Do you want a girl who walks like a T-Rex? Maybe you're looking for somebody who chews so loudly that you'll feel like you're dating the Cookie Monster? Or perhaps you want a partner who applies mustard to fries by squeezing it into their hand and then smearing it all over their food? Well if you said yes to any of the above, then you're in luck because as you can see from this hilarious list of reasons that people deserved a breaking up for, all of these folks are currently leading a single life!

Compiled by Bored Panda, the stories below contain some of the funniest and most bizarre reasons that people have decided breaking up with somebody. It also includes some legendary breaking up quotes that you could definitely use as your own if need be. Let us know which one of the 'reasons why' is the best, and if you've had a funny or odd story ending a relationship then don't forget to add it to the list below! And if browsing through this list, you'll think that being single forever is the way to go, don't worry as there's always a weirdo just for you!

#1

We had planned to do dinner and a movie but I had to work late, so we stopped at Chik-Fil-A on the way to the theater. After she finished eating, she threw her trash out of my car and into the street. I never spoke to her again after that day.

sheogorath366 Report

#2

We are at a local brewery and she looks as though she is about to cry. I ask her what the problem is and she mentions that they don't have any vegan options. They have plenty of vegetarian options that allow for you to substitute for vegan cheese, so I suggest that. At this point tears are rolling down her cheek. I ask if she has another place in mind and she immediately perks up. We head over to that restaurant and she orders fish tacos.

twoheadedcoy2 Report

#3

His toenails were so long they clicked on the floor like a dog.

condimentia Report

#4

I took her out to eat. I said I wanted the salmon, she suggested I ordered a burger 'like a man'.

BobbySwagger Report

Benny Lava
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And drink nothing but beer and bourbon. They only use water to wash their monster trucks.

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#5

I dated this girl who was the loudest eater I ever met. She constantly chewed with her mouth open and smacked her lips. God forbid if she really liked it, then there came a litany of mmms and noms as well. It was like dating the cookie monster.

CloudJockey Report

#6

She refused to eat anything besides chicken nuggets and french fries. No substitutions. Not chicken tenders. Not chicken strips. If we went somewhere without nuggets and fries she would just order a Coke and watch me eat.
I once made the mistake of cooking dinner for her. She took one bite and asked if I would be offended if she ran to McDonalds to get nugs/fries.

deleted Report

Hans
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is seriously gross. Did she also look like a chicken nugget?

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#7

The voice she used to baby talk to her dog was insufferable. Occasionally she would use it on me but not a lot. Then one night she asked me, "Can I sucky on your dicky?" It was the first, and last, time I turned down sexual activity. We broke up right then and there.

BrosephKennedy Report

Hans
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why diddinotti you telly her to speaky seriously'y?

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#8

I once broke up with a girl because she couldn't ever decide on something. I would say, "Lets go to the movies" and I'd even ask what movie she wanted to see, and she would NEVER make up her mind. Drove me nuts.
Turns out she had another boyfriend, and when I confronted her about it, she told me "She couldn't decide between the two of us." fml

borstyy Report

Eleven Seventy Seven
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my ex-bf did that all the time....drove me nuts. I had to decide everything, dinner, film, so I was always trying to pick what I knew he liked.

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#9

I hung in there for like 2 years.. The thing that did me in? She made noises, like all the time, and then giggle at herself.
She'd sit down in a chair "ploppppp, hehe." She'd fluff up a pillow "foof foof foof hehe." She'd use the TV remote "pshew pshew hehe." We'd eat out "cunch cunch hehe."
At the end, I wanted to jump off the roof.

Maarek Report

#10

She ate my burger that I ordered at Chili's. I asked her if she wanted food. She said no. Right as the food came I went to the bathroom. I came back and the f*cking burger was gone. "Oops I'm sorry I was a little hungry." F you.

Kennard Report

#11

I once broke up with a girl because I thought she was hiding something and was going to break up with me. Turns out she was indeed hiding something: a trip to the Caribbean. For us.
I was an idiot at 22.

MyBatmanUnderoos Report

#12

She didn't believe in the moon landing

blazetheworld Report

Hans
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And probably even told stories about this man-made global warming....unbelievable! (/sarcasm)

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#13

She asked what I would do if someone poked a hole in my condom.

livestreambot Report

#14

I was 9 at the time. Got a girlfriend on a Thursday, my mom got me glasses that weekend. I came back to school with glasses and the moment my girlfriend saw me she said "ewwww you dork" and broke up with me. She's a heroin addict now.

TheBlkBecSnd Report

Lara B.
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Serves her right after bullying a kid for his glassed! No, seriously. Kids can be cruel, that is unfortunately the way it is (not saying it needs to be that way! No, i hate it!).

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#15

She was a one-upper. She'd have a better version of every one of my stories.

tommynightmare Report

#16

She used to sneak up on me while I'm peeing, grab hold of my junk and start aiming for me.
Eventually, I started to fake being startled so I'd have an excuse to piss on her feet, in the hopes that she would realize it's a bad idea.

SlapMyHams Report

#17

I dated a girl for a short time, based on a blind date. One night, we were driving to dinner and I was telling a story. I ended by saying "It was funny as hell."
She looked at me and asked, "Do you really think hell is funny?"
Awkward dinner was the last dinner.

Beaglepower Report

#18

She would belch like a trucker, and then look at me excitedly for approval. One time she forced the belch too hard, and threw up in her own lap like a sick dog.

deleted Report

#19

She was putting mustard on her fries by applying it to her hand first and then rubbing it all over the fries. Then she licked the mustard off her hand. You would never ever think she would do this by looking at her or speaking to her.

callmesnake13 Report

Lara B.
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mustard on fries?! That's a reason to break up all by itself 😳

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#20

She would constantly talk specifically during the dialogue of movies. In scenes where nobody was talking...silence. Then as soon as somebody started talking:
"DID YOU READ THAT ARTICLE ON SHEA BUTTER IN THE PAPER?"

adamiojsg Report

E Menendez
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know someone like that. Only she will ask questions about what is going on at the same time the dialogue is explaining exactly what is going on. Or ask a question about something that hasn't been explained yet and I am like idfk, I am watching the same movie you are. Why would I know that? While there is a significant scene occurring.

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#21

He put A1 all over filet mignon I made him for Valentine's Day. This was not some shit big box filet -- hand cut and selected specially for the occasion by butchers I know.
And he wanted it well done.
Woman's gotta have a code, man.... Some shit ain't right.

SwiggyBloodlust Report

#22

He was really nice, but when we got to speaking on Facebook and text he could barely spell anything, and didn't find grammar necessary. I felt bad until he called me a bitch.

lolsasha Report

#23

I broke up with this guy after going out twice because he ended up having NO sense of humor & I love to laugh. After I broke up with him I started getting multiple phone calls on a daily basis from car dealerships - they would always start the conversation off with "Im sorry but I know Im going to pronounce your name wrong"...followed by names such as: Ms. Cuntarella, Ms. Bitschface & Ms. Fatasse. IM NOT KIDDING YALL. Sad thing is, I laughed SO HARD because damn, thats original!

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#24

He ate my lunch while I left to get napkins for him. The only meals I ever really got my junior year was the free lunch provided from the school district for low income families. He didn't know that and assumed it was OK because I usually don't get mad over those kind of things but I was on my period and just got done with stupid standardized testing. So I walked away and never looked back.

elllkayyyemmm__ Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tested your limit once too often, right?

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#25

She said nickelback was modern day Shakespeare.

nathanb065 Report

#26

Every time I yawned she thought it hilarious if she stuck her finger in my open mouth. I could never relax…always had to be prepared for oral violation

AbeLincolnsBallsack Report

Janice Foster
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easily fixed by having the basic manners to cover your mouth with your hand when you yawn!

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#27

I was a 15 year old freshmen and she was 17 year old senior. When we started dating, she said she wanted to wait two months before having sex. I was a virgin and wasn't even really worried about it so I agreed. Then a month later things got hot and heavy and she insisted that we do it; I asked "are you sure? You said you wanted to wait" but she insisted on banging it out anyways. Afterwards, she said that it was a test to see if I would actually wait like I said I would. Then she dumped me.

Goldsteina Report

#28

I suspected her of stealing my Pokémon card. Nothing special, just a Pikachu, but damn, when my suspicions settled in, I smashed all ties with her. I miss being 11.

Zer0_Sanity Report

OTTERZ4LIFE
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I started reading and I thought WHAT IN THE WORLD? WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT. 11 yrs old. I literally face palm.

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#29

She put the spoon into the sugar jar after stirring her coffee. Would leave clumps of coffee sugar.

viperh Report

#30

I had left him in the restaurant because he said that cats are stupid. I asked once again: "So, you're saying that MY cat is stupid???" He said: "Yes ..." I stood up and went away. That was our first (and last!) date.

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#31

He used water in his cereal instead of milk.

godshirma Report

#32

Was staying at a beachhouse with girlfriend and her family. Outdoor shower. I'm in there fapping up a storm because, I don't know, it felt appropriate at the time. You ever get that feeling that someone is watching you? Turns out you can look down into the shower from the top deck railing and her mom and aunt are laughing it up like little girls watching me operate the dutch rudder. I didn't say a single word to girlfriend, got in my car, drove 3 hours home. Just never called her.

GTEAEYE Report

Hans
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, this one is embrassasing only to read...

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#33

I met this gorgeous Kenyan girl. Beautiful to put it simply. I took her to a baseball game and things were going well. But she kept referring to the crowd as "the humans" or "you humans". For instance, 3rd inning comes around and so does the wave. Once it passes us, she sits down, laughs and says "You humans have weird customs." This freaked me out. All I could think was if we are the humans... wtf are you?!

mekio_san Report

Daria B
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, come on, a little understanding for a lost and lonely alien trying to blend in within Earthlings' culture. ^_- ♥

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#34

I briefly dated a lady who was very attractive but, I soon learned, probably fell comfortably into the 5th percentile of IQ. I'm from Africa and told her about traditional weddings in my country, where a cow would often be slaughtered in front of the guests, for their consumption. She screwed up her face and said something like "Oh my god, who eats cows?". I looked at her for a moment, and asked "Do you eat beef?". "Yes," came the reply. I got up and left shortly afterwards.

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Faith Smith
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But beef doesnt come from cows it comes from the supermarket

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#35

She always said "I don't mind" as the answer to every question put to her. What film do you want to see? What do you want from the chippy? What club do you want to go to tonight? Always "I don't mind" so I would make a choice only to be met with
"ugh, I don't like that. I would rather [insert choice]"
Drove me up the walls.

Bamboo_Steamer Report

#36

He didn't eat anything but potatoes, peanut butter, and ramen. He wasn't a broke college student, just a f*cking picky eater. Nope. Adios.

jessicaaannneee Report

#37

She'd wait until she had the bartender's attention and then start to decide what she wanted to drink.

witehare Report

#38

I had an ex leave me after five years so she could "go be young". About three years later she has two kids and she's divorced.

iowabeans Report

John L
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Let's hope she finally got it all our of her system, lol. :D

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#39

I absolutely hate anime. Not shitting on it, that's just my brutally honest opinion. I don't know why, but I just can't stand it. Anyways, I didn't have a problem with her loving anime, but I did have a problem with her forcing me to watch it all the time, saying "I'd grow to like it", but if anything my disliking towards it only grew stronger. We couldn't find something we both wanted to watch, no no, we had to watch anime.

ravel77 Report

Amanda Butler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I dated a guy like this once. He insisted on wearing "anime shirts" as well. He was 32. Maybe we should hook them up?

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#40

We got in a fight because he didn't want me drinking green tea. (He was Mormon) I was fine with the Mormonism but he claimed green tea was bad for my health.

glitterexplodingbomb Report

Master Markus
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You shouldn't be fine with Mormonism if you can help it. It was created by a convicted fraud and the church makes it very difficult for people to leave or have any sort of privacy away from it. All religion is pretty unbelievable, but Mormonism is expressly of the money-grabbing cult sort.

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#41

On our first date, I brought her home. I went to let my dog out for a grand total of five minutes, and she shaved her genitals using my razor. I came back in, went in the bathroom, and it was like a shaving cream bomb went off. Then I noticed my razor, wet with hairs on it. I have a full beard, and hadn't used it in over a week. She then played it off like nothing happened, and there was nothing she felt like telling me.

bizroy Report

Annemarie Elshout
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

and you missed the hint for sex...buy e new blade the next day

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#42

She broke up with me because I was & I'm paraphrasing "an unhinged atheist "
Ps I'm just a research scientist.

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#43

I have two. One guy ate like a t-rex. He would keep his elbows by his side while he ate and leaned over to get his food off his fork. Another guy had no shape to the back of his head. His neck just went straight up. Both named Chris.

rubyreddorothy Report

#44

She had the same name as my sister. I liked her and tried, but I just couldn't do it.

deleted Report

John L
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do you have a serious infatuation with your sister? If not, perhaps therapy could help.

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#45

She would always say how much she loved to travel, but has never been outside of California. Retweeting, reblogging, Instagram, everything about her "travels to the grocery store" or "my travels to Yosemite". I ended it cause I said I needed space, last thing she said to me was "good luck on your travels".

moderatelysizedmikel Report

Brivid
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people can not afford to go to other countries or even to go to the other side of the US. However California is quite a large state that spans the Pacific seaboard, a gal could do a lot of affordable travel right in her own state.

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#46

Shallowest reason here but with zero exaggeration - her natural laugh was a bellowing siren that sounded extremely forced and fake. During a normal conversation, this reverse duck call would sporatically ring through the public area causing literal standstills, quickly followed by several groups paying full attention to our table just waiting for the next siren to go off. And it would - with the exact same pitch, volume and length.

00RushmoreYankee00 Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Should have kept her.....she could have come in handy during an emergency.

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#47

I once had a girlfriend's dad tell his own daughter that she wasn't good enough for me. No shit. The Japanese are brutal.

deleted Report

Michel M. Prins
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's horrible. I wouldn't be surprised if the father is part of the source for her "not being good enough".

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#48

She would always make points by asking opposing questions.
For example, "Do I like crunchy peanut butter? No. Do I like creamy peanut butter? Yes."
It happened three or four times a day. And never in a scenario that made sense to be formatted that way. I didn't even break up with her. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to her out of fear of having an aneurysm.

doodleysquat Report

Victor Vakaras
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do it like this: Are we together? Yes. Will we be together tomorrow? No.

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#49

She had lower self esteem than me. No one has lower self esteem than me. NO ONE, JERRY

CuNxTu Report

Sue Z Q
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Couldn't reach the top of a curb with a 10-foot pole?

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#50

He obsessed with Japan and anyone on Earth dares to say anything, even if its true about that country he would gone mad. We once walked in Tokyo (as he insist to visit that country) and we saw loads of prostitutes around. He said those must be women from poorer country, like Vietnam, as Japanese are "too cool for that". and I'm a Vietnamese...so...F'off!

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Diana CrunChewy Watson
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is a sign of a bigger problem: he forms an opinion and defends it regardless of fact.

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#51

I broke up with a guy because he was forcing me to be a fat, furry characters in our roleplays, even when i told him so many times that I hate these things. That was not the only thing, he even forgot my birthday, flirted with my, under age female friend, and even with my ex. The last drop was when he started me sending fake pictures of his genitals, which were much bigger than his real ones, he then blamed me that I made it all up.

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Angel
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like you dodged a bullet with that guy - he sounds a little (or a lot) crazy lol

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#52

1 gf broke up with me because her best friend just broke up with her bf a couple days before. Didn't know our relationships were tied together like that

chadder_b Report

Khanh Phan
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Dafuq? Seems like she didn't date you base on her emotion but merely to match up with her friend. That's cruel to play with other people feeling like this..

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#53

i once dated a guy who would occasionally talk on the phone to someone in Spanish who he claimed to be his mother. it turned out to be his girlfriend.

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#54

He had been cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend for two weeks because he'd been feeling neglected. I had been enrolled in a therapy group by my doctor for clinical depression and social anxiety. A week later, he tells me he broke up with her and wants me back. I said no. He sent a last resort dick pic. I still said no. The next day, his girlfriend finds me on Facebook and messages me to stop bothering her man. His stupidity was mind boggling. I'm happily single.

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Mario Cg
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't get dick pics as getting anything positive out of them

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#55

He spoiled Doctor Who for me. Serious spoilers.

CopperTodd17 Report

#56

I dated a guy I had known since we were kids, but had been years since we had seen each other. The first weekend I spent with him, we went to the bar with his friends. After, we all went to his house to watch some stand-up comedy. At one point he got up, went into the kitchen, pissed in fridge, then proceeded to walk back into the living room where he face-planted/passed out into a deep drunken slumber.
The red flag was his friends told me "Don't worry. He does this all the time"

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#57

I got along with her father, she liked me because I was a rebel. I still miss her dad.

PM_ME_CHINCHILLA_PIC Report

#58

We were at a dinner party with his friends (another couple) the friends start talking about how it's really difficult to get a decent job with all the migrants. I laugh expecting the joke to be over, it wasn't, he agrees. I'm Mexican I left never saw him again.

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Benicio del Pilitch
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i've been in similar situations, it's just terrible.

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#59

She would only eat at restaurants that served Mountain Dew. If they did not, she could/would not eat there.
I kicked that one to the curb quickly and with no hesitation because that's f*cking insane.

douchetorials Report

#60

She called herself "pretty much a psychologist" after taking Psych 1000.

omeezysheezy Report

Colin Bayler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amazing how many people associated with that field need it more than the patients.

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#61

I was dating a guy briefly early this Spring. He was a bigger guy, about 6'4" and 250 lbs. Two weeks into dating, when I'd try to have a conversation with him, he started to use this tiny, nasally, lispy baby voice to talk to me with! He said stuff like "oh mah gerd", "awww, poor baybay" or "cool story bro"...even had a movie quote for every scenario. All in the lispy baby voice! It was the biggest turn off ever, so I ghosted. No wonder he is single.

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#62

A guy left me because I was doing my Master in Cultural Studies. He said that it's not serious course enough and I haven't planned my futhure well. Two weeks later, he was dating a a two-classes-lower student of the same studies.

I can not blame him, she had like amazing boobs.

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Paul K. Johnson
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I wonder if her upper butt crack passed the smell test though.

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#63

I left 2 bottles of expensive French wine at his place when I left, told him to keep him for next time we would see each other.
He drank them with his buddies at a camping trip, told me about it afterwards, still asked me if I could bring more "of that french wine he got drunk on"
Animal.

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#64

She would sing along with songs that were playing on the radio, but with a delay of .5 seconds, like she knew the tune, but didn't know the words until she HEARD them. It got SO annoying, SO quickly. Nope.

geekstorm Report

Long Joan Silver
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As a musician myself, that really annoys me. Also, when people sing the lyrics before the artist does on the track, constantly, it just really spoils the song.

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#65

I'm really into craft beers and I get super excited when I go to a place with a really big tap and/or bottle selection. I was on a second date with a guy and we were at a local bar with one of the best bottle selections in town. As I'm standing there analyzing the different bottles, trying to narrow down what I'd like to try, he orders us two Busch Lites.
I stopped returning his calls after that.

mizzbates Report

#66

She didn't know butter was made from milk.

therapcat Report

Gerry Higgins
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's not. Butter is made from cream. You should get back with her.

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#67

I took a bus, ferry, and subway to commute to her place.
She wouldn't reciprocate. The commuting distribution was wildly uneven! Trains! Boats! Busses!

AlfSilfversson Report

#68

"I seen that the other day" NOPE. BYE.

thethirdriver Report

#69

He mispronounced words. Drove me crazy. Subtle was one of the words. He said SUB til. I just couldn't...

Soregular Report

Lorraine Groves
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ugh! My husband of 19 years does this and it drives me nuts. But he does it intentionally which is worse. And sometimes when ordering food he will use a fake accent.

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#70

I once dumped a guy because we were doing the same things every day, like it was an army routine. I saw my life flash before my eyes with all my future days being the same. So, to break the cycle, he had to go.

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Michel M. Prins
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think this is a very reasonable situation to end it. If you feel being trapped in a cycle and you dislike it, then you have to take unpleasant steps, now and then.

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#71

She left me because I brought flowers and a love letter to her house because we had a pointless fight over text the day prior. Obviously meant as a surprise. When I asked if she's serious she reminded me that she told me 3 months before that she hates surprises and that this was the second strike. 2 years later I realised I dodged a tank shell.

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Dane Pearson
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't even know her and I don't like her...

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#72

I know someone who broke up with their SO because whenever they took a bite from a fork they would bite down on it while they slid it out of their front teeth. Makes me cringe thinking about it.

temtam Report

#73

Found out she was banging a friend and smoking crack around our baby daughter.

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#74

She had the smelliest upper buttcrack. Its almost as if she would wash her buttcrack with a dirtier buttcrack

TexasFight Report

#75

She said she was a big Pink Floyd fan. Later, didn't recognize Pink Floyd on the radio.

notoriousslacker Report

John L
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OMG, you are so musically ignorant that you didn't recognize Pink Floyd?! At the very least you should know all about all of the band members, their strengths and weaknesses. You should be totally ashamed of yourself.

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#76

Barbeque sauce. She was from St. Louis and decided that St. Louis style was the ONLY bbq sauce that she would use. I season and smoke a beautiful brisket, and she slathers it with sweet bbq sauce WITHOUT EVEN TRYING IT AS IT WAS INTENDED.
I'm getting angry now.

cosmoski Report

#77

I made a comment about hating the fact that there are security cameras everywhere.
She fired back with the bullshit "nothing to hide, nothing to fear" argument. I knew we weren't meant to be.

rangemaster Report

Angel
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you, just because you have nothing to hide, doesn't mean you want it broadcast live

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#78

Oh, I have so many stories about him but i'm gonna tell the one that was the last drop for me. We were in his room. I was sitting on his bed and at one point i was looking under his bed and i saw bottles filled with something. i asked him what it was but he refused to tell me. I was afraid to ask, but i did it: "is it pee?". It was. Seven big bottles of pee because he was too lazy to walk in to the hall to the bathroom. I can somehow understand laziness, but why keep 7 bottles of pee?!

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#79

During sex, her giant dog jumped up on the bed and licked my balls from behind. Freaked me out, and I completely ghosted her after that. We were doing doggy style.

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#80

On a first date we had a coffee then went for a walk at his suggestion to somewhere he liked. We walked for 20 minutes and then he stopped and said thoughtfully, 'I thought we'd sit here.' I turn around expecting a bench, but its just the pavement, and its facing a car park. No second date.

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#81

She left me because she thought I was going to leave her for another guy. I'm bisexual, and was head over heels in love with her.

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#82

She would constantly say the names of the stores we passed by while driving.
Jiffy Lube. Huh, a Spencers. Gym-boooo-ree (that's how she would say it)

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Tina Gesoura
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter used to do this... when she was 2 years old.

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#83

I was the one got dumped but I was talking on the phone to my then girlfriend and my brother says "what if you take her home, and find out her dick is bigger than yours?" I laughed. She asked me what was so funny and I (like an idiot) told her. She broke up with me as soon as I was done telling her. Thinking back on it, I wonder if my brother was right?

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Janice Foster
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I doubt your brother was right - she probably just realised what how immature and nasty you were. Bullet dodged... by her!

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#84

We ate mushrooms one night in college and we were coming down laying in bed and I realized she had a weird smell about her. I forgot about it, fell asleep, and after a couple more times seeing each other I ended it because the smell was permanent. Her natural aroma. I just couldn't shake it. It was like a combination of poppers and sweaty feet. We weren't a great match anyways but the smell made the choice easy.

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Ly Nguyen
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Fun fact, smell is one of the many ways that humans will subconsciously identify if they are biologically compatible with each other, i.e. are their genetics such that they will make strong offspring. If you don't like the natural smell of your date, it might be your lizard brain telling you their not a good match (either that or they just have bad hygiene lol) (source:http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/evolution/library/01/6/l_016_08.html)

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#85

She said one of my dogs was, "kinda ugly."

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Rafaella Bueno
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'd love someone honest enough to say that. It means whenever she complements you on anything, it's honest, and that if you do something she doesn't like, she'll actually tell you instead of pretending it's all fine.

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#86

Met the guy on the Saturday, by the next Saturday I had around 700-800 texts off him, he'd send 10 in the time I'd take to reply once. He blew my phone up constantly to the point where I could hardly carry a conversation with someone else, if I was busy for even an hour I'd find myself having to read 50 texts afterwards!

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#87

I once broke up with a girl because she was just so fake. She wouldn't just be REAL. The deal breaker was when she tried to steal my unicorn. I told her she was the worst girlfriend i could ever imagine. My current imaginary girlfriend is much nicer.

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#88

We were dating for a week when he took me on a trip to meet his family. Not that big of an issue, I guess. Then at the two week mark, he told me he loved me. Right after he said that, he decided to tell me every minute detail about the texture of his ex's vagina. At the three week mark, he showed up at my house at 4 am and moved all of his stuff in. He stole my house key to do it saying it was a surprise. Oh, and he constantly stole cigarettes from me even though he had asthma.

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Kieron Behan
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait, you stuck around for a week after he gave you a full, detailed description of his ex's vagina?

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#89

When she wore heels, she walked like Jar-Jar-Binks. You know what I'm talking about.

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Luis Sanchez
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

oh no thnk goodness u ended it messa nossa likeyyyy

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#90

He believes that the earth is flat.

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#91

He let his dog defacate inside the house on the carpet. It was still there 4 days later.

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#92

She always ordered food, ate half of it, then ate half of mine. Then she would offer to share what she ordered, but I didn't like the stuff she ordered.

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Colin Bayler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

She should have set the food rules before she dug in.

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#93

I went out with a girl a few times who was completely normal whenever she was around me, but whenever I saw her with her friends she morphed into one of those weird, screaming, over-excited girls who seem like a flock of chickens. Big turn-off.

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#94

Double negatives.
Constantly.
I tried to help by explaining that it's unnecessary.
She responded, "I don't never do that!"
I closed my eyes as I was leaving.

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#95

I asked him to bring a bottle of red wine to go with dinner and he brought Raspberry Arbor Mist.

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Danny Root
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Arbor Mist is great if you're eating cheap and just want to get drunk.

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#96

She ate her peas one at time. One at a time!

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Angel
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have done this - not all the time - but sometimes it's just fun lol

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#97

She asked for ketchup for her steak at an an expensive steakhouse.

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#98

Her voice was annoying and when speaking she placed emphasis on the weirdest parts of the sentence.

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Angel
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This seems kind of shallow... but I get it lol

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#99

This girl was taking too many selfies with me, showing me off to so many people, sexy girl but I felt like a cat.

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Colin Bayler
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And obviously you didn't know how to say enough already.

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#100

After 45 minutes of having sex in the same position, asked if he wanted to change positions. His response? No. We have to stick to the agenda.

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Alice Putt
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Had a friend who's new husband whipped out a sex manual on their honeymoon and started on page one.

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#101

He voted for Trump. Ew

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#102

Years ago I dated a guy who was obsessed with cherry Chapstick. He'd slather it on obsessively including before we'd have sex. Recently a friend was matched with him on OKCupid and asked me if I knew him. I was telling her about the Chapstick thing, and as she scrolls through his profile, we see a list of top 5 things he can't do without. Number 1? CHERRY CHAPSTICK. :(

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#103

My brother (who is a bit of a shithead anyways) broke up with a girl because she had dentures and didn't tell him. (She had been in an accident and had all her teeth knocked out.) He tried to paint it as her being dishonest, but I called bullshit. She let him put it in, and he was ready to move on to the next one.

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Michel M. Prins
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel bad for the girl. Not all accidents can be prevented. I hope she found herself a REAL man, instead of children like that brother.

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#104

The guy I was with kept sighing when he didn't know what to say. Also he blinked slowly. It drove me mad

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#105

He would whine like a puppy when we made out ... thats a no for me

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#106

I was dumped because I used my windshield wipers too often.

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#107

He would put his mouth over my nose and blow down it. Most horrific thing ever.

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Jess Gore
Community Member
5 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

WTH??? I would've had to stab him...UGH!!

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#108

I started dating a guy in high school. After about a year of dating, one day out of the blue he mentioned that I was "getting fat". I changed my lifestyle habits and started exercising. Soon after, I had lost 40 pounds and started getting compliments from friends and family members on my progress, some of which were male. My boyfriend didn't like the attention I was getting from "other guys", and told me that I needed to "put some more weight back on" because he was jealous. Bye.

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#109

She pronounced it "cold slaw"

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