“She Told Me My Husband And I Would Make Hideous Babies”: 40 People Share The Moment They Realized Their ‘Best Friend’ Was Not A Good Friend
A best friend can be many things. Maybe it’s your next door neighbor from childhood who you share an eternal bond with from biking around the neighborhood together for years. Perhaps it’s your roommate from your freshman year of university who was there to make every all-night cram session much more fun. Or maybe it’s a person that you met through a shared interest like your favorite sport or hobby. Whoever your best friend is, they hold a special place in your heart, and they are likely the only person that you feel comfortable opening up to about certain topics.
But the people we love the most have the most power to hurt us, and unfortunately, some people have to face the hard truth that their best friend might not actually have their best interest at heart. One Reddit user, CrypticCrunch, posed the question, “When was the moment you realized that your best friend wasn't your best friend?” and sadly many people could relate to this experience. Below, you'll find some of the most heartbreaking epiphanies people had about their former best friends, as well as an interview with therapist and creator of Alyssa Marie Wellness Inc, Alyssa Mancao. We hope that these stories do not feel familiar to you, but maybe they will inspire you to send your best friend a message reminding them how much you appreciate them. And if you’re interested in reading even more similar stories after finishing this piece, you can check out Bored Panda’s last article on the same topic right here.
This post may include affiliate links.
After she told me my sexual assault was my fault, I ended that 5 year friendship right then and there.
Every relationship fluctuates over the years, especially a best friendship that may have lasted for decades. But when we’ve invested years into a relationship, it can be hard to notice when it’s become more of a burden than a gift. We tend to romanticize the past and cling to all of the positive experiences, even if they were long ago, when sometimes, it’s just time to call it quits.
To get some insight on how to know when it’s time to end a friendship, we consulted Alyssa Mancao, therapist and creator of Alyssa Marie Wellness Inc. “Signs that it's time to end a friendship are when you feel that your values are no longer compatible and you no longer desire to have them in your life, not even in the peripheral,” Alyssa says. “This often is due to a long history of incompatibility, betrayal, and mistrust. It is also normal to outgrow each other as friends and individuals. Cornerstones of a friendship are trust and joy, and without those things it may be a sign that it is time to move on,” she explains. “A person who competes with you, does things behind your back, and / or doesn't reciprocate action may not be someone that you would consider a close friend. Compatibility is an important part of a friendship and if you value loyalty, honesty, etc then it might be important for you that you have friends with similar values.”
When she asked me out and I realised I was utterly, completely and hopelessly in love with her. 18 years and 3 kids later and I love her even more :)
“Lastly, our bodies can sense when we are no longer interested in having someone in our life: (the following is unrelated to social anxiety) we might feel more irritable around them, have headaches when we're with them, and feel our mood shift when we interact with them,” Alyssa says. “We might also notice that we feel hesitant to be around them, avoid spending time with them, and no longer feel fulfilled when we do spend time with them.”
We also asked Alyssa what she thinks is important to get from a friendship. “Connection, conversation, safety and joy. Our friends are our support system, of course this varies based on the degree of friendship (we have close friends and we have friends that we may not talk to for a long period of time but feel like no time has passed when we do reconnect),” she says. “Friendships are the relationships that we get to choose in our life, so it doesn't make sense to choose friendships and connections that don't bring you peace. Our friends are our confidants and the people that we can turn to when we are feeling low, share our wins with and everything in between. These are the moments that connect us to our friends. I believe we can also have healing experiences in our friendships, we heal within human connection and with the right friendships we can feel better about ourselves.”
Alyssa also shared some advice for anyone who knows they need to distance themselves from a friendship. “Remind yourself that you are doing the right thing for you in this season of your life. The discomfort around distancing yourself from a friend might feel like guilt, but guilt is an emotion that indicates that you are doing something wrong,” she shares. “So remind yourself that you are not wrong for wanting to take care of yourself. If you are struggling with distancing yourself, write out a list of the reasons why you are distancing yourself, what you hope to gain by separating yourself from them (peace of mind, ease, minimizing your emotional labor) and remind yourself of how you have been feeling in the friendship, too."
"It's common to hyper focus on the good times when leaving a friendship or relationship, this might trip you up and have you question your decision making, so being clear about why you are doing what you are doing can be a helpful tool in facilitating the separation process. Lastly, depending on the context. it might even be a growth opportunity for you to share your intentions (depending on each person's level of emotional maturity) because ending a friendship doesn't have to be messy, chaotic, or dysfunctional, it can be a normal conversation that promotes healthy good- byes.”
Finally, Alyssa noted, “Let's normalize how our individual growth can sometimes bring us closer to our friends, or further apart. Being further apart from someone doesn't have to be a good / bad situation, we can just view it as something that just is and is part of the ebbs and flow of life.”
If you’d like to hear more words of wisdom from Alyssa, you can check out her company’s website right here.
When she told me my husband and I would make hideous babies because red headed babies are the ugliest thing she has ever seen. She also locked me out of our hotel 4 hours from home with no way home at 3 am that same day after an arguement over her saying my husband kills people for a living (he's a chemist who works on developing chemotherapy).
That was the last time I've spoken to her, 4 years ago. Such a jealous woman.
Stupid witch... Red headed babies are adorable! Red heads in general are hot!
Now take it easy on witches :) Most of us are reasonably nice.
Load More Replies...
Urgh, reminds of that awful Katie Hopkins: "ginger babies are like real babies, but so much harder to love" She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. I'm redhead, so are my 2 eldest boys. We're all gorgeous, despite the lack of souls 😉
What a terrible thing to say about the most beautiful and rarest hair colour! That woman is toxic and vile - glad everywhere she goes she gets booted out and banned.
Load More Replies...
My MIL many years ago told me that if I produced a red headed son that she would suffocate “it”! I had a red headed daughter instead.
"The ugliest thing she has ever seen?" ... Hm, has she never looked in a mirror?
that babycomment is just stupid. But I gotta be honest, I would be pretty pissed off, too, if someone compares developingg chemotherapy to killing people for a living. Chemo has saved, or at least substantially prolonged the lives of several people that I know.
I feel like I read something similar to this were the other woman had all red headed babies while the OP had blonde kiddos.
Freak that B...H!!!!! Red headed babies are beautiful. She sounds like a terrible person.
Tell her to kiss my azz !!! My son had red hair when he was born, lots of beautiful red hair and he was just absolutely adorable.
Load More Replies...
Red heads are the kings/queens of the universe. I'm a bottle redhead but have serious natural ginger envy.
I've never understood why people have issues with redheads; it makes no sense to me. I wish I had gotten my mom's red hair but I got dad's dark brown hair. All I got from mom was some red highlights, pale skin and freckles.
I have red heads in my family and they are definitely not ugly! She needs her head examined
Was there a lot of nuts and bolts in this "friend's" home? She sure doesn't seem to have them altogether.
Honest question, how does someone who develops chemotherapy kill people for a living?
Red heads r the cutest! My little cousin (3) is a red head (kinda strawberry blonde but like really red) and he has long curly hair and he is the curse at
People like her are the reason I was scared to have a baby. I'm a natural red and all people would say "imagine if you have one with red hair!" The amount of times people thought it was funny to say "will you ask the doctor to swap it if it's ginger?" Even had a comment or two about drowning my baby if it was ginger. Absolutely NOT an exaggeration, i spent months being scared my baby would be hated by everyone for something they had zero control over. I did have kids and had one dark brown, 2 blonde, I won't lie....I was relieved for their sake 😔
I cut off ties with a former friend after a drunken rant she had. I fully believe things said when drunk tend to be more truthful than sober. In this case, she went on about how disgusting she thought relationships with more than 2-3 years age difference were (my now hubs is 17 years older than me, and she only truly meant man older than woman as she liked to date guys half her age). She also went on about how I shouldn’t get too comfortable in my relationship as I’d end up alone and miserable at some point. Ultimately she was horribly jealous because she’d f’d up her last 3 relationships and blamed the guys, and she actually tried to steal mine early on when she realized he was a genuinely nice guy. (He’s also proof that guys can get out of the friend zone.)
Breaking up with a best friend can be incredibly difficult, if you are used to being in almost constant contact, if you live together, or if it will change the dynamics of your other friendships. But it’s important to remember that a best friend is supposed to be someone you can rely on and always turn to. If you no longer feel that way, maybe it’s time to move on. It can be easy to lose sight of what a good friend really is, but according to Lilianna Hogan at WebMD, there are certain trademark qualities that make a great friend.
Lilianna notes that Aristotle wrote extensively about what makes a good friend and noted the importance of sympathy and mutual caring. There are many ways to exercise those qualities, including making each other feel good and supporting one another. You should always say nice things to your friends and compliment them. Make them feel proud of their accomplishments and support their endeavors. Being around a good friend should leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside, and it should never make you more insecure or lead you to question parts of yourself.
This one's pretty wholesome, I'd have to say it's when he married his wife.
I moved away for college and he stayed in state, he was still dating the woman who would later become his wife. We stayed in contact and everything, but distance is very hard for both of us, so staying in contact meant like a phone call every 4 months or so.
I still think of him as my brother, and I was the best man at his wedding, and during the course of the wedding and reception, and *especially* the video by drone they took of the proposal I realized he had made a new best friend, and now he was marrying her.
They've been together for a little over a year now :)
Aww when I clicked on this article I prepared for toxic relationships and friends being just plain rude. I didn’t prepare for something so cute like this. I still wish that y’all could’ve stayed friends, but I’m glad that it didn’t end toxically.
It is also vital that a good friend accepts and celebrates your differences. It’s great to have some shared interests, but you cannot be the same person. Never try to change a friend, but stay open-minded to trying their hobbies. Regardless of what you think of your differences, there must always be respect. You can encourage your friend in pursuing their separate interests, and they should encourage yours. It's exciting to know that you can teach each other about topics that might be completely new to each of you!
When he ghosted me after I told him I had a tumor that ended up being cancerous.
Another important quality of a valuable friend is being a good listener. You should both be interested in what one another has to say and allow them to finish without interrupting. Whether they are sharing exciting news or opening up about struggles in their personal life, your friend should know that they have a shoulder to lean on and that you will listen and remember what they share. On the same note, good friends are trustworthy. You should feel safe in a friendship knowing that what you share is confidential and will not be judged.
When conflicts inevitably arise over time, you should feel comfortable that respect and boundaries will always be maintained. “Perhaps you will do or say something that will upset your friend. Or maybe they have done something that upset you. Either way, close friends can candidly talk about these things and work through their issues,” Lilianna writes.
When she told me she doesn't like other girls except me cos she likes to be the prettiest girl in the room.
Geez, I had something happen just like that to me. It hurts. Especially because of my body dismorphia. 🫤
When they would talk and talk and talk about themselves but never ask about me
"Best friend" of 7 years "fell in love" with my fiance. When I told him I didnt want to be friends anymore and kicked him out of my life, my fiance left me for him. I'll be honest, i wanted to kill him and almost did.
To maintain a healthy friendship, it’s also important to make time for your friend. If you live in the same city, try to regularly have a movie night or meet for coffee at least once a month to catch up. It’s easy to accidentally allow distance to slip in, but seeing a friend frequently strengthens your bond and deepens your understanding of one another. If you don’t live in the same place, the internet is a powerful thing. Keep in touch via phone or video calls often, and send each other messages when you get the chance. Even a recipe that you know they would enjoy, a cute photo of a dog that made you think of them, or a text reminding them of one of your favorite memories together can be great ways to show that even if you don’t talk every day, they still mean a lot to you.
I found out she was uploading my art to a "bad art blog". I only found out because she sent me 2 paragraphs telling me I was a horrible friend anonymously on tumblr, then when I went to her crying over it wondering who it was she said it was her and then blocked me. I thought I could still fix things but then I found the bad art blog with my art on it, and found out she was talking s**t about me to her other friends.
I was only 15 and even though its been years since it I'm still f****d up by it in some ways.
If you don't like someone, don't pretend to like them and make fun of them behind their backs. Just let them know you feel like you can't be friends anymore and distance yourself. Yeah that will hurt in the short term but it won't monumentally f**k over someones entire psych as being fake will.
That must have sucked! I’m so sorry that happened. Honestly no art is bad. It’s all about opinions. I get improving on your own art, but you don’t get to rub your opinion in someone’s face and make them feel bad. I’m not saying you can have your opinions on art though!
When she called me a ‘s**t’ ‘whore’ etc when her adult brother molested me. We were 12.
When we both tried to get in a frat, i didn't make it and he did which was cool bc we'd still hang out. That is until for the next month him and a few of his new frat pledgees would throw food at me and on at least 4 occasions id be blindsided on campus with them tipping me over, im in a wheelchair. They wore masks so i had no proof to anyone but he was pretty big and i recognized his shoes.
he'd then try to still hang around me and act like he never did anything. I didn't really figure it out til about the 3rd time when they tipped me over and thats when i saw his shoes, confirming it.
About a year later he randomly texted me saying how sorry he was for what he did and hoped we could be friends again but by that time i could care less. Turns out he had gotten kicked out of the frat for drug use and now he couch surfs.
Tipping people in wheelchairs over is possibly the grossest thing I’ve ever heard. What sort of people do that ? Assholes
Aside from the obvious benefits of having someone to confide in and a go-to person to hang out with on Saturday night, healthy friendships can even benefit us psychologically. According to WebMD, some of the best things friendships can do for us are: increase our sense of belonging and purpose, boost our happiness and reduce our stress, improve our self-confidence and self-worth, help us cope with various traumas including divorce, illness, job loss or the death of a loved one, encourage us to adopt healthy habits and avoid unhealthy ones such as drinking or being stagnant, help put our problems into perspective to develop a deeper sense of meaning and direction, increase feelings of security, and ease the emotional impact of difficulties and provide ideas for how to handle hard times.
When she tried to tell me that she understood how I felt about my mum's death the week before, because her parents were getting divorced and she would only be able to see her dad every other weekend.... and then she made it all about how she wasn't sure if she could cope with the depression about to wash over her when he started moving out etc. *I* had to comfort *her*. Not trying to minimise the impact of the divorce on her, I'm sure it hurt a lot, but JFC you can still see your dad, you can talk to him on the phone when you miss him... my mother is *dead*! The two are *not* the same thing.
While they were driving everyone decided they wanted to party. No one had money so they suggested they should call Varvatos he always has money. I was sitting in the back seat. I was like uh I’m right here and I’m not in the mood to party tonight.
My family (me, wife and 3 kids at the time) was in a rough spot, living with a friend a few years ago. I told that friend that if anyone had a problem with my wife, that they had a problem with me.
Word got around. My 'best' friend messaged me on FB asking if what I said was true, instant reply of yes.
Havent heard from him since.
A lot of people had difficulty realizing my wife was disabled. Chronic pain condition called Fibromyalgia, and many friends and family alike thought she was just lazy, didnt want to work and was using me. Most of my family have come around and know this ain't a f*****g joke.
F**k all the rest of them. We've been married 14 years soon, have a great relationship, 4 kids, and despite all the horrific pain and suffering she goes through, we're doing ok for ourselves now.
I don't have much time for friendships these days, so I socialize online for the most part.
Edit: lots of replies being downvoted for no reason...
The sort of people that think calling it FATSOMYALGIA is funny. Those people you can do without
If you realize that you are just not getting what you need out of a friendship anymore, it might be time to think about ending it. Some of the reasons you might want to rethink a friendship are changes in circumstances making the friendship too difficult, growing apart over time, dishonesty, negativity, only being friends out of obligation, rivalry, toxicity, or a difference in values. Arlin Cuncic at Verywell Mind recommends a few methods for stepping away from a friendship including the gradual fade-out, having a talk, taking a break, and ending things immediately. Which course of action is best to take is completely dependent on the nature of the situation, but they can all be done in a healthy way, especially if you benefit from removing yourself.
Best friends for a couple of years. We were in different classes, I wrote her a message that I be on my way to her. When I arrived she forgot to alt tab the chat window with someone else making fun of me at the worst possible way.
At that time she was my only friend. Was tough to have no friends after that for loooong time - this might not sound like a lot but I think that scared me and I'm still struggling making friends
Edit: holy s**t! That wave of responses is just crazy. Thanks for everyone who's reaching out to me. Also, thanks for the silver kind stranger!
when we went out to eat and i offered her to pay (as usual..) because she told me that she forgot her purse - she ordered loads of food and ate only half of it. After leaving her shoelace was loose and she bent over to tie her shoe and a 100$ bill was sticking out of her back pocket. She did this for four years and i never realised. Gave her another chance without sayin a word - three days later i found out she was constantly using my instagram to text my ex boyfriend to end my current realationship. I think she never got slapped so hard.
My friend completely ghosted me after I had my daughter. She never called or texted me. She got angry if I invited her over. Later she told me she was upset with me because I wasn’t paying enough attention to her.
Good riddance.
Arlin recommends that a gradual fade-out might be helpful for people who are afraid of confrontation. It is usually done to avoid any feelings from being hurt, but it can take a long time, especially if your friend is not getting the hint. It allows you to avoid having to explain yourself, but there is always a chance your friend will confront you about it. In any case, they might assume there is a problem with you, rather than thinking they have done anything wrong, so it probably will still accomplish the goal of ending the friendship.
On the other hand, having a talk may sometimes be healthier. If you feel that the friendship might be salvageable or you think your friend will actually listen to what you have to say without becoming defensive, it might be worth having a conversation. This can be done in person or via text, but it is important to talk about how you are feeling, not what the other person has done wrong. Focus on “I” statements, so they don't feel like they are being attacked for their actions.
When my "best friend" had marriage troubles, I was there for him. All through his wife's infidelity, the divorce, and the custody battle. I testified on his behalf in court and he got custody of the kids.
Fast forward 2 years later, when I find out my wife is cheating on me. He's not really interested in talking to me about it so much, and even acts like he's not home when I stop by for a visit. And no, he wasn't the one my wife was cheating with.
He's a good dad and a fun guy to hang around with, but he's just not emotionally available to help other people out much.
Maybe it was uncomfortable for him. Not an excuse but he had been through the same
When I found out she was sleeping with my boyfriend. F*****g b***h.
When I visited my friend of 25 years (bestman, etc.) He got violently drunk and attempted to strangle me in front his screaming family while I begged for life and that my daughters would not be orphans. Because I didnt want to be grabbed. This happened 14 hours ago. Fun times
Suggesting a break can also give you some valuable time to reflect and reevaluate a friendship without making any decisions that you can’t come back from. This can allow you time to calm down if you are emotional and upset or to strategize what your next step will be in the friendship and how to proceed. If you have been spending too much time together, a break can also let you get some perspective. It can be unhealthy to be caught in a bubble for too long. You can suggest a number of reasons for taking a break as well, from being busy for a few weeks to needing to take care of your mental health. Hopefully, the friend will respect your boundaries, and when you are ready to reach out again, you can.
Not my best, but one I was growing closer to.
She left me a voicemail but didn't hang up properly. It was like:
"Hey, WaffleHouseNeedsWifi. I'm with Melissa and we're seein' what you're up to. Call us when you get off work. Bye!" Rustling sounds. "She's probably not even at work. She does this lame-ass s**t where she disappears for days on end. I don't even know why I called her. She's so f**kin' annoying and it'd be better to spend the day with just you."
Okay. Then do.
I listened to it three times just to make bloody certain I heard her 100% right. (It was crystal clear.) When she asked me days later what was up with me, I told her about the voicemail. She proceeded to deny it outright ("I never said anything like that!"), then jump down my throat claiming she was talking about someone else. (What? That didn't even make sense.) Whatever. And people wonder why I disappear.
I love it when they do that or are dumb enough to put it in writing to someone who dons them in. Denials followed by tantrums
When I invited her to hang out with me at the nearby lake for my birthday, she said she would get back to me. She never did, instead she posted on her Snapchat story about how much fun she was having with her other friends. I stopped talking to her after that.
Sometimes I think the real purpose of social media is to disclose all the people in our lives that we are wasting our time on.
When I realized she only wanted to receive support and kindness but never give it. She had a rough home life growing up and I always supported her through everything, I would drop what I was doing when she’d call me in tears to help her.
Then I had my own rough patch that left me in a depressive rut. She was always too busy with her hobbies (not even actual work/school) to even talk to me when I went seeking support. Would get angry when I sent simple “Are you free this weekend?” texts because it was too “needy”.
This is also when I learned who my real best friend was because she saw what was happening, told off this so called “friend”, and gave me all the support I needed.
Edit: Omg this got way more attention than I thought it would. I’m so sorry to see this is such a common ordeal that people have gone through/are going through. I wish everyone the best. We all deserve the support to get us through tough times.
In some cases, especially when dealing with a toxic friend, it is best to end the relationship cold turkey. If someone has hurt you in a way that is irredeemable, you have the power to enforce strict boundaries. Whether it requires blocking their phone number and social media accounts or simply refusing to respond to their calls, only you know when it is healthiest to end a friendship immediately. Try not to become hostile or aggressive as you implement boundaries, but don’t feel guilty about stepping away. A friendship should always make you feel better, and if it is causing you harm or making you feel unsafe, you are better off without the person.
When she got s-faced drunk at my son's (her Godson's) wedding, trashed a hotel room, called me horrible names and punched me closed-fist in the face. She ended up passed out on the grounds of the hotel, came to and was arrested for trespassing because she refused to leave the premises. Days later (via email) blaming me because she didn't realize she was harboring so much "animosity" towards me.
Buh-bye.
When she told me she didn’t want to hang out because my toddler took up too much of my time and I was boring. Then she got knocked up and came to me crying about how hard everything is gonna be now that she’s single and pregnant.
Summary of a one hour phone call.
Me, sobbing : "I have seen my doctor. She diagnosed a burn-out. I need to rest and relax for at least the next few months. I'm sorry, I can't work on our project anymore. It's too much for me".
Her answer : "How dare you? I thought you weren't that weak. We're all tired. You should man up. You're selfish for abandonning us like that. If you quit now, don't even bother contacting me again".
I don't know about you guys, but if my best friend call me sobbing about her health, my first reaction wouldn't be that one.
I agree, this is not the reaction of someone who gives a damn about you.
We know these stories can be hard to read, but we hope that you have never experienced anything similar to them. Everyone deserves to have kind, loving and healthy friendships, and if you are rethinking any of your own, it might be time to take a step back. Keep upvoting the stories that you find most heartbreaking, and then let us know in the comments what a good friend means to you. Feel free to also share with your fellow pandas if you have ever experienced a realization that could be on this list. We hope that any unhealthy friendships are far in your past now.
He was best man at my wedding. We had not much contact for a couple of years, but I still considered him my best friend. I heard about his wedding well after the fact, guess we're not best friends anymore
Best friend of 15 years. It all unraveled the night he told my cousin to kill herself, tried to start a fight with multiple people at my house, and flipped off my mom.
Edit: Yes, he was drunk at the time. No, I'm not reaching out to him. Disrespect to my family is an irredeemable offense in my eyes. He's out of my life completely now.
A mean, vicious drunk person is a mean, vicious sober person who can hide it.
When after my mom passed I made the conscious choice to only be “happy” around her because she let me know on several occasions she didn’t like dealing with other people’s feelings and I didn’t want to burden her — and then a few months later she told me she couldn’t be my friend any longer with no explanation while we were living together and she knew I wasn’t able to move out for a few months longer. She instantly stopped speaking to me unless it was a rude comment and wouldn’t eat anything I cooked (cooking was therapeutic for me and I loved doing it for her and her family).
Still have no explanation on the why she no longer wanted to be friends after 10 years. But... I am marrying her brother in the fall and he’s the most amazing thing to have ever happened to me. So there’s that!
Sorry you had to deal with that-- that kind of thing really hurts, but just remember that its not you, its her.
When I opened up to her about my postpartum depression and she told me that she didn’t have time for depression and it was weak.
I was never vulnerable with her but I was dying inside I needed someone and she had told me she didn’t care.
I began shutting her out then.
Was never the friend you thought she was. Harsh lesson. I hope things are better for you now.
Our conversations were getting shorter and less intriguing. One day, I received great news and wanted to share it to my best friend. I then realized that they deleted and blocked me on facebook.
It sucks I’m gonna get downvoted (something explicitly meant to correct inappropriate behavior, not distaste or disagreement with an opinion) because what the first commenter stated. I’m in agreement that toxic social media isn’t always two-way when it comes to the value placed on it. Maybe friend decided to get rid of Fb or just lock it down to being no more than a placeholder. Either way, my true friends, at least close ones, are people I communicate with outside of Meta/Twitter. It would make sense they lost contact because of a difference in defining “contact” and “communication.” Maybe when noticing they blocked you on Facebook, shoot your BEST friend a text or make a call??? The presumption and lack of context in this post isn’t a good reason that “A Bringhurst” got his BP account suspended. Please be more judicious with downvotes. ✌🏼❤️
Not my best friend but an ex friend of mine:
"Your best friend doesn't have depression, she just has those awful thoughts because she watches horror movies"
Yes, we all know the dreaded “I’m depressed because I just know any minute now this place will be crawling with zombies/axe murderers/hellish lionfish with fourteen legs and the sexual proclivities of the average duck - why carry on living anymore?” phenomenon.
After years of giving me a hard time for eloping, making me promise after my 1st divorce that if I marry again she MUST be invited.... I invited her. She got her mom to babysit her kids, and then went to her ex boyfriends house to f**k all weekend, totally blowing off my wedding.
My wedding was extremely small. Besides my daughter, she was my only invited guest.
She showed me right there exactly how important I was to her.
When he didn't invite me to his birthday party. I went over to drop off a present, thinking he wasn't having a party (hadn't mentioned anything at school) and found him with his better friends.
Edit: Holy s**t this blew up. Doubled my karma. Also don't be too mean please; it was 4th grade and he's not a terrible person.
I had a group that I considered my best friends in middle and high school. I'd been incredibly troubled and depressed, but we all got along and were competitive in academics. They were the people I loved to spend time with. I transferred to a new high school but still saw them all the time.
One day we went to dinner, and plans were to go spend the night at my place after. At dinner, I casually came out.
Suddenly, no one was able to make it to my place for the night.
Damn.. I'm so sorry! In High School I had a sleepover birthday party and invited a few of my friends. One of them had to meet with me about something first. They were very distressed and seemed stuck on something. It dawned on me that she was trying to come out to me and I asked her about it. She said, yes that it was important I know before the sleep over. I Laughed so hard I had tears.. I put my hand on her shoulder and told her I'd known since pretty much the fist time we'd met and that I didn't care. She was a great person! I was sorry to have lost touch with her after I graduated. She was a year below me and my life imploded in college. I did reconnect many years later. We stay in touch, but not like in High School.
When they said that I’m not funny and never have been. They said they only laughed at my jokes out of pity. They then said that no girl would ever like me and that I’m annoying. The thing about girls didn’t hurt that bad but for some reason by them saying I wasn’t funny really hurt. This was after 3 years of being best friends
As someone who really cares about how funny I am, because I’m not very attractive and try to make friends instead, this really hurts. I usually curate my sense of humor to match what people I’m talking to, and it takes work. Ugh just reading this makes me feel sad. 😓
When he showed up to a party with his new girlfriend, who was my ex that I had broken up with less than two weeks prior. He knew that I was really hurt about the break up, as it was a situation where I was really in love with her, but I broke up with her because I kept catching her lying to me and I was about 99% certain she was cheating on me also. When they showed up, I was so pissed off at them that I didn't know what to do, so I excused myself and left the party. The next day, I confronted him about the situation over the phone, and he told me I was the one being the a*****e because he thought I was going to be a "cool bro" and I would be excited for him since he was getting his d**k wet. He then told me that if they didn't work out, we could just go back to being best friends again, as if it worked that way. They ended up breaking up a few weeks later when she started pulling the same s**t on him that she had pulled with me.
I have lived within 2 hours of him for the last 6 years and he has never come to visit me, always me visiting him. Last straw had a huge July 4th bbq and invited him and he declined so he could go to a lake with strangers. F**k you Rick!
We graduated from high school and she went to college halfway across the world. When she came back to visit, when I tried to hang out with her she was always too busy. I later saw tons of pictures posted on Facebook with her and other girls having fun together. So that’s what she was so busy with.
Then at one point she told me that those girls had actually invited me to everything but she convinced them I wouldn’t be able to go. I would have been able to go. I left her alone after that
Edit: I see a lot of speculation in the comments so I’ll try to clear things up - these girls were all people I’d been going to school with since kindergarten or so. We all knew each other. I was on good terms with the other girls. The girl I’d been best friends with since first grade so I felt loyal to her even though as we got older she got meaner. I’ve learned better since then.
I have no idea why she said that but when she said it, it was with no malice or shame or anything. Like she was just offfhandedly stating a fact. I honestly can’t figure out why. Maybe she really did think I was busy and it just came out really, really wrong. But it seems deliberate when you do that consistently for 2-3 weeks while everyone was back home.
She treated you like a napkin rather than as a friend. Move on and find genuine people.
When she invited me out to dinner as a Christmas gift, and then when the check was dropped, told me she actually couldn’t treat bc she had impulse bought her shitty boyfriend a plane ticket when she was drunk the evening before and therefore didn’t have the $$.
Among other things, but this was the moment when I was really like, wow, my friendship means nothing to her.
When he started spreading rumors that I was a f**k boy that was going to shoot up the school despite me never having a girlfriend at that point and am extremely nonviolent.
Not honest enough to just come out and say he didn't want to be friends anymore.
When she completely cut off communication. One day we were hanging out, next day: nothing. I would text, call, no responses. I still dont know what I did wrong
When all the convorsations had to be started by me. When I called him out on it his excuse was "I'm very busy" F**k dude like the rest of us aren't. A text now and then won't kill you
I must flip this because I was the problem, not him. Fell in love with him. Could not reverse my feelings. Shamed of this. He deserved a better friend. Has moved on. I miss him.
​
edit: thank you for messaging me. feels good knowing many of us know this experience. whole thing gave me whiplash. we were friends for almost a decade before a switch flipped and a flip switched for me and it did not go back. i waited for months before i told him, because i wanted to make sure I wasn't confused and that my feelings were not going away. I think I even waited for about a year, IIRC. he was really sound about it. i swear i'm not putting him on top of a pedestal, he handled it all perfectly and treated me very right. he was confused at first, and we tried to be together a few times, on and off I guess. Over a couple of years. Never anything official, we were already so close and had been spending most of our time together anyhow. He was ready ages ago to resume being friends and I tried but we were tumbling down different fields of life at the time. I think he has a kid now. I believe we live in separate countries. We were very close once and had good times and I respect him and hope he continues to be well and happy.
For years, my best friend had asked me every summer to go to this sleepaway summer camp in the Poconos with her but my mother wouldn't ever let me go. The year she finally broke down and said I could go, my bestie and I spent weeks shopping and planning and talking about it nonstop. It was going to be glorious - the final summer before junior high.
After her parents dropped us off, however, this b***h proceeded to flat out ignore me the entire two weeks we were there. She wouldn't even have a two minute conversation with me to tell me what I'd done. I was beyond miserable. All the other kids had been going there every summer and all knew each other and here I was, basically alone in another state, pre-internet and cell phones, totally bewildered and upset because my best friend since kindergarten (and the only other person I knew there) wouldn't so much as look at me. I was miserable. When her parents came to pick us up, I didn't say a damn word the whole two hour trip home and never spoke to her again. To this day I have no idea why the f**k she acted like that but I'm still a little pissed off.
3 of us started hanging out when we were 13 and 14. Lived together in our first incredible small (bunk beds) studio apartment. I was his boss and got him hired at the company he is still at when my boss didn't want me to hire him. (that isn't a reflection on him, he was a great employee, my boss at the time was an idiot.) he was best man at my wedding years later, and as soon as I got married, all ties were cut. I have no idea why, he wouldn't respond to anything from me. I saw him one more time a couple years later at my other friend's wedding. He barely spoke to me and won't reply to anything since then, more than a decade ago. I am still friends with his brother, who came out as gay and was cut off from the entire family. If I had done something, or there was some reason or anything it would be great to know, but he just ended everything for no reason. Years of friendship, not only with me, but with my parents too. He lived at our house on the weekend every weekend for years. He cut off the 3rd member of our trio also, again, for no reason. F**k you, Mark.
My best friend of high school, someone who I thought would be in my life for a long time, started to hit on a girl that I was talking to. He would lie about me to change her opinion of me. And the best part is he never admitted to a thing. Maybe not that bad, but I felt really betrayed.
I went to my boss asking why my best friend was promoted instead of me when I had been working longer and had a better work ethic. Boss told me that my "friend" had told her I wasn't interested in the promotion. My friend and I lived together and had talked about how nice it would be to get the promotion the previous week.
and the boss believed the lies without interviewed you whether you interested or not? sounds like this company will go down the hill having a boss like that
Best friends since birth, our families were friends. The two of us + my brother and her brother spent together every weekend for roughly twenty years. Then she changed. She became super entitled and holier-than-thou.
Final straw was when four years ago she wanted to go to paintball for her birthday and invited both me and my lil brother. My lil bro had an autoimmune disease and could not partecipate. I told her that I would not go either cause I didn't want my teenage brother to feel different.
She flipped the f**k out. Told me I was an a*****e and it was her birthday, and she didn't care that much about my brother.
I got really mad. I wrote her a long, long message and I didn't hold back. She never answered. Cut contact there and then.
Six months after that, my brother almost died. She never came to the hospital or even called. Not me, not him, not my mother.
Been no contact for four years and never looked back.
Edit: I'm not sure if it's clear that *she* cut contact with me, not the other way around.
"Stop following me around I dont even know you"
This sounds like you created a relationship in your head or completely misunderstood a cordial acquaintance.
My coworker was my best friend. Then she became my boss.
I can understand that in some instances this could be awkward, but doesn’t have to be friendship ending
I don’t think I’ve ever actually had one tbh, there always seems to be another friend that they’re closer with than me, and I’m like the third wheel
I've known people whom I believed were my best friends; I was thoroughly disabuse of that notion, and for decades now I don't even try.
I gave this person way too many chances.
When she would only have me come over so she could go to a concert. Because her parents liked me and let us go out.
She stopped talking to me for a while but hit me because she was applying for a job and needed “clean urine”
We stopped talking again. Then she would call me to tell me she needed food and money for her son.
And then bought drugs.
I’ve stopped helping her. And she’s no longer my “best friend” but I listen when she needs to talk and having a hard time. Do the “man, that really sucks”
I don’t hate her. But I’ve set boundaries. I really hope she gets her life together.
Addiction does lead to this sort of behavior. It doesn't excuse it. But please understand it's a mental illness
When he just stopped hanging out with me or talking to me, and hung out with all the "cool kids" instead. Haven't had a friend since, he was my only friend.
She was the only person I had told about being sexually assaulted. When it eventually got out that there were other victims and I went to court she refused to testify, stayed friends with my abuser, and lied to people and sad that I hadn’t told her anything.
I’m still too chicken to completely cut her off but f**k that.
When he told my other friends “f**k him he doesn’t have time to hang out”. I tried to hang out with them as much as possible but That’s what happens when you have work, school, and a GF.
Friend since grade 7, she was going through mental health issues and began talking to me about them.
I'm no expert and had literally learned a few hours before that adults are allowed to call the "kids help phone" and won't be turned away.
I told her this, not to dissuade her from talking to me about it (I made this clear) but she instantly shut me out of her life because she thought "that's what friends were for"
When he stopped hanging out with me to chill with losers who gave him free drugs.
In our final year of university after having a nearly identical schedule for our first three years, we took different electives to finish up our degree. Since we weren't seeing each other every day, we talked less and less. It's not just on him I didn't do enough either, but it kinda sucked realizing that our friendship wasn't going to last up to graduation, and obviously afterwards as well.
Sometimes you just grow apart. Life happens. And that separation just shone a spotlight on that. There are other people out there, waiting to make new friendships. Bon voyage!
When I found out she had been lying to everyone else that I “was busy” or something so I’d never be invited anywhere. 4 years straight. She was my only friend.
When he called me over and like 2 hours in he gets a phone call, says he's going with his friends to Stockholm and ask me to leave
When I told her I was moving in with my boyfriend in a different state, she screamed and swore at me, busted into my room at my home (while I was talking to my boyfriend on discord so he heard the whole thing) saying he would probably rape and kill me, or just dump me on the street when we would eventually break up.
We still live together, and she got over it but it hasn't been the same since.
Maybe she’s jealous? Or insane? Or mentally disabled? No offense
My best friend was always complaining and making everything about herself. I met my boyfriend and moved cities so we could be together. Only after a while did i realise that i was feeling so relieved to stop catering to her needs.
Ah yes, playing the "Poor me!" card. Know it well. Help her to grow up and take responsibility for her life and emotional state.
He was asking for help from my other friends in school for a problem on his computer work, they suggested why not ask me for help since I sat next to him in class and then replied “I’m not asking him he’s f*****g stupid” while I was right near him printing stuff out. I was so surprised I just pretended I didn’t hear anything and went back to my desk. Didn’t speak to him for a while after that.
Extremely homophobic, and I had a crush on her. Smh
She had a chance to broaden her life experience and change her rigid attitudes by being your friend - but I don't blame you for bailing. Would have been a hard road for you. Hope you find love with someone who will appreciate you for who you are.
Best friend for 15 years stomped my head in while I was drunk and left me for dead til someone called an ambulance.
This is f*****g horrible, but no red flags throughout the friendship? No character flaws or personality traits that suggested one’s closest friend was a homicidal maniac or at least had extremely violent tendencies? People typically present obvious clues unless it’s a momentary act of rage stemming from psychosis. Regardless, this is just sick and sad.
When I got an internship at my dream job and she started to pull away more and more until two months went by and I realized she ignored most of my texts and snapchats. After the internship I tried to contact her a few times thinking it was just a product of her being busy with graduation/me being in another state working crazy hours but a mutual friend stepped in and told me she didn't want to be friends with me anymore.
​
I considered her family, she decided I was very replaceable. It hurt a lot more considering we both used to bond over the fact that our childhoods were filled with "best friends" dumping us for more popular people.
As I said in the previous section, friends come and go. It's part of life.
When my girlfriend left me my best friend at the time said "it's cool man, I f****d her, you don't want trash like that in your life." He was right.
I've had this happen twice in my life. The first one lacked any defining moment. We had grown up together and been best friends for well over a decade, but after college he moved to another state so we never saw each other. Still talked every day and played video games together several times a week. But I noticed after awhile that I was always the one to initiate conversations and ask for us to play games. So, I just got curious one day how long it would take for him to say hi for once or start a game. After two years of not talking with him I finally removed him from my friends list. In hindsight, I should have talked with him about things and why it hurt my feelings, but early 20's is still basically a kid. I lacked a lot of maturity.
Second time was after my divorce. I moved in with my best friend at the time, a man who I called my brother. I was going through a lot, not just the divorce. Like having to apply for disability and my mom being terminally ill. Meanwhile he had recently started taking testosterone and gotten married to a woman who insisted on "traditional values" and him being the "man of the house." Which all translated to him being an insensitive a*****e who kept calling me lazy and accusing me of mooching off him, despite the fact that I was doing all the housework and had taken the initiative to reorganize both his books and his magic collection for him. He kicked me out after a month. For context, like 5 years before he had been really ill, hospitalized for weeks, and I moved in to take care of him when nobody else would, even giving the bastard sponge baths. I wiped his literal a*s for him and he couldn't handle the fact that somedays my disabled a*s had to skip doing dishes and catch up when I felt better later. And he got my food stamps. I doubt I made his electric and water bills go up that much to get so pissy and accuse me of mooching.
Both of you had the chance to practise compassion and generosity in each other's lives - you did, he didn't. The shortcomings were his and his wife's - not yours. Hope life is better now for your Mum and yourself. Great love to you both.
Was gonna make a throwaway, but F that.
Last year. HE was in my town and ran into my son at a local store.
My son: "Does my dad know you are in town?"
Guy: "No. He's an a*****e."
Now, I may be an a*****e. But an a*****e down a best friend now.
Sounds petty but we had a fall out over seeing Frozen in the cinema. We both loved Tangled so wanted to see the Frozen together but she couldn’t afford the ticket, so my sister and I paid for her.
Come the day she messages me saying her mum grounded her so she can’t come out. I call her home phone to convince her mum to let her come out and got the response ‘oh she’s at her grandparents right now, I hope you enjoy the film’.
I cried to my mum about it, and my mum helped me understand that my friendship was just toxic, I had been stood up or lied to too many times. Couldn’t refund the ticket but it became my mum’s favourite film so it was worth it.
Should have realised she wasn’t my best friend sooner when she told me she was grounded on my birthday so couldn’t come but instead went out to have sex with her boyfriend.
Edit: We were both 17 at the time for those asking
When I was 14 I became great friends with a girl in my class called Kirsty. We spent all our time together, I stayed at her house every weekend. Of course I assumed we were best friends. One day I asked her to do something and she didn't want to (can't remember what). So I said, "Please, best friend." To which she replied, "You aren't my best friend, Rhiannon is my best friend!" Ouch.
When he f****d my son's mother, who was also my girlfriend at the time, in my home, while I was at work. (Edited for clarity.)
It was in 8th grade when he said "I don't even really like that guy" after being asked why he hung out with me. It was in Xbox Live party chat and he didn't realize I was in the party. Left the chat after he said that and never spoke with him again.
Think of all the people out there who may be your friends one day! Friends do come and go. Not every friendship is lifelong. Everyone has their hearts bruised now and then. Good luck.
Telling his brother after I had called to talk for a bit like we always did "I told you to say I'm not home if pootis_panser_here called....." Was upset but it also clued me in to not waste time on that person anymore. Just told him not to worry and that I would talk to him later. Never did, just left it at that.
My senior year of high school, when the group of "friends" had inside jokes about me. They made a game of mentioning these jokes in front of me. When it finally got out I pretty much never talked to them again. After graduation, never seen again.
When my ex broke up with me and I was looking for people to talk to. Not a call, not a message, not a word about it from him while other friends were genuinely worried.
Nah, instead the guy just starts hanging out with my ex more.
Not like I listened to all the s**t you had going on and tried to help you through it, but oh well.
When my other best friend informed me and my now wife that my now wife was just a pity f**k and she wanted to drop molly and then hook up with me while I was in a long term relationship. We had been best friends for 10 years. Haven't spoken to her since. Chick was crazy.
When I stopped dismissing all of his insults as jokes and finally got up the courage to report him to the counselor. He called me mean and said I betrayed him, although he was an a*****e.
This was in 4th grade btw.
Bully in friend's clothing - you were just his straight guy, the patsy. Glad you had the courage to out him. Hope you have better true friends now.
When she came into my place of work (bar) with a bunch of her friends and when I tried to sit with her and tell her something that was going on with me she basically shut me down and said something like “they’re trying to have a good time I don’t want negative energy” and then after that only talked to me when she wanted me to like Instagram pictures , or support her buisness.
...She used to say some really racist s**t.
I mean appallingly racist. It was incredibly ironic considering she was one of the girls that grew up listening to a lot of rap and some RnB. I think she had some serious issues.
Neither her mom or her dad seemed all that racist, but she sure as hell was.
All that sort of nonsense comes from a place of fear in the heart. "I'm not good enough", "no one can love me", "difference is danger" and so on. Souls eventually grow out of this sort of illusion as they gain broader life experience. Be courageous and speak your truth. Great love to you.
When he became a "failure to launch" type person and lost what little motivation he had in life. He was always... under motivated when we were younger, but after failing out of college by simply not going to class, getting fired from the job I helped him get (TWICE FROM THE SAME JOB!!), and sitting on unemployment for nearly 2 years, I just can't be around that kind of person.
Guy still thinks the best years of his life were junior year of high school.
He's 35 now and lives with his mother.
Last time I saw him all he'd talk about were things I couldn't remember from literally half a lifetime ago for me. Dude, i'm really sorry but that "awesome time we played that one round of Mario Party 3" kinda doesn't stand out.
Trips down memory lane are nice, but when they are held as the "golden age", it's just not interesting.
Couple that with no motivation to better himself, lose the other person he carries every day in weight (dudes at least 450lb / 200 kg).
Working 25 hours a week is not a "busy life" when your Mom takes care of everything else...
Oh, also, he tries to pick up 19 year old girls ALL... THE... TIME... and that's been his "type "ever since he passed that age bracket.
Edit: Many of you are mentioning depression, and I initially chalked a lot of this up to that, but there's a willful aspect to him not wanting to drive or succeed. He's cool with being the 35 year old virgin, smoking weed, working part time and n living 2 decades ago over and over.
If he’s cool with his life, who are you to judge? Can’t you simply accept him for the person he is? I understand that people drift apart over time and that you may not share any interests anymore, but you seem to be rather negative towards his lifestyle, which whilst unhealthy, is his choice. No one should HAVE to change who they are to please others.
I took her to Vegas for her bachelorette party. I was the maid of honor, everyone else bailed except for one other bridesmaid so I drove us there from AZ. She said she didn’t care what we did so I got us hooked up with a table that night to see Dillion Francis and we spent the day at a pool party before hand. We took a nap in the room before that night and she apparently got locked out of the room (which was in her name) but never called either of us who were sleeping. She was incredibly mad at me and she and the other girl flew home the next morning while I was still asleep and left me to drive home by myself
When I noticed the pattern of love-bombing, showing no regard for my time, and only coming to me when she needed me to do something for her. I started noticing I didnt feel good while around her, and she was constantly trying to change me. I dont blame her, and I feel bad because I know she has a hard time making/keeping friends, but I feel like it's because she's trying way too hard.
I work with someone like this. I like her, and I know her history, so I get why she is the way she is. I just don't trust her.
When they choked me at a football game because I didn’t let them cover my mouth with duct tape.
Brother-in-law became my stalker and I was just always prepared for him to murder me. I try venting and she interrupted with: I went on a date last night and it was probably the best date of my life.
No apology. Nothing but worry I would be upset because his name was the same as a shitty ex of mine.
I had an exceptionally close friend in high school. We'd talk on the phone several times a week and share our innermost thoughts and feelings but we mostly joked around and talked about music and our classes. Lots of people thought we were dating or should date but we both maintained it was platonic. The closer I got to her the further I drifted from my other friends, not to mention my family who she didn't really care for. It obviously added some baggage to any romantic relationship I found myself in. When we went off to separate colleges we had a lot of time apart. I ended up going to therapy for my depression and my therapist pointed out that although the friendship had its merits, it wasn't exactly healthy. The thought had honestly never crossed my mind before! I thought she was exaggerating but kept in the back of my mind.
On the drive back from a strange day trip to see her, it just hit me how toxic this friendship really was. This person was incredibly nice to me, but she subtly lead me to believe that it was us against the world, that I couldn't really trust anyone like her. I wouldn't jump to calling it abuse but it was definitely fucky. I ended up ghosting her the next week. At first I felt guilty about it but ultimately I think it was the right move for both of us.
Manipulation and mind control is not friendship. Glad you woke up. Well done to your therapist for picking up on it and warning you.
All these stories remind me of the line : "I had imaginary friends when I was a kid. They were real people - I just imagined they were my friends."
I read through most of these and all I can say from my life experiences, I've cut toxic people out of my life, because they were nothing but a drain on my mental, emotional and sometimes physical well-being. Get rid of anyone toxic in your life and move on, because you're worth it and deserve better. I can count the number of people I truly love, rely on and confide in and vice versa on one hand and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I've cut toxic family out of my life. I don't miss them one iota.
Load More Replies...
I had a best friend in elementary school who started bullying me when she made a new best friend. 25-odd years later she sent me a letter apologizing and asking me to hang out because her daughter was going through the same thing. To be honest before that letter I didn’t even really remember her. My parents always say I went from outgoing happy child to weird quiet loner rather suddenly as a child, maybe that was why! In any case I didn’t care much one way or the other but I put off responding too long and lost the address, I hope her daughter is doing fine now. People are constantly changing and drifting in and out of eachother’s lives, it’s just the natural way of things and trying to hold on to a failing friendship is a waste of energy, but so is holding grudges (too long).
She sounds like the sort of person who doesn't believe something is real or serious until it happens to her.
Load More Replies...
I didn't read through all the misery. But I say one thing: if something like this happens to you, don't keep the agony alive by regurgitating it for months or years. It happened, it was bad, but don't make a life sentence for yourself out of it! Your value does not depend on somebody else's opinion or behaviour. Move on, no matter how hard or how small steps you are able to take. Yes - you can do this! I think you are a hero if you are willing to at least try!
And get therapy. If it doesn't work try a new therapist. I didn't heal until I found a new therapist.
Load More Replies...
The time I found out that my friends ended up being complete d-bags was when they ended up cyberbullying me on this forum I was part of, which was utterly humiliating because obviously other people were reading the posts. It got so bad that my mother had to interfere and threatened to call the police if they didn't stop. Prior to that incident, those "friends" and I had a horrible falling-out. Weeks (maybe months later) without communication, they initiated an attack against me, despite clearly telling me that they didn't want drama; all because I mentioned that I was starting to recover and feel better from the sh!tshow that happened when we had a falling-out. It was also revealed to me that those bastards were lying and manipulating me too before we parted ways. Needless to say, it all really traumatized me and left me suicidal for about two years. 13 years later, and still haven't fully recovered. But I know that I don't owe them s**t because they became what they denied being.
I see a lot of posts here about giving all of the time to a friend and then expecting the friend to reciprocate in rare times of need. I can relate; I've had several friendships/relationships in the past like this. I eventually realized that if I'm the giver and the friend is a taker, then that is what becomes expected and we are a match that way. Then, when I expected/needed the friend to be there for me, that was a totally foreign concept in our friendship and suddenly we were no longer a match. Habitual takers are not capable of giving.
I realised when my Mum died and I was coping with my relapsing/remitting MS becoming secondary progressive that she had no interest, not one word of comfort, she just wanted the gossip so she could pretend to be important in the ‘drama’. I had noticed her being gossipy before and made a point of pointing out peoples good traits hoping she would say one nice thing about someone, she sometimes agreed and I thought she’d be more aware. But really she only jumps from friend to friend to bad mouth the other. It’s a horrible way to behave, to turn your friends dirt into juicy gossip for anyone that will listen but she plays the sweet innocent cry-y one so well. That and she was cold when I got a new man, she even voiced what it would be like if he dated her, like once I die she can just move in on him…that was pretty shocking and gross. Oh well, bye Rachel, life is so much sweeter without a constant b*tch.
I had a friend from childhood - ages 7-10, who I reconnected with a few times in large blocks over the past several decades - late 20's, early 40's, and finally mid-50's. We'd go out and dine, drink, have adventures, nothing too bad. We talked about everything. It felt like a BFF relationship. But he started a pattern about 8 years ago - we only got together when he was broke but thirsty. He'd come by my 'hood and text me he was at 'xyz pub' and would I join him? - He was down on his luck, and I'm a generous fool by nature, so I didn't really have a problem with it. But it got worse, he'd miss meetups by being 'asleep on the couch and his girlfriend couldn't wake him' - i.e. passed out. He kept asking for a huge 'loan' and kept forgetting that I said 'no'. I finally realized he was circling the drain and I cut him off and blocked his number. When I was working in Costa Rica, a year or so later, he called and left a drunken voicemail threatening to beat the c**p out of me. The End.
The clear cut "oh. wow. It is suddenly 100% clear you are not a friend - just wasted time" has happened with two different people. One had, happily sponged off me for any and all emotional support (including, someone to talk to when they were in jail, someone who they could sob to whenever a relationship ended, etc. etc.) - the ONE time I needed emotional support (bad breakup, abusive relationship, mental health was BAD) he started 'joking' about how since I'm an oldest child I'm the uglier one (???) ... and then he got REALLY offended that I didn't find that funny... or helpful. The other ex-friend - started making it clear that I was the "last option" for everything "Everyone has seen that movie/already tried that new place/else is busy"... then asked their 'new friends' to RATE me as a person - And again, somehow, *I*was the villain for mentioning that I found this really not cool.
I dropped my best friend when I realised that most of my mental problems came from them blaming me for their suicide attempts (others were bullying them for a crush I supposedly had on them over 5 years ago) and them threatening to commit suicide for years whenever I didn't do what they want.
Husband's best friend's wife. I thought we were friends, silly me. She was away doing an internship and we were chatting. I mentioned that we'd have to get together for lunch when she got home, whenever. She tells me that she won't have time. Plenty of time for her college friends, work friends, dive club friends. I guess I'm just not smart enough for her (PhD in psychology vs housewife). She doesn't have to tell me twice.
I used to have a good friend. I used to help him with homework in middle school. Turns out he was bullying me and using me for answers. I was so blind I still hate myself for not realizing.
It was middle school. I can tell you from personal experience: adults do dumb stuff, too. So forgive yourself. Nothing wrong with being kind. Just pay attention to whether or not the person is actually improving and trying to get answers on their own. One trick: get them to do something on their own after you teach them. If they're scared (it's okay to be nervous), tell them it's okay to make mistakes. If they say, "Can YOU do it for me?" they are using you.
Load More Replies...
I used to have two best friends , they both knew about eachother but had never met, when I married my husband they both hated him so they found eachother on social media and started talking smack about me, then both ghosted me and became friends with eachother
We're they married themselves or had a relationship? Because it sounds like they're very jealous of your husband and you.
Load More Replies...
This was very timely. I've been going through it mentally lately about the few close friendships I have and the realization I put way more effort and invest so much more care and effort in them than I receive back. Unfortunately it took a very traumatizing miscarriage a few months ago and not receiving any messages to check in after telling my best friend and a few other close friends to come to this. I guess I'm just meant to be the support for others and not worth any in return. Its been hard struggling through that mental and emotional realization.
its posts like these that make me truly appreciate that i dont have any friends at all
When I realized that I felt tired and not very well after spending time with "my bff". When I finally noticed that she was blaming and criticizing too often, questioning everything I said (even simple animal facts). That I helped her with many things and that she didn't return the favor. The straw was when we started a band, at each rehearsal we had to listen to her, but never me and many other little things that made me feel bad. When I wrote to her to say that I was quitting, that I felt sad, that I had cried after the last meeting, and that it wasn't working for me, she yelled at me, because I didn't tell her the right way (her way) and when she had to (when she decides) that I felt bad. After 1 month, I sent her a postcard to break the silence, she blamed me for not doing it sooner and not just sending her a message, while she either didn't write or call me for 1 month.We meet again, but she hasn't stopped making reproaches and criticisms, she's still a pal, but no longer a friend.
In 2000 my father died of a brain tumor. "In mid 2001 my mother died of a brain tumor. 7 months after my mother's funeral, my husband left me and our sons (then 9 & 6) for his girlfriend. When things were still "fine", we were part of a larger group of friends (about 15-20 people)... some of whom I had considered close friends and we knew most of them more than 10 years. I guess I was wrong, because a few weeks after my husband moved out, I was alone. Nobody called, nobody visited me to ask how I was doing after the breakup. I guess I wasn't very entertaining... surprisingly. To clarify some things. I had no car and no driving license (not unusual in my country). I couldn't work full time because of the kids and was paid very little alimony because my ex wasn't earning much.
I’ve grown distant from some people with whom I was close as a kid, but that’s more a factor of life taking us in different directions. I never had a large circle and that’s ok with me - I don’t have that kind of energy. The person I had the most obvious “it’s definitely over” moment with was my ex-husband. There were prior issues, but the nail in the coffin was his jealousy over me spending time with my father who was dying from ALS. He’s not a complete AH - this was before the bucket challenge and a lot of people had no idea just how devastating the disease is - it just proved to be too much for me. We had an amicable divorce but I don’t maintain contact.
I betrayed my best friend. I’m 100% to blame for the split. She actually forgave me. I didn’t forgive me. It’s been 10 years since we parted ways and even though it felt like the end of the world back then, it was for the best. I’ve had most of my best memories with her and I’m forever grateful for all she gave me.
Paid all my bills, had a roommate wait till 8pm on Xmas eve to kick me out cuz his gf now wife said she would only move in if I was gone.
Found out fairly recently that a"friend" I grew up with and considered my brother spent years trying to sabotage my relationship with my then girlfriend. He didn't succeed, we are married and have been together for 16 years. But finding out all of his lies and attempts to discredit me over the years. I gave this guy a place to live when he didn't have one. I drove him when he lost his license. I fixed his vehicles for him because he didn't know anything about fixing vehicles. And the entire time he's trying to get with my wife/girlfriend and spreading lies. I know all about your c**p brad.
I've lost a lot of friends over petty, poorly communicated situations, where I am the one dropped. Really f***s with you as it can seem like *you're the problem then. I don't think so.. but again, f***s you up into thinking how you could have done things differently but realizing they never did anything differently themselves.. either. Making the effort and such. I'd match the enegy and get dropped.
I don't have many friends. My best friend currently lives in a different country but we still talk and we get along amazingly. At my previous job, I got very close to this girl. To the point that she invited me to be her maid of honour and I went to her country for her wedding with my boyfriend and a couple of other people from work. She didn't spend 1 day with us there. It's, I understand she was busy with the wedding but I was there to help too but it didn't happen. She wanted a different hen do so I paid myself for a scavengers hunt and a party at one of the girls' house. I bought a wooden box that I decorated by hand to put everything from the hen do to give to her. She only shared pictures of the hen do she had in her country and no mention of all the work I've done for her... it's ok, I got over it. Then I moved house and was very tired, I mentioned it to her because I was doing most of it alone and only after all was done I realised she never offered to help. Continuing.
We did help her when they moved house. I also found her talking behind my back at work. She never supported my side business. She never supported me to be honest. It's sad to see these things later on.
Load More Replies...
there was a few that made me want to stop being friends with them one was when i was going through depression and they told me that if i dont snap out of it they and my other group of friends will not want to talk to me anymore but i guess the last straw was when their family member passed on we had been friends for over 20 years and we had always said ever since we were kids that if something happened to their family then we would get a place and live together but when it happened rather than go by our plan they chose to live with someone else for no other reason other than they smoked the devils lettuce and living with this person meant they could have it all the time and also this persons parents would buy all their groceries for them. I realised after this that i would rather be lonely than be their friend since then i met someone else who is my new bestie and is soo different they make me feel amazing when im with them they care about me support me through everything
I found out one of my best friends of my whole life was making excuses. Let me break it down for you: We made plans for saturday this day of, she doesn’t write me all day, and then tells me her phone died and they were all out and about all day and if they could move the time tomorrow (this is during summer holiday), because she forgot she already had plans to go to another friends house. I don’t think much of it and agree. Than the next day, she tells me she can’t go because her room is far too messy and she has a rule that her room must be very clean before sleepovers. But the thing is, she texted that in the morning, when she’d presumably still be at her friends house or just getting back, and if she stayed at a friends house, than wouldn’t she have had to clean her room the day before? but i said it was fine and we haven’t talked much since, because I’m also the main conversation starter (red flag 🚩🚩)
I had a best friend through high school. We were extremely close and did everything together. She had a wonderful boyfriend who was also a good friend of mine. In the last few weeks of our last year school, during exam time, we were busy studying and didn’t see much of each other but I did think it was weird she hadn’t tried to contact me at all once I finished exams (she finished earlier than me). I was doing a shift at the local cinema when who should arrive at the desk but my friend, with another random guy from school, with tickets for a movie they were not old enough to see. I got someone else to tear their tickets while I went and cleaned something. I don’t think she ever really realised the position she put me in, that day, as an employee and as a friend of her boyfriend. Things were never the same between us again.
My former BFF was a complete backstabbing ish from Jr high to 2009 when she revealed I'm too poor to be her maid of honor. We don't talk anymore. I wouldn't pee in her mouth if get throat was on fire.
All these stories remind me of the line : "I had imaginary friends when I was a kid. They were real people - I just imagined they were my friends."
I read through most of these and all I can say from my life experiences, I've cut toxic people out of my life, because they were nothing but a drain on my mental, emotional and sometimes physical well-being. Get rid of anyone toxic in your life and move on, because you're worth it and deserve better. I can count the number of people I truly love, rely on and confide in and vice versa on one hand and I'm perfectly fine with that.
I've cut toxic family out of my life. I don't miss them one iota.
Load More Replies... I had a best friend in elementary school who started bullying me when she made a new best friend. 25-odd years later she sent me a letter apologizing and asking me to hang out because her daughter was going through the same thing. To be honest before that letter I didn’t even really remember her. My parents always say I went from outgoing happy child to weird quiet loner rather suddenly as a child, maybe that was why! In any case I didn’t care much one way or the other but I put off responding too long and lost the address, I hope her daughter is doing fine now. People are constantly changing and drifting in and out of eachother’s lives, it’s just the natural way of things and trying to hold on to a failing friendship is a waste of energy, but so is holding grudges (too long).
She sounds like the sort of person who doesn't believe something is real or serious until it happens to her.
Load More Replies... I didn't read through all the misery. But I say one thing: if something like this happens to you, don't keep the agony alive by regurgitating it for months or years. It happened, it was bad, but don't make a life sentence for yourself out of it! Your value does not depend on somebody else's opinion or behaviour. Move on, no matter how hard or how small steps you are able to take. Yes - you can do this! I think you are a hero if you are willing to at least try!
And get therapy. If it doesn't work try a new therapist. I didn't heal until I found a new therapist.
Load More Replies... The time I found out that my friends ended up being complete d-bags was when they ended up cyberbullying me on this forum I was part of, which was utterly humiliating because obviously other people were reading the posts. It got so bad that my mother had to interfere and threatened to call the police if they didn't stop. Prior to that incident, those "friends" and I had a horrible falling-out. Weeks (maybe months later) without communication, they initiated an attack against me, despite clearly telling me that they didn't want drama; all because I mentioned that I was starting to recover and feel better from the sh!tshow that happened when we had a falling-out. It was also revealed to me that those bastards were lying and manipulating me too before we parted ways. Needless to say, it all really traumatized me and left me suicidal for about two years. 13 years later, and still haven't fully recovered. But I know that I don't owe them s**t because they became what they denied being.
I see a lot of posts here about giving all of the time to a friend and then expecting the friend to reciprocate in rare times of need. I can relate; I've had several friendships/relationships in the past like this. I eventually realized that if I'm the giver and the friend is a taker, then that is what becomes expected and we are a match that way. Then, when I expected/needed the friend to be there for me, that was a totally foreign concept in our friendship and suddenly we were no longer a match. Habitual takers are not capable of giving.
I realised when my Mum died and I was coping with my relapsing/remitting MS becoming secondary progressive that she had no interest, not one word of comfort, she just wanted the gossip so she could pretend to be important in the ‘drama’. I had noticed her being gossipy before and made a point of pointing out peoples good traits hoping she would say one nice thing about someone, she sometimes agreed and I thought she’d be more aware. But really she only jumps from friend to friend to bad mouth the other. It’s a horrible way to behave, to turn your friends dirt into juicy gossip for anyone that will listen but she plays the sweet innocent cry-y one so well. That and she was cold when I got a new man, she even voiced what it would be like if he dated her, like once I die she can just move in on him…that was pretty shocking and gross. Oh well, bye Rachel, life is so much sweeter without a constant b*tch.
I had a friend from childhood - ages 7-10, who I reconnected with a few times in large blocks over the past several decades - late 20's, early 40's, and finally mid-50's. We'd go out and dine, drink, have adventures, nothing too bad. We talked about everything. It felt like a BFF relationship. But he started a pattern about 8 years ago - we only got together when he was broke but thirsty. He'd come by my 'hood and text me he was at 'xyz pub' and would I join him? - He was down on his luck, and I'm a generous fool by nature, so I didn't really have a problem with it. But it got worse, he'd miss meetups by being 'asleep on the couch and his girlfriend couldn't wake him' - i.e. passed out. He kept asking for a huge 'loan' and kept forgetting that I said 'no'. I finally realized he was circling the drain and I cut him off and blocked his number. When I was working in Costa Rica, a year or so later, he called and left a drunken voicemail threatening to beat the c**p out of me. The End.
The clear cut "oh. wow. It is suddenly 100% clear you are not a friend - just wasted time" has happened with two different people. One had, happily sponged off me for any and all emotional support (including, someone to talk to when they were in jail, someone who they could sob to whenever a relationship ended, etc. etc.) - the ONE time I needed emotional support (bad breakup, abusive relationship, mental health was BAD) he started 'joking' about how since I'm an oldest child I'm the uglier one (???) ... and then he got REALLY offended that I didn't find that funny... or helpful. The other ex-friend - started making it clear that I was the "last option" for everything "Everyone has seen that movie/already tried that new place/else is busy"... then asked their 'new friends' to RATE me as a person - And again, somehow, *I*was the villain for mentioning that I found this really not cool.
I dropped my best friend when I realised that most of my mental problems came from them blaming me for their suicide attempts (others were bullying them for a crush I supposedly had on them over 5 years ago) and them threatening to commit suicide for years whenever I didn't do what they want.
Husband's best friend's wife. I thought we were friends, silly me. She was away doing an internship and we were chatting. I mentioned that we'd have to get together for lunch when she got home, whenever. She tells me that she won't have time. Plenty of time for her college friends, work friends, dive club friends. I guess I'm just not smart enough for her (PhD in psychology vs housewife). She doesn't have to tell me twice.
I used to have a good friend. I used to help him with homework in middle school. Turns out he was bullying me and using me for answers. I was so blind I still hate myself for not realizing.
It was middle school. I can tell you from personal experience: adults do dumb stuff, too. So forgive yourself. Nothing wrong with being kind. Just pay attention to whether or not the person is actually improving and trying to get answers on their own. One trick: get them to do something on their own after you teach them. If they're scared (it's okay to be nervous), tell them it's okay to make mistakes. If they say, "Can YOU do it for me?" they are using you.
Load More Replies... I used to have two best friends , they both knew about eachother but had never met, when I married my husband they both hated him so they found eachother on social media and started talking smack about me, then both ghosted me and became friends with eachother
We're they married themselves or had a relationship? Because it sounds like they're very jealous of your husband and you.
Load More Replies... This was very timely. I've been going through it mentally lately about the few close friendships I have and the realization I put way more effort and invest so much more care and effort in them than I receive back. Unfortunately it took a very traumatizing miscarriage a few months ago and not receiving any messages to check in after telling my best friend and a few other close friends to come to this. I guess I'm just meant to be the support for others and not worth any in return. Its been hard struggling through that mental and emotional realization.
its posts like these that make me truly appreciate that i dont have any friends at all
When I realized that I felt tired and not very well after spending time with "my bff". When I finally noticed that she was blaming and criticizing too often, questioning everything I said (even simple animal facts). That I helped her with many things and that she didn't return the favor. The straw was when we started a band, at each rehearsal we had to listen to her, but never me and many other little things that made me feel bad. When I wrote to her to say that I was quitting, that I felt sad, that I had cried after the last meeting, and that it wasn't working for me, she yelled at me, because I didn't tell her the right way (her way) and when she had to (when she decides) that I felt bad. After 1 month, I sent her a postcard to break the silence, she blamed me for not doing it sooner and not just sending her a message, while she either didn't write or call me for 1 month.We meet again, but she hasn't stopped making reproaches and criticisms, she's still a pal, but no longer a friend.
In 2000 my father died of a brain tumor. "In mid 2001 my mother died of a brain tumor. 7 months after my mother's funeral, my husband left me and our sons (then 9 & 6) for his girlfriend. When things were still "fine", we were part of a larger group of friends (about 15-20 people)... some of whom I had considered close friends and we knew most of them more than 10 years. I guess I was wrong, because a few weeks after my husband moved out, I was alone. Nobody called, nobody visited me to ask how I was doing after the breakup. I guess I wasn't very entertaining... surprisingly. To clarify some things. I had no car and no driving license (not unusual in my country). I couldn't work full time because of the kids and was paid very little alimony because my ex wasn't earning much.
I’ve grown distant from some people with whom I was close as a kid, but that’s more a factor of life taking us in different directions. I never had a large circle and that’s ok with me - I don’t have that kind of energy. The person I had the most obvious “it’s definitely over” moment with was my ex-husband. There were prior issues, but the nail in the coffin was his jealousy over me spending time with my father who was dying from ALS. He’s not a complete AH - this was before the bucket challenge and a lot of people had no idea just how devastating the disease is - it just proved to be too much for me. We had an amicable divorce but I don’t maintain contact.
I betrayed my best friend. I’m 100% to blame for the split. She actually forgave me. I didn’t forgive me. It’s been 10 years since we parted ways and even though it felt like the end of the world back then, it was for the best. I’ve had most of my best memories with her and I’m forever grateful for all she gave me.
Paid all my bills, had a roommate wait till 8pm on Xmas eve to kick me out cuz his gf now wife said she would only move in if I was gone.
Found out fairly recently that a"friend" I grew up with and considered my brother spent years trying to sabotage my relationship with my then girlfriend. He didn't succeed, we are married and have been together for 16 years. But finding out all of his lies and attempts to discredit me over the years. I gave this guy a place to live when he didn't have one. I drove him when he lost his license. I fixed his vehicles for him because he didn't know anything about fixing vehicles. And the entire time he's trying to get with my wife/girlfriend and spreading lies. I know all about your c**p brad.
I've lost a lot of friends over petty, poorly communicated situations, where I am the one dropped. Really f***s with you as it can seem like *you're the problem then. I don't think so.. but again, f***s you up into thinking how you could have done things differently but realizing they never did anything differently themselves.. either. Making the effort and such. I'd match the enegy and get dropped.
I don't have many friends. My best friend currently lives in a different country but we still talk and we get along amazingly. At my previous job, I got very close to this girl. To the point that she invited me to be her maid of honour and I went to her country for her wedding with my boyfriend and a couple of other people from work. She didn't spend 1 day with us there. It's, I understand she was busy with the wedding but I was there to help too but it didn't happen. She wanted a different hen do so I paid myself for a scavengers hunt and a party at one of the girls' house. I bought a wooden box that I decorated by hand to put everything from the hen do to give to her. She only shared pictures of the hen do she had in her country and no mention of all the work I've done for her... it's ok, I got over it. Then I moved house and was very tired, I mentioned it to her because I was doing most of it alone and only after all was done I realised she never offered to help. Continuing.
We did help her when they moved house. I also found her talking behind my back at work. She never supported my side business. She never supported me to be honest. It's sad to see these things later on.
Load More Replies... there was a few that made me want to stop being friends with them one was when i was going through depression and they told me that if i dont snap out of it they and my other group of friends will not want to talk to me anymore but i guess the last straw was when their family member passed on we had been friends for over 20 years and we had always said ever since we were kids that if something happened to their family then we would get a place and live together but when it happened rather than go by our plan they chose to live with someone else for no other reason other than they smoked the devils lettuce and living with this person meant they could have it all the time and also this persons parents would buy all their groceries for them. I realised after this that i would rather be lonely than be their friend since then i met someone else who is my new bestie and is soo different they make me feel amazing when im with them they care about me support me through everything
I found out one of my best friends of my whole life was making excuses. Let me break it down for you: We made plans for saturday this day of, she doesn’t write me all day, and then tells me her phone died and they were all out and about all day and if they could move the time tomorrow (this is during summer holiday), because she forgot she already had plans to go to another friends house. I don’t think much of it and agree. Than the next day, she tells me she can’t go because her room is far too messy and she has a rule that her room must be very clean before sleepovers. But the thing is, she texted that in the morning, when she’d presumably still be at her friends house or just getting back, and if she stayed at a friends house, than wouldn’t she have had to clean her room the day before? but i said it was fine and we haven’t talked much since, because I’m also the main conversation starter (red flag 🚩🚩)
I had a best friend through high school. We were extremely close and did everything together. She had a wonderful boyfriend who was also a good friend of mine. In the last few weeks of our last year school, during exam time, we were busy studying and didn’t see much of each other but I did think it was weird she hadn’t tried to contact me at all once I finished exams (she finished earlier than me). I was doing a shift at the local cinema when who should arrive at the desk but my friend, with another random guy from school, with tickets for a movie they were not old enough to see. I got someone else to tear their tickets while I went and cleaned something. I don’t think she ever really realised the position she put me in, that day, as an employee and as a friend of her boyfriend. Things were never the same between us again.
My former BFF was a complete backstabbing ish from Jr high to 2009 when she revealed I'm too poor to be her maid of honor. We don't talk anymore. I wouldn't pee in her mouth if get throat was on fire.
