Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
30 Times Someone Said No To Friends’ And Relatives’ Babysitting Demands In The Wittiest Way
Interview With Expert
You know, I just realized - in my entire life, I’ve never been asked to babysit for someone - be it friends or relatives. No, not because I don't have the relevant experience - having three kids almost inevitably gives you this experience. It's just that people apparently understand that asking a dad of 3 to babysit is just a bad joke. Or, maybe I was just lucky with my surroundings...
Well, other people - those who are not as lucky as me - sooner or later have to come up with a variety of excuses to avoid babysitting. Some fail, while others find the right words or actions. So, today's selection of stories is dedicated to just these excuses.
More info: Reddit
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
"If you dump your child on me without my expressed consent, they're going to learn every curse word I know, that Santa isn't real, and your religion is a lie. Ask yourself if it's worth it.".
WindySwede 3 months ago
Theist indoctrinated kids when they realise that they don't have to keep slaves, and can use fabrics with mixed fibers without being s****d to death: 660573_ice...ikachu.jpg 
RELATED:
#2
I've always wanted to use "thank you, but I'm not hungry" when offered a kid.
#3
Came home from a very long shift at personal assistant job, something between 1-2 AM. An ex-friend called me jusr right after I had gotten to bed. She thought, that she can drop her 6 months old baby to me and go clubbing. Blocked her.
Yes, it should be noted that the thread, a selection of stories we offer for your attention today, originally appeared in the Reddit Childfree community when the user u/Relative_Law2237 asked people: "Your favorite way you refused to babysit a child?", then started with their own story.
Yes, no one actually says that babysitting is bad - but only if everything happens by mutual consent. Unfortunately, parents, often tired of all this mess, literally pounce on every relative or friend who was careless enough to show up for them, and simply impose this option on them. In this case, these excuses come into play...
#4
I tell them my house is not childproof and that I have adult art on my walls. I then let them know if children are left on my doorstep, I will call CPS. Folks smartened up real quick.
Tara L. 3 months ago
A neighbor tried to do a drop & run on me, she knocked & as soon as i answered she walked off yelling "I'll only be an hour! Thanks!" I loudly told her kid "mommy is going to go get your new puppy" She was so pissed, marched back & grabbed her kid & left after calling me names. She never pulled that again.
#5
I get out in front of it and tell them “just so you know, I don’t babysit” while they are still pregnant lol.
ILoveMySon 3 months ago (edited)
My dear friend said, "I don't watch babies, I will watch him when he is old enough to fend for himself". I was fine with it, of course. She has been terrific to him; she just doesn't like caring for babies.
#6
Tell them you just joined a really fun cult and you need to practice converting kids.
Someone begins to refuse after several sessions of taking care of others’ kids, and someone - apparently taught by some bitter experience, warns the pregnant relative or friend in advance that they shouldn’t be counted on as a free nanny.
Very often, these situations lead to absolutely ridiculous and absurd stories, worthy of a good sitcom. So, perhaps, one day this collection of three dozen stories will be found by some Hollywood producer - and they’ll decide to film it. However, your attention will be quite enough for us.
#7
I was doing an internship that was very involved. When I went to work in their town I stayed in the house.
A few years in they informed me they were having a baby(a little surprise as they were in their mid forties and this was their first). I’m sure they thought I would be there as a babysitter, as in my work with them at clinics and children were present, the children were drawn to me, and I’m really good with kids.
Without hesitation I stated, “My babysitting rate is $325 an hour.” They thought I was joking and laughed. I said, “I’m dead serious. If you need me to watch the child it will cost you.”
They never asked, until when the kid was about 4 they realized that they both booked flights that overlapped and they had no one to stay with the kid. OVER NIGHT! The kid adored me and we got along fine, but my rate stood.
Not my circus and sure as hell not my monkey. I’ve been responsible and careful not to become pregnant, because I’m not looking to be responsible for another human, especially a young one.
#8
Not babysitting exactly but when I was in my late teens or early twenties it was a holiday family gathering and my auntie tried to hand me one of the new babies and I just said "oh my goodness no thank you".
#9
"I've k****d cacti before, I'm not qualified to take care of any biological living thing".
Why do parents try to impose free babysitting on someone? Well, firstly, because they often just don’t have enough money to hire a good nanny, and they don’t want to trust the child to some random person - even if they're a paid person.
Secondly - and this is no less important - parents believe that a relative will be much more attentive to their kids than a random person, and that a good attitude toward the parents automatically means a desire to take care of their offspring. In the first case, they are most often right. In the second - they're absolutely wrong.
#10
I've had this happen a few times specifically with my SIL who can't stand that I chose not to have a kid and am living regret free while she has to deal with a needy annoying toddler that she wants nothing to do with.
Here are a few I can remember where I was just expected to babysit:
1. SIL walks towards me sitting on a cough at a family gathering, smiles widely and pushes her baby into my lap before running off, I immediately place the baby on the cough and move away, SIL loudly complains that she needs a 'break' to go swimming, I tell her find someone else who actually wants to hold her baby instead of forcing the kid onto someone. I get glares and dirty looks from other family members but no one offers to take the kid. I leave the gathering soon after because I'm ignored and treated like garbage because I refused to hold a baby.
2. My mother suddenly got a 'sore back' from holding my brother's 2 year old toddler, she tries to make me hold the kid so she can sit down, I walk away as the kid starts squirming and screaming, my brother quickly takes the kid before telling me I'm an awful aunty and a terrible person for not wanting to help with his kid.
3. Went to a restaurant for a family member's birthday, the toddler was plonked beside me by SIL who told the kid that they can play with me instead. The kid immediately erupts into a series of loud screaming crying, SIL is long gone down the other end of the table laughing and drinking.
I simply get up and move down several chairs.
My brother then asks SIL where the kid is SIL shrugs and waves my brother away, toddler is still crying loudly and my brother begrudgingly sits beside the kid while others take their seats.
#11
I’ve told them “I’m sorry, I can’t, the stress is bad for the baby”. They got confused and excited while looking at my stomach, and asked “what baby?” So satisfying when I got to tell them “ME! I’m the baby!” and just walk away.
#12
I just state that I will be paid in full in advance and that my going rate is non negotiable. It used to be $35 per hour, per child. With the current economy it is now $100 per child. For every child above 2 children there is a 50 dollar additional surcharge. For children under 8, the starting hourly rate is 125 per hour. If the expected hours of babysitting extend beyond midnight the hourly rate doubles.
Sitting services are done in the home of the child/ren's owner. The fee does not include housecleaning, chores etc beyond making sure the children are fed.
If anyone is foolish or desperate enough to comply with that, I'll take their money.
"You shouldn't expect your friends or relatives to be happy to babysit your children - just because it's one thing to have a good time with you, and quite another to shoulder the responsibility of a small child,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment here.
"No, they may be afraid to refuse you so as not to offend you - but then you still need to understand that a friend or relative (especially if they don't have their own parenting experience) is often worse than a professional nanny. So just build your expectations based on this.”
"In any case, parenting is a choice of two people, the child's parents. And the responsibility, of course, of these two only. So if you have some voluntarily involved persons around you - it’s a true blessing. If you are refused - just take it calmly, and don’t let it ruin your friendship,” Irina sums up.
#13
My aunt "offered" to pay for travel expenses for all three of us kids *(my brothers and I)* to come down to LA to visit her... one at a time... for two weeks each. We were about 14 at the time, and we put 2 and 2 together and realized she just wanted us to go down there to babysit her nephew *(our cousin)* under the guise of "just visiting family". None of us were keen on babysitting and especially not that demon child so we just conveniently scheduled doctor's appointments for ourselves in the timeframe she wanted us down there so we could say "sorry, I've already got plans".
#14
Fav excuse- "sorry, my backs acting up." I love my "nieces and nephews" but I'm neuro spicy, an introvert, and have a c**p load of physical issues. "Here, hold this!" Hands me a baby. Teen walks up and takes baby immediately. "Thanks kiddo!!❤️"
The kids are actually great about accommodating my issues and we get along great, the grown ups on the other hand...
Me- gets emotionally manipulated into a family party- cue anxiety attack. One of the kids walk up "want me to cover for you while you hide?" "Yes please. Pick a bribe and let me know what you want when I get back 😉.".
#15
I simply don't uncross my arms or remove my hands from my pockets etc, there's nowhere for it to go and they tire of holding it up infront of me very quickly lol.
Riley Quinn 3 months ago
Yep, just like I commented earlier. Just stand stock still with arms dangling at your side. Eventually the parent will leave and find another they can sucker into holding their spawn.
Interestingly, various sources even offer polite options and reasons to refuse babysitting for someone. For example, this dedicated article at Kidsit offers the following excuses:
- you aren't getting paid;
- you don’t have the time;
- you’re not comfortable watching infants;
- you are tired or ill;
- you just don’t want to.
The authors of this article are confident that these reasons - if said at the right time, should work. Well, if not - three dozen of our witty stories are at your complete disposal too!
#16
Being too irresponsible for anyone to ask.
#17
My cats are rescue cats who were dumped bc they 'couldn't get along with children'. That is enough info for parents to not come over to my place with their kids. The impression I have is that kids scare them, maybe it's just the way they behave (if a large predator comes running towards you while screaming you would freak out), or maybe children hurt them in the past.
#18
Not so much refusing, as setting precedent.
When my friends started having kids, I told them that if called me for babysitting, I would do what I could, drop whatever, and get over there.
Because, if you're calling me, things have gone very sideways for you. You have worked through everyone else and you are finally calling me to help out with this emergency.
Never did get a call.
Also helped that I was traveling a lot for work when a lot of them were young.
In any case, we do think that it will be interesting to read this selection of tales from different people - after all, in the end, they all turned out to be efficient. Well, if you have your own experience of shirking the imposed role of a nanny for babies - please feel free to share it in the comments below.
#19
I actually was asked so often by a fellow years ago that I finally said yes - and gave them the kids back on their biggest sugar high ever. was never asked again.
Tom Hutcherson 3 months ago
While sugar can cause a temporary increase in blood sugar levels, this effect is typically short-lived and does not lead to sustained hyperactivity or changes in behavior. Studies have shown that there is no significant difference in hyperactivity levels between children who consume sugar and those who do not.
#20
I've never been asked to babysit. The glorious benefit of having good boundaries that I don't let up for anyone. .
#21
I've made it known for decades that I'm happy to help babysit, they just need to arrange for a responsible adult to be there too.
Everyone knows my short fuse and shorter attention span, and how likely I am to wander off into something filthy and/or dangerous. .
#22
“Sure, But I hope your cool with all my pain meds placed out, since ya know i need easy access to them.
“Oh and if they run in the other room while im sitting my disabled a*s on my couch with my heating pads i will not be held accountable or responsible for any owies obtained. And if im hurting MAN! Do I cuss like a sailor! “
Them: Uh…Never Mind I’ll Just Get A Sitter Online.
#23
I had my roomate who had COVID a couple weeks before text me a picture of her positive test 😂.
#24
“I’m tired from working my full-time job” 🤷🏻♀️.
#25
My preferred response when asked if I want to watch or hold a child is almost always “Oh I would it’s just that I don’t want to.. at all.”.
#26
I went out all the time so i couldn’t be asked to do it. 🥰
you can’t force me if you can’t find me lmfao.
#27
“Hey I know we barely know each other but I need someone to watch my son.”
“No. I don’t babysit. And I’m no longer interested in friendship.”.
#28
I just tell them I'll happily help when they don't need my help to go to the bathroom.
Joey Marlin 3 months ago
I'd prefer to wait until they can stand a round of drinks in the pub!
#29
I told my sister once I recently started practicing cannibalism.
She did not find it funny, but she got the message.
#30
Haha! I'm the same way. "Hey kid 👋" then I go back to my life. If you've seen one kid, you've seen them all! Like their kid is anything special. 🙄 Unless that kid is building a time machine and is inviting me to go back in my past so my future self becomes a billionaire, I'm not interested in kids.
KatSaidWhat 3 months ago
My problem with changing my past is that I would be living a very boring life, probably a divorced alkie who also mistreats her kids as that might be genetic. Now I can be an alkie without responsibilities 😆
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Rick Murray 3 months ago
I was asked once. "So let me get this straight, you want to leave a seven year old girl prone to leakage in the care of a nineteen year old introvert man she doesn't know and who has the attention span of a walnut and may well just forget she's even there? You want to go and think about that a little bit more, huh?". They pushed her into my arms and fled, so I guess things had really gotten messed up in their lives. She ran into the kitchen, crawled into the corner, peed, and cried her eyes out. I actually felt kind of bad for her, so I coaxed her out with chocolate and taught her how to play chess until she fell asleep. I didn't clean her up because I'm not getting involved in undressing little girls I don't know. Mother came back the next morning looking absolutely done with life, thanked me, and stumbled so much I walked them both home. Never saw the father again. I dunno. But every once in a while the girl stopped by after school to play chess, which was actually not unpleasant.
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
"Sorry, that's the night we do the sacrifice." "Of a living being" "Yup". We did too. Watermelon on the porch.
Ace 3 months ago (edited)
I just realised that I've managed to get through my whole life without once, ever, having held a baby. I was never geographically close to any of them during the years that friends and relatives were spawning, but did still see them quite often. I think I must just give off "I don't know how to hold a baby and might damage it" vibes or something.
Rick Murray 3 months ago
I was asked once. "So let me get this straight, you want to leave a seven year old girl prone to leakage in the care of a nineteen year old introvert man she doesn't know and who has the attention span of a walnut and may well just forget she's even there? You want to go and think about that a little bit more, huh?". They pushed her into my arms and fled, so I guess things had really gotten messed up in their lives. She ran into the kitchen, crawled into the corner, peed, and cried her eyes out. I actually felt kind of bad for her, so I coaxed her out with chocolate and taught her how to play chess until she fell asleep. I didn't clean her up because I'm not getting involved in undressing little girls I don't know. Mother came back the next morning looking absolutely done with life, thanked me, and stumbled so much I walked them both home. Never saw the father again. I dunno. But every once in a while the girl stopped by after school to play chess, which was actually not unpleasant.
Lee Gilliland 3 months ago
"Sorry, that's the night we do the sacrifice." "Of a living being" "Yup". We did too. Watermelon on the porch.
Ace 3 months ago (edited)
I just realised that I've managed to get through my whole life without once, ever, having held a baby. I was never geographically close to any of them during the years that friends and relatives were spawning, but did still see them quite often. I think I must just give off "I don't know how to hold a baby and might damage it" vibes or something.
You May Like 58 Times Parents Turned Their Crazy Moments Into Funny Tweets This November “Because I Was Born Male”: 36 Cases Where Parents Dislike Or Actually Hate Their Kids Someone Asks Parents If They Regret Having Kids And These 40 Say Yes And Share Why
Evelina Šiukšterytė
Dominyka Proškėnaitė
Shelly Fourer
Related on Bored Panda
