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Updating a resume is one of those tedious parts of finding a new job. Unless you have done it a lot, it can be hard to even quantify your literal life experience into a few bullet points. So it never hurts to seek out some help. Or, if you want to feel better about yourself, take a peek at what not to do.
Someone asked, “Employers, what can someone put on a resume that sends it straight to the shredder?” and netizens shared all the questionable choices they have encountered. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorite examples, and be sure to comment your own thoughts below.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The only resume I have thrown right in the proverbial shredder was that of the wife of a friend of mine. I was attempting to get her a job at my employer. She had no degree or relevant experience, but we needed a receptionist, and people commonly move up from those jobs into other admin positions. Plus, it's government work, so good benefits, lots of paid holidays, etc. Bottom line, I was doing this underqualified, unemployed person a massive favor by giving her a reference and a chance. We didn't have any other applicants. The job was hers to lose. She didn't know that, so she brought her A game. Here are some excerpts from her cover letter:
"I may not have a degree, but I have what engineers don't have, 10 years of experience."
"Engineers aren't very organized people and I can keep them in line."
"I have better social skills than engineers do."
I am not paraphrasing. Those are things she wrote when she sent me her resume and cover letter to look over before she submitted them online to apply. I was just like, "You know I'm an engineer, right?" She did. I continued, "You know the job you'd be applying for is a receptionist position, not an engineer position, right?" She seemed pretty sure she could move up and be an engineer in a year or so. That is not at all a thing in my field (it's one of those fields where everyone is required to be licensed and you have to have a degree in this just to be allowed to take the exam to get the license), but she was absolutely sure it was.
I told her that if she was going to submit this, she wouldn't be hired because the entire panel was engineers. She didn't listen, and submitted it. She even listed me as a reference. I told my boss she was someone I was trying to help and she wouldn't help herself, which was accurate, but "I've got what engineers don't have, 10 years of experience!" became the office joke for years to come. Every time someone reached the 10 year mark of their career, we'd be like, "You can't be an engineer anymore. The crazy lady said 10 years is the limit." lol
DeoManus Argentem 2 years ago
This sounds like the guy from "Office Space" when he's asked what he does there when the consultants are called in to streamline the operation, "I talk to the clients so they don't have to deal with the engineers, who have no people skills!" (Bad unfunny paraphrase but the same vibe)
Sara Wilson 2 years ago
I once had a neighbor that I lived next to for over 10 years. Unemployed the entire time because he wanted a job as an engineer, despite the fact he had NO schooling in this field. But he felt he was deserving and preferred to live off his wife's part-time job. They r LDS, so she still had to take care of the house and kids, even when she got breast cancer. Luckily for her, the church helped them out financially. Not sure if they still r
Ron Baza 2 years ago
She insulted her husband’s friend, to his face, so that she wouldn’t have to get a job? Aye, the joke’s on him alright…
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#2
Food service experience applying for entry level call centre job put as her daily duties “wept and moped at the end of every shift”. I’m not gonna lie, I hired her and she was fine. I worked food service and was like where’s the lie?
Just-4-2day 2 years ago
Loving “wept and moped at the end of every shift”. A job you want to cry and sulk at the end of the day, is a good job to leave.
MotherRobinson 2 years ago
She definitely wasn't lying. Got the same experience with food service.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Haven't we all had jobs where we at least wept after the day was done at the office? I know I have.
#3
I received a resume last week that had notes on it “insert relevant skills here” and “maybe change font” “fill this space with buzz words” this was on his LinkedIn profile as well. If you can’t pay attention to the resume you send out I can’t trust you’ll pay attention to anything else.
Mint Sauce 2 years ago
This is so common everywhere now. I don't think people proof read anything these days.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Spelling and grammar errors in a resume ends up in my trash can. Those types of resumes spell out L-A-Z-Y very clearly.
C.O. Shea 2 years ago
The quickest way to weed out idiots... if they use apostrophe-S to indicate plural. Nope! You don't belong in my sphere.
BJ Hage 2 years ago
Maybe English as a second language? Some languages use 's for plurals (eén menu; twee menu's in Dutch)
Load More Replies...The word résumé itself comes from French (hence the strange pronunciation) and means “to summarize.” Which is a pretty good way to describe turning your entire life into a one-page description. There is some, possibly apocryphal, evidence that it was none other than Leonardo Da Vinci who wrote the first one in order to secure employment. It's somewhat sad that a literal genius still had to go through the same process as the rest of us.
These days, the vast majority of résumés are still a page or two of words, but the age of the internet is slowly switching things up. Now one can find video résumés that folks upload to YouTube, for example, or even send out as TikTok. While it perhaps stands out a bit, scrolling through a video to find one particular aspect of a candidate seems more annoying than useful.
#4
I once got a resume with the worst formatting and grammar. It was clear the person was a non-native English speaker. I don't usually do this, but I recreated her resume, re-organized it and corrected grammar/spelling mistakes and sent it back to her. I hope she got a job. She wasn't a good fit based on her resume, otherwise I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and at least interviewed her.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Hahahaha! I kicked my ex out before we even had our first anniversary. He sent me this long rambling letter begging me to take him back. He was a complete f*cking moron (no idea WHAT I WAS THINKING). So, I edited his letter in red pen, he couldn't spell for sh*t, and mailed it back to him. So he leaves me a really nasty message on my voicemail. THEN calls back and leaves a second message telling me how much he loved me, blah, blah, blah. Long story short - he went to jail for leaving a message ON MY VOICEMAIL threatening to kill me and my 2 kids. The caller ID showed the call came FROM HIS PARENTS HOUSE. This was AFTER he had stalked and harassed me - for a longer period of time than our actual marriage. Yeah, he went to jail and I moved out of town.
catpanda 1 year ago
I once got a resume from a graduate of my high school. Many mistakes, I corrected it and send it back with advice on her cover letter well. Never heard back. Got a lot of funny ones - because it was a non-profit people felt they could be casual. Got one that started his cover letter with "Hey!"
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Just got a resume a couple months ago that you could tell from the formatting and spelling/grammar issues that it was coming from a person with english being their 2nd or 3rd language. I ignored all of those errors because he had a great listing of skills, certifications and experience. Just too bad he was not a citizen and not currently living in the US, because I would have hired him on the spot after checking on him online. Stellar employee but I couldn't hire him. I hope he found a job outside of his native country.
Tiffany Wilson 2 years ago
It was the best she could do and that was acknowledged. Good on the interviewer.
#5
Military spouse (with rank no less)
Marcellus II 2 years ago
I thought too, first, but that’s not about rank, strictly about claiming honours you don’t have? As far as I know.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Yeah, I had the pleasure of explaining to the entitled b*tch at my bar that she wasn't in the military, so she didn't get a military discount. "But my HUSBAND is a Lt. in the Navy (San Diego). And I was like, "Okay when your HUSBAND comes in, I will make sure he gets the "active service personnel" discount. Because HE is actually an ACTIVE SERVICE MEMBER and YOU are not". She was pissed. My Manager basically told her to pay her tab and get the f*ck out.
Linda Lee 2 years ago
I remember you posting this on reddit. That was a good story! Awesome job, Queen.
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C.O. Shea 2 years ago (edited)
That's a real, and extremely büllshit thing. And, as a female officer... I got ordered to attend the wives club. Pffftttt.
Valek Fermiga 2 years ago
This sh** really pi**es me off - did you put your life on the line?? Do you suffer from PTSD?? Did you do the years of training required?? No?? Then STFU you have NO right to be addressed by your spouse's rank, or to use it. Have and show some proper respect....
Mike F 2 years ago
Will wear out their welcome in much less time than that.
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#6
Well, guy made it through the resume but almost didn't make it through the onboarding paperwork.
Entry level position, guy was 19 I think. Nice enough kid, low life experience but that's how it all starts right?
Emergency Contact info
Name - Mom
Relationship - Good
...so like if we called your mom, and you were hurt, she'd care?
2x4b523p 2 years ago (edited)
My 40 years old colleague was confused by “given name” and “family name” when filling out visa application form for a business trip. Had to explain to him it means his name and surname. Then had to tell him which is which… John goes on this line and Smith goes on this line... He still wasn’t sure and went to check with our boss… To be fair I’ve done plenty silly mistakes filling out forms, especially when the lines don’t follow in expected order. Start filling address: street, next line city, next line postcode… and oops they asked for country before the postcode, start again.
Hey! 2 years ago (edited)
I'm always mixing those up too so I either check the French version or just ask my husband. Edit: Oops, read that wrong. I mix up the other ones (name, surname).
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Barbara Skolly 2 years ago
Who else is a 19 year old supposed to put? I'm 42 and my parents are still my emergency contact, I started working with my employer when i was 24 and single. They know my medical history and would have the contact info if i was in a serious relationship
Barbara Skolly 2 years ago
Opps, reread it, the relationship "good" lol. Other than that, perfectly normal lol
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Jeremy Bolanos 2 years ago
I'm 54 and my mom is still on my emergency contact. Of course, now she's 3rd in line instead of first. By that point, desperate times and all.
#7
Nudes. Like, any picture of yourself is probably going to get the resume thrown out because of potential lawsuits, but hearing that shriek of "DEAR GOD WHY" from the hotel manager's desk while they were going through resumes was hilarious.
Like, bro, your butt was not that nice. Why did you attach it.
Ima Manimal 2 years ago
A woman flashed her boobs to me while interviewing her for a position. I deadpanned her and said “I’m gay”. She did not get the job.
Jeremy Bolanos 2 years ago
I had a guy hit on me during the interview. Like, bro, if I'm the best you can do there are life choices in your past that probably make you not a fit for the job.
Arian Arian 2 years ago
I was working for an American law company when a girl came pretending she had an interview appointment with the HR (I am female and was 36 then). She did not have an appointment. I could say by our Receptionist voice that something was not right. So I agreed to meet with her. She had a 100% transparent shirt one - I mean you could read small text through without any problem) - and no underwear. LOL
#8
The amount of halfwits that put Brexit voter on their CVs is just weird. Straight in the bin.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
We often get random resumes mailed/emailed to us from people who are considering moving to the island. Many have no concept in what the move would require, but think if they secure a job the rest will fall into place. Which really doesn’t work in such a small community with limited resources. Of those applications, we’ve seen a trend of people putting “Trump 2020,” “Trump 2024” & even a couple of “Let’s Go B…” People will also list things like who they voted for, political activities they’ve participated in or other polarizing ideologies. Always an alt-right slant, never from someone actually living here.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Usually that political opinion comes out in the interview if they even make it that far. To me you need to keep politics to yourself and when you are not on the clock. You have the right to have an opinion, just like I do, but it doesn't belong in the workplace and/or in meetings.
SM 2 years ago
Your political views don't belong and a CV/resume. End of story. Nothing else matters, and the fact that you do think it matters is exactly what is the problem.
Load More Replies... #9
I didn't make it past the name line on someone's resume one time.
We were hiring a CFO and Googling their name revealed an SEC complaint for a 9 figure fraud. At the time, there wasn't a verdict on the books, but I wasn't gonna wait for one. See you never.
John Dilligaf 2 years ago
hopefully the OP made sure it wasn't just someone with the same (or very similar ) name as the applicant before file 13ing t resume.
Nika Strokappe 2 years ago
You already start googling someone before even checking their resume on whether they might be a fit? Seems rather inefficient to me...
White Sauce Hot Sauce 2 years ago
It would be if it was for an entry level, part time position. However, they were hiring a CFO and doing their due diligence.
Load More Replies... #10
"Time Person of the Year 2006"
Joshua Seaman 2 years ago
(for anyone else wondering, the cover was a mirror. It was "you".)
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JayWantsACat 2 years ago
For those not getting the joke, Time Magazine named "You" as "Time Person of the Year" in 2006. lmao
Miki 2 years ago (edited)
Hey! This one is nice :D whoever throw it away was an a******s and nobody would like to work with that person.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Resume fluff. That is up there with "I am a quick learner." - please everyone stop putting that in your resume and in an interview. It tells the interviewer that you are hiding the fact you have zero skills for the job opening. (FYI- been hiring and firing for 16+ years for a large international company)
#11
I once received a resume in the mail that had no telephone number, address or email. He called a few days later to ask why he hadn't received any reply. I asked him to get a copy of his resume so we could review it together. I asked him to tell me the address we might have replied to; then the telephone number and finally the email.
After a long pause, he said, "Aww, f**k!" and hung up.
James016 2 years ago
In my first job as an IT consultant to small businesses, we were closed through the Christmas and New year holidays. So when I turned my work phone back on in Jan, I had an voicemail stating word for word: "If you are the person who looks after my server, call me" No name, no phone number to contact them back on. This was long before smartphones so my phone did not record a missed call as it was off. So this type of c**k up goes all the way through life
Amused panda 2 years ago
I had someone who repeatedly called and left voicemails one weekend to report her boiler wasn't working, she didn't have hot water, she wasn't happy about not having had a visit or call back yet. We didn't work weekends, didn't deal with home maintenance, and she was calling from a withheld number providing only a fairly common surname to identify her during one call, then failing to even provide her name in all the others. They got increasingly irate. It was only when she phoned back a month or so later (again, out of hours) to report the same issue that she actually provided her address. Oh, and my voicemail greeting made very clear what department I worked in; if only she'd paid attention she would've realised she wasn't just calling the wrong team but the wrong organisation.
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Arthur Waite 2 years ago
This leads into a suggestion, might be covered elsewhere, but - Always get your resume edited by someone who is competent/willing to do it. I was looking for a job as a computer systems analyst, and sent out about fifty copies with 'analist' on 'em. Never heard back from any one of those applications.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
There's nothing wrong on a job application with describing yourself as detail-focused.
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Jenny Shmurak 2 years ago
I had the same candidate a few months ago. The only contact information was a link to linkedin profile. Send the recruiter to get me a phone number. I don't think she was successful.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
Had something similar recently. He showed up for one day and then disappeared. He got told by a staff member onsite that the person he was replacing was fired for smoking pot. We fired him after giving him a few opportunities to show up for work. He only would communicate with me via text message.
Cam Schmit 2 years ago
Seems like you coulda just...told him. Not like played this stupid game of "find the contact info" to make him feel stupid. Just be glad he HAD a resume lol some of the stuff i see smh. People interviewing in sweatpants...
#12
This guy put a tinder bio at the head of his resume. All his likes and dislikes, with a headshot of him holding an axe while looking sweaty.
I do IT work...
Lyrica Melody 2 years ago
To be fair, an ax would be the perfect tool for some printers I've worked with.
LizzieBoredom 2 years ago
I've always found an ax useful for solving conflicts.
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#13
I used to work for a bar, a girl came in with an application saying she was 22 but then listeded she'd graduated high school that year. I fired off a few questions then slipped in what's your birthday. She was barely 17.
Squiffle Noses 2 years ago
I used to know a guy whose sister worked in a nightclub... until the day her boss saw her in her school uniform, standing in line for a school bus with the other schoolkids.
wayne whitson 2 years ago (edited)
Dodged a legal bullet. And saved your business's liquor license.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
You can if relevant — like here legal minimum age.
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Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
Suppose the seventeen year old knew the past tense of "list"?
#14
"Life Coach" and all their education is from sketchy seminars at the Radisson by the airport.
That's and hashtag bossbabe, CEO of their make up MLM.
Nannychachi 2 years ago
No, Beckie, you're not a "boss babe." You're a twit. I hate that term.
Steve Hall 2 years ago
Any person or company that would pay someone for that skill deserves what they get.
Dak Janiels 2 years ago
Had a former gf of a friend apply for an admin assistant position for a multi-million dollar company. I was a manager and she sent me her resume asking me to give it to my boss and advocate for her *also being very flirty with me in the process*. She listed the past two years of experience as office/admin manager - for her 3 MLMs. She provided social media links for them, none of which had been updated for over a year. I was not an advocate for her...
#15
Okay, I was a writing tutor at the college level for 10 years. We also helped graduates of the university. I swear I am not making this up.
A graduate who had worked teaching English in Japan, and at other positions, for a few years after getting his degree, came in for help updating his resume. He reported that he'd been looking for work for a while, with no luck.
The profile section at the head of his resume listed accomplishments, including, "I have climbed Mount Fuji fueled only by Quaaludes and caffeine."
He was crestfallen when I told him that although I was duly impressed by this feat, he really, really needed to remove it.
Edit: because of course.
Der Kommissar 2 years ago (edited)
Quaaludes havent been manufactured for decades. Also, Japan has very strict drug laws, so I call shenanigans. If you are a foreigner travelling to Japan, your luggage will be scrutinized.
John Dilligaf 2 years ago
Quaaludes were a sedative - not exactly something to take when hiking up a mountain. Also I've been up Fuji myself - a great climb, a wonderful experience, and awesome views from the top. But not really something to put on a CV.
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Remi (He/Him) 2 years ago
Btw. Think twice before climbing mount Fuji, not because the climb is hard, but because last climbing season the place was absolutely packed with tourists climbing up to see the sunrise. Like can't even find a place to sit packed and there ware basically traffic jams made of pedestrians on the paths leading to the top. You can get beautiful views of the mountain for example from around Lake Kawaguchi without the overtourism issues.
pineapple87 2 years ago
Don't think quaaludes are going to help you climb anything other than maybe into your bed...
#16
We had a young woman apply for an entry-level software engineering job a couple years ago that had a Linktree URL in her application and resume. One of my coworkers was doing resume evaluations for our boss and opened the Linktree, finding links to an R-rated Twitter account, a PG-13 Insta, her Onlyfans, and to her content on several other porn sites. My coworker and boss were not amused, and they were debating whether someone was trolling the company or if it was a bizarre spam attempt. Her resume was rejected, and she was sent an automated "Thank you, good luck in your search, please try again in the future" email. A few months later, we were advertising another open entry-level position when her resume came through again. My boss was doing the resume evals and recognized the name. He opened it a second time, while commenting to another of my coworkers about the inappropriate resume (he's not a perv, but was just surprised to see it again.) When my boss clicked the Linktree URL again to show the coworker, he was greeted with a perfectly normal collection of engineering links, including a link to her electronic resume, her LinkedIn, several projects she'd worked on, and a GitHub account. Our best guess is that the applicant had accidentally copypasted the wrong Linktree URL the first time. She was still rejected for the second position. At that point, several employees had seen *everything*, and my boss decided that moving her resume forward for interviews would be inappropriate. Bit of a shame too. Solid GPA from a well-respected CS program, interesting projects, and a demonstrated ability to take on some absolutely massive workloads (sorry, I'm weak and couldn't resist.) When applying for a job, please don't include links to your nudes. Aside from a handful of socially awkward software engineers, most of our people don't want to see them. /edit: Lots of people seem hung up on the fact that we passed her over the second time. Let's clear a few things up. 1. There was nothing inappropriate about employees seeing her "material." These weren't private photos, and they weren't shared without permission. It was content she had voluntarily posted online, was actively sharing with the world, and then shared directly with our company. We didn't look it up. She sent it to us. There's also nothing wrong with our manager sharing it with other senior employees who were involved in the hiring process. Nobody was ogling her because she was naked and pretty. The Internet is full of naked and pretty women, and we all know where to find it if that's what we're looking for. It was shared because it was a weird mistake to make on a resume. We thought it was *funny* to see porn in an application. 2. At the end of the day, she made an unprofessional mistake that cost her any chance at an interview. She wasn't passed up because she was a sex worker. Our company leadership was fairly liberal and they wouldn't have held it against her. What she did was the professional equivalent of a guy forgetting to zip his pants and having his d**k peek out while he walked in for his interview. Doesn't matter that it was accidental. Doesn't matter that it was embarrassing. It was unprofessional, and some things can't be unseen. Dumb mistakes during the hiring process will keep you from being hired. She made a dumb mistake. It kept her from being hired. That's just how the world works. 3. Several people seem to have misunderstood one of my comments. We didn't realize that she'd probably made a mistake with the link until *after* she applied for the second position. When her first application was submitted and shared, we really didn't know what to make of it. My boss thought it was some kind of joke, or some kind of spam account gone wrong. Nobody believed it was a serious application until *after* the second application was received a couple of months later. That's when we put two and two together. 4. First impressions matter. A lot. When your first impression includes a link to a preview video of you riding a giant dildo, you cannot get mad when that's something that people associate with you afterward. Whether she intended it or not, that was her first impression. 5. She'd have been blocked once HR learned of the nude links anyway. Hiring someone after you'd seen their nudes would have been a legal nightmare. If Applicant A sends nudes and is hired, and Applicant B doesn't send nudes and is not hired, that would be a slam dunk sex discrimination case for Applicant B. How would the company prove that they *hadn't* preferentially hired Applicant A because of the sexual material they'd provided?
Deborah B 2 years ago
Plus, the HR thing - every promotion/raise/what have you, it's going to be a potential issue. The people competing against her have (presumably) not shared their nudes, and could infer that her advancement is at least in part because of how she shares sexual material.
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DarkGlassSphere 2 years ago
Interesting, she could've been scammed by someone. Someone, could link these things to her application, to compromise. It could've been even not her porn and everything.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
Thanks for letting us all know how dumb you are. No need to announce it next time.
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#17
When I was in high school I worked in a shoe store at the mall. We got a resume once for a sales job that had, under the "Other Interests" section, "Special relationship with the one they call Satan." Yes, really.
I wanted to interview her, just to see what she'd actually say in person. My manager vetoed that, sadly.
Panda Boi 2 years ago (edited)
According to the many versions of the bibles Satan killed fewer people than God. I prefer that to people worshipping a mass murdering psychopath who condones slavery.
Nina 2 years ago
And Satan didn't want the job, someone just had to watch the bad peeps down there 🤷🏼♀️
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Mike Loux 2 years ago
I would have wanted to interview her as well. Lots of Satanists out there with better moral compasses than a ton of Christians.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
I really wish I didn't agree with you, but I do.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 2 years ago
Religious discrimination, wasn't it? If she had said Jesus instead of Satan, would she have been as likely to be denied the interview?
Donteatme666 2 years ago
I knew someone who was in the church of Satan nice guy the way they worship is interesting alot about freedom and passion anyway my point is don't judge a lot of the BS about them remember comes from the church
#18
His mother handed it to me with him just quietly standing beside her, looking like this wasn’t his idea.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 years ago
When I worked for a fast food place a lifetime ago, we had a guy come in to fill out an application with his mom. She did all the filling out. Our manager put it right into the trash. The sad thing is that he might have been a decent enough employee with dyslexia or something. But, if that's the case, take the application home so we don't see your mom filling it out for you.
#19
Had a dude turn in his application with black marker lines redacting all of his info. Only things left were his name, a phone number, and a note saying "We can discuss these details during my interview."
He, in fact, did not get an interview.
MacintoshID 2 years ago
I have seen this before too! Oddest resume out of the thousands I have read over the years. FYI - one position opening brought in 356 resumes in just 2 weeks. It was a great job working from home right after COVID started. This resume read like a spy novel. Each area had a similar disclosure of "We can go into detail during my interview." He then listed the dates and times he would be available since he was traveling a great deal in and out of countries that he could not disclose. I did check on him online and he was some middle age guy living in Texas who hated his HOA.
#20
Had a guy put on his resume that he invented the dollar, owned Microsoft and Google and Ford, was an astronaut, and founded New Zealand.
This was when I managed an Aldi store and he was applying as an associate. But he was clear to say on his resume that our business model could be vastly improved with his expertise.
I *almost* brought him in for an interview just for fun, but I couldn’t really find the time along with the real applicants.
Lorrie Boehm Kucia 2 years ago
I knew someone would say something like that as soon as I read the post. If not, I was going to add it. lol
Load More Replies... Cassie 2 years ago
Odd. My son works at a greenhouse with a guy who makes wild claims like that and his second job is stocking shelves at a local Aldi. He also regularly tells the bosses he's giving his notice because he's going to fight in a war. Every time he does, he expects a going away party, but he's been doing this over and over for several years now. The bosses just ignore his repeated declarations of quitting and pretty much anything he says so long as he keeps putting the plants in the pots.
#21
Like a lot of companies nowadays we do blind applications, no mention of age, gender, name, where you studied etc. allowed on the part that goes to people doing the evaluation.
We also attract a lot of applicants from prestigious universities, some of whom _really_ feel the need to find a way to mention the name of the institution in their competency answers as though it will help more than actually demonstrating that you are a good candidate for the job. Technically I could throw your application away, I usually won't unless you're especially obnoxious about it but it definitely does not help.
...oh but one person did add "MENSA IQ" to their application in response to a question that had no relation to such information and that did get rapidly dropped because that's a huge 'I'm going to be insufferable to work with' red flag.
*EDIT* oh and the personal statement that began with 'as a large language model...' didn't get very far.
Tara L. 2 years ago (edited)
The MENSA comment is true, had a co-worker who claimed he got into mensa and would not shut up about it. Everyone hated him, finally another co-worker snapped at him (after he mentioned mensa for the millionth time) "so what do you want, a parade? If you're so fking smart why are you just a cashier at a grocery store?" Everyone laughed and he ran crying to HR about it 🙄. Nothing came of it but no one would talk to him after that, he quit 2 weeks later.
MarieTDr 2 years ago
Most of my Mensa friends never mention they're in Mensa. Too much blowback.
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BarkingSpider 2 years ago
I love the idea of blind applications. They should all be that way, same with running for office. First initial, last name, qualifications.
Charity Angel 2 years ago
Not even the full last name - that can give away ethnicity. Initials only, or an assigned number.
Load More Replies... Tiff Day 2 years ago
Why go to college and get in debt if you cant mention in when applying for job. Sounds like a weird company to work for
Papa 2 years ago
It said you couldn't mention what college you went to. It did not say you couldn't mention that you have a college degree. Many jobs require a degree in a specific field, but the college where you got that degree is irrelevant.
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#22
A couple we didn’t shred but definitely did not call and saved for future laughs: - “Can cook anything related to a potato” (followed by the longest list of potato dishes I have ever seen and this job did not involve food in any form) - In special memberships section: “Have a blockbuster card”
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
Well, it wasn't Bubba. He was a shrimp man, through and through.
Agamemnon O'Neill 2 years ago
I think both of these are fun and remind me just how boring people who work in HR are.
Auntriarch 2 years ago
I would probably add something like the potato information, if I already listed the useful stuff
#23
One resume I got while managing a head shop included how much he could bench and the characters he played in high school theater. He was in his late mid twenties.
Cam Schmit 2 years ago
many people don't consider high school theater peaking. Usually the stereotype is athletes
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Miki 2 years ago (edited)
What is a "late mid twenties"? Something like 26, 27? Or 27 is "early late twenties"?
Shelli Aderman 2 years ago
But how much experience does one need to work at a head shop? The-Dude-w...bowski.jpg 
Zelda McLink 2 years ago
But did tell you about the time he scored five touchdowns in a single game?
#24
Make sure you attach the right file. I once had somebody attach his court summons for a DUI charge. Instant deny.
Sonja 2 years ago
I once accidentally attached my recipe for chocolate cake. Was hired though. I had attached all my docs as a zip file and had accidentally copied the recipe into the folder. HR person thought it was funny.
Amused panda 2 years ago
Were you asked if you bring baking into work to share, though?
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wayne whitson 2 years ago
"Drinking On The Job Isn't Just Allowed, IT'S A BENEFIT & ENCOURAGED"!!🤣🤣
#25
I once got a resume written in crayon.
I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago
Unlikely, all Marines know that crayons are better used as snacks than writing instruments.
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#26
I once put that I ruled France from 1693-1702 with an iron fist, invented the letter G, was a world class Candyland player, and was a unicorn rancher in my cover letter.
The job was an IT position at an advertising company that went on and on about how creative everyone that works there is. After I listed my above accomplishments, I said, "OK. So maybe I haven't done all of those things listed above but I have (list of boring IT c**p)."
I got an email the next day from HR saying that was the best cover letter they had ever gotten and they'd hire me without even interviewing me based on it but they were a Mac business and all my experience was on Windows.
Realistic Optimist 2 years ago (edited)
I am in IT and am dubious of this. If the requirements were so specialized the op felt they couldn't learn on the job, there's no way they would be hired without going through an interview process. Well, not no way, but it would very strange. In tech, specialized knowledge is expensive af, so you really want to be sure you're getting what you pay for.
HTakeover 2 years ago
Additionally... it was HR responding and unless the firm was tiny, HR isn't going to be able to decide yes on their own. This sounded more like a gentle let-down rather than the form "while your skills are impressive, we've chosen not to continue."
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I applied for a part-time bookkeeping position. They asked to explain why I only wanted to work part-time in my response. So I replied, "It's NOT because I'm independently wealth and bored. It's because I've done the whole "corporate America" thing, had gotten rid of all my dopey looking "lady suits" and quite frankly just didn't want to work that hard". I got the job.
Robert Beveridge 2 years ago
I spent thirty years in IT and I am sad I never met a unicorn rancher.
Marcellus II 2 years ago
Not in the late nineties. MacOS 9 was a total idiosyncratic nightmare that only a captive audience could deal with. Setting max memory size of each programme before startup (with total crash if reached) — and refusal to start if the others didn’t leave that much — was the least of it. OSX was a dream.
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#27
Height, weight, marital status, religion
Surenu 2 years ago
Employers aren't allowed to ask these here, and people give them out freely?
Jane Doe 2 years ago
Through the 1970s in the US those things were standard. If you stopped working in 1975 and went back to work in 1995, that would have been your last resume. I saw my (15 years older sister’s) resume. She’d started her job in 1976, moved around the company. It’s now the early 1990s. Can you look at it. Me : WTF is this?
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Jackson 2 years ago
A friend showed me a resume he received for a high pressure welder. She listed her experience and qualifications, then finished the resume with "I an only 5' 2" tall, and my shoulders are only X" across (I don't remember the exact number.), so I can probably fit into smaller vessels than anyone else applying for this job. My friend tested her welding skills and hired her on the spot.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 2 years ago
Nice to see a case where it's relevant.
Load More Replies... Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago (edited)
I will freely admit I didn't hire a young lady to be my admin assistant because (and she volunteered this information without being asked or prompted) she couldn't work overtime because as a Jehovah's Witness she had obligations to her volunteer "work". I didn't change my tone of voice and continued with the interview, but there was no way in hell I was hiring one of those f*cking weirdos to work in my office (I was married to a guy whose family was JW. His sister was positively RABID. She told my 4 year old that she was going to hell for celebrating Christmas). Her resume instantly got shredded after. So sue me.
Strawberry Pizza 2 years ago
Hey, this isn't relevant to the post, but if your profile picture is you in real life- has anyone ever told you that you look like Wil Wheaton? :D
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Upil 2 years ago
Here in my country sometimes weight and height is required, especially for a position like secretary, flight attendance, nurse, etc. I assume op doesnt do recruitment for that line of business
Manic Mama 2 years ago
Why on earth would anyone 'need' to know the weight & height of a secretary? Or a nurse. I get the flight attendant one, because sexism dies slowly, but sheesh.
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lucremia 2 years ago
This is just a typical resume in Europe. I went back to uni in Europe, and one teacher in design was telling us to do a resume just like that. I argued with her that it's not professional and no one will ever hire me with such a resume. I refused to add a head shot to my cv. She nearly failed me in her class.
#28
They didn’t list a single job. Their only experience was several years of jiu jitsu.
Alyssa Phillips 2 years ago
When I had no experience and was trying to get a job I pitched it as "I have no bad habits. I don't know any shortcuts. I won't say we did it better at company B. I am a blank slate. What you teach me to do is exactly what will get done.". Managers loved it
Red_panda 2 years ago
18 year old kid, fresh out of high school, applying for their first job. No job experience, but had the dedication to attend weekly (if not more) practices with the intent on improving physical fitness and discipline. Sounds like a winner to me. I know this was mostly hypothetical, but also possible.
#29
I had someone once put “mom to child actor” and she listed that she homeschooled on set and managed their schedule and things of that nature
I had someone else who put “babysitting Daniel” she made him eat his vegetables among other things. It was cute.
My absolute favourite was a guy who wrote his attributes landscape in italics on a piece of paper that had a background of a unicorn on a cliff with a sunset. He came and asked for it back when he wasn’t hired.
James016 2 years ago
When my wife went back to work after a number of years as a SAHM looking after our autistic child, we put that on her CV, listing the organisational skills needed to co-ordinate various therapy appointments, dealing with the masses of paperwork, teaching him some Makaton etc. She was hired very quickly as a SEN Teaching Assistant because while not having classroom experience, she had the life experience of looking after disabled people, she was also legal guardian to her severely disabled little brother after their parents passed away up until he passed away.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
My son wasn't autistic, but I did put X Family Household Management on my resume and listed everything a single parent is responsible. The company President loved it and insisted on interviewing me personally. When he offered me the job he said they needed someone with a decent sense of humor.
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BookFanatic 2 years ago
A lot of people don't realize their day-to-day skills can be translated into excellent resume points.
pineapple87 2 years ago
I've seen "practiced management skills" for a maternity leave and I think it's brilliant.
#30
I'm sure a lot of us have made mistakes on our CVs. I once changed my email address but forgot to change .co.uk to .com and the interviewer asked me about it at the end of an interview for a job I did not get.
The worst I've seen is from a girl named Clairfe. What an interesting name, is it Irish? My colleague showed me the application form handed in alongside the CV, where CLAIRE had managed to spell her own name right.
BookFanatic 2 years ago
I mis-typed Windows 98 (yes, I'm old) as Windows 9B on my resume. For a receptionist position in an IT company. They teased me about it at the interview and hired me anyway. :)
Satya Bain 2 years ago
My first tech gig was DOS 5.0, Win3.1, Win95, and Win98. Before that company moved out of the area they were introducing WinNT. Age is just a number. I fix things with very basic troubleshooting that the kids (young enough to be my grandchildren) can't fix with their degrees. Don't get me wrong, I have tremendous respect for them for getting that degree. They just forget to do the simple stuff.
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Auntriarch 2 years ago
If that had been me, I would have been so embarrassed at misspelling my own name that I would have changed it by deed poll
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Cam Schmit 2 years ago
OMG WOW CLAIRFE INSTEAD OF CLAIRE??!!! You must have had to hire Sherlock to figure that one out
Amused panda 2 years ago
Some people need to pay better attention to the email addresses they use - and I'm not meaning the correct suffix. I've seen one which was a multi-word phrase that you'd never expect to see on an application. If you are going to have a funny email address for personal use, don't use it for job applications!
Upstaged75 2 years ago (edited)
This is excellent advice. I really don't want to have to email johnlovesbigboobs23@gmail.com about a job interview. And frankly I'd probably disqualify him from my potential list for that email address alone. Everyone should have a personal account with some version of just their name for things like that.
Load More Replies... pineapple87 2 years ago
I've misspelled my own last name a couple of times when I didn't proofread. Wish I could say it was autocorrect.
CrunChewy McSandybutt 2 years ago
I had one interviewer simply SEETHING because of a typo I'd missed on my resume. Why'd you call me in if it bothers you so much?
#31
* Their photo. I don’t need a picture of you, I’m hiring for an office job not a modeling or acting gig. * Text speak. Don’t write “looking 4 a good career” or something. Use spellcheck/grammar check. * Fake jobs or schools like “school of hard knocks” or “hustle industries, CEO” (I’ve seen both of these)
#32
Student at the school of Life
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
I’ll take “Underwater Basket Weaving” or “Transcendental Meditation” for education before I’ll even entertain “School of Life.”
eMpTy 2 years ago
Several years ago I found that there was a person learning how to weave baskets which are used to catch crayfish in Tasmania. Weaving underwater baskets is a real job.
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#33
When I worked at a hotel, applicants would cut in front of customers, or not care that i was on the phone, to ask for an application. At least 90% also asked for a pen. I'd always give them a pen, and not expect them to give it back (cheap hotel- branded ballponts), although it aggravated me that so many were unprepared. But if they were rude, I'd put a note on the application. Last thing any of us needed to deal with was complaints about rude employees. They'd never get a call back if I made such a note. Just something for people to consider when they want to apply somewhere, especially when it's a customer service job. Be thoughtful and respectful to whomever may be your future coworker.
BookFanatic 2 years ago
A gentleman came in and asked for an application at my library. Fine, sure. The entire time he was filling it out he made little comments regarding working for a "bunch of females", and how when (not "if", Pandas) he got hired he'd force the director to up his salary. I put a note on his application. Shockingly, he did not get hired.
Whizzle Pop 2 years ago
Reminds me of a senior manager I once had who used to sit at the reception desk as applicants arrived for interviews and then emailed me her impressions of the candidates based on how friendly (or dismissive) they were of the "receptionist". I suppose that's probably against HR law these days, but it would surprise you the number of candidates who failed the "rude to the receptionist" test!
Jane Doe 2 years ago
Not illegal. It’s not some sort of entrapment. It’s no different in theory from other ”tests” like, “do they make eye contact/speak to everyone in the room or only those they think matter. It’s a very good idea.
Load More Replies... #34
The phrase “attention to detail” makes me look for any type of mistake 10x more than I normally would. Because more often than not, there is some mistake which immediately contradicts the attention to detail.
Pro-tip: leave that phrase out, it never helps and can only make you look silly
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Don’t oversell yourself with catch phrases. It’s a fine line to walk which can too easily stray into obnoxious & insufferable.
#35
Relevant Experience: Leader of a raid guild in the popular MMO World of Warcraft. I am responsible for coordinating the efforts of 25 individuals working toward a common goal, demonstrating leadership and problem solving skills.
Nadia Caerleon 2 years ago
Honestly underrated - the communication stkill needed in making a successful raid guild are highly transferrable.
HTakeover 2 years ago (edited)
Not just communication, but the ability organize and lead a large group of diverse people across different time zones with vastly different experience & personalities is a huge bonus. I've known two people to clench a job because of it when they were equal to another candidate in all other ways. That's the kind of person you want as a manger or supervisor dealing with a team.
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Sami-Jo Ross 2 years ago
Don't outright say it's for a video game. You'd be surprised how many mundane things can be used in a resume.
#36
I had someone who started off on their cover letter with “Let me introduce myself…” and “I’m very excited to get to know your company.” Yet…we’d just fired him a couple of weeks ago from a management position and he was applying for a different newly posted job.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
"Please allow me to introduce myself \ I'm a man of wealth and taste.\ ..."
thebookwasbetter 2 years ago
“I’ve been around for a long, long years/ Stole many a man’s soul and faith/…”
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#37
I was hiring for a lab technician job and this guy came highly recommended by someone in purchasing I think it was. So he got a shot at the interview. His resume wasn’t terrible, but there were gaps. He listed his high school graduation date and then his AA degree from the local CC was a good 10 years later. I mean, that’s ok, but there was no work experience listed for that time period either, soooo. Then came the interview with my lead technician and me. Walk the guy into a small meeting room and sit down. Before I can even introduce us, he pulls this laminated piece of paper out of his folio slams it down on the table and pushes it across the table and says, “So when do I start?” The document was a letter of recommendation from his CC physics teacher. A glowing assessment of the candidate which greatly conflicted with my assessment based on his behavior. He did not get the job.
Panda-sized Potato 2 years ago
There is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. His head was too far up his own @$$ to see it.
SM 2 years ago
That line doesn't seem very "fine" to me. Huge canyon sounds more like it.
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Apatheist Account2 2 years ago
"What were you doing for those 9 months?" "12 months, but with time off for good behaviour."
#38
I’ve never thrown out a resume for something egregious but I will never forget my interview with an underdog candidate where when I asked him what got him interested in that particular role (a corporate IT gig) he shrugged his shoulders and said “I don’t know… it’s a job.” In the words of Tyra Banks, “I was rooting for you, we were all rooting for you!!”
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
You don’t have to be passionate about the position. But at least appear more than apathetic if even just slightly.
Sonja 2 years ago (edited)
It isn't about why you want to work. We all work to earn a living and the more someone pretends otherwise the higher up they hope to get to eventually make you work for them so they have to work less. Everyone knows that. The question isn't why do you want this job, even if that's how it's phrased, the question you have to answer is why would you choose this job if you had another offer for the same position in another company. What would sway you to choose this over the other? And your answer should show that you actually read the job offer and had a glimpse on their website. Even if you just work for the money, the company expects you to do good work. The question is meant to see if you are able to prepare for the job at hand and if you have an understanding about the job. Relate it to your abilities and competence. It's meant to vet if you can work for yourself and your interests. If you can't bother to prepare for this question, they know you'll do not even the bare minimum. A good answer to the question could be: I think it fits with my experience especially in x and y do i feel I can succeed in this role. Or, I saw your profile on your website and read the reviews on glassdoor and I think it sounds as if I could thrive in this environment. (The second one is the best way to tell them your current boss sucks and you hope for better leadership)
#39
So I’ve never trashed a resume, but twice in my career I’ve had to make the decision to fire someone during their first week. First was for a customer service representative. The job requirements were fairly simple; good understanding of excel, prior experience with quickbooks (this was at a small business), and bilingual Spanish and English. She said “I’m an expert at excel. I know everything it can do.” First red flag, but I wasn’t in the interview where she said that, so I only found out after the fact. Said she had worked with quickbooks for 5 years at her last job, and grew up in a Spanish speaking household and it was her first language and learned English in school. Cut to the first week; any Spanish callers she would put on hold and make up some excuse of how she was in the middle of something and needed one of the other reps to get it. After a couple of days the other reps realized she couldn’t speak Spanish so they started talking s**t about her, in Spanish, in front of her, and when they would laugh, she would laugh along like she understood the joke. When she did basic onboarding with quickbooks, our accountant said it was like she’s never used any accounting software before, let alone quickbooks. When I was showing her how to use the excel spreadsheets that were built to run all of the order entry, she was flabbergasted by a basic formula that multiplied three fields together. When I told her there’s a vlookup function, she said “oh, I didn’t know I would need to know programming.” (Which by the way, she didn’t need to know it, I was just explaining how it worked. Anyway, started on Monday, sent packing Friday morning. Any one of those things we might have kept her and let her grow into the role, but she straight up lied about the only three requirements on the posting. Sayonara. The second was much more recent; last year in fact. The private equity firm that owns the corporation I work for owns another company on the east coast. They were hit with a ransomware attack and their IT team was completely inept, so the private equity firm contracted our IT team to fly out and help them. One of the things we were going to be doing, aside from remediating the issue, was onboarding their new IT director, getting them familiar with the existing infrastructure (which we were rebuilding for them) and then making clear the expectations around his role and what the board would be wanting from him. He showed up on his first day at 10:30AM; we had been there since 7. We talked to him for about 10 minutes; introduced ourselves and talked about which areas of what is now HIS network we were focusing on, and made it clear we would only be in town for three more days before we had to fly back to LA. We said feel free to jump in with any of us and we’ll show you what we’re doing, why it’s important, and how it relates to everything. He proceeded to go to his new office, shut the door (didn’t meet anyone else in the company) and “set up his email” for the rest of the f*****g day. Oh, and he left at 3:30. We were there until 7, went to dinner, and then proceeded to continue working until 1AM. We did that every day we were there. Remember, we’re in major crisis mode. The next day he comes in, 10:30 again, and goes straight to his office, closes the door, and said he needed to finish setting up his email. He had one meeting with the CEO, where he only talked about his hobbies, and then left for the day at 2:30. On the third day, he came in, and was fired first thing in the morning. The conversation was something like “look man… you have to run this whole operation; we know it right now because we’ve been building it for you. You have no idea how to operate and maintain this when we leave, and you’ve wasted two of our 4 days here doing a task that takes 3 minutes for a level 1 it tech. Hell, you could have TASKED one of your L1 techs to do it for you, so you could do, you know, DIRECTOR s**t. But you’re clearly not the right guy for this role, because the right guy would have been in the trenches with us, helping where possible, and learning everything there is to learn.” Kinda felt bad about that one, the guy quit another high paying job to take this one. But man, if you can’t put in effort your first week in the job when the entire company is in a crisis mode and you’ve got contractors on site working 16 hour days… ya… f**k off.
SM 2 years ago (edited)
That second one, sounds like a company to avoid. Look is it any surprise that the new person they hired for the director is incompetent when the whole IT department was incompetent in the first place? Sorry, but it takes competent people to hire competent people. This just signals that there are problems all the way up the ladder. As for that guy himself, either he got his other position by "knowing someone" or by the Peter principal. Most likely that former. And the people hiring where hiring based on "position" not based on actual checking the person had the right skills (or even the right attitude).
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Fake til ya make it…right to the hearing where we’ll contest and appeal your unemployment claim.
#40
Not a resume but occasionally someone will cold-message me on LinkedIn, and whenever I can I’ll reply if it’s a student looking for guidance in my filed and take a call and talk them through some s**t they should know. Anyhow, one of those messages began “Dear Mr [name], I hope this message finds you *in the pink of your health.* I’m still not fully over that.
#41
Now this is going to come as a surprise to some, but your list of "diagnoses" and your previous work "trauma" might be a bit of a "red flag" to the company you are applying to.
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
Reasons for leaving that start with “the manager/company…” are big red flags. Any blaming or mentioning of their previous employers in a negative way.
#42
I’m not an employer but my youngest sister wanted me to check over her first resume and she had put “5’3 Brown hair Brown eyes Funny, charismatic, loves to cook” I sat there laughing to myself pretty good and then let her know this isn’t a dating profile.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
And someone calling themselves charismatic would be a red flag to me.
#43
I'm a recruiter (mostly accounting and finance roles), and I probably look at 10 to 15 resumes a day. Anyone who puts they are a member of Mensa or their IQ on their resume is a total tool. I'm like 20/20 on that in my career. Several times, I've had a candidate include that they were looking for a "420 positive" work environment. I see a ton of resumes these days where people are trying to signal their political affiliation, with phases like "staunchly conservative" and "socially progressive." The phrase "Dog Mom/Dad" on a resume means they will use more "emergency" PTO days than anyone who is an actual parent by a factor of at least two. The resume being in a .doc format instead of .pdf is a bad sign. Over or under designed resumes are also a bad sign, I see a lot of resumes that a 2-3 prose paragraphs in 10 pt Arial, people also overdo it with proficiency scales, side panels, multiple text boxes, tons of colors, pictures, and even gifs.
James016 2 years ago
My CV is PDF but some places ask for it in a .doc so having a .doc version is not necessarily a bad thing
Papa 2 years ago
Would someone please explain what a "420 positive" work environment is? I googled it, but didn't have much luck.
Kate Fowler 2 years ago
Have a create in .doc & send in .pdf unless otherwise requested is the gen rule of thumb. Ensure both are reviewed by a grammar nazi before sending.
#44
Had an application for a management position at a public library. Job listing specified that an MLIS (Master's in Library and Information Science) degree is required. Got an application from one person who was attending community college, earing an Associate's degree in music. Their only "Management" experience was running a K-Pop fan club.
Another person spelled the library's name incorrectly.
E.V. 2 years ago
I used to work at our local library. That master's degree isn't really worth it. Cost like 30k to get it just to make 20 something dollars.
BookFanatic 2 years ago (edited)
Yup. I worked as a paraprofessional at my library for 15 years before going back for my Master's. And I got my MLIS for only one reason. You need that piece of paper if you want to move up the hierarchy.
Load More Replies... #45
Lawyer here. Multiple pages kill me. Academia can be different, but in practice, nothing you need a second page to say is worth the time.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If you're going to send in two pages, make sure that the first page makes the reader want more.
#46
I’ve seen hundreds of CVs that are still templates with [insert job title here] still on them
ॐBoyGanesh 2 years ago
I know the Word, Pages, WPS/Free/Open Office resume templates by ♡. We sometimes get a unique or stray resume format we call a “wild” and make a game of guessing which word processing app they’ve used.
#47
Work Experience: Moderator on Reddit
#48
I know some people think they're pretty slick but when I look through resumes I hate the overused "business jargon". Nothing turns me off more then a solid page of word salad that could be summed up in 2-3 sentences. It gives off a minimum word count essay vibe.
#49
Unformatted resumé. Block of text. Opening statement as folows: "I want job." To be fair, this was a job placement/school facility for those looking to grow their English skills and ability. The issue with this fella was that he refused help in building an appropriate North American resumé. It's difficult to send a resumé like that to clients, many of whom were/are international, and requiring a certain command of the English language.
#51
The best one I received was by either an extremely dedicated troll or someone in the middle of a psychotic break. Maybe both. It was 19 pages of the most insane rambling I've ever seen. Highlights include: - Every sentence ending in an exclamation point. Every! Single! One! - His entire life story, beginning from Year 0 (he was born) - A photo gallery section, with a picture of his cat, his Nana, and various scenery (this wasn't for a photography position) - A 3rd party review by one of his "teachers" at the very fake colleges he attended. - The makings of a dating profile, with a list of his favorite movies, music, video games, etc My coworkers laughed our asses off for a good bit after seeing that. Not only did I not shred it, but I printed off a copy and should probably have it framed haha
#52
On more than one occasion, I got a resume (from the same person) for an entry-level position. The first time I got it, the resume (entry level position) was 5 pages long and a laundry list of every job the dude has ever held from high school forward. What will forever stand out to me is his entry for when he worked at JC Penney. He put the job description as "helping customers find stuff". Yes that's technically the job, but "assisting customers with locating merchandise" sounds so much better on a resume.
James016 2 years ago
Q: How would you write "I changed a light bulb" on your resume? A: Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of a new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents
SM 2 years ago (edited)
I loved the time when everyone wanted to be an engineer. Sanitation engineer. Yes, there is an actual sanitation engineer, but their job isn't to collect trash. 😉The miliary had a flare for this. My job title was "avionics ground equipment specialist". I was an electronic technician.
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#53
I interview programmers. I disregard those resumes that are like 75% just lists of technologies the person has used. I want to see what you did to solve a business need, not that you used AWS EC2 and AWS S3 and AWS RDS and AWS Lambda and AWS ELBs and AWS VPCs and AWS SQS and AWS Macie and AWS Cloudformation and Hashicorp Terraform and NodeJS and NPM and JavaScript and TypeScript and on and on and on, _especially_ because in my experience, nine out of ten times, if you choose a random technology from the list and ask them what exactly they did with it, it ends up being something like "I evaluated it for the project and could learn it if required."
SM 2 years ago (edited)
When you are starting out as a programmer you figured that the job is learning a language, when you actually progress you learn that your job is to solve problems, and the language(s) you use are just the tools to make that happen. I wonder if anyone interviewing for a job that is entirely mathematics have people stating, "I know the numbers 0 through 9". 🤣
James016 2 years ago
Had a few like that but don't stand up to any basic questioning. Had a few CVs that stated "Experience with SCCM", that stood out as it was something that we were considering at the time. When it came to the interview, their experience was limited to deploying packages that other people had built. The person said that they go into SCCM, find the package and click deploy as everything else had been done for them.
#54
"Loves Hentai"
#55
Someone spelled their name wrong. Mentioned wanting to make a career at xyz company- person applied to abc company.
#56
Applying for an entry level job at a small business and your desired salary is more than the owner even makes
Michael Largey 2 years ago (edited)
It isn't cowardice. It's greed and dishonesty.
Load More Replies... Realistic Optimist 2 years ago (edited)
It is weird how some people think they will just suddenly be making 6 figures a year after graduating. It is possible to land those jobs right out of college, but you're probably working at a fortune 500 with extremely poor work/life balance.
#57
Filling every gap between traditional corporate jobs with spurious claims to have been "consulting".
What do you think ?
Charlotte A. 2 years ago
I think it's sometimes really hard to write a good CV. Sometimes you're told you should definitely include a photo, other times definitely not. Sometimes your CV should "stand out", sometimes that's just cringey. Some companies want it short, others want it detailed.... I hate writing CV's and personal letters. (Currently employed though, luckily.)
DarkGlassSphere 2 years ago
Because the world system do not interested in unwinding your talent and potential. That you have. It interested in making you to be cheap. Though you shouldn't attach your photo, or you should've. And the worst of all, mentioning your college!
Load More Replies...
Xenon 2 years ago
My husband got one that was the ad for the job cut out and "I want this job" written next to it with an arrow pointing at it.
Jefferson Selvy 2 years ago
Considering the games corporate recruiters play, I can see the need to be specific. That you didn't mention hiring, I'm guessing that's not really the job that was on offer.
Load More Replies... DeoManus Argentem 2 years ago
Not on a resume/CV, but during an interview I asked a young women the typical rapport-building/icebreaker, "Tell me something interesting about yourself." She indicated she was on an episode of "Cops" and pulled out her phone to show me her tv-debut. She was the one in handcuffs.
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
In the south, in the 90s, it was very common for a woman to list her religious affiliation, her "duties" at church, as well as her schedule as a wife and mom. I know this because I was an executive assistant in our New England branch and we merged with a southern company and I had to field resumes for my position in Kentucky. Every single resume I got was from a woman in her 30s or 40s explaining their very detailed and busy schedules as well as the hours they would be "able" or even "allowed" to work. They also all had a paragraph about their husbands. My job as 8-5, but it quite often involved later nights. Before any hiring decisions were made, it became clear that we didn't merge with this company, it was a masked hostile takeover and I abruptly quit before having to deal with any of those women.
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
For the work I'm doing now, I emailed the service manager of a music shop, said I went to a relevant trade school, owned a repair shop in a big city for twelve years, and now I was in town to help my mother after surgery and wanted to make some spending money. That was 4½ years ago
Tamiko 2 years ago
While in the middle of fighting for my disability benefits, I was pretty much forced into sending my CV to a company for a warehouse job, and I was trusted in sending my CV off myself. Got one all done suited for the job, showed the advisor then went home, deleted most of it and redid my about me "I have fibromyalgia, a warehouse job is so far out of my orbit of potential jobs I could do, I see no reason to be wasting your time. I'm currently waiting for my disability assessment to receive my benefits. " I hope someone got a laugh out of it.
Charlotte A. 2 years ago
I think it's sometimes really hard to write a good CV. Sometimes you're told you should definitely include a photo, other times definitely not. Sometimes your CV should "stand out", sometimes that's just cringey. Some companies want it short, others want it detailed.... I hate writing CV's and personal letters. (Currently employed though, luckily.)
DarkGlassSphere 2 years ago
Because the world system do not interested in unwinding your talent and potential. That you have. It interested in making you to be cheap. Though you shouldn't attach your photo, or you should've. And the worst of all, mentioning your college!
Load More Replies... Xenon 2 years ago
My husband got one that was the ad for the job cut out and "I want this job" written next to it with an arrow pointing at it.
Jefferson Selvy 2 years ago
Considering the games corporate recruiters play, I can see the need to be specific. That you didn't mention hiring, I'm guessing that's not really the job that was on offer.
Load More Replies... DeoManus Argentem 2 years ago
Not on a resume/CV, but during an interview I asked a young women the typical rapport-building/icebreaker, "Tell me something interesting about yourself." She indicated she was on an episode of "Cops" and pulled out her phone to show me her tv-debut. She was the one in handcuffs.
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
In the south, in the 90s, it was very common for a woman to list her religious affiliation, her "duties" at church, as well as her schedule as a wife and mom. I know this because I was an executive assistant in our New England branch and we merged with a southern company and I had to field resumes for my position in Kentucky. Every single resume I got was from a woman in her 30s or 40s explaining their very detailed and busy schedules as well as the hours they would be "able" or even "allowed" to work. They also all had a paragraph about their husbands. My job as 8-5, but it quite often involved later nights. Before any hiring decisions were made, it became clear that we didn't merge with this company, it was a masked hostile takeover and I abruptly quit before having to deal with any of those women.
Andy Frobig 2 years ago
For the work I'm doing now, I emailed the service manager of a music shop, said I went to a relevant trade school, owned a repair shop in a big city for twelve years, and now I was in town to help my mother after surgery and wanted to make some spending money. That was 4½ years ago
Tamiko 2 years ago
While in the middle of fighting for my disability benefits, I was pretty much forced into sending my CV to a company for a warehouse job, and I was trusted in sending my CV off myself. Got one all done suited for the job, showed the advisor then went home, deleted most of it and redid my about me "I have fibromyalgia, a warehouse job is so far out of my orbit of potential jobs I could do, I see no reason to be wasting your time. I'm currently waiting for my disability assessment to receive my benefits. " I hope someone got a laugh out of it.
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