40 People Reveal Their Biggest Secrets They Will Probably Never Say Out Loud
Pssst, Pandas, over here. Come closer. Did anyone follow you? Are you sure? All right, we’ve got a secret to share with you… everyone has secrets. And be careful of the ones that pretend they don’t because they’re incredible liars. Either that or they're literal saints.
Some of the things that we keep from others might be trivial (I took the last chocolate cupcake from the office kitchen), but others… well, they’re dark, dreary, and reveal some of the worst aspects of humankind. Make no mistake, some of these have the potential to break apart families and relationships. Meanwhile, revealing other secrets might put their keepers in danger.
Scroll down for the biggest secrets that people are currently keeping, as shared by the folks over on r/AskReddit in these two viral threads. Upvote the posts that you think everyone else should read. And when you’re done, why not get it all off your chest and reveal your own secrets in the comments? We promise we won’t tell anyone.
Bored Panda got in touch with dating expert Dan Bacon, the founder of The Modern Man, to have a chat about secrecy, privacy, and trust in relationships. Read on for his excellent insights.
This post may include affiliate links.
When I finish typing this I'm going to get up and pack my things and leave this mother f**ker.
If the person makes you as angry as you sound, then it may well be the right decision.
“In a relationship, secrecy is about keeping secrets from the other person, whereas privacy is when you are free from being observed or disturbed by the other person,” dating expert Dan, who created The Modern Man project, explained to Bored Panda the difference between privacy and secrecy.
The expert pointed out that privacy isn’t a problem when both people in the relationship are emotionally independent. If they’re both confident, happy, and emotionally in control “regardless of what the other person says or does,” they’re likely to be fine with giving each other space. However, that’s not the case when the person is emotionally dependent, aka needy.
“They will struggle to give the other person enough privacy because they need the other person’s attention to make themselves feel okay on a daily basis,” Dan explained.
“Each relationship is different in terms of secrecy and privacy, but for a relationship to work, both people need to fully trust each other and allow the other person to take responsibility for that trust on their own,” he told us.
i let my cousin win when I play smash bros with her and she always gets really happy when she wins.
lately, she’s been letting me win instead and I love seeing her smile when I win.
“In other words, there’s no need to continually remind the other person about being trustworthy, demand it, or sulk about it. Just give your trust to the other person and let them take care of it. If they break your trust, then that is their mistake. However, if you regularly demand that they be trustworthy and make them promise not to cheat or betray you, then that is your mistake.”
Sometimes, complete honesty about one’s past isn’t healthy for new relationships. At times, it’s best to be discrete about certain unsavory things you might have done in past relationships if you’ve now learned your lesson. “In a relationship between two people, it's not always necessary to tell the other person absolutely everything because sometimes past truths can ruin the current relationship,” Dan stressed.
My buddy and his wife are expecting their second kid. He got really drunk one night and told me the news with the biggest smile on his face. I'm the only one who knows right now. My happy, wholesome little secret.
My coworker is going to re-propose to his wife next month on vacation with a new ring and then (re)marry her on the beach. He's a total hardass, non-emotional type, but he was so giddy when he told me. She doesn't know, of course.
I’m in a grad program. I’m pretty close with three people in my cohort. One of the guys in our little group has been acting weird this semester. I got him to tell me what’s wrong.
He told me he has cancer and will most likely die within a year. He asked me not to tell anyone. The other two friends in my group just think he’s going on medical leave and will be returning. They think it’s because he’s depressed since he didn’t specify exactly what was wrong. They have no idea that they may never see him again.
I want to tell them, but he asked me not to... I feel awful about it.
Talk to him about it. He burdened you with his situation, which is understandable because perhaps he feels he has nobody else, but he can't drag you with him mentally.
“For example: A guy cheated on his previous ex-girlfriend of several years, even though she treated him well. He felt bad about doing it, learned from the experience, and personally vowed to never cheat again. From that day onward, he never cheated on a girlfriend again.”
He continued: “He could tell his current girlfriend about his mistake of cheating on a good girlfriend and she may be fine about it, but she might also develop an insecurity and begin to worry that he would cheat on her if given the chance to.” This could lead to the partner becoming more possessive, controlling, and needy. That, in turn, would cause a lot of stress for both people, and it could lead to a breakup in the future.
“So, by not telling her, he gives both himself and her a clean slate in the relationship. Additionally, it’s likely that she had also cheated on a previous boyfriend at some point in her life and if she were to tell him about that, it could cause him to become insecure too. Both of them are keeping a secret, but in this case, it might actually help the relationship, rather than hurt it,” the founder of The Modern Man explained to us that secrecy can, paradoxically, help relationships in some cases.
My daughter's pet Beta Fish, Pinky, is not the original Pinky. In fact, this is Pinky #9.
Well this one is not ideal for a couple of reasons... Firstly, a beta fish lives for 2-5 years if cared for properly. I don't think this child is 9x2 years old, so the fish probably live in unsuitable conditions and die way too young. Secondly, in my opinion, it's not a good idea to lie about death like this. Losing a pet is sad but it is an important life lesson about mortality and grief.
I really do care about it that much but I'm 29 and still a virgin.
I was raised super religious so dating was out of question. I started losing my faith when I was 23 ( another secret.) I feel like I'm so far behind when it come to dating that I never really found the courage to even ask anyone out.
Never too late to start. Or just stay single if you feel like it, that's fine too!
That the scars on my arm are from my cat. I can't believe that my parents bought the idea that the five parallel white scars are from my cat.
People will believe whatever is easier for them to believe. The thought of having someone you love harm themselves in any way is terrifying and hard to deal with.
Not every secret is bad, of course. Someone might be planning a surprise party for you. Or they did a good deed and simply don’t like to brag. However, it’s usually saucy and dramatic secrets that get people’s attention.
Not all secrets are made equal, though. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy, you see. Just because someone’s in a committed relationship or part of a close-knit family, doesn’t mean that you have to communicate every single thought and action with them. That would be exhausting. And, let’s be frank, unnecessary—not everything we do warrants blogging about.
During an earlier interview, Bored Panda spoke to relationship coach Alex Scot. She stressed that transparency is vital in relationships, especially familial and romantic ones. We should try to live by the Golden Rule when it comes to openness: if we’d like others to be honest with us, we must strive to do the same. What’s more, we ought to imagine ourselves in the shoes of the people whose lives might be affected by our secrets.
"If it can affect your partner or family, there absolutely should be transparency. Whenever in doubt, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and ask yourself what you would like if you were in their situation," the relationship expert explained to Bored Panda that openness is best.
I've relapsed with my anorexia.
I ate 626 calories today and burned 394.
I'm going to see a doctor tomorrow because I've convinced everyone I'm tired, bruising easily, and having joint pain because I might have Lyme again, but deep inside I know it is probably my body struggling to stay alive. Doctors told me if I relapsed as bad as I was, my body probably wouldn't be able to handle it again. I have a resting heartrate in the low 50s currently, and it my heartrate drops as low as 40 randomly during the day. I feel like I'm going to pass out nearly every time I stand up. Burning off those calories tonight, I was literally doubled over, gasping for air, hands on my knees trying to not fall as the ground seemed to keep rushing up to my face, covered in growing black spots.
I know I've relapsed. I know this could kill me. But it's not enough for me to overcome the messed up part of my brain that says "at least you'll die thinner."
As a person who has dealt with an eating disorder for over a decade now, bless their soul. It is not an easy battle.
My parents don’t know I’m gay. If they found out I’d end up homeless.
You might even be happier homeless, parents should love their kids, wether they are gay or not.
That I still get cravings for methamphetamine occasionally and have to fight them or else have a relapse.
Currently finishing up my thesis in electrical engineering Masters, so it would be REALLY inconvenient to become a meth-head again.
"If it wouldn’t impact them, then you have the option of keeping it to yourself. The difference between privacy and secrecy is that secrecy has a sense of shame, guilt, or knowing that your partner or family member wouldn’t be ok with whatever took place." In other words, if you feel ashamed about keeping something to yourself, that might be an indication that this is a secret worth confessing.
Everyone makes mistakes. Though the size of these stumbles might be different in every relationship. You’ll probably agree that someone forgetting to do the dishes or eating chocolates in the backyard when they should be on a diet isn’t the same as someone flirting with strangers or holding someone else’s hand.
Relationship expert Alex stressed that rebuilding trust in relationships is always challenging. Once broken, that trust doesn’t automatically reappear.
"For smaller offenses, it will take less time, but for larger offenses, be prepared to be overly transparent for a time and hire a therapist or coach to walk you through the process. Trust takes consistency to rebuild and consistency equals effort over time."
My boyfriend has no idea how expensive his Christmas present was. He loved the experience so much and it made me so happy to do it with him, but coming from a wealthy family even if he knew he wouldn't understand how much it was for me. I saved all my extra income for 5 months to be able to pay for it and get normal presents for my family, but I know he wouldn't even blink about spending that much on me on just a whim. I am glad he appreciated it even if he doesn't know what effort went towards it!
My family doesn’t know I walked out of my job nearly four weeks ago. I had two solid interviews that fell through afterwards and I’m still looking. I think I’ll get a call back after the job interview I had today. I’m too embarrassed to tell them because I don’t want anymore financial help from them. I’m late on rent and broke. The last time I went to my mom’s house I stole a couple rolls of toilet paper...
My depression hasn’t actually gotten any better and if anything has gotten worse. I felt so f*****g guilty any time I’d talk to one of my friends about the way I feel, and I couldn’t take it anymore. So now they all think I’m doing a lot better and I don’t know what to do with myself
Edit: I should also mention I lost my job at the start of the year and due to that no longer have money or insurance and can’t afford therapy or my prescription anymore. Thanks for all the advice and well wishes
I am always here for you. You can talk about your feelings to me and even though I may not have a solution I will still listen and do my best to comfort you. Same goes for all you pandas reading this
My buddy is planning on leaving his wife, mostly because he found out that his kid isn't actually his, and he suspects the one she's pregnant with isn't either.
I haven't let a photo of myself be taken in years because I gained a bunch of weight. So people that haven't seen me in years still think I'm thin. I've actually lost 23 pounds and I can't be excited and tell anyone I haven't seen in a long time because then they'll know I was fat.
I think the vast majority of people put on weight, (especially during the recent lockdowns) and it's nothing to be ashamed of. If they are good people, they will applaud you for losing 23 pounds and understand how easy it was to gain, during this topsy turvy period.
That, even though I'm still quite young, I've been in two pretty abusive relationships. I love my current boyfriend more than words can describe and I'm so lucky to have him but I sometimes catch myself falling back into old habits when I'm around him (apologizing way too much for even the smallest things, frequently asking if he's okay, not eating properly for days because I have phases in which I just feel ugly, flinching when he touches me unexpectedly etc.). I will tell him eventually because he deserves to know but I'm just not ready yet and I want to work on myself first so I'm not too much of a burden to him.
It took me years to tell my now-husband about everything that happened to me (abusive, violent family and boy"friends"). I was ashamed, felt extremely guilty and thought he'd run away, if he knew about all that disgusting stuff. He didn't run away. He comforted me, understood and reassured me that it was not my fault at all and that I am worth being loved. This man showed me that there's nothing wrong with me, that I am a good, lovable person and that all those who hurt me were the a$$holes in the first place. So if you feel that this boyfriend is good for you, don't be afraid. And if things change after you told him, he's probably not the right one anyways.
I haven't been able to feel genuine happiness for about half a year now, only stress, sadness and anger. It's driving me crazy.
These are signs of serious depression. If anybody reading this feels the same, get help now.
I have a bad case of intrusive thoughts.
Tell me about it, you and me both. Never easy to deal with on a daily basis.
I'm trans & I'm starting HRT on Jan 2.
No one knows this yet but my husband & 3 of my close friends.
My family is near 100% unlikely to be cool about this and I was looking forward to having one last birthday/Christmas with them where they didn't know/reject me yet, but I got a virus on my birthday and now I'm way too sick to get on a plane.
So essentially my last Christmas with a family that loves me got straight up cancelled. I'm super bummed, but way too sick & tired to have a nervous breakdown about it, so I've got that going for me at least.
You have a husband and 3 close friends. That is a big, loving family already there for you!
I suspect that my conversations with a friend is being sent to my ex, who is trying to bring me down, and I’ve started to spread false information to that “friend“ to truly see if my text messages is being leaked
I threw away the onion powder in our spice cabinet because I hate onion powder. My husband asked me "Where's the onion powder?" I told him it's here somewhere.
I'm bisexual. Nothing bad will happen if I say, but I don't want to risk that either. My mom would probably tell me just to grow out of it. (I'm 26)
I also live with a "second" family and the "mom" has expressed that bisexuals just need to "make up their minds because you can't be attracted to both, that's just stupid"
That was fun to sit through....
My high school best friend was gay, and sleeping with a man that was 15 years older, had a wife and four kids, and was in the leadership of the local church for most of high school and awhile after.
I hope your friend is okay. It sounds as though the older person was taking advantage of your friend.
I just graduated from college and now I’m really depressed. I’m supposed to be looking for a job right now but all I want to do is sleep.
Go get yourself some help. Talk to people you love, even if it is only online, talk about your feelings and let it out. Do NOT hide in your bed, that is incredibly dangerous! All my love to you, stay strong!
My friends all think that I'm a virgin but a few months ago I got Grindr because I thought I was bisexual and thought that it couldn't hurt just to check things out.
Anyway, end of Feburary or beginning of March I met up with a guy and did the things that people do when they meet on an app specifically designed for hooking up, this went on for about 2-3 weeks until I felt slutty and ashamed, deleted the app, and never told anyone about it.
It's been a few months and I found out that most all of my close friends have had sex except for one (who is currently in a relationship) which means that, two everyone else, we are the only two virgins. The thing that sucks about this is that my friends keep making virgin jokes, such as me becoming a 40 year old virgin. This sucks not only because name calling is shit but because I pride myself on being a very honest person and having to constantly lie to them makes me feel like I'm betraying them.
It's sort of been eating me up inside and but in the end I would rather be seen as the last virgin in the group than as the only gay guy, probably because I'm pretty much 90% straight.
If this reads like shit it's because it's a sensitive subject for me and I wrote it at 12:30 in the morning and I have had a pretty long day.
Shame people see it as anyone else's business. I think I would say 'hah, don't assume, we all have secrets' and then tell them nothing else. Work on becoming inscrutable. Though if your friends are going to judge you for, what sounds like most likely being bi, (and being shi-tty name callers) you might want to look elsewhere for friendship. Though easy for a random person on the internet to say, I know. Though I did realise I had poor friends who were not there for me. I did start again, it is possible.
My wife and I have been very rocky lately. We are trying to recover from a separation.
Anyway, she told me a few weeks ago about a story where when her Grandfather passed, her Grandmother took the grandkids on a vacation to Disney world. My wife bought a watch with Mickey on it and even showed me what it looked like online.
My wife was very close with her Grandfather and connected the watch with him.
My wife had a Strawberry Shortcake jewlery box she kept the watch in. And one day she forgot to put I back, and the watch was lost. She never found it.
Well I found the watch online and a wooden jewlery box. I had the box engraved with a picture of Strawberry Shortcake and a saying from her Grandfather. And inside is the watch.
Literally, 30-something years later she gets the watch back. I truly hope she loves it.
Edit: For clarification purposes, my wife and I are both females and we live in USA.
I wanted to thank every single person who commented on this post and glorified me with internet karma! I am trying to be patient and not give her the gift, but I have been holding on to it for at least 3 weeks now. The one bonus of having an apartment from the separation is a prime place to hide presents! I will definitely give an update after she opens it.
Also, bonus to the story: My wife truly believes and supports local businesses, so I made it a point to try and find local places for as many of the parts and pieces as I could for this gift. I went to the local Irish store and told the woman I am looking for a jewelry box to hopefully hold a watch. The lady told me about how she recently received some small wooden boxes from another store that closed. She thought she was getting 5 little boxes, but she receives 5 palettes of little boxes. The shop owner told me "I was blessed with the boxes and now you are blessed, too" and she gave it to me for free. I can't wait to tell that part of the story, too!
Just give it to her. Why are you holding on to it? Regardless of whether you stay together or not, you got it to please her. Make someone smile.
Rachel and Mark are hooking up and nobody else in the department knows except me.
Edit: This isn't a reference to a television show.
That's Mark and Rachel's secret, just forget you knew anything. (Unless you need some blackmail material)
I went on a girls trip last summer with my best friend, and she cheated on her boyfriend. She immediately regretted it and is still with her boyfriend but I've never told anyone.
I personally think relationships are complex & we cannot judge why a person might be unfaithful. Nor should we take it upon ourselves to be the moral judge & "come clean" to someone elses partner. You aren't going to be the one dealing with the consequences of those actions - the people in the relationship are (well, you could lose a friend...)
That I was a kleptomaniac. Sometimes I still feel the urge to steal something but now I can stop myself.
I don’t feel an emotional connection to any of my friends or family.
Same here. I just don’t feel any kind of bond between my family or my friends. I have a feeling that I would bee totally numb if anything happened to them and I don’t want that
I've found out my sister has had a baby and not told anyone in my family, she doesn't know I found out.
My girlfriend of three years just broke up with me right after Thanksgiving. My parents expected her to come visit for the holidays but I told them that she is spending Christmas with her family this year.
I hope that you can soon feel comfortable enough to this sad news with your support system.
That despite being really really happy and satisfied in my current relationship, I still have feelings for my ex. The worst part is that my current GF is really awesome and I love spending time with her but I’m scared that my feelings for my ex are keeping me from fully committing.
If you didn't have any feelings for your ex, you'd be a bit of a monster. You thought well enough of them to be with them. That is in the past.
That I’m in love with my best friend.
I was too but he passed away suddenly and I never got the chance to tell him
That I’ve been hallucinating, I don’t really know why I’ve talked to some people over the internet about it and they said it could be because of my anti-depressants but it started before I started taking it. If it is my meds I don’t want to be taken off of them since hallucinations are a sign of overdose. I have an IEP in school and will be starting college soon something that my family is worried about the idea of me going to college. The hallucinations are getting worse and I’m afraid that if I tell a therapist they’ll tell my family. It’s one of my biggest fears is losing touch with reality. The reason I take a high dose of antidepressants is that my depression was getting worse and the doctor recommended it. I just want to go back to normal.
If you're over 18, in the US, the doctor CAN NOT tell your family. There are many antidepressants and combinations, and it takes time to get them adjusted for you. Your age makes it a little more complicated because of hormones. Please, please get medical supervision. You should also be in some kind of therapy such as cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps! Lower division courses in community college, especially first year, are mostly completely transferable to 4 year colleges. Take care of yourself first. If your parents are concerned about too much stress, going to school will give you structure and feelings of mastery, which is crucial. Be kind to yourself, put your needs and goals first. This is your life, and we only get one. I'm pulling for you. Also look into the availability of a certified peer support specialist. I'll let you look that up.
I have an chronic illness and I'm making myself worse by staying in the workforce. It will not get better. But I get so much of my identity from my career that I just can't leave it yet. I have a lot of self judgment, which I would hold against absolutely no one else.
Switched careers due to health reasons 4 years ago. Took 2 years to come to terms with the loss of identity. Framing it as retired instead of former in my mind helps. I don't mind what I do now but I won't miss it when I'm gone. It's just a paycheck and that's okay. I'm learning to find fulfillment elsewhere.
That I’m SO lonely after moving to a new city for a girlfriend who broke up me 2 weeks ago. Gotta put on that brave face.
I was sexually assaulted as a high schooler and still blame myself.
I joke a lot to family and friends but I’m genuinely worried about my alcohol consumption. I want to say I’m in like a pre-alcoholic state. I’m in the Military but I enjoyed drinking even before I joined. I drink on average either 10-15 beers or 3-4 glasses of straight fireball (which is about 3/4 of a liter). And that is every single day. 7 days a week. Before the night starts to come I’m always wondering if I have enough alcohol and plan accordingly. I do everything I need to do in my job and personal life (Girlfriend, Family, ETC). But, I like drinking more than I have a desire to stop. And I’m not sure where that’s going to lead me.
My friend's sexual assault. She knows what happened to her was wrong, but doesn't want it to get out and would rather simply go to therapy then also pressing charges. She doesn't want it getting out so I have to keep this dark secret no matter how much I want that a*****e to rot in jail
I understand her. I really hate the idea that survivors should be responsible for getting a perpetrator into prison (as in "Think about that this could happen to other women, too, because you didn't go to the police." ) After an assault survivors need to take care of themselves first - in some cases this involves pressing charges, in some cases it doesn't.
I actually look halfway decent/am pretty fit for a guy who's 40. Years of being a fat kid/fat 20something still has me stuck on the self-image that I'm still a fatty. I've had people wonder dumbfounded at how I'm still single. It's because in truth I have all the confidence and game of a little fat boy when it comes to any situation where I might be into someone, in a flirty situation, that kind of thing. I have no problem talking to anyone unless it's someone I don't know that I start to admire from a distance. Then suddenly if they try speaking to me I'm just like "...……….."
That the operations manager at my work who is a c**t to the core (her name is actually Karen, shocker) is under investigation for several incidents that should hopefully get that snake canned. Also, I was the one in 10th grade that accidentally s**t my pants in class and those were my boxers in the trashcan in the bathroom.
My best friend and his girlfriend are into the idea of a MMF threesome. He's heteroflexible. I can not describe how strongly I want to be the second guy in that scenario because I'm totally into him and she's, like, model levels of gorgeous.
~~Ain't no way I'm telling him that.~~
(Update from Reddit) Edit 2 Electric Boogaloo: Bad news for everyone rooting for me. I brought it up saying I wanted to use him as an example in another conversation I was having. I asked what his idea what for the other guy. This was his response. "I said I might be into something like that, there's no way my girlfriend would be. And I have no idea for the other guy at all." So yeah. The ball is out of my court. He's into it and she's not.
Two years ago on Christmas Eve my mom & aunt got in a fist fight. An hour later my mom was still crying & unloading everything on her mind. She told me she was raped when she was 15. Literally had no idea what to say, just let her speak. Have not talked to anyone about this, but I think about it every day. My heart just hurts for her that she had to go through that.
Edit: Just to clear up some questions, no my mom wasn't drinking. She doesn't drink. I only mentioned that her & my aunt got into a fist fight because that's what triggered her emotions being so high and ultimately what led to her venting to me about and telling me she was raped.
Several months ago when I was home visiting family, she casually dropped that she had to go to therapy and would be back in an hour. Again we don't really talk about it, but I was happy she was seeing someone professionally.
That's so sad and shitty people asking if she was drinking? What does that got to do with anything?
I won a $10,000 scholarship to pay back school loans. I was told i was the top pick over hundreds of students.
But Bc i don't deal well with direct praise, my family doesn't and won't know.
I’m bulimic. Only my wife knows, and not to the fullest extent.
I hope you get the help you need, you know the damage this will cause if you don't. NB I know that this doesn't make it easier to do. Illnesses like this make asking for help even harder, they make you turn in on yourself. You've spoken to your wife though so I hope you can..
My best friend and I was falling in love. He had a brain tumor and he got surgery done but there was a low survival rate. I haven't told anyone about this, and a lot of people didnt even know of him. (He lived out of state but was my neighbor's cousin)
I really really like my best friend. She's just got out of a long term mentally abusive relationship. Now's not exactly the right time to say.
My grades have dropped dramatically since I went to college. Used to be an A student and now I'm barely getting C's in a lot of classes. I'm too ashamed to tell my parents. Also I keep thinking I should just drop out and give up on it altogether
That's not really uncommon. Difficulty of high school and difficulty of college aren't even in the same arena, but there's also the fact that college life is considerably less structured than high school, no parents on your case about studying or course work. It's all on you, and many kids have trouble making that adjustment, particularly if they've been somewhat sheltered/things have always come easily to them. It could be that you're simply pursuing something you're not really built to do, and there's nothing wrong with that. Part of going to college is finding out what you really want to do. But...walking away just because it's harder than you expected, is a dangerous precedent to set, because real life is not going to get any easier and you can't just give up when you're faced with something challenging. That said, college isn't worth as much as it used to be, there are plenty of things you could do that would provide a stable life.
I want to go see the therapist at my college for possible social anxiety, but I’m a minor for another six months. I need parental permission and can’t bring myself to ask my parents. They’ll most likely say yes, but my mom is so stressed with taking care of my two sick family members that I don’t want to put another weight on her
Well suppose I can't keep it to myself forever right. And for the record I know what I'm doing makes me (I should say us) a horrible person. My high school sweetheart of 5 years, we broke up back in 2012. A mutual breakup. We were madly in love together and still madly in love after the breakup. Our relationship is very f*cked let's put it that way. We did part ways until about 2017 until we started talking again.
However, the difference this time was is that she actually got married to someone else during that time. But her and I clicked together so well that we immediately started dating again. Yes, she's married and has a boyfriend (me). No, her husband is completely unaware. We're both perfectly aware what we're doing is wrong. We've both agreed to meet each other in hell when the time comes.
Ugh, such shitty people. She is worse coz she is the one that is married. That doesn't excuse you though.
I know I have to go back to college to get a better job so I can get a higher pay, but I’m so unmotivated to go back and do what I have to do. I’ve been wanting to explain that to my family and friends for so long, but I don’t know how to do that without them just brushing it off by saying I’m just being lazy.
I know a couple that broke up about a year ago. They still are friends though and work together and I'm not supposed to tell anyone they broke up. After this long I wonder if it's just a long, elaborate test of my loyalty
*guys the test part was a joke. They're not evil humans lol, just private
I told my best friend, who knows I'm in love with him, that I'm moving on and trying to find someone else. But really I don't know if I'll ever actually move on, I just don't want him to feel bad.
I have a boyfriend in another city. My family thinks that he's just a best friend of mine. We have been together for years now. Sadly I see him only a few times a year since I'm still only a teen and my parents don't know about our relationship. It's overwhelming at times and I feel quite upset we can't spend time with each other much, but it'll hopefully change soon when I have more power to do things I want!
You said you're "still only a teen". How old is HE? It makes the difference between whether you have a long distance relationship that could bloom when you're independent OR if you're being groomed by a predator.
I am aroace and my parents don’t know and I feel like they may find out in a while if they start snooping through my device. I also have a feeling that my depression is begining to relapse since every time I see a knife I get an urge to end myself with it. I don’t feel depressed at all but I still feel like ending my life. I don’t have a proper emotional connection with anyone in my life and resent any form of physical contact be it a handshake or a hug. It feels as if I built a huge emotional wall around myself and I can’t break out of it
I also regret giving a kid who was allergic to peanuts something that had contact with peanuts to eat. Nothing bad happened to him but I feel really guilty. This was back in third grade
You have to let that go. Rumination only brings pain.
@stardust when you start to wonder, acknowledge the thought and move on. I have a few go-to things to distract me when I need them, like my dogs, the Caribbean, or my sorority days. Try to make your own list to employ when you need it the most. I know I'm simplifying this, and saying is much easier than doing, but it's worth it to practice. It will get easier. Also trying to be mindful helps a lot. Focus on what is happening with each of your senses; I'm feeling the sun on my face, the breeze cool me and tossle my hair, I hear the birds chirping while watching my pups sniff a chipmunk trail for the thousandth time. It brings you to the present. Best of luck and hang in there.
I usually think of music and astronomy to keep me going. I recently started to compose my own pieces of music and began a comic series to keep me busy. It only gets hard when I stop doing those things which happens for slightly more than half my waking day. Thank you and may you stay safe madbakes
I know I have to learn to let go but at night I wonder if he may have had a terrible reaction altering his life. I am slowly trying to let go of it and it’s taking a while
I'm aroace, as well, and I'm too scared to tell anyone except my closest friend. My mother made a joke about me being ace because I denied having feelings for someone and I just smiled and pretended to laugh as if it was ridiculous for her to even joke about.
I hope that you don’t have homophobic peers or family. My family are surprisingly homophobic (I guess they aren’t transphobic based on my mother’s comments on trans folk). It would probably take several weeks to months to develop the courage to come out i wish you good luck on your journey of coming out
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do what you can to seek counseling... I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me in my tough times. For me, it wasn't about sharing my innermost thoughts, but getting the tools and skills to keep my depression and anxiety at bay. Look up DBT (dialectical behavior therapy); based on what you've described, I think you may find it more helpful than congitive therapy.
Right now I am a minor and my parents trash talk people with mental disorders and they have a pretty low opinion on therapy. When I first had depression I got yelled at because I contemplated suicide (they lowered my self esteem back then and blamed me for it instead). I am trying to stay happy but it feels like every time I try to be happy, something bad has to happen to me
as soon as you aren't a minor go get yourself some therapy. or if there's a confidential place where you don't need permission go there. the things you're saying are worrisome and you deserve to have somebody on your side who can help you with your thoughts and fears.
That is what I plan to do the moment I’m legally an adult. In the meantime I just write my thoughts and feelings into my diary
Journaling is an excellent coping skill, as long as you can do so safely. In a year, you'll be able to see how much you've grown and worked through. I know this is so, so hard, but you're just at the beginning of your journey, and it is going to get so much better. It might get harder, first, but you already have skills and awareness that many others don't develop until later. And you may just need that emotional wall for a bit longer to be safe while you sort out who you are and most want to be. You're doing great!
it's not your fault. remember it's never your fault. and I struggled with the same thing, but luckily my parents were supportive. there are situations where you can tell a teacher or someone and they are legally required to get you help. this happened to me and it's not pretty. they send you to a mental hospital which can prescribe you medication and monitor you. it's a miserable place but it can help. if you feel really scared then you should do that bc they are good at keeping you safe. getting better is always a struggle, sometimes it's so.hard you want to give up, trust me I know but every little step helps. it's not easy but it is worth it. once you find the right people to help you.weather they are professionals or just a group of people who is going through the same and will support you it makes all the difference. if this is hard to read, sorry I just woke up and I have foggy brain and adhd
I am willing to go get help and if I can I do drop hints but never tell anyone the full thing. In a feww days time school will start for me so maybe then I can tell my friends or a teacher I trust. My only concern is that my parents will know and shame me for “being so sad when I have no reason to be”. Your comment was not that hard to read even though you had just woken up
Read my post below answering Black Pearl. I think those trust-cards could actually be something for you in the way they were originally intended. To strengthen your resilienz and activate your inner resources. You could make them yourself and they are inconspicuous as it's only words on cards. Mind you, this tool doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth a try. In any case get the help you need and deserve!
I went onto hormone control which made me aroace for like four years. It's sometimes just a chemical thing. People tout this as a life choice but the fact that you have subconscious/conscious suicide ideation means you are not happy (really) being in that situation. Maybe get HRT for a bit and see what happens.
To anyone that needs it today, here's a photo I saved on my computer. Hedgehog-P...7ac389.jpg
Aww, hedgy looks so cute and is spreading the right message while being adorable
You literally made me cry. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you
thank you
Nobody knows how much my mental health has declined. I think my family and friends are all vaugely aware that I have some anxiety issues, but they don't know how bad it is. My social anxiety has gotten to the point where sometimes when I try to talk to new people, I literally can't. Like, I can't bring myself to say anything out loud. I have panic and anxiety attacks all the time at school or home. When they happen now I just ask to go to the restroom if I'm at school or hide in my room at home until it's over. I know I need to tell someone, but I'm afraid they'll treat me differently because of it.
I really want to say something here but I can’t put it into words. However if you need anything or want to rant then I’m here for you
me too
If you find it hard to talk about, that is perfectly understandable. Is it easier to write about? Do you live somewhere you can get - at least some - help for free? How about writing a letter to someone who can help? A nurse, a doctor, a psychologist, a minister (shudder), or.... If you tell her/him about your feelings through a letter first, she/he can (and will if professional) take your problems into account on your very first meeting/session.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm so scared of admitting how bad my social anxiety is I can't even tell my friends or therapist. I have no idea how to get my life back on track again
1/2 A very good friend of mine has a severe anxiety disorder and though she is in psychological therapy, those attacks happen very frequently. The therapy of couse helps, but sometimes an immediate intervention is needed, which the therapist cannot always give, as he is not always on hand. So I got her to use trust-cards (trustandgo.de). The idea is to break through the "circling of thoughts" which itensify the anxiety and to change the focus from the panic attack to something else. (Originally it's used to strengthen resilienz and activate inner resources.) The exercise is to concentrate on a specific word during an attack which is pulled from the stack of trust-cards (fe "clarity": What does it mean to me, how can I achive it in my current situation, what can I do keep it, how does it affect me...) Edit: the website is in German as this is a tool created by two German psychologists but those cards are available in an international version. If you want to try it, you could also create your own cards to choose from (I can give you some words to put on those cards)
2/2 Breathing and meditation exercises might help too. Go to a quiet room try to clear your mind, breath in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth (make the exhale a good bit longer than the inhale), repeat. Put your hand over your heart, concentrate on your heartbeat during the breathing exercise. BUT these things are tools and in no way replace therapy. Get professional help and get it soon! Maybe you have a counselor at your school or a teacher you trust?
I don't understand how to make friends or have relationships as an adult. I didn't go to college directly out of high school and when i did get to college, i worked full time so I never attended parties, i lived off-campus and i never made any friends or boyfriends. And now I'm 43 and have not a single friend -more than just a work friend or acquaintance...a real friend - and haven't had a relationship in I don't even want to say. It's my own fault because I'm not a bar/club person. I'm a homebody and I never forced myself to be more sociable as I'm generally happy alone. My job is very solitary. I talk to random people online but I don't feel like they're friends. I thought about dating apps but honestly i wish they just had them to make friends! I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way or has this problem.
No need to date since not everyone wants to or are unable to. If you spoke with me online or here I’d consider you to be my friend :)
that's very sweet. TY : )
You’re welcome 😊
Bars and clubs are not the place to meet quality people. You're better off meeting people at work, the library, a common interest group or online.
I'm 36 and I'm just like you, no friends, no girlfriend. Had just two real relationships in my life, both lasted about 4 months. Last one was 4 years ago and ever since I haven't had another date. My "friends" sort of left me for their girlfriends at that same time, so I'm all alone. But you know what? Now my best (and only) friend is my dog, and he really is an antidepressant!
I can assure you that you are not the only one. I'm 63, and I've come to accept that I thrive being alone. I have only one close friend (as opposed to acquaintances that I'm fond of) and I'm not particularly close to anyone in my family... and all of this works for me. The mere thought of dating again makes me want to crawl under my bed.
lol, i feel the same. I think i've just been out of the loop for so long that i've missed the window on how to even want to date. The idea of having to make small talk makes me want to jump off a bridge. I'm actually pretty happy alone and i like the fact i don't have obligations but still. I feel like something must be wrong with me because even serial killers have friends. lol.
Even serial killers have friends is very dark. I know that I'm just an online stranger but I can be your friend. We might not even live in the same timezone but if you ever want to write or talk I can listen
If you want a relationship you have to meet with people, my suggestion would be to go to house parties in other words get-togethers with friends where they talk over dinner etc. If you want a dating app that is less hassle, try bumble because the choice to respond is up to the woman, not the man. He can't message you till you vet him.
This isn't a secret, but I need to get it off my chest. I've been living with depression through what seems like an endless amount of years. Last year I lost my wife because of it (divorce because she got tired from it, even though I, in vain, did all I could to get help and get better). This year I'm riding the guilt train because the divorce wasn't as peaceful and pleasant as she had expected. When she took out the divorce, I naturally felt betrayed, hurt and angry. In anger and frustration I told her what I thought of her actions and her moral standards. So, now she attacks me for giving her a bad conscience and not the tranquil single life she expected. And, naturally, I'm back at feeling guilty. Life sucks!
Sounds as though you are better off, nonetheless. You are not, never have been, and never will be responsible for someone else's feelings. The fact that your ex is trying to pin her broken expectations on you is abusive. I imagine that this has been going on even before your divorce; being the custodian of your wife's mental states may have made your depression worse.
Thank you. I needed that. I am flabbergasted by your last sentences - you're absolutely 100% right, it has been going on for years - if not for decades. My depression has improved since we split up, but there is still a long way to go. Loneliness and that infernal conscience keep progress very slow. S**t, you made me cry.
If people can’t help or even listen to you when you are in a tough mental position then they are not worth being in your life. The divorce is not your fault at all, your mind may make you feel guilty for a while but then you will realize that it wasn’t your fault. Recovering from depression and the divorce will be a very touch ride but if you want I will try to help or listen to you on every step of the way
My psychology prof recomended this to me as a must read (as it's actually a book) for my postgrad training. Author Matthew Johnstone, he's been living with depression his entire life and illustrated his expierience. Give it a try, maybe you get some new inputs! And remember: you are not alone! https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc
Thanks. A sad but also a bite cute book. My black dog has survived most anti-depressants, therapy types and even ECT. It seems my ex wife holds one of that dogs strongest leashes. It seems I have to cut that leash, even if we have a kid (a grown man, actually) together. Perhaps it will be easier to chase the black dog away when at least that leash is gone.
In order to have contact to your son, you do not need her! She is toxic to your health, an active antagonist! You don't need someone like this to pull you down, when it's hard enough to stay up. I'll say it again: you are not alone!
I'm in the same boat. Give it a year, work and focus on your hobbies, socialise with friends, and hopefully someone new will come along. I'm old now and my experience is relationships are just a conveyor belt. Like with friends. Once you resign yourself to this fact it becomes easier to let them come and go.
I appreciate your advice, and wish you all well. My divorce had its 1st "birthday" last week, but I see your point even if a year has proved to not be enough. Unfortunately, I do not have any friends to socialise with (what-so-ever). Finding new friends late in life, when all ability to trust others have been shattered, is not easy. But, it is my number one priority.
I'm in a secret relationship with one of my best friends and nobody knows. (Also i kissed her recently, first kiss and best feeling of my life. Still riding that high.)
Congratulations!
There is never a time I don't have secret chocolate stashed somewhere in my house.
Do you live in Pennsylvania? I got some serious cravings tonight. 😂
i fight my porn addiction everyday because i need to be better for my nephews. i cant falls back in that hole
Realizing you are addicted is a huge first step andmust’ve taken a lot of courage to admit to yourself so congrats for that. You can try to replace porn with watching tutorials on interesting things on Youtube or you can read a book or take up something that you are interested in. The journey to recovering from any addiction is hard and the urge to relapse is strong but I believe in you.
get a firewall tool and block it all. Get a new hobby that takes your mind onto other things. I beat it.
I'm suffering from terrible depression and anxiety plus I'm having intrusive thoughts. This year has sucked. We put my 18 year old cat down, I'm supposed to have surgery this coming Monday, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer just over a week ago. On top of that, my husband's health has been taking constant hits this year but he refuses to go to the doctor because he's scare of what they will find and what it will cost. I'm scared that I'm going to be a widow before we hit our 10th anniversary. Obviously, this is so minor compared to what others are going through, but it's a lot in the first 6 months of the year.
That must be so so stressful that I can’t even comprehend it. At least something good must happen to you to compensate for all this. If you need to rant even more then feel free to message me
This is not minor, you're handling a lot! Please give yourself some credit and you don't need to compare your problems to others. Your problems are valid and if you can, go see a therapist. That's not fair of your husband to just not go to the doctor. He needs to take care of his health problems and not just let them fester. Good luck. I'm sorry about your cat and Dad. Here's to some good health & happiness for you and your family.
Try to convince your husband to go to a doctor no matter the cost, the head in sand aproach is not what he wants to go for. Certain things when diagnosed too late can no longer be cured! And please, please, please go see a psychooncologist, those are therapists for people with cancer AND for family and friends of people with cancer. Such a therapist can give you the tools to deal with everything you are going through! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!
People realize that these are the original posts right? I see lots of helpful advice but the original poster did not come to Bored panda to type these. These are snapshots pulled from the Internet so you have to track down the person if you really want to talk to them.
I reply because someone in a similar situation might read it
That's why I do it, too.
At least when it comes to people with mental health problems, tracking them down may often prove to be a bad idea.
I have detailed fantasies about torturing and killing random people and it gives me great pleasure. I have a very ‘twisted’ view of the world and don’t really value human life. I also don’t think I have empathy.
You need to see a therapist about this, or talk to it out with someone you trust. You cannot submit to your fantasies and you have to figure out why and where these feelings/lack of empathy might be coming from. It’s a good start that you reached out to people here.
I know it’s wrong but I just… want to do it so bad. And I don’t know if I want to get help…agh
My parents don't want me to tell me friends about my self harm of psych ward stays and think it's still a secret but they've known about sh for way longer than my parents and as soon as i got back to school from the psych ward a bunch of us skipped third period and had a long talk about mental health.
It sounds like you have good friends. I totally relate to the self harm. I did it for about 20 years, starting at about 4 years old. I have obvious scars on my left forearm and really want to get a tattoo that I designed to cover them up. If I may make a suggestion, whenever you feel the urge to self harm, call one of your friends immediately so they can help talk you down. I know it sounds cliche, but it truly helps to talk about things. I hope that helps and I hope you are better now. ❤
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my bf who is a Russian Muslim hasn't told his family. He has also kept me a secret from them too. We have been dating for 15 months.
You're bearing his child, but he is keeping both you and the baby as a secret from his family? Why? Does it have something to do with his religion? I'm not very familiar with Muslim beliefs.
I feel like most of these shouldn't be 100% secrets. Someone should know. "We all need someone to lean on" and all that. All I'm saying is please don't suffer alone. A lot of what goes on in our heads are lies and pretty f'd up. Now to go take my own advice. That's gonna be difficult.
I feel so sorry for everyone struggling with these big secrets. I hope you all can get the support and love that you need. It's not much, and I certainly don't understand what you all are going through, but I want you to know that I care for you.
Everyone thinks I am doing better, but everyday I wish I never woke up, I battle with my own mind not to hurt myself every day, I can't stop taking the painkillers and always run out and have considered going down the illegal route to get opiates. I hate my life, I moved into a flat a year ago and I hate it am so isolated and even though I have a partner I hide it from him and have cut my family off and barely see them, no longer go round theirs and used to go daily. The mental health service even told me have exhausted their system so am stuck stuck here rotting, miserable and feeling alone and just tired of my life
Don't go the illegal route! An could you get off the other painkillers, too? Do you truely need them? Is talking to your partner/ and family not an option? Bc I am sure, if you went often to see them, your family already has noticed that change! In any case I have a bit of a feeling you actually need residental treatment.
I probably have only about 20 years of life expectancy but I have never told anybody in real life to not bother them. To be honest when i read about it i felt relief because I cant imagine living until my 80s or longer being constantly in pain, disabled and worthless. For the other hand i dont want to die so young because it will hurt my loved ones.
I have strong romantic feelings for my next door neighbor, but he's got a long term girlfriend (they don't live together). I know it's not healthy to have these feelings for someone who's taken, but I can't help how I feel. I will NEVER tell him, though (even though I think he already knows since I'm about a subtle as a cat fight in church, regardless how much I try to hide my feelings). Thing is, as much as I try to keep my distance out of respect for his relationship with his girlfriend, I really enjoy talking to him and we seem to get along really well. To be clear, I have no desire to try to steal him from his girlfriend or to be "the other woman" or anything like that. I respect what they have, but it definitely hurts to see them together. I'm afraid that just simply existing will eventually put a strain on their relationship and I never want to be responsible for anything bad that happens between them. I feel so guilty for having these feelings even though I can't help it.
I am 50 (f) and was chased relentlessly by a coworker for over a year but because of the age gap she was 23 I wouldn't be anything other than friends. She wore me down and I gave in I fell in love and she got bored and just moved on to her next obsession. I was left heartbroken but also felt so stupid for giving in.
Repeated solicitations to date or something like that is considered sexual harassment. If it happens again you need to report it.
I had this happen recently and it's fine. You had fun, move on.
It's not as big of a secret as everyone else's big secrets, but I've lived a pretty sheltered life and my parents don't know I know what sex is and that I masturbate. I don't plan on telling them any time soon.
That is probably what most of us in our teens or in late middle school had/are dealing with. Would they blow their top if they found out? My mom got angry that I knew about sex (I found it funny since by middle school nearly everyone knew about it and my mom acted as if I’d now go do it)
well if you get a relationshop and eventually -if you want- have kids, they will realise that you did know what it is.
Jonas, your reddit link under each comment should link to the original comment, not to the whole post. Sometimes you did it, sometimes you didn't.
Reading all this I realize that I have a lot of secrets. Not about myself but about other people. Mostly stuff like: married supposedly hetero pastor took week off to have s** with as many men as possible.... guy who secretly likes to dress up as a woman.... guy who loves to spank hard..... You see the pattern here. I do not judge. I keep the secret. It's like I am their kink agony aunt. Honestly I always find it interesting to see what makes people tick, however "weird" it is.
I'm 61(M) with no prospects to share the rest of my life with and crippling loneliness is rearing it's head. I was raised in social isolation so never developed the social skills needed for dating. Confidence in myself is something I lack. It's wearing on me so very badly. I don't know what to do other than simply endure and even that is starting to seem like a non option at times. I was raised that men aren't supposed to cry but when I'm by myself I do at times.
Crying is a totally natural reaction which has many benefits. Crying reduces stress and our tears contain natural painkillers. Most of the times there is no need to date but if you ever want to be with someone don’t hesitate, you may find someone when you least expect it. They can be in the form of a friend or stranger. Confidence is something that will take a long time to develop but I have a feeling that over time you will be a confident and happy person. If you don’t have any friends I can be your friend.
I’m an adult and I still suck my thumb - only when at bedtime when trying to fall asleep. I’ve told my therapist and it’s a self soothing thing, but it’s still embarrassing.
I might have severe depression but I haven't and don't want to tell anyone because I'm worried people will think that I'm just saying that for attention. But I'm also half worried that I'm making myself think it for attention (makes no sense, I know, but yeah) I know that I love being the center of attention. I've been asked before on how I'm able to be happy all the time and all I want to do I tell them I'm not and everything I show is a mask. I also wonder what would happen If I was gone, if people would even care and if they did I know they would get over it. You know how there is that saying about how everyone is the hero of thier own story? Well I don't feel like the hero. I feel like the side character who is talked about in one sentence who is just known as happy and hyper. I just want the people around me to be happy but it feels like the reason I'm still here is because it keeps other people doing fine. I don't nessaily want to die but I don't want to exist anymore.
I also used to have these same thoughts exactly one year ago. If you feel like not living anymore or are unable to feel happy or just can’t do things that you enjoy, it is a sign that you have clinical depression. You need help, tell someone with whom you have a close bond. It may be a friend or partner but please tell someone. If you were to go I would definately care and it would take a long time before I move on.
Oh man, I'm so sorry. I hate the mask feeling. I hope you can talk to someone and get help. I think that you deserve so so much more than being a side character, I hope you can feel that way someday. I really hope I don't make you feel worse, I'm not super good at comforting others, I just want you to see that someone cares.
I've been looking at the actual reddit posts, and these are all 2-3 years old.
I am aroace and my parents don’t know and I feel like they may find out in a while if they start snooping through my device. I also have a feeling that my depression is begining to relapse since every time I see a knife I get an urge to end myself with it. I don’t feel depressed at all but I still feel like ending my life. I don’t have a proper emotional connection with anyone in my life and resent any form of physical contact be it a handshake or a hug. It feels as if I built a huge emotional wall around myself and I can’t break out of it
I also regret giving a kid who was allergic to peanuts something that had contact with peanuts to eat. Nothing bad happened to him but I feel really guilty. This was back in third grade
You have to let that go. Rumination only brings pain.
@stardust when you start to wonder, acknowledge the thought and move on. I have a few go-to things to distract me when I need them, like my dogs, the Caribbean, or my sorority days. Try to make your own list to employ when you need it the most. I know I'm simplifying this, and saying is much easier than doing, but it's worth it to practice. It will get easier. Also trying to be mindful helps a lot. Focus on what is happening with each of your senses; I'm feeling the sun on my face, the breeze cool me and tossle my hair, I hear the birds chirping while watching my pups sniff a chipmunk trail for the thousandth time. It brings you to the present. Best of luck and hang in there.
I usually think of music and astronomy to keep me going. I recently started to compose my own pieces of music and began a comic series to keep me busy. It only gets hard when I stop doing those things which happens for slightly more than half my waking day. Thank you and may you stay safe madbakes
I know I have to learn to let go but at night I wonder if he may have had a terrible reaction altering his life. I am slowly trying to let go of it and it’s taking a while
I'm aroace, as well, and I'm too scared to tell anyone except my closest friend. My mother made a joke about me being ace because I denied having feelings for someone and I just smiled and pretended to laugh as if it was ridiculous for her to even joke about.
I hope that you don’t have homophobic peers or family. My family are surprisingly homophobic (I guess they aren’t transphobic based on my mother’s comments on trans folk). It would probably take several weeks to months to develop the courage to come out i wish you good luck on your journey of coming out
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Do what you can to seek counseling... I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me in my tough times. For me, it wasn't about sharing my innermost thoughts, but getting the tools and skills to keep my depression and anxiety at bay. Look up DBT (dialectical behavior therapy); based on what you've described, I think you may find it more helpful than congitive therapy.
Right now I am a minor and my parents trash talk people with mental disorders and they have a pretty low opinion on therapy. When I first had depression I got yelled at because I contemplated suicide (they lowered my self esteem back then and blamed me for it instead). I am trying to stay happy but it feels like every time I try to be happy, something bad has to happen to me
as soon as you aren't a minor go get yourself some therapy. or if there's a confidential place where you don't need permission go there. the things you're saying are worrisome and you deserve to have somebody on your side who can help you with your thoughts and fears.
That is what I plan to do the moment I’m legally an adult. In the meantime I just write my thoughts and feelings into my diary
Journaling is an excellent coping skill, as long as you can do so safely. In a year, you'll be able to see how much you've grown and worked through. I know this is so, so hard, but you're just at the beginning of your journey, and it is going to get so much better. It might get harder, first, but you already have skills and awareness that many others don't develop until later. And you may just need that emotional wall for a bit longer to be safe while you sort out who you are and most want to be. You're doing great!
it's not your fault. remember it's never your fault. and I struggled with the same thing, but luckily my parents were supportive. there are situations where you can tell a teacher or someone and they are legally required to get you help. this happened to me and it's not pretty. they send you to a mental hospital which can prescribe you medication and monitor you. it's a miserable place but it can help. if you feel really scared then you should do that bc they are good at keeping you safe. getting better is always a struggle, sometimes it's so.hard you want to give up, trust me I know but every little step helps. it's not easy but it is worth it. once you find the right people to help you.weather they are professionals or just a group of people who is going through the same and will support you it makes all the difference. if this is hard to read, sorry I just woke up and I have foggy brain and adhd
I am willing to go get help and if I can I do drop hints but never tell anyone the full thing. In a feww days time school will start for me so maybe then I can tell my friends or a teacher I trust. My only concern is that my parents will know and shame me for “being so sad when I have no reason to be”. Your comment was not that hard to read even though you had just woken up
Read my post below answering Black Pearl. I think those trust-cards could actually be something for you in the way they were originally intended. To strengthen your resilienz and activate your inner resources. You could make them yourself and they are inconspicuous as it's only words on cards. Mind you, this tool doesn't work for everyone, but it's worth a try. In any case get the help you need and deserve!
I went onto hormone control which made me aroace for like four years. It's sometimes just a chemical thing. People tout this as a life choice but the fact that you have subconscious/conscious suicide ideation means you are not happy (really) being in that situation. Maybe get HRT for a bit and see what happens.
To anyone that needs it today, here's a photo I saved on my computer. Hedgehog-P...7ac389.jpg
Aww, hedgy looks so cute and is spreading the right message while being adorable
You literally made me cry. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you
thank you
Nobody knows how much my mental health has declined. I think my family and friends are all vaugely aware that I have some anxiety issues, but they don't know how bad it is. My social anxiety has gotten to the point where sometimes when I try to talk to new people, I literally can't. Like, I can't bring myself to say anything out loud. I have panic and anxiety attacks all the time at school or home. When they happen now I just ask to go to the restroom if I'm at school or hide in my room at home until it's over. I know I need to tell someone, but I'm afraid they'll treat me differently because of it.
I really want to say something here but I can’t put it into words. However if you need anything or want to rant then I’m here for you
me too
If you find it hard to talk about, that is perfectly understandable. Is it easier to write about? Do you live somewhere you can get - at least some - help for free? How about writing a letter to someone who can help? A nurse, a doctor, a psychologist, a minister (shudder), or.... If you tell her/him about your feelings through a letter first, she/he can (and will if professional) take your problems into account on your very first meeting/session.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm so scared of admitting how bad my social anxiety is I can't even tell my friends or therapist. I have no idea how to get my life back on track again
1/2 A very good friend of mine has a severe anxiety disorder and though she is in psychological therapy, those attacks happen very frequently. The therapy of couse helps, but sometimes an immediate intervention is needed, which the therapist cannot always give, as he is not always on hand. So I got her to use trust-cards (trustandgo.de). The idea is to break through the "circling of thoughts" which itensify the anxiety and to change the focus from the panic attack to something else. (Originally it's used to strengthen resilienz and activate inner resources.) The exercise is to concentrate on a specific word during an attack which is pulled from the stack of trust-cards (fe "clarity": What does it mean to me, how can I achive it in my current situation, what can I do keep it, how does it affect me...) Edit: the website is in German as this is a tool created by two German psychologists but those cards are available in an international version. If you want to try it, you could also create your own cards to choose from (I can give you some words to put on those cards)
2/2 Breathing and meditation exercises might help too. Go to a quiet room try to clear your mind, breath in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth (make the exhale a good bit longer than the inhale), repeat. Put your hand over your heart, concentrate on your heartbeat during the breathing exercise. BUT these things are tools and in no way replace therapy. Get professional help and get it soon! Maybe you have a counselor at your school or a teacher you trust?
I don't understand how to make friends or have relationships as an adult. I didn't go to college directly out of high school and when i did get to college, i worked full time so I never attended parties, i lived off-campus and i never made any friends or boyfriends. And now I'm 43 and have not a single friend -more than just a work friend or acquaintance...a real friend - and haven't had a relationship in I don't even want to say. It's my own fault because I'm not a bar/club person. I'm a homebody and I never forced myself to be more sociable as I'm generally happy alone. My job is very solitary. I talk to random people online but I don't feel like they're friends. I thought about dating apps but honestly i wish they just had them to make friends! I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way or has this problem.
No need to date since not everyone wants to or are unable to. If you spoke with me online or here I’d consider you to be my friend :)
that's very sweet. TY : )
You’re welcome 😊
Bars and clubs are not the place to meet quality people. You're better off meeting people at work, the library, a common interest group or online.
I'm 36 and I'm just like you, no friends, no girlfriend. Had just two real relationships in my life, both lasted about 4 months. Last one was 4 years ago and ever since I haven't had another date. My "friends" sort of left me for their girlfriends at that same time, so I'm all alone. But you know what? Now my best (and only) friend is my dog, and he really is an antidepressant!
I can assure you that you are not the only one. I'm 63, and I've come to accept that I thrive being alone. I have only one close friend (as opposed to acquaintances that I'm fond of) and I'm not particularly close to anyone in my family... and all of this works for me. The mere thought of dating again makes me want to crawl under my bed.
lol, i feel the same. I think i've just been out of the loop for so long that i've missed the window on how to even want to date. The idea of having to make small talk makes me want to jump off a bridge. I'm actually pretty happy alone and i like the fact i don't have obligations but still. I feel like something must be wrong with me because even serial killers have friends. lol.
Even serial killers have friends is very dark. I know that I'm just an online stranger but I can be your friend. We might not even live in the same timezone but if you ever want to write or talk I can listen
If you want a relationship you have to meet with people, my suggestion would be to go to house parties in other words get-togethers with friends where they talk over dinner etc. If you want a dating app that is less hassle, try bumble because the choice to respond is up to the woman, not the man. He can't message you till you vet him.
This isn't a secret, but I need to get it off my chest. I've been living with depression through what seems like an endless amount of years. Last year I lost my wife because of it (divorce because she got tired from it, even though I, in vain, did all I could to get help and get better). This year I'm riding the guilt train because the divorce wasn't as peaceful and pleasant as she had expected. When she took out the divorce, I naturally felt betrayed, hurt and angry. In anger and frustration I told her what I thought of her actions and her moral standards. So, now she attacks me for giving her a bad conscience and not the tranquil single life she expected. And, naturally, I'm back at feeling guilty. Life sucks!
Sounds as though you are better off, nonetheless. You are not, never have been, and never will be responsible for someone else's feelings. The fact that your ex is trying to pin her broken expectations on you is abusive. I imagine that this has been going on even before your divorce; being the custodian of your wife's mental states may have made your depression worse.
Thank you. I needed that. I am flabbergasted by your last sentences - you're absolutely 100% right, it has been going on for years - if not for decades. My depression has improved since we split up, but there is still a long way to go. Loneliness and that infernal conscience keep progress very slow. S**t, you made me cry.
If people can’t help or even listen to you when you are in a tough mental position then they are not worth being in your life. The divorce is not your fault at all, your mind may make you feel guilty for a while but then you will realize that it wasn’t your fault. Recovering from depression and the divorce will be a very touch ride but if you want I will try to help or listen to you on every step of the way
My psychology prof recomended this to me as a must read (as it's actually a book) for my postgrad training. Author Matthew Johnstone, he's been living with depression his entire life and illustrated his expierience. Give it a try, maybe you get some new inputs! And remember: you are not alone! https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc
Thanks. A sad but also a bite cute book. My black dog has survived most anti-depressants, therapy types and even ECT. It seems my ex wife holds one of that dogs strongest leashes. It seems I have to cut that leash, even if we have a kid (a grown man, actually) together. Perhaps it will be easier to chase the black dog away when at least that leash is gone.
In order to have contact to your son, you do not need her! She is toxic to your health, an active antagonist! You don't need someone like this to pull you down, when it's hard enough to stay up. I'll say it again: you are not alone!
I'm in the same boat. Give it a year, work and focus on your hobbies, socialise with friends, and hopefully someone new will come along. I'm old now and my experience is relationships are just a conveyor belt. Like with friends. Once you resign yourself to this fact it becomes easier to let them come and go.
I appreciate your advice, and wish you all well. My divorce had its 1st "birthday" last week, but I see your point even if a year has proved to not be enough. Unfortunately, I do not have any friends to socialise with (what-so-ever). Finding new friends late in life, when all ability to trust others have been shattered, is not easy. But, it is my number one priority.
I'm in a secret relationship with one of my best friends and nobody knows. (Also i kissed her recently, first kiss and best feeling of my life. Still riding that high.)
Congratulations!
There is never a time I don't have secret chocolate stashed somewhere in my house.
Do you live in Pennsylvania? I got some serious cravings tonight. 😂
i fight my porn addiction everyday because i need to be better for my nephews. i cant falls back in that hole
Realizing you are addicted is a huge first step andmust’ve taken a lot of courage to admit to yourself so congrats for that. You can try to replace porn with watching tutorials on interesting things on Youtube or you can read a book or take up something that you are interested in. The journey to recovering from any addiction is hard and the urge to relapse is strong but I believe in you.
get a firewall tool and block it all. Get a new hobby that takes your mind onto other things. I beat it.
I'm suffering from terrible depression and anxiety plus I'm having intrusive thoughts. This year has sucked. We put my 18 year old cat down, I'm supposed to have surgery this coming Monday, and my dad was diagnosed with cancer just over a week ago. On top of that, my husband's health has been taking constant hits this year but he refuses to go to the doctor because he's scare of what they will find and what it will cost. I'm scared that I'm going to be a widow before we hit our 10th anniversary. Obviously, this is so minor compared to what others are going through, but it's a lot in the first 6 months of the year.
That must be so so stressful that I can’t even comprehend it. At least something good must happen to you to compensate for all this. If you need to rant even more then feel free to message me
This is not minor, you're handling a lot! Please give yourself some credit and you don't need to compare your problems to others. Your problems are valid and if you can, go see a therapist. That's not fair of your husband to just not go to the doctor. He needs to take care of his health problems and not just let them fester. Good luck. I'm sorry about your cat and Dad. Here's to some good health & happiness for you and your family.
Try to convince your husband to go to a doctor no matter the cost, the head in sand aproach is not what he wants to go for. Certain things when diagnosed too late can no longer be cured! And please, please, please go see a psychooncologist, those are therapists for people with cancer AND for family and friends of people with cancer. Such a therapist can give you the tools to deal with everything you are going through! YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!
People realize that these are the original posts right? I see lots of helpful advice but the original poster did not come to Bored panda to type these. These are snapshots pulled from the Internet so you have to track down the person if you really want to talk to them.
I reply because someone in a similar situation might read it
That's why I do it, too.
At least when it comes to people with mental health problems, tracking them down may often prove to be a bad idea.
I have detailed fantasies about torturing and killing random people and it gives me great pleasure. I have a very ‘twisted’ view of the world and don’t really value human life. I also don’t think I have empathy.
You need to see a therapist about this, or talk to it out with someone you trust. You cannot submit to your fantasies and you have to figure out why and where these feelings/lack of empathy might be coming from. It’s a good start that you reached out to people here.
I know it’s wrong but I just… want to do it so bad. And I don’t know if I want to get help…agh
My parents don't want me to tell me friends about my self harm of psych ward stays and think it's still a secret but they've known about sh for way longer than my parents and as soon as i got back to school from the psych ward a bunch of us skipped third period and had a long talk about mental health.
It sounds like you have good friends. I totally relate to the self harm. I did it for about 20 years, starting at about 4 years old. I have obvious scars on my left forearm and really want to get a tattoo that I designed to cover them up. If I may make a suggestion, whenever you feel the urge to self harm, call one of your friends immediately so they can help talk you down. I know it sounds cliche, but it truly helps to talk about things. I hope that helps and I hope you are better now. ❤
I'm 35 weeks pregnant and my bf who is a Russian Muslim hasn't told his family. He has also kept me a secret from them too. We have been dating for 15 months.