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29 Experiences Of Being In A Relationship With A Big Age Gap, Shared In This Online Group
Relationships are not easy, duh! However, have you ever wondered what it’s like for age-gap couples? Different priorities, social stigma and judgment, perhaps limited shared interests – things can get rather complicated, but let’s find out what it’s really like!
“Couples with a large age difference: how is it different and what kinds of issues do you face?” – this person took to one of Reddit’s communities, inviting its members to share what it’s like dating someone outside their age range.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I dated a 34 year old at 17. I regretted it. In hindsight, he was too immature to get someone his age.
Jeremy James 2 years ago
Whoops. I started to write about how I dated my hot 36 year old divorcé neighbor when I was 16 and it was technically legal in my State, but then I realized that, yeah, I was molested.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
It was legal and it was also molestation. I didn't realize until I was in my 30's that, even if it's legal, it didn't make it okay, it made those dudes pedophiles. Sorry you went through the same experience. 😔
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PeepPeep the duck 2 years ago
I did this, 16 and he was 36. I’m now 36 and can’t imagine EVER hanging out with let alone dating a 16 yr old boy 😂 but I will say this, it was what I as a person needed at the time, for me, taking the peado out of the equation for second. I was on the streets and a bad kid, he did put me on the pathway to be classier and dressed well before I got to grow up and be me. Not for everyone
Jeremy James 2 years ago
Wow. Very similar story here. Except my guy didn't have my back when my dad found out I was gay and kicked me out of the house. So I bounced around college campuses throughout New England until I turned 18 and the adult entertainment industry flew me to California and gave me an opportunity for a fresh start.
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Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
My son's father was 28 & I was 16, but legally emancipated. He was a nightmare, extremely abusive, etc., but I was too proud to admit I'd made a horrible mistake. It finally came to a head one night when I had made something he didn't want for dinner (hot dogs instead of hamburgers or something equally stupid) he starting hitting me and I just grabbed the first thing I could to protect myself. Cracked that f*cker in the head with a cast iron skillet. While he was unconscious I tied him up with the phone cord & went downstairs to the manager's apartment to call the police. He went to jail & I moved out the next day. Best use of a skillet I've ever employed.
Dustin Miller 2 years ago
My biggest gap was a 5 year difference when I was 18, he was 23; it started off nice he was very kind and affectionate towards me until one night I'm spending the night, and idk what happened with him or if I did anything wrong, but he just exploded on me yell at me about: how I was ruining his life by forcing him to stay in a small dead end town, the he'd be better off if I never met him, and how if he had to stay in a relationship with me that things were going to change. Changes like: I should get used to seeing him drunk, or if I'm at his place then it's my job to take care of him and the chores, if I ever wanted anything from him that I'd have to ask for it in a hand written note explaining why I should be able to have it. I went a long with it (like a dumb 18 year old) until he told me to come over one night, made me wait outside in the cold for 3 hours until he got home drunk and proceeded to yell at me and throw me into the ground and snow banks.
RELATED:
#2
Im 47. My last girlfriend was 19. We faced endless judgement about our age difference. Typically, I was seen as a near predator, she was perceived as either a gold digger or a victim. Her family couldn't accept it, we broke up despite loving each other.
My new girlfriend is (a young looking) 61. Everyone sees it as perfectly fine, good for her. I'm seen as a more mature man for dating her. Funny how the perspectives shift.
In both cases, it was her personality that attracted me despite the age difference.
Judgy people can kiss my middle-aged a*s.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Well, there's less of an age difference between 47 and 61 than 47 and 19, and the older woman has more experience, so she's less likely to fall for a predator, so that's probably why people don't mind your new relationship as much.
Ross “Sarcastic Dad” 2 years ago
Agreed. 28 years difference and 14 years difference is a big gap. Plus, the 61 year old can have a glass of wine with you. I'm not judging you for doing it, I'm judging you for not knowing the difference in the two situations.
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Airt 2 years ago
You are doing great job kissing your own a*s. And I'm still going to judge you. If you were "so in love" the you would wait 5-6 years until she get an education and a job, become fully Independent adult person, not a child she was at 19 and then (re)introduce yourself. But then she wouldn't be easy to manipulate either by you or her family (because if adult, Independent woman wants to date older man that is fine and family should have no saying in that. But she wasn't at that stage of her life and you know it).
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
It's predatory. You didn't care until people started looking down on you, so you dumped her, or she dumped you and you blame outside influences on her. The power dynamic can never be balanced, because the 47yo can always claim wisdom and tactic over a 19 year old. But sure, it's their youthful personalities you're into.
zak 2 years ago
The number of years in age difference, by itself, isn't an issue for me. It's that a 19 year old doesn't even have a fully developed brain yet. In my eyes it's predatory and gross, and you did nothing to convince me otherwise.
ERIKA H. 2 years ago
Exactly. Loved how he added how his current GF is a "young looking" 61 too 🙄
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guyx23 2 years ago
Yeah mate dating a teenager who's 30 years younger than yourself isn't equivalent to dating an adult 10 years your senior
MagicMidnight 2 years ago
The base age of 19 is a lot different to a base age of 47 come on! Not the same at all
Gareth Baus 2 years ago
Definitely this, people mature in a non linear fashion a large absolute age gap isn't nearly as big of an issue later in life.
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Thenatural 2 years ago
Well I'm gonna be completely honest here...47 dating a 19 year old is f*****g creepy and you should be ashamed of yourself
#3
My grandma married a man who was 25 years her senior. They had 3 daughters and stayed together until his death in '96. She never remarried.
Scott Rackley 2 years ago
Papaw came home from WW2 and married Mamaw within a year. He was 30 and she was 16.
Brent Echols 2 years ago
In many countries there weren't many 17-25 yr old guys left after WW2
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kim davies 2 years ago
My grandma was 13 when she married my grandpa, he was 28. They were married for 75 years and had 14 children together, one was a still born. It was a normal thing back then but frowned upon now.
#4
I (female) am 40 and my wife is 29. The main difference is that I am very jaded and cynical and she’s more like a wide-eyed excitable puppy. It’s a nice contrast though, brings me out of my existential funk.
VegasMade09 2 years ago
This is my partner and I. I am 37 and him 49. He is that jaded ans cynical old man without this wide eyed excitable puppy lol.
Julia French 2 years ago
You need a therapist not a spouse to "bring you out of your existential funk" that's not her job!!!
#5
Mom and Dad. Mom was 26 when she met him. He was 65.
People thought my dad was a predator and that my mom was a gold digger. But that was not what I saw at home. My parents loved each other pretty much.
I have an older brother on my dad's side, who is in his 60s. He did not have a hard time accepting us but his wife did, because my dad would help them financially. When my dad got married to my mom, she said that it was a mistake because he wouldn't give them any more money because he would spend it on us...
Airt 2 years ago
I wouldn't do this, it's strange for me, but I don't feel grossed out like in some other cases on this list. In age of 26 she was already fully formed adult. If that what she wanted, whatever reason, that is her choice.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
Agreed. Who am I to judge how other grown adults connect with each other?
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starsailor (they/he) 2 years ago
26 and 65 is (to me) weird, but as long as he didn't groom her, they're both adults.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Indeed, the initial reaction would be that she's a gold digger, largely because at 26 she's no long a kid so she'd be making more rational decisions. And similarly, he get funny looks because she is 40 years younger. But if they met when she's 26 he can't be accused of grooming. In the end if they're happy together good for them. Heck even if she was a gold digger and he wanted a hot young thing who cares? Neither of them are doing anything illegal so have at it!
Load More Replies... Jay Son 2 years ago
Sounds familiar. My mom was 26 when she met my father and had me, he was 56 at the time. My father wasn't rich and my mother was not the best looking. What they had was love. Age is nothing but a number, and as long as both are consenting adults I don't see anything wrong. People need to learn to become less judgemental.
Haywood Jablome 2 years ago (edited)
I'm starting to think "older guys dating younger women is predatory" is actually code for "I don't think younger women can make their own decisions, so they must be victims"
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Substitute "younger women" for "girls" and your statement rings true.
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michele mbennett1010@att.net 2 years ago
Sounds like your SIL is an entitled Karen...how dare FIL consider giving his MONEY and attention to his wife and kid...!! Shut the f**k up b***h! Brother needs to have a serious talk with his money grubbing jealous wife 😤 Dad needs to shut off the money spout to these two ingrates.
#6
My friend’s mom was 28 when she married a man who was 82. They didn’t think they would be able to get pregnant but evidentially they could. Husband died 4 years later at 86, leaving her a single mom. Besides that, they had huge issues on both sides. The dad’s other children (in their 50s!) claimed new wife just wanted his money. The mom’s family believed that this man was a cult-leader type and was luring her into an unhealthy relationship.
All in all, a bad idea.
starsailor (they/he) 2 years ago (edited)
im pretty fine with most age gaps, but COME ON! 82 and 28??? that's just gross (in my opinion)-a 54 year age gap?!
I just work here 2 years ago
Yuck. and she probably did want his money. why else would a younger person date an elderly one?
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
There are reasons to be happy dating someone older. But 54 years older is a hard one to imagine. You're not dating someone your parents age, you're dating someone your grandparents age.
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jdtimid123 2 years ago
They definitely should not have had a kid together, although I would guess it was more an accident. Like they thought he'd be infertile so didn't use protection.
Shannon Donnelly 2 years ago
Too often children from a former marriage just assume that a new, (much) younger woman in their father's life is a gold digger, so I'm not so quick to automatically just go with that assumption, generally speaking. I also don't normally have an issue with large age gaps in relationships, having dated a 52 y.o when I was 26 and we were so compatible in so many ways. That being said, I'm curious to know how much a 28 y.o can have in common/be romantically compatible with an 82 y.o... Not saying it's not possible, but just really curious
Lyoness 2 years ago
Ah, but did he actually have any money to dig? It doesn't seem clear based on the post...
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My friend is 27 and her boyfriend is 50+. She has a difficult time connecting to his daughter, who is 24, because they are so close in age. This is because she is almost like a step mom but the age of a friend.
Weasel Wise 2 years ago
My sister did this. She was 21 and married a 52yo and then was upset and couldn't comprehend that her husband's 26 & 32yo children didn't treat her as a step mom. 🤯
Doodles1983 2 years ago
Step mums should aim to be friends first, irrespective. Ignore the parental stuff, esp as it’s boyfriend, and not fiancée.
Gozer LeGozerian 2 years ago
Couldn't accept that either. I'd be really grossed out if my parent found a partner my own age.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
Prob get some downvotes for this but..... that screams "daddy issues"
Rocky Wheelwright 2 years ago
That is weird. That would be hard if your step mom is 3 years older than you.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
There's a difference between being a stepmother and being your parent's partner. I don't consider my Mom's husband my stepfather, mainly because I was well into my 40s when they got married. He's a nice guy, but I certainly don't think of him as a "parent".
Crouching hippo hidden panda 2 years ago
Probably because she’s trying to be a step-‘mom’ when she should simply be interacting with someone on the same level and stage of life
#8
I'm 34 and my SO is 23.
Started dating almost 2 years. First it started as a "we like each other, but..". Honestly, the first month I was quite reluctant because of the age gap. But we had, and are still having, really fun despite the age difference
Started looking different at her after one month. I went on a holiday visiting my brother who lived abroad. He was a landlord at a house and rented out rooms to interns. Lots of girls/people over there were also around her age and I noticed she was much more mature and fun to be with!
After 4 months we went official and it's still going good. Sometimes I see my own behavior when I was at her age. If I can relate to my own experience I know how to act. And sometimes we just have to be patient at each other. We both know there can be different perspectives. But there is nothing we can't handle!
She often ask me for help and advice. For me she calms me down. I completely trust her and if I start to stress out, she is there for me. I lost a lot of my patience after I became ill last year. Because of a chronic illness, I went from energetic to chronic tired. I became more forgetful and changed a lot. Yet there she is! Helping me and calming me down when I become emotional or start stressing out!
I believe and feel happy about the fact that most of our priorities are on the same level. There aren't much differences in things we like, prefer and how we like to spend time with each other!
What also helped me a little bit was the age difference between my parents. Which was more then 12 years.
The biggest issue IMO?
I am far more realistic. According to her sometimes pessimistic.
We look different at money, cleaning and dependency. Sometimes I like to be on my own and if something needs to be done I barely ask for her help. Although that sounds more like a characteristic then something that has to do with an age gap
God I love her!
Lyoness 2 years ago
Money and especially dependency are big issues, probably exacerbated by the age gap. Definitely things that need to be dealt with if your relationship is going to survive.
Vira 2 years ago
But those are issues that come up regardless of age. People don't meet all the same milestones at the same ages. 34 year olds can suck at cleaning, holding a job, independence, and maturity. Some people spend all of their 20s and 30s just trying to figure out how to human, before they're semi functional. Some are dumped on their a$$ at 12 and grow up way too fast, and are left with scars from that. We don't all walk the same path.
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Debi Diana 2 years ago
I married a coworker 15 years younger than I am. I was 56 and he was 41. We had lived together for 4 years first. At the time, my son from a previous marriage was in his mid 20's. He never wanted children and we are still happy together now at 66 (me) and 51 (him).
Lynn Morello 2 years ago
I (F 68) have been with my SO (M 57) for the last 33 years. We both had a difficult time accepting the age difference in the beginning and both changed our minds multiple times. I was seen as a Gold digger and a Tart, he was seen as a Gold Digger and a Gigolo. I am glad we proved everyone wrong,
James Blorp 2 years ago
Good for you. Sounds MUCH more mature of a young lady than the 24 year old I dated at 36.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
Yep I have a similar story. Currently in a 11-year difference. She definitely is more optimistic and careless with money. Oh well.
#9
I dated a lot of older men from age 17 onwards. Weirdly, a lot of them were actually too immature for me. When a 35-y.o. dates a 18-y.o. it's highly likely the younger one will develop more and more whereas the older one is stuck in the same place forever.
If they always ONLY date younger girls, it's a red flag in my experience. Those are the men that can't get a woman their own age, mostly incompetent losers.
However I've recently dated a wonderful man. He hasn't dated much younger before. He's 31, I'm 20. Worked perfectly, we were on the exact same line in a lot of things.
Only thing is he wants kids - within now and 5 years. I don't want kids. For at least another 10 years. So we had to unfortunatly stop dating. Guess issues like that are most common.
Loren Pechtel 2 years ago
Yup, the more difference in ages the more likely there will be important differences in life plans.
Mary Lou 2 years ago
You are 20 and have dated lots of older men since you where 17 and one relationship seems to have been long enough to raise the question of children. If you didn't date more than one at a time, that sounds like 3years of probably mostly rather short term stories. Just because you managed to find older man who were super immature, doesn't make you mature. Also: a 17 to 20 year old who seemingly mostly if not exclusively dates older men doesn't exactly show a green flag either
Parmeisan 2 years ago (edited)
I was thinking of a friend of mine from high school when I read this. She dated a lot of older men when she was 17 and 18. We were all worried about her, honestly. But she abruptly grew out of it. It's quite possible that OP was similar and had more "normal", longer-term relationships at 19 and part of 20, until she met the 31 year old. If so, she had some time to find her feet in the dating world.
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James Blorp 2 years ago
I'd be curious what she considereds "maturity".....bc it sounds like she lacks plenty of it. I wouldn't be surprised if the 24 year old I dated called me immature too......granted I didn't cry over paying my insurance bill.
#10
I'm 29, my Husband is 50. We don't have any issues. We have a 4.5 year old Son. Life is good. Edit to add, we've been together 6 years.
Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Listen, you can’t choose who you fall in love with, or special order love to suit all your criteria. It. Just. Happens. And it might happen with someone who may have some of your preferences, but not all. But when they’re the perfect person for you, your preferences change to exactly everything they are.
Niki Munster 2 years ago
Experienced this myself. My hubby went from being "not my type" to "I can't see myself loving anyone else this way" lol. I've also never been more physically attracted to someone in my entire life. So glad I gave this love a chance. It's been 11 years and I still get butterflies when he walks through the door. 🖤
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Brenda 2 years ago
Our stories are so close! My husband is 50 and I'm 26. We have a 3.5 year old along with an almost 1 year old. He also has 2 older daughters (21 and 18). I love his girls like my own and would do anything for them! We have been together for 7 years now and I love our life together. We pulled eachother out of really horrible relationships and have been there for eachother through thick and thin. We have been married for almost 2 years now.
Gozer LeGozerian 2 years ago
Yeah, life is good for you, but maybe not your child, who'll probably loose a parent within the next two decades
Brenda 2 years ago
So many people say that. But it could happen to anyone at any age for any reason. Either parent could be healthy and in their 20s or 30s and have a random heart attack, or lose a fight with cancer or anything like that. Death is so random and no one can control it. What matters is how the surviving parent handles it and keeps memories of the other parent that matters.
Load More Replies... Brent Echols 2 years ago
If it's overwhelmingly guys that do this, that should tell you something. In majority of cases
#11
When I was 30, I started dating a woman that was 46. She was super hot, and very immature. [Making love] was great, but I felt like the adult all the time. I was constantly telling her not to do stupid things (like a parent). She would close the bars with her 19 year old daughter, and constantly wind up in bad situations. Idk, it was hell.
#12
My husband is 10 years older than me, but because I tend to be more mature for my age and him less so, it feels like we meet in the middle and the age difference really isn't a factor. We do worry a bit more about the prospect of having kids as he doesn't want to be 60 when our kids graduate high school like his father was, but that's about it. We've also gotten some funny responses to people finding out about our age difference- I'll never forget the story about a woman commenting to my husband that I was a "child bride, like back in the war" when she found out I was 18 when we got hitched.
Your Neighborhood Alien 2 years ago
Yeah, my mom was 19 when she started dating my dad, who was 29 at the time. I graduated high school when he was about 60, too! It was always awkward growing up when people would assume he was my grandpa. I'm in college now, and he has a decent amount of health problems, so I'm always worried about how much time I'll have left with him. :(
Audrey Malone 2 years ago
Waiting for the shoe to drop..... yup, barely legal when they got married. If it's perfectly fine and normal, why wait until the very last sentence to say what your ages are?
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
My husband's oldest brother is a year older than my father. Husband was born when his mom was 40 and has a younger brother, born when she was 43. People always assumed his parents were his grandparents.
I just work here 2 years ago
I don't think 10 years is a big deal. I was 20, dated someone 11 years older. Problem was, he was immature and selfish. Everything was about him. No thanks...
#13
13-year difference, he's older. We started dating when I was 29 and he was 42. Been together 9 years, married for 5, one kid. Honestly, it's not really about the numbers but about having compatible levels of utter immaturity (we suit each other well on that regard).
However, one thing that's been coming up lately is he's planning for a hopefully early retirement at 57, and even if I end up being able to retire early as well, 19 years is a lot further away than 6...
Shannon RN 2 years ago
I was 18 when I met my newly divorced husband who was 27. My parents were livid. I was mature for my age, him not so much. I won’t say our life has been flowers and sunshine all the time but we have been together 36 years this year, married 33. 3 kids, 7 grandchildren. I wouldn’t trade my life for anything. I’m glad I didn’t listen to naysayers.
Ladee Warrick 2 years ago
Then he can work an extra few years to offset so you can retire early with him.
#14
I dated a 30 y/o at 19. Not much was different. His friends picked on him for dating a college girl, but also gave him major props. It was a little harder to get his female friends to like me, mostly because the guys called them "old and weathered" when I was around (much to my dismay).
My friends thought it was weird at first. They had a hard time understanding why I didn't want to date boys our age that didn't have stable jobs or income, still smoked pot all afternoon, and were terrible in bed. I didn't understand why they liked spending time with people like that.
All in all, I love dating older guys. Not "old" but late 20's/early 30's. They're more cultured- down to go to the ballet, try weird ethnic food, share a nice bottle of whiskey by a fire, etc. than someone still in college. Plus they're typically much better in bed as they gain experience. The only weird part was helping my boyfriend with his resume. I was proofreading it and realized he graduated high school the same year I was in third grade. That was odd. Also some TV/music references he made I knew of but wasn't alive for, which was also a little weird.
Airt 2 years ago
I will give an author cold shower - all of those things that you see and don't like in boys yours age "female friends" of those men saw in you. And they really couldn't understand what he likes about you (or they actually did and thought that grooming is gross). And guys call women their age "old and weathered" not because they are (30 years old women are really young...) but because they are not so easy to manipulate and they dare them to "demand" to really try. You may be a great person and those girls and guys 10+ older than you may honestly like you, but being friend with someone on a different stage of life is not the same as being in a relation. At 19 you are still at school. You don't have education and/or stable job that gives you safety of independence. Having a quick romance at that age because someone is attractive is one thing (it's physical, no pressure) but building true relationship with such unbalanced positions is bad.
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
I bet he stopped doing those romantic things when his first wife got older, and you will age too.
Jessi Lovely 2 years ago
His friends sound like a******s. Also, I’m 30 and don’t know anyone who goes to ballets that often lmao I think this is an upper class thing, maybe 😂
#15
I started dating my boyfriend when he was 28 and I was 20. The first few years were a struggle because we were at different points in our lives. I wanted to party a lot more than he did. We split for a few months, but came to the realization that we did want to make it work and be together. (It's honestly disgusting how perfect we are for each other despite the age difference.) We've been together for almost seven years and everything's great now. I feel like he's made me mature quite a bit faster than I would have dating someone my own age, and I've made him a more relaxed and go with the flow type of person. We had a lot of fights in the beginning, but those fights have made both of us better communicators. I'm grateful for the fights and that we were able to get through them because they helped to build the strong relationship we have now. An eight year difference now (me 26f and him 34m) isn't too much of a big deal, but being 20 and 28 had it's rough spots in terms of him having more life experience and me wanting to learn and figure things out for myself.
#16
My husband is 18 years older than me and it's worked fine for us. I've always been rather mature for my age and people near my own age have always seemed childish to me. Many of my close friends are older than my husband is.
The only issues really are that some people may judge but I really don't care if they do. More of an issue is that he may pass away some time before I do which is a thought which lurks in the back of my mind. Of course that can happen whatever age you or your partner are.
Mother of Giants 2 years ago
My, 47/F & my SO, 62/M have been together for 9 years. Neither of us were looking for a relationship when we met. I had just divorced husband #2 & had no interest in finding #3, & he had been single for 14 years, after ending a 23 year marriage to his high school sweetheart. The more we got to know each other, the more we realized we *fit* really well together. My parents, siblings & my kids absolutely love him, & from the moment they met him, he was "family". His family hasn't been as accepting. His 3 daughters are all less than 10 years younger than me, & can't accept that I'm closer to their age than I am to his. They always point out how weird it is that my *youngest* son graduated high school the same year as his *oldest* grandkid. It hurts to not be accepted into their family when mine was so accepting, but in the end, we love each other & we make each other happy. And because it's *our* relationship, that's what counts.
Loren Pechtel 2 years ago
Physical age is really only a proxy for what matters. I'm the younger half of a relationship with a substantial gap who didn't fit in with my peers--basically everyone was way too immature for me. To be guessed 10 or 15 years older than I actually was was common. She's likewise, not a fit with her peers but in the other direction. The result is that I have actually been accused of robbing the cradle. Children would have been a dealbreaker--but neither of us wanted them. We've been married 35 years now so I'm pretty solid in saying that I don't think it was a mistake.
#17
Most of my past relationships have been with older men, with the biggest age difference being about 8 years.
I was drawn to the maturity of them, and (inb4 daddy issues) having an older male figure in my life, which made me feel protected & secure.
However, with that said maturity, I found that I sometimes had a hard time connecting & relating with them, and often found that they were very quick to move the relationship along (i.e. talking about marriage and kids) when I wasn't at that stage yet.
I'm now dating someone closer to my age which I think is more suited to me.
Nicole Weymann 2 years ago
Still depends on their ages. 50 and 58: no problem. 16 and 24: dubious
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May light defeat the darkness 2 years ago
I should have followed my instinct and not got married to a guy my age. I prefer men 5- 10 years older than me. They are more mature, less drama. I regret marrying my husband and his constant nagging.
Helen Taylor 2 years ago
My husband was seven years older than I am. Did not notice the age difference except that he introduced me to some cool music I hadn't really listened to.
Linds 2 years ago
My ex was 8yrs older but he lied initially about his age (red flag #1 that should have had me running off) until I saw his license cause 1981 is way different than 1988 (I'm 1989) we started dating at 29/37 and holy hell, this man was a piece of work and he was overly sensitive about how he was almost 40 and how he felt he was "running out of time". Might help if you put effort into your relationship and don't be a gaslighting POS then you'd be able to get married n have kids. Thankfully I managed to get away from him and my current bf is amazing and only a year older. Sometimes age doesn't equal maturity!
#18
My husband and I are 8 years apart... does that count? I have never noticed any problems from it. I have had to teach him how to use an iPhone/computer etc but that's cause he's from a third world country and grew up without them, not because of his age.
Chrissyfox 2 years ago
Also an 8, nearly 9 year age gap. I was 27f and he was 19m when we met. Four children and three grandchildren later, we're still together (42 years).
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My mum and dad were 7 years apart, had 5 kids, then divorced after 17 years. Mum then remarried someone 9 years older. Problems were more about personality (and potentially because she has ADHD and he possibly has ASD) than age difference. Mum has found, as far as songs and tv, there are somethings one is interested in and the other has never heard of because they are from a different generation.
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Max Fox 2 years ago
We have 8 years difference, married 31 years, our kid just graduated college. I thought that she was older than she was - she said that her sister was a year older than me, and didn't tell me that there was an 9 year age difference between them... We had been dating a month before I knew her actual age. Since she was an immigrant (so was I, but many years before), we did not have the same cultural and educational milestones that would have indicated her age to me. She was just starting her undergraduate, and I had just finished, but she had already started in her home country, and undergraduate degrees took three years where we lived.
#19
I met my man when I was 34 and he was 19. We've been together just over seven years. Before him I had one boyfriend who was 8 years younger than me, and everyone else bar one was much older than me (up to 30 years older than me). My current man is much better than the others, but that's because of the person he is, and not his age. We both "get" each other, in that we both need a lot of time apart as we're both antisocial, and we are comfortable being apart from each other. I don't think this is anything to do with age.
Skylar Jaxx 2 years ago
I mean cause that's what she said. I notice the same thing. So either she made up her story for clicks ugh or she should be jailed. Either way ugh.
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#20
Im 25 my husband is 44 we never notice the age gap it's irrelevant
Lily bloom 2 years ago
Is this supposed to be funny? If so, I don't get it. Please explain
Load More Replies... Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I feel like these relationships where the age gap is 20 years "but the age gap is irrelevant" aren't forward looking. By the time the wife is mid 40s the husband has literally reached retirement age. Mid 50s there is a good chance the husband is dead (since average male expectancy is about 77 in the US). Even if he's not, 50s should still be relatively active and capable, but 70s is not (for a lot of people).
Brent Echols 2 years ago
The ick factor of dating someone who could be your kid, along w the fact that the majority are guys dating younger...
Load More Replies... #21
Hey, this applies to me!
My boyfriend is 17 years older than me. Our relationship is really great, honestly, we’re very compatible. I don’t know it’s because I’m very wise beyond my years, or there’s something severely wrong with him. Or we are just compatible people.
The main issue *I* have is due to the fact that I’m currently in school (I’m a returning student), and I’m currently not working, and I feel like a real piece of s**t about it. I hate that he has to take care of all of our money, and sometimes I think he’d be better of going to find somebody who already has a degree and a decent job and he wouldn’t have to worry about that.
But I know he loves me, and he’s so encouraging and motivating when it comes to school, and I do my best to make his life good. My plan is to finish school (eventually) and once I start work he can... do whatever he wants. Keep working, go back to school to pursue his masters (something he’s always wanted but never had a chance to do.)
SL SL 2 years ago
Here again you can see that the difference in life stages is the problem. Even if you are the same age, an imbalance in power/wealth/status/experience might make any kind of relationship more difficult and require more work/communication
Starja 2 years ago
My case is kind of unusual in that my bf is younger than me (I'm 40F, he's 27), but hes the main breadwinner by far (he paid more in taxes last year than my entire income) and I was a student when we met (I went back to school in my mid 30s), however, I also have more life experience in most ways, and he's a recent immigrant so I also help him navigate life here. I think we have a good balance and, more importantly, love and respect each other enough to not take advantage of any power imbalances that do exist :)
Load More Replies... Linds 2 years ago
The ones who say "I'm mature for my age" typically aren't... not saying it CAN'T be true but being say... 40 and going after an 18yo is just creepy. Our brains don't actually mature until 25ish. It makes you wonder why these people can't get someone their own age... now if the couple is mid 30s+, then it isn't as odd and both have lived/experienced enough and will more likely be at the same stages of life i.e. settling down/kids
Elaine Reed 2 years ago
This is the age difference I have with my husband of 27 years. The downside is watching him (at age 79, I am 64) growing old. We both have high functioning Autistim so dont go out much, and tend to spend time reading. It is hard adjusting ageing in him and that I have different strengths from when we married. 16 years difference when you are 30 is Very different at 60. Be careful to know their family health issues as they can repeat in the next generation.
Vira 2 years ago (edited)
It's weird to have that screenname and judge other people's financial state. Regardless, it's perfectly fine to worry about financial gaps, and it doesn't mean anyone is predatory. It's okay to be supported, or to support your loved ones. We, as a society, need to stop making people feel guilty for that. She could just as easily return to college at 53 and need financial support, and for some reason everyone will still judge her as a leech, and she will feel guilty. It's stupid. Stop doing it. It also takes away any of the choice that the financially secure person has. If the supporter is happy, then there should be no issues.
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#22
I was nineteen and she was twenty seven. We dated for a year, not very long, and broke up amicably. The breakup wasn't over the age gap. It wasn't really weird except when I met her mom. I was still in college and her mom was thinking of grandkids. We hadn't know each other's ages until after a couple of dates. We met in school; she thought I was older and I thought she was younger.
#23
30 year age gap. We (M53/F23) have been together over 3 years.
We don't really have any issues and it's not really that different from anyone else's relationship except that we do give each other space/ time to do 'our own thing'.
Kathy Richardson 2 years ago
My husband is 23 years older than I. I had 3 young sons from my first marriage (to someone my own age), and he seduced me by treating my kids so well. We have been married for 22 years now and still going strong.
Doggy Dork 2 years ago
When you date someone that your parents have more in common with than you do, it's an issue.
#24
I’m 34 and she’s 21, things are going far better than anything I’ve ever had before her.
SL SL 2 years ago
That doesn't say much. Could be that it's really a perfect match but also could be that she just puts up with all of OPs s**t because she doesn't know any better and that of course feels perfect for OP.
Vira 2 years ago
That is a big risk for someone in their early 20s. I think younger people are less likely to leave and stand up for themselves, which is why people get divorced around 30. I think this is a honeymoon period, and probably can't be judged unless they make it a decade.
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#25
I'm 21, boyfriend is 31. Started dating almost two years ago (I had just turned 20). It's a much healthier relationship than my previous one, which was with a guy 9 months older than me. I was a little put off by the age gap at first, but my parents saw no issue with it, and all in all our life stages aren't too much different as I'm a university student (undergraduate) and he's a PhD. Our maturity levels seem to match mostly (I've had several people say I'm mature for my age, I mostly agree but saying that seems to be an oxymoron....). Overall, we're both very happy :)
SL SL 2 years ago
I think, as she points out, it's not so much about age as about life stages. There are other posts in this thread with the same age constellation that seem to have more problems. But these seem to come from an imbalance in(potential) power due to a difference in wealth/status/ experience etc. because of being in different stages of life. (Although at least in my country being a B.A. student vs. being a PhD student is still pretty different)
Out of chocolate 2 years ago
This was me and my husband. I was a senior undergrad and he was a post-doc (different departments!). That was twenty years and two kids ago ♥️
A gay cat man (he/him&Tré/Trè) 2 years ago
off topic, but i hope you get more chocolate!
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 2 years ago (edited)
Girls mature earlier than boys. I’m talking about emotional maturity. A 19 or 20 year old woman dating a man who’s between 25 and 30 is actually pretty equivalent, maturity-wise, to her dating someone her own age.
#26
Got 14 year age gap it’s not a problem he’s older we are best friends I don’t like guys my age he treats me like a queen . Life is what you make it it’s not what others think . Live and let live . Enjoy your life , relationship can go wrong at any age or gap do just go with flow
Barong 2 years ago
My parents are 17 years apart. She married him when she was 35 and my dad was 52. She had been married prior to a high school sweetheart but divorced shortly after me. What I can say is that age isn't a barrier to love necessarily, but family, friends, society can be judgmental sometimes in hilarious ways. They love each other dearly but my dad has now reached old age and now roles are changing from them being lovers and best friends to being caretaker and dependent. The age difference isn't necessarily the reason for this, as many, even young people find themselves in this flip role situation. The age difference does seam to take away some of the sympathy that people might otherwise have as it seams that this would be a natural expectation. Now on to the hilarious thing I mentioned. They have a friend that is my dad's age who married to a woman my mother's age. Whenever we went out, staff at restaurants often made comments assuming they were each with each other's like age spouses.
Barong 2 years ago
Continued: As for parenting, I grew up learning a lot about life in a previous generation, perhaps similar to people raised by their grandkids. They had a great relationship. They never argued beyond an occasional expression of annoyance at times. Honestly, I never really noticed or thought about the age gap. No one really ever said any thing to me other than the simple observation. They've been married for 38 years.
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#27
Last night, I got asked, for the second time during our hanging out, if I was the performer's wife or girlfriend.
He's a silver fox sort, and I'm 49 and still dress like a hippie.
Now, if I was dating some dude 16 years younger than me, comments would abound.
My mom dated a man 16 years younger than she was, a few years ago.
I asked fir advice and what to expect with such a gap.
She said she got mom/son a couple times. But they just blew it off.
#28
It depends on what you consider "large", but I was 23 and my partner was 18 when we started dating. When we first met, it had never even crossed my mind that I would date someone more than one year older or younger than me, so I didn't even think of her in a romantic way at first. But as I started to get to her know her, it was clear that we were basically the same person. So it started slowly, but gradually.
I was *extremely* self-conscious about it and seriously considered ending it for the age gap. Would people think I was abusive or just using her [to make love]? But then I sat down and thought about it. If she were a few years older but everything else was the same, would I have any problem with it? Not at all. Will anyone blink an eye once we're both 5 years older? Nope. And what was wrong with an age gap anyway? She had no problem with it. Her family had no problem with it. Her friends had no problem with it. My friends had no problem with it. Society at large was pretty indifferent to either of our lives regardless. I quickly realized the only person who had a problem with it was *me*.
The best piece of advice I got about it was that it's only weird if you make it weird. When people would make the inevitable comments, at first I would get defensive or try to explain. "Wait, she's in her first year of college?" "Yeah, we met when I was [wherever]." There's nothing at all wrong with that.
Two years strong, and she rocks my world.
Good luck!
#29
I'm 21, met someone online, have talked about dating but want to meet him first (long distance) before making it official. He's 33.
I think we'll work tho. I've never liked partying or any of that, and he on the other hand doesn't want to stay home every day. I think we'll find a good balance somewhere in between and do things we both enjoy. I've never wanted kids of my own but don't mind them, he already has two from previous marriage, and they are around on weekends. Perfect if you ask me!
I think our biggest challenge is gonna be the distance until I'm ready to move to another country.
Anne Sadovsky 2 years ago
I met a 25 year old man when I was 45. He was mature, an old soul. I resisted at first, we dated quietly several years. When he brought up marriage I told him when we had been together 5 years to ask again. We have been married 31 years, he is 61, I am 81. He is the biggest blessing in my life. Age is just a number; compatibility is a requirement. We have the same work ethic, same lifestyle, both healthy and perfectly happy!
Navigating relationships with significant age differences often brings a unique set of challenges, much like the complex emotions and dynamics seen even in much younger relationships.
For a humorous yet insightful look at youthful relationship drama, check out this story about a young girl's unexpectedly epic break-up text that captures the raw intensity and heartbreak of early romances.
What do you think ?
Flower Power 2 years ago
I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
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Enuya 2 years ago (edited)
I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
anarkzie 2 years ago
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
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Corey Smith 2 years ago
Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
Lotus Flower in Space 🪷 2 years ago
My step mom is 6 yrs older than my dad. She’s now 75 (they’ve been married 35 yrs) and we still call her a cougar lol. I have a 20 yr age gap w him older. All that matters is it works and to ignore trolls, even if family. Hell, especially if family. Best to you!
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Joshua David 2 years ago
It's 2012 and I'm 34. I met my partner and he wad 50. 11 years later and the love has grown.
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
My wife is one week older than me to the day. So far, it hasn't been an issue.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
7 years between me (39) and my partner (33). But we met as adults. I believe if the age gap is old enough that they can be your kid or grandkid then it's weird
Jennifer Chavis 2 years ago
14 years between me and my my partner with him in the younger side. I'm turning 54 this year and we've been together for 7 years. I was really self conscious about it for the first few years but not anymore. No one really sees the age gap between us or if they do they have the common sense to not say their comments where we hear it.
Hey! 2 years ago
Between my husband #1 and I, we had 11 years difference and between my husband #2 and I, we have 9 years. The age gap showed a bit when I married my first husband as I was only 20 but didn't show - and doesn't show still - with my current husband and we've been together over 33 years. I dated 3 guys before getting married and they were all much older than me. It's my preference.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
When I was 25, I briefly dated a man in his 40s. He was a gentleman, and the only real reason we didn't stay together is that he had kids and I didn't want kids.
Joy Johnson 2 years ago
I (currently 33,F) dated someone (M,45) 22 years my senior for about 5 years about a decade ago when we were 21 and 43. At the time, I thought I was mature for my age and that we were something truly special. Looking back now, I see that I was groomed and taken advantage of. I think he was struggling with his sexuality and know for a fact he was struggling with addiction issues, and he used me as a cover for both of those things. I would not do it again- he left me with my own addiction issues thanks to the substances he introduced me to, as well as completely messing me up for future relationships with fundamental lack of self esteem and an inability to trust myself or anyone else. And the worst part is that I still miss him. F**k you, Joe.
Flower Power 2 years ago
I've come to realize while reading this post that the age difference feels less concerning when the person is 29+ when starting the relationship with someone older. It feels like a huge red flag when the younger person is in their teens and twenties.
Susie Elle 2 years ago
That's because it's not about the numbers per se but about "how much of a child is this person still?" At early 20's, to what extent do you really know what you're doing? I mean, that kinda goes at any age, but the difference is that you THINK you know what you're all about when you're early 20's, while in reality you don't. The older one has likely been there as well, so they should know what it's like to be that age. Idk it just doesn't sit right with me.
Load More Replies... Enuya 2 years ago (edited)
I started reading this list but had to stop after a few entries. So many toxic comments! Jesus Christ, as long as both sides are adults and the relationship is consensual just let people live their lives! Nobody tels *you* to get older/younger partner, so chill and respect other people's choices.
anarkzie 2 years ago
Agreed, I feel like this has only recently become this big issues and more times than not I think people just need to but out of other people's lives. I really feel like we are moving backwards as a society.
Load More Replies... Corey Smith 2 years ago
Almost every one of these, the man is older. I married a woman 5 1/2 years older than me. She looks fantastic for her age, but she is very self conscious about it. Oh well. Men die younger anyway, so we are synched up I guess.
Lotus Flower in Space 🪷 2 years ago
My step mom is 6 yrs older than my dad. She’s now 75 (they’ve been married 35 yrs) and we still call her a cougar lol. I have a 20 yr age gap w him older. All that matters is it works and to ignore trolls, even if family. Hell, especially if family. Best to you!
Load More Replies... Joshua David 2 years ago
It's 2012 and I'm 34. I met my partner and he wad 50. 11 years later and the love has grown.
Hobby Hopper 2 years ago
My wife is one week older than me to the day. So far, it hasn't been an issue.
The Doom Song 2 years ago
7 years between me (39) and my partner (33). But we met as adults. I believe if the age gap is old enough that they can be your kid or grandkid then it's weird
Jennifer Chavis 2 years ago
14 years between me and my my partner with him in the younger side. I'm turning 54 this year and we've been together for 7 years. I was really self conscious about it for the first few years but not anymore. No one really sees the age gap between us or if they do they have the common sense to not say their comments where we hear it.
Hey! 2 years ago
Between my husband #1 and I, we had 11 years difference and between my husband #2 and I, we have 9 years. The age gap showed a bit when I married my first husband as I was only 20 but didn't show - and doesn't show still - with my current husband and we've been together over 33 years. I dated 3 guys before getting married and they were all much older than me. It's my preference.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
When I was 25, I briefly dated a man in his 40s. He was a gentleman, and the only real reason we didn't stay together is that he had kids and I didn't want kids.
Joy Johnson 2 years ago
I (currently 33,F) dated someone (M,45) 22 years my senior for about 5 years about a decade ago when we were 21 and 43. At the time, I thought I was mature for my age and that we were something truly special. Looking back now, I see that I was groomed and taken advantage of. I think he was struggling with his sexuality and know for a fact he was struggling with addiction issues, and he used me as a cover for both of those things. I would not do it again- he left me with my own addiction issues thanks to the substances he introduced me to, as well as completely messing me up for future relationships with fundamental lack of self esteem and an inability to trust myself or anyone else. And the worst part is that I still miss him. F**k you, Joe.
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