Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
The Lights Are On But No One Is Home: 45 People Who Realized Their SO Is Kinda Stupid
Interview With Expert
No one is immune to embarrassing moments. Some days, your brain just doesn’t seem to be working at full capacity, and you might accidentally say something stupid that you immediately regret. No worries, everybody makes mistakes! But if your significant other is around to hear it, you probably won’t ever be able to live it down.
Redditors have been recalling the most idiotic things they’ve ever caught their partners saying or doing, so we’ve gathered their funniest replies down below. Enjoy scrolling through these facepalm worthy moments, and be sure to upvote the ones that make you feel like Einstein in comparison. And keep reading to find a conversation with Master Certified Relationship Coach, Amie Leadingham!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
When he straight up thought baby ducks were called quacklings. But to be honest, I actually prefer his version.
Inigo Montoya 6 months ago
My fave (from BP) is baby cheetahs being called Cheetos.
Load More Replies...
Katey Doll 6 months ago
Awww he's not an idiot, that's adorable. Hence forth baby ducks are now quackings
RELATED:
#2
Never took a shower, always a bath. I'd ask why and "she just hates showers" Finally our grown children pressured her into an answer.
"I just hate that first cold blast of water when it starts"
Kids and I look at each other for a while, I finally say "I hate it too, that's why I am usually OUTSIDE the shower when it happens"
Long awkward silence. She has been showering ever since..
Pieter LeGrande 6 months ago
It is amazing how small a fat guy can become when cowering in the corner of a shower cubicle.
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
Oh my. I actually just shower cold, it's a LOT easier once you get used to it and has the added advantage of waking you up no matter HOW badly you slept. In my case, that's a relevant concern.
Kris Rollings 6 months ago
I mean, it's silly she never knew that, but why does anyone care if she has baths or showers ?
Wild Cream 6 months ago
Just one thought - baths can take longer and use a lot more water than a shower. I came from a household of 7 and was only allowed a bath once a week, because we only had one bathroom and my parents were both on disability and couldn’t afford a huge hot water bill. (To clarify, I could shower as much as I wanted, just only one actual bath a week haha)
Load More Replies...
#3
Oh god. My SO has his PHD and is, on paper, super smart. However, when we had a rare sunny day (I'm in Scotland) he got one of those disposable BBQs that are basically just a tray with the charcoal in it. He set it up on a wooden chair because apparently "it won't burn this". Cue one very charcoal chair.
Bonus story: he decided he didn't need to shut the electricity off to change a socket. Looked at me like I was an idiot for suggesting this and then proceeded to get an electric shock almost immediately.
Edit: sooo many people assume his PhD is in the arts. It's not - he has a masters in Engineering and a PhD in Neuroscience.
Scott Rackley 6 months ago
I've been bit by 110V (common voltage in the US) and I d**n sure don't want any 230V
Nicola Mawson 6 months ago
It's the Amps that are the issue. Maybe best no one ask me how I know
Load More Replies... 
Original Kinkster 6 months ago
I'm not sure that he should be allowed to do anything connected to electricity...
April Pickett 6 months ago
I had a friend whose brother was like that. Similarly educated, but wouldn't even notice the heavy rain while cutting the grass.
To find out more about this topic, we got in touch with Master Certified Relationship Coach, Amie Leadingham. She was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss whether or not it's important to date someone who's on the same level as you intellectually.
"I think this really depends on whether intellectual compatibility is a non-negotiable for you personally," Amie shared. "For some people, having deep conversations and being intellectually challenged by their partner is essential to feeling fulfilled in a relationship. For others, different qualities like emotional connection, shared values, or complementary lifestyles matter more."
#4
He forgets the names of things, and so will often make up a new name in the middle of a sentence without breaking stride. My personal favorite was when he forgot what a sandwich was called, so he asked me to make him a "meat bread". Throughout the years I've become fluent in husband, but at first it would take me awhile to figure out what he was talking about.
He also does this thing where if he forgets someone's name, he renames them Terry in his mind. He called our neighbor Terry for over a year, to the man's face, until one day neighbor's wife finally corrected him and told him that neighbor's name was Neil.
My husband is an absolute idiot, but he's my idiot and I love the hell out of him!
Original Kinkster 6 months ago
Everyone should have their personal idiot. A personal idiot makes your life so much more fun and that's the reason why I'll marry her next week.
Nota Robot 6 months ago
I had a brainlock once where I couldn't remember the word "harpsichord" (we're both musicians). Best I could come up with was "Bach Piano".
John Comstock 6 months ago
If you love the hell out of him, please get him checked for early onset dementia. Forgetting the names of common every day items is an early sign.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
I had a friend like this. He could not remember catch-phrases. If he wanted to call you "a creature of habit", he'd refer to you as "an animal of routine".
Wondering Alice 6 months ago (edited)
Once at uni I said we had to many Dans in our group and needed some nicknames. One guy (whose actual name escapes me) asked if we could call him (whatever his name was), when questioned he claimed he had repeatedly told us his name, but id stuck to calling him Dan and everyone just went along. Obviously, from then forth he became 'fake Dan'.
Gracie Mae 6 months ago
my favorite bumper sticker (added to my collection): all men are idiots & i married their king. it's a family joke at some point
#5
I bought him a new watch and it was water resistant.
I told him I wanted to see him wearing it at the pool when we go do laps. He did two laps, got out, took off his watch and came back to the pool.
I asked him why he took it off. I thought maybe it was uncomfortable.
He told me it was water resistant “up to 100 meters” so he took it off after two 50 meter laps.
Geoffrey Scott 6 months ago
Oh...kinda like the diapers that say 15-18 lbs. "I can't let it go for more than a couple pounds, then the kid starts screaming..what am I doing wrong?"
Load More Replies...
Panda McPandaface 6 months ago
That would be why it's not called 'waterproof' then...
Load More Replies...
Joe Publique 6 months ago
This was funny the first time I heard the joke in 1985. Was it the same guy that stared at a carton of OJ for an hour because it said 'concentrate'?
#6
My wife spent two hours installing a wireless printer because she didn't plug it in. "But it's **wireless**!"
She also cashed a check and when they asked if she wanted big or small bills she said regular size.
Both stories are absolutely true, and I'm so goddamned happy I married a living dad joke. (She's definitely no idiot though).
Geoffrey Scott 6 months ago
Danish exchange student when asked if she wanted 'soup or salad' by the waitress (we DO speak kind of fast) "I don't know, how big is it?"
Catlady6000 6 months ago
Some of the smartest people are the biggest idiots. My father in-law has a PhD in physics, but has trouble with basic math
Load More Replies...
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
I don't mean to be rude (and will probably get heavily down voted but who cares) but she sounds slightly autistic. Coming from a parent of an autistic child.
The dating expert also pointed out that intelligence isn't really one-dimensional. "Someone might not be well-read in literature but could be brilliant at understanding people's emotions or solving practical problems," Amie noted.
"I think what matters more than raw intelligence is mutual respect and appreciation. Happy relationships can absolutely exist between people of different intellectual levels if they value what the other person brings to the table," she continued.
#7
When she told me, quite seriously, that wind is made by trees.
You know, because they sway around which pushes the air around and thus makes wind.
She was not kidding.
elmortero 6 months ago
I already mentioned this a while ago, but an otherwise quite smart ex kept saying things like "how can there be so much wind, there not a single cloud in the sky". I brushed it off at first as her joking, but no! She really believed cloud "blew" wind, like children would draw it :-)
Wild Cream 6 months ago
I had a friend who insisted the sky was blue because the ocean was blue. He said the sky always reflects whatever the ocean is doing. When the ocean turned grey, according to him, that’s when the clouds would roll in. I think I just stared at him because I was shocked to realize he was actually serious 😂
Sam Trudeau 6 months ago
Well, wind isn't, but air we breathe kind of is. So she's close, at least
keyboardtek 6 months ago
This is the same kind of logic flat earthers use where one limits their understanding of the universe to their own narrow observation and limited thinking ability.
#8
We were putting away the groceries when I see her take a new jar of salsa, open it, and put it in the fridge. I asked her why she did that and she said:
"It says right on the jar to refrigerate after opening."
I swear, she's smart as a whip most of the time.
Uncle Panda 6 months ago (edited)
Classic joke - "I don't like this recipe. It says put the roast in the oven and turn for two hours but after the first hour, I was dizzy as a goat."
Miles Mawyer 6 months ago
Good one! Remember the contests where you would win prizes based on the cap of a cola bottle. I used to remove it, look at it, put it back on, and remove it again until someone asked what I was doing. "It says Please Try Again."
Load More Replies...
Huddo's sister 6 months ago (edited)
If you are going to use it soon/straight away, this is good because it's harder to open if it's cold. You could just leave it in the pantry until you open it, like normal people, but it feels more convenient this way (to me). I have no other reasoning, except there might be more space in the fridge. I mainly do it with olives.
Elizabeth Butler 6 months ago
That jar is harder to open for the first time when it is cold. My hands are not strong, so I often do this.
#9
When she answered the door in a s**y negligee...when I was bringing my parents over for dinner. She then swore, ran off, came back and apologised to my parents for swearing then ran off again.
Original Kinkster 6 months ago
Not necessary an idiot, maybe just bad at remembering appointments and plans...
We also asked Amie if she believes people are more likely to do or say stupid things in front of their partners than in front of others. "Absolutely," she says. "It's actually one of the beautiful things about intimate relationships... We tend to be more comfortable and ourselves around our partners than anyone else."
"When you're with someone who you trust deeply, all those social filters and the constant self-monitoring we do around others starts to fall away. You're not trying to impress them anymore or maintain some polished version of yourself," she explained. "There's a freedom that comes with knowing someone accepts you, quirks and all."
#10
She was at the store and I remembered I needed some whole chickens for the weekend, so I call her up and ask her to grab a few. Over the phone she says "the big kind or the little kind?" "I dunno, the largest you can find, it doesn't really matter". She shows up at the house with two 25 pound turkeys. Her entire life she believed turkeys were just larger chickens.
Uncle Panda 6 months ago
I've noticed a recent trend towards saying that birds are 'born' but when I say 'hatched' I get downvotes. The stupidification continues.
#11
My wife is an English major. I gave her my favorite book *Eyewitness to History* to read. It is a compilation of stories that are people who have seen historic events first hand. It starts with the death of Socrates and goes to the 20th century. She told me she was skeptical because so many stories were written by the same person. His name? Anon.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
As I've said before, he often works with Ever. Ever gets top billing.
Maria Evripidou 6 months ago
ok I;m gonna be honest. When I was younger, I would wonder who the hell this Anon was and why he ha dso many quotes
Victor Manteca 6 months ago
On the other hand, an anonymous source is not reliable as "first hand eyewitness".
#12
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN ALASKA ISN'T NEXT TO HAWAII " Followed by, ALASKA is connected to Canada??
Doctor Strange 6 months ago
Back in highschool, one of the most popular girls, on the cheerleading squad, every guy fighting over her because she was 'hot', was dumb as a brick. We spent half an hour in a class arguing with her, because she claimed Canada was the 52nd state because, and I quote, "It's right there". But Alaska was NOT a state because, and again I quote, "Its way over there." We could not convince her otherwise. Never did find out what the 51st state was...
Phoebe Bean 6 months ago
She lives in her own personal State of Confusion...
Load More Replies...
Forrest Hobbs 6 months ago
Austrian kangaroos certainly are a thing: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-45407767
Load More Replies... 
Chuck 6 months ago
I see what you did there. At least, I think I saw what I think you tried to do there.
Load More Replies... 
So how can we tell if these idiotic moments are signs that the relationship isn't going to last?
"I think we need to approach this with some nuance. We are all flawed, and acceptance of our partner is absolutely key to any healthy relationship," Amie shared. "Everyone has moments of being ridiculous or making silly mistakes. That's just part of being human."
#13
I'll speak for my wife.
Up until about 2 years ago (I'm 30) I honestly believed goats were the male version of sheep.
I still don't live that down.
Evan Creem 6 months ago
So stupid. I love it. Thank you for the laugh at work!
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 6 months ago
My SIL thought narwhals were an imaginary animal because of the movie Elf. :) We love to tease her about it.
Justin Rogers 6 months ago
It's ok. Most people think only bucks (male goats) and rams (male sheep) are the only ones with horns or beards. Had a neighbor ask what his name was as "he" had two kids nursing. She does have nice horns and a lovely goatee with piercing blue eyes
Nancy Lynch 6 months ago
When I was a little girl, I thought cats were girls and dogs were boys.
#14
My boyfriend insisted that cooking certain things in the microwave was a hassle since you had to "stop them early" because the microwave only cooked in 30-second increments. I'm not sure what he thought all the numbers were for, but his life changed that day.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
My stupid new microwave doesn't have numbers, it just goes up by 10 seconds at a time until 2 minutes, then up by 30 seconds at a time. It's frustrating.
#15
When he gorilla glued his bathroom door shut to see if he could break it down. He couldn't.
Nina 6 months ago
For some reason, I think this fits the category 'why women live longer than men'..
Jennifer Drake 6 months ago
I dunno…this makes me feel like the stress oughta k**l us sooner. 😂😂
Load More Replies...
"Most of the time, these 'idiotic moments' are actually endearing if we have the right perspective," Amie continued. "They're opportunities to laugh together, to see each other's vulnerabilities, and to practice that acceptance we all crave. I think we should not only look past these moments, but sometimes, even treasure them as part of what makes our partner uniquely them."
#16
I've posted this before, but it's my favorite story.
In the middle of a conversation that was referencing Washington DC, he angrily stated that what I was saying was impossible, because people don't live in Washington DC.
I stopped, wait what?
"No one lives in Washington DC, they aren't allowed."
Are you serious?
"Yeah, only the President and the secret service live there, in the White House."
He was 26.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Hahaha, tell that to the now over 700,000 people who live in DC
Orysha 6 months ago
They are all secret service but they don't want you to know. :-D
Load More Replies...
Pferdchen 6 months ago
Maybe he jumped to that conclusion based on the number of elected representatives DC residents have in Congress (zero).
David 6 months ago
Technically they have 1 member, however one who can't vote or introduce any legislation, just like every other non-state like Puerto Rico, US Virgin Islands, Marianas, US Samoa, etc
Load More Replies...
#17
When the ex wife accused me of making up the word hypocritical after telling her that her actions were just that. "You think because you're smart you can make up words to call me and I won't notice?" One of those moments where you open your eyes really wide and take a moment to process what you're hearing.
Dave In MD 6 months ago
So, her actions were not that critical? Or did they mean hypercritical?
Sammy Lewis 4 months ago
I live in Western Australia, I have a friend who said to me. I didn't know the river is salty. It comes from the ocean
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
Oh wow... sometimes you can just hear in interactions how attractive the partner must be.
#18
My husband told me that he never slept in hotel sheets because they "never washed them". So instead, he would wrap himself up in the comforter and sleep in that. The big fluffy comforter...
Craig Reynolds 2 months ago
We order kink size disposable sheet sets on Amazon and sleep on those when traveling. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0D7W1C5TM?ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_fed_asin_title&th=1
Tanya Mattson 6 months ago
Yup, he wrapped himself up in ,and slept in ,the thing that is rarely washed.
However, Amie did add that there's a clear line between harmless quirks and behaviors that signal deeper issues. "If someone is consistently disrespectful, laughing at you (not with you), and looking down on you, that's not okay," she told Bored Panda. "There's a difference between loving someone with all their imperfections and accepting treatment that undermines your self-worth."
#19
At night. She sleep-talks. Throughout the day she is very articulate and intelligent, but at night, if I listen to her babbling in her sleep, she says the stupidest things. "No, not THAT penguin", "I have to put my feet in the orange juice", "Are you a hobbit?", and so on. I think her brain has to purge all the dumb stuff it builds up during the day.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
At least it's coherent. My partner sounds like he's summoning demons.
Jenny 6 months ago
Mine once sat bolt upright and shouted "invade the living", then lay back down and started snoring again.
Load More Replies...
Bonesko 6 months ago
Agreed. I sleep walk and one night my boyfriend found me in kitchen yelling about how there's no bread pudding and I was mashing bread, ketchup, jelly, and pepper in a bowl. I would never use pepper.
Load More Replies... Uncle Panda 6 months ago (edited)
I used to keep a notepad by the bed but after years of, "be sure to get extra chicken monkeys", I gave up.
Toothless Feline 6 months ago
Given how strange dreams can be, there’s nothing stupid about this at all.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
This is the stuff my brother is likely to say while awake (and usually sober).
meow point1 6 months ago
Things I've said in my sleep include "It's sad that you had to cut down the pine trees, but I hope you're okay", "No, Dad, no one drinks blood except vampires and there are no vampires round here!" and "You burnt them alive?!".
tresgatos72 6 months ago
My ex did that too. My favorite one was (in his British accent), "A 1970 football? Ohhhh, I SEEEE." I laughed so hard I woke him up. He didn't watch sports and had no clue what he meant. Actually, he had no clue about a LOT of things, so....
Stephanie Did It 6 months ago
I woke myself up by exclaiming, "No, that's not how you draw a cartoon hearse!"
#20
Very early into our relationship she said something to the effect of, "I miss living in the mountains. When I lived in North Carolina, we had this beautiful mountain range... I think they called it the Rocky Mountains? Anyway... I wish we could go back sometime."
We live in the Appalachian Mountains... Just a little north of where she grew up... It's quite literally the same mountain range she saw as a kid...
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Well to be fair the Appalachian mountains aren't nearly as big or impressive as the Rockies.
Pieter LeGrande 6 months ago
Well the Rockies must be impressive if you can see them from North Carolina. Although, if you are a Flat Earther then I guess you would be able to see them on a clear day.
Load More Replies...
JK 6 months ago
I had moved to western OR from Minnesota. Taking my first geology class and the prof says "How many of you are from east of the mountains?" I raised my hand thinking the Rockies. When I realized he was talking about the Cascades I took my hand down. Then he called on me. I said "East of the Mississippi. I thought you meant the Rockies." He asked why I was in OR, and I said because my family is all east of the Mississippi.
Load More Replies... #21
He told me there was a giant tsunami rolling in. We live in Arizona.
Edit: This story is about an ex. He was dead serious when he said tsunami. I googled the definition of tsunami and told him what it was and he proceeded to call me an arrogant b***h.
Brian Droste 6 months ago (edited)
No wonder you got divorced. I know this isn't the only reason Op got a divorce. If he acted like this in this one incident, there more than likely many many more and other reasons they got a divorce.
Eileen Heath 1 month ago
He deserved the divorcing. Though, in Arizona - they actually call it (I am not kidding) a monsoon. It's a rain storm that lasts about an hour. Monsoon. Yes.
#22
When she tried to convince me of her strongly held belief that the Blair Witch Project was real.
She wouldn't budge even after I showed her the actors names in the credits and *the actors taking part in an interview to promote the f*****g movie.*
* Edit: This was a high school girlfriend. My wife isn't an idiot as far as I can tell, but she did marry me, sooo.....
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
My friends and I in high school went to the Black Hills Forest just outside of Burkittsville, Maryland. So the forest is real....
Upstaged75 6 months ago
So is the legend of the witch actually. But not the story in the movie.
Load More Replies...
Krd 6 months ago
To be fair. It's based off a real legend of a witch. And the studio purposely lied and said it was a recreation of actual events. So basically they just believed what they saw on TV/news.
Peter Parker 6 months ago
When I was a kid, I believed it for years. Way longer than I'd like to admit..
Load More Replies...
Ian Berger 2 months ago
I literally worked with one of the cast members. It's as real as a three dollar bill.
Gracie Mae 6 months ago
the blair witch project was so over-hyped! i LOVE a good scary movie, and unfortunately bought into the promos that I had my teens go with me to see it. what a waste of money & time we'll never get back...
#23
There was a trick going around that said something like, "there are two brothers. One is eight. One is half his age. When the oldest brother turns 50, how old is the younger brother?"
I had to explain to my husband a couple of times that the younger brother is not 25, but 46.
Vinny DaPooh 6 months ago
Perhaps he became immortal at 25 and stopped aging
Load More Replies... #24
When she insisted that Kim Jong Un was the leader of North Carolina.
Michelle Rutherford 6 months ago
What the heck is going on in North Carolina for her to think Kim Jong Un runs it?! 😂
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
To be fair, there's no meaningful difference between that man and trump.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
Actually the governor of North Carolina (Josh Stein) is a Democrat and no friend of the MAGA cult. So the GOP legislaure is trying to strip him of his powers.
Load More Replies... Beth Wheeler 6 months ago
She is dumb and a BIIIIIIG box of rocks and we sure as hell don't want anybody from Kim family here in NC!
#25
We sat on the porch of her rented house during university, smoking. It was nighttime, the stars were out. I saw Venus, asked her why she thought that star was *extra* bright (hoping to drop my planetary knowledge.)
She said maybe it's closer to us than the moon.
I said "What does that mean?"
"Like it's between us and the moon."
She then explained that she thought the stars float around and change their positions, and that they were small.
I ran into her house, told all her housemates, and we informed her about stars.
She's a PhD scientist.
Edit: Biology. Cigarettes.
As for it being rude of me to run in and tell her roommates, it was. But she didn't beleive me, thought I was messing with her. Told her the sun is a star and she laughed and was like 'now I KNOW you're kidding.." Went inside to confirm this with her roommates (also good friends of mine) and we all had a good laugh.
I'm no genius, can't point out countries on a map. We all have our faults, I just thought this one was particularly funny especially given that she is a brilliant scientist now (this was in 2nd year).
Zaach 6 months ago
I buy those big bananas - my ex (she has a PhD in botany) said "Why can't you buy bananas that are found in nature"
amy lee 6 months ago
You can I suppose... Not very edible with those giant seeds
Load More Replies...
ptm45 6 months ago
I worked for this company where my boss called me back after I submitted a draft for the ESL book we were developing. He said, 'Take out the line 'The sun is a star' because the students (Koreans) don't believe that the sun is a star.' I argued that it is a star, it's common knowledge and it's ridiculous. Long story short it ended up not getting used in the book. Unbelievable.
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
I've smoked cigarettes like that before. You may notice the unusual colour of the smoke and very strong smell. Fun, though.
Array Index Out of Bounds 6 months ago
They give masters degrees in bubblegum machines, it would seem.
Wondering Alice 6 months ago
Bit unfair really, lots of people who have specialised early have gaps in knowledge that seem huge to the rest of us. A few years back, I spent an entire evening explaining basic facts the average 12yr old should know - like why there are seasons and why the moon had phases - to my husband and his sister. Both of them have a considerably higher level of education than I do, neither would be thought stupid by any definition.
Load More Replies... #26
My crazy ex girlfriend told me a story once about her very special car. See, she thought buying gas was for other people and that her car didn't need it. Evidently she didn't realize this wasn't the case till one day, she had run out of gas on the side of the road. Her ex boyfriend had been filling and keeping her tank full, so she just assumed her car ran off the battery.
This was nearly 15 years ago, where the notion of an electric car was futurology.
Doug Moyer 6 months ago
Umm. The first commercially produced electric cars were introduced in the late 1800s...
Wild Cream 6 months ago
True, but for the last few decades before the current EV boom, they weren’t common at all in North America.
Load More Replies...
Catharina Geerts 5 months ago
It's a pity it didn't catch on. And you know why? Because men wanted to hear the roar of the engine, and men had all the saying then
Load More Replies... #27
When I asked him to grab the "crushed red pepper" for my pizza, and he got offended. He asked me why i didn't just say "the red flakes", and that I was just trying to sound smarter than him.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
Is crushed red pepper the same as chilli flakes? I don't eat chillies/peppers so I'm a little lost here.
Joe Publique 6 months ago
Yes, they are made from dried and crushed red chilli peppers. The odd thing here is that both 'crushed red pepper' and 'the red flakes' sound silly to me.
Load More Replies... 
#28
My (now ex) and I had a phone conversation that ended up with us arguing over whether lead (as in the element) was heavy. I was impressed with something she did and told her "You are smooth like lead is heavy, baby!" and she got mad at me and thought I was making fun of her.
To make it worse, she is a nurse in a burn unit.. she's helped with x-rays. She's worn a lead lined vest.
Her logic "Pencils aren't heavy and they have lead in them!".
General Anaesthesia 6 months ago
"Although lead has not been used for writing since antiquity, such as in Roman styli, lead poisoning from pencils was not uncommon. Until the middle of the 20th century the paint used for the outer coating could contain high concentrations of lead, and this could be ingested when the pencil was sucked or chewed." - Wikipedia
Load More Replies...
Tucker Cahooter 6 months ago
Our chemistry teacher (of all people) in high school was convinced we could get lead poisoning from pencils
#29
When he insisted that kiwis (animals) were the same as kiwis (fruits). He found this photo and just wouldn't believe that it wasn't real. Just wow.
I ((un)fortunately) can say that this story is 100% true, and that as far as I could tell, he was NOT faking it. It's been a few years but I remember clearly the fervor with which he INSISTED that these kiwis were one and the same. There were many other things he did throughout the course of our relationship that made me realize he was an idiot, but needless to say, this took the cake. I think this was the point of no return, and we broke up a few months later. So, sadly, I can't troll him about Kiwis and kiwi polish -- I wish I'd had the presence of mind to do that then!
Caffeinated Ape 6 months ago
As someone from NZ I can't help but find this picture somewhat unsettling.
Daniel Atkins 6 months ago
SO now i want to know how he reacts to the fact that New Zealanders are known as Kiwis.
Jane Hower 6 months ago
No connection to this story but want to share my idiot SO story - we had guests over who brought a baby, and he insisted I put the cat in a locked bedroom so it wouldn't 'suck the baby's air'. OMG - before they understood the concept of SDS, sudden death syndrom, in babies who unexplanedly died in their cribs, they thought maybe cats sucked their breath because cats would go to a babies mouth due to the smell of the milk they had been drinking. He wa 52. omg
#30
Someone I dated in high school feared that the legalization of gay marriage would cause too many people in the world to turn gay and then there would be "no more babies."
He was quite serious, and when I tried to make more sense of it he insisted we change the subject. I continued to date him for several months after that. 15 year olds should not be allowed to be in relationships...
UKGrandad 6 months ago
Not necessarily. He probably just lived in a Fox News-watching household.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 6 months ago (edited)
Similar non-sequitur. An Englishman in the 1960s giving his reasons for immigrating. "First they decriminalized homosexuality. Then they legalized it. I'm leaving before they make it mandatory."
Wild Cream 6 months ago
So weird eh 😂 I’ve even talked to modern day people who insist “the left” is trying to force everyone to be gay and it’s like “no?? We’re just trying to tell you to be nice to gay folks and leave them alone? Quite the opposite of the fairytale you’ve made up in your head so you can be the victim” 😂
Load More Replies... 
#31
When he saw the moon during the day, "It's not the moon. It's a reflection of the moon."
My VERY intelligent husband said this 7 years ago. I do believe he somehow misunderstood the sun's light reflecting off the moon and never questioned it. He understands space very well now. Yes, everything we see is because light is reflecting off it, but that's not what he meant at the time. I finally told him about this post when it ended up on college humor. He doesn't think it's as funny as I do 😬
Original Kinkster 6 months ago
What do you mean? It's the same moon reflecting the light of the sun just at another time of the day...
Load More Replies... #32
I'm half Arab.
She asked me where this country "Arab" is located... I told her there is no such country so she asked me if I'm coming from the country "Muslim" (I'm not even Muslim).
Since my father is Muslim she asked me " Why your father hate us?", because she was thinking that Muslim and ISIS was the same thing.
An ex thought that Guatemala and guacamole are the same thing.
Europe is a country.
I told a girl that I'm circumcised she asked me "How do you have s*x then?"
The Mediterranean Fruit 6 months ago
Reminds me of when someone I know called salsa "tomato guacamole."
WorkAholic1 6 months ago
I love that. I'm using "tomato guacamole" next time we have tacos...
Load More Replies...
Billo66 6 months ago
I wish people would stop confusing good solid people, Muslim or not, with radical groups. I'm white. I live in the midwest. I drive a minivan not a pickup truck. I have never owned a gun. Sterotypes suck.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
Muslims are to ISIS what Christians are to the K**********n.
Load More Replies...
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago (edited)
To be fair, that last question is entirely fair. If you don't know what circumcision is, hearing it described does sound like a medieval t.o.r.t.u.r.e method.
Wild Cream 6 months ago
It’s so sad how little people value education these days, because it really does change who you are for the better and help you understand the world around you more.
David Hopkins 6 months ago
You told a girl you were circumcised? How did you work that into a conversation or was it meant to be a surprise?
#33
When she asked if it was still called an eclipse when the sun passes between earth and the moon.
Bob Brooce 6 months ago
To be fair, yes, it would be. If there was anybody left to call it anything, of course.
#34
Prefacing by saying my husband is really a very, very intelligent guy. Who has his moments.
We woke up one day and had a flat tire. I sigh, but no big deal. Let's put in the spare, and take it to the shop.
He is adamant that his car does not have a spare. In fact, he would know if it had a spare, but it's a new car, and it doesn't.
I'm incredulous, and say I'm going to double check, just to make sure. He is standing by me with a smug face, ready for his "I told you so" moment.
Of course I lift the lid in the trunk, and what do we find, but a perfectly good spare tire?
Another time, I texted him that I was grounding the wires in our house, he called panicking because that sounded dangerous. I then got to explain what a ground wire does, and how electricity works, and that's perfectly safe to do it if you know what you are doing.
And then there was the time he tried to convince me that the sky is blue because it reflects the ocean. Somehow.
Edit: forgot the told in I told you so. Guess I'm a dummy too :)
Edit2: one more. He was helping me cook, and I poured a cup of sugar in a pan, and told him to start stirring when the sugar melted. He laughs and says that the recipe must be wrong, because sugar does not melt. Imagine the collective surprise when the sugar did, indeed, melt and became delicious lava caramel.
Edit3: so, apparently a lot of newer cars actually don't have spare tires, so I was risking looking really stupid too. And a lot of people were taught in school that the sky is blue because it reflects the ocean.
I asked him if he thinks maybe I'm the dumber one in the relationship and he said "you did lock yourself outside of the house in the rain last week", so he has a point.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago (edited)
The ocean is blue because it reflects the sky, Kidding! The sky is blue because of Rayleigh scattering, where shorter wavelengths of light (blue) are scattered more than longer wavelengths (red) by the molecules in the atmosphere.
Vladmir Pootin 6 months ago
I refuse to believe that anyone said they were taught in school that the sky reflects the color of water.
Wild Cream 6 months ago
LOTS. I work for a few dealerships and a huge amount - more than 50% - of new vehicles only come with “tire inflator & sealant kits” now. It’s usually just the larger models like trucks and larger SUVs that have actual spare tires now. Do your research before you buy yall 😊
Load More Replies...
Speak easy buttercup 6 months ago
In all fairness the wiring of a house isn't necessarily just common knowledge and it sounds like maybe he was concerned for your safety so to say that was an "idiot" moment just seems wrong to me...
#35
"Women five months pregnant can totally go skiing!"
"We can totally leave a 2 week old newborn with your parents and go on a week long trip, just the two of us!"
We don't have children, but boy oh boy is he in for a rude awakening if I ever get pregnant.
Edit: I have to clarify, I HAVE NEVER WENT SKIING IN MY LIFE.
Wild Cream 6 months ago
It’s crazy how many native English speakers are absolutely terrible at speaking English 😅
Load More Replies... Victor Manteca 6 months ago (edited)
He's not stupid, he's just irresponsible and selfish. Not very good father material, IMHO.
Drew Quinonez 6 months ago
"You can drive a car with your feet if you want to, that don't make it a good f-ing idea" -Chris Rock
Geoffrey Scott 6 months ago
"Doc..I want (that d**g)"..Why?".."well on the commercials it says you can hang glide and ice skate and I can't do ANY of that stuff".
Ace 6 months ago
I can's see any reason why being 5 months pregnant should stop anyone from going skiing.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Pregnancy messes with your balance. Also, falling onto your baby at 30 mph probably isn't advisable. If you knew how to ski to begin with it might not be a problem, but to take up a new sport.
Load More Replies... Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
I actually had an ex confuse lemon haze and lemongrass. You would not BELIEVE the face on the server when she realised my ex wasn't kidding.
HeavyMetalHeart 6 months ago
Neither of those things are impossible. I know someone who looked after her daughter’s baby 2 or 3 weeks after birth while she went on holiday with her older children.
#36
My partner and I were walking around a zoo kinda lost. She pulled out the little map/brochure they gave us when we came in and said, How come it doesn't say you are here on it?? Thats because its a piece of paper and we could be anywhere was my response haha.
#37
My husband thought New York City was in California and I still can't track the logic there.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
Well, there *is* a city in California named 'Manhattan Beach', so... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manhattan_Beach,_California
Sam Trudeau 6 months ago
if they aren't from the states, this is logical, since my logic is "Minnesota is by Fort Frances, Alaska is on our left, Florida is by Mexico somewhere, and if it's a cowboy place, it's near Mexico, everywhere else is somehwere
Richienotsorich 6 months ago
Had a friend who thought the building in the image was pronounced 'Fla-tiron"! She even had this as a poster on her wall.
Inservio Smurf 6 months ago
You've heard one yank you've heard them all. I have less trouble telling Nigerians from Cameroonians than I do telling yanks apart.
Brandi VanSteenwyk 6 months ago
Like the tourists who think they can visit and enjoy LA & NYC both in one day.
#38
Cooked me a cup of noodles with no water.
The Majestic Opossum 6 months ago
It does. My daughter's friend put that one to the test 😂
Load More Replies...
Pieter LeGrande 6 months ago
Not uncommon, I was in hospital last year (private and expensive) on a very restricted liquid diet. One day I was scheduled to get beef broth. What I got was a bowl with a single cube of Marmite in the bowl with a lid. By the time I was settled, and got ready to eat it was too late and the food trolley had moved on to the next floor.
Bart Crunk 6 months ago
My kid put a block of ramen in a bowl, put it in the microwave, and set it for 5 minutes. I smelled it, and stopped it. I asked him where he thought the broth came from if you didn’t add water. He wasn’t sure.
#39
I dated a guy for a few months in high school who was... incredibly attractive. We'll say his name was Dave. Dave played for the football team, and I was a super nerd, so the fact that he wanted to go out with me blinded me to his faults. One of my friends told me constantly what an idiot Dave was, and I refused to see it. One day, my friend and I were sitting in the cafeteria, and he started to laugh at something stupid Dave had done. I got mad, but we dropped the subject, because here came Dave. Instead of hanging out, my friend left. He came back several minutes later with a textbook, opened a random page, and pointed to a shape. "Dave, what shape is that?" Dave stuttered around the word triangle for a minute, then flew into a rage (like, got actually violent) because he thought my friend was trying to trick him or something.
Long story short, I wound up breaking things off with him a few days later partially because of how scary he got when he was angry, but mostly because of that f*****g circle.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
Wait, I'm confused. Are you saying that Dave was trying to stammer out the word 'Triangle' - for a CIRCLE? Is that what I'm hearing here?
Wondering Alice 6 months ago
So, guy with probable learning difficulty gets crush on girl who only dated him for his looks. Then her fellow intellectual snobs think cruelly and publicly trying to shame and confuse him are surprised this makes him angry. I hope Dave found nicer people to spend time with.
Atom Bohr 6 months ago
Possible learning difficulties, or possibly a traumatic brain injury. I mean, I wouldn't want to be with someone who gets extremely angry that quickly, but a TBI can do that, and so can bullying. In either case, OOP isn't painting themselves in a good light here
Load More Replies...
Jaya 6 months ago (edited)
Making fun of a guy for being unintelligent, is mean. Most people agree that making fun of people with Down Syndrome is not okay, but when someone doesn't visibly look learning impaired, it's somehow okay to make fun of them? Most of your intelligence is out of your own control, it's mostly what you were born with and what your parents did when you were young, there's only a small degree that we ourselves influence. And just because someone is very unintelligent, doesn't mean they're not a person who deserves respect and kindness. OPs friend is a bully. (None of this excuses violence by the way, but that's a whole other topic)
Speak easy buttercup 6 months ago
So even tho my name isn't Dave I sorta feel like maybe this person is talking about ME! Well I stopped reading after "incredibly attractive" so tbh I'm not positive! 😜
#40
When he changed the light bulb over our kitchen sink 4 times and kept throwing away the bulbs thinking they were all bad. I finally walked over and flipped the correct light switch for that light- the one next to the garbage disposal on the opposite wall from all the other switches.
We had been living in this house for over ten years at that point. He had used that light countless times. I love the guy but he definitely has his moments (I'm sure I do too).
Edit: I feel kind of bad that my top rated comment is about my husband being an idiot! At least he has a good sense of humor about himself.
Jennifer Drake 6 months ago (edited)
This is actually quite adorable. I was once so frazzled I put my laundry detergent in the fridge and my milk in the laundry room. 😩 No judgment here.
Wild Cream 6 months ago
My boyfriend once braked to let a squirrel cross the road. He stopped for several minutes and even honked the horn to scare it off the road. It was a pinecone 😂
Load More Replies...
Billo66 6 months ago
Yeah, I spent all afternoon rewiring an outlet last month in my sons room for a lamp. I was proud. The outlet had no power so I rewired it, yay. When he (12) got home he said. "Cool. did you try the lightswith?"" which was tucked neatly behind the edge of the curtain. No son, no I did not. My name here now is forever Lightswitch.
#41
The second time I found a sock in the fridge.
Space Invader 6 months ago
Afterwards, the marriage was called off, because one of them got cold feet.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 6 months ago
That is both dreadful and fantastic at the same time.
Load More Replies...
Wild Cream 6 months ago
I occasionally sleepwalk and it’s always in the kitchen. I usually take things out of the fridge 😅 I’ll wake up in the morning and go to make coffee and find my cream sitting on the counter, room-temperature because I put it there at like 2am. I’m my own worst enemy 😂 I’ve done it with meat too which is extra devastating
Earonn - 6 months ago
Could you put like a latch on your fridge, so you can't open it in your sleep?
Load More Replies... 
#42
My husband has movie amnesia. He has no idea what he has or hasn't seen, and oh lord just forget asking him the title of anything, he's clueless. Most recently he recognized an actress from "Saving Sarah Silverman" and was so proud. Until I told him the movie is called Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Edit: I know there's a movie called Saving Silverman, an actress named Sara Silverman, a movie called Saving Private Ryan, etc but my husband does not claim to know any of them, yet somehow mushed them together in his mind to create his own film.
Edit 2: he's actually incredibly intelligent, which makes this one flaw so funny to me. He also cannot recall names of actors or recognize them from other films, nor can he explain a plot line to save his life. If he was being held at gunpoint and you told him to describe a movie he'd JUST watched, he'd prob be shot.
Doug Moyer 6 months ago
I can't recognize the characters that were in the movie fifteen minutes earlier. Drives my wife crazy because I'm constantly asking "who is that?". I don't enjoy watching movies...
Jan Rosier 6 months ago
I am the opposite, which annoys my wife. I can go 'oh look, this is actor xxx, you know the guy who was the 10 yo kid in the movie YYY twenty-five years ago'
Billo66 6 months ago
Yep, I can tell you who sang backup on only one song for an obscure metal band in 1983 but I don't know what the heck I did yesterday.
Load More Replies...
Heather Yueng 6 months ago
In order to curb aggravation my husband and I have decided that all actresses Sigourney Weaver and all actors are Denzel Washington.
Krd 6 months ago
I forget most events in basically everything (TV Games, movies, sporting events). But I can usually remember if I watched something. But sometimes if a film is bad, I totally forgot I watched it. Like the Monster Hunter movie, I watched it, and like a year later I was halfway through watching it a 2nd time before I realized I had seen it before; very forgettable/bad movie.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
I never remember the ends of mysteries. I have probably read the Sherlock Holmes short store "The Adventure of the Three Garridebs" a dozen times, and I can't even recall what a garrideb is.
Catharina Geerts 5 months ago
I have a hard time recognizing faces (apparently that's a genetical flaw), but when I'm watching a movie, I'm not interested in the name of who's playing the character. The actor is not the one living adventures, the character is. And if I do want to know, I can always look at the credits at the end, to see who played a certain role
Angela Corvaia 6 months ago
I can recognize a random off-character from their first movie 10 years before they were famous but I can't remember my neighbor name. Lived here 5 years.
Jac Carr 6 months ago
I'm like that; my memory is terrible and couldn't name 90% of movies I've seen, even if last night, or books I've read; my brain just doesn't retain the info. Of course, I'm a stoner so that might have a lot to do with it, lol, but it does mean I can watch the same movie again without remembering it
Karen Purcell 6 months ago
I am glad of the internet..if we get into one over an actor or something it's "consult the Oracle" always have the Kindle charged
#43
I told a joke and my girlfriend did the playful hit thing. When I asked why she hit me she replied with she was upset I was making fun of her. I was not. She just didn't get the joke. I then inquired as to how often I said things and she didn't get, but laughed because everyone else did. She said "About 50% of the time.".
Michael Largey 6 months ago (edited)
My girl friend in high school had no sense of humor. (I realize that some of you many think there is an inner contradiction in that statement.) He friends all said so, and so did her family. Her: "I just don't get jokes." And she didn't. But she could usually tell if someone was joking.
#44
We were on a road trip and he pointed out "a furry armadillo." He was pointing to an opossum.
The man has a nuclear engineering degree and MBA.
Brian Droste 6 months ago
On another BP post recently I made a comment that does anyone else see that armadillos are just opossums with armor?
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
Are you concerned that he might be asked to design a Nuclear Armadillo?
Valli Cawte 6 months ago
"The man has a nuclear engineering degree and MBA." and this is how dumb americans voted tangerine
Daniel Atkins 6 months ago
sounds like a brain fart moment and that is a funny nickname for them.
Catharina Geerts 5 months ago (edited)
So he didn't know how an opossum looked like. That doesn't make him an idiot. Before the internet, neither did I. And besides, do you know specific things about nuclear engineering and MBA? (That is, if you're not working or studying it)
Kat 6 months ago
my BF does not know birds. Like, our local birds you see every day. Children in kindergarten talk about them. We have a magpie sometimes sitting on our balcony. Just as a joke, I asked him what bird it is. He said swallow. I though he was joking, he was not. He has a math degree and works high end IT job.
Con O Cuinn 6 months ago
Depending on the type of armadillo he thought, this could be understandable. Hairy armadillos are a thing. https://animalfact.com/armadillos/
#45
When it took him a year of dating and a year of marriage before he figured out that I'm left handed.
Panda McPandaface 6 months ago
These days I so rarely see anyone write by hand that I doubt I'd notice any more.
#46
Little bit of a plot twist, I am the idiot in this situation. My husband and I were having a conversation about anatomy and I was so confused about how your lungs stay in place. He just looked at me and said "What are you talking about? Your rib cage. Your bones keep your lungs in place."
I had forgotten that humans had bones.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
If anyone here remembers the old sitcom 'F Troop', they had a running gag where Cpl. Agarn would say something ignorant, and Sgt. O'Rourke would comment, "You know, Agarn, I don't know why everyone says you're so dumb." "Gee, thanks, Sarge!" Then they would move on to other things, and invariably about five minutes later, Agarn goes "Wait a minute! *WHO* says I'm dumb?" My best buddy and I often tell on ourselves - "Well, I had a real 'Agarn' moment today!" Old saying: "Everyone is an idiot at least once a day. The trick is to not exceed your quota."
#47
My ex husband (a*****e ex husband) would frequently attempt to gaslight in a disagreement and no matter how mentally and physically a*****e he was, would attempt to make himself a victim of (my behaviors; they were his, but often described his plight as SUFFRAGE.
Example: " It's your fault I have this problem, my suffrage is insurmountable" (attempts at using big words to sound smarter".....
My response "Your right to vote is insurmountable?"
Issue only escalated and became physical, but he insisted on using the word suffrage in place of suffering.
He's a felon now, no right to vote.
Stephanie Did It 6 months ago
It's amazing how so many women, when asked if they would sign a petition supporting women's suffrage, exclaim "NO WAY!"
#48
Was watching NASCAR with my wife and stepfather, she sat there mesmerized and said "imagine if we had this but with people.." and followed that quietly with "oh my f*****g god, track....".
#49
We had just started dating and she was going to pick me up near a bus station in a parking lot. I see her driving up so I hop in. Then I notice she's looking side to side, kind of confused. So I ask what's the matter?
And I s**t you not, she says "I know I left my car here somewhere...", she says this with both hands on the steering wheel, operating a moving vehicle. God bless her.
She was one of those people who really excels academically, but has 0 common sense or basic awareness. I suspect she's a professor of some highly technical field now.
Papa 6 months ago
This reminds me of my wife. While it's not as bad as OP's wife looking for her car while she was in it, my wife has been known to walk around the house looking for her phone, while it was in her hand and she was carrying on a conversation with someone on it.
Kalikima 6 months ago
I did that, I was on speaker phone, and on hold and thought of something I needed to text my mom, and spent 5 minutes looking for my phone, while holding said phone that was actively making noise.
Load More Replies... #50
Oh, boy.
My ex-boyfriend somehow dwindled down his boxer brief count to two, and instead of buying more like a human adult with basic common sense, or at least, you know, WASHING his two remaining pairs of preferred underwear, he would slip on a pair of the many loose fitting boxers he owned, and then awkwardly shuffle one of the boxer briefs over said pair, creating a bunched up, sweaty cacophony of sin.
When I asked him what in God's name he was doing that for, he would reply, "I like the way everything is squeezed in."
He continued this cycle for two months.
He rarely washed his underwear, due to the fact that he didn't understand how to operate a washing machine. (Another can of worms.) I broke up with him before he ever got around to buying more boxer briefs, so who knows? Maybe he's still making idiot boxer sandwiches to this day.
#51
This might seem confusing, but one time my SO was telling me about a theory that everyone sees colors differently, but we just don't know it. She then claimed she had PROOF of it being true. She goes "You see that sign there? It looks kind of purple to me." (I don't remember the exact colors of the sign but you get the idea)
I said "but it's red." And she goes,
"See? How else would I be seeing that?"
"Because you must be colorblind."
Spent the next 20 minutes arguing about how she might be colorblind and she couldn't grasp the concept. Got tested later on and found out she was.
Edit: My SO is not stupid btw, she's very book-smart and loves to read and write. That conversation was just a real face-palm moment that I still laugh about now.
Original Kinkster 6 months ago
Well, you just know what something that is supposed to be the color red, for example, looks like to you but you don't know what it looks like to me...
Billo66 6 months ago
It might look yellow to you but purple to me but we all say Red because thats what we were told. Yeah I think about that. How different is everyones perspective? Out 100% of the electromagnetic light spectrum only 0.0035% is visible to human eyes. wtf else are we not seeing?
Load More Replies... ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago (edited)
Well her theory was correct. People who are colourblind do see colours different
#52
I know the answers my boyfriend would give:
* Once we went to Home Depot to pick up a lawn mower. Knowing we'd also need gas, I pointed out the gas containers ... but was perplexed to find them empty. "Where's the gas?" My boyfriend just stared at me. "What? Is it on a different aisle?" That was the day I learned Home Depot does not sell gasoline.
* One day I had an epiphany about "local anesthetic"; it is not in fact called "local anesthetic" because it's produced locally, but because it only affects a specific portion of the body - a "local" effect
* When I moved into my new house I spent about 3 minutes trying to screw the water hose into the wall faucet from the wrong end, and when I asked for help he just started taking pictures of me with his phone :(.
wowbagger 6 months ago
When I get surgery, I always ask for the local and organic anesthetic. I have standards, you know.
les 6 months ago
i asked for free range and the nurse just punched me, did the job though
Load More Replies... Dave In MD 6 months ago
Home Depot does indeed sell gasoline. One brand is called TruFuel. You can get it in various varieties; 50:1 and 40:1 for 2 stroke engines as well as for 4 stroke engines. Plus there are a couple of other brands.
Papa 6 months ago
Yep. That's all I use in my gasoline powered string trimmer. It doesn't contain ethanol, so it's much less likely to turn to gum up the fuel system if the tool isn't started for a period of time.
Load More Replies... Pferdchen 6 months ago
My neighbor's outdoor hose bib broke, making it impossible to shut off. There was a hose attached to it, so all the water was coming out of the hose. She asked my what she should do. I told her I could either shut the water off to the entire house or, better yet, she could screw a spray nozzle on to the other end of the hose and call a plumber to replace the bib. She seemed genuinely surprised that the nozzle would work as a temporary solution.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
Emergency rooms remove from human orifices foreign objects that were actually manufactured locally.
#53
When she asked how "gärningsmannen" had not been caught. Gärningsmannen is "the man who did the deed" directly translated but means suspect. She thought it was one guy who had been doing all crime for 20 years.
Ace 6 months ago
Is it true that both nations believe the the other to be raging alcoholics because the most frequent time they encountered each other was on the ferries... with duty-free bars?
Load More Replies...
#54
While travelling in the car during Remembrance Day, my ex once asked me to turn the radio up so she could hear the minute's silence better.
Daniel Atkins 6 months ago (edited)
oh no the silence is deafening or "hello darkness my old friend."
#55
We went to see a production of *Jesus Christ Superstar* at our local theater. I love musicals, but he had never heard of it. I did mention to him that it was pretty controversial when it was first produced, but mostly I told him about how fantastic the music was, etc.
After the show, he told me that he understood the controversy; that the "incest stuff" was extremely out-of-place and weird. *Record scratch*.
Oh, honey. No. Mary Magdalene is not the same as the Virgin Mary. I still love him though!
Edit to clarify: He is Lutheran, so he definitely should know this!
jonesnori 6 months ago
I don't know what it is about Marys. A lot of people conflate the first Queen Mary of England (Tudor) with Mary Queen of Scots (Stuart), too. Going back tothe Bible, the other Marys in the Gospels probably were not the same person, either, which means the common belief that Mary Magdalene was a prostitute is probably incorrect.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
There is also Mary Tudor, sister of Henry VIII, to make it more confusing.
Load More Replies...
Michael Largey 6 months ago
I've always wanted to put into the theater programs for "Jesus Christ Superstar" this request - "Please do not reveal the ending to your friends!"
Pferdchen 6 months ago
Just wait until someone brings up Mary of Clopas. On the bright side, they are referred to the Three Marys, so it may not be that bad. There is also debate as to whether the poet Marie de France was Marie de Champagne (Countess of Champagne and daughter of Eleanor of Aquitaine) or a number of other Maries. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marie_de_France
#56
I am late... but once my girlfriend went to refuel. She said the gas pump "was one of those old pumps from the '60s" and wouldn't fit into the tank hole. So she took a pen to force the tank open and proceeded to carefully pump gas from the tip of the pump into the tank.
Obviously after doing that the car couldn't start and was f****d up, as she had been putting a full load of diesel into a gasoline vehicle.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago (edited)
Pretty sure adding diesel will mess up the car, but it'll start.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
Usually. If there's enough relatively uncontaminated gasoline in the fuel pump / fuel lines. But if the tank / pump was about bone dry, it might have sucked in too much diesel to allow it to start. Or started for a couple seconds and stalled and wouldn't restart.
Load More Replies...
Doug Moyer 6 months ago
Nothing about this indicates that anyone was watching.
Load More Replies... #57
He thought women peed from their vaginas. He's my lovable idiot though.
Edit: Yes, women do not pee from their vaginas. We have a separate urethra located near our v****a.
Orange Mum 6 months ago
Does bored panda also think the anatomical words, gluteus maximus should be starred out?
nottheactualphoto 6 months ago
I have a gweat fwiend in Wome. His name is Biggus Dickus.
Load More Replies... 
Rachel Furn 1 month ago
Myself and another woman had to teach this to a group of 6 men sitting at a lunch room table. Don’t know how the subject even came up but we had to draw pictures. Lots of silence that day. And I’m sure lots of googling when they went home.
Phil Geiger 6 months ago
I got caught on that one. However I was 12 and my father passed before a s*x talk.
Ace 6 months ago
This seems to be posted about quite a lot recently, but the women never seems to have asked themselves the question - why would you expect any man to know this? And why would you think it important if they did not?
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
More to the point, ladies, you have presumably encountered the American "Educational" System. What in there would lead you to believe that American males are being given ANY chance to learn female anatomy? The closest they get is probably p0rn, and *that* sure as anything is not academically rigourous.
Load More Replies... #58
She had a Master's Degree in Special Education and legitimately thought the word "Knowledgement" was real. For example, in arguments she would yell "For your knowledgement...".
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Just give it a minute and it'll be a word. Just like how "literally" now means "figuratively".
David Morgan 6 months ago (edited)
English is full of orphaned words and word variations though. To acknowledge something is to give notice that you are aware of something, or gain knowledge of it. Maybe she thought it was another variation.
#59
She told me to take the wooden spoon out of the pot of pasta because it would melt it.
She has had a few moments like these.
T'Mar of Vulcan 6 months ago (edited)
To be fair my SIL has yelled at me a few times for putting microwave lids on plates and then warming them in the oven. "They'll melt!" They probably won't as a warming temp isn't that hot, but I agree - it's dof to put plastic in the oven.
#60
Every time he grabs something out of the oven without a mitten.
But he is my idiot
#61
When she tried to make pasta by dumping a box of uncooked spaghetti into an empty pot with the burner on high. I broke up her not soon after. Obviously not because of that.
#62
For me it was probably the first time she came in drunk and pooped in the laundry basket.
Dzessa Golden 6 months ago
Saying “the first time” means there was a second time… Hopefully the offender took care of the mess!
#63
My ex wanted to use a Ziploc baggy as a c****m. Noped out of that one.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
I have heard of using cling wrap (also not advised) but not that. Also, quite a few people seem to think 'double bagging' (putting on two condoms, one on top of the other) protects you more, when in fact it makes them more likely to tear from the friction.
For All Pedernity 6 months ago (edited)
'The town of C****m is located in the northern part of the department of Gers'. Censoring French towns, now, BP?
#64
My starter husband thought the Grand Canyon was 500 feet deep and that it was only called "grand" due to the length. He also pooped in the bathtub and tried to convince me that my iguana did it.
Ace 6 months ago (edited)
Some languages use different words for length, height, fatness, width etc. so if he's not a native English speaker then that might at least partially explain it. For example in French large is often used to mean wide but never to mean, say a large coffee; grand can mean tall (person) and more generic big but not fat, of a person, which would be gros but doesn't mean gross like it's used in English... many more, and more subtle variations that just those, but be careful when translating.
David Morgan 6 months ago
In English, we have 'grocers' (people who sell a specific type of product e.g. a greengrocer sells vegetables). That word is a derivative of the German word (with the B that is pronounced S) and refers to their BULK selling, not that they ARE sellers.
Load More Replies... #65
I love my wife, and am so glad I get to tell this story.
We were talking about eating better, and the food pyramid, and how thats what they use to teach us in school. We arrive at things we like to eat, and where it falls in the food groups, and the conversation goes like this:
Her: "I love eggs, I'm glad that the veggies section was always so big"
Me: "Wait... what? Veggies? What?"
Her: "Actually... what are eggs anyway? They're... vegetables right? Yeah they are vegetables."
This woman has a Masters Degree.
David Morgan 6 months ago
Could be worse. A bird might have to lay a parsnip...
Load More Replies... #66
Watching game of thrones and peter dinklage comes on... "he's always the midget in every movie".
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
... Except for Kenny Baker, Herve Villechaize, most of the cast of Time Bandits, ... (We won't go into how socially acceptable terminology has changed over time.)
Daniel Atkins 6 months ago
How short sighted of those producers He should have bigger roles. Thank you and goodnight.
#67
When we were married over a year and he commented on my lovely green eyes...
...theyre blue.
The Majestic Opossum 6 months ago
In his defense, I thought for the first 5 years my husband had green eyes, until he showed me a picture of hazel eyes 😳🤦🏽♀️
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
I call mine greyzle, because I can tell if they're green, grey, or hazel.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 6 months ago
Well, now at least you know one thing about his sidepiece - she has green eyes.
#68
At the tender age of 33 he didn't understand stoplights. He thought when the blinking hand and the count down starts is when you go. I asked him, "do what are you supposed to do when the little man pops up?" he said, "you wait?" I thought he was joking.
The moment I had to explain to him how a stoplight works when you are a pedestrian answered a lot of other things I dealt with. He was not that bright. I once teased him about something, and he was offended. I apologized and told him that I would never call him stupid. I felt pretty bad, and I was ready to accept that about him. There were a lot of explaining, and teaching him certain things in that relationship.
#69
My wife's ex boyfriend thought that Maine Coons were wild cats living in Maine.
#70
I love her to death but:
"If you set a cow on fire does it smell like steaks"
Still gets me to this day.
Bill Swallow 6 months ago
A bit. Mixed in with the scents of burning leather, hair, intestines, blood, bone, and - best of all - COW DUNG!
Load More Replies... Sean Stimson 6 months ago
I was an electrician and spent a few days working at a funeral home with a crematorium. A burning human body initially smells like burning hair, then very quickly shifts to the smell of roasting meat. One time in the late morning I walked outside (the crematorium was in a separate building at the back of the parking lot), smelled roasting meat, remembered it was almost lunchtime and I was hungry, then realized what the smell was and promptly lost my appetite 😑
#72
I wouldn't say dumb, because she is very intelligent (currently pursuing her doctorate), but we just had a twenty minute conversation about multi-level marketing. No matter how much logic I threw her way, she just won't believe they are bad. It's actually a weird thing in her family. Every single one of them believes in network marketing. Her mom did AmWay, her brother did one that started with a V. They're a successful and intelligent family that just has a wierd love of mlm.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
My best friend is intelligent, but she has done three different MLMs at different times and so has her mum and sister. I was very surprised that after she did Intimo (bras and things) and had to fork out money for the sample stock she would do any more but she did. Might explain why her and her partner found themselves in debt a couple of years after their wedding.
Kalikima 6 months ago
Vector marketing, where you can sell Cutco knives. I sold them, and while the company will screw you over for a penny, the knives are top tier knives. I still use the knives they made me buy for my demos, it's been 25 years and the knives have never needed sharpening, and they're still just as good as when I got them!
#73
I was using his laptop and he Google image searched acorns except he spelled it, "egg corn"
AND. Earlier this week he texted that he wanted to make gnocchi for dinner. He spelled it, "no key".
I love him but holy f**k, he is not a clever man.
T'Mar of Vulcan 6 months ago
My father was a certified genius (skipped several grades and joined the military at 15/16 to get away from home - huge family). He could engineer anything. But his spelling was atrocious. Bad spelling can be an indicator that a person is dof (dof is Afrikaans for stupid) but sometimes it isn't. I taught a child like that - he always did really badly in tests and his spelling was terrible. I tried various methods to help with his spelling, but none worked. Finally I said, "Let's just ignore the spelling issue. Just answer questions as best you can without worrying about spelling." His marks shot up and he did really well from that moment on - his anxiety about spelling had made him hesitate when answering other questions.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago (edited)
To be fair, English is ridiculous. In the few other languages I mangle, if I sound it out phonetically as I'm writing it usually is close to how it's spelled. English? 🤣...no.
Load More Replies... #74
He's not an idiot and I love him to death but he thought Chicago and basically every major city, was a state.
If you see this I love you.
#75
When they had little cubes of cheese in their pocket rather than getting a plate.
#76
Full disclosure, he's actually an incredibly brilliant man and i love him to death, but...
after we got married, i caught him picking his nose and eating his boogers. when i called him on it incredulously, he said, "but it's good for my imoon system." completely wrecking the pronounciation of immune. i just looked at him, kissed his forehead and sighed because when you love someone you love them regardless of their moronic moment.
of course, it doesn't stop me from making fun of him.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
I don't think it is. Your mucus is catching things that your body doesn't want in there.
Load More Replies...
#77
Not someone I was dating, a friend of mine's girlfriend. They were both sitting at the bar, and she turned to him and asked "Are the olympics, like, a competition?"
Once he told that story to his whole group of friends, we were all having a laugh, and I used my best teacher/understanding voice to ask her earnestly, what she thought the olympics were. She said "I dunno, I thought it was just like, Look what these people can do."
She was hotter than hell.
#78
When I woke up to messages of her crying about birds. They weren't sad. She just really likes birds.
#79
Not mine but my friends so called me, she got lost getting to the mailbox from her apartment. She also would get lost going from their apartment to mine........which was down the hall. She was special.
Huddo's sister 6 months ago
Lost or distracted? I know my sister and mum, who have ADHD, often get distracted on their way to places/do things. Then they realise they were meant to be doing something else and get disoriented.
ElfVibratorGlitter 6 months ago
Same! I start something, get distracted, get distracted again. And then I'm onto a completely separate task. Sometimes I remember the first thing, sometimes not
Load More Replies... #80
When he came up to me and said, "I think you're purty! Do you date White guys?" In front of at least thirty people. I could've died from the shame, being the introvert that I am.
#81
My friend got married to a Korean girl in the United States. At their wedding my wife asked if she was from north or South Korea. I burst out laughing in the middle of the ceremony. My wife isn't up on
Current Events. I love her so much.
#82
She allowed the vacuum salesman INTO OUR F*****G HOUSE! I sent that little b***h vacuum sales guy away!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Carney 6 months ago
We have a small farm where we raise organic produce and keep loads of animals. Last year a new family moved into the house bordering out property and close to where our chickens have their pen. The new neighbors kids love coming over to see the animals and to play, which we support since they are always well-mannered. A couple of weeks after they moved in, we let the kids pick out a dozen eggs from our chickens. Later that afternoon, the mother came over to see me. She was (is) very lovely, but clearly a city person. She thanked me for allowing her kids to take the eggs but she had thrown them away. Curious, I asked why. Because they cannot be eaten, right? You have to buy eggs at a grocery store because "wild" eggs are not edible. WHAT?! "Yes, wild eggs aren't real eggs, they are just for show." I couldn't stop laughing, As I said, they are great neighbors and intelligent, but very much city people who are still learning how to live in the country.
Nina 6 months ago
Intellect doesn't equal common sense or smarts. Had a class mate like this as well, really intelligent, but they could really not 'get' everyday things sometimes.
Roxy222uk 6 months ago
Plus everyone has stuff they've been fascinated by since birth, and have a good background knowledge on, while others just haven't been that interested because they've always been fascinated elsewhere. When I was at school my best friend thought it was shocking I couldn't name any of the players in the England football team and I was stunned when she looked at my sister's pet and asked if rabbits could climb trees.
Load More Replies... 
cheryl draxton 6 months ago
I came over to my uncle's house one day. Opened the fridge to get a drink and saw all these pans with an inch of jello in them. When I asked why all the pans...... "so the jello has room to rise". Um...it is not bread. That isn't even the worst.... Same uncle, to drunk to drive home so I say give me the keys I will drive you. He says I have to get in on the passenger side because the driver side door is broken. He says he has been trying for months to open it and it will not budge. I put the key in the lock and (surprise) UNLOCK IT. Yes the man was driving around for months with the door locked and under the impression that is was broken and "stuck". He was one of my favorite uncles but the man thought macaroni grew on trees and jello needed to "rise". We just all blamed it on the fact he was exposed to agent orange during Vietnam and it ate his brain.
Hassel Davidhoff 6 months ago (edited)
There is a difference between intelligence, schooling, and education.
Joe Publique 6 months ago
Let’s break this down. Some people may be fully capable of critical thinking, but were never properly taught, or they simply have not encountered certain ideas. That is ignorance, not stupidity. Others, however, might lack critical thinking skills entirely and actively reject facts, especially those that contradict their beliefs. That is stupidity, not ignorance. So the real question is: Which is more concerning, unintentional gaps in knowledge or the deliberate refusal to fill them when presented with evidence? In this context, I would argue it is the latter that qualifies as true stupidity.
Toasted Applesauce 6 months ago
The other day at May Crowning (a Catholic tradition where we ceremonially present flowers to Mary) my boyfriend looked at his flower and said "i think mine is dead! This is so sad, it doesn't even look like a rose :(". I had to inform him that it was in fact a carnation
Carney 6 months ago
We have a small farm where we raise organic produce and keep loads of animals. Last year a new family moved into the house bordering out property and close to where our chickens have their pen. The new neighbors kids love coming over to see the animals and to play, which we support since they are always well-mannered. A couple of weeks after they moved in, we let the kids pick out a dozen eggs from our chickens. Later that afternoon, the mother came over to see me. She was (is) very lovely, but clearly a city person. She thanked me for allowing her kids to take the eggs but she had thrown them away. Curious, I asked why. Because they cannot be eaten, right? You have to buy eggs at a grocery store because "wild" eggs are not edible. WHAT?! "Yes, wild eggs aren't real eggs, they are just for show." I couldn't stop laughing, As I said, they are great neighbors and intelligent, but very much city people who are still learning how to live in the country.
Nina 6 months ago
Intellect doesn't equal common sense or smarts. Had a class mate like this as well, really intelligent, but they could really not 'get' everyday things sometimes.
Roxy222uk 6 months ago
Plus everyone has stuff they've been fascinated by since birth, and have a good background knowledge on, while others just haven't been that interested because they've always been fascinated elsewhere. When I was at school my best friend thought it was shocking I couldn't name any of the players in the England football team and I was stunned when she looked at my sister's pet and asked if rabbits could climb trees.
Load More Replies... cheryl draxton 6 months ago
I came over to my uncle's house one day. Opened the fridge to get a drink and saw all these pans with an inch of jello in them. When I asked why all the pans...... "so the jello has room to rise". Um...it is not bread. That isn't even the worst.... Same uncle, to drunk to drive home so I say give me the keys I will drive you. He says I have to get in on the passenger side because the driver side door is broken. He says he has been trying for months to open it and it will not budge. I put the key in the lock and (surprise) UNLOCK IT. Yes the man was driving around for months with the door locked and under the impression that is was broken and "stuck". He was one of my favorite uncles but the man thought macaroni grew on trees and jello needed to "rise". We just all blamed it on the fact he was exposed to agent orange during Vietnam and it ate his brain.
Hassel Davidhoff 6 months ago (edited)
There is a difference between intelligence, schooling, and education.
Joe Publique 6 months ago
Let’s break this down. Some people may be fully capable of critical thinking, but were never properly taught, or they simply have not encountered certain ideas. That is ignorance, not stupidity. Others, however, might lack critical thinking skills entirely and actively reject facts, especially those that contradict their beliefs. That is stupidity, not ignorance. So the real question is: Which is more concerning, unintentional gaps in knowledge or the deliberate refusal to fill them when presented with evidence? In this context, I would argue it is the latter that qualifies as true stupidity.
Toasted Applesauce 6 months ago
The other day at May Crowning (a Catholic tradition where we ceremonially present flowers to Mary) my boyfriend looked at his flower and said "i think mine is dead! This is so sad, it doesn't even look like a rose :(". I had to inform him that it was in fact a carnation
You May Like 41 "Nice Girls" That Got A Reality Check Online For Their Delusional Behavior (New Pics) 30 Of The Funniest Tinder Profiles (Yes, They’re Real) People Share Things That Exist Only Because People Are Dumb
Justinas Keturka
Akvile Petraityte 🇺🇦
Neilas Šurkus
Related on Bored Panda
