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“I’m Taking That One To The Grave”: 30 Things People Are Keeping Secret From Their Spouse
Honesty is usually the best policy when it comes to romantic relationships. None of us, as far as we know at least, have the ability to read minds and detect issues that are festering inside another person's head.
However, we all keep secrets—on average about 13 at a time, five of which we have never told anyone.
Married folks are no exception. So when Reddit user Released-Lobster asked everyone on the platform to share what they think even spouses are entitled to keep private, many chipped in. Here are the top answers.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I witnessed my son walking for the first time about a month before she saw him walk. She was struggling with post partum depression and upset she wasn’t the mom she wanted to be. I’m taking that one to the grave.
RELATED:
#2
I worked very hard with my kids to ensure their first word was Mama. When she wasn’t around I was going, “ma-ma-ma-ma” to the kids. Being a mom is everything to her, and I wanted her to have that cherished moment of being the first word they said. I will never tell her that.
Debbie 1 year ago
Each their own - I was curious what was my kids first words. Tbh I can't remember the exact first word, but one of the first ones my oldes said was "graafmachine" (ofcourse horribly pronounced but we recognized it). It's an excavator. It was clear what interested him around that time :)
#3
I let my wife experience all the big things with the kids first. She’s a shift worker covering both day and night 12 hour shifts and no two weeks of roster are ever the same, so we have a rather sporadic home life where we are all home at the same time. If the kids have happened to have done any of the milestone events when it’s just been me at home I’ve kept quiet about it and been excited (genuinely) when she’s witnessed them “first” and calls me in the room or tells me about it. I figure it helps her not feel like she’s missing out on the family.
#4
I'm sure I'm too late for this to be seen. One day I woke up with a blocked ear, had a shower and let the warm water run into my ear. Small spider came out and ear instantly unblocked.
If I told my partner this she'd literally never sleep again.
#5
If someone talks s**t about them (your family, friends) you don’t need to tell them. You can stand up for them and leave it at that; I don’t need to hear every thought my MIL has about our wedding.
Action_Nad replied:
I'm the opposite. I give my wife full details so we can shark-attack their punk a**es together.
#6
On the day I got married my dad pulled me aside and gave me this one piece of advice “you don’t have to tell her everything.” I was flummoxed, did my dad have a secret family in Florida that he was visiting on those long business trips? No, thirty years later I realized he didn’t mean “keep secrets” he meant “don’t always tell her dinner tastes burned, don’t always tell her when someone says something mean about her, don’t always tell her that the children clothes look dumb.” Of course it would have helped a lot if he had actually said that but perhaps he wanted me to learn the hard way. This morning my wife asked me “now, be serious does this dress look nice or does it look like I’m trying too hard to look like a teenager?” I honestly thought she looked great, and I told her.
Debbie 1 year ago
I agree with this. Everyone always screams "honesty" but that is a grey area. Sometimes there are bigger reasons to not be honest. Does santa exist? Was dinner good? How do you like my home made [thing] - I spent hours working on it" etc. Be honest about things that matter though. Would she make a fool of herself in that outfit? Then gently tell her other clothes look better. Common sense, imo.
#7
My husband has no idea how many times I eat a cheeseburger on the way home from work. That's the only acceptable secret to keep.
VicePrincipalNero replied:
My mother-in-law was an appallingly awful cook who grew up in the Depression and refused to throw away food, no matter how bad it was
After they died, I was going through decades' worth of old paperwork. I discovered that my father-in-law would stop at Burger King every single day for a survival meal during his daily walks.
#8
I take care of the bills. My husband has no clue about any of our bills. I've been secretly overpaying our mortgage by $800 every month for over a year, going to principal. I'll continue to do so. And then one day it will be a nice surprise.
MellonCollie 1 year ago (edited)
Secretly overpaying the mortgage by $800 per month? I'm happy for them that they have this possibility, but I find it depressing as well. It makes me feel I'm doing everything wrong. EDIT: wow, thank you wonderful people for such an unexpected outpouring of support! Much love to you all
#9
That someone you dated in the past was better than your current partner in some way. If the other person was smarter or better in bed or funnier or whatever, don’t f*****g ever say it. Ever.
Aelin Wildfire 1 year ago
THERE'S A CAVEAT TO THIS! Don't specifically mention your ex, BUT if you feel like you aren't getting what you need out of the relationship, please TACTFULLY tell your partner, "I love it so much when you do x, can you/we do it more often" or "the way you do x isn't my favorite, could we please switch things up a bit?"
#10
That the reason the dog has horrible farts wasn't because 'dogs just do that sometimes', it's because I needed to get rid of leftover black beans and he was there.
#11
This may be a contentious topic but your spouse isn’t your therapist. Some things are above their pay grade.
Jostanquecla 1 year ago
I don't get this one. I'd be sad if my husband didn't tell me when something is bothering him. If it's something that I can't help with then we can talk about getting therapy.
#12
An emergency gift stash for when the partner has a bad day. My emergency stash for my wife is mostly chocolate.
fluffyfistoffury replied:
As soon as my wife figured out I had a secret chocolate stash for her bad days, she started 'having bad days' more often just to get all the chocolate. Then she got upset when it was all gone.
#13
I was given s**t in another sub when I said I'd never told my husband any details of the horrible bullying I experienced in school. I'm not comfortable divulging that, and it isn't something he needs to know.
#14
I’ve been playing Mario Kart 200cc by myself for a few years now. I’m really good. My husband beats me all the time, but it’s usually because I let him. It’s my deathbed secret.
lackaface replied:
That’s cute, but f**k that. When I game with my man, I’m out for blood. Same with the kids.
#15
If you cheated, ever, and it’s long over and you’re feeling like you need to come clean with the truth, do not tell me. If I didn’t know and it was a decade ago, l don’t want to. I once saw someone make a confession bedside in the ER as a traffic accident victim was slipping away, and I will never forget how hurt she looked. We (ER staff) were there to hear her later say why the f**k did he bother telling her that, and you know what, we agreed. She coded the same night and that was that.
Angrykitten 1 year ago
That is awful. And agreed. I never understood those confessions. Why blow up a marriage like that. If on going, if in love with the other person, if there is an std. 100% confessing is required.
#16
not married but i rarely tell my bf that he's already told me a story/explained something about one of his interests to me before. it's so cute to see him get excited about it and a lot of the time i'll pick up on details i didn't get the previous times and learn something new.
Kamilla Juel Sørensen 1 year ago
My farther-in-Law have dementia, he always ask me at least 5-10 times what I do for a living. I always start by telling him what I actually do (student counselling at a Uni) and then telling him more and more bizzare jobs. I am both a ballerina, an Elephant trainer in a circus, an astronaut, a secret service agent and other things more thrilling. Some times he just starts asking questions other times we have a big laugh. I love him dearly
#17
That you would, in fact, not love them if they were a worm
Sure_Ad_9858 replied:
My partner said he would build me a ‘worm sanctuary’ and allow me to live in a tank at his home so I wouldn't die on the streets. I found that very sweet. I told him he could date other people, and thanks for not letting me die.
#18
The size and nature of your bowel movements please if you are my husband reading this honey please no
Extremely_unlikeable replied:
Please ask my boyfriend not to send pictures, even if it looks like a heart.
spooky_upstairs replied:
But romance.
#19
Spoilers for a show you have watched before, but are rewatching with them.
Fredx7_2 replied:
My wife and I are watching Game of Thrones at the moment, which is my first time. She’ll say, 'If you don’t do XYZ chore, I’ll tell you what happens to Joffrey/Jon/Sansa/etc.' (This is all good-natured and fun, btw.)
#20
Other people who are romantically interested in you. They may exist. The fact that they're interested in you may even be flattering and offer a temporary boost to your self-esteem. Your partner doesn't need to know about each time you're flirted with or if someone shows interest in you. Just state that you're happy, in love, and involved with someone, and for the love of god--don't reciprocate. Just smile, say thank you, and keep it moving. Your partner doesn't want to feel like they have a steady stream of competition all because some random a*s person said you had nice arms or a nice smile or whatevs.
Momma Jess 1 year ago
Then you have relationships like mine where you've got a girlfriend that will give you massive amounts of grief for not collecting that cute chick's number 🤣
#21
When you don’t really care about something that they enjoy. Just smile & let them talk about it. Even if it’s the damn Dallas Cowboys like in my case. Lmao.
Costa 1 year ago
This is a good one. Our son has recently moved away and started his first proper job and normally calls on the way home from work and goes into minute detail about what he has been doing. I understand that these calls will not last forever so am just grateful that we have the conversation time for now. Same thing applies with a new partner.
#22
My partner thinks he makes a great Bolognese sauce, the kids and I are not fans. My kids try and distract him out of the kitchen so I can add seasoning and tomato paste every time he cooks it.
Debbie 1 year ago
Why not teach him...gently suggest a different sauce, a change of spices. Although it will be hard to come clean about this one. I think this one is actually damaging. Just tell him he should add it! It's like he's the only adult that doesn't know santa doesn't exist. What if you are away for a weekend, he cooks, and it doesn't turn out like normal. He'll feel betrayed that you don't trust/love him enough to tell him it actually isn't good or could be better with seasoning.
#23
Smelled something gamey behind the kitchen stove in a place we were renting. Pulled the back off it, found a fried mouse shaped object frozen in a rockclimbing move across the live terminals. “Find anything honey?” from the loungeroom. “Nah, nothing darl” as I discreetly yeeted it into the outside bin,
#24
If you ever slept with their mom or dad years before meeting them. There is no coming back from telling them in any situation.
I'm 100% serious.
#25
Your other friends secrets. When a buddy of mines partner started talking about something I explicitly said not to share with anyone I had to reevaluate what I would share with him in the future. Part of me kinda expects their spouse to know what I’ve told them, but when you know your spouse is a gossip, don’t expect me to ever open up to you again especially if I’ve already told you to keep it a secret.
DennyS (denzoren) 1 year ago
Sharing with a spouse is expected but the spouse then spreading it...that's not right.
#26
Where you keep the emergency candy.
unicornfarthappyhour replied:
I hide my chocolate in an empty box of Raisin Bran.
#27
What partner was best in bed, had the best d**k/tits, anything they can’t realistically change or control.
#28
A small enough amount of money that if s**t ever hit the fan and you split up, you’re alright for a few months
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
The fact this person used "a small amount of money that can make you alright for a few months" tells me that we live in very different tax brackets.
#30
Your p**n preferences. At best, they'll feel pressured to perform some of those things when, sometimes, you aren't really interested in *doing* those things, you just like looking at it. That might lead to some feelings of inadequacy.
#31
My MIL told me, if she had the chance to do it all again, she wouldn't get married and have kids. She was awesome and she loved her family but she suffered a lot of anxiety and depression. I will never, ever, tell my husband.
Aileen Grist 1 year ago
my mother told me that I should be glad I couldn't have kids - she wished she hadn't - or that there had been decent birth control. For her children were an accident of marriage. Especially girls - I'm a female.
#32
I let the dog on the couch when my husband isn’t around. He has a strict “absolutely no dogs on the couch or bed” rule. I just love cuddling her so much. There are few things that bring me as much joy as watching her nuzzle her face into my leg and listening to her little snores. I just sit there not moving for as long as i can taking in every moment.
René Sauer 1 year ago
Yeah, I will never understand people who don't let their pets on the sofa or bed.
#34
Things that were told to you in strict confidence that don't relate to your partner
Stephanie A Mutti 1 year ago
If you feel compelled to tell the spouse, clear it with the originator like "can i tell my spouse". I've found some stuff is heavy that you really want to share for support and the other person is fine with it going to the spouse but of course, tell the spouse "it goes no further". Communicating our needs is the thing that makes or breaks us.
#35
Where you keep your secret stash of the good biscuits
#36
Abuse/trauma that happened to you. It'll be up to you to share that once you feel comfortable
#37
Three different things here:
Secrets, private things, and surprises.
Secrets come from a place of fear, shame or guilt. You’re afraid of how they would react, guilty about the action, or ashamed of it.
No secrets.
Things can be private and do not need to be shared, but those are things that are not/should not be impactful to your partner, and if they ask, it’s up to you to share, with the understanding if you don’t there can be a loss of trust by both you and your partner.
They might lose trust in you sharing things and you’ll lose trust in them for not accepting that the private thing is not impactful/important to the relationship.
Lastly, there are surprises- these are just things that are hidden/concealed for a short time, like presents/gifts or trips etc.
#38
Body count. Dont ask. Dont tell.
#39
That I didn’t actually play a good round of golf, it was total s**t, I hooked 90 percent of my drives, 4 putted half the greens, lost 10 balls, and swore I’d never play this stupid sport again. All she needs to know is it was good and I’d like to go again next weekend... please
THE COOL ZACH 1 year ago
I know it’s not my problem,but I would tell the truth. If you don’t want to go don’t go, but try to explain why you didn’t like it.(If you still don’t want to go).
#40
Me and my spouse both have careers involving protected information, so we keep a lot about our work days private. I know people who have kept childhood trauma to themselves and didn't want their partners to know. I think that's fair.
Angrykitten 1 year ago
Trauma it depends. My trauma makes me flinch really easily. It was hurting my husband he thought I wad flinching because I thought he could hurt me. I had to explain it to him. So in some cases, especially when that trauma is affecting current behaviors it helps to disclose it
#41
the general rule is if the secret is being kept for their benefit and not for yours, it's ok to keep it.
#42
That you prematurely threw out leftovers...and if my husband is reading this. No you didnt.
#44
I don't discuss my lingerie shopping with him. I keep it secret to surprise him.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
In return, he keeps his lingerie shopping so secret that you don't even know about it.
#46
Gifts you have gotten them or are going to get them. Something that will ruin a lovely surprise (if they hate surprises, then spoil it and let them know they need to be surprised). The secrets of friends or family, unless they will impact your relationship negatively. Details about previous partners, like secrets, insecurities, and stuff like that. And I'm sure there are other things too. But I don't think there should be a lot of secrets in a relationship, but some are okay, and other things don't need to be mentioned even though they aren't really secrets.
#47
The fact that he has a small flat a*s...he doesn't need to know what parts of him I find unattractive.
#48
What you’re reading (generally). My spouse does not need to know I read stupid romance and fairy books. He just knows I love to read fiction.
#49
How much I actually spent on the kids at Target. Now, we have separate accounts. My money is mine. His is his. Our bills are paid. But I can already hear the groaning he’d do if I admitted that every single thing I got was full price and NOT a good deal. Simply saying “don’t worry, it wasn’t that much.” Seems to be our best bet.
#51
Depends on the relationship. It's whatever is agreed upon by both parties. There is no rule book. Things need to be defined most of the time or s**t will get real. A couples counselor I knew said this always causes issues. "Well of course you can't ___, everyone knows in a marriage you can't." But it's b******t. There is no rule book. Figure it out and talk it to death. What is cheating. Is dancing? What about a foot rub? What about nude images? P**n? Rub and tugs? Late night texting? Discuss it in depth.
#52
Fast food pit stops without them or watching a show without them (and pretending like you haven't seen it yet while watching it with them.)
#54
The answer to "Does this dress make me look fat?"
THE COOL ZACH 1 year ago
Eh,tell the truth but try to cushion the fall as much as you can. Like not saying “fat” but still being honest and understanding.
#55
It’s really OK not to talk about every particle of your past. Some things need to be left behind and never spoken of again. Don’t ruin the image they have of you.
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What do you think ?
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
Almost 20 years ago my husband planned a surprise birthday party for me, and I knew it. Couple of my friends helped him invite people and get me there, but it was all his idea. I heard him on the phone more than once, and I just rolled with it. To this day he brags about the only time he was ever able to surprise me, and I just smile and still roll with it.
Ruben Schelstraete 1 year ago
My partner is scared to death of spiders. I always have to kill them or put them outside. If I see one and my partner is not around I just leave the buggers do there thingy. If I would tell this, I’m dead.
ThisIsMe 1 year ago
Almost 20 years ago my husband planned a surprise birthday party for me, and I knew it. Couple of my friends helped him invite people and get me there, but it was all his idea. I heard him on the phone more than once, and I just rolled with it. To this day he brags about the only time he was ever able to surprise me, and I just smile and still roll with it.
Ruben Schelstraete 1 year ago
My partner is scared to death of spiders. I always have to kill them or put them outside. If I see one and my partner is not around I just leave the buggers do there thingy. If I would tell this, I’m dead.
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