People Share 30 Signs That Scream Someone Is Having A Secret Affair
Interview
Most of us would really want to believe that most folks are, at the end of the day, good, honest, and loyal. If this is the case in your life, congratulations, appreciate the people you keep around you. Because, unfortunately, some people have learned the hard way that their partner is up to no good.
Someone asked, “People who have been cheated on, what was the red flag that gave it away?” and netizens shared their personal stories. From catching them in the act to piecing together the clues, be sure to upvote your favorites as you scroll through and comment your own thoughts and experiences below. We also got in touch with HappyBean248 who made the initial post.
This post may include affiliate links.
She started spending a lot of time at her ‘cousins’ house. Seemed obvious she was secretly meeting up with a dude and using the cousin as a cover story so I checked her phone and was shocked to find I was wrong. She was actually just banging her cousin.
Hiding her phone when texting. And also, weirdly our cat who would never sit on anyone's lap was constantly sitting with me and on me and then stopped shortly after I found out. Figure the cat was ratting her out. Good cat. I kept the cat.
I showed up at her house to suprise her after work but to my suprise a guy answered the door. Turns out he was her fiancé who was working abroad and had decided to come home early to suprise her also.
I had no idea she was engaged.
Bored Panda got in touch with HappyBean248 who initially posed the question to the internet, and they were kind enough to share some more details. “Curiosity prompted me to ask this question,” they shared, a common thread in many of the posts made in this particular internet group.
Since making the post, it has amassed over 2.1k comments, so we wanted to know if HappyBean248 had any insights into why it ended up being so popular. “I think people found it interesting because it lets them tell their stories of how they found they were being cheated on.”
She had been having an emotional affair with a guy from work but said she wasn't talking to him anymore. We were on a road trip, she was driving, and I was using her phone for GPS since mine was messed up. She got a text from a phone number about seeing her tomorrow. She tried to play it off like it was a wrong number but I recognized it was his and called her out on it. A few days later, on the advice of multiple friends, I went to our cell phone company and got a copy of her call logs. She'd been calling him many times over weeks (not to mention how many times he called her). It was always when she'd "go on walks" by herself at night because she "likes the quiet alone time." Yeah, and the selfies she had on her phone of her looking sexy in a bikini or laying on bed were just because she liked how she looked. I can't believe how stupid I was to believe that lying cheater.
It's not stupid, if you're not that kind of person you believe them, the other way around I see many insincere people being paranoid because they can't imagine others people being trustworthy
Her side piece got tired of her telling him she'd leave me and her not doing it so he contacted me himself and told me.
The friend she previously had a crush on moved back to town, I half-joked that our relationship had an end date.
Suddenly she ignores me every night, her snap maps are turned off for the first time ever (normally not something I care about nor check, but her acting sketchy made me curious), and showed up to work with a hickey on her neck.
Told me she was leaving me to "be closer to God". Turns out God's name is Kevin.
Phone bill showed she was texting this other number 600 a month. It looked familiar so when I dialed it it was a buddy of mine.
The old “working late” chestnut, blowing v hot and cold, encouraging me to go out with the boys, then coming home early and finding her on her back getting banged kinda confirmed my suspicions…
The dead bedroom that lasted 7 years. Each year was some form of excuse involving some sort of medical issue that would just resolve itself without requiring any sort of medical treatment.
The last straw was buying a house in her hometown where all of her childhood friends were a part of a large-ish (for the total population) swinger community.
One of my friends from work came up to me while we were on a break and asked me, “How come I never see you at any of Kay’s (her best friend and host of 90% of the swinger events) bonfire parties?”
I was like, “What bonfire parties?”
Their reaction and the look on their face ((immediately embarrassed and pitying mixed with horror and fear) told me absolutely everything I needed to know. She had been doing this for years. I was clueless because I was convinced that she was completely loyal. I was in an incredibly difficult and traumatic marriage to my son’s mom, my first wife. She committed many felonious acts and was eventually convicted of grand larceny for stealing large sums of money from developmentally delayed adults.
She got caught in a sting operation by a joint task force of FBI and county sheriff. I was not involved and only ever spoke with law enforcement over the phone
She kidnapped our grade-school child, during his recess period, told no one and ran to her daddy, who lives in the next state over from us, presumably believing that she was safe because she crossed state lines…? My take, anyway.
She received 6 whole days in a county jail and then got her rich daddy to expunge her record. We were divorced a year later and it ruined me.
So! I filed for divorce from my second wife immediately and completely lost my s**t on her in the comments section. 🤷🏻♂️
She got the house.
I got my dog, my truck and my trailer and live at my mom’s house again. I just turned 50.
She was really hot then cold, she'd ignore me for days then all of a sudden want to be with me non stop, then after a while she'd ghost again. I thought she just needed some alone time after we spent so long together, which I understand and appreciated, but I later found out that she would start to be distant when she made contact with someone else, then have this hyper fixated mini relationship with them, usually culminating with her cheating. Then she'd come back and be all over me, I suspect out of guilt.
Then other weird stuff, she'd be really cold on me for a while, she went to some camp as a counselor and was really distant the whole time, then randomly sent me a bunch of naked photos of herself, then not answer my texts "because of the bad signal" but by then I had caught on, those pics were for someone else and I was getting second hand nudes of my girlfriend from my girlfriend. We didn't last much longer than that.
Treating me like s**t then being suddenly sweet and interested in my day. Phone was always facing down and hated when I would hold it for any reason. Never wanted sex. Would be in the bathroom for an absurdly long time. There’s a lot more. When you’ve been cheated on as many times as I have, it’s like learning another language.
My young children telling me they saw him kissing our neighbor and my best friend.
The big a*s hickey she had on her neck that our coworkers noticed. Our coworkers were joking around about the kind of weekend we had. Problem was that i didn't give her a hickey. She didn't even deny it when i confronted her about it. To add the hell cherry on this c**p sundae, all of this happened on Valentines Day. It's why I hate that blasted holiday.
That is really tacky and sounds like teenage behaviour, and I hope you have found some special lady. Not quite the same but it reminded me of a Valentines day a long time ago. I was with my ex husband and we went out to a very nice romantic restaurant. Once we had talked about our daughter, we both knew that there was nothing to talk about and we both sat there feeling uncomfortable, every one around us were happy and in love, and I felt so empty inside. I still remember that every Valentines day, it was a light bulb moment especially when he said 'I forgot to get you a card' with a couldn't care less look.
She forgot her phone home and a guy sent her a message reading ''your dumbass bf home? finish work at 2''.
She got home to an empty appartment and a note detailling what happened. Packed a go bag, laptop, clothes and paid for the next 4 months of rent. Scorched earth. Never saw her again. Hope I never do.
Shouldn't have bothered with the rent but good for you for leaving bad rubbish behind.
The last guy to cheat on me, I remember the first sign vividly... we were out bowling with friends, he had been on his phone more than usual, and then I saw it, he smiled at his phone. Not in the " haha my friends are funny" kind of way, you know the smile. I got that awful feeling in my chest. After he denied anything going on, I went on his phone while he was asleep ( I'm not proud of it) I saw the messages, I had met the girl that night too.
Heartbreaking is what it is. I know the smile, if you ask what they're smiling about "just saw something funny/cute" or "I'm just reading something" or "playing my game, I just won big". I've heard them all
Crazy jealousy, and rules that only applied to me but not him( couldn't have a lock on my phone, wasn't allowed to have Snapchat, had to share my location, etc). I'm not a jealous person so I never snooped, and I ended up finding out by complete accident.
It's all so cliche. He started caring about his clothes after years of sweats, ripped jeans and old band tees, he shows up in Tod's shoes and a Ralph Lauren sweater. Suddenly his phone is on silent and never out of his hand or pocket. Missing and unaccounted for periods of time. Serious manscaping.
Ahh, yes the new serious manscaping that they never cared to do before. I'm so sorry you went through this, it's devastating.
Change in communication patterns is a big one.
I’ve been cheated on 5 times and every single time they start showing a lack of interest beforehand. They’ll distance themselves and stop checking in, almost like they’re trying to limit the damage done by forcing distance between you.
But in the end it’s more-so about them protecting themselves and their own interests than you. If they really cared about you, they would break things off before it even reaches the point of cheating. And that is something I wish I realized sooner.
When I came home early from work and there were men's boots by the door that weren't mine.
Plus, them f*****g in the bedroom was pretty good confirmation.
They're both very lucky they aren't dead right now. That was my first instinct.
Her mom asked me to come over, and showed me screenshots from her computer of her making plans to meet up with a guy while I was at work. Her sister confirmed that it was her boyfriend, and she was planning on confronting both of them, and asked me to be there.
I declined, and ended the relationship with a phone call. Her sister was more my type anyway. The jealous looks from my ex when I came over to see her sister *were priceless*.
"My friend that I met online from another state is coming to visit me. Don't come over that night. He wants me to finally watch (that one studio ghibli film. name escapes me. castle in the sky or something?)" I was so naive it barely bothered me at the time. It hit me later 💀💀💀
I think that learning to differentiate between our anxiety and our gut is crucial. My spidey senses went up, and I remember we were kissing and he kissed me differently or touched me differently…. *something* was different and I just knew and called him on it.
Upvoted for, "learning to differentiate between our anxiety and our gut is crucial."
The person she cheated on me with messaging me on Facebook saying “nice ring you bought her, felt good up my a*s”….. funny in retrospect.
Meeting her boyfriend gave it away for me. Apparently I was the side piece the whole time. First girl I really fell for and she absolutely crushed me.
The knot in my stomach. Gut feeling. Intuition.
Fun fact it's right about 80+% of the time. Give it a search.
But it was how he'd always answer curiosity with anger and anything but an actual answer. Also dreams and achievements were downplayed or insulted.
Yeah, that feeling is real. It's literally a deep pit in your stomach with a bizarre feeling when something is up. Generally there are other clues as well, like hiding the phone/tablet/computer/etc, defensiveness, distancing themselves then being overly affectionate. So many clues
Started becoming very distant, as if he was not in the relationship at all anymore. Would disappear in a room for a while, to obvs have text chit chats. Our relationship was already getting to its end though, we both knew. He was just a coward and couldn’t be alone for a second and had to find the next person before breaking it off.
Best way to put it though, you can kind of tell if your relationship is not going well. You would hope they won’t be weak enough to cheat and just tell you they are unhappy in the relationship. But if you are seeing no return in a relationship, better to break it off. It’s never worth dragging a dead horse.
I agree with this. I had a very strange break up recently. My ex was loving and sweet and spent a lot of time with me (always being very affectionate) then one day without any warning (after he stayed the night) I got a nasty and very vindictive email from him ending out long relationship. I think he found someone else, but his behaviour has me puzzled so much I became really ill. Would have been much better if hadn't dragged things out and ended it in a nice way. Sending a hug x
Less sex was happening and she blamed it on meds. She constantly reassured me and I didn’t pressure her. After like 2 months without sex I mentioned maybe bringing it up to her doctor and she said she would… slowly became less affectionate to the point where she seemed repulsed.
But she kept reassuring me.
It took me taking her out to a nice lavish dinner only for her to get straight to bed and go on candy crush when we got home for me to finally snap. I waited until she went asleep, looked through her phone, and got what I needed.
She still denied and reassured me even in the face of evidence to the contrary.
A week later she told me that she fell out of love and hadn’t loved me for “months”. But she never made me the wiser.
Still icing that wound. 2.5+ year relationship.
I’ve learned in the future that if a relationship doesn’t work for me, I don’t need to justify it or expend energy trying to fix it. Sometimes it just stops working for me and I need to nut up and cut the losses. But it’s just like… you think you can trust someone :(
Writing in her diary that she thought it was a "woman's right to sleep around and play the field" in modern times even while in a committed relationship, then leaving said diary open to that page on her desk in plain view, after having asked me to check her physics assignment for her.
Write in plain sight "It is a person's right to break up with unfaithful partners regardless of rhymes or reasons offered" and make sure she sees it! -_-
I'll offer three:
1) We had vacation for two all planned, last minute invites a friend. Not the guy she was sleeping with but a platonic friend who just by being there c**k-blocked the whole trip.
2) Off-hand casual remark, 'I thought the inside of a Mercedes would be fancier.' No one we both knew drove a Mercedes.
3) We had our own apartments but I was at hers frequently (3-4 nights a week). Suddenly, she was too busy, and it wasn't a good time to come over.
A couple of months into dating, she said how much she loved me and that I would be the first partner EVER for her not to cheat on.... Narrator: He would not be the first.
I could feel it. The aura was unmistakable, married 10 years, cheated on me 3 times. I should have left sooner but… the kids.
Don’t ever stay together for the kids. It’s miserable and they know it.
Is OP just trying to cheat and learning how to cover their tracks
Started being protective of his phone screen - phone face down but would angle away from me if we were sitting close. Would go “hang out with the boys” but would change into a clean shirt/have a shower and brush his teeth before he left. Kicker was I found a looong red hair tangled in his beard (I’m a brunette).
In fairness, we should all be putting on a clean shirt and brushing our teeth before we hang out with friends.
A good friend of mine sat me down and told me my girlfriend at the time was cheating on me. They were friends with the roommate of the guy she was cheating on me with, and the roommate knew of me so he told my friend. I was stunned but it was just rumors still, even if they were solid ones, so I needed to confirm for myself. The flag wasn’t quite red at this point.
So I called my girlfriend and immediately after she picked up I point blank asked her “Did you sleep with [dude’s name]?” She was silent for a second too long then nervously chuckled and stammered out in a tone that can only betray that you got caught doing something terrible, “w-what? No. What are you talking about?” The flag was pretty damn red at this point.
So I repeated the question but added that a “very reliable person that had no reason to lie to me” told me. This time she didn’t hesitate and with a subdued, cold, malevolence just said, “Who told you?”
It was now crimson.
She tried walking it back claiming she meant she wanted to know who it was so she could know who was trying to get between us, but what she said and more importantly how she said it meant there was no coming back. I knew. She admitted to it after a few more minutes having realized she outted herself, and after that we were through
Nothing.
I only heard it through others a few months after we broke up over other stuff. There were no signs, no sneaky behavior, no weird things overall.
Probably thats what made it the worst to deal with, the entire lack of signs.
His iPad was on the table in front of me - he was on a night out with customers (mutual customers) and planned to stay at his own house after as it was closer. I saw a girl fb msg pop up saying ‘yeh I’ll come meet you and stay at yours’ followed by her number
She dropped weight, started hiding her phone, started avoiding intimacy. Pretty normal stuff.
Her sister excitedly telling me that she was engaged.
I think the sister of this person’s girlfriend told him that the girlfriend was engaged to another person.
The usual: Getting home from work unusually late. Suddenly texting a LOT more than usual. Once enough sets of 2 and 2 showed up, I started putting them together. I even went as far as to ask her if there was anything she'd like to tell me. She acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. And I told her "Something's going on. And I'm gonna figure out what it is. It would probably be better if you just told me...". Still she persisted. A month or two later I found the evidence of her betrayal.
One of my exes did this. We'd moved to an island and to get to the mainland near his work he had to take a ferry. He suddenly started missing the ferry and would get home much later than normal. My daughter's boyfriend told my daughter that he was having s*x in his car with a female coworker.. My daughter told me.
I once found a used pregnancy test in the trash, we hadn’t had sex in several weeks. When asked she said she took it just to see how it worked…. Rightttttt, how ever my dumbass believed her, over the next few months she just became more and more distant untill we both just grew to dispise one another and that was that.
Walking in and seeing her face down in someone's lap
When my long distance girlfriend told me she wouldn’t be able to talk for a couple days because she was having dental surgery. Then I didn’t hear from her for two weeks.
The dude sent me a message from her phone that were breaking up. When she called ten minutes later she was all apologetic and didn't know he took her phone. The next day they were unseperable and after they broke up he started dating her mother (a f*****g roller coaster I know)
- Start picking fights over the stupidest s**t.
- Accuse you of cheating out of the blue or start going through your stuff looking for evidence of cheating with no real reason to believe so.
Used condoms and wrappers in their bin
I’m noticing This thread has an overwhelming majority of female cheater stories.
I’ve definitely noticed the communication changes.
Another one was after a concert I went out to the bar and danced and made out with a few different girls and got some phone numbers. 2/3 of them had boyfriends when I looked up their socials. Insaaaaane
Made out with a few different girls in one night? Don't know, man. Kinda sus behavior to me.
I was too stupid to see it. Too trusting and ignorant. If the guys wife hadn’t found out and told me, I probably still wouldn’t know.
She called me and asked for money to pay a fine she got while riding around with another guy smoking weed. I forgave you, Ariel. But f**k off.
She was saying his name while doing it🤮
“ Sleeping at a friends house” is a major red flag
The term "red flag" has been beaten so far into the ground lately. No it isn't lol
Her going to hang out with her friend to play Pokemon Go and skateboard. She was gone for 7 hours. I asked her how her game went. She said they didn't play the game. I asked her how skating went. She says they didn't skate. I asked what they did and she said I don't know... Just hung out. After a couple weeks she all of a sudden wanted to have sex every day. She was pregnant and trying to pass it off as I got her pregnant. The baby was born. I'm white, she's Hispanic, and the dude she hung out with was Hispanic. The baby came out looking completely Hispanic with no signs of being related to me. Before that happened the dude wouldn't even look me in the eye when I met him.
My guts told me before everything. Then matching me against this best friend of her, she was shady but I was so in love that I kinda deny it.
My gut. I tried to brush it off, but it was too strong.. i then "investigated," and yup! he cheated on me around 10x with one hooker and knew the dates and where. Knew about it this January.
Yes- We're still together.
Marriage and small kids kinda does that to you..
Daily triggers and trauma.
I'm just basically waiting either for this to go away... or me to pass away. Easiest way out.
Boot print on some paperwork on the ground of her passenger seat. Tried to say it was from her work shoes, shoes she was at the time. Prints did not match up. Turns out she was f*****g her manager at McDonald's.
In a very real way, aren't we all f*****g our manager at McDonald's?
Listening to a voicemail in the morning recorded at 3:17 AM where she's crying and tells me that she loves me and the wind in the background from her driving down the highway drunk as a skunk. There's only one place she was driving to that late at night lol. Pretty big red flag.
“So I f****d someone else”
Kinda gave it away
You must be a detective. I would have never put those pieces together.
When we met it was sex all the time it didn’t matter where we were. Then it slowed down I didn’t much of it and then it stopped. That’s when the we need space speech came which was funny because she was living with me lol. We went from cuddling with one hand on tit to me not even sleeping in the same bed with her. One morning I woke up and chose violence so I went through her phone like the weak b***h I was at that moment …😂 she didn’t even have the decency to delete the messages. I saw enough to kick the b***h out at 5am
What I learned from this article is I show all the signs of cheating but I am not. I like my phone face down bc if I can see the screen I tend to look at it even if it's not on and I don't like people, even my wife, using my phone to google bc....I look up weird stuff. Thought pops in my head and I google it.
Here's a fun one. She admitted it to me because she thought I'd find it sexy, though I think that was just an excuse to unburden herself of guilt without repercussions.Short story, she spent a big chunk of family savings to go "visit friends" across the country, which was actually true, except "visit" meant "have lesbian sex with." A couple months later she dropped the bomb like I should be turned on by it. I wasn't.
I was "the other guy"... and knew it. I kept a journal and their son (2) gave it to their dad because he wanted him to read him a story. It was basically about how uncomfortable I was with the situation and that even though he was abusive, I felt guilty because that wasn't who I was. They both knew I had feelings for her - I told them I was uncomfortable being the third wheel when they hung out because of it. They both separately told me that I was the buffer that kept them together (WTF!). She made a move on me one night and I didn't say no. It blew up and they separated. Because they had two young kids, she went back to him and got pregnant with their 3rd child. He abused her again and was abusive towards the kids and she left him for good. We got back together and raised our four kids - together 33 years, married 24 so far.
How does her kid get your journal to be able to take it to the dad?
Load More Replies... What I learned from this article is I show all the signs of cheating but I am not. I like my phone face down bc if I can see the screen I tend to look at it even if it's not on and I don't like people, even my wife, using my phone to google bc....I look up weird stuff. Thought pops in my head and I google it.
Here's a fun one. She admitted it to me because she thought I'd find it sexy, though I think that was just an excuse to unburden herself of guilt without repercussions.Short story, she spent a big chunk of family savings to go "visit friends" across the country, which was actually true, except "visit" meant "have lesbian sex with." A couple months later she dropped the bomb like I should be turned on by it. I wasn't.
I was "the other guy"... and knew it. I kept a journal and their son (2) gave it to their dad because he wanted him to read him a story. It was basically about how uncomfortable I was with the situation and that even though he was abusive, I felt guilty because that wasn't who I was. They both knew I had feelings for her - I told them I was uncomfortable being the third wheel when they hung out because of it. They both separately told me that I was the buffer that kept them together (WTF!). She made a move on me one night and I didn't say no. It blew up and they separated. Because they had two young kids, she went back to him and got pregnant with their 3rd child. He abused her again and was abusive towards the kids and she left him for good. We got back together and raised our four kids - together 33 years, married 24 so far.
How does her kid get your journal to be able to take it to the dad?
Load More Replies...