50 Of The Funniest Tweets From Parents Who Were Just Trying To Get Through August

This is literally hilarious.

Ouch that hurts even more than scrolling down the effing 'year of birth calendar' for centuries before finding yours.

You were laughing but she was probably really bummed out she didn't get it.

They wrote on walls, and now they are all DEAD!!

"I'm hungry!"

Can I steal this? I’m stealing it

This is my life goals right here

My new favourite away message!

When you try to think of a funny comment but forget what the heck you’re going to say so just explain your situation to the world and damn I’m thinking & typing at the same time again.

…and making sure no one touches the thermostat

Also, its spelt B-E-S-T!

The killer is when Mommy Cocktail simply hasn't lost the pregnancy weight from giving birth to kiddo. Sending you a bottle of bourbon, Mommy Cocktail.

My favorite quote from Modern Family: I'm a mom travelling with her kids. That's not a vacation, that's a business trip.

Speaking from experience, meep?

I’ve been camping my whole life 😳

Pure

Method actor in making

Teacher here - relatable ;)

Lol, that's my 7. Me: Don't forget to brush your teeth! Her: Great! This is going to be the worst day of my life!

Congratulations!! I need to teach my kids AND my wife how to do that!

He is now more confident

When the bird witches call, you go.

For some reason that is very funny

Creeeeeeeeeepppyyyy__

Oh, shoot. This reminds me of the time that my brother-in-law had an asthma attack. He asked his young son to get his inhaler, and the son continued playing videogames while his Dad was fighting for breath. The son has since grown up and turned out great, but that was a rough day.

I'm tired of babysitting my moms grandkids every day.

Me too

I add the kid's name to the "company" field

Also, none of the stuff on the supply list is in stock anywhere and has to be ordered especially. No switching brands!

Nope. Just took the stroller in there . Why shake the ticking time bomb?

Almost!? Who is this legendary other kid?

17 is breakfast /j

When are they due? Tomorrow.

You'll walk out with more money from Bora Bora than Target.

Bet you hate the rule now: "there are no favorites in our house."

Always easier to remember we love them when they're still and quiet.

“Thanks I hate it”

Future politician in the making.

🙏🙏🙏

Your daughter’s a prodigy!

Never a truer tweet tweeted than this tweet

And don't forget the green thumb!

Surprise!

LOL! When my middle child was 4 she started singing a song in the back seat which really was just her screaming "SPIDERS DON'T EXIST RIGHT NOW!". There was a spider outside her window, and she was just wishing as hard as she could.

Good point!

My three year olds mueslibar broke in two pieces. Can you imagine his rage?

I don't see the problem here. Parents are allowed to have a life.

Start walking away ... they usually get separation anxiety, panic and get out by themselves.

Ha ha ha ha *slaps thighs*

Have you noticed? Furniture designs went from 'as low as possible' to Roomba accessible.

My son put a piece of a gummy bear up his nose when he was 2. My husband PANICKED. I sat there laughing. Fell out of my chair laughing when son sneezed and that gummy bear head rocketed across the room and stuck to the wall.

“Cry juice” is what I call it

My cats think there’s an imaginary being in the house. Should I call the priest yet?

Tell them you'll give them a prize of a choclate bar for whoever draws the best picture of you sleeping.

it's a relic from the olden times, the long-long ago

Now you’ve got it stuck in my head 😫

Better than what my best friend did. She went all super mom and outlined itty bitty foot prints leading up to her daughter's bed in red glitter. ( Hardwood throughout the house) kid wakes up, reaches under the pillow, grabs the $5 under there, then looks at the floor and starts screaming hysterically! "Mommy the tooth fairy was bleeding from her feet." (How do we know the progression of events? Mom was peeking of course!)

"I'm not angry, just disappointed"

Better than being their Kleenex.

So no more "I guess you'll starve" then? My mom said this to us and now that she's a gran to my nephew/nieces she asks s**t like "Would you like triangles or rectangles? I'll cut them into hearts if you like?"

Any stranger offering me liquorice can go straight to hell. You picked the wrong kid bud.

3 weeks ago my son decided that he does not want blueberries ever again.

THAT INFURIATING-

I don't get it. Why have kids if you don't even enjoy it? I know it's not all fun a rainbows, but it seems like there's a certain mentality out there where it's like 'parenthood sucks, I hate my life, must drink wine to survive!' If that's really true, why do that to yourself? If not, why are you saying something so awful about your children? Odds are, they're eventually going to see what you said about them.

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