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People are social creatures. Sneaky social creatures. According to Dr. Michael Slepian, who is the Sanford C. Bernstein & Co. Associate Professor of Leadership and Ethics at Columbia University, the average person keeps around 13 secrets at any given time.
However, keeping stuff from others can be harmful in the long run, both physically and psychologically. (Although it's worth pointing out that Slepian discovered it's not the withholding that hurts us; instead, it's the ruminating.)
So when a Reddit user asked everyone on the platform to share that one thing they wanted to get off their chest, many revealed their heaviest burdens. Continue scrolling to discover the most common secrets people keep, and hopefully, these anonymous confessions will reassure you that it's OK if you're not an open book. (Virtually) nobody else is.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Here's a happy one folks: I love her. It's too early to tell her but we have both been dancing around the phrase and we both know that's what it is. We can't go a day without meeting or calling and at any given moment I would rather be cuddling with her. As a guy who struggled dating for the longest time, it got better.
RELATED:
#2
Although I am highly involved, positive at work and have only changed positions 5 times in a nearly 35 year career, they are not my family and I would walk out for a higher paycheck in a split second.
Jeremy Bolanos 1 year ago
I have worked with people who became great friends. I had zero problems leaving for a new job because friends are forever, jobs are not.
Jeroen de Wijn 1 year ago
That's the right attitude. Their company would make them redundant without another thought.
Joseph Dixon 1 year ago
They would fire him in a heartbeat to bring in someone with a lower salary, so... Loyalty is dead.
#3
I broke my parents up 20ish years ago and to this day mom thinks dad hired a PI
Nope, it was actually just a wildly coincidental situation. I had in my possession, dad's new video camera one night when I went with my boyfriend to pick up his drunk brother from the bar and out walks my mom out of the same bar while we waited and played with camera and she WALKED IN THE FRAME SWAPPING SPIT WITH A DUDE I'D NEVER SEEN BEFORE!
She was a drunk with newer [addiction] habit plus dad had recently told me before this that he thought she was cheating on him and so s**t at my home was insanely bad. I got my chance to get her out of my life...
And I f*****g took it.
Couragetcd 1 year ago
I would own it. I took the pictures, you were too drunk and stupid to notice you were making out with not dad in front of me. Bye b***h!
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
She was cheating. OP didn't break them up. Sounds like this crazy coincidence worked out great, in fact.
Airy fAiry 1 year ago
Why so downvoted for this question. I feel exactly the same because my parents were like this.
Load More Replies... #4
Afghanistan, 1994. A better man than me, gave his life to Save mine. 30 years later, I still deal with the guilt, and feeling like I haven't lived up to his sacrifice.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Sometimes counseling make things even harder.. and then, on top of everything, you have to pretend that therapy is great... While inside you feel even guiltier because of it
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Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
Redditor and anyone else who needs to see this: someone else’s death is NOT your fault unless you directly murdered them. If somebody sacrifices themself for you, that is their choice. If someone kills themself, that is not your fault. Have a good day y’all.
Major Harris 1 year ago
don't know if you will see this, but this navy veteran salutes you and the man who saved your life.
#5
I gave my baby nephew a noisy toy because I was having a petty fight with my sister.
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
Are there adult siblings with niblings who haven't done this? Only trouble is if you then go on to have children, you're going to get it back in spades lol.
Poison Ivy/Boo 1 year ago
I emigrated to another country and didn't get the blow back lol
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Adam Belaire 1 year ago
It's the right and duty of Aunts/Uncles to give noisy toys and lots of stickers to the nieces/nephews.
Jeremy Bolanos 1 year ago
I made sure a neighbor kid had a never-ending supply of kazoos after he kept sneaking up on me to scare me. He never snuck up on anyone after that, but I enjoyed hearing him play with one and suddenly one of his parents screaming "where do you keep getting these?"
ucp 1 year ago
I deliberately bought nieces and nephews noisy toys because my siblings were never quiet when I wanted to study as a kid.
greenguy 1 year ago
ooooh, as a teenager with two younger brothers I cannot wait to try this one
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Scott Rackley 1 year ago
My brother, who I really do love (sometimes), can be a d**k at times. His son's birthday he got fingerpaints from me. Not sorry.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
My own mother did this when my oldest was a baby. One of those popcorn popper push toys because she said I drove her nuts with it when I was little. Thanks mom. Love you too
MotherofGuineaPigs 1 year ago
One year at Christmas I said 'Oh look, you got a new toy for grandmas house'. Never happened again.
#6
I accidentally wore my wife’s mom jeans to work today and none of my coworkers have noticed. Personally, the high waist has my a*s looking awesome.
Id row 1 year ago
See, you'd think so, but I've actually had this happen. My husband came downstairs in a panic one time because his Dockers had shrunk so much, he was talking a mile a minute while I just stared with my mouth open. He was wearing *my* navy Dockers, lol. And while I was speechless, watching him panic and try to pull on pants that came halfway up his calves and while he was standing in the doorway, did one of those hop things to try to pull them up. He hit his head and knocked himself out for a sec. I finally saw him moving around on the floor muttering 'pants' while I fell on the ground pissing myself laughing. I'd pay a thousand bucks to have a video of that, it was incredible, lol.
Load More Replies... Sand Ers 1 year ago
I had to carry this over from the original thread:. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AaronCorr • 3mo ago I grabbed my wife's jeans once before going to work at a school. Noticed in the rest room. Went home over lunch changed, and came back. A slightly gossipy pupil asked me: "Mr. Corr, weren't you wearing women's jeans earlier?" With my best pokerface I said "Huh?! I've been wearing the same jeans all day." Poor girl was so confused.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I bet you could fit plenty of owls and cats in it.
Load More Replies... Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Well, at least it wasn't her panties. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
If no one has noticed the wardrobe mistake, how does he know how his a*s looks?
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
LOL looks like he might be considering "accidentally" wearing them more often
#7
I'm a middle-aged father that works hard and keeps my family together. We don't miss meals or rent, barely. But, when I leave in the morning and I'm alone on the drive I cry and scream and wail at the stress. I'm scared. We're one bad thing away from doom. But, I make it my mission to project confidence and safety to my family. They're oblivious. I'm okay by the time I get home every night. I cook and help out and spend time with them.
SleepSycho 1 year ago (edited)
I am incredibly critical of capitalism's faults but other systems, or lack of systems, are perfectly capable producing similar results. Universal dad (and single or breadwinner mom) plight. Life is hard in this world. Especially when others depend on you.
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Crescent 3 1 year ago
This is why we husbands and fathers die younger. This describes a lot of men, and when you add in the fact that there are few socially acceptable ways for men to express this stress, it compounds the problem because we turn it inward.
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
Don’t keep your problems to yourself all the time. Somebody out there is willing to listen, somebody is willing to help.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Someone who you need to pay for... Therapy is not free and when you struggle to survive, counseling is unattainable.. that's why many people have to choose any kind of religious groups, not out faith, but because there is no other choice.. and that's why sects are so successful
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ColdSteelRonin 1 year ago
Brene Brown an excerpt from Listening To Shame : "For men, shame is not a bunch of competing, conflicting expectations. Shame is one, do not be perceived as what? Weak. I did not interview men for the first four years of my study. And it wasn't until a man looked at me one day after a book signing, said, "I love what you have to say about shame, I'm curious why you didn't mention men." And I said, "I don't study men." And he said, "That's convenient." (Laughter) And I said, "Why?" And he said, "Because you say to reach out, tell our story, be vulnerable. But you see those books you just signed for my wife and my three daughters?" I said, "Yeah." "They'd rather me die on top of my white horse than watch me fall down. When we reach out and be vulnerable we get the s**t beat out of us. And don't tell me it's from the guys and the coaches and the dads, because the women in my life are harder on me than anyone else." "
Ripley 1 year ago
This is toxic masculinity at its finest, and women are just as guilty of it as men. Anyone who holds men to a ridiculous "Real men do/don't do X" standards perpetuates this toxic and damaging ideal of "masculinity" that men are literally dying from.
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EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇩🇿🇵🇸 1 year ago
That poor poor man. It makes me worry about his mental and emotional health.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Poor guy :< I bet he's an amazing dad (and husband? No spouse was mentioned, so idk if he's a single dad).
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
Kudos to this man for his hard work. If I were married to him, I would wish he could talk to me about how he feels. If the kids are in school, I would be happy to get a part time job to ease his stress.
#8
When my mom dies I will need to check myself into a mental institution because she is the thing keeping me here. And I’m afraid that will be the thing that tips me over the edge.
Just so people know, I’m ok. My mom is my best friend and I’m terrified of life without her.
Sentina in the swamp 1 year ago
Get a furbaby. Now. So it can know your Mom too and you all can grieve together when the time comes.
eric p 1 year ago (edited)
Or a furby and she can posses it and stay with you forever. No batteries needed
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Prince Lee 1 year ago
yes, get a dog or cat, live for them, think of how you feel if your mom passed, That feeling is how someone else will feel if you go, That is the only reason i never did anything, my mom and aunt just went and i wantedto let go too, but i stay here for my dog, i stay here for my brother, his wife... and its enough, and if you think you have no one, know that even if i don't know you, I love you and will miss you when your gone so don't speed it up, even tho we don't know each other or you may not see this, hopefully someone else can see it and that message is the same "I love you and will miss you when your gone so don't speed it up"
Geekymummy 1 year ago
My mum was my best friend and she died of dementia, which is the worst thing that can happen to a human imo. Most of the time, I manage okay. I'm a mum myself, which helps. But I miss her so so much every single day. Some days are very dark. But somehow I get through them. You will survive but happiness will never be as pure as it is now. Love her now and cherish your time with her. That will help when she's no longer here.
Auntriarch 1 year ago
Sometimes when I go into the kitchen to get my dad a coffee, I find myself wondering if he will have slipped away quietly in his chair, and I don't know if that's a fear or a hope. He still knows me, and we can still occasionally make each other laugh, but the future of the disease terrifies and saps me. My mother, I don't know how she copes, her strength is unbelievable. But I have a hard time focusing on the now to cherish it.
Load More Replies... Angrykitten 1 year ago
Get therapy now. Pursue a hobby outside of your relationship with your mom. One that is solely for you
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
a) I second getting a pet (there's a lot of us who are here and healthy because we have been through a period when feeding/walking/caring for a pet is the only thing that has kept us going) b) get therapy now. It's fine being that close to your parent, but you know the odds are they will die before you and if you're aware it will deeply damage you, you need coping strategies now.
Groundcontroltomajortom 1 year ago
My mum is 68 and I'm terrified of this. My dad took his own life so any time she's ill or doesn't answer her phone/ door I'm petrified!
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#9
My work day is like 35% looking at Reddit these days. Just got commended for my great work with a promotion so I don't see a reason to change things up!
Mark Fergel 1 year ago
Bored Panda and YouTube. They don't pay me for how busy I am. They pay me for what I know and how quickly I resolve the issues.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
Don't forget reading books and playing on your phone. It's okay with my boss, he knows how it's quiet around here.
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Sue 1 year ago
It fills my downtime while I'm waiting for screens to upload & documents to download & logins to login. I counted that I use literally 27 different applications to do my job, most of them daily, and some are just SLOW. Feels like the old days downloading from Napster. If I didn't have Reddit, I would go stark, raving mad because keeping busy makes the day go faster.
Couragetcd 1 year ago
This. Plus, I've had two supervisors tell me three different times it would be okay if I slowed down a little. I didn't while in a production position, but it helped me get to a knowledge based position where I can play the slow and steady game. With slow to load programs.
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Blondie23 1 year ago
dude... I am currently on bored panda because my work is pretty much done and it's 11 am. I am not about to over work myself anymore!
Upstaged75 1 year ago
I have work to do, but I'll get to it later. I have all day. :)
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#10
One time I brought soda to a potluck-type party. On the way to the party, the bag ripped and the two soda bottles fell and rolled all the way down the hill with me (despite being athletic at the time) cursing and chasing them.
I got to the party and just... set the soda down on the table, and walked off to a different corner to socialize. Didn't say anything. That's someone else's problem now.
Some time later, there was a massive hissing explosion, and the girl who had opened the sprite I brought was standing there, in a white shirt that had become completely see through, looking shell shocked and very wet.
Sorry Christy.
Nikki138 1 year ago
Agreed! Don't know about you but I needed a really good laugh today. What was the word Trevor Noah said. I can't spell it. German word laughing at someone else's misfortune. Sorry/Not Sorry
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mysterious(all pronouns) 1 year ago
At least it wasn't orange or grape soda, her shirt wasn't ruined, just wet and sticky.
Ordhaj 1 year ago
When I left a job, a coworker invited me over for dinner with a few of my other coworkers. She asked me to open the wine but didn't tell me two details: * It was red wine but was effervescent (I had never heard of bubbly red wine) * She had dropped the bottle. End result, red wine all over the ceiling ... and then the carpet.
#11
When I was in 5th grade maybe (10-11yrs old). I wanted to go home really bad so I decided I would pretend to pass out. Went to the bathroom during lunchtime, peed, washed my hands, then laid down in the floor to and closed my eyes waiting for someone to find me. It was AN HOUR and a half, (after lunchtime and recess) before the janitor found me when he came to clean.
My mom was called, i pretended to not know how I passed out. But because i had been laying face down, there was a red spot on my forehead, so they assumed i tripped and hit my head or something. but it worked! I got to go home, didnt have to deal with a school bully, and my parents let me sleep and play games all day.
FAST FORWARD! I did it again several months later, but this time out on a nature walk our class was on (bc I was a lazy kid who wanted to be inside) but I wanted it to be super believable since there would be others around. So this time I tripped and fell (actually landed on a tiny rock so did scrape my face) and started twitching my legs like I thought it was supposed to look having a seizure. The other kids panicked and yelled for a teacher and this time they did call 911 and my mom. My mom actually beat the ambulance to me.
So i end up in the hospital, where I continue to pretend something is wrong bc I want to be out for like a few days so i could just be home like last time. (I hated school y’all! Was well behaved and got straight a’s and b’s but had a TERRIBLE time making friends bc I was super shy; like not talk unless spoken to kind) anyway, to keep up the charade, i changed from my legs twitching to my left wrist (easier to maintain) and just kept doing it every now and again for a solid five hours. At one point my mom asked me if I was doing it, and I said “no why would i fake that?” And she said okay just checking.
Anyway, after 6 years of test after test, and multiple doctors visits trying to figure out what was wrong (I am 15-16 at this point, I was wayyy too deep to ever admit anything, with all the money I’m sure I costed us with all the running and tests…BASED ON A LIE IN FIFTH GRADE) medical teams actually concluded I had seizure disorder. I was flabbergasted, since my a*s was just faking but like now i might actually have to take meds? Turns out, as I approached puberty, these fake seizures i had to get out of school actually was a developing REAL seizure disorder called Catamenial seizures. These are a type of seizure disorders directly linked to your menstruation cycle, and because of it, I had SEVERE heavy bleeding all through my periods for up to a month at a time. HIGHLY IRREGULAR. Mine were so severe in fact, I had to stop having them all together and be regulated with an IUD. Also I was told after an exam from a gynecologist that with this disorder, that if I ever wanted a child, that it would be hell, that there was more than a 60% chance that either I, my baby, or both would die during childbirth.
TLDR; I faked having passing out/ having seizures to get out of school, but then it turns out I actually have a seizure disorder and am infertile because of it.
Joe Reaves 1 year ago
Is anyone else concerned that the school didn't notice a missing 10/11 year old for 90 minutes? And even then they didn't notice her missing, the janitor simply found her by accident. If she actually had had a medical emergency that length of time could easily have been fatal! I don't expect them to watch 10 year olds the way they would toddlers but NINETY minutes!?
R Sravanthi 1 year ago
OMG! That escalated quickly! Hope you're doing fine now and wishing you good health! ❣️ Can't believe people here are invoking Karma and all! It was supposed to be just a harmless drama to escape school; all those who're thinking about Karma, were we all honest as h*ll during our childhood? Of course the hospital bills would have been bad, but the OP wouldn't have thought that it would turn out to be a serious problem when she thought of faking it. Seriously!
LeftEyedAsmodeus 1 year ago
I heard "My firste seizures werent real, i just faked them" really often. Is that just weird or is there something behind it ?
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Interesting to note that the GOP want to ban contraceptives and if she did get pregnant, they would force her and her baby to die. I hope she doesn't live in the US.
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
Wow...well, at least it wasn't a waste of time and money after all...? Sorry, just trying to find an upside to this 😳 but all I'm finding is irony
Petra Reynolds 5 months ago
As someone who couldn't get my mom or the dr to believe my seizures were real bc I was a teen and apparently couldn't be really ill this sounds like instant karma to me...
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
Just think of all the time and money spent on your phony seizures. Karma finally found you.
Stannous Flouride 1 year ago
Numerous states with anti-choice agendas also want to restrict/eliminate access to IUDs and birth control meds even though both are used for more than preventing pregnancy.
#12
My intrusive thoughts are not cute. I don’t impulsively get bangs and say “the intrusive thoughts won!” Mine are about falling down the stairs and my baby’s skull getting crushed. Working on a project and a drill going through my eye. A family member sexually assaulting me. It sucks to have these horrible thoughts all the time, almost like they invade my brain so fast I can’t stop them. All I can do is acknowledge them and try to move on.
Susie Elle 1 year ago
That's what the average intrusive thought is: something horrible you'd never do, but the mere thought makes you scared that you'd actually do it. Mine are typically about pushing old people in front of an oncoming train or stuff equally horrible. The fact that I don't want to think that make the thoughts pop into my head even quicker.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
This is a good explanation. All of mine are horrific or hurtful to other people.
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ucp 1 year ago
The fact that you have these thoughts, they scare you, and you don’t act on them, is what makes you a properly functioning human being.
Julie S 1 year ago
If that's true then I must be dysfunctional because I've never had any thoughts like that.
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The only Plueschopossum 1 year ago (edited)
I hate working with a sharp knife while my SO or any other beloved people are close to me. I have horrible thoughts of stabbing them that always make me cringe mentally.
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
Mine are similar. “Wow, is that a toothpick? Stab everyone eyes and twist it in, stab your own and kill your cats!!” “Wow, is that a triangular protractor? You know what that’s perfect for? No, not math, cutting yourself!!”
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InfamousBerry34 1 year ago
I get them very often, but they are always about myself because I would never forgive myself if anything happened to those I care about the most.
Rinso The Red 1 year ago
I only recently learned about intrusive thoughts. I honestly cannot say I've experienced them though.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
I have similar intrusive thoughts - partner says I have a "disaster scenario brain" - but I am grateful as I think they help keep me and others safe.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
I have a "disaster scenario brain" as well. I ALWAYS think the worst is going to happen and have horrible thoughts about it. Also have some crazy intrusive thoughts, but I know I would never hurt anyone cause I can't even kill a spider.
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Petro Roos 1 year ago
I have these too! Like, I'd get home, nothing special about the day, just an ordinary day, and just, all of a sudden, "see" my mom's house on fire, and "knowing" she didn't survive.
#13
I don’t remember all the details, but In college, I was trying to find street parking before class. Ended up getting a spot ironically next to my roommates car. Somehow while maneuvering into the spot I bumped into his car, and dented the side little bit. Whenever something like this has happened, I always leave a note or take responsibility somehow. However, something about it being one of my best friend’s cars made it so embarrassing that I couldn’t do it. I went on to class.
After class I walked back to our cars with him, and saw him notice the ding, and of course express his frustration.
I still couldn’t bring myself to tell him, so instead over the next few months, without his knowledge, I reduced his portion of utility bills until it equated the cost to repair the damage
25 years later this is the first I’ve told anyone.
Daniela Lavanza 1 year ago
At least, you were honest enough to pay him back secretly. Many people in this situation would have done nothing.
#14
I can't wait until I'm dead. Thinking about no longer existing just gives me this feeling of relief. The idea of an afterlife terrifies me more than anything because it means there is no escape from existing.
I'm in my 30s now and hoping my life is almost half over by now. Objectively, my life is good, I guess, I'm just a miserable person or something.
Jennifer Smith 1 year ago
I feel the exact same way. I’m in my 40s and I hope I have less than 10 years left. I had cancer and went through treatment but now I wish I never did
Prince Lee 1 year ago
i went though cancer too, had a 30% chance of makine it, and i fought it, iv had a hard life and went though many close calls, and have the scars for it {step mom tried to and i have a scare across my face and neck from it} i now have a brain tumor and i keep being told "you wont make it to 20... you wont make it to 25... wont till 30..... 35" and now I'm 38 Its now my job to give them the finger and laugh at them, don't think of the future, think of now, in the next few mins and how your gonna do something YOU like insted
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Prince Lee 1 year ago
i just went though a bought of wanting to off myself, thinking how everyone would be better with out me, but i wont cause i know the feeling I'm feeling is what they will feel if I'm gone.... and i do not want them to feel this, live day to day, do as you want, I'm 38 and yet.... i feel like I'm just turning 18 and i can do stuff after being traped as a caretaker, I wasn't allowed to get "help" beforemy aunt and mom passed, after my aunt passed on July 4th 2024, i did, i called someone and they helped and i wouldn't have ever thought it would, do i still want too? kinda, but when that feeling pops up, i call someone, just tell them hi and take a lil, or cuddle my dog or play a game, right now i have a brain tumor, iv fought cancer and won even, iv had blood clots in the lungs, iv took on the worst pains, and i came though, i don't think about tomorrow, i think of what i will do this moment, there is no future to me cause it don't exist yet, and that helps
Koalafied to komment 1 year ago
This one is so bad, not only OP, also the other commenters. I feel incredibly sorry for you all and I hope that you will find a solution and something to give meaning to your lives ❤️
Tempest 1 year ago
I’m in my 20s and feel this way. Thinking of dying actually makes me really happy that I can get so distracted daydreaming about it (planning my funeral, etc). Almost daily I wish to get some form of terminal cancer or disease (my preferred way to go cause it would give me some time to plan out my last days and funeral). I don’t believe in any afterlife or rebirth stuff but if there was any of that, it would be so annoying.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
You have depression. You need to see a psychiatrist and a behavioral psychologist. I felt (and sometimes feel the same). Exercise, eat healthily, get at least eight hours of sleep, spend time with caring people, get out of toxic relationships (including a job, if necessary), and get a dog - my Boston Terrier, Mia, has been a life saver. Do things you enjoy, and stop doing things you hate. Plan something to look forward to.
Careers Clyde 1 year ago
So I've had depression for 49 of my 49 years? Get real. These feeling are more common than you think.
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Bewarethere@gmail.com 1 year ago
I have pleaded for decades then tried to kill myself-which when didn't work, obviously. But I was soooo pissed that I was alive and that I was such a f**k-up that I couldn't kill myself right. I've 4 over 25 yrs. Having no friends and ur family literally making no time for u. Could be a contributing factor
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
This is my daily life. I stopped watching the news, because there is always any random number of traffic accidents and crimes and disasters.. and it never happens to me. Watching the news made me even more depressed because all those fatal accidents don't happen to me. It is insane. Why can't my life be just over?
BoredWolfe 1 year ago
This has been me for basically as long as I can remember. Therapy hasn't helped. Medication hasn't helped. On good days I wonder if maybe I haven't found the right meds, or maybe ECT might work. On bad days I sleep or lie and bed and imagine what being autopsied might be like. I don't believe in an afterlife, but I'm genuinely worried there is one.
athornedrose 1 year ago
this is literally how i am able to fall asleep at night sometimes. just the idea that someday i'll be dead and this will be over. i won't have to do this forever. i don't need an afterlife. i need it to stop.
#15
In my first job, I did what I always do. Start up the machine. While it warms up, I would wipe down the surface. Just something to do for about four minutes before starting. Just like that, a corner of my cloth was ripped out of my hand and pulled into the workings of the machine. Lots of loud and expensive noises later. I hurriedly switched it off, removed the shreds of rag and put the covers on again. Go to loo for a bit and then arrive back. Open cover and call supervisor over to say, “look at this” . I was not found out.
Dave Platt 1 year ago
I first read this phrase decades ago in John Muir's classic "How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive" book on air-cooled VWs. I've loved the phrase ever since.
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#16
I'm so tired of always being the "bigger" and kinder person.
Geekymummy 1 year ago
Being selfish seems so appealing but whenever I've tried it I feel so guilty afterwards that I go back to being the 'bigger' person.
Catherine Burgin 1 year ago
I feel the same way. I nearly always give in to someone else. I just want one time when its about me, but that's never going to happen.
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
Not if you don't make it happen. You don't ow everyone your submission. Pick and choose what you LIKE doing,No is a complete sentence, no explanations needed.
Load More Replies... Koalafied to komment 1 year ago
I feel exactly the same! I have always been supposed to be that person, while others (especially family) behave in a special way and "it's just the way they are". Whenever I'm not the bigger person in a conflict, everyone is shocked and the situation escalates easily...
Julius Zuke 1 year ago
There are many times in my life when I wished I had been loud and dramatic. But being the bigger and kinder person is the real show of strength, as people do not know how to respond to it. Restraint really is power.
Sue 1 year ago
No, not all the time. There are times to make a stand. You don't need to be loud & dramatic to do so. The quieter my father spoke, the angrier we knew he was. It worked in his classroom too. But it didn't happen often. You have to use your superpower judiciously.
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giggles 1 year ago
There is nothing wrong with bargaining for what you truly want. Make your case and stick to it. Also, there are those out there who sense a person who is easily persuaded to what they want, and take advantage of the lack of response. As long as your needs aren't constantly in the forefront of others, stand your ground!
Dread Pirate Roberts 1 year ago
It is hard cuz after a while, it feels like all you're doing is putting up with people's s**t, because too many people take advantage of those who are kind and slow to anger. It doesn't mean you should stop being the best person you can be, but I can understand the frustration that comes with trying to be the "bigger" person.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
If you are always being the "bigger" person, you sound like you are becoming a doormat. Don't do that, it will not make you happy, and those that use the doormat don't get happier by it.
#17
I did eat the last donut.
Damned_Cat 1 year ago
Thank you for eating the last donut. I hate seeing the last one sitting there getting stale because no one wants to be rude.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
There is a coconut donut sitting on the table at my work from Wednesday that no one has touched lol. But I think that just because it's a coconut donut.
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Michael Largey 1 year ago
If you don't want to be the one to eat the last donut, wait till there's just two on the plate. Hand one to somebody else, and the race is on!
Leesa DeAndrea 1 year ago
Good for you! Otherwise it would probably just be thrown away because "no one wants it."
#18
I feel emotions and I am kind, empathetic etc
But deep down inside I couldn't care less
I'm as empathetic as I am detached from people
Its like every emotion or empathy is conditional
I feel sad because I understand its the right moment to feel sad
Or I love my woman but in a split second I could move on without a problem
I feel like a functional psychopath who doesn't know it.
Jill Rhodry 1 year ago
Or it could simply be emotional numbness as a trauma response - they feel the appropriate emotion at the appropriate time just not attached to the emotion - could be dissociation.
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JK 1 year ago
It's actually a sign of severe depression. It's not psychopathy at all, even if it kinda seems/feels like it. It's a survival/coping mechanism, it's not healthy and it's a sign that you need to get help, talking therapies specifically. For a while, I genuinely thought I was some weird psychopath with just high level empathy. I wasn't, I was broken, numb was the safest way to exist. It's not a lack of emotions, it's like an anaesthesia for your feelings
LB 1 year ago
This seems more plausible than the people commenting this person is a psychopath.
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Jacob Hunt 1 year ago
You suffered trauma as a child. As a result you compartmentalize. You are not a sociopath or psychopath, you just function in a different realm as a measure of self protection. The fact that you recognize it nullifies it. Be kind when you can and walk away when you must.
xolitaire 1 year ago
This sounds like depression to me. Being empathetic can be a mechanism to avoid confrontation. There is no need for the people around you to argue with you if you act caring and understanding. Being able to "move on without a problem" is a safety net because interactions with the people around you are getting more and more exhausting.
SobyKay 1 year ago
I thought everyone was like this. I am the opposite - I feel too much, care too much, everything bothers me all the time. Ibe gone my whole life feeling Im too sensitive to exist on this planet. The fact that everyone around me seems so nonchalant about things I find absolutely devastating has given me the above perspective on the human race. I believe most ppl express care about something b/c its socially acceptable to do so, but deep inside they dont really. As long as it doesnt affect them directly, its no biggie. is this not the case??
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Me. I just can't feel anything anymore.. and on top of this, I just can't care anymore either
Lyoness 1 year ago
Wouldn't it be nice if all the armchair psychiatrists on BP would just encourage people to see an actual doctor instead of diagnosing them online? I worry it could do more harm than good if someone assumes random people on the net always know what they're talking about. Even if you're an actual doctor, making a diagnosis without an in-person examination and/or testing is irresponsible.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
Maybe people can't just AFFORD to pay for mental health. Knowing there may be some other people struggling with the same issue and that someone actually understands what it feels like can be the ONLY help many people can get. Better say nothing when you do not have something kind to say
Load More Replies... #19
Every couple of months i get the urge to just up and leave everything, move to a state where i know nobody, and start over; it’s probably a good thing i care about my credit and finances otherwise i’d have done it by now, bills and credit keep me at my stable job.
Graham Berry 1 year ago (edited)
Driving to work I will sometimes think about just keep driving right past the exit for my job and just keep going until I ran out of gas or money or something. I like my current job but I have had jobs where I would fantasize about this every God damn day.
Load More Replies... Susie Elle 1 year ago (edited)
Oof, same. I usually text my friend who has the same stuff like "wanna fake our own deaths and disappear to another country for a start-over?" and she's like "god yes"
keyboardtek 1 year ago
In the words of Ronald Reagan:"Everywhere you go, there you are." I have lived in ten different places. The external environment changes, but our own problems follow us because of our personal default mode mental programming. Much of our actions is automatic. They come from habitual responses and our emotional default nature. It takes years of learning how our brain works to change those automatic responses.
Leigh James 1 year ago (edited)
Ronnie Reagan did Not say this and it's, "No matter where you go there you are." It's origins are debated (never Ronnie) and frequently attributed to Confucius.
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Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I get this regularly. Scares my bf so bad, but I can't help it and I try to be rational about it. My defense is I made a getaway plan that includes stopping at my brother's house for supplies and I know he'll bring me back home.
SobyKay 1 year ago
I moved on average once a year for about 15-20 yrs. Exciting times. Lots of good stories to tell. Ppl cant believe the places Ive been and experiences Ive had from such a young age. Its true, I dont have a huge savings account today and now Im in my 40s. It also took long time to get established in a good workplace n/c I had no local ties, and my foreign education wasnt recognized in my home country and had to be updated. But no regrets! Travelling is the spice of life.
Cassie 1 year ago
I have an uncle who does this. He just disappears and nobody knows where he is for years until he decides to make himself known again. I didn't even know he existed when I was a kid and learned about him when I was first married and still in college. We managed to track him down and invited him over. We had a pleasant visit. He disappeared again shortly after and I never saw him again.
#20
I don't wanna die. I just wish I never existed in the first place. But I'm at a point in my life where I know me being here has positively impacted someone really close to me, and they've told me the state they'd be in if I wasn't here with them. So that keeps the demons at bay for now
Edit: To the person that sent a reddit cares, thank you. I'm okay right now. Some days it gets really bad but I'm still kicking all the same.
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
It's a shame that so many do want to, and so many are worried about it happening. Organic life really wasn't a good idea.
Sky Render 1 year ago
Yeah, I kind of wasn't expecting all this from some hot water hitting rocks for a few million years in the ocean. It was supposed to be a water feature!
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athornedrose 1 year ago (edited)
i get it. i wish it all the time. and sometimes i wish there was a way out that didn't involve hurting anyone else stuck here. it feels like a scam to be forced into existence and legislated/moralized/guilted into staying. it's not like you an do anything about it, but the yearning is still there. to just never have been. Douglas Adams was right. “In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”
Be_ Heard 1 year ago
I have felt your words a long time. I never asked to be here... I'm forced into existence, and told how to act and guilted into staying. Such a bunch of b******t
Load More Replies... Sue 1 year ago
I just tell myself a lot of people have it worse than me, even at my lowest, and press on. There are people in this world who would love to be in my position, and I'm lower middle class barely making my bills with grown kid problems & grandkid fallout due to that. But I'm still probably in the 1% of the world as far as how good I have it. I guess somewhere, there's someone who has it worse than everyone.
Con O Cuinn 1 year ago
Maybe used right in this case, but that Reddit cares thing is used to harass people as often as not.
Shark Lady 1 year ago
I'm in a similar situation, I don't exactly want to unalive myself, but I often wish that i hadn't survived my near death experience. There wouldn't be too many people who would miss me, and given the length of time since, I would most likely be forgotten by now.
Uncle Schmickle 1 year ago
Well, you are here, but you should consider changing your attitude to life . According to the Dalai Lama, the meaning of life is to be happy and useful. If you can make others happy, YOU will be happy. It works.
Gloria G 1 year ago
Have you been checked out for maybe being Bipolar? I know your feelings and, for the first 50 years of my life I felt the same as you. I was in so much emotional pain, tried suicide 5 times. Was misdiagnosed MANY times. Then I found the right doctor and the past 20 years have been worth living!
#21
I absolutely hate the way my life turned out. On the outside it looks great to most people. If that’s what they want, great. It turned out this way by not being selfish and doing the “right thing” all the time which is actually just one sacrifice after the next, year after year. I’m supposed to feel good about doing good for others but that leaves me with nothing for myself that I enjoy. Probably not much of a secret as I get older however I tried my best to keep it to myself.
Salty_Sasquatch 1 year ago
There's a saying: you can't be a lifeboat for other people, because if you go down everyone goes down. The best thing that can be done is to definitely do something you like, don't sacrifice all the time, set a boundary and say no sometimes.
Vermonta 1 year ago
I used to be like that and my mother said 1. You can't save the world. 2. Will these people rally around you? 3. Nice guys finish last. 4. the good die young. She wasn't encouraging me to be a schmuck or kill my dreams. She was telling me to ease up on myself. It was always a reality check.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
You really owe it to yourself and those dependant on you to find something you can enjoy doing. Even if your life will look less great to others, it is your life!.
Saracynthiasylviasnout 1 year ago
Are the rest of these posts somewhere I can't see? They're all cut off but I can't find the rest of the posts. Is it just me lol
#22
I have had, for almost two decades, the most profound connection with and deepest attraction to my friend’s wife. The first time I saw her from a block away, there was a literal jolt of electricity thru my spine and I stopped walking momentarily. She stopped, too. Once, when her husband was out of town, we met for beers and stared into each other’s eyes occasionally, ceasing to talk, searching, like two detectives trying to solve the case of each other. We’ve never talked about this connection and we’d never ever dare act on it. She has been in my dreams consistently. I’m not a delusional sort or given to flights of fancy, but something about this has been and continues to be Weird in a way so inexplicable and powerful that after turning over every rational explanation, it’s the most compelling argument for something irrational, like parallel worlds, which of course sounds crazy. It will haunt me to my grave and now it's off my chest.
DrBronxx 1 year ago
The contrast between your name and your comment is just amazing.
Load More Replies... Wintermute 1 year ago
The fantasy has been built up to huge proportions, then left unrequited. Chances are that you're more in love with the idea than the person.
EmAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇩🇿🇵🇸 1 year ago
You're not talking about that cult are you?
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#23
I’ve been overweight, I’ve had anorexia, and I’ve hit my “body goals” but have still always hated my body no matter what. I’ve currently got a “mom bod” (stretch marks, mom pouch) and although I have a husband that has loved me and been obsessed with my body at every size and shape, I’m about to hit my 30s and I’m terrified I will never learn to love my body, it’s exhausting.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Don’t strive for love. Strive for acceptance. There are always gonna be bits of me that I don’t like. But they are still me. And at 54, I’ve earned every wrinkle and gray hair. The media constantly feeds us BS about how we need to be better. We need to learn to be content, not happy, with who we are
Deanna Crichley 1 year ago
I've never hated my body, but I started to love it when I tried to notice all of the things it could do for me.
Bored Birgit 1 year ago
I'm overweight my whole life as well and don't like my body. I feed it, I clean it, I put clothes on it - but I don't like it.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
I think that the few women who likes their own looks are on the other hand afraid to lose their good looks.
Gypsy Lee 1 year ago
Wait til your 50. There’s some good that comes with being invisible.. it’s every woman’s super power. You can let it run you, ruin you, or release you. Since you have no choice- It Will Happen To Every Woman (nobody ever tells you, so I will). Embrace the freedom because there is no option of forgoing the invisibility. Be your own sunshine & joy.
#24
I wish I didn’t do the whole “save your virginity for marriage” thing. I don’t plan to cheat and we have been together almost 30 years. I wish had had some more fun experiences as a college student and didn’t go to a Christian college. Basically I wish I rebelled a bit when it was “normal” and “safe” to do so. Nothing extreme, but had a bit of fun before becoming an old marriage boring person at 19.
Apatheist Account2 1 year ago
Reminds me of the Benny Hill sketch: wife slaps husband. "What's that for?" "Being a bad lover." After a pause, husband slaps wife. "What's that for?" "That's for knowing the difference!"
Jess Smith 1 year ago
Mm. There's a good bit in the Talmud (Ketubot 10a:8, https://www.sefaria.org/Ketubot.10a.8, among lots of worrying stuff) where a guy who was never married comes up to Rabbi Nachman. "I don't think my wife was a virgin," he says. (Notably, this denies her some payment should he predecease her, so this was a concern.) Rabbi Nachman orders him flogged. Why? Because he knew how to tell. It's sandwiched among weird/worrying/WTF-ic stuff, though.
Load More Replies... Julius Zuke 1 year ago
As a 70-something retired teacher who worked full time and went to teacher's college full time to escape controlling parents and get out on my own, I missed out on all the risque and fun activities of youth. I HAD to make it without distractions and diversions. For a long time, I regretted being so safe and boring. Fifty years later, my wife and I are content with the way things turned out, and it turns out we had more excitement than we gave ourselves credit for--minus the messes that our more exciting friends unwittingly created for themselves. Give it time. It seems boring now, but time will give you a much more satisfying perspective.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
No, they don't. Fun takes a huge toll on wellbeing and mental health. Hedonism is never a good choice
Load More Replies... SobyKay 1 year ago
Became a Christian at 19, went to Bible college for 4 years, saved myself for my husband, we'be been married 25 years now. Im shocked to hear anyone say they regret not rebelling a bit mofe because those were amazing, wonderful years for me. I DID have a rebellious stage, and let me tell you, it was full of misery, depression, darkness, broken relationships, and wishing I could end it all. I will never consider rebelling "a bit of fun" ever again. Living right with God and with others is way more fun than ppl give it credit for.
Sven Horlemann 1 year ago
I get that. Though, while having had a fair share of experiences before meeting my wife, none ever came close to my life with her. So... don't feel too unhappy.
Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I did it. I was rebellious and made all those things modern girls were supposed to do. And now I realize how all that broke the human being inside me. Not any of those choices contributed to make me healthier or happier.. everything only makes me guiltier because I ruined my life myself without realizing.. only because I was scared to miss out fun... Damn
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
Imagine marrying someone and finding out you're sexually incompatible. Enjoy 40 years of that.
#25
I am not religious in any way at all but I kinda secretly hope there's an afterlife. I hope that I won't just...be gone. It's so incomprehensible to think that you just won't exist. I want to see my friends and family and pets I've missed of course too. But idk. I hope that when I die (however it is) that it's not just nothing. But I guess if it is nothing then I won't know, so either way eh. Death is weird.
Pablo Ramos 1 year ago
The best way to understand that "nothingness" is this: How much do you remember the thousands of years (millions) before you were born? We're you bored? Scared? Impatient? No. You were nothing. You WEREN'T.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I think that's what OP is scared of. Just not being.
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keyboardtek 1 year ago
I just found out that Christians believe that animals cannot go to heaven because they do not have a soul. If there are no dogs in heaven, why would I want to go there after I die?
Guigsy Gwiggins 1 year ago
I think the idea is fantastic. Nothingness. Space. No thing. Not looking forward to it per se and not scared, but the idea is amazing to me
Sue 1 year ago
Me too, usually about time to go to sleep. I have to have the TV on to distract me, but it can't be too interesting or I won't go to sleep.
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Rob D 1 year ago
Heaven is where Christians go. Which is ironic because that very fact makes it sound like hell to me.
J C 1 year ago
I'm sorry you feel that way. Its not the way it should be.
Load More Replies... Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
I believe in reincarnation, but this still scares the c**p out of me so much i get anxiety.
#26
My sister admitted to me alone that she cheated on her husband. Husband found out and [took his own life] with d***s/booze and my sister ended up getting the large life insurance payout because he didn't change the policy. Family of the husband was livid as they suspected something. My sister and family justified it because he was a bad guy and didn't treat my sister right - no abuse they just didn't like him.
As a male I will never trust my family again.
Gypsy Lee 1 year ago
Husband clearly had issues before your sister came along. Her cheating in inexcusable, but if he chose to keep her in his life- that was his choice. Move on. It has nothing to do with you being a male- it’s not about you At All.
Arkham Wohlfert 1 year ago
People don't kill themselves over cheating alone. There was much mom going on.
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
It’s still not her fault that he committed suicide. She did not murder him, He is solely responsible but may have been mentally ill. It can all be the ultimate way to punish the person who wronged you. If their finances were not separated, then she is entitled to the payout. Perhaps they would have reconciled .
xolitaire 1 year ago (edited)
So she is not responsible at all and could very have kept on cheating on him? Sorry, but to most people being cheated on is the same as being treated like dirt. Add to that the wife's family openly disliking the husband and voila, everyone's the a**hole here.
Load More Replies... Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
idk if I believe this one cause life insurance won't after a suicide.
#27
Probably 10 years ago or so I went to England for work. Stayed at a hotel off in the countryside.
As I’m getting ready for bed I noticed a sign in the bathroom warning that you needed to keep the bathroom door closed until all steam from your shower dissipated or the fire alarm would go off.
So, 6 am UK time 2 am us time (or whatever) I take my shower. No contacts in yet. All done. Gotta get dressed! Open the door and a minute later the alarm goes off. Get dressed and everyone is heading outside.
I meet up with my supervisor. He sheepishly admits it’s his fault we’re all outside. See he had just started running the hot water tap to shave with the door open. It had just started getting hot when the alarm went off.
I let him retire thinking it was his fault.
Jane Jayne Jain Jeign Jein 1 year ago
It was the fault of the ridiculous fire alarm system - how is water vapour triggering the fire alarm?
Sue 1 year ago
It has beams of light, and if anything blocks them, including steam, the alarms goes off. I found out the hard way when i was steam ironing graduation gowns at the school I work at & set the whole thing off. At least I wasn't making popcorn like the last guy.
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Xenia Harley 1 year ago
We had fire alarms right off the bathrooms in college, and fire alarms were tripped ALL THE TIME! In the middle of winter, in the middle of the night, in a very cold location!
Poison Ivy/Boo 1 year ago (edited)
Ours are all interconnected. So when one battery is dying, they all go off. Fun and games trying to figure out which one has a dodgy battery and even more fun when woken up from a sound sleep at 4 in the morning and panicking thinking the house is on fire! 🙄
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
I like my showers hotter than the ninth circle of hell. A hot shower and a bit of nice smelling body wash usually makes me feel better about life in general
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Tom Brincefield 1 year ago
Older fire alarms could only detect certain kinds of fires. New models are better able to distinguish between steam and smoke. https://youtube.com/watch?v=5t-98887fL8&si=SQfEYes1gZdoE3QL
#28
On the outside I look fine (good grades, sociable, etc) but I actually feel like s**t. I have no desire to do anything, I don't have any dreams, and I don't even like my planned choice of career. I just drift through the day, rarely doing anything of importance. I'm stuck about to go in the workforce knowing damn well I'm not gonna enjoy it. I just wanna find something I like and be good at it.
Graham Berry 1 year ago
Sounds like he has a pretty good handle on how life works. My only advice is for him to find something that he enjoys and is fulfilling in his downtime. I draw and post my art online, it makes me feel like I am doing something worthwhile along side all the stuff I do just to get by.
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Joseph Miller 1 year ago
I hope they try different things while on their days off to figure out what direction they want to go, and be good at it and make money from it.
Ripley 1 year ago
I'm in my mid-50s and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. It's remarkably common. You find the small joys and make an effort to be a decent human being and find peace in that. And one day you may find your passion.
Pál László 1 year ago
Sounds like you are looking for your own way. If you can leave your job and do nothing for a while. Whatever you'll feel missing try to concentrate on that. Might not be the exact way that you are looking for, but a good start nevertheless. Enjoy. :-)
El Dee 1 year ago
When I 'joined the workforce' there was no choice in what occupation you took. Unemployment was high, wages were low and opportunities for advancement and education were almost zero. No one, least of all me, got to take careers that we liked. That's not to say it SHOULD be like this merely that you only need to put up with it until the situation changes. Do what you need to until you are able to do what you like..
Zombiedoll 1 year ago
Go and see a therapist, I agree with the others, it sounds like depression.
#29
I tell everyone, including my spouse that I don’t want children because she doesn’t, but in reality I really want to have kids in our future. She would make an excellent mom, and we have the means to raise kids. But she’s adamantly against having any. So I tell everyone I don’t want kids to keep her and keep the peace per se… I know it’s dumb and I shouldn’t settle, but I love her in every other way and I know I’d never find someone else like that again.
Nea 1 year ago
We have been married for ten years now. Despite us being very clear about both not wanting kids, about every six months I check with my husband if his feelings have changed. I dont want kids at all but I may consider if one day my husband definitely wants them.
Disgruntled Pelican 1 year ago
I'm honestly scared of this. I've never wanted kids and I'm having a hysterectomy at the end of the month due to horrible periods and endometriosis. My doctor has even said she would never want me to try because I could possibly bleed out. My fear, even though we talk about it constantly, is that he will resent me and my terrible body sooner than later and he's just being too nice to say anything.
Load More Replies... Ray Poehl 1 year ago
Throwaway account. I am 60. I always wanted a family. I assumed my wife would too. Well, two weeks after our wedding she told me, in no uncertain terms, that she was never having kids. There was no discussion, no consulting me, just a statement of fact. I was brought up to believe that marriage is forever, so I am still here. We have been married for 36 years now, and I resent her more every day. I still love the woman that I married, but I hate her for making a decision for me without any consideration for my opinion on the subject. Looking back, if we had discussed this before we were married, I would not have married her. Now even if I leave, it is too late for me to have a family. And it weighs on my mental health. I walk down the hall and flip her the bird when she can't see me. How can I love her and hate her at the same time?
setsuriseikou 1 year ago
I'm very sorry to hear that, a sh*tty situation for everyone involved. But how come the issue of having/not having kids hadn't come up before the wedding? Or was she saying anything that made you believe she wanted children, but then suddenly changed her mind?
Load More Replies... Sand Ers 1 year ago
I want kids. I just know damned well that I am not up to the challenge of raising them. And I wouldn’t gamble with ruining another person’s childhood like mine was.
Samsquatch & Monko 1 year ago
By just that comment I can tell that you are a good person-
Load More Replies... Guigsy Gwiggins 1 year ago
Telling people who don’t want kids that they’d be excellent parents isn’t fair. I’m pretty sure they’ve thought it through
Michael Largey 1 year ago
Being excellent at something is insufficient reasons for doing it.
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CanadianDimes 1 year ago
If she doesn't want kids, she wouldn't be an excellent mom because she wouldn't like it. Kids can tell that. YOU want kids, so you want her to fill her role in that fantasy.
Curry on... 1 year ago
How would you know she'd be an excellent mom if she's adamant about not wanting any children?
Jude Laskowski 1 year ago
I've never wanted kids, and have told this to men on the third date so they could get out of the relationship with no drama. Several men would get to the 6 month point and say, "You didn't mean that about not wanting kids, did you?" No, I just said that to fill in empty space. I couldn't believe their refusing to believe me. I had my tubes tied in my early 30s, so no "accidents".
Be_ Heard 1 year ago
Whoa me too!! I wanted to be able to relax in a relationship and so i had it done. I hated worrying about it all the time. Why does the world always second guess what a women says she wants??
Load More Replies... Magenta Blu 1 year ago
I can understand this very deeply... I always wanted a big family and lot of kids... But I NEVER found someone who wanted to have kids with me.. and now it to late, because I'm too old. Since I was only child, here is where my family ends. Only me left. And a broken dream of a family that never existed. I couldn't even find a partner... I truly don't understand HOW people get relationships.. I never could. It is so tiring and hard, and i never achieved to make someone to care about me... I don't want anyone to actually love me... Just to care... But even this is a huge thing to ask for, because there is nothing. No one. I never achieved and will never achieve to be loved, or cared of. Congratulations. To. Me.
Be_ Heard 1 year ago
I am so sorry to hear this. I totally understand not knowing how ppl find others to love and marry, etc. I am confused too. Ppl will be half my age getting married, meanwhile im over here like... how can u like someone enough to be in the same house as them for the rest of ur life?? Haha wish i could find someone that great that wasn't already take 😅
Load More Replies... Laura A Ivett 1 year ago
You should have never married her, if you want kids that bad, you have to be with someone who does, or you will will always be thinking about it.
#30
Nobody came in the backyard and stole my bike. I threw my bike in the big garbage bin in the middle of the night.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
do you want your parents to buy you a new bike or are you just some crazy adult who lives alone and threw a bike away. without any context, this is just a statement.
Scotira 1 year ago
From reddit: Guys, the reason is even worse...first off, it was a cheap bike okay. My girlfriend parks out front our townhouse. One day, I was cleaning out her car looking for my lost ring, I put her $400 sunglasses and some other stuff on her roof and forgot them there when I found my ring. Next day she says she's missing her stuff, I instantly realised what happened but attributed it to someone breaking into her car. She said we have never had issues before with that, and she asked where I found my ring, she knew I was looking in the car two days prior. Over the next couple days, she kept saying she doesn't think anyone broke into her car and this and that about wishing she knew where her glasses and cords went....So, I threw my bike in the bin one night, and the next day told her someone must have stolen my bike. She finally believed me that someone broke into her car, and I didn't have to hear her talk about it anymore. I know. ..I know.
Load More Replies... weatherwitch 1 year ago
I thought it was some bratty kid, but having seen another comment where they explained it was a grown adult trying to get out of adulting to his girlfriend, the OP is an absolute d******d 😞
#31
I have joined a new circle of friends who share similar hobbies but feel that one of them doesn't like me very much.
This is triggering deep seated fears of nobody really being my friend, and that I am only tolerated, feelings which I have held since my teens (and thought they were over).
Serena Myers 1 year ago
Don't worry, OP. Once you get older you wont give a flying pig what anyone thinks of you.
Alyce 1 year ago
How much 'older? I'm in my forties and it still hurts a little
Load More Replies... #32
I appear to be a confidant 32 year old woman in a rather high finance role, make a 6 figure salary and work a lot of hours (by choice). I would give it all up in a heartbeat for a child. I live in fear everyday that I’ll never get that chance.
kissmychakram 1 year ago
Then try for one. Assuming fertility is not a problem (if it is, my sympathies) and funding isn't an issue then look into artificial insemination. Depending on where you live, being a single parent isn't the stigma it used to be.
keyboardtek 1 year ago
There are so many cultural myth about having kids. Get some serious counseling before you do to learn the realities of parenting. A counselor once had us make a list of the pros and cons of having children. My pro list was a lot longer. We adopted. Then I realized it was not how long the pro and con list is that matters. It is the amount of time, or weight of each item that matters. You may discover that those ten fun things you listed only happen a few hours a week. But the one bad stressful thing you listed, lasts for years, like the child having a chronic health disorder, or a learning disorder.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
Learning disorders can be overcome. And they differ in severity. I wouldn’t call a learning disorder a bad stressful thing
Load More Replies... Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
Adopt. You can afford it and there are so many children out there who need a stable environment and a mum.
#33
I am Ina financially secure position and have the possibility to quit my job and go travel the world for a while.
But I don't because people around tell me that it won't solve my issues.
But I honestly don't really see any solution to my depression and traveling is something that genuinely makes me happy...
Wintermute 1 year ago
Nah, go for a bit. Try a long vacation and see if it really IS the answer. Often times escapist fantasies get idealized in the depths of depression, but don't live up to the reality.
Load More Replies... R Sravanthi 1 year ago
The people who tell so won't solve your issues either! Go out and explore the world, it will definitely give a fresh vibe to life!
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
The people around you don't decide for you. Just go! And if they are right, and it doesn't solve anything, that's okay. It's not getting solved where you are.
David Hamblin 1 year ago
I saved my money for years. Started working at 14 full time. an uncle died in his sleep and never lived his dream. I sold my house and spent 3 years traveling. Do it before you can't.
#34
That I'm gay. It's hard to suppress this side of me especially since I live in a conservative country where being gay isn't allowed. It feels like everyone around me is "normal" and I'm just a freak who likes the same sex. It gets lonely sometimes.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
So sorry youcannot be free to love. Is there a chance to move country to a more open minded place
#35
I resent my mom for a ton of reasons, but one of them I have never gotten over. I know for a fact that my mom pushed me to be an altar boy so I could be groomed to become a priest because she and everyone in her family thought I was gay. It never occurred to her that I was afraid to show that I had an interest in women because sex and nudity was a "sin". Even if I was gay, why would you want me to be a priest???
MushroomHead22 1 year ago
i think my son is gay, so i'll make sure that he becomes the gayest person ever.
Wintermute 1 year ago
I had to read that a couple times. "altar boy... groomed to become a priest" means that she was trying to push him into the priesthood. With the Catholic Church's track record I was thinking something very different.
Nimitz 1 year ago (edited)
Ah yes. The old Catholic plan to push your gay sons to be priests. Two of my great uncles were priests. I hadn't seen them in almost 20 years and ran into them after I was out and gay. As soon as I saw them I was like, yup, they're both gay af. And that's what they did instead of addressing homophobia. If you wonder why priests are f****d up, it's because many of them are self-hating homophobes who have no idea how to process their sexuality.
#36
I’m not sure I’ll ever really find my person. And while that used to terrify me, and I would jump from one relationship to the next, after being single for the past 4 years I’m finding that the prospect isn’t as scary as I thought.
The more I start to genuinely like myself, the more I worry I might possibly just choose to stay alone, whether it’s best for me or not.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I have the opposite problem, kinda. While there absolutely are people who can be happy by themselves, I'm definitely not one of them. I'm approaching 30 and never had any relationship, not even a fling. A mix of various factors (asexual spectrum, subpar appearance, overall social awkwardness) makes it extremely hard for me to approach people and at this point, I worry that I'm probably destined to be alone until the end.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
It's okay not to find your "person," but it's also okay to keep trying. You sound self-confident and brave. Someone out there will admire that.
*raspberry sound 1 year ago
I am the same. I think that maybe, not everyone has "a person." My peace and independence is worth far more than the expectations I hang on any given Johnny Come Lately
#37
I can't have children. The only person that knows is my fiance, and she always has my back about it. It doesn't help that I still get pestered by my family; especially since they all have at least one kid. It makes me feel like I am behind the curve and I die a little when I hear my siblings say stuff like "you don't know life until you have one" or "it's hard to live a full life without raising a child".
Jeroen de Wijn 1 year ago
I wonder why people make life so hard on themselves. If rhey would just tell the reason people would understand, and hopefully even be considerate on rhe subject around them.
Gloria G 1 year ago
But they'll probably just say "have you seen a doctor?" or "have you had a second opinion?" or " maybe you should adopt."
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
Anyone who says "it's hard to live a full life without raising a child" does not understand life and so doesn't understand children.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
If you want kids, adoption or foster care is a consideration. You are not behind. They shouldn't say things like that.
Bored Trash Panda 1 year ago
Because it's no one else's business and people should stop with the BS of "oh, your life isn't full till you have a kid" or other c**p. It's not anyone's business why someone doesn't have kids or doesn't want kids. People shouldn't have to justify it and no one owes anyone an explanation, especially on sensitive medical information like that.
Load More Replies... ucp 1 year ago
I’m on the other side of this fence: I married a woman who was very clear that she didn’t want kids. We were told (from mid 20s to about 40) that we’d inevitably change our stance, but we didn’t. Maybe opening up about the impossibility will allow people close to empathise, and stop the pestering.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
Life without children can be fulfilling, free to travel , go places at short notice, have more me&us time. You can do voluntary work, you can adopt or foster if you wish to have a family.......blood connections or lack of them can't stop you being an amazing parent/family. I have an adopted cousin and 3 adopted neices/nephews......they are all my family
Julius Zuke 1 year ago
Infertility is not your fault, and it's a private matter. Tell others it's none of their business and it's your life, not theirs. Thank these people for wanting you to be happy, and then tell them you're happy for now.
Beak Hookage 1 year ago
"You MUST have children to be fulfilled in life" is such selfish BS because it completely ignores the welfare of the actual child or children. Never mind whether you're parent material or can afford it; just have kids anyway, so YOU will be better off.
#38
I've had X-rays taken that don't show any problems, I've been to neurologists who've suggested it's all in my head and they can't find anything wrong, but every time I push my body past a random and changing line in the sand I have physical attacks that I believe are, at the very least, seizure adjacent. My neck and back hurt all the time, my limbs will go numb randomly, I have random bouts of extreme and nauseating vertigo. I used to be a personal trainer, I used to be capable of anything, and now I have to drag myself out of bed to do or accomplish simple tasks. I feel abandoned by society, I have gone into so much debt and paid so much money trying to get any answer to what is wrong with me, and the part that people don't know and I want to get off my chest is, I'm getting very tired of dealing with this, and the only thing that is keeping me alive at this point is my wife. I would rather be in hell than hurt her like that, but if she goes I'm also going.
Erich Dietterle 1 year ago
Look up something called Functional Neurological Disorder. I have it and had a bunch of tests conducted. It doesn't show up on any tests but can be diagnosed through an evaluation by a specialist.
Blue Bunny of Happiness 1 year ago
Yep, FND was what I was thinking. Consultant here describes it in computer terms - your brain and central nervous system (hardware) are working fine, but you have a software problem.
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A Jones 1 year ago
Not sure if this is a reaction from stress hormones. Stress hormones can do terrible things to the body. When my stress gets to an extreme, I faint (vasovagal syncope). Mild cases I freeze up and have to take a moment to unclench everything. Stress can pull nutrition from the muscles, weird as it sounds something like OJ can reduce those hormones. Kind of works for me.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
Have you considered Limes Disease? It is very hard to diagnose and causes all sorts of issues.
Huddo's sister 1 year ago
Sounds like fibromyalgia to me! You can push yourself for a certain amount of time and then you get a flare up that can last for months/years. Personal trainers would find this easily- you have to get a certain amount of exercise a day to prevent pain etc, but if you get too much it's also bad.
#39
I'm afraid I'm going to die alone.
Bouche and Audi and Shyla, Oh My! 1 year ago
I'm going to die without soft can-openers around, most likely, but that's okay. The cars will eat me.
#40
Everybody that I love annoys the f**k out of me, I'm starting to realize I don't like them that much. Still love em though. ❤️.
Colleen Glim 1 year ago
I love my husband dearly. Can’t imagine my life without him. But there are days when I don’t like him very much. They are two very different emotions
#41
I'm afraid of conflict, and I let people who do me wrong off the hook.
Jostanquecla 1 year ago
Same. It sucks when you aren't capable of not tolerating s****y behaviour no matter how much you wish you could change it.
#42
I am in a long distance relationship with a guy i have never met. We are so happy together. My family doesnt know and friends make fun of us. He is the best thing in my life.
Sandra Morison 1 year ago
Until you meet do not fool yourself .......he could be amazing, he could be fake, he could be rich, he could be an addict . You really don't KNOW someone until you spend physical time with them
#43
I think about all the people who have passed through my life that I could’ve had great relationships with if I wasn’t so reserved and shy. I could be a lot less lonely if I was more outgoing. There are so many people I’ve had the opportunity of creating bonds with and I didn’t take the chance. I think I have a nice, kind, funny personality, but people never get to know me. It feels like a waste.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I used to feel like this all the time. I am still shy, but I learned people skills. It's not about being outgoing.
#44
Not so much a secret as more you wouldn't know it if you looked at me. I had a horribly abusive childhood and it affects me everyday. I feel like my choices still aren't my own and I'm about to be 24. I don't have the resources to get the help I need and continue to f**k my life up pushing away the people/problems in my life. I don't have an established support system. I just need help and everyday it's so debilitating to loose a little more sleep.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
I understand. It continued with my two husbands, and the way my daughters treat me.
#45
Everyone thinks i am amazing and very smart but the truth is i am just a mediocre person and luck is on my side.
#46
I worry constantly. About everything. For example, I just accepted a tentative job offer doing the job I've dreamed about for decades. They are doing a background check, driver transcript, credit check, and of course a d**g screen.
I'm not worried about the d**g screen(sober). I am however literally having back to back panic attacks about this waiting. I worry that something strange will pop up on the BR check, or that my horrible credit will disqualify me, or that my driving record will. While I have nothing terrible on it. There were a bunch of suspensions due to a combo of errors at the DMV, and me not Knowing about them due to an issue with my mail...
#47
I can't find work, I can't focus at all on finding work cause it feels like I'm slowly losing my mind, but everyone else I know is suffering through bad times and all it'll do is add more stress onto people who can't help me.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I'm gonna say it: survival and well-being of a person shouldn't be dependant on if/how much they work.
Curry on... 1 year ago
Why not? Who's supposed to take care of that person?
Load More Replies... #48
During the coding practical exam, the teacher forgot to erase the codes in the comp we used for practicing, I abused that and got full marks in the exam[apparantly in the last 3-4 computers of the last row, the files werent deleted and I am the only one who abused it(One of the students sitting on the comp with codes even had to retake the exam)].
#49
I'm stuck in an abusive marriage while the man I love has no idea of my feelings for him and is 6,000km away. I just want to die.
Geekymummy 1 year ago
Get out. Any way you can. Don't walk, run. You think you're stuck but there will be a way out. Please try. I finally did and couldn't believe I had stayed for so long. It seems dark but there is light.
#50
I sometimes wish I was I was born in a better family.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
I don't. My family is amazing. I wish more people had my family.
Load More Replies... Michael Largey 1 year ago
I was in a disadvantageous position to recognize the right parents before I was born. It was so dark in there.
Julius Zuke 1 year ago
Rick Warren said it best. You can't control where you came from, but you can influence where you're going.
Lynette Vella 1 year ago
Yeah. My dad was crazy and abusive. So was my older sister. My mom was just abusive. My little brother was crazy. My younger sister is narcissistic. My first husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. My older daughter is bipolar and is no-contact. My younger daughter was influenced by her dad and sister, and so is also no-contact. My current husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. It's just amazing how many hurtful people there are in this world.
#51
Been having some cigarettes lately, afraid to tell my wife. Quit over 2 years ago, she would be so disappointed.
Susie Elle 1 year ago (edited)
The issue I have with smoking is that you're in your right to endanger your own health and wellbeing if you want to, but if you get sick with cancer or whatever, your spouse is the one who has to deal with the mess too. My mom got lungcancer, which affected my entire family for two years while she was dealing with it and the years after she died. I resent her for that, in some way, not because I didn't want to help her, but because it's a stupid addiction and leaves such a huge mess.
Gloria G 1 year ago
What you said 'it's a stupid addiction and leaves such a huge mess'.............that's it. It's a horrible addiction and the hardest to break. I stopped for over 17 years and went back to it.
Load More Replies... #52
I’m deploying and I haven’t told my family or girlfriend yet.
#53
In 8th grade computer typing class on Mavis beacon, I found out you could trick the system into giving you full points without doing anything at all by clicking on a lesson then clicking on the mini game from the last lesson.
I completed that course in 24 hours and was hailed as a genius. I literally cannot type to save my life now.
#55
Back in 2019 i worked in a bar at a 5 star hotel. I stole $500 worth of liquor just to sell it away after my shift.
MushroomHead22 1 year ago (edited)
yeh this happens at any restaurant/bar.... i used to work in a sports bar, and after 2 years they tried to force me to do shifts i didn't want to do (they wanted me working a line station that required 3 people, alone) i refused so they reduced my hours. i needed to eat and pay rent, and they were stupid enough to leave me the key to the restaurant.... i did my groceries early mornings on my days off (taking sliced bread, chicken fingers, steaks, veggies, fries, precooked bacon, hambugers, etc...) to make more i took some of the old framed sports pictures to sell. i nabbed a some of the specialized beer glasses. i sold pizza out the back door to random's for 20$. the manager of the restaurant admitted to me he was taking 10% of everyones pay for himself to pay off his debt to druglords, so i figured out the code to the office, then the code to safe, and every morning would take about 10-20$ from the delivery drivers money box to get coffee and donuts. dont f**k with me.
Luke Branwen 1 year ago
I see nothing wrong here. There's like 80% chance it was exactly the same as a $10 supermarket drink, only sold in a fancy bottle.
#56
I found out my cousin is my sister... I always grew up wondering why my mom and dad didn't get along so well...turns out it's cause my dad cheated on her with my aunt and my first cousin is actually my little sister it makes me look at her so differently now because she never got married and has been with so many men my mom thought it was confusing my cousin cause she was graduating uni without knowing who her dad was, and when my aunt broke the news my mom had an entire mental breakdown and my dad was being nonchalant about it because he didn't care(about my cousin) and he has other kids 🤦🏾 after the news broke he suddenly became nicer to me but it's kinda too late, my mom's bitter, my dad's silent, and I just feel overly emotional about it...
Michael Largey 1 year ago (edited)
Right about the missing periods. All this started because her mom missed hers.
Load More Replies... Nimitz 1 year ago
Happened in my family. My uncles all look practically identical. Turns out that one uncle is actually father to his own nephew cause his wife cheated with his brother. Props to the old man though. He finally told his son when he turned 30, but he was a damn good father to him. And my cousin doesn't give a f**k. His dad is the man who raised him.
#57
It had only just occurred to me that my family have been mentally and financially abusing me my entire life.. I'm 35 and feel so stupid.
#58
I feel f*****g lonely, but i am afraid to be in a relationship with anyone.
I just wanna leave everything and disappear.
Lil Miss Hobbit 1 year ago
Oh, I feel you so bad. Work to overcome your fear. It gets better, I promise.
#59
I became everything I swore I hated when I let a married woman kiss me, amongst other things. The worst part is I don't feel guilty.
LB 1 year ago
IMO that only works if the OP doesn't know that the person is married... And if there were good reasons (e. g. separated for years, spouse won't agree to divorce) OP would probably not say 'the worst part' because then there's no need for guilt.
Load More Replies... #60
So about a week ago my best friend outet herself as lesbian and is dating another friend of mine i was surprised because she adored fictional men such as anime characters. As it turned out they have been dating for almost 5 months now and nobody knows except me. Idk what to do because my whole friend-group is homophobic and she wants to keep it a secret while meanwhile she is cuddling her gf the whole time in school.
Captive 1 year ago
What do you mean you don't know what to do? You don't do anything. It's none of your business.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
What she needs to do is start planning how she'll have her friend's back if things get public.
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Sara Frazer 1 year ago
Uh, find a different friend group?? Homophobic people are trash and don't deserve friends!
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
My daughter is dealing with mental health issues, including cutting, and attempting to commit suicide and everyone says I'm doing really well supporting her. In reality, my day and night is spent fearing that I will wake up with her having removed herself from life while I slept. I haven't slept deeply or longer than 3 hours at a time, in over a year. I question what I might have done to cause her wish to not be in this world, even though she's never been abused or hurt, and raised with open communication and love. I don't know what I would do if she went before me.
CD Mills 1 year ago
I guess folks don't think of being found out after posting confessions. I don't mean the ones like 'I want kids but my wife doesn't so I won't tell her', or other interpersonal things. I'm talking about the folks that crossed legal lines. It isn't really hard to find out who someone is on social media if they dig hard enough and these folks just blabbing on themselves, crazy.
brittany 1 year ago
my son was born with a disability that shortens the life span of most who have it. while he might be the lucky few who go on to live a full long life, the odds are not in his favor. ive cried and cried about the fact that i might have to watch my son get sick and pass away. every year seems like a countdown and i wish i didnt know. i want to be happy while he's still with us. ive had nightmares about seeing his face in a coffin and it makes me wish i had done myself in a long time ago and never had kids. he didn't ask to be born and i feel like its my fault even though there was no way for us to know this would happen. sometimes the guilt is so bad i want to hurt myself but i cant because my son and daughters need me.
Vanessa MacKenzie 1 year ago
My daughter is dealing with mental health issues, including cutting, and attempting to commit suicide and everyone says I'm doing really well supporting her. In reality, my day and night is spent fearing that I will wake up with her having removed herself from life while I slept. I haven't slept deeply or longer than 3 hours at a time, in over a year. I question what I might have done to cause her wish to not be in this world, even though she's never been abused or hurt, and raised with open communication and love. I don't know what I would do if she went before me.
CD Mills 1 year ago
I guess folks don't think of being found out after posting confessions. I don't mean the ones like 'I want kids but my wife doesn't so I won't tell her', or other interpersonal things. I'm talking about the folks that crossed legal lines. It isn't really hard to find out who someone is on social media if they dig hard enough and these folks just blabbing on themselves, crazy.
brittany 1 year ago
my son was born with a disability that shortens the life span of most who have it. while he might be the lucky few who go on to live a full long life, the odds are not in his favor. ive cried and cried about the fact that i might have to watch my son get sick and pass away. every year seems like a countdown and i wish i didnt know. i want to be happy while he's still with us. ive had nightmares about seeing his face in a coffin and it makes me wish i had done myself in a long time ago and never had kids. he didn't ask to be born and i feel like its my fault even though there was no way for us to know this would happen. sometimes the guilt is so bad i want to hurt myself but i cant because my son and daughters need me.
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