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Someone Asked “What Is Something You Say To Scammers Instead Of Hanging Up?” And 50 People Gave The Best Responses
According to a recent report by Truecaller, around 68.4M Americans (26%) have fallen victim to a phone scam in the past 12 months. While the numbers are rising, so is awareness, as some of the biggest scams in America are continually exposed in the media to prevent people from falling for fraud. In fact, people opt for various ways of dealing with scammers. Most hang up, others download robocall blocker apps, and, well, some give them a taste of their own medicine.
A while back, someone asked the Ask Reddit community, "What is something you say to scammers instead of hanging up?" Over 15K people jumped on the thread to share their experiences replying to scammers. From funny replies to scammers to scammers getting pranked themselves, people shared how to reply to scammers in many original ways. Hanging up is one way of reacting; however, taking time to respond is, in fact, doing a public service. Sure, you might be wasting your time, but at the same time, you are wasting scammers', meaning less time to find more victims to prey on.
Below, we've compiled some of the best replies from the thread featuring people pranking scammers themselves. Make sure to upvote the responses to scammers you enjoyed the most, and let us know whether you reply to scammers!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"My grandfather let them do their whole speech for about 20 minutes. He then told them he didn't have his hearing aid in and asked if they could repeat it all. They hung up immediately."
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
I never have had one where they didn't expect engagement upfront that would have made it clear if you could hear or not. I hate that 'how are you today' nonsense which instantly makes it clear what type of call it is.. So, I've started telling them how I am in teeny tiny detail.
Alexandria Z 2 years ago
I feel horrible. I have a pain in my foot that goes all the way up to my head. I feel like I'm going to puke all the time and I sit on the toilet for hours. I can't eat and my fingers hurt. There's more but How are you ? OH yeah, I feel faint and black out lots ummmm other than that I feel cr..py. Something like that ? LOL
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Cora C 2 years ago
Grandpa got a call saying his son was under arrest. "You keep him, he disappoints me." grandpa replied, in front of his son (i.e. my father).
Julia Mckinney 2 years ago
My reply to the call saying my "grandson" had an accident and needed money for treatment was asking my 2 daughters, very loudly, which of them gave birth and didn't tell me and then asking the caller if maybe my husband had a child and then a grandson and hadn't told me? They stayed on the line for a bit, trying to convince me but gave up after the question about my husband's child.
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PartlyCloudy 2 years ago
Reminds me of my late father. He replied to a magazine salesman on the phone, that he would subscribe, but he can't read magazines because he's blind. Which he of course wasn't. And another time two young Jehovah's witness women rang the doorbell, he opened and said come again when the wife isn't at home. Made them really uncomfortable I guess, because they never came back 😅
C .Hunger 2 years ago
The only thing that works is to say, "Pleas put me on your do not call list." Sure they will hang up, but the phone number will still be there, and another scammer or telemarketer will see it on their list, and try again.
tl gmc 2 years ago
This works for real companies, unfortunately scammers don't care
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the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago
HAHAHAHAAAA he'd make a very good internet troll had he been born in my generation XD
RELATED:
#2
"Had a very pushy insurance salesman want my address so he could meet me in person to better show the value of his products or some nonsense. I gave him the address of a brothel. Got an angry call back a couple of days later saying that I gave him the wrong address. I told him I thought he was looking for someone to screw over and then hung up on him."
Tenacious Squirrel 2 years ago
I doubt scammers take the time to call people back about wrong addresses.
Nichole Harris 2 years ago
I regularly answer spam calls with Harris white house how can we service you
#3
"Depends on the scam call. Recently I’m getting a lot of “we’re calling in regards to your recent car accident” I relied on “how dare you! I died in that accident!”"
Henry Russell 2 years ago
be respectful to dead people dont be deadist. alive and dead we are the same
Chez2202 2 years ago
I’m getting the text message a lot saying hi mum. Broke my phone. Using a friend’s phone to message you. If you reply they keep texting until they ask you to pay a bill into a certain account number. My reply was ‘I have 13 children and 8 of them have mobile phones. Which one are you?’ I only have one child who was sat next to me on their phone when I got the message.
Carrie de Luka 2 years ago
🤣 Like your response. I had that one as well, was a popular one before Christmas. Though this is the advice given for scam texts: "Replying to a text scam can be risky even if you know it is a scam, as the scammer may simply aim to confirm the owner of the number they have texted. You can in some instances incur charges simply for replying to the text. It also verifies that your phone number is active and that you are willing to open such messages, which may lead to an increase in the unsolicited text messages you receive."
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Blue Mar 2 years ago
I had exactly the same talk and guy asked me-so how are we talking now? I said-Im actually dead and talking from another side. The scammer realised that I'm not being serious so he started swearing like "suck my +ick" so I said - sorry,no one want to suck your +ick, have to do it by yourself. He hung up. I kind of like scammers, always good talk :)
Anita Hegedus 2 years ago
When I got the car accident scam call the 5th time in a week, I started to cry on the phone telling them I lost my whole family and and and more crying and I miss them so much, it was all my uncle's fault etc... they stayed silent and listened for a long time saying sorry then when uncle got involved they hung up. No calls since
CultOfBambi 2 years ago
I've blamed the aliens that were trying to abduct me for causing the accident....click.
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HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago (edited)
I said ‘Hello, do you need a toilet seat?’ When a scammer called. He continued, so I said really loudly ‘you’re the one who stole money and cheese from your best friend, huh?’ And prayed he had his device volume as high as possible 😂 random stuff works best
Rob Williams 2 years ago
"We can get you several thousands of pounds after your recent accident" "Really? It was only a cheap pair of underpants…"
#4
"Scammer was Indian, I'm Indian, I put on my Indian accent then accused him of putting on a bad fake Indian accent to make fun of me and told him he should be ashamed of himself. It was a few seconds of fun."
the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago (edited)
mild tw // social issues --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- only tangentially related but: who else is sick of basic white boys being casually racist, memes being full of benign or hateful transphobia, homophobia, racism and sexism and desensitizing us to everything going on around us? cause i am, and i mostly grew up with the internet and it's freaky how the way I feel and think about things has changed. and i feel even worse for gen alpha cause they never even saw the wholesome cat pics side of the internet. can you say "brainwashing"?
the vintage macaroon (she/her) 2 years ago (edited)
can we be friends, bro? like, u basically spoke what i was just feeling right now, replying to @Someone who sarcastically said "nice he/him pronouns" to a person who clearly identifies as a girl. it doesn't matter what's in ur pants; u should be loved all the same. even if u aren't, ur loved by me. geez, can't people stop being so transphobic, homophobic, racist, & sexist? just let people do their own thing & identify however they wish.
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#5
"Just start chanting in Latin. Most hang up quickly. One begged me not to curse her family."
Waddling Land Fish (She/her) 2 years ago
I advise chanting nonsense and throwing in words like Devil and Demone
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Christopher Bowers 2 years ago
Say "meus cattus est pinguis adipem meus cattus" which means, "my cat is fat fat is my cat".
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
someone I know just repeats what they say. It pisses them off, but it takes them like 3 attempts to realise what's going on.
April Stephens 2 years ago
My friend used to have a career she liked better, but due to a traumatic brain injury and a long, horrible illness, she had to downgrade to something easier: receiving calls at a help desk (and she's still struggling). Fortunately, she's not a telemarketer doing cold calls. But anyway, one morning, she had a lady call her doing a stunt like this. The caller cursed my friend with bad health--long, rambling curses, and my friend wasn't allowed to argue or hang up. She would have lost her job because she's already had warnings for mistakes she makes due to the brain injury. It terrified and deeply upset my friend to be trapped in that position. I talked her down afterwards until she was finally calm enough to, I hope, eat some dinner. Anyway, telemarketing is scummy, so I think it's justifiable to poke a bit of fun at cold callers, but please just remember that they're human beings, too, before you take it toooo, too far.
Bleble BlebleBla 2 years ago
Finally, I can make use of that Latin I took in Uni, with that horridly strict professor!
Elizabeth Tayler 2 years ago
My dad used to get calls about duct inspections, he would act confused and explain he didn't own any ducks...
Rowan_the_raging_raven 2 years ago
Dont worry you can curse mine... wait I don't know who's my family... c**p
Endishere 2 years ago
For those who want to adopt this, here some lines: PATER NOSTER (silent for a while), qui es in caelis, sanctificetur nomen tuum (a bit whisper here) Adveniat regnum tuum (more whisper). Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra (all of sudden, raise your voice). Panem nostrum quotidianum da nobis hodie (a bit of yell, if you like), et dimitte nobis debita nostra (hold your breath) sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris. -- well no need to continue at this point! LOL Et ne nos inducas in tentationem, sed libera nos a malo - should have an end here It is just THE LORD PRAYER, no harms done LOL
Jackie Wacky 2 years ago
Thank you! I’m going to note this down for later use 😁
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"You've reached the FBI telephone fraud division, how may I help you?"
Taibhse Sealgair 2 years ago
I've done similar. Smith County Sheriff's Office. What's your emergency? Usually only works on fellow Americans, though.
Jelo Alconaba 2 years ago
Someone did that and showed it on Youtube. But instead of the FBI he said he is from the CIA Fraud division. Mind you, the guy has a great low voice.
Abigail Snyder 2 years ago
Scammer: Ah shoot! I thought this was a taco bell! I was gonna scam the chalupas right out of their hands!
AbsintheMinded 2 years ago (edited)
They did that to some cops in my country. They didn’t realize they were speaking to the chief, & she just led them on for like half an hour 😂the scammers “names” were Mr. Brown & Mr. White, 😂
Mickie Shea 2 years ago
I love it and remind us all that it usually illegal to impersonate an officer of the law.
#7
"I once got a scammer to say "I love you too." It was one of those resort/vacation calls and I kept him in the line for his whole spiel. When he asked who else would be vacationing with me, I asked if he would go with me. I was like, ”It will save on airfare because you're already there.” Ended up with him saying he had to end the call and I was like, ”Okay. I love you.” And he reflexively goes ” I love you too". The high point of my life."
the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago
this is so sweet im grinning like a maniac in the middle of class and everyone is probably like "wtf is wrong with this kid" lmao
Margaret H 2 years ago
I'd sure like to be there if their boss listened to the taped conversation!
#8
"Mr. Smashing Stuff, I'm calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn't your fault."
"Oh it wasn't an accident, I meant to hurt those people."
The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a 'manager' is like a crack to me."
Linda Riebel 2 years ago
These suggestions would be fun if you could be sure to get the person who gets all the money from paying s**t wages to the actual calling people.
#9
"I whisper into the mic to make them turn the volume on their headsets up then suddenly start yelling."
HelluvaHedgehogAlien 2 years ago
Did you yell ‘YA STOLE CHEESE FROM YOUR FRIENDS? THAT WAS HORRIBLE’ and listen for the screams as he was beaten up by others who happened to be around, for the dreaded crime of stealing precious cheese?
#10
"I have two things I do. 1) I try to sell them WiFi. I personally have nothing to do with internet services. But I can guarantee that my services are the cheapest in town and seeing as how you called me you must be interested. Now before you think “man I’m really not gonna get as good a deal as I’d like.” I can promise no buffers and high-quality streaming at a fraction. Yes, you heard it a fraction of what you currently are paying, if you just give me your first and last name we can get the ball rolling. No one has ever lasted that one.
2) in a very heavy southern accent. “Now the lord spoke to me today and he told me that I’d be bringing another one of his lambs that had been led astray back into the flock, I’m gonna open this conversation with a prayer real quick.” Most people hang up. Some and very few last through my 10-minute prayer. After that, I go straight into asking about their addictions and why the lord is telling me about how their browser history is causing demons to enter their home."
Detective Miller's Hat 2 years ago
Number 2 is my go-to for the Jehovah's Witnesses that like to come around a few times a year. My parents are born again Christian fundies, I can out-Jesus any of the JWs.
Joshua 1 year ago
Growing up we had a not-so-shy pony that would grab them by their skirt and pull them around the yard. We didn’t get many JWs stopping by after that. 😂
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Catte West 2 years ago
Before spam calls, while living in California we were constantly approached by "religious" groups as we left the local grocery. My the husband discovered the way to stop them "No thanks," he would say. "I work for the other side."
A. Starhawk Hunt 2 years ago
A friend of mine, who wore Thor's hammer, accidentally scared off the Mormons once. He was busy when he heard the door, so he went and opened it. Mormons looked open-mouthed at the bare (skinny) chest and the 5' broadsword he was sharpening.........
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
If they get past that say you will purify them and start muttering in Latin or something
Toasted Applesauce 1 year ago
I'm Catholic so pulling out my Latin prayers would make the second one even more fun!
#11
"I always screech "welcome to shining dragon buffet you place an order" if they ask anything else I get angrier and go "YOU CALL SHINING DRAGON BUFFET, PLACE ORDER OR GET OFF MY PHONE". I'll probably get into trouble one day but its a lot of fun."
Autistic apricot 2 years ago
I hate to be this person but “you’re”. Sorry, it’s bugging me
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too indesicive to choose name 2 years ago
You sure you no want food? We make very good fried rice, very good. I make it with extra spam, just for you, perfect fo spam caller.
Detective Miller's Hat 2 years ago
One of my friends does this, and then she'll start ranting in Chinese. It's pretty hilarious to hear the confusion on the other side.
Anyone-for-tea? 2 years ago
I’d love to do this too, but how do you know it’s a scammer until you answer? So then you’ve lost the element of surprise!
Lupita Nyong'heaux 2 years ago
i have a samsung flip phone and it actually says "suspected spam" on the caller ID. lol
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Eleanor Cummings 2 years ago
My son says ' (Name)'s Mortuary; You stab them, we slab them! Quick hang-up.
#12
"Hello, sir. This is the Microsoft Office. We're calling to inform you that your computer is infected with a virus."
"My computer?"
"Yes, sir. And if you do not take steps to correct it we will be forced to shut down your system remotely."
"Which one?"
"What?"
"Which computer? I have a couple."
"The one running Microsoft Windows."
"They all run Microsoft Windows."
"Yes, well, I am showing they are all infected." (you can literally hear him salivate.)
"So you're monitoring my systems right now?"
"Yes."
"Despite the fact that doing so is a violation of multiple federal laws?"
*Click*
OneHappyPuppy 2 years ago
Ooh I had this exact call, can't say I one-upped him but I did get a kick out of trying to make him pinpoint which computer in my house was infected (any info - IP/MAC/what Win OS version it was running etc) it was hilarious until he was fed up and hung up
MotorcycleDoggo 2 years ago
I had that call, he was trying to get me to run a program so he could remote control my computer and "fix" it. I kept him online for over half an hour before mentioning I had an Apple, instant hang up.
Sophia Pandia de Delphia 8 months ago (edited)
I got the same call years ago and mildly panicked about the laptop I was currently on. By the time I figured it out, I simply told them no but I didn't end the call. They did with a line about how he hoped I lost everything on my laptop and I would regret for not doing this. Then he hung up on me before I could say anything else.
Load More Replies... censorshipsucks 2 years ago
my version was this: "Them: Sir we are calling about your infected microsoft computer. Me: I use a mac. Them :yes I want to clean the wirus. Me: I have a mac. Them: Yes I am calling from microsoft your windows has a wirus. Me: Ok microsoft you say? In california? Them: Yes sir in california. Me: Not redmond, washington? Them: Yes I am calling about the wirus on your computer. We need to access your windows to clean the wirus. Me: Ok where is your address in california? Them: Pause... Some rando address in cali. Me: I just checked on google street view, that is a house." Them: hangs up.
Manic Mama 2 years ago
I tell the "Microsoft" scammers "Funny, all my computers are Apple" ... click
DC 2 years ago
These are among the most often used ones around here (germany). I usually try to keep them on the phone as long as possible ... "Yeah, starting up ... yeah, a little slow today, may that be from that virus?", as long as it goes before I do not hand over anything, or type in anything, or do anything granting anyone access to anything. I've kept one of them on the line for about 11 minutes, but mostly, it doesn't last that long.
Panda Kicki 2 years ago
I made a lot of noise and yelled "I have a baby, I cant have a virus in the house " pretending to yeet the computer out the window.
#13
"Me - do you believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ? Them - yes
Me - he wants you to quit calling."
Donkey boi 2 years ago
If they say no: Then allow me teach you His good word. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters....
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
Me - Do you believe in our lord and savour Jesus Christ Them - yes Me - he says you should give me one hundred bucks
#14
"I once saw caller ID (landline days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a “tough” voice, without saying hello I asked, “Is he dead?” And about a beat and a half later I said, “Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.” Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, “Um, uh, uh Bye!” Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine."
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
I used to have fun responding but once you answer the phone, you’ve confirmed that it’s a working number and they sell it.
#15
"I keep them on the phone for as long as humanly possible. I switch up the conversation, ask questions, stray completely off topic, slip in a few personal questions and just do whatever I can do to waste as much of their time as I can. My personal record is over 15 minutes of useless conversation which ended with me trying to proposition the male caller for sex. (For the record, I am a straight male and I assume that the caller was also straight.) I've been able to get an Indian telemarketer named Allen or Alex to give me his real name and location, and one telemarketer to stray from the script and admit that like me, he's also tried drugs. In one instance I was able to get the caller to admit that she hated her job and was only doing it to put herself through school. As much as I despise getting calls, I also try to remind myself that they are human beings, doing a job that everyone hates them for, and they probably hate themselves. I figure, at least perhaps I'll give them something fun to talk about after they get off of work."
Alexander Izzo 2 years ago
yes. these fake calls suck, but they have lives, and families, and pets!
Pam Page 2 years ago
A broker got the telephone numbers of a bunch of engineers working for Westinghouse during the 80's. He made the rounds and finally called my husband. He spent 45 minutes on the phone answering my husband's questions and giving his spiel. He then asked my husband how much he had to invest and my husband replied zero. The broker got mad and said "why are you wasting my time". My husband's answer was "you called me, I didn't call you."
Just Jeff 2 years ago
What they do is not a job. It's fraud and harms way too many victims. Everyone hates them for committing the crime.
too indesicive to choose name 2 years ago
This is for telemarketers, not scammers
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Isaac Harvey 2 years ago (edited)
This is almost exactly what I ended up doing (albeit via text) with a representative from Gryska Agencies, and another from VectorApply. Both interactions eventually evolved into something like this: them: “Still there?” Me: “There is subjective. For you, it’s where I am. For me, it’s where you are.” Them: “What time works best for you?” Me: “Time is relative. There is no future or past. There is only now.” … “Which time works better?” “Yes.”
Fred Dains 2 years ago
I used to be a telemarketer for a while in my early 20s, and I have to admit that the drugs are almost a prerequisite for the job, man. We know just how much most people hate us, and yes, you eventually begin to hate yourself. It's impossible to not feel like you're just the worst type of person possible, and the people you call aren't usually very friendly. I really appreciate your warmer reception of these people who are really just trying to scratch out a meager living like the rest of you are. You're a real hero!
#16
"If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. "You are calling a tent, did you know this?" If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches."
Betty Walker 2 years ago
had a call about my WINDOWS, me--oh i just got new windown , 5 min of praising me new windows,,no no mam, not that type of windows, not windows and doors..me--oh i got a new door too etc etc, finally no no mam its an operating system..me..they showed me how to operate them , they tilt in to clean etc etc finally NO NO ITS FOR YOUR COMPUTER, ME--WHAT COMPUTER? DONT CALL OLD PEOPLE WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
FusterCluck 2 years ago
Any unsolicited sales calls get the same spiel I got from an old work colleague Sales: Can I interest you in (whatever product/service)? Me: Maybe but first can I ask you a question? Sales: Yes, of course Me: When you want a haircut what do you do? Sales: er… I go to the hairdressers/barbers, why? Me: Exactly! You don’t sit at home waiting for the hairdresser to call on the off chance you might need a trim. When I want (whatever product/service) I’ll give you a call. I’ve got your number.
Sandra Morison 2 years ago
My son went "round his his property" pretending to be counting the windows for the free windows as long as we use photos/video call and told the man he need 47 Windows and that was an amazing offer when could they come ...........funny they never called back
Stacey Rae 2 years ago
I had a window company call me several times. I told them to stop but they wouldn't so I set up an appt. Wasted their time and I didn't get another call.
Kathleen R. 2 years ago
If they are calling about windows and doors, or HVAC, or roofing, etc. you simply have to tell them you RENT. I DO rent, and I will talk over them to tell them that and they hang up on me in mid sentence. --- On a side note, if you don't want to talk to Jehovah Witnesses, telling them that you are Catholic gets the same instant response. I am not Catholic, but I don't want to be rude, or bother with listening to them, so I just say I am Catholic and they move on.
#17
"My new thing is to heavily troll them for as long as possible. If they're going to waste my time with endless calls, well then I'm going to do the same. Here's a good one - I recently encountered a very low-tech health insurance scam that used an actual phone line and not a spoof. I called them back literally over 1000 times for two days straight and eventually got to the main person. He actually pleaded for me to stop calling and apologized profusely, lol it was very satisfying."
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This one I started citing our privacy laws and told them they are in violation. Gave verse and chapter and subsection. They hung up really fast.
Detective Miller's Hat 2 years ago
I've lost track of the number of scammers I've signed up for white supremacist newsletters.
Loonie Toonie 2 years ago
I would keep calling after that just to torment them and have some fun.
#18
"I can't talk right now, I'm actually here to rob the place."
Henry Russell 2 years ago
cool then you need the crowbar 2000. it makes breaking into places easier and quicker
karen snyder 2 years ago
This is a fun way to invite law enforcement over for a quick search and interview.
Huntress Catteneo 2 years ago
I would add "so they have a computer here then, do you know what else they have?"
#19
“HELLO, caller number two! You’re on with The Sturge at numbitty 902 WA3DFM. What do you have to say about the Lizard Illuminati?”
Greg Baughman 2 years ago
See, I just do "You're caller number 5! What do you think the mystery question answer is?" (But, I also have a great radio voice. :D )
Donna Gettings Apperson 2 years ago
I have done the "you are the x caller!" thing. I've also said, several times, "What time are you coming to do the windows?" or cut the grass. It causes a pause and then a "what?"
#20
"I usually get the duct cleaning guys calling so I will just yell out to my wife and ask if the ducks need to be cleaned. I will respond back that we are good. They will keep pressing and I will keep playing on them eventually I will be like the ducks are cleaned but if they have any fix for the quacking that would help. The call ends right after."
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
I have a friend who owns a sheep farm. He tells them his ducks get clean everyday swimming in the pond, but he sure could use some help with the sheep right before shearing time. That wool has to be completely clean or he can’t sell it and then he’ll go broke. Can they help out with that? Do they know anybody who could help out with that.
too indesicive to choose name 2 years ago (edited)
If you ever wanna mix it up, start quacking and in a Donald Duck impression, act offended like "How dare you! Are you saying I stink?! Or that I'm too stupid to bath myself just cause I'm a duck!"
#21
"I pretend to be the dumbest guy in the world.
Them - “You should update your home's security”
Me - “Like how?”
Them - “A camera on the front door is a good st..”
Me (interrupts) - “Front door? My front door is on the side of my house. How will that work? Do you have a side door camera?”
Them - “Yes sir of course. We have many dif...”
Me (interrupts again) - “PHEW! I have looked for so long for a side front door camera salesman. You, sir, are my savior. Are you married?”
crazy_stupid 2 years ago
Used to get a lot of calls from salesmen selling double-glazed windows. I'd stop them quickly and ask if they were selling windows. When they said yes, I would say thanks, but windows came with the house. Got them every time!
Cuppa tea? 2 years ago
I prefer an Mac instead of Windows (not really, actually the other way round).
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Unnamed Hooman 2 years ago
My mom plays dumb, they said “Please open windows” she opened the window and said “okay, the window is open.” “No, on your computer.” “You’re so funny! Computers don’t have windows they have screens!” The reason she actually opened the window is because it is very squeaky so you can hear it
Pam Page 2 years ago
I kept getting calls about student loan debt relief. I begged them to stop calling as I graduated in the stone age. When my pleas failed I decided to prank the agent by explaining that I had so much debt that I can't even begin to calculate it. They then asked when I graduated and I proudly stated "1975". They hung up and I haven't heard from them since.
Carrie Cole 2 years ago (edited)
#13....I absolutely LOVE your way of hitting the scammers in the teeth!! I almost peed myself I was laughing so much. A Side Door Camera! That's the BEST!! 😅😘🙂
Mickie Shea 2 years ago
We here, in "Paradise Found" only have rear slider doors for an entrance. What shall I buy?
#22
"You’ve reached your local morgue, you slice ‘em, we dice ‘em. How can we help you?"
Henry Russell 2 years ago
hello welcome to timmys pizzaeria where yesterdays loss is todays sauce how can i help you
Mike Beck 2 years ago
Billy Bob's Pizzeria and Taxidermy! Enjoy your pet one last time! Actually printed this on a business card once and put it in one of those "business card drawing/raffle things" once.
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NY Redneck 2 years ago (edited)
"Hector's abortion clinic, no fetus can beat us! How can I help you?" And yeah, I know...here come the down votes, but it gets the job done. There actually more to it, but I'm not gonna push my luck.
Fluffy mommy panda 2 years ago
Yes a side of road kill armadillo and tire skid possum
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Christian Laurendine 2 years ago
Hi you've reached jack's mortuary, where you kill it and we grill it, how can i help you Thank you for calling joes sperm bank, you jack it and we pack it, what may i do you for?
Joshie.Bean 2 years ago
I always say "Welcome to Marco's taco shop and funeral home where yesterday's grief is today's beef, how may I help you today"
Donkey boi 2 years ago
You have reached [City name]'s crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em.
Nathaniel Badger 2 years ago
Welcome to Tim's road kill diner You kill'em we grill'em how may I help you?
#23
"I used to get a lot of “home security” calls offering alarm systems and cameras. I would of course ask all the curious questions and then lead them to believe I was using the alarm system and cameras to keep people inside the house."
Henry Russell 2 years ago
dont want them escaping again am i right then i have to go through all the hassle of grabbing them and putting bear traps at the top
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
Oh geez, mess around and get FBI called to your house while you're in your underwear 🤣
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
It’s so expensive to by lava to place in ground of the door to keep them in, are you saying this is just as effective
#24
"I got the IRS call on my day off one day while sitting on the porch. You know the deal. If you don't get X amount of Visa Gift Cards the police will come etc. So I stayed in the line for like an hour playing dumb- like saying which target do I shoot to get the gift cards cuz I'm at the gun range, do I have to drive or can I order online, etc- then since my morning coffee had begun to do its work and it was getting hot outside? So the guy once again told me if I don't comply the cops will come. I say send them. He says oh no, all we need is 2k or whatever it was. I say no again, and this time he tells me the police are on the way. I say where I can see the local station from my house. I'm told they are undercover (why? It's an IRS thing but I digress). I tell him since they aren't here I'll just go turn myself in and that I'm walking there. Cue panic on the other line. Saying everything he can to get me to go to Target (even Walmart works now!), I tell him too late just got to the station (bathroom), and that I'm gonna put him on with the desk clerk so they know how to book me. The dude hung up immediately. Which was a bummer, cuz I was about to pull out a wicked Boston accent and play dirty cop. But instead, I continued with the coffees work.
corgiobsessed00 2 years ago
almost fell for the IRS one they woke me up from a nap on my day off. about had a mental breakdown.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
If you have a tax problem, the IRS does not call. It's all by letter. And they never accept gift guards. (When I worked for the IRS, a woman I was auditing did offer me a "gift", but there was no card involved.)
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Tina Harnish 2 years ago
I'm a Canadian. I've gotten those threatening calls about the IRS. We deal with the CRA. They add that if I don't pay, they'll send the U.S. Marshall's after me. I'm still waiting...
#25
"I only do this if I'm at home... I scream. They stop talking..when they start talking again I scream again. "Sir are you okay?!" "I'm taking a sh*t and I swear it's coming out sideways! Oh god please keep talking it helps!" Then repeat steps one and two until they hang up."
PiscesInTheWild 2 years ago
I'm supposed to be doing work, not cackling at this maniacally like some insane old fool. BUT IT'S TOO FUNNY
AbsintheMinded 2 years ago (edited)
Put the phone by your coffee maker while it’s in use. No need to go to the washroom & pretend to use it. The coffee machine sounds the same. I’ll just leave the phone there & walk away.
NotALazyPanda 1 year ago
NOTMLYING U CAN WAY WHAT EVER U WANT U CAN DOWNVOTE ME IN 7Y/O AND I JUST PEED MY PANTS BY LAUGHING I CAN GOD PROMISE I WOKE UP MY MOM AT 1AM LIKE 10MINS B4 TO HELP
SaneMinotaur (she/her) 2 years ago
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85nKdbX1NO4 (Austin Powers poop scene)
#26
"I sometimes try to sell them stuff. I once spent 45 minutes on a slow day at work trying to sell a 120 kg vibrator to some dude."
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
Always Be Closing - the ABCs of sales
Load More Replies... Abigail Strong 2 years ago (edited)
For the people who are too lazy to look it up, this guy was trying to sell a 264 POUND VIBRATOR. OH MY GOD.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Hahaha ha 🤣🤣🤣 I just came from work where I'm constantly doing lb/kg conversions and for whatever reason my brain did not make the connection about weight (US so usually i think in lbs) and was here thinking "why do they know the weight of a vibrator?" Thinking sex toys here and then I read your weight conversion and thought "wow is it a King Kong ding dong and they're just being cheeky?". It finally clicked that its probably not a sex toy
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Margaret H 2 years ago
Oh, lord! I do hope that's a concrete vibrator/compactor, not a bloomin' monstrous pleasure machine!
#27
"Shouting in Arabic mostly get them pretty scared."
Zedrapazia 2 years ago
That also works if they start speaking English and you answer in angry German. If they show up speaking German, do Swiss German. They won't understand it
Auntriarch 2 years ago
It's amazing how threatening the words to the eSwatini national anthem sound when yelled
Crazy Cookie 2 years ago
Refer to previous post to see that Latin works too. Potes dicere usus sum in website translationem facere ut credas i aliquem latinum scivisse? probabiliter. ego sum nimis taedium pro mea bona See. So scaaarrrryyy
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
" I no pay ... I put f***ing bomb under you f***ing house and blow you up ...f***ing ! " Comes from an old Aussie comedy movie " The Castle ". Hilarious.
RoanTheMad 2 years ago
I wonder if it works in Romanian. Just start screaming "TIMPUL PENTRU UNT DE ARAHIDE CU JELEU" or something just as insultingly nonsensical :')
#28
"Flip the script on them. Hello, thank you for returning our call. We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty."
Cuppa tea? 2 years ago
No, I AM calling about your cars extended warranty, don't try any scam on me here pal.
Jan Schweikert 2 years ago
I did that once. He actually took me seriously for a few minutes and answered my questions about his car. My family was laughing so hard!
#29
"I ask them to confirm my information for security purposes. Breaks their script and they don't know what to say!"
Hawk4scythe 2 years ago
I have done this before the floundering for a line afterwards is so funny
Elizabeth Butler 2 years ago
I just ask, what's this about? and they don't know what to say, it's off script. One floundered " uh, I'm fine too."
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Jon Rindfleisch 2 years ago
I ask them for as much of their contact/personal info as I can dream of. Starting with full spelled out name contact number with extension, employee number, supervisors full name. And if they are still on the line then I go after personal info , like age height weight any interesting hidden tattoos sleeping habits do they dream in color ...
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Here they are not technically allowed to ask for any of that stuff so I ask them to prove they are who they say they are. I ask for a full name, a landline extension, company name, and switchboard number. I say if I call the switchboard and your extension is bogus and you don't work there, I'm reporting this call to the cops for wire fraud.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
Had a collection agency call and tell me I owed $2400 to XYZ hospital (which is actually where I had my hip relaced, but I had already paid the $150 my insurance didn't cover). Now, I'm a professional bookkeeper and keep immaculate records. I told this idiot that by law I had a right to contest this accusation and that they would have to send me documentation to prove their claims. They sent me a really fake looking "statement" from the hospital. I called them and explained that I would need an itemized invoice on hospital letterhead. Another statement, another phone call. This went on for about 6 months until they finally gave up.
Invisible_Being_Me 2 years ago
They can never pronounce my name correctly. One time it sounded like they said, "May I speak with...Mizz Sh shithand?! Yeah this is her and I pronounce it just like they did. I get asked to spell my name out loud. Of course I spell out S H I T (and say you know like poop) H A N D (like give a high five with) They almost chuckled and I start to pretend to cry saying how I got bullied and picked on in school because of my name. They feel so bad they hang up. My last name is Sheehan 🤦
#30
"I wait 15-20 seconds in complete silence then let out the loudest god-awful screech I can manage and listen to them scramble to take off their headset in complete panic."
Monday 2 years ago
If I lived somewhere isolated I'd love to start the call normally, listen to what they have to say... and then scream "OH GOD NO!" , drop the phone, bang on pots and pans all while screaming "PLEASE DON'T! NO" until they hang up.
Detective Miller's Hat 2 years ago
LOL I do this too, it's so much fun. Except the time I accidentally did it to my insurance adjuster.
CrazyCatLady 2 years ago
Sounds like something I would do lol. I already do sometimes just randomly…
Chad Olin 12 months ago
I have one of those little air horns by my chair. I blast them and have had quite a few VERY colorful responses and some pretty funny, like "Holy #@#&, what was that?" I can also mimic various accents and dialects, so I can copy the caller near perfect. That always confuses them. I can do sounds, too. A FAX machine or the clicking used when calls are being recorded. They know that sound very well and always hang up!! Such fun, too. My wife usually busts up laughing. Another favorite is the angry Chinese restaurant owner, demanding they place NOW!!
Audrey Martin 1 year ago
A police whistle has the same effect! (Microsoft scammer.... I feel just the teensiest bit guilty)
#31
"Are you touching yourself too?"
Damon Smithwick 2 years ago
I did this one once. She asked me if I was wearing anything and wanted me to describe it. Then told me what she was about to do on her end. Not going to lie. It was hot.
Helen Bennett 2 years ago
Eeew... as a previous poster said, some poor saps doing telemarketing don't want to be there either, but are desperate for money. This obvs does not apply to blatant scammers.
Dumpsterbaby 2 years ago
I do that also. I tell them to talk faster than have them slow down. I tell them I'm almost there don't stop
#32
"Just to let you know, by law I'm required to inform you that this is a premium phone line that will be billed directly to your provider. By calling here you agree to accept all charges. Something like that not only gets them to hang up, but they tend to stop calling me after that."
#33
"I usually go for "The person you are calling is deceased and their death is currently part of an ongoing investigation. Please stay on the line as we may need to jot down your personal information." My grandmother picks up every call even when she knows it's a scammer, but she usually just says "Not interested." And hangs up. Showed her my way of doing it one time and she thought I was a crazy person."
Bill Swallow 2 years ago
Try "The number you are calling from is not serviced by the telephone company."
Sara Harvilla 2 years ago
My mother gets lots of "Hi, Grandma" calls. She usually asks, "Are you in jail again?" That usually leads to a hang-up.
#34
"I usually respond with: "Is it your first day?"
"On the job?"
"No, on Earth."
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
No, it’s my second day on earth, I’m from Pluto, and yes IT IS A PLANET
#35
"I was like 8-10 years old and had someone call asking if I was a homeowner. Had them on the phone for 5 minutes straight having them repeatedly explain what a homeowner is. They hung up, I was so proud."
Dana Ondráčková 2 years ago
Asked me simmilar thing And happily wanting to buy all of my properties. I let him speak, then Said "dude, I am 18 yo broke a*s student, I dont even own a car"
CrazyCatLady 2 years ago
I’d say “Finally! People have been saying that the house is haunted and stuff… It’s not like a serial killer hiding bodies of their victims in the basement suddenly makes it haunted! Oh, but btw there are some bodies that need disposing of…”
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Judy Reynolds 2 years ago
The carpet cleaning people got my daughter - she said she would have to go look whether we had carpets for them to clean. The caller waited through 5 minutes of her search, then said "You're not an adult, are you?"
#36
"My dad used to get a lot of Viagra salesman. So he pleads with them to stop sending free samples because he's too hard all the time and can't live his life."
smolspeedycats 2 years ago
I don't think the joke was intentional. Maybe I'm evil, but does anyone see the same thing in this comment?
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I filled out a fake profile online so I could check my sister's for her. I still (20 years later!) get emails for Hot Russian Girls, Viagra etc. I'm pleased so many people are concerned about my penis.
#37
"Is this what you wanted to be when you grew up?"
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
Last scammer I got, I just said "you should be ashamed of yourself" in a tired voice and hung up.
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
Scammer: I always dreamed of scamming people, my dream since I was six
Mickie Shea 2 years ago
Yes, calling random folks is an ideal way to realize my dreams. Love your question
PandaRave 2 years ago
They are trying to scam people out of hundreds to thousands. Even the elderly! Think about mee-maw Beaubien!
Load More Replies... #38
"I tell them my name is Billy Madonna, and I drive a '93 Toyota Paseo. Then I start getting pissed when they tell me they actually CAN'T give me an extended warranty on my car. I mean, why can't you?! YOU called ME, and the machine SAID I could get an extended warranty. THAT IS FALSE ADVERTISING! LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR SUPERVISOR!"
Ryan Hailey 2 years ago
I say I am mark from Nebraska and that I am 58 and a corn farmer who has trouble using their phone
Kate Haslam 2 years ago
My 58-year-old cousin Mark in Nebraska not only has no trouble using his phone, he has GPS on all his farm equipment. I'm talking self-driving tractors. Okay, his name's not Mark and he's pushing 70, but he's more tech savvy than I am!
Load More Replies... Jon Rindfleisch 2 years ago
The craziest car warranty call I've had came just 15 minutes after I drove my brand NEW car home and took Mom for a ride. My phone rings and it's the first time I get to try out the Bluetooth, Hello this is the "Acme" insurance company calling about getting extended coverage for your car's soon to expire warranty... I yelled are you friggin nuts? Mom laughed ... In the past I've lead them on for as long as an hour before revealing I drive a 15 year old wreck with 300,000 Mike's.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Why did they say they can't give him a warranty? I mean, I know it's a scam, but what made them reveal it?
Khymm Weissbrodt 2 years ago
Toyota Paseo, that's gem quality! Nice choice! I had a young person going with the extended warranty on my Lexus LFA Nurburgring edition, told her the turbo chargers alone are $42,000 each, clutch replacement is an engine out event, those cost over $65k. Hung up and I've never had another call about extended warranty....must be my car choices?
#39
"My son always tells them "I have a belly button". Leaves them speechless."
Abigail Strong 2 years ago
Now say it in an excited deep man voice like you JUST figured it out.
Spack Jarrow 2 years ago
Will it help if I'll laugh for hours now so I can say it without laughing 🤣
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Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc 2 years ago
I knew someone who had her toddler son cry "Mama won't wake up!!! And the rug is really red now . . . she's gonna be so mad :'("
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Yasmin Janette 2 years ago
I had one cold caller (I am 80 yrs old disabled) Most people say that on the phone they do not believe i am 80 as I do not sound like it. they started their spiel I waited a few mins and said in a very old lady voice 'are you my friend?' pause and heard 'erm no', I let them carry on, then I said 'I had an egg for my breakfast', again pause and reply 'erm OK', once again i let them carry on, then I shouted loudly OH!!!, the man said 'sorry???' I said 'I have just wet myself'. He hung up and has never called back. RESULT
Seaweed Vibes 2 years ago
I'm sorry but belly button just struck me as being a very silly descriptor of my severed umbilical cord
#40
"I take a deep breath and let out a continuous raspberry. (fart noise with your tongue) for as long as I can. When I stop to take a breath I usually hear "..uh.. hello?" And then I take a big breath again and continue. No one has made it to two full raspberries before hanging up on me."
Libstak 2 years ago
Haha my Dad could fart loudly on command...he loved practising his skill on scammers. Passed away now, I miss him and his wacky humour.
Abigail Strong 2 years ago
Your Dad and his farts will forever be missed.
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#41
"Do you tell your friends and family you steal for a living?"
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
My dad said that to a scammer once and in his best "Dad voice" also asked if she was proud of herself. She hung up, and then a few seconds later he got a call back from some guy who screamed obscenities at him and immediately hung up. Maybe he was pissed because Dad upset his girlfriend or something. XD
AbsintheMinded 2 years ago
When I told buddy I knew it was a scam, the person replied with, “F**k you! F**k you!” And I just went, “EXCUSE ME?!” And he started apologizing. He knew he screwed up big time, & I hung up on him.
Load More Replies... Autistic apricot 2 years ago
I’ll be both if you want, I make epic pancakes
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Janice Geddes 2 years ago
I made one guy from the Middle East cry when I told him his mother would be so ashamed if she knew he was preying on senior citizens like me..
#42
"My dad once got a scam call at dinner saying he won a trip to Orlando or something similar. He replied with the biggest, most excited voice: "ORLANDO! I LOVE ORLANDO! THAT'S WHERE MICKEY IS!! I LOVE MICKEY!!" Then he hung up."
Andrei Marentette 2 years ago
this is when it gets confusing. Either, he believes it, or he's trying to make them think he does
#43
"My favorite one is to just go along with whatever they want, using fake names, then when they ask for my credit card number I tell them it's out in my car in the parking garage, and tell them I'll go grab it, then just put them on hold until they hang up. My longest-ever holder was almost a half hour."
Betta Fish 2 years ago
If they left a caller ID you could call back and then tell them you got the wrong card then do it again
M O'Connell 2 years ago
Most theft scams use a spoofed number. Most of those scammers are from parts of the world where they can bribe the phone company to put up whatever access credentials you want. That call is then washed through progressively less sketchy telco providers until it reaches one that the destination phone company allows to connect the call. Often the number that shows on the caller ID is a legitimate business who has nothing to do with the caller.
Load More Replies... AbsintheMinded 2 years ago (edited)
I’ve told scammers my credit card number is 123 456 789. They believed me until they asked for the expiry date which I told them was 00/00/00. That ended things pretty quickly.
Kelley Baltierra 2 years ago
"seven..." 'sir that's not a credit card number...' "pretty sure it is..."
Invisible_Being_Me 2 years ago
I've done similar to this but put them on speaker without them knowing. Then every so often I would say, " I'm sorry,are you still there? I can't seem to find it. I know it's around here somewhere. Please, just hold on and I'll look some more". I did this approximately 3 or 4 times. Each time sounding upset that I misplaced my card. Meanwhile in-between I could hear them talking to someone else saying," yo ,man, she's actually looking for her card." I found it amusing listening to them and also how their accent changed. I got bored after a while and hung up.
Grace Skerp 2 years ago
(Old lady voice) "Let me get my card. I think I left it with my car keys and readers.
Bob Connely 9 months ago
"I LOVE what I'm hearing from you! I REALLY wanna take advantage of your offer. Gimme your number so I can run out and get my credit card and call you right back."
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
Tell them yes, you're interested ( in whatever they're selling ) but something on the stove is just about to boil over and to hang on please. Leave the phone and go and watch TV.
#44
"My brother told me that he sometimes starts to purposely talk in broken English, as soon as he realizes that it’s a scammer. He would pretend to be very interested in whatever they were selling. Then just as it seemed like a sale was certain, he would start asking questions that showed that he really didn’t understand what was being offered for sale or what he has to pay. No matter how much the scammer tries to explain, my brother will at first appear to get it and then will continue not to understand. This goes on until the caller finally hangs up in frustration, sometimes cursing him out first."
Alexandria Z 2 years ago
HUH ? What did you just say ? Could you explain it in simple plain words...OH I get it. ummm No I don't. Could you explain in a different way ? OH wow. Can you elaborate ?
Kim Lorton 2 years ago
I pissed off a scammer who began swearing at me in anger. Lol he said the computer spiel and I said I didn’t have a desktop. So he says yes, you do! You are on it now!! I said no I don’t it is my grandsons IPad. He get madder and madder, and begins calling me names, I yell out, Stevie, come tell this man it’s your IPad,please, and I will go get grandpa to call your dad at the police station. I don’t think you can swear T older women on the phone! Then do walking noises, and let them stew. “Grandpa” yells, ok Stella, they tapped the phone call, keep them on the line! Hahahahah!love it!
Dianellian 2 years ago
Hullo. What you want? Why you ring me? Who are you? They usually hang up before the 2nd what you want. All screeched in a high pitched voice.
#45
"I say OH MY GOD THERE IS A SHARK IN MY HOUSE I HAVE TO GO BYE!!!"
Henry Russell 2 years ago
dont do this you dont wanna be the boy who called OH MY GOD THERE IS A SHARK IN MY HOUSE.
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
"And then one day a REAL shark came, and nobody listened to his cries for help, and so he was eaten alive and served him right!"
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TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
I read Shark as "Shrek" OH MY GOD THERE IS A SHREK IN MY HOUSE I HAVE TO GO BYE!!!!!!
Abigail Strong 2 years ago
I want to know why *under any circumstances* there would be a shark in your house.
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
Your in luck, we specialise in shark on house removal, we’ll be there in ten minutes.
Carrie Cole 2 years ago
FANTASTIC ANSWER.!!......OR PORCUPINE, ARMADILLO....ORCA ......DUCKBILLED PLATYPUS, ALLIGATOR, 13 FOOT SALT WATER CROCODILE, 20 FOOT ANACONDA, TWO TOED SLOTH, MOUNTAIN GORILLA, 8 FOOT TALL BIFFOOT, MOMMA COUGAR AND HER THREE...YEAR OLD CUBS....
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
" Hang on mate, I'm in North Queensland and there's a bloody crocodile coming in the door ".
#46
"I just give the phone to my 7yo and he just curses a blue streak."
Jon Rindfleisch 2 years ago
Or tell your kid it's santa calling to ask what you want for Christmas
Victoria Anderson 2 years ago
And have him sing "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas..."
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KombatBunni 2 years ago
I should let my bird on the phone to the scammer, he screeches sometimes so that could be fun
Tuna Fish 2 years ago
Nah, I told my boys when they were young that they cold swear all they wanted just not in front of grownups or girls. It worked great. That only left other little boys and they're going to swear anyways. Once a buddy of mine said "b***h, please" in front of me and the boys and my youngest yelled "You can't say that in front of my mama!" There you go.
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Ansi 2 years ago
Here son, you can explain your Roblox Pets game to this guy... (that should take an hour or so)
Eleanor Cummings 2 years ago
My great grandson just loves to ''talk'' on gram's phone. he's 18 mos. I have more greats getting hatched, so I'll always have one to ''run inference'' for me. I have fun listenig.
#47
"Grab a metal skillet, place it on the phone, and bang the thing with a metal spoon. Perfect response."
Klara Lorinczi 2 years ago
I just press a key on the dial pad. It sounds like they got a fax machine and they hang up immediately cuz it’s very loud.
#48
"Tell them you don't have this common thing they're calling about. For example, calling about windows checking? Sorry, I live in a basement, and I have no windows. My child got in a car crash and I need to pay? It's a miracle, my child has died a few weeks ago and suddenly they're alive and in a car crash! Are you a wizard who can revive the dead? Amazing! Just confuse them and waste as much time as you can, bonus points if you make them feel like sh*t."
DuchessDegu 2 years ago
My mum got that "your daughter been in a car crash" and she knew it was a scam: "good, she's a b***h, I ain't paying for s**t, let her suferrrrrrr!" and hung up
I.am.pigeon7 2 years ago
I started balling my eyes out once when they did the “your child was in a car crash” one and said i can’t loose another kid (I don’t have any kids) to a car crash and the lady on the other side just hung up
Anita Leth Pedersen 2 years ago
I just tell them, that I don't use whatever they are trying to sell. WiFi? We don't use WiFi I use dail up exclusively. Taxes? I don't use taxes, I just take 30% of my pay check and Fluch it. Easy Prep Food solution? I don't use food, I only drink hand sanitizer, just like the lord intended. It can end up being some pretty wild stories at times.
Poppy 2 years ago
My mum loves getting the one that says her computer is crashing, she lets them do their spiel and then says I don't have a computer (she actually doesn't, she's a complete technophobe) and they usually hang up. She had one for having her guttering updated and when she pointed out she lived in a ground floor flat they hung up too. The call about her Amazon account, she doesn't have one (she gets me to buy stuff for her) and if it's for anything else, she tells them she has Alzheimer's disease (which is true) and they'd have to speak to her daughter before she can do anything and she passes the phone to me, by the time I get on the phone, they've hung up.
Isabel Care 2 years ago
I had one offer a free conservatory, if you have their advert on it and allow them to show it as a sample of their work. I said "Yes, I would love a free conservatory on the outside of my second floor council flat." They hung up. I wanted a free conservatory
#49
"Got a call from a lady who said she can save me hundreds on my insurance. My insurance is $167. So you giving me money now that's sick."
Rylee Evergreen 2 years ago
never be sorry, I'm cackling like the wicked witch
Load More Replies... A. Starhawk Hunt 2 years ago
dared my bank to give me a better rate on my car or give me 100$ like the sign says. I drive a 2007 Honda Accord.....
#50
"Ask them for their personal phone number so I can call them on there when I’m off work. Gets hung up pretty quick."
Gianna B D 2 years ago
For my part, I pretend to be a German potato-sales person. "Hallo? Ich verkaufe Kartoffeln. Mögen Sie Kartoffeln? Sie Sind sehr nahrhaft und schmecken lecker. Sie können sie kochen und pürieren und zu einem Eintopf Machen. Sie kosten fünfhundert Euro pro Kilo. Wie viel Kilo wollen Sie?
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I tell them to call back later when I am not having s3x and then block their number, so when they call back the call is instantly dropped.
#51
"I give them a phone number one digit at a time and ask them to repeat it as a whole after each one. Then tell them they got it wrong when I'm done and start over."
#52
"I usually have to answer the phone because I need to figure out if it's a potential job calling. If it ends up being a telemarketer, then I usually have some funny excuse on why I can't buy what they're selling. My funniest one was as follows: ME: [Pausing a video game I'm playing] Hello? TM: Hello! I'm here to present a great internet offer for you today, let me start first by asking how much do you pay for internet? ME: Uhhh Nah, I don't pay anything. I just steal my neighbor's internet. TM: [pauses to stifle laughter] ah okay well would you be interested in Spectrum internet? ME: Not unless you can beat free! TM: [muffled discussion; TM says "I'm not being disrespectful] Okay thank you for your time! Have a good day!"
Maggie 2 years ago
I feel sorry for telemarketers who are only trying to make a salary. It's the scammers that need a big comeuppance.
Auntriarch 2 years ago
Me too. I just interrupt quickly with, the answers going to be no so I'll just hang up and you can get on with your next call
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#53
"When I'm not feeling creative, I just tell the truth. SCAMMER: You bought tech support from us last year. ME: No, I didn't. SCAMMER: Yes, you bought our tech support package. It's about to expire. ME: There isn't anything to expire. Etc. They're not supposed to hang up, so they try for a long time before finally giving up. I regard wasting their time as a minor public service."
Alexander Izzo 2 years ago
I do "911 What's Your Emergency?" they hang up. then techically, 911 can trace your number. they literally p**s their pants.
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago
Doesn't work all the time if your goal is to waste their time. I once got a call and they started with "So, since you're a vodafone customer.." and I just said "no, I'm not". All I got was "oh, okay, bye then."
#54
"My dad's classic line is: I can't talk right now, my house is on fire."
PunnyPanda 2 years ago (edited)
Better off dead! "Sorry, gotta go, the Christmas tree is on fire." Even better when he says he ant talk right now cause his grandma took acid and kidnapped a bus full of penguins...
They/them MHA obsessed 2 years ago
Say it completely calmly though like: really sorry but my house is on fire, could you call back in a few hours?
#55
"If I catch they’re telemarketers or scammers I usually try to take their order. “Domino’s pizza, can I take your order?” If they catch me off guard and I have the time, I try to weird them out. “What are you wearing?” “Have you washed your teeth today?” They hang up before I do. It’s fun."
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
You can fake smelling their (bad) breath, like "Sorry, but do you have stomach issues? A bad tooth? I don't want to be mean but... Please keep the phone a bit further". It can take ages until they realise.
#56
"I usually start with "Just so you are aware this conversation is being recorded for your and my safety." I usually either get cussed out or they hang up right away."
FakeOptimist 2 years ago
Use that one too. And if I call a company with a complaint or something, and I have to go through a menu wich mentions the call can be recorded "for training purposes" it often makes a difference when I say I am also recording...
#57
"So, what is your password?" "Kyarewthu. Big K, small cyrylic Ya, Polish ew, Icelandic eth, Turkish dotless i. No bot will ever brute force this."
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
For those who do not know what this looks like : ЯŁÐı ... pronounced roughly ya-airw-thuh
#58
"Hi there, and thanks for calling Cardiff Aquarium. Please be aware your call may be recorded for training purposes."
#59
"Would you like to try out a three-day trial of our adult diapers?"
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
Yes actually, that way I don't have to wait for someone to let me outside...
#60
"I just say, "My Mommy is not home right now!"... "I said my Mommy is not home right now!!!" Throw a tantrum."
Dana Ondráčková 2 years ago
For some reason I have baby voice.. A Long time people thought a kid picked up And asked for my mom, then Said I must say to mom they called, and then they hang up. I am single lady living on my own😂
T'Mar of Vulcan 2 years ago
I sound like a young child and they would go, "Can I speak to your mommy please?" Sometimes she'd be around and I'd go get her... even into my thirties. My mother loved talking on the phone and giving telemarketers a dressing down.
Load More Replies... #61
"Hi sorry this is my work line, so I don’t take personal calls on here! Here’s my home phone: insert the phone number of another known scammer/other prank call number here call me there later and we can talk! Works better for texting-based scams, but would probably work for calls too."
Sasy 2 years ago
I saw a video recently where someone got two scammers on the line and put them on speaker so they were speaking to each other, they ended up all upset with each other because you are not meant to use the phones in the office etc, a lot of 'why did you call me' 'no you called me' back and forth.
#62
"Respond to every question with, "And then?" until they hang up."
#63
"I get a lot of scam calls about accidents. I go along with it but pretend the accident involved hitting my head. I fake amnesia and make the conversation go around in circles until they get frustrated and hang up."
#64
"Heavily flirt."
Monday 2 years ago
Oh no my identity? Well *pause*...can I borrow yours big boy?
Load More Replies... Emptycaketin 2 years ago
What are you wearing? Ohhh, those headsets are sooo sexxyy *fans face*
#65
"I will let Jim Browning know about what is going on here, thanks! If you don't know, Jim Browning is what scammers check under their beds for at night."
#66
"When they start asking for information, I ask... You called me... You should know all of that already... They hang up..."
#67
"I act like I'm really glad they called. I tell them I've been hoping they would call. I'm effusive in my excitement. They usually hang up immediately."
Abigail Strong 2 years ago
My mom does this on speaker and the reactions are priceless! She asks how their family has been, what they've been doing in their free time, etc.
Waddling Land Fish (She/her) 2 years ago
Alternative to this: act like you’re the nosy neighbor who never shuts up. “Ohmygod HIII. I was waiting for you to call! So you know Shannon, suuuch a hoe, anyway. She’s pregnant. Again! She’s trying to persuade us all that it’s her boyfriends, but we know different right. Anyway…” and so on. Bonus points if it’s really fast and in a valley girl accent.
Very Confused Gay Potato 🥔 2 years ago
OhmygodddhiiiiiIwaswaitingforyoutocallShannonssuchahoeshespregnantagainanyway
Load More Replies... #68
"As a kid, it was my mom/dad dead then fake crying and screaming till they hung up. In college "DeeDees used ammunition if we can't kill it, it's immortal." As an adult, I give the phone to my 8-year-old and ask him to tell them everything he wants to about animals..."
Happy Blue Panda 2 years ago
I'll start doing this but with my telling them about his favorite shows, video games etc. He can talk for hours
#69
"I learned the Hindi phrases: "He aakaash, yah bos hai. kya aapane is saptaah pahale hee 30 logon ko dhokha diya hai? apana anubandh yaad rakhen. yadi aap nahin karate hain, to aap parinaam jaanate hain" Which translates to: "Hey Akesh, this is boss. Have you already scammed 30 people this week? Remember your contract. If you don't, you know the consequences."
Bill Swallow 2 years ago
Oh, God, I *wish* I could improvise Unwinese! (Look up Stanley Unwin in Google or Wikipedia. He was a British comedian who could spout off gibberish on command, made up of real words randomly chosen if I recall correctly, and do it with such a natural cadence everyone was left going 'What?') Gerry Anderson used him in the last Supermarionation show, 'The Secret Service'.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
this is awesome but it assumes the scammer is from india and understands hindi.
#70
"My mom had one last week and she started hitting on him! " your voice is so sexy are u single?" He asked to be her sugar baby. She laughed hysterically and hung up."
#71
"Start talking about how miserable your life is. Make crap up about how your dog died, and your wife left you, and you lost everything and you just got fired and you just lost your job and now you owe the IRS 20000 too! Keep talking for a bit until you start talking about how “My life is terrible, nothing could ever go right for me again, I’m just gonna end it all.” Then google the sound of a gunshot and play it at max volume right next to the phone. Just listen to the chaos that is happening on the other end of the line then hang up after a minute."
Very Confused Gay Potato 🥔 2 years ago
I don’t want to sound like a Karen but, suicide isn’t something to joke about. As someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts, it’s not something I want joked about. It’s been fun y’all imma get banned for this one
Ashen Brooks (They/Them) 2 years ago
dont try this, I've actually attempted before. It's not a joke. this is f*cked up
#72
"I kept a "SS Administration agent" on the phone for well over 2 hours (we were in prime covid lockdown so I had the time). He wanted me to prove my innocence of a crime that my SS# was tied to (murder, kilos of Cochise, and money laundering). The only way to show I was a victim of identity theft was to use all my money and buy Amazon gift cards. Even got in the truck and turned it on to drive around the block. I got back in the house and the scammer wanted the codes off the back. I told him I bought Nike cards bc they were out of Amazon (Jerry Parker was not pleased, but that he could still verify my identity using Nike). So here I am with "my life savings of $375 in Nike gift cards" and I start having reservations about scratching the cards. At this point, he starts threatening an arresting agent will be sent to my house and getting hostile. Told me to go F myself and when I asked what I should do with the Nike cards, he said to shove them up my ass. Despite that, he would not hang up. I kept asking for supervisors and ways to call him back or verifiable contact info for his friend in the FBI, but it wasn't until I overheard his supervisor come by and give him the ok to hang up. Wasting their time is a great way to get removed from their call list!"
#73
"I once repeated "uh huh, go on.." over and over until they got really irritated and then just hung up on me."
#74
"I tell them my mother said to me not to talk to strangers and ask them to call me on FaceTime."
Very Confused Gay Potato 🥔 2 years ago (edited)
Anyone who’s still here upvote me, I want to see who’s left.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
this is very important, if you get a text scam you must call them on FT or similar to see who they really are. Friend had his phone hijacked in a sim-swap scam and asked me for money. When I tried FT they didnt answer so I knew it was a scam. Turned out I was right.
#75
"My teacher got a call from the AA in the middle of one of one her lessons, and she answered the call, and left it open for the rest of the lesson, telling the woman on the other side to “let her finish taking attendance” etc. When the lesson ended, she made the class shout “she’s not interested!” And then she hung up."
#76
"When it is a social security scam, I pretend I am really old, so so scared, and can’t hear very well. When they ask for my name, I spell it very loud and slowly every time. My go-to name is Ethel Beavers. I tell them “my social”—not really— but forget the middle and start over again and again so I never really tell them a whole number... or I leave off two digits and get very confused when they tell me they need more numbers. They usually hang up around the second spelling of Ethel Beavers."
#77
"This is 91.7 KSCM The Bridge, you are the seventh caller and YOU WON! Are you excited? ARE YOU EXCITED????"
#78
"I always answer scam likely calls in Kermit's voice, they always laugh and hang up laughing."
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
you will wear purity rings, haha! https://www.southparkstudios.com/video-clips/vfh9v3/south-park-the-boss-is-here
Load More Replies... #79
"Yes, I want to extend my warranty. My 2010 Ram 1500 has 350k miles on it. Ok, thank you."
Bill Swallow 2 years ago
"Yeah, and it's only been in one accident! They were able to get the frame absolutely straight again!"
#80
"Hello, how are you, I'm under the water, please help me, here too much raining ughughgurhaughraughihaugh."
#81
"Not quite a scammer, but during the last election, I repeatedly got calls and texts from the local Democrat party branch. On one particularly egregious day where I received multiple calls within just a few hours, I picked up, and instead of just hanging up I told them that if they ever called me again I would vote for Trump. Call volume vastly decreased after that point; not sure if it was actually what I said or not, but I like to think it helped."
PunnyPanda 2 years ago (edited)
In 2012, I had a week old baby. Canvasers were constantly knocking and waking her up. So I posted a note on my door that said if you wake my baby, I'll vote for Romney. Worked wonders.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yeah I did that to our local political parties as well, also stopped the calls.
#82
"I usually pretend to be an answering machine."
Thegoodboi 2 years ago
"Please hold for the next representative who actually cares about your phone call *hold*"
Load More Replies... Bill Swallow 2 years ago
(In a slow, stupid voice) "You've reached the residence. No one is available to answer your call. The answering machine is not available to answer your call. This is the Refrigerator. If you leave your name, phone number, and a short message, slowly and clearly, I'll write it down on a little slip of paper and stick it to myself with one of these magnets here."
SmileyMan192 2 years ago (edited)
Hello this is amazon.com charging you 555 quintillion dollars for no reason. Pay now at amazon.com/ *beep your call has Ben forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system. 715-280-7726 is not available. Please leave a message at the beep tone.
#83
"They ask if we want to sign up for solar panels. I always say I live in an igloo. There’s no room up there for anything. They usually hang up after that."
Otto Katz 2 years ago
We just tell them we already have solar panels. We especially love taking the door to door sales people around to the back yard, and showing them, and telling them how we were the first house in our town to get them, and how the inspectors in town had no way to know if they were installed correctly, they came back 3 times to check.
#84
"Not me, but my boss will play along with the scammer until it gets to the point where they want to send him a check. At that point, he gives a fake name (usually Hugh Jass or Hugh Janus) for them to make a check out to, then when the check arrives he displays it proudly in the office."
Alexej Dvorak 2 years ago
I suppose it's either a scam routine where they abuse your bank account for money laundering or it's something to go with the check bouncing.
Load More Replies...
HighNMightyBigshot 1 year ago
Ha! Did this with a Craigslist scammer. The “bishop” thought my bike was the PERFECT bike. They were going to send a check for 200 over the price I was selling it for and strung them along with doubt, they sent the check as good faith. So I then told them to deposit cash into WU, so finally they stopped after 3 weeks.
ArodTheHorrible 2 years ago
Does Hugh Janus go on the Pay to the Order of line, or the memo line? :)
#85
"I always ask them where they're calling from. It usually trips them up to some degree. If they say they're local, I ask them follow-up questions. Sometimes they play along, but usually not. Another thing I like to do is just answer the call but not say anything."
MrsWelton 2 years ago
OH! I just had a scammer on Facebook trying to get me to be his 'female friend'...he was allegedly in Montreal, Quebec, and asked for my exact location, so I told him I was in the nearest town, and my province (NS), but he didn't know what NS was. It was then that I let him have it - told him if he really was where he claimed to be, he'd know what NS was, and he's either lying and trying to scam me out of god-knows-what, or he's a complete failure at geography. Then I blocked him.
#86
"Talk to them then ask them to hold on for a second, grab a pot and something metal or wooden, check to make sure they are still on the phone and tell them just one more second, then place the phone under the pot and proceed to bang the sh*t out of it... yep."
#87
"Play along for as long as possible, just giving them fake details. You can tell the frustration slowly builds but they're still trying to be all nice and helpful."
#88
"Hi, We have been trying to reach you about your car's warranty. Thats great, what plans can you offer me on my 97 geo metro? I've only been in 6 wrecks. they usually just give up."
#89
"I once had one yell, cuss at me, and hang up. Do you know those ones where a scammer pretends to be an “IRS agent” and needs your Social Security information? In this case, the guy introduced himself as “Officer Daniel Bryan”. Anyway, I strung him along for a good 20 minutes or so, then got bored with it. So I told him to knock it off, and he threatened to come to arrest me. I asked if he showed up to arrest me, and I asked if he was Daniel Bryan, would he respond by going “yes. Yes. Yes! YES! YES! YES!”. And then he swore at me and hung up."
#90
"Oh hang on, let me get the, they'll be able to help you! Then just turn the microphone off and go about my day."
#91
"Tip for Canadians. If you get scammers calling about whatever credit card, car, anything the like. Just answer in real brutal French. I use “alló, bonjour. Comma cest va?” ( sorry native French speakers, I haven’t written any French down since grade 9). They’ll get right pissed and hang up quickly."
Michelle C 2 years ago
I am bilingual and I’ve thought about doing this!!
Load More Replies...
Very Confused Gay Potato 🥔 2 years ago
I was actually thinking about this. I speak English French and Spanish fluently so I could just be multiple people
Toasted Applesauce 1 year ago
I speak Russian and once convinced a scammer i worked for the KGB..
#92
"Talk to them normally for a few seconds and then just scream bloody murder. Try to sound panicky and tell them to call 911 repeatedly, no other info just "Call 911, please! I'm being murdered." It helps if you have applesauce you can mush around for effect."
Leoninus Fate 2 years ago
please dont, since they do have your number you could get a person that is a real good person that calls them and then you end up wasting 911's time looking for you
#94
"Lead them as far as you can go without giving any details and then hang up, or better still say you just need to get your bank card and leave them hanging."
#95
"I've put them on hold before. As if I'm working in a call center. Had a guy on hold for 5 or so minutes it was quite ridiculous that he stayed on the line."
#97
"I just sing the one-winged angel lyrics."
Mr. L 2 years ago (edited)
Noice................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................SEPHIROTH
#99
"I blast earrape music."
Mason Kronol 2 years ago
I had a scammer call on a Sunday afternoon while we were drinking and watching NFL. They were doing a utility scam so I told him I didn't have electricity. He asked how I charged my phone, I told him I plug it into a tree that gets struck by lightning. I think he was very annoyed that I wouldn't hang up on him and just kept telling him my tree story. Do scams have managers that won't let them hang up?
Someone 2 years ago
Random comment but I connect to people's headphones and playing earrape music
SmileyMan192 2 years ago
Or just go to one of those meme sound effects websites and blast them full volume with it
What do you think ?
Yu Pan 2 years ago
"Hold on, I don't actually make any decisions in my household. You can talk to my cat. He runs the house" *Pass phone to my sleeping cat*
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
I actually feel sorry for the people doing the phone calls. I swear if I had that job i would be jumping off a bridge after a half a day. But yeah. They are annoying AF.
lauralett50 2 years ago
Them hello,how are you. Me fine but ,there is blood everywhere,what do you want done with the body. How long before the cleaning crew gets here ? Then : dialtone.
Load More Replies... Headless Roach 2 years ago
"Oh hello, it's great that you called today! I really need to talk to someone about our lord and saviour"
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
He has many names, but we know him as the Great Skyroach, may the stars shine upon His Holy Exoskeleton for all Eternity, amen.
Load More Replies... that weirdo in ur closet 2 years ago
“Hey um sorry, I have to go to a fish funeral. It drowned. Catch u later?”
SH Holmes 2 years ago
In robot voice, "You have reached [insert phone number here]. If you want to p**s someone off, press 1. If you want to kindly f**k off, press the hangup button."
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
Might be a bit culturally insensitive, but I always go "Hello, Al Kaida secret recruitment center. We will blow your life up." XD
Steve Kenney 2 years ago
I have the most sure fire way to avoid 99 percent of scam calls. When it's a number you don't recognize...don't answer the phone. It's 2022, not 1987, most of the human population has cell phones. Don't answer the call.
kath morgan 2 years ago
Yeah I’ve given up answering unknown numbers if I’m not expecting a call. Such a high percentage of it is spam now. I also just hang up if I answer one by mistake, no point in “winning”.
Load More Replies...
Scarlett 2 years ago
My family had a scammer that kept calling even after my dad cussed them out. So I took matters into my own hands. There’s a particular Rammstein song called Mein Teil and it’s known for—among other things—a particular bit in the middle that sounds like someone screaming in pain. I put my speaker up to the phone and played it full blast. They never called back.
Yu Pan 2 years ago
"Hold on, I don't actually make any decisions in my household. You can talk to my cat. He runs the house" *Pass phone to my sleeping cat*
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
I actually feel sorry for the people doing the phone calls. I swear if I had that job i would be jumping off a bridge after a half a day. But yeah. They are annoying AF.
lauralett50 2 years ago
Them hello,how are you. Me fine but ,there is blood everywhere,what do you want done with the body. How long before the cleaning crew gets here ? Then : dialtone.
Load More Replies... Headless Roach 2 years ago
"Oh hello, it's great that you called today! I really need to talk to someone about our lord and saviour"
Katie Lutesinger 2 years ago
He has many names, but we know him as the Great Skyroach, may the stars shine upon His Holy Exoskeleton for all Eternity, amen.
Load More Replies... that weirdo in ur closet 2 years ago
“Hey um sorry, I have to go to a fish funeral. It drowned. Catch u later?”
SH Holmes 2 years ago
In robot voice, "You have reached [insert phone number here]. If you want to p**s someone off, press 1. If you want to kindly f**k off, press the hangup button."
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
Might be a bit culturally insensitive, but I always go "Hello, Al Kaida secret recruitment center. We will blow your life up." XD
Steve Kenney 2 years ago
I have the most sure fire way to avoid 99 percent of scam calls. When it's a number you don't recognize...don't answer the phone. It's 2022, not 1987, most of the human population has cell phones. Don't answer the call.
kath morgan 2 years ago
Yeah I’ve given up answering unknown numbers if I’m not expecting a call. Such a high percentage of it is spam now. I also just hang up if I answer one by mistake, no point in “winning”.
Load More Replies... Scarlett 2 years ago
My family had a scammer that kept calling even after my dad cussed them out. So I took matters into my own hands. There’s a particular Rammstein song called Mein Teil and it’s known for—among other things—a particular bit in the middle that sounds like someone screaming in pain. I put my speaker up to the phone and played it full blast. They never called back.
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