“Like A Bullet Has Pierced My Heart”: Man Considers Divorce After Wife’s Drunken Confession
Love is a tricky thing. One moment you’re feeling goosebumps, the other you’re near blackout drunk admitting you will not love anyone more than your late husband… to your current husband.
This story popped up on Reddit recently because the current husband is now debating whether divorce is the only option. It’s not, but the question had to be asked considering the issue won’t be going away any time soon and feelings were hurt.
They say love and alcohol don’t mix well together, and someone eventually draws the short straw at the end of it
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages/Envato elements (not the actual photo)
So was the case with this guy after getting properly drenched in spirits with the missus and her admitting to never having gotten over her late ex
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: InternalPanics
And so the question was passed on to folks online, discussing if divorce was truly the only way
Image credits: RDNE Stock project/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The story is pretty short and straightforward: a couple of 10 years (and 3 kids) got super drunk and talked emotions for a bit until the Mrs. admitted she will never love anyone more than she did her late husband from roughly 15 years ago.
Because she was blackout drunk, she doesn’t remember a thing. But that seemed to have sobered the guy up in a moment. And he can’t shake it off now. He’s considering divorce.
Folks online weren’t as quick to suggest that idea just yet, but netizens prompted for seeking out therapy first. While he has the right to feel upset, it’s not a cause to call it quits after a decade together. Speaking is the way to go.
Needless to say, getting over the loss of a partner or spouse is difficult beyond belief
Image credits: cottonbro studio/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The pain that loss entails is hardly compared to any other. Some might not find the energy, or even purpose, to go through it. But there are ways to go about it that might help.
The key things to focus on in that situation is: to allow yourself to grieve as long as needed and in your way; speak about it, be open with expressing your emotions and find a support group; and remember that grief is energy-intensive, and it might drain you, so treat yourself, take a break, and then celebrate the person you loved in between.
There is always a chance, however, of that person coming to idealize the partner. Death has that effect on people—even more so when it’s unexpected and abrupt. While nobody can truly replace someone, going through the same grief process discussed above will help.
It becomes a game of coping with grief and finding comfort through sharing the pain and receiving support from friends and family, accepting what has happened and accepting what is now happening.
So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Share your takes and stories in the comment section below! And if you need more drama, there’s plenty of it around these parts.
Folks were sympathetic and elaborated that the guy had every right to feel upset—therapy, however, was in their minds the better option
Even some widowers pitched their two cents in, sharing stories
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My dad died at 37 after 12 years of marriage to my mum. She married my stepdad just over a year later. He died after 36 years with her. She loved him way more than she loved my dad. I don’t understand it but I accept it. I loved them both but differently. OP’s wife lost her first husband only a few months into their marriage when everything was new and she didn’t have time for the relationship to change into something other than that. It’s an idealistic memory and the reality of years together with responsibilities and children didn’t happen for them. It’s a few months frozen in time. I think if OP talks to her she will realise this and feel terrible that he is upset.
We all tend to idealize those that we love after they die. Once someone passes all you really focus on are the happy memories you aren't living with them day to day having common quarrels or noticing annoying habits etc. It's understandable to me how someone would put a past relationship like that up on a pedestal but those feelings aren't based in reality.
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No-one will ever win in comparison to first-love or a ghost - sounds like her first husband was both. So she has childlike bittersweet feelings, she built a life and a family with you. Also, WTF - straight to divorce?
They were both very young when he died. She probably has some lingering unresolved grief, as well as the idealization of a young husband who died before the “honeymoon period” of their marriage was over and the real work of marriage began. It doesn’t mean she totally rejects OP in favor of a ghost. OP needs to learn a lot about empathy.
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I lost my husband after 28 years. I could love again, but Philip will always be part of me. Who ever marries me would know that and accept that, as I would accept his late wife if he has one. A second marriage is different.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you can find someone else to love and who will love you x
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My dad died at 37 after 12 years of marriage to my mum. She married my stepdad just over a year later. He died after 36 years with her. She loved him way more than she loved my dad. I don’t understand it but I accept it. I loved them both but differently. OP’s wife lost her first husband only a few months into their marriage when everything was new and she didn’t have time for the relationship to change into something other than that. It’s an idealistic memory and the reality of years together with responsibilities and children didn’t happen for them. It’s a few months frozen in time. I think if OP talks to her she will realise this and feel terrible that he is upset.
We all tend to idealize those that we love after they die. Once someone passes all you really focus on are the happy memories you aren't living with them day to day having common quarrels or noticing annoying habits etc. It's understandable to me how someone would put a past relationship like that up on a pedestal but those feelings aren't based in reality.
Load More Replies... No-one will ever win in comparison to first-love or a ghost - sounds like her first husband was both. So she has childlike bittersweet feelings, she built a life and a family with you. Also, WTF - straight to divorce?
They were both very young when he died. She probably has some lingering unresolved grief, as well as the idealization of a young husband who died before the “honeymoon period” of their marriage was over and the real work of marriage began. It doesn’t mean she totally rejects OP in favor of a ghost. OP needs to learn a lot about empathy.
Load More Replies... I lost my husband after 28 years. I could love again, but Philip will always be part of me. Who ever marries me would know that and accept that, as I would accept his late wife if he has one. A second marriage is different.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you can find someone else to love and who will love you x
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