Gossiping about you to others.
Sometimes everything will seem peachy in your relationship, but then all of a sudden you hear from other friends or people you know that your friend has been talking unfavorably of you when you were not around. They might not even be bashing you directly but giving subtle hints that present you in an unfavorable light. If they always gossip about others in front of you, this can also be a huge red flag that they do the same behind your back.
Ignoring you on social media.
Some people just don’t participate in social media, and we totally understand that. Checking the news feed several times a day, and then actively interacting with others is not everyone’s cup of tea. But according to psychologists, if you notice that your friend gives tons of positive attention to anyone and everyone, is being generous with likes and comments, but pretends that your account doesn’t even exist, it is a good sign of how they feel about things you share on social media (yes, they are very likely jealous).
Nothing you say or do is correct.
Do you feel like your friend always finds fault with your decisions? From making up your mind to find another job to starting to date the guy you met at a party to buying that pair of jeans, it looks like they don’t approve of any of your decisions. Sure, good friends should warn you if they think your decision is about to get you in trouble but if they just flat-out criticize your every step, experts admit this may very well be a sign of jealousy.
Discouraging you from even trying.
Has a friend ever tried to sabotage your every decision by coming up with reasons why you shouldn’t even start something in the first place? Dancing classes? You are too old for this. Want to ask that girl from the math class out? She’ll probably reject you, then you’ll feel humiliated. Enter a creative writing competition? Don’t you know these competitions are always rigged? A good friend will support your decisions and come up with words of encouragement when you doubt yourself. But a jealous friend will always try to prevent you from starting in the first place.
A fly in the ointment.
When they have something to share, it is always a big deal, and they will expect you to express admiration with their achievements. But if it is you who is excited about something nice, a jealous friend will always find something to pick on. This is another sneaky method that is aimed at undermining your self-worth because that way they can rise in your – and more importantly, their own – eyes.
More like turd in the punch bowl than fly in the ointment, because they’re s******g all over your excitement about something nice happening in your life. Because they can only feel good by making others feel worse.
Copycat behavior.
If one of your friends started doing every single thing the way you do it, take a closer look, as this might be a red flag. It’s not about occasionally buying the same outfit as you or having the same music taste. They literally copy your every move, down to the way you laugh or hold a glass. The reason behind this is that they think if they become you, your success will automatically be applied to them. If you start noticing these signs in a friend, think how you can deal with the situation.
Life is “unfair” to them.
If your friend keeps saying that life favors others (including you) but is incredibly unfair to them, this might be a red flag. Blaming your failures on external circumstances is a way to justify your inactivity. Therapists say such people may be secretly (or semi-openly) jealous of you and your achievements. They would ignore the hard work you put into it and claim that you are just extremely lucky. They also often find it unfair that you have all the goodies in life and even say it to your face.
Insecurity leads to jealousy.
Every psychologist worth their salt will tell you that insecure people are more prone to being jealous. When low self-esteem makes you question your own value, you tend to see the achievements of others as a direct attack on you. If you feel your friends envy everything you have or do, chances are they are battling their own insecurities.
Total lack of enthusiasm.
If your friend shares their achievements with you, as a good friend you celebrate it with them. But if a friend is jealous of your success, the last thing they want to do is celebrate. This can be especially well observed in a group. While all your friends congratulate you and tell you how proud they are, a jealous friend will sit quietly with an indifferent expression on their face, and even if they are forced to speak up, the words of support will lack any enthusiasm whatsoever.
Pessimism becomes main MO.
People who are jealous of other people’s success tend to have an overall negative outlook on life. They are always waiting for the worst possible outcome, never believe they will succeed no matter how hard they try, while everybody else gets things basically for free. At the same time, if you have something to celebrate, they will find a reason to sulk and will try to convince you that your success is short-lived.
Refusing to celebrate you.
Every time you have a reason to celebrate and invite your friend to join in, they will come up with an excuse to avoid that. Of course, sometimes life interferes with our plans, and we are not always able to be there for our friends but note how often that happens. If for the most part, your friend is either not there to celebrate with you or is physically present, yet provides little input to the festive mood, therapists define this as a sign of jealousy.
Faking the excitement.
Sometimes your friends actually try to hide their jealousy from you but the power of body language is much stronger. Experienced experts can tell a lot about a person based on their body language but you don’t need to be an expert to understand if your friends are faking their excitement about your achievements. If their smiles don’t look sincere, if they say words of encouragement but their eyes don’t express anything, you probably guessed it already – they are jealous of your success.
Alright now this one is important to be careful with. Any reading of body language comes with the necessary warning sign that not everyone emotes in all the same ways. So it's important to make sure you compare these signs to the person's own behavior and not go and get a confirmation bias.
Everything is a competition.
And we literally mean everything. Whatever it is that you have or do, they do it more, bigger, better. Some people go to ridiculous extremes, and need to one-up you even in negative things. You fell off a ladder? They fell off the roof. Your boss was unfair to you today? Their boss is unfair to them twice before lunchtime every day. While there is nothing wrong with a bit of friendly competition, experts say that turning your friendship into a neverending Olympics is a sign of toxicity and jealousy.
None of your accomplishments have any value.
Literally nothing you achieve is worth talking about. Whatever it is that you are proud of, according to your friends, everybody and their uncle have already done that, and let’s be honest, much better than you. Psychologists say that this move is directed at diminishing your self-esteem and belief in yourself. Because if you start thinking you are not that good after all, it will give your friend the possibility to position themselves higher than you.
Body language is a great tell.
To elaborate a little more on the previous point, it is always very helpful to observe people’s body language. Avoiding eye contact, crossing their arms, or on the contrary, being too tactile and getting into your personal space to divert your suspicions: these are all signs of something being wrong with the relationship. This person is either hiding something from you or is jealous.
Not trying to rain on Lene's parade, I hope you get out of that situation safely, like I said on a different post, it's important to compare body language oddities to a person's normal, not what you think should be normal. There are many reasons someone might cross their arms, for example, and being standoffish is only one. Warmth, personal comfort, stress relief, all of these are valid reasons someone might cross their arms. So please be careful with this one.
Every compliment turns into a veiled insult.
Generally, people who give backhanded compliments think they are being very clever. They did not insult you directly, so you can’t confront them, yet their praise contained more negative things about you than positive. However psychology experts claim that nothing speaks louder about insecurity and jealousy than a backhanded compliment.
Support is off the table.
It is not only about good times, success, and achievements. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to because you are going through a tough time. And then it turns out your friend is too busy, not in the mood, or even interrupts you in the middle of the sentence with something completely unrelated. Soon you will lose any desire to share your problems with them because they just don’t listen.
Haha! Also my mom. I tell her something and whatever it is she tried that as well but waaaaaay worse and she ends up talking about how awful it has been for her and I end up saying supportive things to her because... yeah, that's what I have always done. I need to break that habit.
Recommendations are not welcome.
When you are unsure what to do in any life situation, who do you go to for advice? That’s right, friends. Someone you trust and someone who has your best interest. Yet, if a friend is jealous of you, they might resent your advice or even get angry at you. They already have negative feelings towards you because you have something or do something better than them, now hearing you share your life experience with them becomes unbearable.
Not letting you celebrate.
It doesn’t matter what you have to share with your friends, they will find a way to direct the attention to themselves, and often it is something awful. As a good friend, you can’t celebrate your success when your friend is in distress, can you? Of course, you will try to comfort your friend, while the joy you had will get swept under the rug. It is interesting how these unfortunate events of theirs always coincide with something good happening in your life. Not only do you feel like a horrible person for bringing up the good stuff in your life but with time you will stop talking about it altogether.
Making it their job to upstage you.
You may try all you want, but you will never achieve their height. They earn more than you, go to more expensive vacation destinations, have a better figure. Oh, someone complimented you? They got three invitations to dinner and one marriage proposal in one night. Psychologists state that this constant need to be better than someone is a sign of low self-esteem. And low self-esteem often leads to jealousy and envy.
Avoiding direct contact.
They have always been there for you. You used to spend hours and hours together – at school, at work or after work, through thick and thin. But now, without any warning, they all but disappeared, right after something good happened in your life. Psychologists agree that this can be a potent sign of jealousy. Your friend either can’t endure facing you because it reminds them of your success or they are afraid they will not be able to hide their true feelings from you, so they prefer to stay away.
Projecting insecurities.
Jealousy often comes from a place of insecurity and low self-esteem. The first step to overcome these issues is to accept this fact about yourself and start working on them. However not everyone is able to acknowledge a problem. Instead, people might assign their own issues to you and even often remind you how insecure you are.
Yes! How is this list so much about my (awful) relationship with my mom? Well, she is super over protective about the anxiety and depression I have. She seems to think I am still pretty incapable of doing anything because of these issues. She refuses to realize that my bf helps me so much and that with him I am a whole lot stronger than I ever was before. So she still expresses worry if I go to a concert or a meeting of some sort that would make me a mess over a decade ago.
It’s all about them.
All your achievements will be downplayed and disregarded but it’s a completely different story if it’s them who scored. The world should come to a halt and admire them for all eternity and then another couple of hours. And this is not about just one occasion, the same will happen every time something good happens to them.
Enter Drama Queen.
If one of your friends seems to cause a drama wherever they go, chances are they are jealous of someone. Always fighting and creating dramatic situations around them is a way to deal with their internal feelings. Jealousy often leads to anger with that particular person, but as they can’t express that anger openly, they give themselves a reason by picking up fights with others and accusing everyone around them of one fault or another.
Having other friends is not allowed.
A jealous friend won’t like it if you hang out with other people, do fun stuff with others, or even just mention them in a conversation as your friends. A jealous friend will guard you as if you were their property, and will try to undermine the value of others either with subtle hints or sometimes even with open insults.
Belittling your achievements.
You moved into a new apartment? Nice but the view from the window is really not the best. You bought a new dress? Great but have you considered losing some weight to make sure it looks better on you? The guy you liked a lot asked you on a date? He doesn’t look too credible, and anyway you don’t seem to be his type. Many experts say that friends who try to poke holes in every piece of positive news you have are very likely to be jealous. They undermine your mood by trying to focus your attention on the downside of it.
Status becomes a dealbreaker.
Do your friends chase achieving a certain social position, being invited to elite parties, knowing certain people? For them, social status becomes another way to rise above you, and that’s a good indicator they are jealous. Things get even worse if you happen to be recognized in the same circles they are trying to get into. They will become restless until they do the same.
Jokes at your expense.
Insecure and jealous people often disguise their envy as jokes. They aren’t either funny or smart but just mean and insulting. It is also a rather cowardly thing to do. Your jealous friend hides behind the alleged humor of the delivery, so that, if you get offended and call them out on their jokes, they can backtrack and claim they were just having fun and didn’t mean to hurt you.
Unbearable surroundings.
Your day was going just fine and you were in an elevated mood until you met this one friend for coffee? And it’s not just this one time but seems to be the problem every time you guys meet? Even if your friend doesn’t show any external signs of animosity or jealousy, it can be a good sign they envy you. Their attitude towards you, though not spoken out loud, can be felt in the environment, and that’s why you feel uneasy when you are with them.
….. I thought my friend was happy I got the lead in the play, then I read this
….. I thought my friend was happy I got the lead in the play, then I read this
