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25 Stories From Married People Who Wish They Were Single But Are Stuck With Spouses They Hate
Article created by: Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Why do so many people stay in loveless marriages? That’s a tough question. Marriage may start with a beautiful wedding, champagne toasts, and romantic date nights, but after a few years, the soundtrack of love is replaced by passive-aggressive sighs.
And yet, many people stay in this marriage purgatory. Not happily, not even tolerantly. Just there, like decorative pillows no one actually wants.
So, when one Redditor asked, “Why are you an ‘I hate my husband/wife’ person but still not divorced?” netizens overshared with brutal honesty. From financial traps to co-parenting logistics, the answers were a masterclass in modern marital entrapment.
More info: Reddit
- Read More: 30 Stories From Married People Who Wish They Were Single But Are Stuck With Spouses They Hate
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#1
Not in that situation, but I know several people that are. And the reality is simple; getting divorced doesn’t necessarily lead to the promised land. We (UK) live in a society where cost of living means most of us have to be in a relationship with two earners.
Good luck separating and finding a place to live, keep a car on the road and if there are kids in the picture, working out what that looks like.
We live in a fakely emancipated world.
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#2
When you have a disabled child, you need four hands on deck. She truly needs us both, so we are forced to make it work. She’s happy and that’s all we want.
#3
I couldn't afford to without pushing myself and my kids (and her) into poverty. As I got older, I started making more money and then could finally afford to divorce properly.
#4
For years it was because of my depression and untreated ADHD. I was miserable but frozen.
He’s also a hoarder and I let myself fall into those habits and the house is a disaster. I’m working to clean out the worst of the mess (at least the parts I can have some say in) and cut back on my personal belongings, so I can assess the state of the house and have it possibly be sellable. (I owned it before we got married.)
It feels like every time I get to some place I can start doing things, something knocks me back down. (e.g. me getting cancer, my mental health, him losing four jobs in two years and being home all the time, etc.) Sometimes it all seems incredibly overwhelming and I get frozen trying to start. I don’t really have a support network - my family is small and far away, and I don’t have any friends close enough to ask for the help I need. I have a good therapist though.
Ouch. I haven’t said any of this out loud in so long that I’m crying now and I haven’t been able to cry for a while. I’m so miserable and just feel so stuck.
#5
Child of this dynamic here.
My mother has told me verbatim: “I’m scared I’ll be alone, and never find happiness without him.” Note that she has never lived alone, and has always had a partner in her adult life. I’m much the same… Generational trauma? Except I don’t hate my partner.
My father is just… Not interested in change. He’s simply content to just be. To live in malcontent. He goes to work, he goes home, and in between they might talk. They tried counseling once, when I was very very young.
Mom describes her relationship with him as having a roommate she’s married to. She’s too scared of being alone to leave. No amount of children or dogs or career changes have made their relationship ‘work’ beyond being an (faulty) outlet for each other. Their ‘love’ is only what they share love for: the children, the pets, the people around them… but not each other.
She has asked me before if she thinks they still love each other and I’m always honest. I say I think they have a deep bond, made with years of parenting and living together; but I don’t feel any love between them.
They’re in a trap of their own making.
#6
Should have asked me that 5 years ago. I stayed around for the kids, thinking it was for the best. Learned otherwise eventually.
#7
I think some people don’t actually hate their spouses but have a hard time shifting perspectives or learning how to communicate or grow with eachother tbh. Work is required in marriages and some people don’t have the energy nor want to dig deep and make changes to be with someone.
#8
Posting from an alt so I can be honest:
I wouldn't say I hate my wife, but the dynamic has changed so much over our lives that she is unrecognizable from the person I fell in love with. She's retreated so much from the world and the home, that it's almost impossible to actually be her partner. Like, works, gets home, plays on her phone.
I'm not being hyperbolic when I say I do 90% of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, and home maintenence. This leads to a lot of stress and resentment on my end, but as much as she says she'll do better and help out, she doesn't. It gets better for a week and then back to the habits.
Why don't we divorce? Because I love her, and I love my family. I know she used to be better, and I guess I'm just hoping that one of these days we'll have a heart to heart and it'll stick? That the better for a week becomes just....better. But the heart to hearts just end up with me being angry anymore, because I know that it's just gonna go back to how it was in a week. An apology works once or twice, but 10 times? 20 times? A lifetime of apologies and then still not feeling heard or helped? I dunno. Guess I'm still just hopin.
#9
Gauging from my in-laws, they don't really hate each other. They hate how their lives turned out, their daily existence, and that the other person is both a reminder of the opportunities they disregarded while being with them, as well as a reminder of their own failure to create something more than what they have.
#10
My kids aren’t school age yet and I don’t make enough money for child care while I work. I don’t know how I’m going to figure it out. But I am miserable.
#11
Not me, but my parents. Money and old age keeps a lot of people together who don’t love/like each other.
#12
Hate is a strong word, but I've been in an unhappy marriage for 20 years. Stuck around for the kids, for our religion, a great number of reasons... but not each other.
We did 6+ months of couples therapy before I finally said I've had enough and asked for a divorce. Now everyone on Earth is questioning the decision, and my wife is acting like I blindsided her when I was upfront about this possibility multiple times throughout our therapy.
Divorce is hard. It's painful enough that I can see why people would stick to the known discomfort of their marriage rather than going through with it.
#13
Cultural ramifications could be one reason.
The country my parents were from, it is just something you didn't do. My uncle ended up getting divorced and his father disowned him for it
My parents also really should have divorced** but never did, even after telling them that I wouldn't judge them if they did since no one was happy lol
Edit: fixed the typo 'survived' into 'divorced'.
#14
Conflict avoidance is your answer, plain and simple. I was raised in such family but came to overgrown that toxic relationship.
#16
I love my kids more than I hate my wife. Our relationship isn't toxic, she actually seems to care for me a bit still, but I just don't feel like I can depend on her for anything and I can't stand talking to her. That's a big deal to me because I always imagined a wife as a best friend who'd help me and who I'd help achieve whatever it is we wanted to do or be. That being said, we don't fight, we're just not close, and after years of marriage counseling I'm certain we're not going to be close.
If I have to endure that to see my kids everyday I will. That might be selfish of me, but they really are just the absolute coolest things I've ever experienced and it kills me to imagine missing any more of them than work already takes away.
#18
A lot of time it's about split finances. Like my mother-in-law kinda hates my father-in-law. But she wouldn't be able to afford To live if she wasn't in a relationship with her husband.
Is same with my aunt. If she could realistically afford to leave my uncle and know he wouldn't be destitute. She probably would.
I don't think my dad is loved either of his wives. I think he married my mom or a green card and was just gonna stick it out. Until things got real bad between them because my mom's a psycho.
And I think he married my stepmom cause he got her pregnant. She is also a psycho, But she is at least a 1000 times more competent than my mom at every basic life skill.
He absolutely stays with her because she handles basically everything for them.
I don't think my stepmother is happy. But that's because she has so much childhood truma going on be kinda hard to think anyone could make her happy.
And my dad rather have her handle everything in his life then find happiness.
#19
I was one. A consultant gave me a technical name for my problem. it was you feel responsible for the partner who you think needs you to protect her. I can't remember the technical term. I was living with a demon.
#20
My sister is staying for the kid, but she doesn't delude herself it's for the kid's sake, she knows it's because she doesn't want to give up any time with them and miss out on half their life. She only has the one, and won't be having another.
I think eventually they'll break, neither of them is happy and nothing will change. But I can understand why she doesn't want him out of the house. Even if they split time with the kid weekly and live around the corner from each other, she's still gonna miss stuff.
#22
I grew up on a lower economic rung and for me. Financial security > happiness.
Also I'm married to an adult that never learned to support themselves. In my jurisdiction that means alimony. They have some money but it's all from an inheritance, but that wouldn't soften the financial blow on my end and the money probably won't last very long. I was in the hospital for a week once and the only reason why all the money in their accounts wasn't scammed was because they hadn't/couldn't set up Zelle.
TLDR, fear, sense of responsibility, laziness (in that order).
#23
I don’t hate my spouse but I don’t love her like I used to. She has severe anxiety and is very combative about everything. Even something as simple as going out to the store or a walk becomes a debate. Eating “normal” food? Forget about it. Lighting off sparklers for our son and other children at our 4th of July party was a hurdle for her. It’s exhausting and miserable to put up with day after day.
#25
Wife would take (kidnap) my daughter to Japan, her birth country, and I would have no way to get my kid back because of the wonderful laws and government of Japan.
Happened a lot to french fathers (I'm from France).
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