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41 Criminals Who Tried To Cover Up Their Crimes In Dumb Ways And Made Things Worse
If you’ve committed a crime, the ethical and smart thing to do would be to turn yourself in to the authorities. You then face your punishment and genuinely try to make amends for the horrible things you’ve done. However, some people think that they’re above the law and can escape the consequences of their actions.
In a brutally honest AskReddit thread, lawyers, police officers, and everyday people revealed the stupidest things they’ve seen criminals do to try to cover up their crimes. Their ‘briliant’ plans backfired and landed them in even more hot water.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
There was a guy who went to his buddies house after nearly mortally beating his girlfriend, police end up showing up to the house where the guy was, friend answers and buddy shows up behind the guy not wearing a shirt (this is important) police say who they’re looking for and both men say they don’t know who that person is. Here’s the kicker:
The guy that’s shirtless? Who beat his girlfriend? He has his first initial and last name in a big bold tattoo across his chest.
Whether you and the society you are in believe that criminals should be punished or rehabilitated affects how your overall justice system functions. What the function of prisons is, what to do with criminals, and how the damage they’ve done to society should be restored are all difficult questions that say a lot about your sense of ethics and morality.
There’s an argument to be made for restorative justice, where the criminal justice system encourages the restoration of relationships among the offenders, victims, and communities. However, there’s a question here whether the state should (or even could) force an individual to atone for their crimes.
According to the American Psychological Association, until the mid-1970s, the idea of prisoner rehabilitation was a key part of the prison policy in the United States.
“Prisoners were encouraged to develop occupational skills and to resolve psychological problems--such as substance [misuse] or aggression--that might interfere with their reintegration into society. Indeed, many inmates received court sentences that mandated treatment for such problems.”
However, things soon drastically changed.
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#2
Just happened last night. I work in a college town. Around 02:30 the bars close and the parade of drunk students commences.
Kid had one traffic cone on each arm and one on his head, walking jauntily down the main drag. As soon as I pulled up next to him he started doing the robotic drunk-guy-acting-sober walk. Carefully put the cones down on the sidewalk and kept walking as though nothing had happened. Forgot about the one on his head, though.
#3
I knew a chick who robbed a house she was house sitting for silverware and jewelry. She pawned it off at the closest pawn shop to the house so she was caught right away. However, being the dope fiend she was, she poured bleach all over the house to “get rid of her finger prints.” Instead of petty theft, she ruined the stairs and all the hardwood floors and paint on the walls and ended up with damages exceeding 10k if I remember correctly, which launched her well into new legal territories.
In the US, the system’s stance toward criminals then took a more punitive turn, with less focus on rehabilitation. In other words, there was a switch towards a “get tough on crime” philosophy, where prisons were seen as a place to punish the incarcerated.
The result, according to the APA, was a huge growth in the prison population. And yet, the effect on crime rates was modest.
“As a result, the United States now has more than 2 million people in prisons or jails--the equivalent of one in every 142 U.S. residents--and another four to five million people on probation or parole. A higher percentage of the population is involved in the criminal justice system in the United States than in any other developed country,” the APA reports.
As per the US Department of Justice, an estimated 15% to 20% of people in prison are mentally ill.
#4
Not a lawyer or a cop but I was at an insurance place and a guy smashed up his car and claimed he hit a deer and he shoved fur in the cracks and seams that wasn't deer fur and then in the car was his dog with the matching color fur and a big shaved spot hahah.
#5
Was on Shore Patrol and got a call from a town 60 miles west of the base to pick up a sailor they had in custody.
Dude was 5 minutes late getting back from Cinderella Liberty (back on base by midnight) the night before. Seriously, the gate guard would probably have covered for him, but he freaked out.
Police found him in the morning bloody and locked in the trunk of his car. He claimed he was beaten and robbed. Cops saw right through his story. He had wrecked his own car, beaten himself with a tire iron, and locked himself in the trunk.
Charged with filing a false report and obstruction on the civilian side. Unauthorized Absence, damaging government property (meaning himself), etc. on the military side.
#6
There was an Indian guy who burned his daughters apartment building down because she was living with a guy from a lower caste or something in the Chicago suburbs. He threw the gas can he used in the dumpster right next to the building. It had his name on it.
Bookworm 2 hours ago
Now I couldn't find anything saying whether the building had the offender's name on it or not. If this is a different case it means this happened more than once. In this case it's much worse than the post says. He not only set fire to it but did, in fact, m****r his daughter and son-in-law. His pregnant daughter. Along with their 3 year old son. A.k.a. his grandson. May he burn in hell. Link below.
"Prisons have really become, in many ways, the de facto mental health hospitals. But prisons weren't built to deal with mentally ill people; they were built to deal with criminals doing time,” noted former prison psychologist Thomas Fagan, PhD.
Meanwhile, Robert Morgan, PhD, a psychologist at Texas Tech University, explains that psychologists struggle to implement special programs for prisoners to transition back into society, alongside their regular prison caseloads.
“We're focused so much on the basic mental health services that there's not enough time or emphasis to devote to rehabilitative services.” There’s a lack of resources and too few mental health professionals in most prisons.
What’s more, there’s a fundamental tension between psychology, which is rehabilitative, and corrections, which is much more oriented toward punishment.
“Right now there's such a focus on punishment--most criminal justice or correctional systems are punitive in nature--that it's hard to develop effective rehabilitative programs,” Morgan explained.
#7
He was carrying a small butterfly knife, which is illegal. He tried to hide it *by swallowing it*. Had to lean him forwards and frantically hit him on the back to dislodge the thing as he turned blue.
It is like a $100 fine, and you lose the knife.
So he ended up in much more trouble, but in the end he got off with a larger fine and a real talking to from a judge. Bloody twit.
#8
This is a true story. When I was an ADA, a colleague of mine had a case where a couple of guys robbed a jewelry store. The police showed up and there was chase, they all split up and all got caught, but one of them had a bit of head start. Apparently he ran into a beauty salon and started yelling that he needed to dye his hair immediately. And then the police ran in after him.
#9
Cop here. Truthfully, most criminals are dumb. Like real dumb. They do stupid stuff to try and escape consequences all the time and end up making it worse. I’ll give you a few examples:
What would’ve been a ticket for theft turned into multiple felonies when a girl tried to hide her ID in a shopping bag that she used to steal stuff, by stuffing it into my back seat. It was a plastic sack, they’re not quiet. She had the longest criminal history I had ever seen. She gets caught a lot.
Had a kid run from me in handcuffs after being picked up for a juvie probation warrant. He kicked out my back window, dove headfirst into the pavement before trying to jump a six foot fence. In handcuffs. He got halfway over. His shirtless half slid down the top of the fence, where I picked him up - with a bajillion splinters - and booked him for multiple felonies. If he’d just cooperated he would’ve been home by lunch time.
What do you think? Have you ever witnessed someone covering up their crimes, only for everything to backfire in an even worse way? If you’ve ever worked as a lawyer or in law enforcement, what are some of the worst, most bizarre criminal behaviors you’ve seen?
What do you personally believe criminals can do to make genuine amends? Is everyone capable of repenting for their crimes?
If you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and experiences, you can do so in the comments at the very bottom of this post.
#10
Client Bruce is on trial for armed robbery of a liquor store. Bruce has a terrible prior record so cannot take the witness stand, or most of that will be revealed to the jury.
The robber was wearing a black ski mask, and it is hard to ID Bruce as the robber. However, the liquor store owner testifies that the robber had a big diamond on the pinkie finger of his right hand. Bruce has such a pinkie ring and, in full view of the jury, promptly sweeps his right hand from the top of the defense table to under it and turns to me in his chair.
Bruce is extremely agitated and tells me, "I wanna testify! That motherf--ker is lying!" Me: "What do you want to testify to, Bruce?" Bruce: "I wanna tell them he's a liar! He couldn't see my ring. I was wearing gloves!"
Bruce followed my advice but was convicted nonetheless.
#11
A guy I worked with was being charged with "dangerous driving" following a pursuit involving a police helicopter. He would have faced a fine and 1 year driving ban. His lawyer told him to plead guilty.
He ignored this advice and insisted on going to trial and his sole defense was that the police didn't have any kind of video recording proof of his crime as though this was some kind of technicality that would get him off. In questioning he even admitted to what he did, but still tried to convince the court that he was not guilty because there's no video recording.
The court threw everything at him everything bar a prison sentence (got a suspended one instead). The arresting police officer even told him he would just got a telling off had he stopped but his insistence on trying to play the system ended up majorly screwing him over.
#12
I dealt with a guy once who had burned his parents garage down.
He had been drink driving, hit a cyclist and hurt them. Driving ban, fine, maybe a suspended prison sentence given he had never been in trouble before. He was only 19 years old.
But in his drunk mind he decided that Police couldn’t prove he had been drink driving if there was no car. But he had parked the car back at home in the garage.
So he set the garage on fire with a can of petrol. Destroyed the garage, the car, the side of the house, the mobile home parked on the driveway and a large proportion of his neighbours garden.... still got charged with drink driving amongst other things.
#13
My sister is a sergeant LEO that used to work in robbery. She shows up to court to be present for the case where a guy is on trial for robbing a bank. They have him on camera and he wants to represent himself (no lawyer). His opening line is, “Yes, your honor. I’d just like to point out that you can’t tell that was me on camera because I was wearing a hat!”
....yea that was a fast trial.
#14
I worked 3rd shift police dispatch for a few years. One night a man with active warrants sees a cop sitting in his patrol car as he drives past him. This apparently makes him super nervous and he inexplicably thinks he needs to make a run for it, even though, in reality, the officer had not pulled out to follow him and was 100% unaware of this guy's warrants. The doofus speeds up, turns off his lights, and makes a quick turn to evade a pursuit that wasn't even happening. This catches the officer's attention, and he pulls out to follow. The guy speeds up even more and tries to trick the distantly trailing officer by cutting through a yard and driving to a street a block over. He somehow loses control (probably because he was speeding with his lights off in a yard) and crashes through the wall of a house. He instantly turned a couple of FTA warrants into much more serious charges. Best part... the house he hit was the JUDGE'S HOUSE. It's still hard to fully comprehend how hard this idiot screwed himself that evening.
#15
Client was embezzling money from his engineering firm.
Client actually had the money he had embezzled in his possession and could still return the money. He would have faced penal liability, but we could have pleaded him out to have served no more than a few months of probation. Under his circumstance, prison time was unlikely.
Client does not believe our advice. Client believes he is going to prison. Client believes his best course of action is to return to his country of birth, Iran. The United States strictly prohibits transfer of technology which can be used for nuclear programs to Iran. I explain this all to Client.
Client tries to board a flight to Iran. In his luggage is a programmable logic controller his firm had been subcontracted with the Federal government to develop. I don't know why he was taking this PLC with him, but it was there when he was pulled off the airplane in Stuttgart and taken into custody.
Client is now facing up to 20 years in federal prison for espionage and unlawful transfer of classified military technology to a hostile power.
People, listen to your lawyers.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
David Paterson 2 hours ago
A PLC is hardly worth 20 years in prison. Those things are a dime a dozen.
#16
Guy committed arson but he's such an idiot that he bought the propane tanks at Costco.
Costco knows... a lot...
#17
My nephew robbed a liquor store during a snowstorm in the middle of the night. He didn’t have a car so he had to walk. All the cops had to do was follow his footprints back to his house.
#18
My exboyfriend started beating me in front of 4 of my friends, and after they pulled him off of me, he called the police on THEM.
#19
Forge a hospital admission for an alibi. Pity the doctor who’s signature got used was overseas for a conference.
#20
Client figured he could get away with theft by erasing the ~20 minutes of footage from the home's security cameras.
#21
When I was young and dumb this girl we had staying with us had walked up to the store and called the police on me for hitting her, although I did not hit her, I fell a bit backwards when I got up because I was drunk. I was 19. I went and hid in an empty storage locker in the basement, but got worried I was going to get caught there so I went and hid behind a door. Of course the first place cops look when they go into a room is behind the door. Then I tried to resist ended up getting carried out with one cop on each arm. As we approached a door that lead to the stairs out of the building I decided to try to push off the door to try to get the cops to fall backwards. I got maced instead and an added charge of resisting. I would have probably just got a MIP, but I made it much worse.
#22
Lawyer here. guy posted incriminating photos on his Facebook. Somebody told him he was a moron for it and he deleted it like an hour later and updated his non private Instagram with the same photos because "it's newer and lawyers and cops can't see it when you're not friends"
He's in prison.
#24
Briefly prosecuted for about a year. You'd be amazed at how many old people shoplift. The go to for most of them was to put the items in a shopping bag hanging from their wheelchair and claim they forgot. I truly believe that some of them did, but it happened way too often for everyone to be innocent.
#25
Police here, guy was insanely drunk (.32 I Believe). I stopped him for making a left turn out of bar, which put him going north bound in a sound bound lane of a pretty large roadway and the road was divided by a median. So he drives over the median at full speed and his Landrover kinda-ish gets airborne. Gets pulled over.
He decides to consent to blowing into an field alco sensor and it reads a .5 BAC and then gets an error/shuts off, which I assume is it's max reading. Dude used alcohol based mouth wash to beat the alco sensor. He was still a .3+ which is impressive because normal people can't function right at this point. He only seemed drunk and not wasted and vomit covered like a normal person would be.
#26
This happened at work. A coworker on our first day of training for a compliance department stole another coworker’s phone and when we found out he was the first to say “let’s all go inside the training room again!”. He then told the guy “OMG I just found your phone in my backpack” and of course nobody believed him. The guy got fired.
#27
My 8th grade science teacher tried to light her apartment on fire to collect the insurance money... on the apartment that she was _renting_ . also, she used a match instead of a lighter so they found the match and now she's in prison for arson.
#28
Client was accused of embezzling millions from a company. This was simply false. The company owner had been hiding it from his spouse.
The owner's lawyer called me up to extort my client and told me that if our client testified as to facts XYZ in support of his defense in the divorce, that they would appreciate it. If my client would not perjure herself, they would have her prosecuted.
I recorded the attorney and filed a transcript along with a motion with the court. The Judge brought down the hammer and he was professionally disciplined by our state licensing authority for attorneys.
#29
When I was in high school we had a yearly scavenger hunt with a bunch of dumb and silly things to do. One of which was doing a “fire in the hole”. We did this at our local Burger King and right after we went to the Kroger across the parking lot to continue the hunt. The police showed up not long after. We were under 18 so we just got taken to the police station and called our parents. We felt stupid for being the only group that got caught but while we were waiting a senior from another group came in with handcuffs on. He got undressed and jumped on a car stopped at a light in front of his car. There was a cop two car behind him.
Also one of the things on the hunt list was to steal a garden gnome and put it in front of the police station. So it was pretty funny seeing about 10 different gnomes with evidence tags in them while we were calling our parents. The cops got a good laugh out of it to.
Edit. I should have explained a “fire in the hole” is ordering a drink in drive through and tossing it back at them. No explosives were involved.
#30
I knew a lawyer (she was not my client) who blew the statute of limitations on a low dollar personal injury case. Instead of informing her firm, she got the client to agree to settle for 40k. Faked up the settlement paperwork and gave him 40k -- that she embezzled from her church (she was the treasurer). That came to light, she paid back the church (she had the money), pled out to a misdemeanor and was disbarred.
#31
We responded to a break and enter one time and cleared the house. We go down to speak to the caller and tell her the house was clear and the only person we found was her sleeping roommate.
She looks at us puzzled and says I do t have a roommate. We ran up the stairs.
One other time a guy tried to rob a money mart with a knife. Now money parent clerks are surrounded in about 5 inches of ballistic glass.
Clerk says to him. “ is this a joke?”
Any criminal who breaks into a house or car after 4 am on a Sunday. We usually have nothing to do then and are all waiting for this. You want to be a successful criminal do the crime at 2 am Saturday.
Another guy walked backward up to a bar door after it was closed to break I. He did this so he would not be seen by the camera .
Grabs the door and pulls and the door handle comes off and he falls. Get up and looks directly at the camera.
#32
Not a cop or lawyer, but I worked at a restaurant a few years ago and after I had left the owner stopped paying the employees. They all showed up one day to demand him to pay them and the owner called the police on them for “trespassing”. At their place of employment. The police showed up and told him he had to pay them. Place shut down the next day. That guy was such a jerk.
#33
Man was getting charged in court as the evidence was paramount and it went to a short break and during the break the convict tried to smash his laptop up that had the evidence on it. Seen that online thought it was pretty stupid considering the judge and jury had all already seen the evidence.
#34
Lawyer here, not quite covering up a crime but still stupid. I had a case where the other party was trying to claim that my client had no rights to a vehicle they bought together during their marriage. To support his claim, he told the judge that he was already married in another state when he married my client, thus making their marriage invalid. So it's just his truck, not hers.
Not only is he incorrect legally, but he admitted (under oath, on the record) to committing a felony for which he was already under investigation. All for a beat-up old car. Which the judge promptly awarded to my client.
#35
Claimed he was the son of the very Judge he was set to appear before. (he did have the same last name).
#36
The classic, which I encountered more than once: pull the car over, obvious there’s only one occupant, you can see him jump into passenger seat, cop approaches vehicle, guy says “Man I hope you catch that guy, he’s really drunk.” Sure, I’ll go with that, but the jury won’t.
#37
Not a laywer but my story
Got real drunk with some friends down at by river and golf course, by around 4am we are walking back and what do we see but 4 golf carts with the keys
We start racing them. Turns out the green keeper was there and joins in, with his pick up.
Now if we had been sober or even vaguely intelligent we would have stopped, but one friend was *not * getting caught and tried to flee to the river, tearing down over one of the wet greens , over the hill and into the river.
He went from us getting a good shouting at to criminal damage, theft, vandalism, dui, and resisting arrest, upside was we all got interviewed drunk and the case got dropped on that (we all admitted it, police felt 4 confessions and and one witness meant no need for extra evidence - the judge saw 4 statements given under the influence as not admissible when he had 4 teenagers looking at driving bans and jail time over an obvious juvenile incident gone wrong)
This story is why I stopped drinking and went to college.
#38
Former jury member here, had a case where a guy robbed a travel agents (red flag right there, travel agents don't really hold a lot of cash), he claimed that the guys with him kidnapped him and forced him to do it although he was wearing a balaclava and they weren't. Anyway, failing to find any cash on the ground floor they spotted a staircase leading down to a basement and thought there might be a safe down there so went downstairs. Of course, instead of that there were a whole bunch of travel agents on the phone to the cops. Cue a hurry for the exit, although not before he stole the purse from a lady's handbag, unfortunately he's not very bright. He runs round the corner to a bus stop where he promptly stops and waits for a bus! Police pick him up at the bus stop with purse in one pocket and balaclava in the other. Still claims he has been kidnapped. Not sure anyone in the room believed him...
#39
Police Officer here....just thought of another one from 3 years ago!
We get a call about a guy passing counterfit $100 dollar bills at CVS. We get there and the CVS manager says describes him as a male black wearing a blue sweater with white stripes and he last saw him running towards Stop and Shop.
So walking into Stop and shop we see a Blue sweater with white stripes sitting on the bench...the perp shed his sweater. To be honest with you the sweater was our real link to to the guy. So walking around Stop and Shop we see the one and only black dude so we start talking to him. The manager from CVS comes over for a show up and confirms its him. The guy protests saying it cant be him, he was in church, he has evidence to prove it...honestly I started to believe that it wasnt him.
So while we are walking out with him we pass the sweater on the bench and the guys asks us "please dont forget my sweater, its cold out" ............boom.
#40
Several years ago someone stole a truck from my husband's work place over the weekend, drove it several miles away, stole the tools out of it then set the truck on fire. He got caught when he went to the hospital for burns in his hands. He was an employee from that work place, too.
#41
Not a lawyer/LEO but managed a retail location with one of those self service coin counters. It was not uncommon to get requests from police to look at surveillance video for various cases.
One day, a fire captain comes in. Tells me about a case of stolen coins he's working on. Apparently a group of kids was breaking into houses and cashing in coin collections at the coin counter for pennies on the dollar of what they were worth. (Stupid #1)
Curiousity got the better of me and I asked why a fire captain was investigating. To cover their tracks, the kids were lighting the houses on fire. Went from minor burglaries to arson. (Stupid #2)
Went to the pre trial for one, his parents seemed like decent people. Never heard how long they got, but all were caught.
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What do you think ?
Bookworm 2 hours ago
How about one where the prosecutors tried to make their case in a dumb way? Was on a jury where the prosecutors were trying a prisoner for a*****t on a prison guard. They were trying him for felony a*****t (vs. simple a*****t) by claiming the guard was acting on orders from a federal agent. Despite the agent not being on the premises, no communication between the two, or even saying what orders he was following. Their entire premise was the prisoner was being tried for a different federal charge at the time. Therefore anything done involving him was under orders from a federal agent. Yes even performing normal duties that would have been done if he wasn't being tried for anything. (He was a career criminal and had other charges he was convicted of long before any of the federal charges. Gets out just long enough to commit more crimes).
Bookworm 2 hours ago
In the jury room we speculated that they were testing how far a jury would believe 'acting on a federal agent's orders ' goes. While there's no doubt the guard was assaulted, most of us didn't believe it met the legal requirements for felony a*****t. Some did. It ended in a mistrial which the defense was happy about. I sincerely hope charges were refiled for simple a*****t instead of felony a*****t. They definitely met the requirements for simple. (It's truly a horrible feeling say not guilty when one person clearly, severely injured another but the legal system ties your hands and I hope that guard eventually got justice).
Load More Replies...
Ali 1 hour ago
Less interesting than many of these, but here is one that I still think of as unbelievably stupid; a guy at my university (90s) went out and got himself a TV, a computer and laptop. Then went to the bank and reported his card stolen. The police saw on the store CCTV it was him shopping, weirdly - he had also taken out insurance and signed the form while showing id. Police went round to his room, all the items are there. Obviously he was in trouble, but one reason they went a bit light was just how stupid he was - turns out when he had gone to the bank to say his card had been stolen, he had entered with some friends actually still carrying all the items - they didn't even wait outside.
Bookworm 2 hours ago
How about one where the prosecutors tried to make their case in a dumb way? Was on a jury where the prosecutors were trying a prisoner for a*****t on a prison guard. They were trying him for felony a*****t (vs. simple a*****t) by claiming the guard was acting on orders from a federal agent. Despite the agent not being on the premises, no communication between the two, or even saying what orders he was following. Their entire premise was the prisoner was being tried for a different federal charge at the time. Therefore anything done involving him was under orders from a federal agent. Yes even performing normal duties that would have been done if he wasn't being tried for anything. (He was a career criminal and had other charges he was convicted of long before any of the federal charges. Gets out just long enough to commit more crimes).
Bookworm 2 hours ago
In the jury room we speculated that they were testing how far a jury would believe 'acting on a federal agent's orders ' goes. While there's no doubt the guard was assaulted, most of us didn't believe it met the legal requirements for felony a*****t. Some did. It ended in a mistrial which the defense was happy about. I sincerely hope charges were refiled for simple a*****t instead of felony a*****t. They definitely met the requirements for simple. (It's truly a horrible feeling say not guilty when one person clearly, severely injured another but the legal system ties your hands and I hope that guard eventually got justice).
Load More Replies... Ali 1 hour ago
Less interesting than many of these, but here is one that I still think of as unbelievably stupid; a guy at my university (90s) went out and got himself a TV, a computer and laptop. Then went to the bank and reported his card stolen. The police saw on the store CCTV it was him shopping, weirdly - he had also taken out insurance and signed the form while showing id. Police went round to his room, all the items are there. Obviously he was in trouble, but one reason they went a bit light was just how stupid he was - turns out when he had gone to the bank to say his card had been stolen, he had entered with some friends actually still carrying all the items - they didn't even wait outside.
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