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In a perfect utopian world, everyone would live in peace, and everyone would have someone to love and someone who loves them. Sadly, we don't live in such a place.
Instead, quite a few people in this world don't even get such a simple – but important – thing as parental love. And that shapes them for their whole life, which can easily be seen with the naked eye, as today's list shows. So, let's jump in and see what those signs are, shall we?
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#1
You can usually feel it in the way someone protects their heart. They often carry that quiet ache, like they’re still waiting for someone to prove they’re safe.
They might apologize too much, try too hard to please everyone or shut down the moment things get too real. Deep down they’re scared that if people really see them they’ll leave.
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#3
As someone who was severely neglected as a child, I struggle with asking people for the smallest of favors or most miniscule effort of help. I always feel like I'm bothering people and I feel like what I'm asking is absurd.
Lukas (he/him, it/its) 1 week ago
Yep, this is me, I've been struggling so hard since I turned 18 but I'm horrible at asking for help
It’s rather common to express an opinion that all kids deserve love. But the thing is that it’s not really just an opinion – it’s a straightforward fact. Apparently, love is a “secret ingredient” in raising a kid into a properly functioning adult.
Basically, how it works is that love, or in other words, the caring attention of a kid, brings a lot of benefits to their development. For example, it makes their brain grow. Literally. Research shows that children of mothers who supported them through difficult tasks had a bigger hippocampus.
#4
Hating things like Christmas and their Birthday. They're so used to being let down in these situations, so they hate to even think about it.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 week ago (edited)
Yep. Stopped asking for anything on Christmas because I know I'll never get it (beside from my grandparents because they are gems), and I don't celebrate my birthday with a party anymore, I just buy a cake and eat it (and a mug because I love mugs).
#6
Overly apologetic. Low self esteem. Trying to make bad relationships work because you just want someone to love you for who you are.
This is significant, as this part of the brain controls how a person learns, how much they can remember, and even how they handle stress. Thus, even the simple support of parents gives so many benefits.
And that’s not even all. Aside from the hippocampus size improvement, receiving love can also increase a kid's self-esteem. As you probably already suspect, the more love and support a child receives, the stronger their self-esteem gets.
#7
Feeling stress accepting gifts because to them it means they owe that person something in return. Yeah, that's me. .
Lee Gilliland 1 week ago
Parents putting unseen price tags on everything and then enforcing them.
#8
Extremely independent and anxious at the same time.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
Okay, now we're talking. When you're neglected and unloved, you have two choices - withdraw into yourself or become independent/self-reliant. Toss in some PTSD, which causes anxiety, and you have a strange and, somewhat, alienating life.
#9
They seek out relationships that are also more one sided (as in they continue to not be loved properly)
Sometimes they're actually turned off by the person liking them "too much" as that must mean there's something wrong with that partner.
Michael Largey 1 week ago
"I refuse to go out with anyone who would date someone like me." kept me home on Saturday nights for ten years.
Similar things apply to many other areas – the more love a kid gets, the better they are at something. Even with their health. A kid who didn’t get that much deserved love has a higher chance of developing various problems like cardiovascular disease, cholesterol issues, stroke, diabetes, and so on. Pretty dark, isn’t it?
Well, not only is health affected by a lack of attention as a child. As our list shows, there are many ways the rest of a person’s life is affected. From full-blown mental health issues to other, more minimal ones. For instance, having “quirks” like being overly apologetic or hyper independent.
#10
They across as though they need to buy affection or love through acts of service or gifts. They cant accept someone loves them regardlessof what they can do for them.
#11
As I have observed it, self-centeredness. Not selfishness; but if nobody in your life takes care of you, then you have to do it yourself, and it becomes a survival thing.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
Being in survival mode, which even now still afflicts me, is not the same level of self-centeredness we use to describe AHs. It's a heightened level of awareness, centered on self, that keeps you alive and protected from various types of danger.
#12
Self doubt, it’s a huge part to play. A lack of confidence and distancing. Struggling to maintain relationships and opening up.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
Living in survival mode, I learned to fake it until I could make it. Didn't always work, but that was a lessoned learned. As for relationships, I didn't stick around waiting and hoping, I left and looked for something better.
You might think that in some cases these “quirks” can be rather useful, and they can, but at the same time, they can also be rather upsetting in other situations. Especially knowing that they come from the trauma of not being properly loved.
The good thing is that being an unloved child doesn’t make you a lost cause – there are ways to heal. As you can probably guess, one of the best ways to do so is through therapy. Well, there’s a reason it’s an answer to so many issues – it does work.
#13
Lying as a stress response. Seeking out attention and validation like a substance.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
I don't lie to people I like or respect, but I can spin a yarn when my back's up against the wall. Got me out of many a traffic ticket.
#14
Always questioning themselves because of the need to be correct and not let anyone down!
#15
Not being able to accept that people like them in adulthood.
Roberta Surprenant 6 days ago
I remember when I realized friends had only tolerated my ex because they like ME
It can help a person to grow self-love, set needed boundaries, develop coping skills and self-awareness, and many other things. Basically, it provides a person with a safe space where they can work through their problems without judgment and with support.
That’s how they heal from a lack of love in their life and get ready to receive it in their current stage of life. After all, just because your parents didn’t properly love you, that doesn’t mean someone else will fill that gaping hole.
Have you ever noticed any signs that basically scream that person was unloved in their younger days? Please, share with us!
#16
He is a people pleaser, wears dull clothes not to attract attention, doesn't try to engage well with others, has a very small group of friends he sticks to, always ready when someone makes a plan, overlooked at promotion and appraisal, gets into relationship with narcissist people but then repeats it with another
Source - Me .
#17
I've never met a funny person that wasn't completely and utterly broken as a child.
#18
Seeing constructive criticism as proof you are an imposter.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
I remember being in school, and the teachers would tell you straight out that you were wrong. Some kids would fold into themselves and others used it as motivation to learn the correct answer. I welcome constructive criticism because it offers growth.
#19
When they apologize after YOU bump into THEM. it's like their soul's default setting is "my bad for existing.".
#20
People who struggle to trust others or feel secure in relationships often had unmet emotional needs growing up.
Riley Quinn 1 week ago
Trust and security were the obstacles for me to forge any long-term relationships. I needed a safe place, and if that became untenable, I was gone.
#21
Deflects conpliments, low self worth.
Ellinor she/they/elle 1 week ago (edited)
That was more of a school bullying issue for me. There was a game my classmates played when I was about 8/9 years old, one of them would come to see me and tell me they loved me, I would say "really ?" and they would laugh and say that I was unlovable and too ugly. Then a few days later another one would do the same, and on and on. When I had my first boyfriend I had a really tough time accepting that he really loved me, I doubted it all the time.
#23
Minimally expressive, emotions are more of an abstract thought.
Unsure of how they should mask around new people so very slow to open up.
Adult children of emotionally immature parents was a good read for me.
#24
They cannot accept love in adulthood.
#26
Someone else’s parent sitting you down and stating “I like you but I’ve got my own sons” and realising why it needed to be said.
Kelly Scott 1 week ago
Exactly. I was forced to live with my cousins and I was told I had the same responsibilities and chores as everyone else because "family". But when it came time to celebrate my birthday or Christmas or when I needed support, all of a sudden I wasn't family anymore - I was the outsider and had to go. After all was said and done, I realized those people would never let down their own kids but they'd toss me to the curb in no time flat for anything because I didn't "belong". It taught me that if your own parents aren't going to care about you, no one else ever will, either, no matter what they say.
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What do you think ?
Maren Villadsen 1 week ago
Tip toeing around, kot to be heard. Im 40 live alone and I still do that
Earonn - 1 week ago
A lot of me in this list, yeah. - But even more so, I wish I could make a friend of mine read this list. He's mentioned so often. Unfortunately, even if we were still at our closest, he never would. Poor him.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
Interacted with girls until I was 11. Went to boarding school. Very little interaction with girls, including on holidays (did I mention I'm an introvert?). When I left boarding school, interacted with 16 year old girls. They're *nothing* like 11 year olds, and oh my god the drama... decided to hell with this, stayed home like any good introvert should. Fast forward three and a half decades and, well... present day. And still single. Oh well, life is pretty uncomplicated. The biggest surprise is mundane stuff like "There's a *COW* peering in my living room window?". An electric fence failed about a kilometre away, the cows wandered off. One of them decided it liked my grass, and clearly also liked Avantasia, that I was listening to at the time. 🤘
Joe Publique 6 days ago
Disclaimer: Let's not forget that awful things can affect people in different ways, but most a*****s are a*****s regardless of their childhood. Not all a*****s were unloved kids, and not all unloved kids will become a*****s. The two are only loosely related when you factor in personal choice and accountability.
Roberta Surprenant 6 days ago
Some very loving parents never explicitly stated it, but could always be counted on when youth groups needed adult volunteers or a living room to hold event. That sort of backing was another way of showing love.
Laserleader 1 week ago (edited)
One day as a child we are put down and never picked back up, for some touching a parent, sibling, neighbors, or school kid was met with anger, disgust, frustration, and annoyance from others, leading the child to believe any touch was "evil". Then you add some sexuaI a***e and the child feels repelled by others, leading to multiple phobias relating to socialization and human contact. These damaged people are the ones that really enjoyed 2020 and the 6 ft rule. It was heaven for us to have space.
ANGEL M 1 week ago
As a first child in a family, it was never said but once the others came along there was a very much you need to be more mature. Although I was only a few years older than my closest sibling, as soon as they came along it was grow up time and due to the youngest sibling having some drama issues it always felt I nothing that happened in my life anywhere matched any horror in their life's. So I didn't say anything kept it all in and that caused me to not want people with drama around me for my mental health. It takes a lot to feel accepted, that someone is wanting me and that in this world that I matter.
Maren Villadsen 1 week ago
Tip toeing around, kot to be heard. Im 40 live alone and I still do that
Earonn - 1 week ago
A lot of me in this list, yeah. - But even more so, I wish I could make a friend of mine read this list. He's mentioned so often. Unfortunately, even if we were still at our closest, he never would. Poor him.
Rick Murray 1 week ago
Interacted with girls until I was 11. Went to boarding school. Very little interaction with girls, including on holidays (did I mention I'm an introvert?). When I left boarding school, interacted with 16 year old girls. They're *nothing* like 11 year olds, and oh my god the drama... decided to hell with this, stayed home like any good introvert should. Fast forward three and a half decades and, well... present day. And still single. Oh well, life is pretty uncomplicated. The biggest surprise is mundane stuff like "There's a *COW* peering in my living room window?". An electric fence failed about a kilometre away, the cows wandered off. One of them decided it liked my grass, and clearly also liked Avantasia, that I was listening to at the time. 🤘
Joe Publique 6 days ago
Disclaimer: Let's not forget that awful things can affect people in different ways, but most a*****s are a*****s regardless of their childhood. Not all a*****s were unloved kids, and not all unloved kids will become a*****s. The two are only loosely related when you factor in personal choice and accountability.
Roberta Surprenant 6 days ago
Some very loving parents never explicitly stated it, but could always be counted on when youth groups needed adult volunteers or a living room to hold event. That sort of backing was another way of showing love.
Laserleader 1 week ago (edited)
One day as a child we are put down and never picked back up, for some touching a parent, sibling, neighbors, or school kid was met with anger, disgust, frustration, and annoyance from others, leading the child to believe any touch was "evil". Then you add some sexuaI a***e and the child feels repelled by others, leading to multiple phobias relating to socialization and human contact. These damaged people are the ones that really enjoyed 2020 and the 6 ft rule. It was heaven for us to have space.
ANGEL M 1 week ago
As a first child in a family, it was never said but once the others came along there was a very much you need to be more mature. Although I was only a few years older than my closest sibling, as soon as they came along it was grow up time and due to the youngest sibling having some drama issues it always felt I nothing that happened in my life anywhere matched any horror in their life's. So I didn't say anything kept it all in and that caused me to not want people with drama around me for my mental health. It takes a lot to feel accepted, that someone is wanting me and that in this world that I matter.
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