48 Funny Photos That Prove Italian Greyhounds Are Just Fancy Noodles With Anxiety

These nervous skeletons didn't just appear out of nowhere, though. They have been judging humanity for over 2,000 years. Originating in modern-day Turkey and Greece, they were the ultimate accessory for ancient civilizations that wanted a dog that matched their delicate pottery. They became the "It Girl" of the Renaissance, strictly reserved for aristocrats who had servants to carry them over puddles.

Throughout history, if you were a royal with a wig and a gout problem, you owned an Italian greyhound. Catherine the Great, Queen Victoria, and Frederick the Great all had them. Frederick loved his so much he actually took them to war (completely useless) and built a crypt for them (appropriately dramatic).

Despite being the preferred lap-warmers of Europe, the breed almost went extinct after the World Wars because delicate luxury items don't do well in a crisis. Thankfully, American breeders stepped in to save them, ensuring that future generations could experience the specific joy of a dog that shivers violently when the temperature drops below 72 degrees.

If you value personal space, do not get an Italian greyhound. These dogs are emotional support parasites. They are "Velcro dogs" to an extreme degree, meaning if you sit down, they will be touching you. If you stand up, they will follow you. If you leave the room, they will assume you have expired and begin the mourning process immediately.

Despite looking like they might break if a breeze hits them, they have two distinct energy settings: "Coma" and "Possessed." For 23 hours a day, they are pro-nappers who demand to be buried under three layers of blankets. Then, without warning, the "Zoomies" hit. They will sprint across the back of your couch at 25 mph, do parkour, and then immediately collapse back into a pile of limbs. 

House training is also optional. If it is raining, snowing, or even slightly damp outside, an Italian greyhound will look at you like you just asked them to storm the beaches of Normandy. They would rather explode than touch wet grass. Good luck!

Every silly dog needs a silly nickname. Enter the “Iggy.” Saying their full name takes too long, and these dogs have the attention span of a goldfish on espresso. If you hear someone screaming, "The Iggy is stuck in the sweater sleeve again!" you know exactly what kind of chaos is unfolding. It captures the essence of a creature that is, at its core, an improbability.

There is the undisputed Supreme Leader of the movement: Tika the Iggy. If you don't know her, you are likely living under a rock with terrible Wi-Fi. Tika was a Montreal-based fashion icon who owned more couture outfits than the entire cast of SATC combined. She went viral for her "Love it, couldn't wear it" videos, racking up a net worth of close to $85k.

She was a diva, a gay icon, and the only creature on earth who could pull off a neon yellow romper without looking like a traffic cone. While you are sitting there in three-day-old sweatpants, Tika is refusing to step outside because the weather is "rude." It was Tika’s world; we were just living in it. R.I.P.

These dogs were the ultimate status symbol of the Renaissance, the 16th-century equivalent of walking around with a Birkin bag. They appear in countless paintings by masters like Veronese and Giotto, usually sitting next to a velvet-clad nobleman and looking significantly more dignified than their owner.

The most hilarious example is Veronese’s Boy with a Greyhound (at the Met Museum). The boy is trying so hard to look tough with his sword and codpiece, but the Italian greyhound next to him is stealing the show by looking bored, elegant, and completely over it. The artist captured the true essence of the breed: a creature that is physically present but mentally unavailable.

In almost every historical painting, while the humans are busy looking pious or heroic, the Iggy is in the corner, looking like it would trade its soul for a heated blanket. This is the kind of art we can get behind!

So, should you get an Italian greyhound? Only if you are prepared for a 15-year emotional hostage situation. Despite looking like they are held together by pipe cleaners and prayers, these dogs have the lifespan of a tortoise. While other dogs start slowing down at age 10, an Iggy will be 14 years old, toothless, and still sprinting across your furniture at 3 AM because a ghost touched its tail.

If you are ready for a roommate who will steal your blankets, is fueled by spite, and will vibrate at the slightest inconvenience, then congratulations! You have found your soulmate. They are high-maintenance, dramatic, and require a wardrobe budget larger than yours, but it is worth every cent. Embrace the chaos, buy a tiny sweater, and accept that you will never visit the toilet alone again.

Are you the proud pet-parent of one of these skeletal spirits? Share some aww-worthy moments with us in the comments!