Someone Asked People Who Are 40+ To Share Their Best Advice For People In Their 20s, 30 Deliver
Throughout life, we naturally pick up small pieces of wisdom to put into our arsenals of experiences. From more practical tips like "eat mindfully" and "exercise every day" to corny but deeply universal truths — "stay true to yourself". We always keep an eye out for ways to improve the quality of our lives. Eventually, looking back on the decisions we’ve made, most of us uncover valuable lessons about how to make life more joyful and less problematic.
Unfortunately, far too often, the learning comes too late to prevent painful mistakes and wasted time and effort. Though we don’t have a time machine to take us back and help our past selves, we can at least offer these little pieces of advice to anyone willing to listen. So two months ago, Reddit user morningperzon did precisely that when they asked folks over 40 if they had any pertinent words of wisdom to pass down to people in their 20s.
The comments were immediately flooded with tips and habits from the older generation to give twentysomethings perspective on what's truly important. We at Bored Panda have gathered some of the most enlightening responses from the thread, so we hope you enjoy and get inspired. Be sure to upvote the replies that resonate with you, and share your insightful advice in the comment section below!
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I'm 81 and I really can't distill it down to one thing so here goes:
- Be yourself. Stop trying to live up to others' expectations and do your own thing.
- Get moving! Whether it's bike riding or walking or a gym membership. Just move.
- Eat healthy! Yes, those fast food fries and burgers are easy - but - you will pay for that some time in the future. Start eating healthy so it becomes a habit.
- Be kind to people. If everyone did this, imagine what a world we would live in!
- Become politically active. Support honest, progressive candidates in whatever way you can. And VOTE! F*****g VOTE!
Hugs from Gma.
Don't be afraid to do things by yourself. Go to that show, see the movie, take a day trip. Don't miss out on opportunities because no one will go with you.
Get to know your parents as people. Ask them all about their early lives and about their parents and other relatives. Write these things down if you can.
Before you know it, they will be gone, either physically or mentally and there will be so many things you want to know.
Very, very true. Write s**t down, or record audio or video. Once they're gone, they're gone :-(
Ghost your s**tty friends. They are as much of a liability to your health and future as any other malicious factors in your life right now.
And if you have to ask if they're a s**tty friend, they are a s**tty friend. Ghost them. Now.
VERY few companies out there will ever give a s**t about you. You should never feel any loyalty to them.
And colleagues are no friends even if you spend so much time with them.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. A long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, oh—never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded, but trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
I wish I was as "fat" now as the first time I thought I was "fat"
Take care of your body. Exercise to maintain a healthy weight and good cardiovascular health. As you get older, it's much harder to maintain these.
Something ppl don’t mention about being unhealthy is just how expensive it gets. Eating cheap c**p costs you much more in the end in medical bills, dr’s visits, etc. I bought a yoga mat that I just replaced after a decade and subscribe to a yoga channel on YouTube. Less than pennies a day to work out and be fit/healthy.
Life is short, enjoy! You may have a day or 50 years left, no one knows. Don't put things off for "your golden years".
that goes for 401k (retirement funds) as well. Do not spend your whole life working so they can put "he brought great value to the shareholders" on your tombstone. "Saving for retirement" implies you're going to only do fun stuff at 65. F**k that. You need to be doing fun stuff while your body is not a wreck. Source: me, old person.
Brush your teeth.
Do it.
Whatever it is . Take a trip. Start a band. Move to a new city. Do it now when you aren't as tied to place by obligations.
You can do whatever you want as long as you're willing to live with the consequences.
Your joints are the first thing to wear out--take care of them.
It's never too late to start a new career. Do what you love!
Same here, at 37 I'm starting my BA to become a translator on Monday.
Load More Replies...Save. If your job offers a 401k, take advantage of that. If not, open a savings account and put something in it every pay. Even if you can only afford to put in 5 bucks, it still adds up.
for those who don't speak american, a 401k is what the rest of the planet calls a retirement fund
You don't need to excel, average can be extremely fullfilling.
Aspire to be happy with little achievements.
Failures can open many unexpected windows.
Don’t rush to get married. You’re still figuring out who you are. Date, live together, whatever. Just don’t get married before 30.
Go to the doctor and to the dentist regularly
And if you can, donate blood regularly. Apart from saving other people's lives, it has benefits for your health too. Also, if the donors get a free set of blood tests (they do in my country) you can spot serious health issue quite early. One of my friends was contacted by the transfusion center immediately after donating blood. His blood tests showed something was wrong. He underwent other investigations and was diagnosed with an early stage colorectal cancer. He didn't have any other signs or symptoms. He had surgery and chemo and now he's fine.
If you have a good relationship with your parents, try and see them. It’s frightening how quickly the years pass and suddenly they’re gone. Alzheimer’s also can hit unexpectedly and it’s amazing how much I wish for just a few more hours.
Work hard, but also have fun. That huge paycheck probably isn't worth it, unless you're super materialistic. Having a brand new tesla or a luxury condo is fun for a month, having good friends and balanced life is fun for a lifetime.
If you're addicted to nicotine, stop. If not, don't ever start.
Don’t worry about not getting to certain “milestones” by a particular age (like 25 or 30 or whatever). Everyone’s circumstances are different. If life gets in the way of your goals, just keep at it (and take a pause if you need) until you achieve them.
This is the most common cause of depression (stressing about milestones) and the most important cure is above.
Stretch. Start stretching. Do yoga. Keep stretching. Never get out of the habit. You don't have to be in the best shape to be happy, but stretching makes everything feel better, keeps it feeling good, and means that when you inevitably hurt yourself at some point in the future it's easier to recover.
You may feel invincible now. Every person in their 20s does. And then you hit 30. And you start noticing things like it hurts when you jump down the last two stairs instead of walking down them, or when you wake up, or just, from existing. In my 40s now, and I'm still doing just fine, and find my daily yoga practice matters more than any other exercise I've ever done.
My ankles were sore for a week after I jumped about 5 inches to get a cobweb from the ceiling
Don’t get fat. Losing weight is a brutal fight. It’s mentally draining.
I don't know if you can really control that as a youth. You are kinda at the mercy of your upbringing in that regard. I mean I've been fat since I was a child. My family's eating habits were my eating habits. My parents metabolism was my metabolism. They were fat so I am fat. Losing the weight after the fact is my only option in my reality. I guess the better advise would be to give your children a better relationship with food than you had so they don't have to deal with the side effects of weight gain. Because yes, it is very mentally draining to lose weight on purpose.
Stop obsessing that you need to
A) Be in a relationship
B) Knocked up/Parenting
C) Home Owning vs Renting
in order to "prove" to society your life has entered some larger adult phase.
You are 20. You may think you have it all figured out, and you certainly come with an in-built, unflinching optimism that life will go exactly as you wish as most of you haven't been thoroughly kicked in the face long enough yet by life to lose that rosy impression. However, you are 20. What you want today may not even be possible or relevant in 5 years let alone 20. You still have a lot of growing up to do and you will change.
latest science says brain stops growing at 25. So: please. Just enjoy yourself. Rent. Do not have kids. Do not get married. Travel. Be promiscuous. All that stuff is hard to do once you are in your 30s and are being pressurised to be a grownup.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
I tell my kids that you don't need to know what you want to be, but you have to choose something to be or do first. You can always change your mind later, just don't let it paralyze you into doing nothing at all.
Having kids is a wonderful experience. While I personally think it's the best thing I've ever done it's certainly not for everyone and you will give up a lot of your personal life, hobbies, time alone and everything that you once did for yourself.
Don't stick with wrong people, friends/relationships out of habit or to honor the prior years spent with them. It's ok and normal to outgrow people. Don't waste time on people who no longer bring value to your life. 20s feel like you still have a lot of years left to screw up, but 20s pass in a blink. Train yourself to be self aware. Train yourself to say Nope without apology.
yep I wasted decades with a person who did not appreciate me because I kept up with the sunk cost fallacy. Ditch people who bring negativity.
It is better to regret something you did than something you did not do.
Don't be a d**k tho.
Yep, as a person who was extremely boring in their 20s, this is good advice. Your youth is to be enjoyed. Rather regret doing stupid stuff and don't do it again, than not live and be "safe". Regret means you learnt something.
You can always change your mind. Don't feel like you're locked into a decision because you're embarrassed that maybe you chose the wrong thing. Life is too long.
So much of modern life revolves around social media now. Shut It Off...Frequently. Eat meals, style your hair, go for vacations you never post about. Let calls to voicemail and texts unread. 98% of those items can wait or don't require your response at all. It's depressing to witness a group of friends sitting together in a restaurant and all opting to be on their phones rather than present for each other. You miss a lot of life time staring at your screens.
Don't put yourself in ridiculous amounts of debt trying to portray a certain image. You'll spend your entire life trying to get out of the hole you dug or you'll have to declare bankruptcy.
Set aside enough money to cover 3-6 months of expenses for emergencies just like now. Moreover, save now for your retirement years. It doesn't require much and if you have it taken directly from your paycheck you won't be inclined to not pay yourself first.
The best thing an employer ever did for me was enrol me in a company pension when I started my apprenticeship at 19. I didn't have to choose, I had to do it (before it was a requirement of an employer to make you join a scheme in UK). It's the only bit of getting old I'm not worried about
Enjoy the days of your youth without going overboard. There is nothing wrong with having a good time, yet if you are always waking up wondering what happened last night, why you can't remember how you spent so much money or you always have a hangover; you should tone it down a bit.
Everyone you'll meet has been through some s**t. Try not to judge. Instead, try being empathetic. Curious. Kind.
Also, no one is ever ready for kids.
you are more ready when you are older than when younger, so have them older.
Don't take advice or criticism as a personal attack. Most times the people who care about you have observed behavior in you which is off putting, doesn't reflect who you really are or could be or would make you a more rounded person
you don’t need a significant other to be happy. enjoy your time alone. take it slow and go with the flow. set expectations low. and be grateful for what has happen in your life. reminiscence what you had done in your life. what you cam do to improve. don’t regret anything even if it’s something horrible. accept it and move on with life. learn anything you can. trust me you don’t want to be 40 and feel useless. lastly this is what a friend told me and it has been stuck with me ever since.
take care of yourself cause nobody else is better at taking care of yourself than you . no one else understands you more than you. soo do what makes you happy even if your friends and family thinks it’s weird. if it makes you feel happy do it. you can’t please everybody but you can please yourself
If you don't know *what* your passion is, your job is to find out what your passion is. Then work in that direction.
I'm 46. I was a touring musician for 15 years (up until I was 40), dirt broke, worked in bars when I was home - lived hand to mouth. Would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm a family guy now, with a normal job, but I'll never have a mid life crisis.
By the time you're twenty, your parents have f****d you up somehow. Get therapy. Identify how you're f****d up now and deal with it so you don't have to deal with the monster-sized version of it when you're in your 40s.
If it needs to go on credit and you don’t need it to stay alive (food, medicine, shelter etc) then you can wait until you’ve saved up for it.
Accept that your opinions will change and you may be wrong.
Don't take it all so seriously, personally. Read Vonnegut. "We were put on this planet to fart around."
Don't grow up completely. You can still feel like a kid when you're 53.
Fool around as often as you can. You feel younger with that (I am 62).
Don't think that just because you've been with your partner for so many years you can't start over/you'll never meet anyone/no one will want you. Instead look at it as not wasting your time on someone who doesn't deserve it.
I don't think being with anyone is a waste of time because you always learn something. Even a drug addict who steals your stuff to buy drugs teaches you a lesson about who to not shack up with.
45 YO here. Did most of these myself and have a pretty good life right now:
* Eat right and exercise. You can get away with not doing it right now, but you'll regret it later.
* Live frugally, save money, and invest. Pay off debt if you have it. Don't overspend, especially on impulse, or trying to impress people.
* Make yourself marketable, a college degree is nice, but be ready to work and prove you can get the job done. Way too many useless bullshitters getting by on political games in the corporate world.
* Never give out personal loans
* If you do get married, marry a good person who wants to be a life partner. Life has its ups and downs and you'll need a true life partner for the bad times.
* People usually divorce for three reasons: Money, Sex, and Kids. Make sure you're on the same page before committing.
EDIT: typo
I'm going to post this b/c I know someone young is struggling w/ addiction rn.
Don't waste your life. Don't wake up at 39 and let that s**t hit you like a ton of bricks that you've pissed away half of your life on drugs.
Setting boundaries with people is a kind thing to do. For them and you. Some boundaries are obvious and should never be crossed, but many social boundaries can be hard to totally predict. And how other people react to you telling them your limits is a big test of whether or not you can trust them.
You've reached that age where you can create a family that is not just blood relatives. And you can remove blood relatives from your family.
Do all the s**t you really dont want to do. Go to school, work, save money, be responsible.
Crucify me if you wish but I've told my kids that this life in our current society is about doing s**t you don't want to do so you can do the s**t that makes you happy.
If you decide to get married (this shouldn't and isn't a thing for everyone BTW) make sure it's not just for love but to have a partner and a best friend. I'm so lucky I have a great wife.
Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too, will get old and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Live below your means; if you get a raise, spend like you didn't get it. Or better yet, put the money in a separate account (most places that pay via direct deposit will let you split it up).
Do your best to move on and repair the damage your parents did to you.
It's too easy to get stuck feeling like they did too much for you, didn't do enough, or what they did harmed you and just circling in your mind wishing it went differently.
They may have done it to you, but only you can undo it to yourself.
Don't expect apologies or closure. Sadly, as bad as many parents were, they were actually doing their best. Sometimes their best is still so bad, but they will likely get defensive and it will only deepen the pain.
Don't worry about the future or worry, but know that worrying Is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubble gum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind the kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.
thinking about problems actually does not solve them. The solutions present themselves.
Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past And the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Humans are, at heart, learning machines. If you find yourself bored, it's likely you've mastered (to the best of your current ability) your current interests. It's totally normal to cast about for the next fascinating thing, and to do a deep dive into it. We may be taught that a person ought to stick to one thing forever but, in truth, most of us will switch careers multiple times, switch partners, and drop hobbies. It's more important to be resilient and have good critical thinking, planning, and learning skills than it is to be blindly devoted to any one person, thing, or activity. The only exceptions being offspring and pets/animals. You are 100% responsible for taking care of those within your sphere of influence who have no power, themselves
If you're going to join the military pick the Air Force or Navy so you'll get actual applicable skills to the real world and wont die.
I turn 55 tomorrow.
Retire early so you can still enjoy what life you have left.
Have a work ethic. Show up, do what's told, go home. That does not mean let them walk over you. You don't need your phone. There is always something to do.
Slow down. Actively listen to people in your life. This is a tough skill and I still struggle. It's particularly hard when you "don't know what you don't know". try not to think of the next thing you want to say. But listen, ask questions if you don't understand their concern/statement. People have some wisdom. Hardest part is how to hear it then decide if it's applicable/good for you.
Also life plans don't really work out. Most folk I know altered course. You don't have to go to school x, or have job z, or be married/have kids or whatever at age Y. You are not a failure. You are important and make sure to remember your worth. don't forget to be kind to yourself.
From a non 40+ year old but close enough.
You are the only you out there, and your life is going to be different from everyone elses.
Don't rush or push yourself to decide on your career, life partner, buying propery, or having a kid - or deciding definitively that you don't want or can't have any of these things.
People always feel like everyone around them are way ahead in all these things, but if eveyrone feels that way then no one is behind. That's because everyone does it at their own pace.
Learn to move on from old s**t on your own with getting apologies or "closure" from those who have wronged you.
Now, moving on isn't the same foriving or forgetting, which you may do for the other people. This is what you do for yourself.
In the end, those shitty people have long moved on and are doing fine, while you are the one being punished by your actions and attitudes. It sucks, but it's the truth. Only you can help yourself.
Living well IS the best revenge.
Just want to say that forgiving can definitely be done for yourself w/o ever letting that person know you've forgiven them. You can cut a toxic person out of your life and you don't owe them a thing. Forgiving them can help free up space in your mind and heart and aid in your "moving on" process. But do that on whatever timeline is best and most healthy and helpful for you.
Things get better. Even if they don’t you learn to cope better. The first time going through something is always the worst
Making friends is increasingly awkward as you get older but push through it because other people are wonderful and worth it.
Make your mistakes on someone else’s dime and then do it yourself for yourself.
A well defined problem is half the solution.
Be a Giver and marry a Giver and you will be happy til the day you die.
Listen to some of your parents' advices. Not all advices and not the most absurd ones.
But in general listen to them.
Choose adventures and experiences over material things
Choose kindness and connection
If you like sex, have a lot of it. If you like to party, party a lot. If you like to dance, dance as often as possible. But if you like to drink, be moderate about it to protect your liver
It's your body, feel free to touch it, use it, and advocate for it
My advice is different for someone aged 20-24 than it is for someone aged 25-29. If you're aged 20-24 then even if your life is good you're likely going through the roughest patch of life you'll ever go through. You may not be able to see the light but it's there at the end of the tunnel. Just hunker down and put up the shields for a few more years and don't let stress or depression get you.
My advice once you hit 25 is, your brain is fully developed now and you want to get started fast on making money and finding the friends and partner that you're gonna want for the rest of your life. Now that college is presumably over, your ability to meet new people your own age group as easily as you did in school is greatly diminished. Quality over quantity when it comes to friends.
Get established in a career. The older you get the more opportunities shrink.
I don't find this is true. I find that as you get older you get more confident about networking with strangers and less fussed about what they think of you. As a result, more opportunities show up. The trick is to socialise outside of your peer group. IE not with your current work buddies or your current school buddies. Got to bars where execs hang out, etc.
Starting over isn’t the worst thing. You’ll also be really surprised how your life will turn out in 20 years. Like unrecognizable.
As a teenager I spent most of my time babysitting my sisters. I tried to kill myself. I spent several months in a psychiatric facility. 7 years later I graduated college with an MBA. Getting a job offer right out of college and marrying my (now) ex husband soon after that.
At 43 I realized my life was boring. I made great money. Enough to retired early. And start freelancing. I also realized I was a lesbian. So I got a divorce. Started dating this girl. And became her MommyDom.
If you were to ask me at any point in my life if I’d see myself where I actually ended up a couple years later I would’ve called you crazy. I thought my life was over in the psych facility. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with the man I married.
Vote younger people into office. You can only b***h about Boomers so much if you don't take action and get those old white Republicans out of office. Look at all they've done lately. F*****g vote!
If you are planning to have kids, do so as soon as you are able to—financially that is. Do not wait. There is never a perfect time for that. If you wait for too long, you will be too tired to chase your kids and enjoy them fully.
The answer is 35-37. Before that you will bankrupt yourself. After that you will be too tired.
QUIT DRINKING! Im 40 years old and ive been drinking damn well every day since i was 19. Today marks my 15th day since i took a drop and i know its been a short time but man what a wake up call. I feel more energized. I feel great at wake up. Im more focused. My mind is clear. I know its only been only 2 weeks but i can not imagine what else to explore with my new found fresh air!
An AA sponsor of mine once told me that recovery could be really hard, draining, and full of emotional upheavals. I was nodding my head and saying, "oh, I know, I know." Then he said "or... it can be easy, exciting, and fun! And you get to choose." It's been almost 8 years since my last drink, and guess what? It's been easy, exciting, and fun. Keep on going! It just gets better and better and better!
Load More Replies...Definitely over 40 here and here’s mine: don’t be ashamed of your hobbies and interests (unless they are felonies). That love of Star Trek that got you bullied at school may be the thing that holds you together when you get depression at 30.
Invest a few hours per week (or per month) into doing volunteer work with a community organization. And try different kinds of volunteer work over the years. Helping improve the lives of other people will also improve your life. And then when you get old, you will have all kinds of connections with people in your local area instead of being alone in a house full of stuff that you collected.
"As we get older, shedding baggage along the way, we must keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. It preserves the soul from dessication." - Humphrey Lyttleton
See, actually pay attention to, others. Smile and give them a heartfelt compliment. Notice a vibrant colour they picked, a quote they are wearing and comment on that. You will have spread happiness. Notice old ppl, disabled people don't be afraid to ask if you can help. Be kind to every kind.
From a 61 year old: Before you spend money on something for yourself because "I work hard and I deserve it!", do the math and figure out how many hours or days you'll have to work to pay for it. You'll often discover you don't need it after all.
Wait until your 40s to have children. I don't know if I'd been as calm and relaxed about having children even in my mid-30s. My oldest is 5 and was born just days before my 40th. My baby is 2 and was born a few months after I turned 42. We were in a decent place financially and our relationship was a decade old before I even thought I was ready to have them. I guess that comes down to wait until you're financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to have children even if you're 40.
I'm 42 (will be 43 next month) and my very best advice I can give is to rid your life of negative people. Sometimes those negative people are family and it may seem impossible to do but we can love others from a distance to better our own lives. Negative people bring on negative feelings/negative energy and it will exhaust you. Also always remember as long as you are trying you NEVER fail. So be cool with yourself. You really are okay.
My advice - take care of your health and save as much money as you can. After these, do whatever you want.
Way over 40, my advice is to put down your phone, no one wants to see what you're doing. Enjoy life, make memories, laugh and meet people ...
Question everyone. Left or right, liberal or conservative. They only care about their own status and power. We are just pawns to them.
In the US we don't teach our children financial education in HS nor college (though I'm sure macro economics helped someone some where...). Know what the rich tell their children that the the poor don't. Teach yourself and take control of your future and make sure your kids get an education on this. Our schools only teach how to be a good cog in the machine... Not how to free themselves from the machine. Know the difference between an asset and a liability, buy the A and sell the L's...
Quit whatever causes you drama and learn to pick your battles. Not everything and everyone is worth the effort and your mental health will be so much better for it.
Invest in your hobbies, as they contribute to your mental wellbeing, and your mental wellbeing is one of the most important things ever.
QUIT DRINKING! Im 40 years old and ive been drinking damn well every day since i was 19. Today marks my 15th day since i took a drop and i know its been a short time but man what a wake up call. I feel more energized. I feel great at wake up. Im more focused. My mind is clear. I know its only been only 2 weeks but i can not imagine what else to explore with my new found fresh air!
An AA sponsor of mine once told me that recovery could be really hard, draining, and full of emotional upheavals. I was nodding my head and saying, "oh, I know, I know." Then he said "or... it can be easy, exciting, and fun! And you get to choose." It's been almost 8 years since my last drink, and guess what? It's been easy, exciting, and fun. Keep on going! It just gets better and better and better!
Load More Replies...Definitely over 40 here and here’s mine: don’t be ashamed of your hobbies and interests (unless they are felonies). That love of Star Trek that got you bullied at school may be the thing that holds you together when you get depression at 30.
Invest a few hours per week (or per month) into doing volunteer work with a community organization. And try different kinds of volunteer work over the years. Helping improve the lives of other people will also improve your life. And then when you get old, you will have all kinds of connections with people in your local area instead of being alone in a house full of stuff that you collected.
"As we get older, shedding baggage along the way, we must keep an iron grip, to the very end, on the capacity for silliness. It preserves the soul from dessication." - Humphrey Lyttleton
See, actually pay attention to, others. Smile and give them a heartfelt compliment. Notice a vibrant colour they picked, a quote they are wearing and comment on that. You will have spread happiness. Notice old ppl, disabled people don't be afraid to ask if you can help. Be kind to every kind.
From a 61 year old: Before you spend money on something for yourself because "I work hard and I deserve it!", do the math and figure out how many hours or days you'll have to work to pay for it. You'll often discover you don't need it after all.
Wait until your 40s to have children. I don't know if I'd been as calm and relaxed about having children even in my mid-30s. My oldest is 5 and was born just days before my 40th. My baby is 2 and was born a few months after I turned 42. We were in a decent place financially and our relationship was a decade old before I even thought I was ready to have them. I guess that comes down to wait until you're financially, emotionally, and mentally prepared to have children even if you're 40.
I'm 42 (will be 43 next month) and my very best advice I can give is to rid your life of negative people. Sometimes those negative people are family and it may seem impossible to do but we can love others from a distance to better our own lives. Negative people bring on negative feelings/negative energy and it will exhaust you. Also always remember as long as you are trying you NEVER fail. So be cool with yourself. You really are okay.
My advice - take care of your health and save as much money as you can. After these, do whatever you want.
Way over 40, my advice is to put down your phone, no one wants to see what you're doing. Enjoy life, make memories, laugh and meet people ...
Question everyone. Left or right, liberal or conservative. They only care about their own status and power. We are just pawns to them.
In the US we don't teach our children financial education in HS nor college (though I'm sure macro economics helped someone some where...). Know what the rich tell their children that the the poor don't. Teach yourself and take control of your future and make sure your kids get an education on this. Our schools only teach how to be a good cog in the machine... Not how to free themselves from the machine. Know the difference between an asset and a liability, buy the A and sell the L's...
Quit whatever causes you drama and learn to pick your battles. Not everything and everyone is worth the effort and your mental health will be so much better for it.
Invest in your hobbies, as they contribute to your mental wellbeing, and your mental wellbeing is one of the most important things ever.