Do you want a girl who walks like a T-Rex? Maybe you're looking for somebody who chews so loudly that you'll feel like you're dating the Cookie Monster? Or perhaps you want a partner who applies mustard to fries by squeezing it into their hand and then smearing it all over their food? Well if you said yes to any of the above, then you're in luck because as you can see from this hilarious list of reasons that people deserved a breaking up for, all of these folks are currently leading a single life!

Compiled by Bored Panda, the stories below contain some of the funniest and most bizarre reasons that people have decided breaking up with somebody. It also includes some legendary breaking up quotes that you could definitely use as your own if need be. Let us know which one of the 'reasons why' is the best, and if you've had a funny or odd story ending a relationship then don't forget to add it to the list below! And if browsing through this list, you'll think that being single forever is the way to go, don't worry as there's always a weirdo just for you!

#1

We had planned to do dinner and a movie but I had to work late, so we stopped at Chik-Fil-A on the way to the theater. After she finished eating, she threw her trash out of my car and into the street. I never spoke to her again after that day.

sheogorath366 Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

Now that is a legit reason.

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#2

We are at a local brewery and she looks as though she is about to cry. I ask her what the problem is and she mentions that they don't have any vegan options. They have plenty of vegetarian options that allow for you to substitute for vegan cheese, so I suggest that. At this point tears are rolling down her cheek. I ask if she has another place in mind and she immediately perks up. We head over to that restaurant and she orders fish tacos.

twoheadedcoy2 Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

Wow...this is annoying.

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#3

His toenails were so long they clicked on the floor like a dog.

condimentia Report

Nancy E
Community Member
3 years ago

Just plain GROSS !

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#4

I took her out to eat. I said I wanted the salmon, she suggested I ordered a burger 'like a man'.

BobbySwagger Report

Benny Lava
Community Member
3 years ago

And drink nothing but beer and bourbon. They only use water to wash their monster trucks.

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#5

I dated this girl who was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of mmms and noms as well. It was like dating the cookie monster.

CloudJockey Report

coffee zombie
Community Member
3 years ago

Why drag cookie monster in this?

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#6

She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.
I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonalds to get nugs/fries.

deleted Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

This is seriously gross. Did she also look like a chicken nugget?

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#7

The voice she used to baby talk to her dog was insufferable. Occasionally she would use it on me but not a lot. Then one night she asked me, "Can I sucky on your dicky?" It was the first, and last, time I turned down sexual activity. We broke up right then and there.

BrosephKennedy Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

Why diddinotti you telly her to speaky seriously'y?

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#8

I once broke up with a girl because she couldn't ever decide on something. I would say, "Lets go to the movies" and I'd even ask what movie she wanted to see, and she would NEVER make up her mind. Drove me nuts.
Turns out she had another boyfriend, and when I confronted her about it, she told me "She couldn't decide between the two of us." fml

borstyy Report

Eleven Seventy Seven
Community Member
3 years ago

my ex-bf did that all the time....drove me nuts. I had to decide everything, dinner, film, so I was always trying to pick what I knew he liked.

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#9

I hung in there for like 2 years.. The thing that did me in? She made noises, like all the time, and then giggle at herself.
She'd sit down in a chair "ploppppp, hehe." She'd fluff up a pillow "foof foof foof hehe." She'd use the TV remote "pshew pshew hehe." We'd eat out "cunch cunch hehe."
At the end, I wanted to jump off the roof.

Maarek Report

Erin Cridge
Community Member
3 years ago

Jump, jump hehehe

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#10

She ate my burger that I ordered at Chili's. I asked her if she wanted food. She said no. Right as the food came I went to the bathroom. I came back and the f*cking burger was gone. "Oops I'm sorry I was a little hungry." F you.

Kennard Report

Prashant Karnath
Community Member
3 years ago

Wait... Is this Joey??

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#11

I once broke up with a girl because I thought she was hiding something and was going to break up with me. Turns out she was indeed hiding something: a trip to the Caribbean. For us.
I was an idiot at 22.

MyBatmanUnderoos Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

Ouch!

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#12

She didn't believe in the moon landing

blazetheworld Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

And probably even told stories about this man-made global warming....unbelievable! (/sarcasm)

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#13

She asked what I would do if someone poked a hole in my condom.

livestreambot Report

Ricky Couture
Community Member
3 years ago

Apparently break up.

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#14

I was 9 at the time. Got a girlfriend on a Thursday, my mom got me glasses that weekend. I came back to school with glasses and the moment my girlfriend saw me she said "ewwww you dork" and broke up with me. She's a heroin addict now.

TheBlkBecSnd Report

Lara B.
Community Member
3 years ago

Serves her right after bullying a kid for his glassed! No, seriously. Kids can be cruel, that is unfortunately the way it is (not saying it needs to be that way! No, i hate it!).

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#15

She was a one-upper. She'd have a better version of every one of my stories.

tommynightmare Report

Erin Cridge
Community Member
3 years ago

I dated a guy that was way worse than that...

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#16

She used to sneak up on me while I'm peeing, grab hold of my junk and start aiming for me.
Eventually, I started to fake being startled so I'd have an excuse to piss on her feet, in the hopes that she would realize it's a bad idea.

SlapMyHams Report

Flo Ris
Community Member
3 years ago

Or.. just lock the door ? -_-

Rebekah Pruett
Community Member
3 years ago

OR she could have stayed out of the bathroom while he was taking a piss, like normal people do. Personal boundaries are important, even inside a relationship. Privacy is a thing and there is absolutely nothing wrong with giving someone space to pee. We only lock doors for toddlers in my house because they don't have personal boundaries.

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Brigitte
Community Member
3 years ago

What the hell did I just read?

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

Pissing on her feet is pretty extreme - why couldn't you just tell her?!

Catalina Ioan
Community Member
3 years ago

I would think he'd already tried by that point. And if so, hell, it's such a stupid thing for her to do, I'd say an equally extreme response is fair game.

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Barry Parker
Community Member
3 years ago

Sounds to me like she had a sexual fetish she was trying to brooch the subject on...

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

Not a fetish... we were flirting in a weird way. Obviously he was cool with it at first and then not... as I am finding it here. How does a girl overpower a guy in that situation without getting pissed on. He would hand it over. He's to blame. This is fucked. Sucks that I am outing him

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George Perrin
Community Member
3 years ago

At least she didnt try to help you aim while you were taking a dump

Lucybaby
Community Member
3 years ago

I would just tell her to leave, some people would call that sexual harassment after a period of time.

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

Thanks for this "Slapmyhams". I sound like a super pervert with some serious sexual issues. You are a leader in the realm of assholes. Thankfully my name isn't in your lovely display of your lack of communication. I love just how much respect you continue to give me even 15 years after the fact. Enjoy "Slapping your OWN ham".... WOW!

Caroline Smith
Community Member
3 years ago

Lock the bathroom door dumb ass

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

Or... don't hand it to her like you want her to hold it. Or.. tell her.. no thanks to this!

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Ricky Couture
Community Member
3 years ago

This story just doesn't add up. For starters, how do you sneak up on someone peeing? Are you peeing outdoors? In the sink? And how does she aim your junk at you? Is this some kind of special detachable junk power you have, or is it some kind of garden-hose situation? And how, exactly, do you piss on her feet? She standing in front of the toilet, or do you do a complete 180 (while somehow startled) and not manage to run out before you find her feet? Just sounds like some chicanery to me! Not buyin' it bro.

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

THANK YOU!

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Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

You likely preferred your first cousin to hold it. Or... perhaps you preferred manually plunging your own enormous dump with your hand...instead of asking for a plunger.

Jamie J
Community Member
3 years ago

If I was the guy in this situation, I'd just straight up piss right on her when I saw her coming, whether she was coming to f*ck with me or not 😂

Gloria Wesson
Community Member
3 years ago

Probably happened indoors and outdoors... LOL...!! Did you ever tell her STOP..!!???

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

He did not. He did not lock the door either.

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Mark Kelly
Community Member
3 years ago

Not a deal break for me. In fact, I'd go further if she wanted to.

Lucine Kazanian
Community Member
3 years ago

Odd

Jordan Helgerson
Community Member
3 months ago

why would she do that to you? that's just dumb! also just lock the door!?

Nate Adams
Community Member
1 year ago

Just lock the door buddy

Zeus Lim
Community Member
2 years ago

I wouldn't mind

birdhouse
Community Member
2 years ago

Odd fetish?

Jace
Community Member
2 years ago

Did you ever once consider saying "hey, that's not cool, it's bizarre, i don't like it, please stop"?

Wombat34
Community Member
3 years ago

Freudian

Alfredo Palacios
Community Member
3 years ago

Who can be pissed off for being dick grabbed?

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

He liked it. How would I get it? He is 3-4 times stronger than me and double my size.

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LadyAna
Community Member
3 years ago

Wha-? What kind of a person does that? Crazy chick.

Bianca
Community Member
3 years ago

she grabbed hold of your junk.... x-x rip

Seong Jin
Community Member
3 years ago

WHO DOES THAT

Garrett
Community Member
3 years ago

I think she had a very bad case of penis envy!!!

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

hahaha... kind of true :) But I respect boundaries if they are expressed. He would hand it over to me like he liked it. Now I am seeing my private life here. AWESOME!

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Chiemi Honda
Community Member
3 years ago

I'm seriously offended for this guy... i don't know if it true... but if it is, that girl has serious issues... that can be sexual harassment. I know some might find this funny, but I can't help but cringe and think that girl is sexually deviant... it isn't about "grabbing his junk", it's doing an action against his will...

Found it
Community Member
3 years ago

This is an example of a guy exploiting his private life on the Internet. He willingly handing his "junk" over. He thought it was fun at first. How could I overpower him?

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John Smith
Community Member
3 years ago

Or just drink some pee and kiss her afterwards.....

Rebekah Pruett
Community Member
3 years ago

You're nicer than me, I'd have peed all over her about the second time she did it.

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#17

I dated a girl for a short time, based on a blind date. One night, we were driving to dinner and I was telling a story. I ended by saying "It was funny as hell."
She looked at me and asked, "Do you really think hell is funny?"
Awkward dinner was the last dinner.

Beaglepower Report

Bipolar King
Community Member
3 years ago

Do you? 😂

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#18

She would belch like a trucker, and then look at me excitedly for approval. One time she forced the belch too hard, and threw up in her own lap like a sick dog.

deleted Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

That's so disgusting...

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#19

She was putting mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it all over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand. You would never ever think she would do this by looking at her or speaking to her.

callmesnake13 Report

Lara B.
Community Member
3 years ago

Mustard on fries?! That's a reason to break up all by itself 😳

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#20

She would constantly talk specifically during the dialogue of movies. In scenes where nobody was talking...silence. Then as soon as somebody started talking:
"DID YOU READ THAT ARTICLE ON SHEA BUTTER IN THE PAPER?"

adamiojsg Report

E Menendez
Community Member
3 years ago

I know someone like that. Only she will ask questions about what is going on at the same time the dialogue is explaining exactly what is going on. Or ask a question about something that hasn't been explained yet and I am like idfk, I am watching the same movie you are. Why would I know that? While there is a significant scene occurring.

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#21

He put A1 all over filet mignon I made him for Valentine's Day. This was not some shit big box filet -- hand cut and selected specially for the occasion by butchers I know.
And he wanted it well done.
Woman's gotta have a code, man.... Some shit ain't right.

SwiggyBloodlust Report

Kenneth Corley
Community Member
3 years ago

Honestly, I completely understand.

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#22

He was really nice, but when we got to speaking on Facebook and text he could barely spell anything, and didn't find grammar necessary. I felt bad until he called me a bitch.

lolsasha Report

Lara B.
Community Member
3 years ago

Bad spelling really puts me off as well...

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#23

I broke up with this guy after going out twice because he ended up having NO sense of humor & I love to laugh. After I broke up with him I started getting multiple phone calls on a daily basis from car dealerships - they would always start the conversation off with "Im sorry but I know Im going to pronounce your name wrong"...followed by names such as: Ms. Cuntarella, Ms. Bitschface & Ms. Fatasse. IM NOT KIDDING YALL. Sad thing is, I laughed SO HARD because damn, thats original!

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Rambling Rapscallion
Community Member
3 years ago

Soo, turns out he did have a sense of homour

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#24

He ate my lunch while I left to get napkins for him. The only meals I ever really got my junior year was the free lunch provided from the school district for low income families. He didn't know that and assumed it was OK because I usually don't get mad over those kind of things but I was on my period and just got done with stupid standardized testing. So I walked away and never looked back.

elllkayyyemmm__ Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Tested your limit once too often, right?

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#25

She said nickelback was modern day Shakespeare.

nathanb065 Report

Brownie emoji
Community Member
3 years ago

Well Shakespeare was weird as anything

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#26

Every time I yawned she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. I could never relax…always had to be prepared for oral violation

AbeLincolnsBallsack Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

Easily fixed by having the basic manners to cover your mouth with your hand when you yawn!

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#27

I was a 15 year old freshmen and she was 17 year old senior. When we started dating, she said she wanted to wait two months before having sex. I was a virgin and wasn't even really worried about it so I agreed. Then a month later things got hot and heavy and she insisted that we do it; I asked "are you sure? You said you wanted to wait" but she insisted on banging it out anyways. Afterwards, she said that it was a test to see if I would actually wait like I said I would. Then she dumped me.

Goldsteina Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

Wow - that's twisted!

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#28

I suspected her of stealing my Pokémon card. Nothing special, just a Pikachu, but damn, when my suspicions settled in, I smashed all ties with her. I miss being 11.

Zer0_Sanity Report

OTTERZ4LIFE
Community Member
3 years ago

I started reading and I thought WHAT IN THE WORLD? WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT. 11 yrs old. I literally face palm.

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#29

She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee. Would leave clumps of coffee sugar.

viperh Report

Hatsune Chiku
Community Member
3 years ago

Yup, this is a legit reason to break up

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#30

I had left him in the restaurant because he said that cats are stupid. I asked once again: "So, you're saying that MY cat is stupid???" He said: "Yes ..." I stood up and went away. That was our first (and last!) date.

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Jose Baeyens
Community Member
3 years ago

I love my cat !

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#31

He used water in his cereal instead of milk.

godshirma Report

Kaung Myat Htet
Community Member
3 years ago

wth this drives me crazy when thinking of it

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#32

Was staying at a beachhouse with girlfriend and her family. Outdoor shower. I'm in there fapping up a storm because, I don't know, it felt appropriate at the time. You ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? Turns out you can look down into the shower from the top deck railing and her mom and aunt are laughing it up like little girls watching me operate the dutch rudder. I didn't say a single word to girlfriend, got in my car, drove 3 hours home. Just never called her.

GTEAEYE Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

Wow, this one is embrassasing only to read...

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#33

I met this gorgeous Kenyan girl. Beautiful to put it simply. I took her to a baseball game and things were going well. But she kept referring to the crowd as "the humans" or "you humans". For instance, 3rd inning comes around and so does the wave. Once it passes us, she sits down, laughs and says "You humans have weird customs." This freaked me out. All I could think was if we are the humans... wtf are you?!

mekio_san Report

Daria B
Community Member
3 years ago

Oh, come on, a little understanding for a lost and lonely alien trying to blend in within Earthlings' culture. ^_- ♥

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#34

I briefly dated a lady who was very attractive but, I soon learned, probably fell comfortably into the 5th percentile of IQ. I'm from Africa and told her about traditional weddings in my country, where a cow would often be slaughtered in front of the guests, for their consumption. She screwed up her face and said something like "Oh my god, who eats cows?". I looked at her for a moment, and asked "Do you eat beef?". "Yes," came the reply. I got up and left shortly afterwards.

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Faith Smith
Community Member
3 years ago

But beef doesnt come from cows it comes from the supermarket

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#35

She always said "I don't mind" as the answer to every question put to her. What film do you want to see? What do you want from the chippy? What club do you want to go to tonight? Always "I don't mind" so I would make a choice only to be met with
"ugh, I don't like that. I would rather [insert choice]"
Drove me up the walls.

Bamboo_Steamer Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Guess she didn't mind when you broke up.

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#36

He didn't eat anything but potatoes, peanut butter, and ramen. He wasn't a broke college student, just a f*cking picky eater. Nope. Adios.

jessicaaannneee Report

Emre
Community Member
3 years ago

2 men problems in 19 posts :)

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#37

She'd wait until she had the bartender's attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.

witehare Report

Amanda Butler
Community Member
3 years ago

This one would irk me too!

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#38

I had an ex leave me after five years so she could "go be young". About three years later she has two kids and she's divorced.

iowabeans Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Let's hope she finally got it all our of her system, lol. :D

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#39

I absolutely hate anime. Not shitting on it, that's just my brutally honest opinion. I don't know why, but I just can't stand it. Anyways, I didn't have a problem with her loving anime, but I did have a problem with her forcing me to watch it all the time, saying "I'd grow to like it", but if anything my disliking towards it only grew stronger. We couldn't find something we both wanted to watch, no no, we had to watch anime.

ravel77 Report

Amanda Butler
Community Member
3 years ago

I dated a guy like this once. He insisted on wearing "anime shirts" as well. He was 32. Maybe we should hook them up?

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#40

We got in a fight because he didn't want me drinking green tea. (He was Mormon) I was fine with the Mormonism but he claimed green tea was bad for my health.

glitterexplodingbomb Report

Master Markus
Community Member
3 years ago

You shouldn't be fine with Mormonism if you can help it. It was created by a convicted fraud and the church makes it very difficult for people to leave or have any sort of privacy away from it. All religion is pretty unbelievable, but Mormonism is expressly of the money-grabbing cult sort.

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#41

On our first date, I brought her home. I went to let my dog out for a grand total of five minutes, and she shaved her genitals using my razor. I came back in, went in the bathroom, and it was like a shaving cream bomb went off. Then I noticed my razor, wet with hairs on it. I have a full beard, and hadn't used it in over a week. She then played it off like nothing happened, and there was nothing she felt like telling me.

bizroy Report

Annemarie Elshout
Community Member
3 years ago

and you missed the hint for sex...buy e new blade the next day

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#42

She broke up with me because I was & I'm paraphrasing "an unhinged atheist "
Ps I'm just a research scientist.

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Leoninus Fate
Community Member
3 years ago

.....is this the same girl from below?...

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#43

I have two. One guy ate like a t-rex. He would keep his elbows by his side while he ate and leaned over to get his food off his fork. Another guy had no shape to the back of his head. His neck just went straight up. Both named Chris.

rubyreddorothy Report

Dyallen Efendi
Community Member
3 years ago

LMAOOOOOO

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#44

She had the same name as my sister. I liked her and tried, but I just couldn't do it.

deleted Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

Do you have a serious infatuation with your sister? If not, perhaps therapy could help.

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#45

She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her "travels to the grocery store" or "my travels to Yosemite". I ended it cause I said I needed space, last thing she said to me was "good luck on your travels".

moderatelysizedmikel Report

Brivid
Community Member
3 years ago

Some people can not afford to go to other countries or even to go to the other side of the US. However California is quite a large state that spans the Pacific seaboard, a gal could do a lot of affordable travel right in her own state.

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#46

Shallowest reason here but with zero exaggeration - her natural laugh was a bellowing siren that sounded extremely forced and fake. During a normal conversation, this reverse duck call would sporatically ring through the public area causing literal standstills, quickly followed by several groups paying full attention to our table just waiting for the next siren to go off. And it would - with the exact same pitch, volume and length.

00RushmoreYankee00 Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Should have kept her.....she could have come in handy during an emergency.

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#47

I once had a girlfriend's dad tell his own daughter that she wasn't good enough for me. No shit. The Japanese are brutal.

deleted Report

Michel M. Prins
Community Member
3 years ago

That's horrible. I wouldn't be surprised if the father is part of the source for her "not being good enough".

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#48

She would always make points by asking opposing questions.
For example, "Do I like crunchy peanut butter? No. Do I like creamy peanut butter? Yes."
It happened three or four times a day. And never in a scenario that made sense to be formatted that way. I didn't even break up with her. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her out of fear of having an aneurysm.

doodleysquat Report

Victor Vakaras
Community Member
3 years ago

Do it like this: Are we together? Yes. Will we be together tomorrow? No.

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#49

She had lower self esteem than me. No one has lower self esteem than me. NO ONE, JERRY

CuNxTu Report

Sue Z Q
Community Member
3 years ago

Couldn't reach the top of a curb with a 10-foot pole?

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#50

He obsessed with Japan and anyone on Earth dares to say anything, even if its true about that country he would gone mad. We once walked in Tokyo (as he insist to visit that country) and we saw loads of prostitutes around. He said those must be women from poorer country, like Vietnam, as Japanese are "too cool for that". and I'm a Vietnamese...so...F'off!

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Diana CrunChewy Watson
Community Member
3 years ago

This is a sign of a bigger problem: he forms an opinion and defends it regardless of fact.

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#51

I broke up with a guy because he was forcing me to be a fat, furry characters in our roleplays, even when i told him so many times that I hate these things. That was not the only thing, he even forgot my birthday, flirted with my, under age female friend, and even with my ex. The last drop was when he started me sending fake pictures of his genitals, which were much bigger than his real ones, he then blamed me that I made it all up.

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Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy - he sounds a little (or a lot) crazy lol

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#52

1 gf broke up with me because her best friend just broke up with her bf a couple days before. Didn't know our relationships were tied together like that

chadder_b Report

Khanh Phan
Community Member
3 years ago

Dafuq? Seems like she didn't date you base on her emotion but merely to match up with her friend. That's cruel to play with other people feeling like this..

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#53

i once dated a guy who would occasionally talk on the phone to someone in Spanish who he claimed to be his mother. it turned out to be his girlfriend.

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Mario Cg
Community Member
3 years ago

¡Ese bastardo!

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#54

He had been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend for two weeks because he'd been feeling neglected. I had been enrolled in a therapy group by my doctor for clinical depression and social anxiety. A week later, he tells me he broke up with her and wants me back. I said no. He sent a last resort dick pic. I still said no. The next day, his girlfriend finds me on Facebook and messages me to stop bothering her man. His stupidity was mind boggling. I'm happily single.

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Mario Cg
Community Member
3 years ago

I don't get dick pics as getting anything positive out of them

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#55

He spoiled Doctor Who for me. Serious spoilers.

CopperTodd17 Report

Nommee Noms
Community Member
3 years ago

(((((bill is gay)))))

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#56

I dated a guy I had known since we were kids, but had been years since we had seen each other. The first weekend I spent with him, we went to the bar with his friends. After, we all went to his house to watch some stand-up comedy. At one point he got up, went into the kitchen, pissed in fridge, then proceeded to walk back into the living room where he face-planted/passed out into a deep drunken slumber.
The red flag was his friends told me "Don't worry. He does this all the time"

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Kim Lee
Community Member
3 years ago

Ewwwww

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#57

I got along with her father, she liked me because I was a rebel. I still miss her dad.

PM_ME_CHINCHILLA_PIC Report

Tony Cabré
Community Member
3 years ago

Me too

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#58

We were at a dinner party with his friends (another couple) the friends start talking about how it's really difficult to get a decent job with all the migrants. I laugh expecting the joke to be over, it wasn't, he agrees. I'm Mexican I left never saw him again.

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Benicio del Pilitch
Community Member
3 years ago

i've been in similar situations, it's just terrible.

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#59

She would only eat at restaurants that served Mountain Dew. If they did not, she could/would not eat there.
I kicked that one to the curb quickly and with no hesitation because that's f*cking insane.

douchetorials Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

You couldn't "Dew the Dew?"

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#60

She called herself "pretty much a psychologist" after taking Psych 1000.

omeezysheezy Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Amazing how many people associated with that field need it more than the patients.

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#61

I was dating a guy briefly early this Spring. He was a bigger guy, about 6'4" and 250 lbs. Two weeks into dating, when I'd try to have a conversation with him, he started to use this tiny, nasally, lispy baby voice to talk to me with! He said stuff like "oh mah gerd", "awww, poor baybay" or "cool story bro"...even had a movie quote for every scenario. All in the lispy baby voice! It was the biggest turn off ever, so I ghosted. No wonder he is single.

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Gerry Higgins
Community Member
3 years ago

You dated Mike Tyson?!

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#62

A guy left me because I was doing my Master in Cultural Studies. He said that it's not serious course enough and I haven't planned my futhure well. Two weeks later, he was dating a a two-classes-lower student of the same studies.

I can not blame him, she had like amazing boobs.

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Paul K. Johnson
Community Member
3 years ago

I wonder if her upper butt crack passed the smell test though.

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#63

I left 2 bottles of expensive French wine at his place when I left, told him to keep him for next time we would see each other.
He drank them with his buddies at a camping trip, told me about it afterwards, still asked me if I could bring more "of that french wine he got drunk on"
Animal.

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Naima Ivansdóttir
Community Member
3 years ago

classy...

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#64

She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn't know the words until she HEARD them. It got SO annoying, SO quickly. Nope.

geekstorm Report

Long Joan Silver
Community Member
3 years ago

As a musician myself, that really annoys me. Also, when people sing the lyrics before the artist does on the track, constantly, it just really spoils the song.

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#65

I'm really into craft beers and I get super excited when I go to a place with a really big tap and/or bottle selection. I was on a second date with a guy and we were at a local bar with one of the best bottle selections in town. As I'm standing there analyzing the different bottles, trying to narrow down what I'd like to try, he orders us two Busch Lites.
I stopped returning his calls after that.

mizzbates Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

That could have been handled better.

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#66

She didn't know butter was made from milk.

therapcat Report

Gerry Higgins
Community Member
3 years ago

It's not. Butter is made from cream. You should get back with her.

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#67

I took a bus, ferry, and subway to commute to her place.
She wouldn't reciprocate. The commuting distribution was wildly uneven! Trains! Boats! Busses!

AlfSilfversson Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Definitely a one way relationship.

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#68

"I seen that the other day" NOPE. BYE.

thethirdriver Report

Corinne.
Community Member
3 years ago

I SEEN'T IT

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#69

He mispronounced words. Drove me crazy. Subtle was one of the words. He said SUB til. I just couldn't...

Soregular Report

Lorraine Groves
Community Member
3 years ago

Ugh! My husband of 19 years does this and it drives me nuts. But he does it intentionally which is worse. And sometimes when ordering food he will use a fake accent.

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#70

I once dumped a guy because we were doing the same things every day, like it was an army routine. I saw my life flash before my eyes with all my future days being the same. So, to break the cycle, he had to go.

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Michel M. Prins
Community Member
3 years ago

I think this is a very reasonable situation to end it. If you feel being trapped in a cycle and you dislike it, then you have to take unpleasant steps, now and then.

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#71

She left me because I brought flowers and a love letter to her house because we had a pointless fight over text the day prior. Obviously meant as a surprise. When I asked if she's serious she reminded me that she told me 3 months before that she hates surprises and that this was the second strike. 2 years later I realised I dodged a tank shell.

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Dane Pearson
Community Member
3 years ago

I don't even know her and I don't like her...

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#72

I know someone who broke up with their SO because whenever they took a bite from a fork they would bite down on it while they slid it out of their front teeth. Makes me cringe thinking about it.

temtam Report

Jowee Jow Jow
Community Member
3 years ago

Thanks now I have the shudders!!

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#73

Found out she was banging a friend and smoking crack around our baby daughter.

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pikachu
Community Member
3 years ago

why are there not many upvotes?

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#74

She had the smelliest upper buttcrack. Its almost as if she would wash her buttcrack with a dirtier buttcrack

TexasFight Report

Victor Vakaras
Community Member
3 years ago

What in the hell?

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#75

She said she was a big Pink Floyd fan. Later, didn't recognize Pink Floyd on the radio.

notoriousslacker Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

OMG, you are so musically ignorant that you didn't recognize Pink Floyd?! At the very least you should know all about all of the band members, their strengths and weaknesses. You should be totally ashamed of yourself.

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#76

Barbeque sauce. She was from St. Louis and decided that St. Louis style was the ONLY bbq sauce that she would use. I season and smoke a beautiful brisket, and she slathers it with sweet bbq sauce WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IT AS IT WAS INTENDED.
I'm getting angry now.

cosmoski Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Her food, her choice. Get over it.

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#77

I made a comment about hating the fact that there are security cameras everywhere.
She fired back with the bullshit "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" argument. I knew we weren't meant to be.

rangemaster Report

Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

I agree with you, just because you have nothing to hide, doesn't mean you want it broadcast live

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#78

Oh, I have so many stories about him but i'm gonna tell the one that was the last drop for me. We were in his room. I was sitting on his bed and at one point i was looking under his bed and i saw bottles filled with something. i asked him what it was but he refused to tell me. I was afraid to ask, but i did it: "is it pee?". It was. Seven big bottles of pee because he was too lazy to walk in to the hall to the bathroom. I can somehow understand laziness, but why keep 7 bottles of pee?!

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Amanda Scott
Community Member
3 years ago

:-O

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#79

During sex, her giant dog jumped up on the bed and licked my balls from behind. Freaked me out, and I completely ghosted her after that. We were doing doggy style.

del_sull Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

My imagination is suddenly running wild! :O

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#80

On a first date we had a coffee then went for a walk at his suggestion to somewhere he liked. We walked for 20 minutes and then he stopped and said thoughtfully, 'I thought we'd sit here.' I turn around expecting a bench, but its just the pavement, and its facing a car park. No second date.

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Porto DaMartinica
Community Member
3 years ago

it's called mdma at it's sweetest

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#81

She left me because she thought I was going to leave her for another guy. I'm bisexual, and was head over heels in love with her.

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DankMemographer
Community Member
3 years ago

That is so sad. I'm so sorry

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#82

She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving.
Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree (that's how she would say it)

I_Say_I_Say Report

Tina Gesoura
Community Member
3 years ago

My daughter used to do this... when she was 2 years old.

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#83

I was the one got dumped but I was talking on the phone to my then girlfriend and my brother says "what if you take her home, and find out her dick is bigger than yours?" I laughed. She asked me what was so funny and I (like an idiot) told her. She broke up with me as soon as I was done telling her. Thinking back on it, I wonder if my brother was right?

ucantsimee Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
3 years ago

I doubt your brother was right - she probably just realised what how immature and nasty you were. Bullet dodged... by her!

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#84

We ate mushrooms one night in college and we were coming down laying in bed and I realized she had a weird smell about her. I forgot about it, fell asleep, and after a couple more times seeing each other I ended it because the smell was permanent. Her natural aroma. I just couldn't shake it. It was like a combination of poppers and sweaty feet. We weren't a great match anyways but the smell made the choice easy.

All_Bonered_UP Report

Ly Nguyen
Community Member
3 years ago

Fun fact, smell is one of the many ways that humans will subconsciously identify if they are biologically compatible with each other, i.e. are their genetics such that they will make strong offspring. If you don't like the natural smell of your date, it might be your lizard brain telling you their not a good match (either that or they just have bad hygiene lol) (source:http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html)

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#85

She said one of my dogs was, "kinda ugly."

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Rafaella Bueno
Community Member
3 years ago

I'd love someone honest enough to say that. It means whenever she complements you on anything, it's honest, and that if you do something she doesn't like, she'll actually tell you instead of pretending it's all fine.

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#86

Met the guy on the Saturday, by the next Saturday I had around 700-800 texts off him, he'd send 10 in the time I'd take to reply once. He blew my phone up constantly to the point where I could hardly carry a conversation with someone else, if I was busy for even an hour I'd find myself having to read 50 texts afterwards!

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Diana CrunChewy Watson
Community Member
3 years ago

That's a bit much.

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#87

I once broke up with a girl because she was just so fake. She wouldn't just be REAL. The deal breaker was when she tried to steal my unicorn. I told her she was the worst girlfriend i could ever imagine. My current imaginary girlfriend is much nicer.

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Courtney Davis
Community Member
3 years ago

Points for creativity

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#88

We were dating for a week when he took me on a trip to meet his family. Not that big of an issue, I guess. Then at the two week mark, he told me he loved me. Right after he said that, he decided to tell me every minute detail about the texture of his ex's vagina. At the three week mark, he showed up at my house at 4 am and moved all of his stuff in. He stole my house key to do it saying it was a surprise. Oh, and he constantly stole cigarettes from me even though he had asthma.

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Kieron Behan
Community Member
3 years ago

Wait, you stuck around for a week after he gave you a full, detailed description of his ex's vagina?

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#89

When she wore heels, she walked like Jar-Jar-Binks. You know what I'm talking about.

Wolvestailor Report

Luis Sanchez
Community Member
3 years ago

oh no thnk goodness u ended it messa nossa likeyyyy

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#90

He believes that the earth is flat.

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Kevin Braid
Community Member
3 years ago

hahaha what a fucking moron, omg.

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#91

He let his dog defacate inside the house on the carpet. It was still there 4 days later.

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Heidi Bean
Community Member
3 years ago

sickening

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#92

She always ordered food, ate half of it, then ate half of mine. Then she would offer to share what she ordered, but I didn't like the stuff she ordered.

acid_testing Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

She should have set the food rules before she dug in.

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#93

I went out with a girl a few times who was completely normal whenever she was around me, but whenever I saw her with her friends she morphed into one of those weird, screaming, over-excited girls who seem like a flock of chickens. Big turn-off.

karmanaut Report

Leoninus Fate
Community Member
3 years ago

oh wow a human woman!

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#94

Double negatives.
Constantly.
I tried to help by explaining that it's unnecessary.
She responded, "I don't never do that!"
I closed my eyes as I was leaving.

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Šimon Špaček
Community Member
3 years ago

We don't need no education...

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#95

I asked him to bring a bottle of red wine to go with dinner and he brought Raspberry Arbor Mist.

AmyDooodle Report

Danny Root
Community Member
3 years ago

Arbor Mist is great if you're eating cheap and just want to get drunk.

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#96

She ate her peas one at time. One at a time!

No-Mas-Pantalones Report

Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

I have done this - not all the time - but sometimes it's just fun lol

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#97

She asked for ketchup for her steak at an an expensive steakhouse.

Arpikarhu Report

Zubin Bharucha
Community Member
3 years ago

Was her name Donald Trump?

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#98

Her voice was annoying and when speaking she placed emphasis on the weirdest parts of the sentence.

The_7_Maskim Report

Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

This seems kind of shallow... but I get it lol

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#99

This girl was taking too many selfies with me, showing me off to so many people, sexy girl but I felt like a cat.

davefinisher Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

And obviously you didn't know how to say enough already.

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#100

After 45 minutes of having sex in the same position, asked if he wanted to change positions. His response? No. We have to stick to the agenda.

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Alice Putt
Community Member
3 years ago

Had a friend who's new husband whipped out a sex manual on their honeymoon and started on page one.

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#101

He voted for Trump. Ew

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John Baker
Community Member
3 years ago

Now that's a valid reason. :-)

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#102

Years ago I dated a guy who was obsessed with cherry Chapstick. He'd slather it on obsessively including before we'd have sex. Recently a friend was matched with him on OKCupid and asked me if I knew him. I was telling her about the Chapstick thing, and as she scrolls through his profile, we see a list of top 5 things he can't do without. Number 1? CHERRY CHAPSTICK. :(

deleted Report

Miguel Gomez
Community Member
3 years ago

At least he's honest.

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#103

My brother (who is a bit of a shithead anyways) broke up with a girl because she had dentures and didn't tell him. (She had been in an accident and had all her teeth knocked out.) He tried to paint it as her being dishonest, but I called bullshit. She let him put it in, and he was ready to move on to the next one.

headhurt21 Report

Michel M. Prins
Community Member
3 years ago

I feel bad for the girl. Not all accidents can be prevented. I hope she found herself a REAL man, instead of children like that brother.

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#104

The guy I was with kept sighing when he didn't know what to say. Also he blinked slowly. It drove me mad

PixelPoppah Report

Bipolar King
Community Member
3 years ago

Just pictured Flash from zootopia 😂

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#105

He would whine like a puppy when we made out ... thats a no for me

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Joseph Khur
Community Member
3 years ago

That is creepy!

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#106

I was dumped because I used my windshield wipers too often.

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David Peters
Community Member
3 years ago

I assume you are doing this when it's not raining.

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#107

He would put his mouth over my nose and blow down it. Most horrific thing ever.

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Jess Gore
Community Member
3 years ago

WTH??? I would've had to stab him...UGH!!

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#108

I started dating a guy in high school. After about a year of dating, one day out of the blue he mentioned that I was "getting fat". I changed my lifestyle habits and started exercising. Soon after, I had lost 40 pounds and started getting compliments from friends and family members on my progress, some of which were male. My boyfriend didn't like the attention I was getting from "other guys", and told me that I needed to "put some more weight back on" because he was jealous. Bye.

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Heidi Bean
Community Member
3 years ago

Too controlling

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#109

She pronounced it "cold slaw"

EnysAtSea Report

Kayleen Condrick
Community Member
3 years ago

Perfect reason.

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#110

She wouldn't french kiss when we made out! I couldn't wrap my head around what she thought making out was. What do you do in this situation?! Do you just peck at one another's face until you become aggravated and try to move on? The dynamics were just all wrong.

deleted Report

Nina Amalie Haastrup Spindler
Community Member
3 years ago

LoL! I had a bf like that! It was our first kiss, and after a while I just got so fed up, that I forced my tongue through his lips. Later I found out he had been sexually assaulted as a child, so maybe it wasn't the best thing I did, but he played it cool and took the hint.

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#111

He once came with his eyes open and crossed. Just really freaked me out. I could never get the picture of his face out of my mind after that.

fortune_cxxkie Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Maybe he loved you so much, he wanted to see two of you.

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#112

After spending the evening at the mall, we bought something a clerk gave us a ticket with a discount for the parking, I laughed and told him that I didn't have a car, after walking a few steps my ex told me that I had embarrassed her for not having one. I decided right there and then that I wouldn't ever marry that type of b!tc#.

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Jess Gore
Community Member
3 years ago

That extremely long sentence made me dizzy.

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#113

Had a gf who broke up with me because her father died. one year later she wanted to be back together. we arranged a date, called her house to check if she was ready. Guess who answered the phone.

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Στίβη Μανδαλα
Community Member
3 years ago

WTFFF.... :O

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#114

She walked like a T. Rex

thelazerbeast Report

Hans
Community Member
3 years ago

Run!

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#115

He and I were living in different states, I was still studying and wanted to pursue a career where I currently was, while he had a great job back home. He was self conscious about the distance between us and gave me an ultimatum, be with him and some point marry him or end things. Well, I guess you know how it went.

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Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

This one is kind of sad

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#116

She said she saw my dead mother in my room in the middle of the night while I went to the toilet. I asked her to leave and that was the end. 😁

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Angel
Community Member
3 years ago

That's creepy

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#117

So, i reallllly loved a guy, we date for almost 2years, one day left me at the door, go away and some days later sent me a message saying he didn´t want me anymore...3years passed and he come back, i accepted him (stupid, stupid me)...just to 6 months later he say "my love for you vanish to quickly..."
What a jerk :/

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Jenn Shbe
Community Member
3 years ago

I'm sorry you deserve better than that

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#118

He smeared blood all over my apartment when I was out. Came home to him yelling at me. Then he jumped out my window. I live on the third floor. He broke his pelvis, don't know if he ever learned to walk again.

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jo_shortland
Community Member
3 years ago

wtf

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#119

I dated a guy who would complain constantly and then get mad when I gave him advice. I stopped saying anything when he complained and he accused me of not listening.

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Benicio del Pilitch
Community Member
3 years ago

RUNNN !!!

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#120

I dated this guy for a few months, he was getting on my nerves with his constant baby talk. I was trying to let it go when my mom suggested I bring him to my birthday dinner to meet my family. I invited him and my parents wanted me to open my card. As I was opening my card, my boyfriend handed a card to my mother addressed to both my parents. My mom and dad both looked freaked out. When I read the card, it was a hand written card thanking my parents for having sex and creating me. SEE YA!

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Alice Putt
Community Member
3 years ago

This should be way up on this list.

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#121

He called it 'Malk' and drank it with dinner. Every. Day. (Milk! With an 'i' goddamn it)

nightnature Report

Jonna Liljeblad
Community Member
3 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ty62YzGryU4 Julian Smith - Malk

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#122

Every time we (french) kissed, she said, "Yummy!"
It was meant to be sexy. It. Wasn't.

myyummythroaway Report

Paul K. Johnson
Community Member
3 years ago

"She liked me so I broke up with her."

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#123

We had just started seeing each other and one day he started telling me about a cougar that hit on him at the gym (she made eye contact). He wouldn't stop talking about her so I blocked him. I wonder if he actually got a date with the cougar.

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Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

At least he would have still loved you when you got older.

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#124

He plucked his eyelashes.
No, I'm not confused, I mean his actual eyelashes, on his actual lids.

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John Ashley
Community Member
3 years ago

Sounds like compulsive disorder/nervous tick of some kind. The guy who maintained my website had no eyebrows because he had a compulsion to pick his eyebrows.

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#125

She sold my copy of "Amused to Death", signed by Roger Waters basicalky for peanuts, to make money for a present for her kid brother. I was caught between killing her or leaving her.

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Naima Ivansdóttir
Community Member
3 years ago

both?

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#126

She always wanted to cuddle/touch me/flirt while I was eating. I told her it bothered me, but she thought it was cute or something so she did it often. One night while eating a slice of pizza she kept rubbing her hand up and down my arm, I had decided enough was enough and loudly broke up with her.

Manford_Munchbox Report

John L
Community Member
3 years ago

At least we all know what you deem to be more important, and 'she' isn't it. Believe me, she is far better off for it. ;D

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#127

He lived on a busy street. His bedroom had two large windows that faced the street.
No curtains.

chumothy Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

His (sex) life was an open window.

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#128

I was dating a guy, and we were together for about 5 months when all of the sudden he told me that it wasn't working out. I asked him why, he said that I was "too good to him" and then that was the last I heard from him. Lamest excuse ever to give to someone..

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Colin Bayler
Community Member
3 years ago

Obviously, you were.

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#129

I went out on one date with a guy then he self declares, without my opinion or permission, that he is my boyfriend. He then proceeds to call me 'My Love' and called me at 3am everyday! It came to a point where I just ghosted the guy. His calls lasted a month then he went silent and I took it as a sign that he was over me, but no, two weeks from that last call he made to me he started calling again this time with a different number to tell me he 'broke up' with his new gf. The guy is mental!

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Amanda Scott
Community Member
3 years ago

So why didn't you just block his number?

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#130

I had one guy break up with me in high school because he said the ghost of his dead aunt told him to. Ok......

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Pi...
Community Member
3 years ago

He's been watching Fiddler on the Roof too often!

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#131

I once dated a girl who refused to make any noise while we had sex. Eventually she quit moving when we had sex too. When I asked her why. She says "if I don't make any sounds I like it." And continued saying "I don't move because I wanna get used to being raped." i don't know what she thinks this is but that ain't it! Deleted!

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