40 People Reveal Their Biggest Secrets They Will Probably Never Say Out Loud
Pssst, Pandas, over here. Come closer. Did anyone follow you? Are you sure? All right, we’ve got a secret to share with you… everyone has secrets. And be careful of the ones that pretend they don’t because they’re incredible liars. Either that or they're literal saints.
Some of the things that we keep from others might be trivial (I took the last chocolate cupcake from the office kitchen), but others… well, they’re dark, dreary, and reveal some of the worst aspects of humankind. Make no mistake, some of these have the potential to break apart families and relationships. Meanwhile, revealing other secrets might put their keepers in danger.
Scroll down for the biggest secrets that people are currently keeping, as shared by the folks over on r/AskReddit in these two viral threads. Upvote the posts that you think everyone else should read. And when you’re done, why not get it all off your chest and reveal your own secrets in the comments? We promise we won’t tell anyone.
Bored Panda got in touch with dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, to have a chat about secrecy, privacy, and trust in relationships. Read on for his excellent insights.
When I finish typing this I'm going to get up and pack my things and leave this mother f**ker.
“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” dating expert Dan, who created The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda the difference between privacy and secrecy.
The expert pointed out that privacy isn’t a problem when both people in the relationship are emotionally independent. If they’re both confident, happy, and emotionally in control “regardless of what the other person says or does,” they’re likely to be fine with giving each other space. However, that’s not the case when the person is emotionally dependent, aka needy.
“They will struggle to give the other person enough privacy because they need the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis,” Dan explained.
“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” he told us.
i let my cousin win when I play smash bros with her and she always gets really happy when she wins.
lately, she’s been letting me win instead and I love seeing her smile when I win.
“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”
Sometimes, complete honesty about one’s past isn’t healthy for new relationships. At times, it’s best to be discrete about certain unsavory things you might have done in past relationships if you’ve now learned your lesson. “In a relationship between two people, it's not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything because sometimes past truths can ruin the current relationship,” Dan stressed.
My buddy and his wife are expecting their second kid. He got really drunk one night and told me the news with the biggest smile on his face. I'm the only one who knows right now. My happy, wholesome little secret.
My coworker is going to re-propose to his wife next month on vacation with a new ring and then (re)marry her on the beach. He's a total hardass, non-emotional type, but he was so giddy when he told me. She doesn't know, of course.
I’m in a grad program. I’m pretty close with three people in my cohort. One of the guys in our little group has been acting weird this semester. I got him to tell me what’s wrong.
He told me he has cancer and will most likely die within a year. He asked me not to tell anyone. The other two friends in my group just think he’s going on medical leave and will be returning. They think it’s because he’s depressed since he didn’t specify exactly what was wrong. They have no idea that they may never see him again.
I want to tell them, but he asked me not to... I feel awful about it.
“For example: A guy cheated on his previous ex-girlfriend of several years, even though she treated him well. He felt bad about doing it, learned from the experience, and personally vowed to never cheat again. From that day onward, he never cheated on a girlfriend again.”
He continued: “He could tell his current girlfriend about his mistake of cheating on a good girlfriend and she may be fine about it, but she might also develop an insecurity and begin to worry that he would cheat on her if given the chance to.” This could lead to the partner becoming more possessive, controlling, and needy. That, in turn, would cause a lot of stress for both people, and it could lead to a breakup in the future.
“So, by not telling her, he gives both himself and her a clean slate in the relationship. Additionally, it’s likely that she had also cheated on a previous boyfriend at some point in her life and if she were to tell him about that, it could cause him to become insecure too. Both of them are keeping a secret, but in this case, it might actually help the relationship, rather than hurt it,” the founder of The Modern Man explained to us that secrecy can, paradoxically, help relationships in some cases.
My daughter's pet Beta Fish, Pinky, is not the original Pinky. In fact, this is Pinky #9.
I really do care about it that much but I'm 29 and still a virgin.
I was raised super religious so dating was out of question. I started losing my faith when I was 23 ( another secret.) I feel like I'm so far behind when it come to dating that I never really found the courage to even ask anyone out.
That the scars on my arm are from my cat. I can't believe that my parents bought the idea that the five parallel white scars are from my cat.
Not every secret is bad, of course. Someone might be planning a surprise party for you. Or they did a good deed and simply don’t like to brag. However, it’s usually saucy and dramatic secrets that get people’s attention.
Not all secrets are made equal, though. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy, you see. Just because someone’s in a committed relationship or part of a close-knit family, doesn’t mean that you have to communicate every single thought and action with them. That would be exhausting. And, let’s be frank, unnecessary—not everything we do warrants blogging about.
During an earlier interview, Bored Panda spoke to relationship coach Alex Scot. She stressed that transparency is vital in relationships, especially familial and romantic ones. We should try to live by the Golden Rule when it comes to openness: if we’d like others to be honest with us, we must strive to do the same. What’s more, we ought to imagine ourselves in the shoes of the people whose lives might be affected by our secrets.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the relationship expert explained to Bored Panda that openness is best.
I've relapsed with my anorexia.
I ate 626 calories today and burned 394.
I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow because I've convinced everyone I'm tired, bruising easily, and having joint pain because I might have Lyme again, but deep inside I know it is probably my body struggling to stay alive. Doctors told me if I relapsed as bad as I was, my body probably wouldn't be able to handle it again. I have a resting heartrate in the low 50s currently, and it my heartrate drops as low as 40 randomly during the day. I feel like I'm going to pass out nearly every time I stand up. Burning off those calories tonight, I was literally doubled over, gasping for air, hands on my knees trying to not fall as the ground seemed to keep rushing up to my face, covered in growing black spots.
I know I've relapsed. I know this could kill me. But it's not enough for me to overcome the messed up part of my brain that says "at least you'll die thinner."
My parents don’t know I’m gay. If they found out I’d end up homeless.
That I still get cravings for methamphetamine occasionally and have to fight them or else have a relapse.
Currently finishing up my thesis in electrical engineering Masters, so it would be REALLY inconvenient to become a meth-head again.
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place." In other words, if you feel ashamed about keeping something to yourself, that might be an indication that this is a secret worth confessing.
Everyone makes mistakes. Though the size of these stumbles might be different in every relationship. You’ll probably agree that someone forgetting to do the dishes or eating chocolates in the backyard when they should be on a diet isn’t the same as someone flirting with strangers or holding someone else’s hand.
Relationship expert Alex stressed that rebuilding trust in relationships is always challenging. Once broken, that trust doesn’t automatically reappear.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
My boyfriend has no idea how expensive his Christmas present was. He loved the experience so much and it made me so happy to do it with him, but coming from a wealthy family even if he knew he wouldn't understand how much it was for me. I saved all my extra income for 5 months to be able to pay for it and get normal presents for my family, but I know he wouldn't even blink about spending that much on me on just a whim. I am glad he appreciated it even if he doesn't know what effort went towards it!
My family doesn’t know I walked out of my job nearly four weeks ago. I had two solid interviews that fell through afterwards and I’m still looking. I think I’ll get a call back after the job interview I had today. I’m too embarrassed to tell them because I don’t want anymore financial help from them. I’m late on rent and broke. The last time I went to my mom’s house I stole a couple rolls of toilet paper...
My depression hasn’t actually gotten any better and if anything has gotten worse. I felt so f*****g guilty any time I’d talk to one of my friends about the way I feel, and I couldn’t take it anymore. So now they all think I’m doing a lot better and I don’t know what to do with myself
Edit: I should also mention I lost my job at the start of the year and due to that no longer have money or insurance and can’t afford therapy or my prescription anymore. Thanks for all the advice and well wishes
My buddy is planning on leaving his wife, mostly because he found out that his kid isn't actually his, and he suspects the one she's pregnant with isn't either.
I haven't let a photo of myself be taken in years because I gained a bunch of weight. So people that haven't seen me in years still think I'm thin. I've actually lost 23 pounds and I can't be excited and tell anyone I haven't seen in a long time because then they'll know I was fat.
That, even though I'm still quite young, I've been in two pretty abusive relationships. I love my current boyfriend more than words can describe and I'm so lucky to have him but I sometimes catch myself falling back into old habits when I'm around him (apologizing way too much for even the smallest things, frequently asking if he's okay, not eating properly for days because I have phases in which I just feel ugly, flinching when he touches me unexpectedly etc.). I will tell him eventually because he deserves to know but I'm just not ready yet and I want to work on myself first so I'm not too much of a burden to him.
I haven't been able to feel genuine happiness for about half a year now, only stress, sadness and anger. It's driving me crazy.
I'm trans & I'm starting HRT on Jan 2.
No one knows this yet but my husband & 3 of my close friends.
My family is near 100% unlikely to be cool about this and I was looking forward to having one last birthday/Christmas with them where they didn't know/reject me yet, but I got a virus on my birthday and now I'm way too sick to get on a plane.
So essentially my last Christmas with a family that loves me got straight up cancelled. I'm super bummed, but way too sick & tired to have a nervous breakdown about it, so I've got that going for me at least.
I suspect that my conversations with a friend is being sent to my ex, who is trying to bring me down, and I’ve started to spread false information to that “friend“ to truly see if my text messages is being leaked
I threw away the onion powder in our spice cabinet because I hate onion powder. My husband asked me "Where's the onion powder?" I told him it's here somewhere.
I'm bisexual. Nothing bad will happen if I say, but I don't want to risk that either. My mom would probably tell me just to grow out of it. (I'm 26)
I also live with a "second" family and the "mom" has expressed that bisexuals just need to "make up their minds because you can't be attracted to both, that's just stupid"
That was fun to sit through....
My high school best friend was gay, and sleeping with a man that was 15 years older, had a wife and four kids, and was in the leadership of the local church for most of high school and awhile after.
I just graduated from college and now I’m really depressed. I’m supposed to be looking for a job right now but all I want to do is sleep.
My friends all think that I'm a virgin but a few months ago I got Grindr because I thought I was bisexual and thought that it couldn't hurt just to check things out.
Anyway, end of Feburary or beginning of March I met up with a guy and did the things that people do when they meet on an app specifically designed for hooking up, this went on for about 2-3 weeks until I felt slutty and ashamed, deleted the app, and never told anyone about it.
It's been a few months and I found out that most all of my close friends have had sex except for one (who is currently in a relationship) which means that, two everyone else, we are the only two virgins. The thing that sucks about this is that my friends keep making virgin jokes, such as me becoming a 40 year old virgin. This sucks not only because name calling is shit but because I pride myself on being a very honest person and having to constantly lie to them makes me feel like I'm betraying them.
It's sort of been eating me up inside and but in the end I would rather be seen as the last virgin in the group than as the only gay guy, probably because I'm pretty much 90% straight.
If this reads like shit it's because it's a sensitive subject for me and I wrote it at 12:30 in the morning and I have had a pretty long day.
My wife and I have been very rocky lately. We are trying to recover from a separation.
Anyway, she told me a few weeks ago about a story where when her Grandfather passed, her Grandmother took the grandkids on a vacation to Disney world. My wife bought a watch with Mickey on it and even showed me what it looked like online.
My wife was very close with her Grandfather and connected the watch with him.
My wife had a Strawberry Shortcake jewlery box she kept the watch in. And one day she forgot to put I back, and the watch was lost. She never found it.
Well I found the watch online and a wooden jewlery box. I had the box engraved with a picture of Strawberry Shortcake and a saying from her Grandfather. And inside is the watch.
Literally, 30-something years later she gets the watch back. I truly hope she loves it.
Edit: For clarification purposes, my wife and I are both females and we live in USA.
I wanted to thank every single person who commented on this post and glorified me with internet karma! I am trying to be patient and not give her the gift, but I have been holding on to it for at least 3 weeks now. The one bonus of having an apartment from the separation is a prime place to hide presents! I will definitely give an update after she opens it.
Also, bonus to the story: My wife truly believes and supports local businesses, so I made it a point to try and find local places for as many of the parts and pieces as I could for this gift. I went to the local Irish store and told the woman I am looking for a jewelry box to hopefully hold a watch. The lady told me about how she recently received some small wooden boxes from another store that closed. She thought she was getting 5 little boxes, but she receives 5 palettes of little boxes. The shop owner told me "I was blessed with the boxes and now you are blessed, too" and she gave it to me for free. I can't wait to tell that part of the story, too!
Rachel and Mark are hooking up and nobody else in the department knows except me.
Edit: This isn't a reference to a television show.
I went on a girls trip last summer with my best friend, and she cheated on her boyfriend. She immediately regretted it and is still with her boyfriend but I've never told anyone.
That I was a kleptomaniac. Sometimes I still feel the urge to steal something but now I can stop myself.
I don’t feel an emotional connection to any of my friends or family.
I've found out my sister has had a baby and not told anyone in my family, she doesn't know I found out.
My girlfriend of three years just broke up with me right after Thanksgiving. My parents expected her to come visit for the holidays but I told them that she is spending Christmas with her family this year.
That despite being really really happy and satisfied in my current relationship, I still have feelings for my ex. The worst part is that my current GF is really awesome and I love spending time with her but I’m scared that my feelings for my ex are keeping me from fully committing.
That I’ve been hallucinating, I don’t really know why I’ve talked to some people over the internet about it and they said it could be because of my anti-depressants but it started before I started taking it. If it is my meds I don’t want to be taken off of them since hallucinations are a sign of overdose. I have an IEP in school and will be starting college soon something that my family is worried about the idea of me going to college. The hallucinations are getting worse and I’m afraid that if I tell a therapist they’ll tell my family. It’s one of my biggest fears is losing touch with reality. The reason I take a high dose of antidepressants is that my depression was getting worse and the doctor recommended it. I just want to go back to normal.
I have an chronic illness and I'm making myself worse by staying in the workforce. It will not get better. But I get so much of my identity from my career that I just can't leave it yet. I have a lot of self judgment, which I would hold against absolutely no one else.
That I’m SO lonely after moving to a new city for a girlfriend who broke up me 2 weeks ago. Gotta put on that brave face.
I was sexually assaulted as a high schooler and still blame myself.
I joke a lot to family and friends but I’m genuinely worried about my alcohol consumption. I want to say I’m in like a pre-alcoholic state. I’m in the Military but I enjoyed drinking even before I joined. I drink on average either 10-15 beers or 3-4 glasses of straight fireball (which is about 3/4 of a liter). And that is every single day. 7 days a week. Before the night starts to come I’m always wondering if I have enough alcohol and plan accordingly. I do everything I need to do in my job and personal life (Girlfriend, Family, ETC). But, I like drinking more than I have a desire to stop. And I’m not sure where that’s going to lead me.
My friend's sexual assault. She knows what happened to her was wrong, but doesn't want it to get out and would rather simply go to therapy then also pressing charges. She doesn't want it getting out so I have to keep this dark secret no matter how much I want that a*****e to rot in jail
I actually look halfway decent/am pretty fit for a guy who's 40. Years of being a fat kid/fat 20something still has me stuck on the self-image that I'm still a fatty. I've had people wonder dumbfounded at how I'm still single. It's because in truth I have all the confidence and game of a little fat boy when it comes to any situation where I might be into someone, in a flirty situation, that kind of thing. I have no problem talking to anyone unless it's someone I don't know that I start to admire from a distance. Then suddenly if they try speaking to me I'm just like "...……….."
That the operations manager at my work who is a c**t to the core (her name is actually Karen, shocker) is under investigation for several incidents that should hopefully get that snake canned. Also, I was the one in 10th grade that accidentally s**t my pants in class and those were my boxers in the trashcan in the bathroom.
My best friend and his girlfriend are into the idea of a MMF threesome. He's heteroflexible. I can not describe how strongly I want to be the second guy in that scenario because I'm totally into him and she's, like, model levels of gorgeous.
~~Ain't no way I'm telling him that.~~
Two years ago on Christmas Eve my mom & aunt got in a fist fight. An hour later my mom was still crying & unloading everything on her mind. She told me she was raped when she was 15. Literally had no idea what to say, just let her speak. Have not talked to anyone about this, but I think about it every day. My heart just hurts for her that she had to go through that.
Edit: Just to clear up some questions, no my mom wasn't drinking. She doesn't drink. I only mentioned that her & my aunt got into a fist fight because that's what triggered her emotions being so high and ultimately what led to her venting to me about and telling me she was raped.
Several months ago when I was home visiting family, she casually dropped that she had to go to therapy and would be back in an hour. Again we don't really talk about it, but I was happy she was seeing someone professionally.
I won a $10,000 scholarship to pay back school loans. I was told i was the top pick over hundreds of students.
But Bc i don't deal well with direct praise, my family doesn't and won't know.
I’m bulimic. Only my wife knows, and not to the fullest extent.
My best friend and I was falling in love. He had a brain tumor and he got surgery done but there was a low survival rate. I haven't told anyone about this, and a lot of people didnt even know of him. (He lived out of state but was my neighbor's cousin)
I really really like my best friend. She's just got out of a long term mentally abusive relationship. Now's not exactly the right time to say.
My grades have dropped dramatically since I went to college. Used to be an A student and now I'm barely getting C's in a lot of classes. I'm too ashamed to tell my parents. Also I keep thinking I should just drop out and give up on it altogether
I want to go see the therapist at my college for possible social anxiety, but I’m a minor for another six months. I need parental permission and can’t bring myself to ask my parents. They’ll most likely say yes, but my mom is so stressed with taking care of my two sick family members that I don’t want to put another weight on her
Well suppose I can't keep it to myself forever right. And for the record I know what I'm doing makes me (I should say us) a horrible person. My high school sweetheart of 5 years, we broke up back in 2012. A mutual breakup. We were madly in love together and still madly in love after the breakup. Our relationship is very f*cked let's put it that way. We did part ways until about 2017 until we started talking again.
However, the difference this time was is that she actually got married to someone else during that time. But her and I clicked together so well that we immediately started dating again. Yes, she's married and has a boyfriend (me). No, her husband is completely unaware. We're both perfectly aware what we're doing is wrong. We've both agreed to meet each other in hell when the time comes.
I had feelings for a man that was a year older than my dad.
I know I have to go back to college to get a better job so I can get a higher pay, but I’m so unmotivated to go back and do what I have to do. I’ve been wanting to explain that to my family and friends for so long, but I don’t know how to do that without them just brushing it off by saying I’m just being lazy.
I know a couple that broke up about a year ago. They still are friends though and work together and I'm not supposed to tell anyone they broke up. After this long I wonder if it's just a long, elaborate test of my loyalty
*guys the test part was a joke. They're not evil humans lol, just private
I told my best friend, who knows I'm in love with him, that I'm moving on and trying to find someone else. But really I don't know if I'll ever actually move on, I just don't want him to feel bad.
I have a boyfriend in another city. My family thinks that he's just a best friend of mine. We have been together for years now. Sadly I see him only a few times a year since I'm still only a teen and my parents don't know about our relationship. It's overwhelming at times and I feel quite upset we can't spend time with each other much, but it'll hopefully change soon when I have more power to do things I want!