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People Share 30 Of The Most Refined Versions Of “Screw You” They’ve Heard In The Workplace
We often try to be kind and understanding to people at work until it reaches a certain point when it is no longer an option, as it would mean allowing someone to abuse our time and energy with useless dead-end complaints, chats, or activities. Taken that we are able to identify such circumstances and trust our own judgment, we are left with nothing else to do but tell the ignorant or rude person off… in a professional manner. That’s when certain phrases can come in handy, as shared by these folks online, answering one Redditor’s question: “What’s the most professional “screw you” you’ve heard in the workplace?”
More info: Reddit
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#1
I used to have a coworker who was a know it all who could actually back it up. We had a memory leak (for non programmers: a very big issue) and he found it and was making the fix.
He sayd something in the lines of "the leak is in line 247" and our boss goes nuts, spends an hour ranting about how he wrote that code himself and there was no way the leak was there,
and how dumb he was to think it was there.
Coworker let's him talk for an hour, then with the best poker face says "that's great but the leak is in line 247." Then demonstrates it in a minute.
Bored&InSchool 2 years ago
that sounds like the good sort of know-it-all, actually good at their job and doesn't take stupid s**t.
Hakitosama 2 years ago
Huhuhu 😈 never underestimate the power of a good memory. I'm the terror of the f*ckers trying to sc*w us over at work because I have a terrifying memory (not the absolute one but a terrifying visual memory) so when one said "she said/wrote that" or "it was validated" before. They get tje ssssssssweetest "ho really? 😈 You're sure sure SURE?"
Gary Harkins 2 years ago
I hate when people have such a big ego they think they never do anything wrong. We're all human and we all make mistakes! Then to waste more time trying to argue how perfect you are.
RELATED:
#2
Once heard a coworker bust out in a monotone voice, "Ma'am, I need you to know that I am not emotionally invested in this conversation. What do you need so we can both go on with our lives?" Really had to stifle my laughter in my cube next to her.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago (edited)
I was once warned for bringing food from another place into a restaurant. My partner was vegan and the place my kids wanted was totally not. So she brought vegan with her. They wanted us to leave. So I said "1. That's illogical, you are losing four customers rather than one? 2. You can either fight me and make both our lives unpleasant, OR, you can just write it off and accept it and get on with taking the rest of the orders." They backed off.
A girl 2 years ago
Meeting with a difficult project manager. A team member sitting next to me mutters "ba// buster". My eyes got wide and our eyes met. He says 'oh g°d, did I say that out loud? The PM told our boss who interrogated us on the matter. "Why would you say that?". "Because she is a ba// buster". Our boss concurred and we had a good laugh about it.
#3
“May the rest of your day be as pleasant as you are”
#4
old coworker of mine was telling me he used to drive a forklift and had an a*****e boss. Came back from lunch 2 minutes late and the manager said " Your fired, move you last load on the forklift and leave"
Coworker: "Ok" and gets back in the forklift and dumps the load right onto the floor and spills everywhere
Manger: WHAT THE HELL!!! PICK THIS SH*T UP!!!
Coworker: You pick it up, I dont work here anymore
Bonesko 2 years ago (edited)
"You're fired after you finish all this.. Wait where ya' going?!"
MushroomHead22 2 years ago
i had to let someone go. it wasn't working out and he was great about it. to the point that i expected him to just leave after i met with him, but no he went back to his desk to finish his day... i told him you need to pack up and go, and he tells me "oh, i just want to send this email"... no dude, you no longer work here as of 5 minutes ago.
#5
Working at a call center taking orders from magazines. Customer's credit card keeps getting declined, tells me you can stick the damn card up your a*s!" I reply "I'm sorry sir but you're the only authorized user on the card."
#6
During a meeting a (British) manager made a comment about a TV show from the 1990s.
New employee - who loves to emphasize he is young and others are old - says “That show was on before I was born.”
Manager: “You should check it out. Things were good before you were born.”
Ricardo Ferreira 2 years ago
"Yeah, they stopped doing durable things, now we just have garbage."
Lemme get the lemons 2 years ago
I guess the lack of durable things is why he was there then
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#7
"A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
David Wambold 2 years ago
"But it is an opportunity for improvement on your part." So pleases do all the work while I chill in my office.
Sarah Goettge-Lunn 2 years ago
Thank you to the OP for posting this. I needed this. I work in housekeeping in a hotel. They have some delusions about how they want things done regardless of how busy we area.
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 2 years ago
I had that on a sign that I put up in my office... I always did my best to take care of my employees but still.
Old Roadie 2 years ago
Taught this to kids and grandkids when I taught them to drive. Don't let anyone make you drive faster than you can safely handle. Their inability to plan ahead is not your problem.
Two_rolling_black_eyes 2 years ago
I worked in IT disaster recovery for awhile and had a manager who said this all the time to clients during tests. He'd calmly explain that you ignored the advice of everyone and there is no data to restore. We found out your plan doesn't work. I'm not going to make my team sit here with nothing to do. Best thing is the CIO would back him up. Clients would then implement the disaster plan my manager recommended and when things went south for real, we always had full recoveries. Full disclosure - when it was real, we'd be sitting around spinning our thumbs until someone else got their part done.
#8
When I quit my last job, I wrote a kindly email to all my colleagues thanking them for their guidance and relationship, explaining how I enjoyed my time there. Around 60 people were on the email.
I did not put my abusive sociopath manager or enabling coldhearted director on the email. They found out, and I'm sure others noticed.
After nothing more than a cold response to my first quitting email to my group, all the sudden my director wanted to make amends to save face now that I sent the wider email.
She asked me why I didnt add her on the email about enjoying working with people and liking my time there. I responded "Because that wouldn't be honest."
Bridges burned there, but man those two ruined my life for a while.
Saint Tim the Godless 2 years ago
Similar experience, best possible reaction. When people f**k with you, leave. And never work in a place where you have more than 1 boss.
#9
"Thank you for your input. Does anyone have something valuable to add?"
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
Not subtle and not professional. "Thank you for your input. Does anybody else have something to add? , would have been more professional. Or : "Thank you for your input. Anybody else a different idea, in case this does not work out as planned ?" or :"Thank you for your input, but your idea does not sound quite finished yet".
Valek Fermiga 2 years ago
I think a kick in the gentleman's area would have hurt a LOT less....
#10
I had the sweetest old lady as a co-worker. She had been in the company for like 20 years. She knew more about our systems than most of our IT staff. One day, a senior manager in the IT department comes in and tries to tell her that her code was wrong. She put her hand on her chest, shook her head, said "Bless your heart darlin'" and turned around in her chair to continue working. Our boss laughed so hard and calmly explained to the IT manager why the code should probably not be changed.
Hill Branda 2 years ago
Bless Your Heart is Southern for "Dang you are stupid. That must be difficult for you."
Two_rolling_black_eyes 2 years ago
I knew (she died during COVID) a woman who wrote amazing COBOL for finance apps. Although she retired before I started working for the company, I met her because she was an emergency consultant. She told me point blank she charged what she used to get in a year to work one day. Her 30 year old code was still able to process transactions faster than anything written since then and they stopped teaching COBOL a long time ago in IT college classes. Her code was pre-2002 when COBOL went to object oriented so people couldn't figure out how she was able to make it work with the newer stuff. It did work though.
Historyharlot93 2 years ago
We use it in the Midwest, but as a true blessing instead of a hilarious insult. But you have to say it fast. Example: “Mary (bless her heart) is really going through a tough time.”
RapidUnscheduledDisassembly 2 years ago
Oh, we use it sincerely, too! You have to listen for the nuances to know which way we mean it, lol.
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Stannous Flouride 2 years ago
For non-Americans, "Bless your heart" is the way genteel Southerners here say, "Go F yourself, you stupid toe-rag."
Me. Just Me. 2 years ago
Laughed way to hard at this, but living in the southern U.S., I absolutely LOVE people like this!
Anna Drever 2 years ago
‘Sweetest old lady as a co-worker’. Was she in her 80’s? I’m betting she was in her fifties or early sixties. That’s not old.
#11
My family works in the textile industry.
Once, my dad worked at a company that had a vendor that made buttons for various types of clothes. They had not paid this vendor yet, but my Dads boss was still pressuring him to pressure the vendor to get something done (I don’t recall the specifics).
Well, the button vendor had taken enough s**t, so he made a a custom run of buttons and sent them back a shirt in which every button had “f**k you, pay me” custom engraved into it.
Professional etiquette? No, definitely not. Professional f**k you? Most definitely.
sylvantic 2 years ago
Boss. Boss was pressuring the day to pressure someone. Boss’s idea.
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Old Roadie 2 years ago
Mike Monteiro! One of the best TED-variety talks on dealing with clients, especially in creative work. It's from GoodFellas but beautifully adapted to his coaching classes for creatives.
#12
During an exit interview...
"Ya, I had a great 3 years here."
"But, you worked here for 5 years..."
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I left a tableware company in Seattle because of the owner, who was a narcissistic, pill popping witch. I answered to her husband since he was the CFO & I was the bookkeeper. She made life a living hell for one chosen employee each year until they finally quit - so they wouldn't be eligible for unemployment. Year five was my turn. At my exit interview I listed all the BS she had pulled on me, including that around every September she made me pull all of HIS phone records and credit card statements to "prove" he was cheating on her (he wasn't). Within a year one of the longest working employees quit & her husband left her. The company is still going strong, but I feel sorry for everyone who stayed in that toxic environment.
Jane Hower 2 years ago
That's funny!! And I used to say "I was happily married for 10 years - 10 out of 14 ain't bad!"
#13
‘To save any further confusion on your part...’ had a brutal ring to it when I spotted that in an email chain!
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
I like this one too. Saying that they are stupid, without saying they are stupid. And make it sound as if you are helping them
#14
I worked for a s****y manager who trashed my work in a performance review. It was an absurd critique that I contested with upper management. In the body of my response, I used my manager’s initials rather than his full name. His initials were MF.
Bonesko 2 years ago (edited)
I'm sick of these MF Managers in this MF place!
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April Caron 2 years ago
During my time in a call center, any adjustment to a customer’s bill over a certain amount needed to go through an approvals process. Sometimes representatives would be issued a “follow up.” It meant more work. If a credit wasn’t warranted, the representative would be directed to contact the customer to let them know. Reps hated follow ups. But when they were completed, the rep had to notify the approvals manager that they had completed the follow up. I got a call from an approvals manager telling me one of my reps was using derogatory references in his notes addressed to this approvals manager. And it happened several times. Hmmm. I looked at the follow up notes. He was correct. My rep was using “FU” in his notes. I started laughing and the approvals manager asked, “What’s so funny?” And I asked him, “Do you suppose ‘FU’ means ‘follow up” and not “f**k you?” He got quiet for a second and said, “Oh. Never mind.” Then hung up. But, I knew my rep… and “FU” meant “f**k you.” No doubt!
Markéta Fišlová 2 years ago
Hey, my initials are MF damn … this never occured to me … now I have to make sure I always sign my full name lol 😂
Lisa Hathaway 2 years ago
I would have somehow pulled in a "customer support" reference "MF/CS" lol
Ducklord88 2 years ago
I legit thought they blanked put "silly" and i was like why wpuld they blank out silly? Its not a curse word but then it kicked in lol
#15
"If that is your understanding of the current agreement, we need to revisit the language so that your expectation levels can be set more appropriately."
David Wambold 2 years ago
Company speak for your contract is over and we are giving your more work without more pay.
#16
I was told during grad school that this is the meaning of "duly noted". It implies that you heard the person, will remember it, but not do a goddamn thing about it.
Taibhse Sealgair 2 years ago
That is exactly what it means and in the rare cases I can say it, it's AWESOME!
#17
My dad is the finance manager at a car dealership and he once told me: " Bonsai, it's not what you say, but how you say it." To illustrate his point, he popped his head out of his office, smiled his biggest, happiest smile, and said "Hey...F**K YOU!" to the 1st employee he saw. The employee turned, saw my dads face and, sure as s**t, smiled back and said "f**k YOU too!" and kept walking.
Dragons Exist 2 years ago
That's their username to avoid there real name. I'm sure he called them by their real name
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SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
Okay, but smiling and saying "f**k you too!" is my usual response to any greeting.
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 2 years ago
If someone said that to me with a smile like that I would end up taking it as a compliment
#18
I once worked on a software project for VISA file processing on project. The API that I used in the project we tried to make had a memory leak that was practically impossible to handle and would crash the service a few days later when the server ran out of memory. Early on I made an alternative solution. Was rejected. Junior me was practically ignored. Needle in a haystack work resumed. Delays happened. Senior consultant suggests and employs a solution identical to my recommendation on the cusp of the deadline. Email chain floated around. I put in my part with a small timeline of events and links to related email chains. Specifically I wanted my boss (I was a contractor) to know and see my position. One of the bank's employees CC'd the whole chain to the higher-ups later on. My email was found and dissected. Said bosses found the source of the "he-said-she-said-b******t". It was clear they simply ignored me and were covering their asses in the blame game. Many people "resigned".
Mel Colley 2 years ago
If your solution was written like your story, I can see why it was overlooked. It was just hard to understand.
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 2 years ago
For a few who commented they don’t understand, allow me to explain: Stuff’s going wrong. OP makes a suggestion to fix it. No one listens. Other guy who is higher up makes exact same suggestion. They listen then. OP sends emails about how he suggested it first. Higher-ups get fired — excuse me, resign
Zaach 2 years ago
I worked for a CC processing co. back in the 90s; there often would be a burglary where only the cc processing device would be stolen so they would immediately deactivate the device from the network. On our daily employee fresh air walk I suggested that maybe, instead of deactivating the device, they capture the cc info and report the cards as stolen (duh, the point of stealing the devices was to find out whether or not the cards were still 'good'). One of my cow-orkers asked how I came up with such ideas - I said "well, when I don't have anything better to do, I think about things" Don't know if my idea went anywhere but became moot later
#19
"We don't need two weeks notice, you can leave this morning."
Dave Hanel 2 years ago
I worked for a company that never accepted 2 weeks. They would tell you to grab your tools out of your van, call you a cab and pay you for the 2 weeks. Company policy to prevent management retaliation, employee theft or disgruntled work during your last 2 weeks.
Load More Replies... Not-a-Clue-What-to-Call-Myself 2 years ago
Yes, especially if there might be any bad feeling. They don't want to give people the opportunity to do any damage before they go.
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Wuggerhumphden 2 years ago
I'm in the UK bu have former colleagues in Hong Kong. One of them became a former colleague by showing up to work and being refused entry to the building. He'd done nothing wrong, it was a round of lay-offs which were administered without warning.
HeavyMetalHeart 2 years ago
An employee of my firm resigned and was escorted out immediately after trash talking the directors loudly, in a public area of the office, right next to the conference room where all the directors were meeting…
Edward Dwyer 2 years ago
My boss told me I would be getting a raise in a couple of weeks or whatever short time period. She then quit or was fired before that happened. Her boss was now in charge and would not honor the raise. I found another job and they wanted me to start in 3 days. I told my "new" boss that and he literally yelled at me about not giving 2 weeks' notice. I left right then and there. They wanted me to do an exit interview. LOL
Nizumi 2 years ago
I did the opposite. Being told how unprofessional I was leaving at the end of the week (it was a Tuesday morning, and I was going to stay on for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday), I responded with "I'm giving up vacation days by staying until the end of the week. I can leave now if you prefer." I spent the rest of the week in peace being able to leave clear decks for the next poor schmuck tricked into that hell hole.
Jane Hower 2 years ago
I would have anyway, right?? With mgmt attitude like that who wouldn't.
#20
In a monthly team meeting of about 45 people a woman stood up and announced "I respectfully disagree with everything you just said". It was amazing. We still use it around the workplace as a joke.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
It's not just that my last boss didn't know anything. It's that he didn't even suspect anything.
#21
I was in a meeting where we were planning out a huge client presentation and one of the guys who was there just went off on a complete diatribe of how he would go about adding some flair. He was known for being a loudmouth, and after about 15 minutes of his plans, the team lead just literally put up his hand and waited for him to stop talking. He sat there for 30 seconds in silence and then moved on. No addressing anything that was just said.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I find the best way to deal with this is to look at your watch and start playing with your phone. Eventually they get the hint that they're waffling.
Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
I'm sorry, but being a therapist is not part of my job description! Would you like me to Google one up for you?
#22
Had a clinical specialist at work once who was out to get me. I normally hate it when people say that, but when coworkers repeatedly came up to me and explained that they thought she was out to get me I conceded. Anyway, she tried to call me out for not documenting a surgical incision on a patient, and called my manager over to witness the encounter. I had no idea what she was talking about, as I hadn’t had any post op traumas in weeks. Finally as she was digging into me I realized she was talking about a patient whose surgery HAD BEEN CANCELLED due to fever; she never set foot in the OR. Once my realization hit, my “you mean the woman from room X 4 weeks ago? That woman never had surgery, that’s why there was no incision to document on.” Was the best “Eff you” in the work place ever. The follow up “well perhaps you should reread the OR note to confirm.” Was the best “and your little dog, too!”
Andrew Arons 2 years ago
Umm, "and your little dog, too!" is a classic line from the Wizard of Oz... https://youtu.be/OQ_g6NOo7yo
Load More Replies... #23
We have no plans to pursue the matter now or in the future. We ask that you refrain from further contact with us.
Hill Branda 2 years ago
Seems pretty clear--a very polite and professional way of saying GTFO.
Valek Fermiga 2 years ago
How to tell someone they will get a restraining order without telling them....
Wuggerhumphden 2 years ago
I need to use this with a current project I have and a sales rep who doesn't understand what No means.
#24
- " There's no way you can force me to show you my ID to cash a check"
Me: "There's no way you can force me to cash the check for you then. Have a nice day. Next costumer please!"
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 2 years ago
Maybe it’s an illegitimate ID? And he’s trying to get money for a fake check or something? Idk just guessing here
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"I apologize for the delay in responding to your email. I wanted to ensure that I could give this matter the time and attention it deserves."
David Wambold 2 years ago
LOL. I always give matters the time and attention they deserve. Is my break over yet?
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
yep I use this all the time. It means I do not have time for your bs.
#26
"As per my previous email"
or
"Let's take this offline"
or
"Interesting. Moving on"
Lois Reese 2 years ago
I used that first one many times during my career at one particular employer, particularly the 11 of 16 years there.
Celtic Pirate Queen 2 years ago
I loved using "Per my previous email". It's office speak for "B*tch, can you read?"
#27
So, one I got to do as an articling student (lawyer-in-training). So, some guy had sued our client, we were both defending and counterclaiming. My boss says, "Okay, this is some stupid s**t from the other side. Find a way to sort this out." What was the stupid s**t? The other side had agreed to accept service of the statement of defence, but not of the counterclaim. So, he was arguing we needed to serve the counterclaim on the plaintiff personally. So, I sent back a letter along these lines: "Dear sir, I note that rule X of the rules of court specifies that if you are counsel of record on this matter, then service on you is sufficient. The rule does not allow for selective acceptance of service for some documents and not others. If you are denying that you are counsel of record, then I note that rule Y specifies that the procedure is that all actions on this matter are immediately to be halted until things are resolved by the court. Please see attached case law indicating that where this occurs due to tactical gamesmanship by a party, that the courts have awarded costs on a solicitor-and-own-client basis [IE, that they would have been on the hook for our client's full, actual legal bills--much cash]. I trust you will determine that you are in fact counsel of record and service of these documents is accepted. Please advise immediately." We very hastily got back a "Yes, we are his lawyers, we accept service". One of my most satisfying "F**k off and quit your b******t" moments of my legal career.
StitchIsCuteAndFluffy 2 years ago
To sum it up for those who have difficulty reading big words, or at all… (I’m joking here, no offense to you): Bad lawyers want to sign one part of a document but not the other part. They have to sign both, that’s how it works. So OP emails them that if they don’t sign the other part they are responsible for paying a lot of cash (legal stuff). Bad lawyers quickly email back and say they’ll sign it.
Alecto76 2 years ago
This is a good example of why none of my family/friends wants to hear about my work. Before I get anywhere near the "exciting" part (usually exciting only to lawyers), they have have already died of boredom. If any manage to survive to the end, I get to my Ta-Da! part and they say "oh, that's good I guess."
Garald Suazo 2 years ago
I finished law school, so it is simple. Claimants' attorney accepts counsel of the defendant attorney until the defendant counter sues. Claimants' attorney tries to pull a fast one by claiming the counterclaim is separate which it is not in most local and federal jurisdictions to avoid costs. OP should be proud of his skills.
Jane Hower 2 years ago
OMG, that is SOOOOO good!!! Smart kid!!! Hope he did, or does, well as an Attorney!!!
#28
I had a terrible supervisor years ago. She was dumb as dirt, but thought she was brilliant. If we had a good idea we had to convince her that it was her idea first, then she would implement it.
One day, she was going on and on about some stupid new policy she wanted to start. One of the newer co-workers was trying to argue with her about it. Finally the boss turned to me in frustration and said, “When I give an order you need to do it. Right, Middleaged? I responded with. “Right boss. When you tell me to do something, I do it. No matter how STUPID it is.” She said thank you and left the room.
#29
The f**k you lawyer letters that I have seen usually start with "Please be advised" and end with "govern yourself accordingly".
Garald Suazo 2 years ago
These types of letters can go in several different directions and are basically harassment sent to defendants or defendant attorneys. This can lead to multiple motions to the court which is the "govern".
Karen Startz Richardson 2 years ago
*Keeping, "so, govern yourself accordingly" for future use ;)
#30
My ex-boss once sent an e-mail to her team signed "Kind r***rds".
I guess it could have been a typo, but still...
Kirsten Kerkhof 2 years ago
One of my students ended his message with ‘Kind regrets.’ I’m pretty sure it was an honest mistake, but, boy, did it fit the content of the message.
Red Wyvern Emperor 2 years ago
Similar at my job. One girl, pretty sweet otherwise, instead of Best Regards, wrote Best Retards. Nobody told her and she still has it in her signature. XD
sylvantic 2 years ago
I had a biology teacher in high school who told someone not to do something in their project because “that’s re****ed” and I got whiplash because he’s a young guy in an era where that is not acceptable for a teacher to say! And I know for a fact that there was at least one developmentally disabled person in that class… this is the guy who tried to be super woke.
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Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
To be fair, G and T are right next to each other on the keyboard... But this is why proofreading is important
#31
Overheard my boss once say
"Our policy is...(long pause while he loads up his phrasing, then clearly changes his mind and just says)...no."
Literally thirty years ago and still gives me a chuckle
#32
“In order to maintain efficiency, I’d prefer to engage with your decision making team.”
Translation: I’d rather not waste my time talking to you, your opinion doesn’t matter to either of our organizations.
#33
"Unfortunately your position no longer exists in our current management model." Or "You've been promoted to customer." Both of these from Circuit City (RIP).
#34
"I have faith in your ability to figure it out." I used this line a lot with one of my less-than-stellar trainees.
David Wambold 2 years ago
You figure it out while I consider opportunities for entertainment among the staff. I will be product testing our latest video game.
Tess 2 years ago
I've witnessed this in the most literal sense by many different "managers" all too often at my previous employer.
Load More Replies... #35
Maybe not a direct "f**k you" but when doing references for employees who sucked. "I can only confirm that they worked here..." is basically me saying "yeah they worked here, they were s**t and I have nothing good to say about them." It's kind of a read between the lines type thing and the person calling me for the reference tends to get it. If someone asks you to be a reference and you couldn't weasel out of it, just stick to saying they worked with you and you have no further comments. Don't risk your own professional integrity because of some toolbag that probably quit a week before they were going to be fired.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
Sometimes applicants will sue their previous employer if they say anything negative and the applicant doesn't get the job. I had a boss tell me that because it had happened to her. (The case was dismissed). She said that now she just verifies that the person worked there and nothing else. Employers do read between the lines.
SkyBlueandBlack 2 years ago
Which, ironically, is all they're legally supposed to do.
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DogsRunMyLife 2 years ago
One of my favorites to say is “I’m surprised he put me down as a reference“ that usually gets the message across
Michael Largey 2 years ago
"Based on our experience, you will be lucky to get this person to work for you."
Brenda 2 years ago
When I worked as an office manager, we were only allowed to confirm that they had worked there, the starting & ending dates and if they were eligible for rehire. Nothing else. Personnel were told to forward calls to me or my boss & not to give information on anyone stating company policy
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
This is a tricky one, especially if your subordinate was actively malevolent.
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
Over here - in a reference letter - it is by law not allowed to speak negatively. Who would you hire: A. He tried to finish the tasks given and with the right guidance and help he did manage to accomplish them within the given time. or B. He successfully accomplished the tasks given quickly and showed great enthusiasm and capability.
Bill McDowall 2 years ago
There are many of these: "frequently sober", "Often on time" and "Normally reliable " to name but three.
#36
"Per my email" is a great way of putting it.
Salty Sasquatch 2 years ago
I think it's more 'I emailed you about this very thing yesterday and have you read it yet you idiot??'
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Attorney: I want these changes made to the document.
My boss: no.
Attorney: you have to make these changes!
My boss: I’m not going to.
Attorney: I insist!
My boss: but it’s not going to happen. So here we are.
Ricardo Ferreira 2 years ago
"Maybe we should call a scientist, because now we have an unmovable object facing an unstoppable as*h0le."
#38
I am not contractually obligated to fulfill that request. It is also important to note that doing so would also be a violation of international trade laws.
censorshipsucks 2 years ago
I have had a similar debate with a client who wanted their customer database searchable via the web. It would, they averred, be required, that the customer name, qualifications, and contact details, be exposed. I said in response that that would be illegal, and this query constitutes requesting me to commit a crime, in terms of [cited legislation]. I am unable to comply with your request legally. Normally these guys had a 'just do it' vibe. This time they backed down.
#39
"I'm terribly sorry you feel that way. Please feel free to contact our complaints department."
(To someone who wanted an appointment on a day when there were no appointments available, but insisted that she would come in on that day, at that time)
"You're more than welcome to come in on that day, but I'm afraid there will be nobody available to see you. You'll have much better luck if we simply book an appointment for a different day."
#40
Putting "I hope this helps" at the end of an email where I'm actually being unhelpful.
Nurichwersonst 2 years ago
I have done this occassionally 😅 they probably think that i am not a great help and go ask someone else - problem solved. 😁
#41
"Let's hold any further questions until the end."
#43
"I'll look into that."
#44
*When someone interrupts a presentation with a dumbass question or statement.*
"That is an interesting point. (Pretends to write something down) I'll come back to that later."
Kobe (she) 2 years ago
But then you'll have to come back to it later.... "That is an interesting point. I'll take it in consideration".
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What do you think ?
Fabian Bernard 2 years ago
When I didn't wanted to do a s...y task at my former job, I used to say ''I do not have enough overview on the situation yet to act in an efficient and skilled way'' Worked every time
I Am, In Fact, That Weirdo 2 years ago
With the greatest respect, that’s very interesting. I’ll bear it in mind.
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Superb Owl 2 years ago
I've been using this: "Thank you for your feedback. We will make sure to give it the consideration it deserves."
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
When I worked in engineering Boss: You are like a late night train in a dark tunnel. You look bright but as you get a better look there is nothing inside. My friend to an employee who nearly damaged a £25000 printer: You do your job and you can do my job when you work out how its done
Fabian Bernard 2 years ago
When I didn't wanted to do a s...y task at my former job, I used to say ''I do not have enough overview on the situation yet to act in an efficient and skilled way'' Worked every time
I Am, In Fact, That Weirdo 2 years ago
With the greatest respect, that’s very interesting. I’ll bear it in mind.
Load More Replies... Superb Owl 2 years ago
I've been using this: "Thank you for your feedback. We will make sure to give it the consideration it deserves."
Cyber Returns 2 years ago
When I worked in engineering Boss: You are like a late night train in a dark tunnel. You look bright but as you get a better look there is nothing inside. My friend to an employee who nearly damaged a £25000 printer: You do your job and you can do my job when you work out how its done
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