Getting turned down is always a possibility when you're dating. There's no perfect algorithm that allows people to see how compatible they are — we have to figure it out by ourselves. And there can be a huge variety of reasons why someone might not feel the connection.
Interested in the male side of the equation, a person who goes online by the nickname The-Catty made a post on the subreddit r/Ask, inviting guys to share the things that made them reject a woman. Here are the most popular replies.
This post may include affiliate links.
Anyone rude to restaurant staff was an immediate deal-breaker.
I also did not like stupid women.... but that was just me.
ABSOLUTELY! Men too. Treat service workers like people or you are immediately on my sh*t list.
I once rejected a woman who i thought was one of the hottest girls i've ever had the chance to talk to. But she was very judgmental, like it was the only conversation she wanted to have was a negative judgement. The music, the drinks, the weather, the uber driver...all sucked in her opinion. It was very off putting.
Negative Nancy's are a huge turn off. Imagine what they say about you, no thanks
I would reject a woman who smokes and was not up front about it before we met.
Quit 10+ years ago and can't stand the smell on someone. Now fresh cut wood and the smell of fresh smoke is still nostalgic
I was once on a date, where the woman openly judged every little f*****g thing I did. Even though I apparently ''did well'' and she seemed decent and had an interesting life, I never called/texted her again.
Treat the waitress or cashier rudely. Turn off.
Believes cheating is justifiable. Turn off.
Alcohol/party life. Turn off
Doesn't acknowledge her own mistakes or actions. You make mistakes, you apologise.
Controlling.
Honestly, as a guy, looks have very little to do with a girl I'm interested in. Yes I have my 'type' of girl I find physically attractive but I connect with people through conversation. Not even having similar interests or whatever but if I feel that 'click' when I start to talking to someone that's what matters to me. I don't look at a girl think 'yeah I'll go talk to her', it's more the organic 'just start chatting' thing that gets me interested in someone. Hope that helps 🙂.
Probably a woman who thinks she's entitled to a relationship because she's "changed" – it's always a red flag when people say stuff like that. .
Didn't say changed for the better or growth. Probably new issues on top of old. Cheque please
Don’t matter if you’re a 10, bad hygiene is a -100.
And that's a pic of a person doing pranayama ( breathing exercise in yoga). Well done bp.
Don't underestimate the timing. It happened I rejected women just because I was everything but in a mood to start a relationship. Being single doesn't mean to be immediately available.
This is worded so poorly that it's hard to get a read on it, but, to me, it sounds like this man is saying, "just because I want to go on dates doesn't mean I want a relationship." Which is never a problem, unless he is leading women to believe that his intentions are to start something more. It's just rude to dangle availability, then dump a person for having "bad timing."
So, there's no way to know, really. Way too many variables. Here are a few options, though:
* It could be that there's something about your personality/behavior/beliefs/values that's a deal breaker for him.
* It could be that he's not attracted to you — not that there's anything wrong with you, but he has a type and you are not it.
* Maybe he has a huge crush on someone else right now.
* Sometimes there's no obvious reason, but the chemistry isn't there for him. Chemistry (or lack of chemistry) does not have to make sense.
As someone who's a little older, the thing that took me the longest time to figure out is that it isn't like there's any objective good or bad. There's a wide variety in what people are and are not attracted to.
It's mostly about lucking into someone you match with — where you're what they want and they're what you want.
Damn everyone got crazy things here. Anyway I’d reject a girl if we simply don’t vibe.
If she can’t give, or receive, love.
For some it might have been because of family issues, growing up unloved. Thus never learning to give or receive love. Same goes for some men too. So never judge by the cover!
Attitude, arrogance (not to be confused with confidence) , personality. Looks come down the list for me. But if I ain't attracted to you I'm not attracted and if you suddenly change everything about you. My thoughts is that's not the real you.
It's the inside that matters especially if they're the same blood type and you need an organ transplant.
Repeated toxic behaviour, such as breaking boundaries or dishonesty/lying.
Personally I couldn't date a smoker either (unless they were really serious about quitting), same goes for any other d**g addiction.
Having a very insecure attachment style and not being willing to heal and become more securely attached.
What I look for in a women is kindness, respect and flexibility. I have that with my wife.
What I got from online dating was entitlement, judgement, and a what have you done for me lately attitude. Most women i dated online made me feel like I was an ATM and everything I did didn’t matter. They just generally made me feel like I had to be perfect, and I was always close to being broken up with.
My wife on the other hand, spilt the check with me everytime, made me feel loved, and honestly, seemed to love me even more the longer our relationship went on. Additionally, if we had a fight or had some problem, she would talk to me about it. She wouldn’t throw down some ultimatum and say my way or the highway, she had a conversation with me about it, and always compromised with me.
I had a GF like that, really loving and caring. Independent and smart. Problem, she never told me she was bipolar and when youger had quite a charly habit, funding month long parties in Ibiza dealing. I didn't have a problem with her past, I worked clubs and after hours when I was younger. When she went off her meds we could be talking about music and she would just flip, go crazy, insulting aggressive and nasty. He face even changed. I had to break up for my sanity.
* Social media pictures giving the bird. Upgrades from "Reject" to "Yeet" if said picture also includes sticking her tongue out.
* Yorkshire Terriers. I've never seen one of those useless idiotic little rats that isn't owned by an entitled, incompetent, vapid woman of whatever age or description. They're the must-have accessory for Plastic Princesses. It's like when you see a man getting out of a BMW convertible, wearing a polo short and deck shoes, with a BlueTooth earpiece. The cockometer pegs and turns red.
* Trump paraphanalia.
* Immaturity, affected idiocy, or both.
* Lip filler.
* Any mention of DoTerra or other MLMs. Straight into the "Yeet" que.
* Poor treatment of waiters/waitresses, or bad tipper.
* Jesus fish or religious bumper stickers aren't an instant rejection, but they definitely raise the threat awareness. No issue with Christian ladies, but I expect a person who professes themselves to be a Christian to follow the direct instructions of Christ and not go around announcing it to the world.
* Putinskas go straight to the "...out of a cannon. Into the sun." que.
For me it's working together, studying together or they're one of my friends eyes.
3 times I've turned down casual sex was 3 different girls who had not long before broken up with someone I was friends with. Can't do that to a homie.
Recently hung out at a friend of A friends house. 5 people the. The girls who house it was i was attracted enough to for sure. Towards the end of the night she tells a story about how she disciplined her sisters 12 year old daughter by snacking her down the ground rather physically.
That did it for me.
I was in a serious relationship with a guy who I thought I knew well. He had told me his ex cheated on him and they ended it. A year into our relationship we are engaged and he is showing me around his home town. He mentions how much happier he is with me. THEN hew drops the bombshell that after he spit with his ex he mailed polaroid photos he took of his ex masturbating and sent them to her male boss and her father. He is laughing and looking at me and saying " wasn't that great. Great huh great" I had no words. We were in another country at the time so I said nothing until we got back to Canada. Good God man. I dodged that bullet.
I heard a good quote once....."You are not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you". Don't expect someone who has rejected you to change their mind because you believe you have changed. Also you say he hasn't seen the good side of you? Why not? Why has he only seen the bad? You only decided to change after he rejected you? Bunch of red flags there.
Well, the physical attraction is really important. And different guys have different thoughts about what is attractive. In addition to body type, face, etc., how you hold yourself, how you dress and take care of yourself is a factor.
Then there is intelligence and personality and charisma or charm or whatever. It can make quite a difference. I've spoken to some stunning women who have really nothing to say like at all. One time I went on a date with a girl who neither liked food (who doesn't like food?!?) nor movies. Fortunately we liked the same music but that was pretty boring.
Which brings me to common interests and values. That's the deeper conversation.
Don't worry about the 1 guy you really liked. There are millions. And someone out there is going to be a better fit.
Disrespect!
Attitude/how they view other's, looks don't play a massive role but I need a girl to be energetic I'm ADHD and can be very all over the place I dated a girl who couldn't tolerate my energy and it made me hate myself never again.
Boredom or cruelty.
I can look at the wall/leaves/flowers for hours and never be bored, and spiders are welcome in my house 😜
When I was younger I’d reject a girl based on bad looks or being overweight. But if she had a bad personality, it wouldn’t matter if she was stunning, instant no.
If it was someone who wasn’t a good match for me, if we didn’t have the aligned values and beliefs, or weren’t connecting or yes if I wasn’t physically attracted.
I once went out with a stunningly beautiful women I would say most men would rate her at least 8.5-9/10
However, attitude was dry, don’t take initiative , expect you to entertain her and nonchalant. It’s like… playing tennis vs the wall. Needless to say how it ended
Frankly speaking, guys don’t have very high requirements for looks(obviously you can’t be severely overweight, rainbow coloured hair and piecing and tattoo all over your body and expect everyone to accept you)
Just go in with an interested attitude, smile, show that you are interested. Dont pull a RBF all day long.
For you specifically "I have changed but he hasn't seen this good side of me". Bad first impressions are REALLY hard to get over and if you've "changed" but are still hung up on this dude, it probably hasn't been all that long and he's got very little reason to not believe what he's already seen.
Whenever I met a woman and she was an a*****e, she was boring, or she was just not giving off good vibes, any potential interest, no matter how gorgeous she was: dead.
I've turned down women for being too needy, not my type, too unpredictable, too predictable, too stupid (some people kept trying to set me up with a girl who literally couldn't read a clock and kept insisting her dog's favorite color was "glitter"), too nice, too boring, or just straight up not a nice person. Had a smoking hot coworker (5'4" curvy Persian girl with huge eyes and big curly hair. Along Ashkenazi Jewish women, that's 100% my type) who was totally in love with me and I completely shot her down simply because she was just too much of a f*****g a*****e to deal with about 50% of the time and I didn't want to do guesswork on whether or not a potential partner could muster up the energy to not be a f*****g a*****e to me from one day to the next.
In no specific order:
1) Expressing agreement with my crazy family (like my mom picking my underwear for me over the age of 20) or saying pets are only part of the family when I get good grades).
2) Open racism.
3) Blatant red flags like wearing underwear to an olive garden date or checking Tinder in front of me (true story)
4) Weighing more than...I dunno maybe 250 pounds. Feel free to call to me a pig.
5) Being religious enough to save yourself for marriage.
6) Having an only fans and/or expecting me to pay before you'll go out with me.
7) Repeatably standing me up.
8) Being two young; I'm 27 I usually think 23-21 is iffy anything younger is a hell no.
I've had two women talk to me in a romantic context in the last year; girl one was reason number three; girl two was number six. And that's why I've all but given up on finding lov.
I will make sure to not wear any underwear to Olive Garden. Best advice in this whole post.
Only really that they had slept around a lot in a past life and not been forthcoming, as much as society pretends to be open.
Guys will look past a lot of things, but it would be different for everyone.
If we're together, I don't care if you had a thousand guys before me, as long as I'm the only one you're with now.
Omg the taylor swift advert was removed! BP made the tiniest amount of effort at last!!!
I've only rejected three people, two were at school and one in my 20s. First was a friend for many years and whilst she was a great person, there just wasn't chemistry. Second was someone I was attracted to and I knew the feeling was mutual, but I had friends who had liked her for longer and I (stupidly) thought I'd be betraying them so when she asked, I turned her down. Third was also difficult (the one in my 20s), I was very physically attracted to her, she somehow knew my exact turn-ons (though we never ever fooled around and generally didn't talk about sex, but the few times we did talk she 100% knew what I liked). Unfortunately, physical attraction was where it ended. She was super fun to hang out with for short periods but got tiresome during longer periods, too much trying to be weird for the sake of being weird. She also said repeatedly said she wasn't interested in me other than as a friend and then chose to ask me out once I got a girlfriend.
Omg the taylor swift advert was removed! BP made the tiniest amount of effort at last!!!
I've only rejected three people, two were at school and one in my 20s. First was a friend for many years and whilst she was a great person, there just wasn't chemistry. Second was someone I was attracted to and I knew the feeling was mutual, but I had friends who had liked her for longer and I (stupidly) thought I'd be betraying them so when she asked, I turned her down. Third was also difficult (the one in my 20s), I was very physically attracted to her, she somehow knew my exact turn-ons (though we never ever fooled around and generally didn't talk about sex, but the few times we did talk she 100% knew what I liked). Unfortunately, physical attraction was where it ended. She was super fun to hang out with for short periods but got tiresome during longer periods, too much trying to be weird for the sake of being weird. She also said repeatedly said she wasn't interested in me other than as a friend and then chose to ask me out once I got a girlfriend.
