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Committing to a relationship with someone means you're putting your heart into their hands and letting them decide what to do with it. If you're lucky, they will nurture it and the two of you will form a connection like no other. But they might break it, too. Which is why the people we love the most are the ones that can make us the maddest, too.
A breakup or divorce can be one of the most stressful and emotional experiences in our lives. The (abrupt) end of a relationship can turn our whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling emotions. Like a burning desire for revenge.
We at Bored Panda compiled a list of vivid examples to show you what things lovers are capable of if their (ex) partners hurt them badly enough. They may not guarantee a path toward a healthy recovery, but everyone has their own way of coping.
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To get a better understanding of these actions and the feelings that caused them, we contacted psychotherapist, writer, and consultant, Kaytee Gillis.
"Stories of people getting revenge for feeling betrayed or wronged in relationships fill movie scripts, and the behaviors are even encouraged and laughed at in many social groups," Gillis, who has a deep passion for helping survivors of traumatic relationships — whether familial or romantic — told Bored Panda.
"One famous song even boasts lyrics about smashing headlights and slicing someone's tires for cheating. Although music is an expressive art form [and it is] most likely not a true story, it shines a light on behaviors that many excuse. And while it might be normal to want to get revenge over being wronged, actually taking action to do that can quickly turn into unhealthy behaviors, or even abuse."
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Gillis, the author of It's Not "High Conflict" It's Post-Separation Abuse, thinks that being hurt after the ending of a relationship is normal.
"If the person wronged you somehow, such as breaking your heart, ghosting you or cheating, it can [even] feel devastating," she said.
"But when pain and anger turn into behaviors that put another person's safety or livelihood at risk, this is abusive and is never a good way to cope with the pain of a breakup."
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The psychotherapist said that destroying property, spreading rumors as an attempt to harm or discredit someone, keeping the children away from them, or boasting about getting them fired from their job are all common ways that people try to get revenge on an ex.
"However, this form of revenge is what mental health clinicians refer to as post-separation abuse, or abuse that takes place after a relationship ends. Revenge is abusive, and putting someone's safety at risk is never okay, and it is never funny," Gillis emphasized.
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Knowing how to break up could possibly remedy some of the emotions that lead to the extreme lengths that Gillis has mentioned. And while it's not easy for anyone to be good at it, teens are particularly bad at ending things, and growing up online has made it worse.
Though most teens think the best way to break up is in person, 37 percent of them consider a text breakup at least moderately acceptable and 1 in 4 thinks it's okay to do the job by simply changing your social media status to "single."
That's according to a Pew Research Center report that came out in 2015, five years before the pandemic sent everyone's social lives, and so much else, even further into cyberspace.
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"If you feel you must get revenge, it is important to take time and self-reflect on why this is," Gillis said. "Is it to 'get back at' someone who wronged you?"
"Recognize that these feelings themselves are not abnormal, and have compassion for the part of you that feels wronged, but do not take action."
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"It is okay, and even encouraged, to vent about that person to your friends, family, and support system. Write about them in your journal. But do not post publicly on social media, as this will make you look immature and vindictive."
"And, as always, remember that any acts of violence or abuse are illegal, and could result in fines, imprisonment, and will obviously make you look vindictive and abusive. Instead, seek mental health support to help you through this time if you feel that you are going to take action to harm someone out of revenge," the psychotherapist said.
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Nadine Khazaka 2 years ago
They always say it's the kids who suffer the most, nobody thinks about the innocent dads.
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Vasana Phong 2 years ago
If you guys ever wondered what I look like( clue) itâs one of these pics
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My Friend Decided To Cover Up The Tattoo Of His Ex Wife
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Tabitha 2 years ago
I work as a paralegal in a family law office. DO. NOT. DO. THIS. If the husband hires an attorney, they will force you to pay for that sh*t you destroyed or even file criminal charges against you. That will only hurt you in the long run because you could have gotten money from the sale of the house. Not it will take THOUSANDS to repair and you may not sell the house for years.
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There's an expression about taking poison and hoping the other person dies.
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He looks like a mix between the guy from Bee Movie and the human version of Shrek
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This says more about the gf and mom than anything else... Good parents don't let a 'lifelong rift' happen just because their stupid young kid cheated.
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Look how proud she is! I really hope he sees this and feels ashamed. Don't cheat guys!
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Thanks, now she does it to me. đđđ
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Cause I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive...
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Poor neighbor. Also btw: I know she was probably angry at the time but I also feel bad for the other people who lived in the complex who had to deal with the mess. I hope the lady or her ex ends up cleaning it up.
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Very Normal Giraffe 2 years ago
Honestly, cheating is horrible. I understand why someone would do this after getting cheated on, but (I know nothing about law but I'm pretty sure) breaking the car could get you in a lot of legal trouble.
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Downvote that shīt! THREE years?! Move on with your life already! You two probably weren't even together for that long. Time to stop wasting all that time and energy on an ex from THREE YEARS AGO and invest that into a good therapist.
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Of all the things that never happened this never happened the most
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Yeah, sure this happened. Three girls who are very close to your ex just let you bang them.
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What do you think ?
Ace 2 years ago
Title should read: "70 total jerks wreaking petty revenge on their exes". Grow up, people.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Cheating is one of the most psychologically, emotionally, financially destructive, hateful acts a partner can do -- and it is also poses danger to the cheated on partner, even physical. So while I don't advocate anything that puts the cheated on partner in any legal danger; I say do what you need to to A. Teach the cheater a lesson and B. Enable you to feel some sort of release -- and obtain closure. In conclusion, I disagree with all the self-righteous moralizing demonizing "petty revenge" here. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO. If you're okay with walking away without taking any action; that's on you. It's not for you to judge anyone else. I've never cheated.
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Kandice Heiple 2 years ago
My ex husband stayed out all night snorting coke twice while I sat at home all night with our kid terrified something horrible had happened to him. Then when I confronted him about it and he admitted to using cocaine both times he blamed ME because he said he was so depressed about the fact we didnt have enough sex. So you know what I did? I moved out, sent him money for half the bills of the last month I lived there and told him that when he gets his act together and gets in a good place mentally that I'll make sure he can see his son as much as he wants and that Im rooting for him to find peace. Because I'm not an emotionally stunted psychopath who thinks the world revolves around me.
Rens 2 years ago
I don't believe in these petty acts of revenge. Living well without them is the best revenge. Walk away, maintain your dignity and behave like an adult.
Star Girl 2 years ago
Same! To see so many people applauding this behavior is disturbing.
Load More Replies... Ace 2 years ago
Title should read: "70 total jerks wreaking petty revenge on their exes". Grow up, people.
ValdaDeDieu 2 years ago
Cheating is one of the most psychologically, emotionally, financially destructive, hateful acts a partner can do -- and it is also poses danger to the cheated on partner, even physical. So while I don't advocate anything that puts the cheated on partner in any legal danger; I say do what you need to to A. Teach the cheater a lesson and B. Enable you to feel some sort of release -- and obtain closure. In conclusion, I disagree with all the self-righteous moralizing demonizing "petty revenge" here. DO WHAT YOU NEED TO. If you're okay with walking away without taking any action; that's on you. It's not for you to judge anyone else. I've never cheated.
Load More Replies... Kandice Heiple 2 years ago
My ex husband stayed out all night snorting coke twice while I sat at home all night with our kid terrified something horrible had happened to him. Then when I confronted him about it and he admitted to using cocaine both times he blamed ME because he said he was so depressed about the fact we didnt have enough sex. So you know what I did? I moved out, sent him money for half the bills of the last month I lived there and told him that when he gets his act together and gets in a good place mentally that I'll make sure he can see his son as much as he wants and that Im rooting for him to find peace. Because I'm not an emotionally stunted psychopath who thinks the world revolves around me.
Rens 2 years ago
I don't believe in these petty acts of revenge. Living well without them is the best revenge. Walk away, maintain your dignity and behave like an adult.
Star Girl 2 years ago
Same! To see so many people applauding this behavior is disturbing.
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