Nobody enjoys being cut off or bumped into, yet these things happen all the time — both to and because of us.
Experts say that such behaviors instigate a self-perpetuating cycle, hampering our productivity, our happiness, and our health along the way.
So incivility is like a virus. Contract the stuff, and there's a big chance you can spread it without even consciously wanting to.
Interested in which of its forms are the most common, Reddit user MaximumHemidrive asked others on the platform to share what people say and do without realizing it's actually quite hurtful.
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If someone declines alcohol, do not insist, and do not ask them why.
Say you don't eat meat and everybody offers you some, say you don'T drink alcohol and everybody offers you some, say you don't have sex - nothing!
It was that moment on Ellen that shocked me deeply. She was trying to force Mariah Carey to drink alcohol to see if she was pregnant or not. That's when she showed the world what an awful toxic hag she is.
Was at en event to support my son, and one of his team mate kept asking them insisted. Thought I politely declined repeatedly, my son, in trying to defend me by saying rather loudly “She said no, she is a recovering alcoholic”. Ummm normally that be awkward, but he only meant to defend me. (Yes I can sit in a bar, no, it doesn’t bother me anymore). In general since we are unaware of the circumstances, like many things, no still means no.
Yeah, I always get 'you're no fun' remarks. I don't like the taste, I don't like being smashed, and I don't need booze to have a good time. And if you need booze just to stand my company, I'm out, lol.
Would you drink it from a can? Would you drink it from a pan?
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Do not offer me alcohol at 1:15 pm if you need me awake at 1:25pm.
I never drink alcohool (except for a drop in lemoncello drowned in water at my birthday), and I don't smoke or do d**g either. I'm 19 so nearly everyone around me does it and that ometimes makes me wonder if something is wrong with me. I know that the only wrong thing is living in a world where it's expected to poison your body with these.
There's nothing at all wrong with you. You just haven't felt the need to do any of these things, and that's okay. I've never felt the need to go skydiving or eat oysters, and I'm cool with that!
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I think you should ask why. Because next time I know if I should offer again or not. Tell me you don't drink, I'll never offer again. Tell me you're a bit under the weather or just don't fancy it today, I'll, offer next time. Asking is fine, just ask the right way.
It is going to depend on how well you know the person. If it is a casual acquaintance, then don't ask. If it's your bestest friend, then do ask.
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I hate this; I rarely ever drink and if I do it's a small wine and even then I don't like how I feel after the buzz wears off. Don't insist I said no thanks I shouldn't have to start explaining why
A friend of mine taught me to order a Henry Weinharts root beer (bars usually have something like that) and carry the bottle around. Suddenly the endless peer pressure vanishes.
It’s so easy to be helpful in this situation. All you have to do is say ‘Is there anything I can get you?’, it’s polite, it’s an open question so they can choose how to respond and it makes no reference to alcohol or otherwise.
This is so true. When my husband tells people he doesn't drink alcohol, he is frequently asked if he is a recovering alcoholic - "Nope, why would you think that? I just don't like the taste of alcohol."
The only person who insisted I drink was my father, an alcoholic. I just said no. I was under age at the time. At a party he wanted me to at least hold a drink just to be sociable. Again I refused.
I cannot stress this one enough. it's none of your business why I don't drink, and one time saying no thank you, is enough.
I hate it when people ask me why I don't drink. I would like to say myob but to keep the peace I joke and say "IF I drink you'll end up having to call the cops!". This shuts them up.
Try telling people you have allergens. You'll get idiots responding, "maybe if you tried it, you'd like it!!!"
I don't drink anymore and I don't really hang out with anyone who does, but the only thing I press further than this is "should I never offer you alcohol, I don't want to bother you". That way I'm not hassling someone who would never want it. Once I know it's permanent, I back off. Or if they tell me it's just that day or whatever, I'll politely offer next time.
It's fine to not drink. It's not fine to make SoBrIeTy your whole personality.
LISTENING TO ANYTHING IN PUBLIC WITH YOUR VOLUME ON. This includes TikTok, YouTube, social media, face timing, phone on speaker, music, etc. No one gives a f**k what media you’re consuming. Airports especially seem to attract this in droves like earbuds or headphones don’t exist?? If i can hear your phone you are getting The Glare. Learn to adjust to polite society.
Looking at your phone whilst someone talks to you. Put your phone DOWN and live in the moment that is REAL. Your phone is just a waste of your time 90% of the time! Enjoy a real face to face conversation!.
Why don't you have kids yet?.
Asking when you're going to have kids.
My fiancée had a hysterotomy a few years ago because reasons. We're planning to adopt and we're both fine with it. There's enough people in this world and we don't need to make more ourselves. She gets asked a lot when we're planning to have kids and she replies, completely deadpan, "I'm infertile" and the uncomfortable look on their faces when they don't know how to respond gives us both great joy. We hope it helps them think twice before asking someone else. I can't wait to marry that woman.
In a similar situation, I used to be asked why I only had one child. Or told I was "selfish" for only having one. Or, in a slightly more positive way (I guess), "Your daughter is so gorgeous! I hope you're having another!". Yeah, well my daughter is the only surviving baby out of 10 pregnancies. I had 9 first trimester miscarriages, some of which became seriously life-threatening, so I consider myself pretty lucky to have one child, actually.
Giving any sort of unsolicited advice on someone's physical appearance.
In my disliking of the whole "girls hating on girls" cliché, I always compliment other females on something they r wearing. I don't care that they didn't ask for it cuz sometimes ppl just need to hear something nice from a total stranger.
Saying "it was God's will" when someone you care about dies. So inappropriate yet so many people do it anyway.
Where I used to work, a colleague miscarried. Another colleague told her, “God needed the baby more than you” in some weird attempt to be comforting. Everyone else was like WTF?
“Smile!” Had a coworker that kept telling me to smile and I had to talk to a manager about it. I’m a large rough looking man and apparently my resting staring off into space face offended her. I live with chronic pain, so no, I don’t feel like smiling when I’m not interacting with anyone. I’m not scowling, I’m not mad I’m just not happy.
I can totally relate to that. I hope the pain u suffer is at least bearable. Hope u find something that helps u out!
Being chronically ill and constantly being told "well at least it isn't cancer". No but it's stuff I have to live the rest of my life with. Also "but you look ok". Crazy how most all of my body is on the inside me.
Yes, as someone with chronic daily migraine headaches, invisible and painful, I have had a headache every day for 20 years. And I hate when people tell me to pop an aspirin and it will be fine, or tell me that if I lose weight it will improve.
Stepping off a full escalator and then standing still while looking around. Bro, just take 4-5 steps forward to figure yourself out!.
Not just escalators, but also stairs at the train station. Or sitting on them. I do not want to hit them with my bike.
Commenting on weight in any way - “you’re so skinny” isn’t always a compliment.
Leaving your grocery cart in the middle of the aisle so others cannot pass. It’s inconsiderate and infuriating.
Oh I'll move it! I'll take it for a little trip around the store if you're not paying attention. Might even add a few things it.
People getting on an elevator before allowing people who are on it to get off.
Approach a disabled person you don’t know to call them brave, inspirational, etc. Especially if you are using them as an example to children. Every single disabled person I have ever met HATES when people do this. It’s calling unnecessary attention to them and a lot of people feel put on the spot, so it’s not a kind or respectful thing to do.
Just leave people the f**k alone, they’re not here to be your example or your teachable moment.
I always think you can figure out how it feels by swapping the person around. If you think for example that hotpants are ok, visualise your dad in them and ask whether they're ok. No, they're not. They're lechy. Now, do the same thought with the above. Swap disabled person with black person. "Oh look how inspirational, a black person in a store!" ... f**k off. So if your gut reaction to the person swap is "ewww gross" then yes, ANY comment on ANY person in that scenario is "eww gross".
Talking loudly while traveling in herds with no spatial awareness. The random scream. Think college freshman packs or middle schoolers at the mall.
People who let their dogs jump up on you. Hey I love dogs but I’m not in the mood of having dirty paws on my nice clean clothes.
"You don't look autistic"
Oh you don't say?.
Talking to someone about work when they're eating their lunch on their lunch break.
I don't mind discussing work with colleagues while on my lunch break, so not everyone will think this is rude...
It amazes me how many people cut each other off mid-sentence. It doesn’t matter how many people are in the conversation, the topic, or nature of it, inevitably someone will cut the other person off mid-sentence.
Immediately walking up the aisle once the plane lands and not letting those sitting in front of u get out first.
Sharing your own experience before reacting to someone else sharing a story. No matter your intentions behind sharing your own story it will always seem like you are trying to one up someone or make everything about you. I'm not trying to say you can't or shouldn't share your story but react and ask a few questions before you do. Show that you care about the other person first.
It is super easy to step into that trap. I have to admit I also do that sometimes but if I do I wanted to tell the other person that they are not alone but I am also thinking "dammed u shouldn't do that" while talking. But then it's too late 😔
*why are you so quiet?*
Why do you talk so much? See how rude that sounds?.
Uncle asked my kid why are they so quiet and she said, why are younso loud, i could hear you even before i walked tru the front door the poor neighbours
Commenting on a stranger's acne. Holy s**t, doesn't matter what 'hack' or trick or advice you have that you just have to share, the person KNOWS what their skin looks like, has almost certainly tried everything and then some, and is just trying to get through their day. That s**t hurts from friends and family, let alone some a*****e customer at your job or d******d at the bar. Just /don't/.
same for anyone suffering anything. I have loads of allergies and people tell me stupid s**t like "well if you only ate healthy like more nuts"... f**k right off... I am precisely allergic to that "healthy" s**t.
When someone shares something tough they're experiencing, saying "Welcome to the club" is really invalidating.
Touching people’s hair without their permission. As a black woman who wears protective styles I get this all the time. I am not a petting zoo.
Rude to do? Cancel plans to attend an activity for the last minute or just not show up to something you've RSVP'd for. I understand sometimes people suddenly get sick, their kid gets sick, or they have a last minute work assignment, but I hate the "I changed my mind," or "I didn't feel like it" excuses. I actually had a birthday party where everyone I invited decided they'd just not show up, but it was okay because they assumed other people would come. I only invited four people, and nobody came. It was very hurtful and disappointing. Happy birthday to me!.
Just so you know, I would have shown up (unless death or a family member, or serious illness) - I don’t get invited to parties so when ai do, I take it seriously.
“You look good for your age.”
There are so many ways to compliment someone on aging well, but that is not one of them.
I'm ok with this one. I'm definitely heading to old age now so if a youngish person says this I feel quite good about myself.
Leaving your highbeams on whenever there’s a car in front of you, whether they’re on the same or opposite side of the road. I know for a lot of people this is obvious, but I was once in front of somebody who would always turn their highs off for oncoming cars and turn them on once said car had passed, even though they were 15 feet behind me and were still shining their highs into my face. I did not know this person, and had not committed some sort of traffic faux pas.
Pitch dark on the turnpike. Some moron 100 feet begind me with high beams blaring. If you're 1000 feet behind me, it's blinding. If you can see me, turn them off! (Especially if you have those newer "brighter than the sun" type of headlights!)
Note: this post originally had 40 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
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Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
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unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
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So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
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Asking a transgender person if they've "had the surgery" is extremely rude, it's none of your business and has all sorts of unpleasant connotations when you ask about someone's genitalia. Although really, asking anyone what's in their pants is a huge WTF social faux pas, and I am quite shocked that it ever became normalized!
Asking should be considered sexual harassment. It's nobody's business other than their doctor or their sexual partners.
Load More Replies... unsolicited advice on anything is rude. "I didn't ask you, so shut up"
adding my own, commenting on/blatantly staring at someone's scars. i have them on my arms and legs, and no matter what people have to comment or stare at me like i'm dangerous. i understand it's something different, but i'm still a person who lives with them. you can see them and move on, i live with them. just don't comment on anyone's scars or anything of that nature really. if i offer to tell my story, then by all means you can ask me things. but don't interrogate people, ESPECIALLY if you're a stranger
Taking up the entire aisle at the store with your cart/body/conversation is a HUGE pet peeve of mine. It amazes me that people are so situationally unaware and surprised other people exist.
I don't drink. When I'm offered a drink I politely decline and we go on with our lives. I guess my peers aren't pressuring me enough for me to fully understand why some posts make such a huge deal out of someone declining booze and being quizzed about your lifestyle choices. So much that they need articles and advice columns on how to deal with it??
If I wasn't drinking I'd not be pressured either, but in some circles it really is a thing. I've had other friends who have struggled with it previously. It often happens when people don't want to look at their own drinking habits...
Load More Replies... So the basic problem here is people. I've always liked this one because there's no positive way to accept it - "You're a lot brighter than you look."
Speaking to someone on the phone and they have the TV volume up and so you are struggling to hear what they are saying. Please turn the TV volume down.
I am a former smoker. This May will make 23 years smoke free. Quitting is very difficult, and it really took several years to not have the urge, and it is one of the things I am most proud of accomplishing. That being said, the condescending "superiority" of non smokers who would offer non solicited commentary and advice, people who would start coughing loudly, and that idiotic hand fanning just annoyed the royal p**s out of me. Pretty much all smokers know it is a horribly expensive and unhealthy habit, they need support, not insults. Pretty much makes a smoker want a cigarette more every time it happens. If you are a smoker and want to quit, try. Don't get disallusioned if you stumble, just keep trying, get support from family and friends. You'll get there in your time. Best of luck!
You smokers are entitled a******s, you poison others with your disgusting, smelly cigarettes. People were acting like that because you didn't respect their space, just like a typical smoker. Thanks for my migraines.
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