Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
“Not A Single Person In The Room Felt Bad For Her”: 50 Tone-Deaf Reactions To Serious Struggles
Life can be tough, and we all face our share of struggles. However, occasionally when you share your personal hardship with someone, their response seems so out of touch it makes you wonder if they have ever experienced a real problem.
From clueless comments to downright dismissive remarks, people online have shared instances that perfectly illustrate what happens when individuals who have never faced true adversity try to offer their "support." Get ready to cringe and maybe even laugh at these tone-deaf reactions.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Anyone who says “but she’s your mother!” when you talk about going no contact.
I’m glad you can’t even comprehend needing to cut off an abusive parent for your own well-being, but maybe shut up if you don’t know what it’s like.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
The world famous " but family" guilt trip card! Happens all the time. They don't have to see or put up with the person though.
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
Uhuh, they're family, but my gallbladder was literally part of my body and when that became toxic I had it removed, so why wouldn't I do the same with family?
Load More Replies... Liz The Biz 1 year ago
A few years ago i cut my narcissistic mother out of my life for numerous reasons. I was talking about it to one of my work colleagues and she said, "Awww but you only get one mum you know." I replied, "Well maybe she should remember that she's only got one daughter (me)". Why is it that in situations like this people automatically assume that I'm the bad b*tch?
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I learned it's best not to discuss family issues at work. No one is likely going to meet these people. They don't know the people you're talking about. It puts them in an awkward position if there's an off-chance they do meet your mom, and there will be a chance someone will play the "Your mother isn't as bad as my mother" one-up conversation. It can/does put you in a bad light at your work, because it's like your coworkers are being used as your therapist and they think if you're talking s**t about your mother, what are you saying about them to other people, at work or wherever. Plus, toxic mothers are an alien concept to some people, and some cultures it's considered taboo to shame one's parents. So, they may not have an inkling of empathy or sympathy for what you're going through. Better to save it for therapy or a close friend who's aware and willing to listen.
Load More Replies...
Eunice Probert 1 year ago
I get the same, but about my father. To everyone he's a frail 90-year-old. To me, he's still the vicious, abusive, violent bully he was all my life. Even my daughter doesn't get it.
Christina B 1 year ago (edited)
I 100% get this....I have not spoken to my mother in almost 30 years (nobody in my family has), she too was incredibly abusive both physically and mentally, not to mention cruel and manipulative to everyone around her. When she and my dad split up she told me i had to choose - my dad, my aunt (who was more of a mom to me than her) and all other relatives - or her. Easiest decision of my life, but always heard from friends and colleagues that i should mend fences as she was my mother and birthed me. Nobody gets it unless you've lived it.
Load More Replies...
Guess Undheit 1 year ago
Ignorantly saying "But they're family!" is worse than ignorantly asking abused women "why didn't you leave".
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Sometimes the person who says the first one will also say the second one. They have NO idea how the real world works.
Load More Replies...
Socks Thecate 1 year ago
My own mother told me ten minutes after my father died that I would go on with my life but for her this was devastating. Yes, some people are that narcissistic they don't think their children are allowed to grieve their father's death.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Oh man, this was my mother when her own father died. She acted like she was the only one who lost someone. She couldn't understand why the rest of us were upset. My brother, myself and my cousins had lost a grandpa. My grandma lost her husband. My uncle lost his dad. But my mom acted as if the rest of us had no right to be as devastated as she was.
Load More Replies...
️ ️~ lefty libra️ ~ 1 year ago
when you have a bad organ that needs to be removed, you dont keep it. you rip the b***h out!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Sometimes the right reply is "Yes, she's my mother. And the best favor I can do her is to give her the wake-up call that only no-contact can provide. I can't be sure it will help, but I'm doing it for her as much for me."
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Michael, it is not always a wake-up call. If they are bad enough that you need to go no contact, they will not see it as something they did wrong.
Load More Replies...
RELATED:
#2
This is considered controversial depending on your view on this topic.
I was pregnant with my father's child at 14 ( yes you read that right). I considered an abortion ( was too far along) but once I opened up about my decision, I was told countless of times by people who have NEVER experienced what I was going through and more than likely will never, that I shouldn't do it because "it's part of GoDs PlAn and I should be GrAtEfUL for such wonderful gift" and "there are stories in the Bible of incest so it's okay"
No. This wasn't a gift.
No one, especially someone who is a child should have to go through this.
For those who might be curious Baby A was adopted 7 years ago and is doing great in their home.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
As a SA survivor I will repeat it till the end of time, you should not have to give birth to a baby that you didn't consent to making. Assaults are not a blessing or a gift. They are not a privilege. Anyone who says these things is a delusional nut
Vedette Aecus 1 year ago
God bless assault victims who choose to give the child life, and God blesses those who decide they can't.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Christians: THIS. THIS is why the non-religious loathe you as a whole. You may think of yourself as a "good Christian" who would "never" say or do something like this, but enough of you DO say and do stuff like this that they have destroyed the goodwill that the non-religious may have had towards organized religion as a whole. Please shut up and stop proselyting. We do not want to know what YOUR god thinks. YOUR god was chill with murdering countless non-Christians (in fact, he gave the orders to do so) and was also cool with telling a dude to kill his child and sacrifice him, and then was like "jk I was just testing you lololol".
Anxiety Panda 1 year ago
I'm a Christian and this sickens me. Your body. Your choice. Period. If that makes me a bad Christian, so be it.
LonelyLittleLeafSheep 1 year ago
That makes you a good Christian. No judgement, condemnation. Too bad there are so few of you.
Load More Replies...
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Abortion should be legal for any woman. Nobody gets to decide how somebody else lives their life
steaky 1 year ago
Incest happens in the bible, so it is okay? I wonder what they did with their own children :/ They are a special kind of cruel.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Yup, Steaky. My mom justified my abuse by saying that god said to go forth and multiply, so starting at the beginning, there must have been incest.
Load More Replies... Socks Thecate 1 year ago
I am so sorry there was no sympathy for you. I can't believe there are people who clearly think they are "good people" that said that to a child.
Sand Ers 1 year ago
Oh, they don’t “think” they’re good people. They “know” they’re good people.
Load More Replies... Joe Reaves 1 year ago
If God's plan involves a child being raped by anyone let alone their father, I'm on team Satan.
Kael jones 1 year ago
Another example of Christian’s being horrible beings. I know there are still a lot of good ones out there, I even know some personally, but there are too many examples of stuff like this.
Science Nerd 1 year ago
Some Christians are horrible people, most aren’t. Some Hindi are horrible people, as are Muslims, Sikhs, Buddhists, atheists , and secular humanists.
Load More Replies... #3
When I tried broaching the subject of depression with a friend in hopes that I could tell him about my struggles and he hit me with "depression isn't a thing, people just need to appreciate what they have" which was basically just a "stop being sad, just smile more" argument (i.e. stupid argument) so I just gave up.
People who have never struggled with mental health often can't phantom that it could be a problem.
Bluonthefront 1 year ago
I was asked by a NURSE "what to have to be depressed about?" Gee, it's a medical condition. Do you ask people with diabetes that?
Jenna Kay 1 year ago
Uneducated nurse, so sad. Being someone with depression, I know the struggle of finding the right doctor and i'm extremely fortunate that I did. And yes, I do live in the US, we really do have some wonderful doctors, Insurance sucks, but good doctors!!
Load More Replies...
Liz The Biz 1 year ago
Mine too. Although with her it was usually, "there are people far worse off than you, you know". Now she wonders why I never tell her anything.
Load More Replies...
similarly 1 year ago
I tried talking to my doctor about depression, the first time I'd reached out to a professional in over 30 years. I said "I've had depression since I was quite small. Recently, it's been very, very bad, and I've been having a lot of trouble with it." He laughed and said "Well, yeah, there's a lot of that going around these days." and that was the end of it.
Jan 1 year ago
Most people have their own mental health struggles. I understand the need to unburden yourself but maybe do that with a professional. Personally I can not take on the burden of being someone else's therapist when it is all I can do to keep myself centered in this world. It's very easy to be pulled under yourself by someone else who is drowning. Self care first but that response was pretty heartless.
- 1 year ago (edited)
Someone was blunt with me: "Not now, please, I've had a long day" - and I totally respected that. Personally, I don't mind being the occasional sounding board, but I'm not interested in doing it long term. Been there, done that, got compassion fatigue. Being someone's emotional support animal ended up being hugely stressful.
Load More Replies...
Beak Hookage 1 year ago (edited)
"If you just had a better attitude your arms will grow right back! Now shut up and play the piano, you big baby."
Zoe's Mom 1 year ago
The thing with mental health is if you are being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend, you tend to hear the same thing over and over. I have a friend with severe mental heal issues stemming from her upbringing. She is a product of a one-night stand. Her Mom didn't mother her. At the age of 5, she had to take care of yourself. Dad didn't want much to do with her. So I sit on the phone hour after hour, day after day and just listen but it's draining. I tried to be a good friend but after a while, it does get to you and there's not much you can say.
Lisa Crow 1 year ago
She needs to get real help, not just exploit you for a free ear. Have you aked her about this? Also, you might want to form some personal boundaries around this, like only let her talk for X amount of time, then tell her you need to go, or to let her go.
Load More Replies...We all have highs and lows in life, and having someone to share the joy with or lean on during difficult times makes it so much better. Studies have shown that the support and companionship of friends and family enrich our lives and boost our mental health.
That is why, after spending time with our loved ones, we tend to feel better. Just a single cup of coffee or tea shared with your best friend can turn a bad day into a good one. A talk with your sister or brother might instantly brighten up your mood and bring about comfort and joy.
#4
“I’m sorry that your wife passed away, I just recently got divorced and I know what it’s like to lose someone”.
No. No you don’t. Not even remotely.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
One of my managers after my dad died: "Oh, I'm sorry for your loss. I had to have my 3-year-old rat put down last month, I know how you feel." Dude, no, you don't. I've lost pets (one of my cats was almost 20 when she died) and yes, it's traumatic, and yes, you grieve like mad. But it's NOT the same as watching one's parent slowly decline over the course of 20 years due to catastrophic brain damage/strokes and then finally die of staph/double pneumonia while horrifically gasping for air as you hold their hand. My manager was well aware of my dad's situation and condition and still likened it to his pet rat.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
Wow, how tone-deaf can you get? I've cried over more pet rats than I can count, but if you told me your dad died I sure as hell wouldn't mention it, any more than I'd bring up my dead dog. Heck, I probably wouldn't even say "I know how you feel", because while I've lost a few elderly relatives and a close friend, my dad is still alive and well. As is my mum. I'm so sorry that happened to you is what I am actually saying now. That sounds absolutely horrific. :(
Load More Replies...
Alexandra 1 year ago
What is it that makes people want to compare their suffering to someone else's? It's not a contest, you know. Does the death of a father trump the death of a sibling? Does the death of a cat trump or is equal to the death of your dog? What is worse: losing your aunt or your guinea pig? You can't quantify loss.
Marla 1 year ago
I think they are trying to replicate the human emotion of empathy and starting from the wrong end of things
Load More Replies... LastButNotLeast 1 year ago
During my senior year of college, my father became seriously ill and later died of cancer. My professors knew about it and thought it was a good idea to send me to do an internship in the oncology department after two weeks. Before I started, I had a panic attack that I had never had before. Empathy, this unknown.
Breadcrumb. 1 year ago
People don't know what to say during grief and try to relate, often times saying something dumb like this but every dumb thing said feels extra because we are so vulnerable during grief.
1 year ago
The OP suggests that the death of a spouse is worse than a divorce. My friend and i lost our husbands around the same time. Hers died of cancer; Mine left me for another woman. She got to keep her children; I had to fight for mine$$$. She got life insurance; I had to pay the bills he ran up taking his gf on trips while he had our water cut off, twice. She got the compassion of others; I got whispered about like i did something wrong. She got cards and casseroles; I got another job. I told her I envied her.
ILoveMySon 1 year ago
I hope all is well now. I am sorry for your struggles.
Load More Replies... Jay Scales 1 year ago
My husband took his l*fe and a 'friend' replied 'Yes, well we had our cat put down, so we're sad too'.
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
Jay, I cannot begin to understand how you'd feel about this situation. Have you been getting appropriate help to navigate your thoughts and feelings through this?
Load More Replies...
BrownEyedGrrl 1 year ago
After my son died, I was told "I know how you feel. My dog/mom/dad died." No. You will NEVER know how someone feels. Period.
StrangeOne 1 year ago (edited)
I really don't think some people know what to say that will not make someone grieving feel worse. Everyone is different. Someone prefer the sympathetic condolences. Some people think it's cheesy, disingenuous and overall annoying. Some people need to be around others. Some people need to be alone. I can understand how feeling unsure of what to say can result in saying something tone deaf just to fill in the silence.
WakandaPanda 1 year ago
Yes, yes we do. I've been in both situations and they feel equally as bad !
#5
When I told a male friend about how I got catcalled by grown men (at 15) right after it happened and how it affected me, and he went "Just enjoy it" and then proceeded to make fun of the situation.
These men where like 50, I was 15!!!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Guys, don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man saying to you in prison.
Socks Thecate 1 year ago
One thing I will always cherish about being an old bag. No man does this anymore. Well, there was one the other day but he had to be seventy. But, honestly women really don't like feeling like meat every time they leave the house.
R Dennis 1 year ago
We banned a regular customer (really old man in a wheelchair) for grabbing a 17 year old employee's a*s. The assistant manager said to me "But what an a*s to grab!" The look of disgust on my face said the words I didn't because he stfu. (Mind you, he had been a teacher and married a student... found this out later, but not surprised.)
Nikki Gross 1 year ago
I hope that's the reason he is no longer a teacher!
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 1 year ago
If your boyfriend/husband makes comments about how pretty you are, that's cute. Random creeps three times your age? Hell to the no.
Sergio Bicerra 1 year ago
This reminds me about a video I saw a couple days ago, 2 guys shouting girls things like 'Hey, you look like you visit your grandma every single weekend!' or 'You look like you remain seated on the airplane until the flight attendant tells you can now leave your seat!'
Sharkie 1 year ago
Dad's 40+ friend was talking about breast sizes of me and my sister (we were like 14 or 15) and how he always tries to look when we needed to change clothes in the camp where we were. He told that to some other guy and my dad was nearby listening. The other guy told that perv guy he shouldn't talk like this just next to my dad. Well... My dad came and told me what he heard. I was terrified. Done time later, there was a bonfire with some singing and drinking and the perv guy came right to me and told me, I can either drink one of two drink he brought or I can kiss him. I took a sip from his bottle of mead and sat closer to a big group of people. Perv guy was disappointed. Dad was really confused, why I didn't want to come with him to that camp next time...
Jostanquecla 1 year ago
I got catcalled by a group of men in their 40's when I was twelve. Never mind my shock, how do you, as an adult man, behave that way to a child!
StrangeOne 1 year ago
I really do believe there are more pedos out there than we know, and most of them are not registered, as they haven't been caught. They'll make excuses like, "I didn't know she/he is a minor. I just saw an attractive person and gave them a compliment."
#6
I had a friend who was incredibly upset with me and started a fight because I “wasn’t there for her” when her friends with benefits called it quits with her. I wasn’t there because my 3 year old was hospitalized with pneumonia, my grandmother died, and I wad 3 weeks postpartum. It was the worst and hardest week of my life. Needless to say I took that as a sign to end the friendship.
Anna 1 year ago
My son died, and my friend bawled me out for not paying more attention to her. We're no longer friends. I'm apparently too needy and a s**t friend. 🙍
viimatar 1 year ago
I'm so sorry. I didn't at least encounter that, but if I'd gotten a euro every time I had to console shocked outsiders after telling them the news, I would've had a couple of flagship model phones' worth of money along the last 12 years.
Load More Replies... 
Marnie 1 year ago
About a week after my Dad died, I was talking to my then-boyfriend who I hadn't seen since the funeral. It was really hitting me hard. He spent 30 minutes talking about what a horrible day he'd had. Tried to help a friend move, and they weren't packed and they had rats. Yeah, that sucks. Then he wants to get off the phone. I'm not normally one to try to tell people what to say or feel, but I said something about how he hadn't asked how I was doing. He says, "Yeah, well, I just had a really bad day, you know!" I don't remember the exact conversation, but he was basically saying his day was so bad, he just didn't want to hear me complain. I threw the phone out into my driveway.
Like these posts, many of us often share our problems with those close to us. This could be for advice, emotional support, or to get a different perspective. However, sometimes we don’t know how to comfort someone who's feeling low.
Clinical psychologist Kathryn Gordon points out, “When we are not equipped to support loved ones through a hard time, our discomfort can compel us to point out a bright side or offer a simple solution, which may come across as dismissive.”
#7
I started a job about 2 months ago. My dad is 60 and was in the hospital dying and I didn't make it home because I felt like until he was on his deathbed I'd just go on weekends. My current boss told me the day of his funeral "We will be happy to let you make up the days you miss for his death". After returning to work she hasn't said a word to me and was upset I used my bereavement days.
Currently looking for new employment.
Charlie the Cat 1 year ago
My Dad died last year from cancer. My employer let me have the week off before he died so I could be with him, & the week after he had passed. All on full pay.
R Dennis 1 year ago
I have usually worked for good people. When my dad took a turn in hospice, my job told me to go home - I was out of state helping another district. They gave me a couple weeks off, sent flowers, and donated to the prison book program he started. When I ended up disabled, they gave me a retroactive raise to bump up my long term disability pay...
michael Chock 1 year ago
HR is to make sure the company is not liable for any employee complaints. 100% true.
#8
I was once discussing how expensive rent was with my employer (I'm a nanny, they write my paycheck, they know my financial status). I told them that if I hadn't moved in with my boyfriend and was still in my apartment, I don't think I could afford it because it's increased so much. They said, "It's called inflation, everything is more expensive, our cost to fly has nearly doubled."
They fly private. For leisure and business.
Joshua Russell 1 year ago
That's when you say, "You're right, everything is more expensive, that's why my rate is going up, I'm glad you understand."
J Adams 1 year ago
Not always a smart move to make, you can put your rate up of course but you very well could find yourself replaced for someone that hasn’t. A job is better than no job
Load More Replies...
Aballi 1 year ago
I was in a community space and I heard this guy talking about how blessed he is to be so well off; he makes so much money he doesn't know what to do with it all. He is so grateful, especially because he knows how many people are struggling financially right now, such as HIS EMPLOYEES. I couldn't believe I actually heard this, but the three people I was with heard him say the exact same thing.
Maisey Myles 1 year ago
Do t get me started on how much it costs to get my Maserati serviced- at least it doesn’t cost as much as redecorating my yacht
Nikole 1 year ago
You only have one of each? These truly are tough times indeed.
Load More Replies...
Joanne Mendonza-Earle 1 year ago
Reminds me of the time I called the electric co for the umpteenth time for a status on a return to power after a bad windstorm in Washington state. The person on the phone was commisserating with me and said, 'the people in Medina are still out too'. Medina is an extremely wealthy part of Seattle where Bill Gates lives. I blew my top. 'MEDINA? I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE MILLIONAIRES IN MEDINA! The lights are only off b/c they all flew to Vail for the holidays.'
#9
I'm disabled and have been struggling financially while waiting to get approved on disability. Had a friend tell me how "smart and articulate" I am and she "hates to see me waste it on disability".
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
Yeah, I am disabled too. I am on disability and hear all the time from certain ppl how " I don't live up to my potential" Pound sand AHs! Live with my medical conditions and talk about potential. Give me a F**king break!
Ge Po 1 year ago
If you become disabled, your entire reality changes. So first you have to work through the loss and learn to cope. Only then can you start to readjust to this new reality. But since there's not a ready made solution for every particular situation, you will have to find the right people to help you find out what works. Only then can you start to try and get approval for these solutions or methods. If there are any.
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago
Have you even tried smarting and articulating away your disability? /s
Kelly Scott 1 year ago
I love how people think you should "just apply for disability" like the checks are gonna start coming in tomorrow. It took 4 1/2 years for my disability to be approved and in that time, all I was receiving was food stamps and $200 a month of state disability.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Sadly, some people just do not understand the realities of struggling with disability because they’ve never experienced or had much exposure to people with disabilities. It’s a shame that the subject of disability is still taboo across the world.
williamszita 1 year ago
Yeah how dare you be disabled stop being disabled this minute!...your "friend" sounds delightful!
V 1 year ago
Now, I could be wrong, but isn't one of the reasons disability benefits exist is to give disabled people help getting the supports in place for those able to to be able to go back to school and/or work. But you need those supports in place first? Because being disabled is expensive and not as simple as just getting a job or going to school.
Cat Chat 1 year ago
But many (most? Idk) aren't able to return to work no matter what. My condition makes it so an employer cannot rely on me for any regular hours, and there is really never a time that I am pain free anymore, and working increases both pain and flares. There's a big difference between temporary disability and permanent disability. A lot of us have the latter.
Load More Replies...
Blue Cicada 1 year ago
Does this "friend" think "disability" means "cognitive disability"? Applying for and renewing disability benefits can be a real blow to our self esteem, because uncultured swine equate "disability" with "laziness," instead of chronically ill, unable to complete daily tasks.
Imagine your friend is complaining about something that’s bothering them at work, and you interrupt them and say, “At least they pay you well.” As much as that might be seen as motivation, sometimes people just want to vent their frustrations out verbally. When you tell them not to continue talking, they will end up feeling like they’re being ignored.
#10
When my child was born, he had a liver decease that needed a surgery with only 30% chance of success. Even if the surgery worked my son was hospitalized for almost 150 days throughout the years 2020 and 2021. If the surgery had failed he might have died or required liver transplant.
Through all this ordeal I missed about 12 days of work. I kept getting meetings from my boss telling me that my performance was subpar and that I should leave family problems at home. And that another employee from the company was still performing despite having cancer.
I remember during this ordeal hearing my boss talking with a female employee and her telling him her day was ruined because the starbucks employee didnt get her order right and my boss being so empathetic with her. I was boiling with rage.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Tell me you’re in the US without telling me you’re in the US. Hustle culture needs to die already
Nancy Bania 1 year ago
Only horrible bosses in the U.S.??? How lucky the rest of the world is.
Load More Replies...
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago
Human Resources, like other resources, are there to be exploited in corporate processes and the waste products disposed of as cheaply as possible. - as taught by Milton Friedman, Chicago School of Economics.
Jay Scales 1 year ago
He has so few problems in life that he can only relate to the really small things. Idiot.
Zoe's Mom 1 year ago
It makes me so sad to read things like this. Long story short, I called CPS (Child Protective Services) on my younger sister and took her 2 youngest from her. I had to go to court EVERY WEDNESDAY. Boss didn't bat an eye and told me to do what I needed to do. I'm in the U.S.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Will all that was going on with your son, I can't imagine only missing 12 days.
Tanya Venter 1 year ago
In South-Africa we get paid family responsibility leave. I think it is 3 days, not much but can help a little
#11
I was talking to my ex about my aunt who has cancer and she said among several other completely out of touch and insensitive things "you know, you can mentally will yourself out of illnesses like cancer, maybe you should tell her that".
Socks Thecate 1 year ago
Which puts the blame on the sick person for being sick. Apparently they can control their cells.
Ashlie Benson 1 year ago
I mean, if you ever had one cigarette in your life and get a disease everyone says "if you hadn't smoked", so, we do blame sick people for being sick.
Load More Replies... Beak Hookage 1 year ago
NO YOU F*****G CAN'T. My mother survived cancer, and when she read that horrible "The Secret" book, which essentially tells you bad things happen to you because you don't have the right attitude, she was LIVID. Because it was basically telling her the cancer was her fault. F**k all the way off and eat an entire bag of d***s. >:(
Robert Trebor 1 year ago
You might tell us how you really feel about this. But I do agree. No one needs to be told that their disease is their fault; really, even if some of it is due to their bad decisions, at the moment of diagnosis, dealing with the present reality is the priority.
Load More Replies... 
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
She's already talking out her a*s, so breathing from it wouldn't be much of a stretch
Load More Replies... Colleen Glim 1 year ago
I’ll be sure and tell my best friend that she can will herself out of cancer! Why didn’t I think of that when I had it? Silly me
Hmmm hmmmm 1 year ago
Honestly I can't believe those millions of dead people didn't think of that , amateurs
Suby 1 year ago (edited)
I've always had a bad immune system and get colds, bronchitis, and sinus infections frequently. I don't know how many people have told me to try harder to be healthy. Other suggestions included natural healers, not taking medicine, especially antibiotics, trying homeopathic supplements, or just mind over matter. It bothers them more than me that I get sick often. My body just is that way, so what. I take a few days off, take meds, and stay in bed. No big deal to me, but it bothers other people for some reason, and they think I'm doing something wrong.
Regina Holt 1 year ago (edited)
I've also had bronchitis, started out with what I thought was just a bad case of asthma. You would think I learn from it happening multiple times. I have a lot of allergies and people just don't know how miserable it makes me. Just no comprehension that is the reason I can't spend much time in their home. And people without asthma have absolutely NO idea how miserable you get. I'm have so many allergies that I was having reactions to the shots, so I never got up to full dose. People don't understand that sometimes I HAVE to stay in bed after "just not feeling well"
Load More Replies... #12
Back when I was in my senior year of high school I had a series of very serious traumatic events unfold within a few months, and I was a huge mess, I needed support, so I went to my then best friend of 8 years, I told him about the assaults ( SA) about the rumors people were spreading about me, and how I was having very concerning bad thoughts, his response was that he didn’t want to have to stress over me and my emotions, that he wanted to party and get the college experience he was promised and allllll that. No sympathy, just thinking of himself, he came from an incredibly rich family too, basically had no issues other than being gay, and I when above and beyond to defend him, support him, yet he couldn’t offer me a night to just spend with me to make sure I’d be alive the next day. It was awful, I truly don’t think you know how a person really feels about you till something seriously messed up happens to you.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Exactly this is what everyone usually does. People often say to me i take things too personally and I'm oversensitive and should think only about myself. Support only exists when you have enough money to pay for a personal therapist, otherwhise no one would even notice
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
That's absolutely horrible. It sounds to me like you've got toxic friends and/or family on top of everything else you're dealing with. Otherwise they would be prepared to listen and offer their sympathy and help.
Load More Replies...
Full of Giggles 1 year ago
I help my former best friend escape domestic violence. I financially supported her and her kids until she was psychologically stable enough to stand on her own two feet. About a year or so later, I reached a really dark place and was suicidal. When I told her I had thought about unaliving myself she said, “How is that my problem?”
Jenna Kay 1 year ago
I have so much to say here. My depression has caused so much pain in my life and affected others. I am fortunate, I got help, I have people who love me, and because of that I have been able to be there for others. I am sending my love to all of you who are struggling. I wish I could sit there and be there for you all.
Tom De Paul 1 year ago
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a real thing. And basically untreatable.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
Rich are usually (not always) unable to see others’ pains. They come from a place of exceptional privilege. Not all probably, but all that I’ve known.
Valerie Brillhart 1 year ago
Keep going it's tough but keep going. Their are people that love you and get help
It’s crucial to discern exactly what a person requires, especially in times when he/she is undergoing difficulties. “While putting ourselves in other people’s shoes and treating people how we want to be treated are generally useful principles, they are not always the most effective ways to cultivate compassion. It is hard to imagine being in a situation that you have not actually been in, and people differ in what they find comforting,” Gordon adds.
#13
I was lamenting about my financial troubles to my former employers father, and how I wasn’t sure how I was going to pay my rent.
This a*****e said “I feel you on your financial troubles, son. My home renovation is going over budget, and our elevator is going to cost $15,000 more than we were expecting.”
This f*****g guy told me he was spending what would have been a YEARS worth of rent for me on a friggn elevator.
Rich people have too much.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
"The enemy of the working class travels by private jet, not migrant dinghy." Zarah Sultana
BrunoVI 1 year ago (edited)
The enemy of the working class oppresses the working class by bringing in cheap labor, so he doesn't have to pay fair wages.
Load More Replies...
Tiny Dancer 1 year ago
I remember grovelling to a friend years ago (rent was overdue by two weeks, building was ready to toss us out) and being told, "No, sorry, but we have to buy a new filter for the pool and that's going to cost thousands!" Our friendship was never quite the same again.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Friendship was never the same? Why would you even have that Friendship any more?
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
Lol, I work in the video games industry and we're all underpaid af, except for the entirely cis/het/male leadership who make 6 figures. They are seated with the rest of the workers so we have to hear them complaining. One guy complained when he had to pay someone $1500 to go pick up his expensive sports car from the states, the other guy was complaining that his house renovations were running over. His "crown molding" guy was costing him an arm and a leg... F*****g obtuse a******s
TribbleThinking 1 year ago (edited)
Not to pour fuel on the fire, but the elevator wasn't $15k, it was (original quote) PLUS 15k. Sorry to hear about your financial problems and your very sucky boss.
#14
As someone with lifelong chronic illness, I missed just 2 days from work and my boss had a talk with me and said “I get sick and I still come to work. In the real world you have to push through it”.
I was slowly dying from complications (of a now treated disease!) and she knew that. The audacity.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Nah, in the actual real world (aka not the US) you have sick leave and pto, and if you've used all that up you can take annual leave, maybe even at half-pay if you want - and then guess what your manager does - manages the work load and staff *shock* I KNOW!
Ace 1 year ago
No, that does not describe most of the "actual real" world, where there is no set limit to annual sick days.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Boss, in the real world dead people don't show up for work, and I'm trying very hard to not be one."
Aballi 1 year ago
ARGH. I'm so sorry she said this to you! I have chronic mental and physical illnesses and work four days a week to help minimize my stress. About once every six months, my dad tells me I need to be working more than 32 hours a week, because "when he was my age he was raising kids, working full time, AND going to school." I've explained to him multiple times that living with chronic illness IS a full time job, but he just doesn't get it.
Lisa Peterson 1 year ago (edited)
Oh. My. God. I have newly acquired chronic illness (5 or so years) and my boss has been so accommodating with helping me get short term leave, flexible hours, and all. I'd be homeless if it weren't for her (and my employer benefits). I find it disgusting that managers think they get the best from their employees, or any kind of loyalty, with that mentality. (I'm in the US too. It's rare but possible)
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
Why do so many delusional bosses think that your job should be the most important thing in your life instead of just the thing that allows you to pay for all the most important things in your life!
Michael Largey 1 year ago
No, they think that your actions affect how they do their job is evaluated, and they think that THEIR job should be the most important thing in your life.
Load More Replies...
Jerry Lane 1 year ago
Bosses only worry about $$. Don’t expect any interest if you are not making them $$.
Daniele Stewart 6 months ago
Was horrible sick while pregnant. Finally at 8 months I just couldn't work anymore (cashier at walmart ) boss says we'll u know I was laying down bathroom tile when was i was 9 months pregnant. Said oh wow I've been laying on the bathroom tile for 8 months puking.
#15
My ex came from money (grew up in Brentwood). She had maids/butlers growing up.
Our relationship was great until we moved in together. She didn't know how to clean or take care of her menagerie of pets because she always had someone do it for her. I constantly sat her down and explained that it wasn't magically getting done, I was doing it and I needed help.
She cocked her head sideways and said "It shouldn't take you long to do it. *Enter Maid's name* could do all that in an hour."
I realized I was more of "The Help" then a romantic partner and got out.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
OP should have packed and left. And he maybe he could do all that in an hour.
Load More Replies...
highwaycrossingfrog 1 year ago (edited)
If you're going to use a place as a marker of wealth or status, please be a little more specific. I have zero context of what Brentwood means except that they're probably not talking about the one I know in Essex, UK where a man recently got his ear bitten off in a pub
54 s 1 year ago
Seriously! Brentwood near me is a very not nice neighborhood. Not ear-bitingly bad but still, solid chance you'll be robbed at gunpoint.
Load More Replies...
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
She's going to learn real fast when the numerous partners dump her because they don't want to be the " hired help"
Science Nerd 1 year ago
Did she move back in with Mommy & Daddy or get a handout from them? Or is she having a reality check from having to do housework (emphasis on work) herself?
Pollymere 7 months ago
I love my husband dearly but when I got injured recently and was worrying about chores, he just said "don't worry, they can wait until you're better" rather than "I'll do them". It's the same mentality...it's just the way he was brought up. He doesn't treat me like the help though and will happily do chores.
When someone comes to you with a problem, the first thing you should do is listen to them. Let them vent and speak about the things that are bothering them. “I think we all intuitively know that, when we’re deeply listened to by the kind and loving attention of another human being, healing is possible,” believes Lisa B. Nelson, Director of Medical Education at Kripalu. “Through empathic listening, we can actually affect the physiology and psychology of another person.”
#16
This wasn't said in direct response to it, but my former friend said the following knowing full well that I was suffering from depression: "depressed people should just get over it. I had depression and that's what I did."
He was either lying about having depression in the first place or lying about "getting over it", both are equally plausible.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My mom straight-up didn't believe mental illness existed when I was a teen struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. She said depressed people can "just feel better if they WANT to" and suicidal people "just want attention". My dad had to sneak me to see a therapist and help me get (and hide) a prescription for antidepressants (both of which did help, thankfully.) Hilariously enough, now that my mom is 79 and can't handle the fact that she's actually ageing and has no friends (that one is due to her being an a-hole), she's "depressed". She tells me now that she is depressed and suicidal. I can't even describe to you how tempted I am to repeat her words from my childhood back to her, but I won't lower myself to her level.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
People that say they had depression and got over it or cured themselves...you had regular depression or SADNESS! Clinical depression is very different.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Yep, and if you break your leg in three places just get over it. Walk it off, as they say.
smugdruggler 1 year ago
You don't "get over " depression, you go through it. And hopefully come out the other side.
maka paka 1 year ago
There a LOT of people who think they have/had depression that don't. The real thing is absolutely debillitating, i don't just need to cry in a corner or feel a bit 'sad' i spend the days struggling to get out of bed, to see any goodness in my life and with an overwhelming feeling that the world, my kids and family would just be better off without me. Someone once gave me a bit of advice that has helped me massively. 'Are you really gonna let it win, surely if your mind wants you dead that much it can turn itself off' Sounds harsh but he was right and i think of it often on my dark days, you want me gone Brain then turn yourself off, otherwise we're stuck in this shithole together
kay321 1 year ago
My brother said that there's no reason for anyone to be depressed and theat they need to "get over themselves" and said he'd throw mum's tablets in the fire and we had to hide it from him that she'd gotten them. Then his wife caused a whole row last September and they both stop speaking to me (he apparently isn't happy about not speaking to me, but hasn't done anything about it in nearly a year) and then he has hassle at work and their car needed a new engine, mum said he sounded depressed, I had absolutely no sympathy for him and just said "he needs to get over himself".
#17
I have rheumatoid arthritis. Luckily it’s pretty under control. While there are far worse diseases it’s by no means a walk in the park.
When I told my colleague about my health struggles she didn’t hesitate to respond “I totally understand, it’s like when I used to have back acne.”
Yup. Totally the same.
Moosy Girl 1 year ago (edited)
This one is hard, having health issues is never a contest. While some illnesses can definitely objectively be considered worse than others, how people experience them can be very hard to quantify. Edit: An example: my mom has had cancer. She got incredibly lucky with treatment/recovery, and now occasionally (in the safety of her home) jokes she’d take cancer over a common cold any time.
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
This whole thread is a woe is me my life sucks worst contest. "How dare you not immediately agree that I am broken and fork over your retirement savings and home elevator funds!"
Load More Replies...
LeftEyedAsmodeus 1 year ago
I have RA, too. A good friend of mine has really bad acne, in his 30s. I wouldnt trade with her.
Svenne O'Lotta 1 year ago
Hey, did you know that neurodivergent people will often try to show sympathy by telling you about something similar they experienced? It's not a competition and we realize this. It will sometimes come out a bit awkward but I promise you, we mean no harm and in fact try to show you that we're here for you
Nikole 1 year ago
I think that’s what a lot of these “insensitive” responses are. Sometimes you don’t know what to say about a horrific situation but try to relate to it as much as possible.
Load More Replies...
Julia Mckinney 1 year ago
I've had chronic sinus issues for over 30 years. I was in line at Safeway one day behind someone getting a LOT of those little bottles of mercurochrome. I asked why and it turned out he had one of those chronic skin issues causing lots of dry, cracked skin and the mercurochrome was to stop the infections that happened. We joked about trading our respective issues, talked about some of the daily medical things we had to do, steps various doctors had taken to help lessen the symptoms because our problems aren't curable, medications we had to use, etc... It was a fun conversation and as we got up to the front of the line, we decided that we'd just stick with the medical issues we knew instead of trying to deal with a whole new problem. It was really interesting talking to someone with a similar problem as me- "uncurable and/or not sure what exactly causes the problem, won't kill you, just may hospitalize you sometimes, needs daily care" medical issues.
Kobe (she) 1 year ago
Mmm... not the same. Yet, the impact that it can have on someone, can be similar though. You should not underestimate the severity of terrible acne and what that can do to someone. Both psychically and mentally.
Nils Skirnir 1 year ago
Not so long ago, 80 years ago, people often died from acne or developed severe scarring that affected life.
Load More Replies... Evelien Stijger Martens 6 months ago
You don't know how bad it was and how much she sufferd from it.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
People who can compare your pain to their "pain" or loss can NEVER understand. They have no concept of what you are dealing with.
#18
When I was in college and depressed, I spoke about it to some people at a hangout. My ex's friend told me "Just travel, it makes me feel better every time. This year I went to Spain and Egypt". Yeah, let's just ignore the fact I had no money for therapy, and I should have used that non-existent money to travel, and twice in one year.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
This is my problem with the "go to therapy" crowd. Like that s**t is free
Tempest 1 year ago
I never understood this. Most people needing therapy have financial struggles on top of other issues and yet the solution/help is even more expensive. I can see that certain medical procedures like specialised imaging, etc are expensive but therapy should be something that is either free or, in the least, affordable to all. I live in a country with free healthcare but therapy is still a paid service and costs nearly an arm and leg in the long run.
Load More Replies...
Lisa Peterson 1 year ago
I was depressed and suicidal my sophomore year at university. Went to the on campus counselor (we actually got 3 free visits) and told her what was happening. Counselor suggested I get more exercise and Vitamin D after telling her how I wanted to k**l myself. Never went back, no follow up from the counselor until I got a bland letter that my services were cut off for not returning. THAT'S their response to I have a plan??? That alone almost tipped the scales.
Melissa Harris 1 year ago (edited)
Students can usually access mental healthcare through their university. Take advantage of the resources on campus. You're already paying for them with tuition.
Lea S. 7 months ago
Yes, an old acquaintance of mine once went on a rant about people not travelling. It was very strange to me because his idea was everyone could afford to travel but just idiotically stayed in the same place. I looked at him and said...did it ever occur to you that people aren't travelling because THEY DON'T HAVE THE MONEY?! He just wandered off.
Jerry Lane 1 year ago
Half of the stories in this column are about uncaring ‘friends’ or oblivious rich people. Stop assuming that people ‘get it’ - they don’t and they never will. Until it happens to them.
We all yearn to be understood. When we speak with our family or friends and they listen to us patiently, we believe that they are taking us seriously. We feel validated and acknowledged. This not only helps us feel better about ourselves but also fosters a sense of connection with the listener.
#19
I lost my career, my wife, and my home, and all of my possessions at the beginning of covid and was functionally homeless and staying with a friend while I got back on my feet (I had been working in Beijing, but was out of the country when the pandemic hit, so China closed the border and I got screwed).
I was telling a friend about my situation, and when I finished talking, he flippantly said, "yeah, it's hurt all of us man. I made $10,000 less in commission than a normal year."
He was a realtor making 6 figures.
#20
I told a friend from college that I was living with my parents until I got a job and could afford to rent an apartment in the city, and she said 'but why don't they just buy you a apartment in the city?', and I explained they couldn't afford it, and she said 'But don't they realise it is an investment?'
She is actually very nice, she was just absolutely oblivious at the time that most people don't see buying a home for your kids as a normal thing.
Ashlie Benson 1 year ago
I knew a girl in college who did not know they sold socks at WalMart. She always bought them from Abercrombie. She also flew to Europe to buy sunglasses. Super nice, no idea what life is really like if you aren't born with silver spoons and all that.
Heather Talma 1 year ago
Do people actually "buy" apartments? Like, just pay for it once and own it rather than renting? Why would you do that? If you can afford to BUY a living space go for an entire house.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Yes, investments are a great way to build your wealth, but honey, we have not enough money to buy wealth.
#21
I was homeless living out of my car. Would come to work before everyone else to get cleaned up before my shift. My manager (whom I confided in about being homeless) said “would it k*ll you to wear make up? You don’t have to look like what you’re going through.”.
Bluonthefront 1 year ago
It's bs that women are expected to wear makeup to look "professional."
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago (edited)
Society's standards are too much. I've literally got on make up right now at school because I think I look ugly and I hate how I look. AND this is what I have on: eyeliner, Mascara, highlighter, blush, lipstick, concealer. AND thats not all. Today I was proud of myself for lessening the amount of make up I put on. Take that in (edit: I should also add that I am one of the popular girls in my school so ppl expect me to look perfect every second of the day D:)
Load More Replies...
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
WOAHHHHHH THAT IS.... NOOOO TALK TO SOMEONE HIGHER THAN MANAGEMENT OR SOMETHING (Ive never worked before idk)
Laserleader 1 year ago
What? Who the hell decides who should wear makeup? I won't work for anyplace that demands women wear skirts and makeup because skirts disgust me, and I'm allergic to most makeup.
Nevertheless, when someone has not gone through what you are experiencing, it might be hard for them to fully understand the intensity of emotions and complexities tied to your situation.
For instance, if you’re dealing with financial difficulties and you confide in someone who never had such issues in life, they might say things like, “It can’t be that bad." This disconnection highlights how much shared experiences can be instrumental in giving meaningful support.
#22
When my mom committed s*icide over the summer in high school, I came back and a girl said she understood because she had totaled her car that summer.
- 1 year ago
Yup, the car couldn't take it anymore. Seriously, I think the girl was trying to say that the loss of her car was like losing a parent to suicide.
Load More Replies...
Chirp 1 year ago
Well maybe due to her age she didn't know quite what to say and was just trying to empathize
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Any loss of a parent (in a good family), regardless of how it happened. I would think that by that age, she should know that there is nothing like losing someone as important as a parent.
Load More Replies... #23
I got SA by a woman.
One of friends I tried to talk to asked if I got her number after since she wanted me so bad.
Nimitz 1 year ago
It's amazing how people still think it's okay for women to SA men. Happened to me at work, happened to me in clubs and bars. Every time by middle-aged "family" women. Keep your f*****g hands to yourself.
Rhodri Terrell 1 year ago (edited)
One of the worst laws here (where I am) is that "there's no such thing as getting raped by a woman". Getting raped can only occur when a real p*nis is inserted by a man. A Woman would be charged with SA. Not Rape. How F*cked up is that??
Not-a-Clue (she/her) 1 year ago
That's the legal definition of rape in the UK, So legally a woman cannot commit rape. Anything else is considered sexual assault, although it's just as traumatic for the person concerned, regardless if the gender of the person being assaulted or the perpetrator.
Load More Replies... Dee Rutherford 1 year ago
If you are a man, you might have been told that it couldn’t happen. Either way, I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alexandra 1 year ago
Let's not pretend that it's impossible for a woman to be a rapist. Granted, a woman is not likely to rape an adult male, but they do rape children.
Laserleader 1 year ago
I know one that regularly would rape her husband, he was too scared to get a divorce for over a year. Being a spouse doesn't mean you aren't raped if you are forced into sex against your will.
Load More Replies...
Bubs (he/they) 1 year ago
it's so unfortunate that r@pe victims are hardly ever taken seriously, regardless of gender identity. there's nothing fun or enjoyable about r@pe. this world (mainly the United States) is so f****d.
#24
I know it’s less “severe” than other problems that I’ve read on here, but I really hate when people invalidate mental struggles. I suffer from depression, and many times, the people I told it to replied with “you’re too young to be depressed” or “depression doesn’t exist, it’s all in your head”. These people never faced a struggle like mine. Truly infuriating.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 year ago
Never realised MENTAL illness is in my head... thought it was in my foot
Virgil Blue 1 year ago
"It's all in your head" Wow. Yeah I know. It's the place we're all of my thoughts live. Including the depressing ones
InfamousBerry34 1 year ago
I get people telling me that they don't get what there is to be stressed about, or they tell me to cheer up, when I'm getting really anxious or feeling low. And that is the last thing I need to be told. Invalidation hurts
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago (edited)
I wish people understood that even if you’re “well and functioning”, you still have a mental illness and keeping that blighter (other much stronger words are available, but not on BP), under control is exhausting. It doesn’t just go away, I still have to manage what I do to prevent myself tipping over into it again and try to rationalise myself out of situations rather than spiral. Sending love to you all struggling today
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago (edited)
Let you help you there, Blue Bunny. You can totally use whatever words you want and un-censor them with an edit! Mental illness is a b***h. Depression, as an example, is a c**t of a thing and f**k! it takes some f*****g effort to function with that f****r!
Load More Replies... Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago (edited)
I don't understand why these people aren't going to oncology wards in children's hospitals and "curing" the kids there with such words of wisdom... "You're too young to have leukaemia" or "Brain tumours don't exist. It's all in your head." F*****G morons! 🙄
Science Nerd 1 year ago
If it is all in your head, then why does it respond to medications? It is unfortunate that a sufferer may have to go through many ineffective meds before they find something that works for them.
smugdruggler 1 year ago
It is in your head. That's where your brain is. All "mental " illnesses are rooted in the brain and are just as much physical illnesses as any other.
Load More Replies...Additionally, they might not be able to give you practical or helpful advice due to their limited understanding. Assume you are grappling with a knotty work problem, and you ask a friend who has never been in the same sort of situation professionally. They may tell you to “speak up” without appreciating the nuanced dynamics of office politics or the possible consequences of your actions.
#25
Recently, my mom was asking me to forgive my sister and rebuild my relationship with her because it was important for her rehab. I have been asked this numerous times in my life, so I decided to detail out to my mom all of the times she tormented me and abused me. Locking me in closets for hours on end, choking me, she held a knife against my throat, verbally abused me, and would trash my entire room and destroy my stuff. It was never serious enough or bad enough to leave a mark, so nothing happened about it for years. The worst part was that my sister would just laugh through all of it. It wasn't an angry reaction, I was just a toy to mess with. After I detailed out all the stuff she did my mom just said, "How do you think I felt knowing this was going on?"
My mom has claimed she has all this trauma and been through some seriously terrible situations, but this was where I feel she confirmed that she was lying to be the victim. There is no way you can claim you went through abuse yourself and say this.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
This sounds like my life, except family members reversed. My sister is my parents' bio child; I am adopted. Sister is mom's golden child and was never even spanked. I was beaten, thrown across the room, cut with knives, verbally and mentally abused, etc.(My dad was an awesome, wonderful parent, but my mom abused him too, yes, even physically.) My sister now tells me that our mom is "lonely" and "has no friends" (gee, I wonder why?) and sister says that I should "spend time with her". My sister says I will "regret it" when my mom dies if I don't spend time with her. HAHAHAHA. No, no I will not. I can guarantee that OP's mom will NEVER understand and will NEVER change her tune about OP's sister; my sister never has in regards to my mom and she WITNESSED my mom abusing me (and our dad.) As an aside to OP's last paragraph - my mom is big on telling everyone how SHE was abused and beaten as a kid and how horrible it was. It obviously didn't stop her from beating and abusing her OWN child.
Nimitz 1 year ago (edited)
Same page club! My family has tried to pressure me to let my sister back into my life. 6 years ago she tried to kill me. We grew up in a hellhouse and have PTSD. I spent my 20s working on my brain, trying to get healthy again. That monstrous piece of s**t put me through 9 months of hell then tried to murder me. I pressed charges but she pulled the "I'm a poor blond girl! I'm an addict and have anxiety, I'm so sad" card and didn't get any time, just suspended sentence for and a night in jail. They want me to let her back into my life now that she claims to have been sober for a year. She undid a decade of hard work and my mental health is a daily struggle through hell. Just going to work 40 hrs a week leaves me emotionally destitute and frequently semi-suicidal. It's a fight every single morning. I will see her again when I p**s on her grave, and not one day before then.
Soulstorm brew 1 year ago
My sister was an abusive nutcase. She learned it from our psychotic dad. My mom and I were basically in hell for a long time. We are no contact with 90% of our relatives and in-laws.
Laserleader 1 year ago
The fact your mom knew about the abuse and let it happen without serious consequences shows she is a horrible parent. Last Christmas, my mom laughed when I tried to tell her about my childhood trauma, acting like none of what she said and did happend, before leaving and telling my brother she goaded me on purpose. I now avoid all contact.
tjames19701962 1 year ago
Please, please cut your mother and sister out of your life. If they want to know why, tell them that if they don't know, they should think about it. Then cut ALL contact and live your best life!!
M Calad 1 year ago (edited)
In my opinion, the forgiveness process (it is a process that can take months or years or...the whole life and never ends) starts with the attacker understanding what they did wrong, the consequences of their actions, and genuinely apologising to the victim about it. Then it is up to the victim to check if they are willing to start the forgiveness process. There is no right or wrong decision; every case is unique. But expecting a victim to suddenly forgive because it suits someone's agenda is cruel and heartless.
#26
I live in a nice area, but my wife and I are average income folks without family money. At the bus stop with my kids, another parent asked if they could borrow our housekeeper (we don’t have one) because hers was sick with COVID and the dishes/laundry were starting to stack up. She was in full crisis mode.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
If she was using the bus probably her chauffeur also had Covid.
Julia Mckinney 1 year ago
Skeet time- throw the dishes in the air then shoot them. They'll be done then!
#27
Had a wealthy friend (30f) complaining to me about how abusive her "narcissist" mother is... Mom pays her $3600 rent, bails her out of every tough situation, lets the friend use any of her 5+ homes in gorgeous places, free vacations, backup credit card, etc.
What did Mom do that was abusive? Gave her reasonable advice on her dating life and asked her to stop using the credit card to buy worthless garbage on Amazon... In other words, normal mom stuff.
This friend says she knows what it was like to grow up in an abusive home with a single narcissistic parent just like me... Except my parent did not keep food in the house, beat our a*ses, isolated us from friends and family, stole and sold possessions, etc.
Grimhild 1 year ago
Ah ha, I see we have a perfect example of projection being used here. As a person who has been no contact for an exceptionally long time with abusive psychopaths (dark triad in my case) in my family of origin (also referred to narcissistic personality disorder) this seems to be the norm as in never taking responsibility and it's always everyone else.
Soulstorm brew 1 year ago
I had a coworker tell me and another guy that we should forgive our parents and get over it. I hate people.
Mike F 1 year ago
Everyone is a psychologist and able to diagnose other people's mental conditions.
Grimhild 1 year ago
The patterns resemble the aforementioned is how I came to my own conclusion. Also, life experiences alert you to the same behaviors that you have encountered before. This keeps you safe whether you are a mental health professional or not. That being said no one is claiming to be a psychologist.
Load More Replies...You might also feel frustrated or misunderstood when their replies come across as tone-deaf or dismissive. When you share your concerns and receive responses that are disconnected or overly simplistic, you start thinking that the person is taking you for granted.
It’s not helpful to get such dismissive replies, and these posts show how some people have never encountered real problems in life. When responses are superficial and lack empathy, it highlights the differences between your experience and theirs. Ultimately, we should find support from those who genuinely understand and relate to your challenges. Have you ever heard a clueless response? Tell us about it in the comments below.
#28
A family friend who was raised ultra privileged and has had a cushy SAHM life for many years, is going through a divorce. As part of the agreement to living in the home, she was told to get a job. She said to us "when will I have time to go grocery shopping?!?!"
My wife and I, who both run businesses, and work full time to support our kid, asked her what she thought *we* did.
#29
“I know you were close, but aren’t you glad you don’t have to deal with all that drama anymore?”. My sister died this July, that was the response of someone who is now an ex friend.
*editing to add that this friend had never even met my sister, has zero empathy for mental health or addiction, and truly believes we are better off without my sister*.
#30
As a parent to 2 young kids, I've had people tell me "Oh you're not getting sleep? Just nap when the kids nap". Ironically, the only people who've ever said this have never had kids.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
My oldest daughter didn’t nap from 18 months on. Thanks for the advice. Why didn’t I think of that?
Diana Lucas 1 year ago
My son didn't nap when he was young, either. Napping was not on the table unless I could get someone to be with my son while I conked out for an hour.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Just nap when the kids nap. You'll know it's time to wake up when you hear that crackling sound the drapes make when the kids set them on fire."
Nikole 1 year ago
Because cats never wake you up? Errrr… (But yes, much easier in general.)
Load More Replies... KimTx ️ 1 year ago
I'm sorry. I am very guilty of saying this. You forget how it really was as your kids get older. My daughter was a napper. My son couldn't be still. I had to lay down with him on my bed, his head at one end, my head at the other, me very gently holding his ankle. I only had to hold it for a minute or two and barely needed to touch it before he fell asleep. If I fell asleep first, he stayed with me and eventually slept. He is super hyper (still) and when he is tired, he crashes.
James016 1 year ago
We were very lucky with our son that he always slept through the night as a baby.
Nikole 1 year ago
My mom said I did as well (except the one time I had colic). My younger brother was a completely different story…
Load More Replies...
Tyranamar Seuss 1 year ago
I napped when my son napped. Someone had told me this and I think it was great advice. But he was just 1 kiddo. Not 2. They also told me not to worry too much about the laundry and keeping the house spotless. Took that advice too. We just had a clean laundry pile. It worked for us.
Evelien Stijger Martens 6 months ago
I always napped with my kids, only thing is, it was over to soon.
#31
I went out to lunch with a coworker and she mentioned her boyfriend wasn’t currently working and I said it must be tough to not have him contributing financially to the relationship (I assumed he wasn’t if he didn’t have an income) and she goes “well no he does, he’s a trust fund baby so even tho he’s not working he has a lot of money but we’re all kinda trust fund babies aren’t we?” Meanwhile she is the first person I met who actually has a trust fund and every penny I’ve earned I had to work for myself since I was 16 yrs old.
Anna Ekberg 1 year ago
So many rich people are completely clueless about the average persons economic troubles and yet they rule the world. 🙄
#32
My boss at one job couldn’t comprehend why I wouldn’t buy a car with a payment and I had to explain that I couldn’t afford it.
She couldn’t understand that when you’re poor s**t’s disposable. This was back in the day you could drop 2k on a car and drive it for a year or two and go onto another.
She kept saying I was bad at budgeting and maths and was my own worse enemy, but I was making ~$12hr assembling medical devices and my health insurance alone was $500 a month. I was pawning s**t for gas money just to get to work.
Socks Thecate 1 year ago
Yes, when the a*****e who underpays you pretends you are the one who can't "make it work" the a*****e needs to either stump up for a raise or be gone.
Steve Hall 1 year ago
If you were making $12 per hour, you couldn't afford $500 health insurance.
BringMeMyDragons 1 year ago
Um, what? I can't drop $40,000 on a car, I have to make smaller payments monthly to afford it. What planet do you live on??
Load More Replies... #33
Was once telling someone how my genuinely obsessed ex bf was stalking me and would show up at bars he had been banned from looking for me and starting fights. One night he walked in, I had my back to the door so I didn't see him, and he slapped the guy I was sitting beside, called me a c**t, and ran out. He has had multiple felony convictions for assaulting strangers and a mountain of charges he slithered he way out of. He was abusive to me when we were together, and full blown stalker when I left. Dude climbed a two story building and punched me in the face while i was on the phone with 911 and had an active no contact order in place.
Anyways, I was telling someone how he was still showing up at the places he knew I spent time about a year after I left him. Their response was, "It's been long enough, you need to set some boundaries and he should respect that."
EXCUSE ME?! Did you miss the part about him being irrational and unstable? You think if I just tell him to leave me alone he'll go away????
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
Having a stalker is another one of those things that is near impossible to fully grasp until it happens to you, no matter how much you’ve read about it in the news, how many podcasts you’ve listened to or movies you’ve seen.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
The judge who issued the no contact order should be the one enforcing boundaries.
what (she/they/it?) 1 year ago
yoo hoooOOOO upvotes whhheeerrrreee arrreeee yooouuuu
Load More Replies... Georgia Ireland 1 year ago
I was stalked for ten years as a kid, starting at 9, ending when I was 19.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
She suggested you set boundary? Um, leaving him was a boundary. And getting a no contact order is a major boundary you set. That idiot has no comprehension of what a stalker actually is and does.
Phantom Phoenix 1 year ago (edited)
Of course! If only you'd thought of that... Dude who's f****d in the head and ignores bar bans and police/court orders will totally get straightened out if you tell him you've set boundaries 🤦🏻♂️
Lea S. 7 months ago
A long time friend of mine got into a physically/emotionally a*****e relationship right when COVID lockdown started. Not a lot of people caught it because were all staying home. The relationship lasted a few years and then it was a few more years of constant court cases. When I tried to explain to my parents what was happening to my friend they say 'can't she just get over it?'
Craig Reynolds 4 months ago
Here in the US, if you're not from here, this is one of the best reasons to exercise your Second Amendment Right...
#34
When my dad attacked my mom with a knife, I took a week off of work to make sure she was okay and safe and that he wasn't coming back to the house to threaten her. When I got back to work my hours were slashed in half and when I asked for them back my boss gave me a 15 minute lecture about how many problems I caused, saying "We all have bad days sometimes, but we still have to come in to work.".
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
We as a society made a big mistake when we didn't beat to death the 1st person who said something like this.
María Hermida 1 year ago
We didn't do it back then, but perhaps it's high time we started
Load More Replies... Valerie Brillhart 1 year ago
Again Look for aNew I job. family over everything no job worth losing family time
María Hermida 1 year ago
That's another thing people don't understand. Looking for a new job is virtually impossible in some areas, or if the person doesn't have the necessary qualifications for whatever reason. "No job is worth losing family time" is wonderfully utopic. For many people who live paycheck to paycheck, no job means homelessness.
Load More Replies... Alexandra 1 year ago
This kind of arbitrariness on the part of the employer is why we have a regulated labour market. An employee has a contract with stated hours and those hours are inviolate. If you want to change them you can, but you need the consent of both parties. If not, permission has to be asked. The argument of 'we all have bad days but we come in to work nonetheless' just doesn't cut it in a labour tribunal. I pay an awful lot of taxes, but I prefer this system which benefits all of us instead of just employers.
#35
My friend's mother started working as a secretary at Comcast in the 80's by walking in and asking if any positions were available. She eventually became "good friends" with one of the founders sons and got access to a bunch of stock benefits and bonuses effectively making her a multi millionaire.
When I was finishing college I was applying for jobs and not getting any calls back and got told by her "Young people don't apply themselves enough! You need to show up early and ask for the job!"
I wanted to say not everyone had a chance to sleep with a rich CEO's son, but held back.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago (edited)
OP REALLY should've told her that. I bet the look on her face would've been priceless.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
In 2019, during the Australian wildfires, my dear, dear father called me to demand that I write a letter to the ambassador and offer my services (I was just finishing my Bachelor's), and they will give me a visa and fly me out to save the koalas. And it's ok even if they don't pay me at this time, the important thing is that I get a foot in the door. I was speechless.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
WHAT? And I'm curious what those services he was talking about
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
God, during the 2015 economic crisis I lost my high paying job. Had to take whatever was available. My mom hit me with that line. "Just show up and hand in your resume." Honey, I tried, they told me to apply online. I should also mention that my mom is unemployable. She worked as a cleaning lady and was fired from every job she ever had. When she cleaned houses, she never had consistent clients because if she found porn or anything she didn't approve of, she's throw it out and then judge them. Not a lot of people want a cleaning lady like that.
Nimitz 1 year ago
And when the chips were down I've always taken whatever jobs were available. I grew up cleaning houses with her. I've done janitorial, I've been a dishwasher, I took a property restoration job that frequently required me to clean up sewer backups. Oh, and my father kept telling me things like "It's okay to be a tradesman" because he thinks I'm a snob because I went to university for physics/chemistry. B***h, I WORK.
Load More Replies... Steve Hall 1 year ago
People told me that in the 1960s and 1970s, it didn't work then and it won't work now.
#36
I’ve had a lot of odd jobs over the years, especially in my late teens/early 20’s. Most just different kinds of minimum wage stuff. One year when I was on summer break from college I was back home working 3 different jobs. I went on a few dates with a guy who had a trust fund and his parents black AmEx card. One day we’re at lunch together and I was telling him about the absolute random grab bag that was my employment history. Once I finished he looked at me confused and said “do you just really like working?”
There was not another date after that.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
No. No I don’t. Sadly, I have an unfortunate eating habit and the grocery store doesn’t take pocket lint and rocks
Hana Hajská 1 year ago
You should seek therapy and work through your food addiction.
Load More Replies... #37
Everyone I’ve ever met who expressed surprise that I have student loans. “Oh wow, really? I just assumed everyone’s parents paid for their college.” Ok, you.. are aware many people struggle financially right? “Well I just thought their dad got a second job or something”
MULTIPLE people.
General Anaesthesia 1 year ago
Is it possible to get to college without ever having heard of student loans? That oblivious to life?
athornedrose 1 year ago
who on earth went to college without student loans in the US? i knew of exactly 1 person. how on earth? who? where does that happen? i could not and didn't grow up with anyone who had parents that could just pay out of pocket like that.
#38
A close friend lost her 21-year-old son, and her “friend” said, “I know how you feel. We had to have our cat put down.”
C.O. Shea 1 year ago
Repeat after me... "I'm sorry for your loss." And shut up about the dámned cat. 🙄
Kathrin Pukowsky 1 year ago
I had to let the vet put down our family cat Fridolin at age 21. He had been with me since I could form my first memories. Magna Doodle was the only affectionate presence in my miserable life for twelve years until she got cancer and there was no more hope. Tinka Bella reached the age of 19 years, and her loss made me reach my lowest point in life. So I fully understand that the friend BELIEVED she knew how the mother felt after losing her son... but for the love of god, that's just NOT something you say! Why even compare the currently suffering person's loss to your own? You don't need to have "been there" to show sympathy.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Wow, just wow. It's astounding how people can think it's "similar." I shared in another comment here how my manager at work said he "understood" about how sad I was that my dad died because he'd had to "put his rat down" the previous month. I've lost pets too and it's traumatizing (I haven't recovered from euthanizing my 20-year-old kitty in 2018; I still cry about it) but it is NOT like losing a family member that you loved.
Catherine Burgin 1 year ago
My brother died and my moms boss (who had been wonderful and so helpful the night he was killed) said to her, on the first anniversary of his death; "Don't you think it's time you got over this", when my mom cried at work. Lost all respect for that woman.
Ace 1 year ago
Unless you're a cat owner and not a parent you'll never understand how hard it is to lose a cat.
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
I have a cat that is practically attached at my hip. I’m not sure if I could keep going if I lost her, but I’d still never say the above to someone who lost their son. In fact I think saying “I know how you feel” should just be avoided altogether when someone is grieving a death.
Load More Replies... Regina Holt 1 year ago
"I know how you feel" is never a true statement. I hate when people say that.
Leigh Kinnaird 1 year ago
I'm a bereaved parent and have heard this countless times was even on boards for bereaved parents where posters came in about losing their son or daughter and it was a cat or dog. I am a member of one charity that now has to vet potential entrants to ensure they have indeed lost a child due to so many people faking it.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago (edited)
Show the friend the Brene Brown video, sympathy versus empathy. Sadly, I don’t think she did one called, you and your friend - which one of you is a tone deaf idiot
Dorothy Reiser 1 year ago
How about this one: I'm sorry. At least you have two other kids at home.
#39
I have the kindest friend in the world, but she is very privileged. When one of our friends said she wouldn't be attending our college the next year due to lack of finances (her parents did not have the money but were too "wealthy" on paper for FAFSA), she told her to just ask her parents really nicely. When we tried to explain that no, her parents did not have the money, she doubled down with "but what if you tell them how much it means to you?".
#40
A girl I know posted herself crying for minutes on her Snapchat story after she *only* got mid level tickets to the Taylor swift concert. “THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER”.
#41
One of my absolute best friends once said to me in all seriousness that he was behind his peers because "the average person owns at least two homes and I don't even have one yet".
He was making a six figure salary and still living at home at this point. Meanwhile I was homeless at 16, we sat him down and had a talk.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
I suppose some of us are way way below average because we know that we will never own a home
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
"The average person owns two homes" lol WHAT?! I don't even have two VEHICLES. (I'm seriously contemplating getting a joke bumper sticker - you know how some people have ones that say "My Other Car Is A TARDIS" or "My Other Car Is A Porsche"? Mine will say "My Other Car Is A ... haha jk I can't afford a second car")
#42
As the lone parent on my team at work, a colleague asked my opinion about a pay disparity news article. I mentioned something about how pay inequality played a part in many mothers choosing to leave their careers to be a full time parent. My colleague excitedly told me that wasn’t true because her brother-in-law chose to stay at home so that his much lower-paid wife could stay in her profession. She didn’t see the the importance of mentioning that she had very wealthy parents who helped pay her sister’s mortgage.
smugdruggler 1 year ago
Yeah, and "helped pay " her mortgage probably means "PAID her mortgage ".
#43
My close friend said "he felt the same" when his tinder date (they were not really dating, just chatting) chose another guy, this was after I told him my wife of almost 9 years cheated on me.
No, no you do not feel the same.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
And if the friend actually felt the same, he has problems far worse than indicated here.
#44
“You can’t pay for it? Just ask your parents!” Hahaha oh honey. I wish.
ShyWahine 1 year ago
And she's a full-grown adult who still financially relies on her parents....
Laserleader 1 year ago
After I moved out from my parents, only once did I ask my father for money. I had been suffering from a deep cavity that split my tooth, and after 7 months of agony I asked for $300 to help cover a dental bill for an extraction (only procedure I could afford although the tooth could have been saved). He said he couldn't help, and then talked about his garden until my phone battery died.
#45
"Being poor is f*****g expensive *uses the terry pratchett boot story as an illustration*"
"Well why don't they just save to buy the more expensive option that will save money in the long run".
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
You have to have money in order to be able to have that opportunity. To some of us. Even being able to have money at the end of the month would be a miracle
Just me... 1 year ago
Having money left at the end of the month means I forgot to pay a bill.
Load More Replies... highwaycrossingfrog 1 year ago
The "Boots theory" is posited by Pratchett's character Captain Sam Vimes, who as a policeman walked the city streets and so went through a lot of boots - "The reason that the rich were so rich, Vimes reasoned, was because they managed to spend less money. Take boots, for example. He earned thirty-eight dollars a month plus allowances. A really good pair of leather boots cost fifty dollars. But an affordable pair of boots, which were sort of OK for a season or two and then leaked like hell when the cardboard gave out, cost about ten dollars. Those were the kind of boots Vimes always bought, and wore until the soles were so thin that he could tell where he was in Ankh-Morpork on a foggy night by the feel of the cobbles. But the thing was that good boots lasted for years and years. A man who could afford fifty dollars had a pair of boots that'd still be keeping his feet dry in ten years' time, while the poor man who could only afford cheap boots would have spent a hundred dollars on boots in the same time and would still have wet feet. This was the Captain Samuel Vimes 'Boots' theory of socioeconomic unfairness." Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms: The Play
smugdruggler 1 year ago
Love Sam Vimes, he's one of my favourite characters. RIP Sir Terry.
Load More Replies... 
#46
My son was born after 8 years of infertility, but I had him at a slightly more inconvenient time of year.
I was talking about this and some woman said “you should have planned better”.
Niki A 1 year ago
I hate it when my unborn child decides to inconvenience me. They really should learn some manners!!
Load More Replies... 
ROSESARERED 1 year ago
I got told off for going to a funeral 3 weeks before Christmas. My uncle died, I couldn't get to his funeral, then my cousin 5 days later, I went to his. Inconvenient because it was Christmas. Told my boss I was going back next week, and it's more Inconvenient to us who loved these people than stupid f&#@^&$% Christmas sales peak period
#47
My ex called me crying on Christmas because she asked for an Apple TV, and her parents didn’t get her the newest version….
#48
“You don’t have money? Just go to an ATM!”
BrownEyedGrrl 1 year ago
This sounds like something a child would say. Years ago, I told my daughter I couldn't afford something. She told me to just write a check.
UpupaEpops 1 year ago
I know grown adults who don't understand the difference between debit and credit and are collecting credit cards as if it was damn Pokemon. I legit had a conversation where someone told me they took out a credit card to pay for another credit card which they got and maxed out because they saw a home cinema system on sale and couldn't just leave it there. 🤦🏻♀️
Load More Replies... Science Nerd 1 year ago
I can’t be overdrawn. I still have checks. (back when personal checks were still a thing)
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
You have to have money to get money. ATMs don’t just give you what you want
#49
Lost my brother to an accident nearly 20 years ago. When telling what I considered at the time, a close friend, his response was, " Yeah, I'm going through a tough time right now too. One of my mates just broke up with his girlfriend."
I was too numb at the time to have any sort of reaction, but it turned out to be a remarkable insight into his concept of "problems."
I hope life has adjusted his perspective since then, I wouldn't know, though.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago (edited)
When my dad's accident happened, I was 18. He woke up from his initial coma, but he had sustained catastrophic brain damage in the accident and was clearly going to permanently need 24/7 care. After 6 months he was "ready" to be discharged from the hospital. I had a friend who was a year younger than me, and when I was telling my friend group that my mother and my sister and I had decided that we would care for my dad at home instead of putting him in a facility, she said "Oh, I would NEVER do that for MY parents. Fück THAT. I have my whole LIFE ahead of me! You're about to waste your entire youth for NOTHING." Her family was rich af and her parents weren't abusive or anything that she'd have a reason to not want to care for them. She simply couldn't comprehend that in some families/cultures (like mine), you take care of your family members when they become injured/disabled/elderly, you don't just shove them into a facility and out of sight. And, you know, I actually LOVED my dad. I'd have done anything for him. There was that, too.
Valerie Brillhart 1 year ago
Just spent 2 years with me and my sister taking care of our mom after a heart attack and multiple strokes. Mom passed in April. It was hard but would do it all over again in order to hear and see her again. Rich people have no concept of helping
Load More Replies...
#50
My friend's aunt is rich and I had to sit and hear her complain to her family about how inflation is so bad she had to buy a BMW X3 instead of an X5 like she originally planned.
Not a single person in the room felt bad for her.
EDIT: Im seeing a lot of comments saying that if she’s downgrading, she’s not rich. I know a handful of rich folks and they STAY rich by setting a budget and sticking to it. I’m 100% sure that if she really wanted to, she could’ve spent the extra scratch. But it was clear at the time that other unavoidable expenses had cut into her car budget.
Toothless Feline 1 year ago
If you’re buying a used BMW, you’d better be rich. Maintenance on those things is not cheap.
Load More Replies... Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago
I was forced to downgrade to a Lambo from the McLaren I really wanted. Now I'm no longer known as a rich person.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I'm driving a 23-year-old VW Eurovan held together with duct tape and prayers because I can't afford even a *decent* used car. My mom is the kind of person who "trades in" her car every 3 years or so and gets a new one because she "can't stand" driving an "old" car. She's currently driving a Cadillac CT5-V.
nottheactualphoto 1 year ago
A CT5-V! That is a really nice ride. As it better be, for nearly $100k.
Load More Replies...
#51
Kind of a downer post but I was really depressed, extremely anxious and s*icidal for about 2 1/2 years. My sophomore year I almost went through with it because o couldn’t take the living I’m constant anxiousness and with my own thoughts anymore.
That next day I woke up and broke down to a teacher and my parents. Now at this time, my family life was really toxic. Thankfully my mom was very understanding and got me into therapy and on some medicine. After 2 weeks of medicine and therapy, I finally starting to feel a tad bit better and my step dad goes “you don’t need to be on that medicine anymore”.
I also remember telling him about a therapy session and how I never called him dad because all of the father figures in my life either left or died. He heard me say this and laughed it off like I was an idiot. It was at that point I realized that that man had no idea about mental health or struggles with it. Which is ironic because now that I’m almost 30 (my mom left him along time ago) I realized that he would benefit immensely from therapy.
#52
Bipolar 2. In the early 2000s ive attempted to unlife myself a handful of times. Still deal with deep depression to this day.
Person i confided in said "Prfff. I've had depression before. Just focus."
😂.
Carla Phillips 1 year ago
We do focus. Especially at night when we want to sleep. Our brains focus on every decision we've we've made in rapid succession. And when I say focus, I mean the thoughts are intrusive and can't be turned off
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Focus is not part of the cure for depression. It is a cause of the problem.
#53
I took and autobiographical writing class in college. Several students wrote about their experiences with racism. I started exploring my mental health issues and actually got diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a result of that exploration. Another student wrote about his abusive father.
A girl in the class wrote about how she and her friend in high school argued about which of them should get to date this one guy. This was supposedly the hardest issue she had ever dealt with. It blew my mind.
Ace 1 year ago
"An" autobiographical writing class should not focus on the life events themselves, but how well you can write about them; there's no reason to suppose that this was the worst thing that ever happened to her.
C.O. Shea 1 year ago
You have no idea what went on for that girl... more grace, and compassion... less judgment, kid.
XanthippeⓐWulf🇨🇦️️🇬🇧 1 year ago
Right? I keep thinking that according to what the OP wrote, the assignment was to be autobiographical, not "write about the worst experience of your life." She wrote about a moment in her life, hence the parameters of the assignment were met 🤷♀️
Load More Replies... notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
Must be nice that that's the worst of their problems lol. Give it time... Reality and a wake up call is in their future
- 1 year ago
Yup. One of my in-laws was an elitist snob. Three kids and one divorce later, they're getting by and have joined picket lines.
Load More Replies...
#54
Was dating a girl and I told her about how my buddy had threatened to shoot up his work place so I had to report him and she replied “I’ve also had a bad day” I asked her why and her response? “Cause I’m at work and my balloon decoration keeps falling over”.
#55
"Well you obviously aren't trying hard enough if you can't get a minimum wage job after a week of handing out resumes for four hours every day." - My stepmonster.
I'd never had a job before, so my resume was just a bunch of volunteer work and my WIP degree. I also wasn't allowed to apply online to anything even though that's the #1 response I got when I walked into places.
She made me hand out resumes for 8 hours a day every day after that little conversation.
notlikeyou1971 1 year ago
Go to the library and do all of the job searching behind her back online because most jobs don't want paper resumes these days.
#56
I was standing next to my mom at my sister’s funeral and I overheard someone telling my mom “oh, I know what you’re going through - I just had to put my 14 year old dog down.” Both my mom & I were too stunned & upset to say anything. Later that same funeral, the priest talked about how all kids need their parents to hold their hands while crossing the street & how that’s literal when they’re younger but metaphorical when they’re older.
My sister was struck by a drunk driver while crossing the street to get back to her apartment (the light was red, so she had the right of way & was using the crosswalk) and later had to be taken off of life support because her injuries were too bad. It’s been 6 years since her funeral and I still get upset thinking about both things.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
Priests should always know how the person died. Avoid the cringe moments for the family.
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
the first one, Im not surprised bc Ive read abt it SOOOO many times on this thread. The SECOND one, tho...
#57
I was a key component in a software development team. I was the only software tester on the team (with 5 developers). Our scrum master and product owner left the business. The business told us to fill the void whilst they looked for replacements. For 18 months I covered the testing, the scrum master role and the PO role. I was worn out, tired, severely underpaid, was sleep deprived as a new father and had just discovered that they weren’t actively looking for replacements….
I went to the head of engineering and told him that I can’t do 3 jobs, the company isn’t doing enough, my pay review resulted in nothing for and he needs to sort this issue (whilst tearing up) as it has gone on for too long. His response was “chill_roller you need to work smarter. Not harder”. And offered no alternative advice or guidance. Dude was a complete f*****t and it still angers me to this day.
Science Nerd 1 year ago
I hope you put all these responsibilities on you resume and was able to walk away from the job.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 1 year ago
Fùckwit. Thats what was said. Goodness- thought a much worse word was said
#58
Was talking about my issues with OCD, specifically about how irrational and irritating i must’ve been to my boyfriend who i made turn around as we were leaving home because i left my medication on the kitchen counter, and i was CONVINCED the cat would knock it off and the dog would eat it and die. (the medication was where i left it)
coworker goes “oh my OCD is so bad today too like i had to organize all the phone cases cause they were messy and i just couldn’t handle it!!”
like girlie… i was just describing how i thought my dog was going to die and it all be my fault…. not the same….
i get the attempt to empathize but, you gotta see how making OCD sound like simple organizational issues make people with OCD feel real dumb and a bit crazy. i simply don’t bother talking about it to anyone who isn’t my therapist or boyfriend now.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago
I wish people would stop saying they have OCD, when in fact they’re just really pernickety about cleaning.
Farah the Turtle 1 year ago
"oMg, mY oCd iS sO bAd tOdAy bEcAuSe I hAd tO cLeAn" bs
Load More Replies... Stardust she/her 1 year ago
My own classmates have diagnosed me with OCD only because I appear neat on the outside and like patterns. It irritates me a lot even though I’ve never met anyone with OCD as they don’t even seem to understand the magnitude of a lot of mental health issues so they just freely throw around the terms
Regina Holt 1 year ago
I have OCD. I was diagnosed by a specialist at Johns Hopkins hospitals in Baltimore. A friend dragged me there. I actually didn't think I had OCD, I just thought I "liked" counting lots of different things. Plus there was something else that I don't have enough space to explain it here. I never thought I had OCD until I was diagnosed. So it is annoying when people joke about having OCD when they really don't. You will never NEED to eat a sandwich with exactly 8 bites.
#59
My dear beloved cat Mikey passed away from cancer at the age of 13 in December 2017. I did not come to work that day for obvious reasons. This absolutely devastated me as I had him since he was a baby. He was like a son to me.
I came back after a couple days (I worked in hospitality), and the general manager came up to me and said “So what? Animals die every day. Get back to work”. She knew how much I loved my cat, how heartless of her.
Then she had the audacity to give me a mug that said “crazy cat lady” for Christmas when I was still mourning the loss of my cat. 😡 I threw it in the trash.
F**k you, Deborah.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
My almost-20-year-old cat, Wintressia, died of a stroke in 2018. She'd been diagnosed with kidney failure (CRF/CKD) when she was 14, but was actually maintained really well with meds, diet, and subQ fluids - the kidney failure did NOT kill her or cause the stroke. When I had to have her euthanized the day after the stroke (she was not going to recover and her body temp was fluctuating), my boyfriend looked at me ugly-crying after I'd finally been able to leave the euthanasia-room and my girl's poor body and said "Why are you THIS sad? You KNEW she was going to die. She was almost 20." Yeah, I can't believe I stayed with him after that, either. I've finally come to my senses and I'm GTFOing in the next few months and moving back home. hearthcat1...67dee8.jpg 
Neb 1 year ago
Your cat provided a biggest service to you, even after her death.
Load More Replies...
#60
When my husband died a woman at my work told me to give it 3 months and I’ll feel back to normal.
#61
"But you have a good job and have a chance of a house? How can you be struggling".
The response I got from a colleague when they found I was in therapy and seeking an autism test.
#62
An ex-coworker told me “My uncle died in the other room and yet i got over it” and told me to get over my mourning too. It had been 7 years since my sister passed at that time when they told me this.
My sister passed away when I was a teen and it still hurts. She barely turned 18 and was going to finish high school too. Even after 10+ years of therapy, journaling, and just trying to understand it all, I’m still a mess from it cause she was taken from us too soon.
But my point is: Everyone mourns at a different speed. Don’t ever tell someone to get over it in their mourning. Let them heal at their own pace.
#63
A few years ago I was telling my long time friend (30year) I was feeling depressed and was contemplating buying a gun for a single purpose.
His response was "good luck with that, fuxxing lib**rds would probably make you wait 2 weeks, this whole liberal state has their head up their a*s"
Mean while he doesn't work and has free healthcare/ snap benefits from the state while he lives rent free in an extra house his mom's owns while giving him a 200 weekly allowance as he rages on about "freeloading illegals"
his brother graduated from Harvard with honors while he doesn't even have his highschool diploma
he yells at people his political opinion and calls himself intelligent debater when they just walk away from him.
The only problems he has come from the silver spoon he has shoved up his a*s.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
OMG! Did he have too much wax in his ears that he didn't hear what you said
Neb 1 year ago
Nah, probably his brother inherited all the brain in the family and left him none.
Load More Replies... DC 1 year ago (edited)
... how come that anger issues, bloody ignorance and a tendency to solve problems by weapons - the potence of violence cast into a piece of machinery - always coincide with being self-declared conservative, while really being reactionary to a degree that the state of affairs they want to re-gain never even was that bad even in the past? How come? Shouldn't all that, by now, be like ... gone with the wind?
#64
Had a traumatizing birth for my first baby, also faced it alone because of covid restrictions husband wasn't allowed in until the very end and the amount of “oh you'rr fine we ALL actually do it alone and nobody helps” still makes me f*****g angry to think about.
Science Nerd 1 year ago
You should never have to go through this alone. I try to count it as a blessing that my Mom passed a week before Covid lockdowns so she was never alone during her time in hospice.
#65
My fiancée has had bad anxiety when we first met and one of our mutual friends said “just don’t be anxious” when the topic came up.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
Add it to the list of "just stop being sad" for depression and "just stop feeling like killing yourself" for suicidal ideation! Easy-peasy! /s
#66
2008, I was in high school and finally broke down to my parents how bad my depression and anxiety was getting. Neither one of them were very comforting, I supposed they didn’t really know what to say or do. But my dad basically had no reaction until my mom asked if he had anything to say and he just said “yeah, everyone is depressed. We’re in a depressed economy”.
He and I have had our issues but have been able to find common ground now that I’m an adult but I still refuse to ever open up to him again because he is the most emotionally immature person I know.
#67
An ex friend of mine has never paid a bill in her life, her dad paid for her college and apartment even though they are estranged. Her mom bought her a condo. A mutual friend was talking about her dad physically and emotionally abused her for her childhood and how it damaged her and she went off on a tirade about how her dad ruined her life even though he always supported her and her parents were just divorced.
You can always have trauma from your s**t but don’t try to one up others especially when they had it so much worse.
She also constantly complained that she was forced to get a job.
#68
I tell people how I have 20 soft tissue injuries like torn ACL, cartilage, etc and they tell me to rub an ointment on it or take Tumeric. I know they don’t have any serious injuries they can relate with.
My favorite is the rolled ankle people who compare not even a high ankle sprain.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago (edited)
I don't know, I think you only get to b***h about these things if you sought treatment and completed the physiotherapy. Looking at you, dad
DC 1 year ago
Pain and pain aren't the same. For a short timeframe, we can endure a lot. But a pain that is just over the threshold to being always perceived, will slowly take its toll, until you realize that even in your dreams you think about how doing someting might affect your pain for the remainder of the day, or the next, ...
#69
Told my friend about my anxiety/OCD, depression, feeling isolated and lonely because of the pandemic and his response was…
“it’s always something with you! Grow up!”
Said this on my birthday… this was 2 years ago and we haven’t spoken since.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Ridding your life of someone like this is one of the better birthday presents.
#70
My mom recently had emergency open heart surgery and she lives a state away. I wasn’t sure if I should go visit her or if I should wait for her to get out of surgery to help her as I would only be able to take one trip and I have a son I’m responsible for so I felt being there when I was actually needed was more important. Anyway I asked my friend group what their advice was and one friend said “why would you go it’s not like you’re a doctor” I just replied with “wow”. My other friend called me and gave me actual good advice.
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
Lol that’s what one of my bosses told me when I asked if I could leave work early because my mom had just been admitted to the hospital after a stroke.
DC 1 year ago
You don't ask, you notify them. Not ahead of time - you had no time to prepare either.
Load More Replies... DC 1 year ago (edited)
How many times did I need to go to the Doctor with Dad, just so the Doctor was actually useful as a Doctor? A lot of them left the impression in me that I'm better qualified in regard to his case, just because I know it in its entirity, and they don't even want to... It's not that I always know better than them, but I know which meds NEVER are possible (some pretty standard ones, due to kidney, allergies, ...) and at least I got the reasons THAT anything needs to be done straight and complete. Often, that seems to be of more value than a formal medical education.
Regina Holt 1 year ago
"WOW" was the safest response I would have been able to give. Otherwise there would be personal injury. Literally.
#71
My wife was friends with a trust-funder whose grandfather was super wealthy and even started a famous museum you may have heard of. Anyway, my wife was taking part in a community garage sale at the apartment where she was living then, when her friend asked if she could bring over some stuff she never used and wanted to get rid of. One was a very cheap, small screwdriver set; like this.
Anyway, some guy asked the friend what she wanted for it, and she says "Um, $10?" Guy huffed and walked off. She says to my wife "What do I know? I never use tools.".
#72
I was living paycheck to paycheck. Asked my friend for some financial/budgeting advice. "Well I make sure I can pay all my monthly expenses with half a paycheck".....
#73
When my coworker accidentally came into a bathroom stall I forgot to lock.
Her: aw, what’s going on?
Me: I’ve been going through several year of infertility, giving myself hormone injections, tried multiple surgeries and procedures. The only option we have left is IVF, but we can’t afford it. I’ve been applying to grants but we haven’t been chosen. It is a very real possibility my husband and I won’t ever have a biological child together. I don’t think I’ll experience what it’s like to have his child- My child. I have no idea how accept this.
Her: on the bright side you can r*w dog and never have to be on birth control! *cackle*
I swear my birth control made me gain like 20 pounds!
Never was able to have a baby. But I am doing somewhat better these days. It comes in waves.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
I hope OP can consider/afford adoption. If you truly just want *children*, they do not have to be your biological children. I'm adopted and my parents are 100% my parents. There was never a moment when I did not consider them anything except my parents. I can accept that some people want biological children/to actually carry a child in their womb, but I can't fully understand it. It seems that, to some people, there is a difference between "I want to have children" and "I only want children if they have my DNA". (Barring the ability to afford adoption/the legality/ease of adoption where they live, of course, as I know it's not "easy" to adopt a child everywhere and is just as costly as IVF in some places.)
RedRose 1 year ago
🤫 This was not the point of op’s post and they’re allowed to state what they were dealing with and working through without unsolicited advice
Load More Replies... #74
A woman in her 40's told me that the day she got cut from the volleyball team in high school was the worst day of her life. She's an absolute sweetheart, but when I heard that I was like "Really!? THAT was the WORST day of YOUR LIFE?".
highwaycrossingfrog 1 year ago
Needs more context I think? Unless she was responding in a tone deaf manner to you sharing your own trauma, or otherwise trying to demonstrate imagined hardship, I'd say that is a valid remark. Some people are lucky enough not to go through bad experiences
Moosy Girl 1 year ago
Did you ask WHY it was the worst day of her life? It might have set in motion a bunch of things or it might’ve been a downward spiral that ended with being cut from the volleyball team or…
#75
A girl i know had a complete meltdown cuz her window of her windshield cracked. Literally saying everything goes wrong for her and how she’s sick of the world.
The crack wasn’t even noticeable. Like she had to point it out.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
If you don't have windscreen cover and your inspection is coming up, this might be a legitimate worry that ironically OP can't see because of their own privilege.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 year ago
...uh, WHAT privilege does OP have, exactly?
Load More Replies... #76
The mortgage rates in Canada are rising quickly. Was at a poker game and lamenting about the cost of my mortgage going up.
Another guy at the table is complaining too. Come to find out though. Hes mortgage free. Big time trust fund vibes. And im like thats cool. We can play poker. But don’t act like we in the same boat man. Sure. Same ocean, much much different boats. F*****s on a yacht yelling down to my dingy about how rough the seas are….
Widdershins66 1 year ago
Gambling? 🤦 You only gamble what you can AFFORD to lose. Money to burn...
DC 1 year ago
You only gamble what you WANT to lose. You spend money for a blingblig environment, not to get money back. Said environment, practially always, lacks more taste than it could take in.......
Load More Replies... #77
A friend told me he was really stressed about a situation at work (an international bank).
The situation was an intern from Germany he was hoping to sleep with was returning home, and he was afraid he might not get the opportunity to do so.
Fortunately there was a happy ending and he accomplished his mission before she left.
What do you think ?
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Female child social service worker said to me while I tried to tell her me and my 10 and 12 yo daughters just needed some time off from job and school, for taking care of myself and my daughters who were sexually assaulted by their own father: "I'm sure you know most of sexually abused child victims don't survive the ordeal, because the abuser usually kill them in order to not be discovered, your girls are both alive and well, so you should be GRATEFUL and actually start acting like a RESPONSIBLE parent and go immediately back to work and girls to school or else I wont rest until the family judge get the girls custody revoked from you". After hearing this I realized there is no hope for humanity and i understood why so many desperate mothers take their own lifes along with their children's lifes too. Humanity is not a value and people don't understand about compassion or empathy.
Toujin C'Thlu 1 year ago
Please tell me she got fired. I can't believe that people like this are social workers...
Load More Replies...
"Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
I honestly didn't realize how many horrible people were in my life until I was sexually assaulted. The amount of comments I got when I tried to talk about it were horrible. Things like "You're a guy. So you must have enjoyed it." Or "Well women are more likely to be assaulted, so it's fair". A lot of people out there are awful.
Marnie 1 year ago
That makes me SO SAD to hear that, for you and any men who have been on the receiving end of such treatment. I hope you found a way to get support, despite those horrible people.
Load More Replies... Liz The Biz 1 year ago
When I was still married to my ex-husband I told my mother that I was planning on leaving him because he beat me up and left me black and blue regularly. She said I was "talking rubbish" because he was always nice in frint of her and she'd never seen any cuts or bruises on me (he always left my face alone and I always wore trousers and long sleeved tops to hide it because I didn't want any awkward questions or any further trouble). After he had beaten me for the very last time and I had found the courage to leave him for good, I took photos of my battered and bruised body. When I showed her I said, "Now do you believe me?" Her reply, "Oh well I never really liked him anyway."
Marnie 1 year ago
My cousin died when she was 19 in a car accident. Still makes me sad 40 years later. My aunt had a total of 13 kids (two were twins including the one who died). Someone cam up to my aunt at the funeral and said, "Well, it's a good thing you have so many other kids," as if my aunt loved this daughter less because she had "spares". And I know 13 kids would be an abomination now, but at the time large families on farms was normal. The kids were great and well loved.
Eastendbird 1 year ago
I had to stop reading this list halfway through because it was so awful.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
My friend told me that I was being dramatic when I told her about the time my dad dangled me off the fourth floor balcony when I was in 2nd grade because she was sent out of the house to take a walk one time when her mom was mad at her
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago (edited)
But was she "sent out of the house to take a walk" from the fourth floor? Because that would have an impact.
Load More Replies... Lea S. 7 months ago
I was working my first job at 18 (I grew up very rural, no jobs except inconsistent babysitting). I was getting rides from the college campus (where I lived in the dorms) to my job. I worked with a 15 year old in the afternoons. After we'd worked together a few months she realized someone would always come to pick me up/drop me off. She was flabbergasted. She couldn't comprehend why I was getting rides. I said, I don't have a car. I'm saving up for one - hence the job. She blinked and said...why don't you just go get one right now? *facepalm*
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
These types of list makes me want to play Slipknot's People = Sh*t on an endless loop. I know some may seem innocent enough but jeez -_-"
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Female child social service worker said to me while I tried to tell her me and my 10 and 12 yo daughters just needed some time off from job and school, for taking care of myself and my daughters who were sexually assaulted by their own father: "I'm sure you know most of sexually abused child victims don't survive the ordeal, because the abuser usually kill them in order to not be discovered, your girls are both alive and well, so you should be GRATEFUL and actually start acting like a RESPONSIBLE parent and go immediately back to work and girls to school or else I wont rest until the family judge get the girls custody revoked from you". After hearing this I realized there is no hope for humanity and i understood why so many desperate mothers take their own lifes along with their children's lifes too. Humanity is not a value and people don't understand about compassion or empathy.
Toujin C'Thlu 1 year ago
Please tell me she got fired. I can't believe that people like this are social workers...
Load More Replies... "Disembodied voice" 1 year ago
I honestly didn't realize how many horrible people were in my life until I was sexually assaulted. The amount of comments I got when I tried to talk about it were horrible. Things like "You're a guy. So you must have enjoyed it." Or "Well women are more likely to be assaulted, so it's fair". A lot of people out there are awful.
Marnie 1 year ago
That makes me SO SAD to hear that, for you and any men who have been on the receiving end of such treatment. I hope you found a way to get support, despite those horrible people.
Load More Replies... Liz The Biz 1 year ago
When I was still married to my ex-husband I told my mother that I was planning on leaving him because he beat me up and left me black and blue regularly. She said I was "talking rubbish" because he was always nice in frint of her and she'd never seen any cuts or bruises on me (he always left my face alone and I always wore trousers and long sleeved tops to hide it because I didn't want any awkward questions or any further trouble). After he had beaten me for the very last time and I had found the courage to leave him for good, I took photos of my battered and bruised body. When I showed her I said, "Now do you believe me?" Her reply, "Oh well I never really liked him anyway."
Marnie 1 year ago
My cousin died when she was 19 in a car accident. Still makes me sad 40 years later. My aunt had a total of 13 kids (two were twins including the one who died). Someone cam up to my aunt at the funeral and said, "Well, it's a good thing you have so many other kids," as if my aunt loved this daughter less because she had "spares". And I know 13 kids would be an abomination now, but at the time large families on farms was normal. The kids were great and well loved.
Eastendbird 1 year ago
I had to stop reading this list halfway through because it was so awful.
Stardust she/her 1 year ago
My friend told me that I was being dramatic when I told her about the time my dad dangled me off the fourth floor balcony when I was in 2nd grade because she was sent out of the house to take a walk one time when her mom was mad at her
Thanos'Fingers 1 year ago (edited)
But was she "sent out of the house to take a walk" from the fourth floor? Because that would have an impact.
Load More Replies... Lea S. 7 months ago
I was working my first job at 18 (I grew up very rural, no jobs except inconsistent babysitting). I was getting rides from the college campus (where I lived in the dorms) to my job. I worked with a 15 year old in the afternoons. After we'd worked together a few months she realized someone would always come to pick me up/drop me off. She was flabbergasted. She couldn't comprehend why I was getting rides. I said, I don't have a car. I'm saving up for one - hence the job. She blinked and said...why don't you just go get one right now? *facepalm*
SheamusFanFrom1987 1 year ago
These types of list makes me want to play Slipknot's People = Sh*t on an endless loop. I know some may seem innocent enough but jeez -_-"
You May Like 37 Popular “Bucket List” Items That People Who’ve Tried Them Say You Should Absolutely Avoid “This Man Was A Literal Child”: 76 Times Men Assumed They Knew More Than Women
Monika Pašukonytė
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Related on Bored Panda
