Raising tiny humans is hard, there’s no doubt about it. My utmost respect goes to the loving parents and dedicated educators out there who are helping to mold a brighter, better future for us all.
But putting all the accolades aside, parenting in itself is one hell of a strategic set of moves where small steps go a long way. And there are so many tactics from ‘how to’ and ‘what not to do’ when raising kids that they inevitably stir some debate. I mean, some parenting trends are really controversial—just think of family TikTok accounts. Some say it's an awesome way to communicate and spread the message, others think it may promote negative experiences often tied with social media.
So who’s right? We may not exactly know, but we can find out what common parenting trends people see as nonsense. “What parenting 'trend' do you strongly disagree with?” asked a Redditor called Qquackie and the answers started pouring in. Below are some of the most interesting ones!
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It seems like there are as many parenting tactics as there are parents. This year, we see new trends emerging, from mindful usage of the internet to parents getting support from online groups, and gender-neutral parenting. The last trend is especially liked for millennial parents who are no longer willing to fit their children in society's predefined boxes but want to allow them to experiment, experience and express themselves.
Other new trends include “baby budgeting,” with parents of newborns getting a whole more money-savvy. Baby budget calculators and charity shops are on the rise as parents seem to have finally realized you don’t need to spend a fortune on shoes every other month as your child is growing.
Letting your kids run amok everywhere and then being furious when other people are annoyed. I'm an older mom. I was raised with the idea that you have a social contract with others to not be a pain in the a**. I don't let my kids go nuts in public. When they are having a hard time, we leave. I don't expect them to be angels for hours in adult situations, but being told to not be loud and crazy at the grocery or in line somewhere is not child abuse. Letting your kids be a hellion that everyone else cringes to see is so unfair to your kids.
So agree with this. So many parents let their kids scream and throw things in stores or public places and hold to their "let them scream it out" philosophy. No, the kid has had enough of being in that situation, you take them outside. I also have an ASD and ADHD child so yes it is possible to remove them from a situation they are not enjoying whilst also being mindful to people around you also. I've had to pack up and leave so many situations for this reason, restaurants, shops, public transport (and walk a couple of miles in the rain instead). It is possible and you learn what the tolerances of your kids are, noisy bright places were generally no go areas for me.
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places
not educating your kids about sex because it's an "uncomfortable topic"
It's better teaching them properly than them learning about it in the school yard from other kids. I sat down with my daughter when she was 8-9 and watched "What is happening to me" and "Where did I come from". They are cartoon style but informative and then afterwards we had a chat about what she saw and if she had any questions. I also made sure she knows she can come to me and ask me anything and I will answer the best I can. I believe it is important to have open lines of communication.
Brilliant. I couldn't agree with you more here. Open lines of communication are so important xx
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Also teach your kids the correct names for their body parts. It is critical
Someone told me I had a dic*k in elementary school and it’s stuck for 43 years
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It is a little awkward and uncomfortable but has to be done. Caught my 12 year old looking at porn and my first thought was wow I should have had this talk sooner. Tried to not embarrass him. Didn't punish. Basically it was I get you're curious and that's OK. I don't know a single guy that doesn't look at porn at least occasionally. But at any age, especially yours when you're still developing, it can also be damaging. What you saw doesn't reflect real sex at all.
Yes! People underestimate the effects porn can have on people in general but especially kids. It gives them not only unrealistic expectations and representations of sex, it can cause serious body image issues. Then these kids grow up thinking something's wrong with them or every person they try to have a sexual relationship with because they are expecting something from a porno in real life. I just found out my 12 year old has been looking too, so we are very soon to be having a chat as well!
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When I was old enough to start asking questions, my mum got me age-appropriate books on anatomy. I never had 'the talk' but I had access to enough reading material I never really needed it.
Ooooo, this one makes me so mad!!! From the time my kid was about 2 I would educate her on the proper name for her body parts. I wanted her to know what they were called. I used the scientific names and let her know it was normal to talk about her body. She is 15 now and has conversations with me about her period and her body because it's normal and she knows I won't shame her. She knows she can talk to me about sex too because I have shown her from the beginning that these are natural human experiences and that I can handle the convos with her. I am hoping that this will lead her to have a much more healthy adult experience in life. I hope!
Aww :). I don't talk with my mom much about those things, so when I started having periods that only happened once every four or five months, I didn't tell her. I told her in January, though. I don't really know if I'll actually get checked for anything, though, but my mother believes it to be a hereditary issue.
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Teach your kids about sex. Teach them the PROPER names for their body parts. Teach them about rules for their body (bodily autonomy). Teach them about puberty (male AND female no matter what gender they are). Teach them about contraceptives. There's no reason for a grown man not to know what periods are. There's no reason people should be getting pregnant bc they dont know what causes pregnancy or how to prevent it. Teacher your kids.
Yes! This is very important imo! And in different stages/ways. Kids are curious and it's better to take their questions as they come and not be afraid of the subject. Don't get afraid when your younger kid starts asking about sex, it doesn't mean that they want to have sex - they are curious and if they start talking with you about it it means they invite you in. If you don't talk about it then they probably won't ask you when they are older. Sex is only uncomfortable to talk about if you make it uncomfortable.
I will say that if you give your kids access to a reputable source about sex, that can be OK. Scarleteen is a good one, and the magazines I read when I was a teenager had articles about stuff like contraception and other things we need to do for sexual health, like Pap smears.
We had 'Dolly doctor' when I was a teenager, but that isn't in print any more. It had some good facts about that, as well as healthy relationships etc.
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YES!!!. it's being sneaky, acting like it's dirty, & pretending it doesn't exist that screws people up over their own innate, natural sexuality. It should be a form of mental abuse & neglect. PLEASE don't give your kids weird/Dirty/secretive vibes by not ever mentioning it to them. Speak in a chill, matter of fact tone (I know..I know... hard to do when you were taught to feel bad about sex, but I believe in you!!!) If they giggle, giggle with them and say yeah, isn't it funny? Or something to put them at ease with it... give them a book that speaks about sexuality, their bodies, changes they will go through, masturbation as something totally normal & fine, but private for just them, as well as their body. Try to go for education vibes, but in a fun way. I've had 4 kids now, have had the talk with them all, & it's usually quite funny & bonding once they open up &ask you all the burning questions they've always wanted to ask someone!
My boys (7 and 9) know about periods and how babies are made, just tell them in a way that a child would understand.
My parents were of the opinion "Old enough to ask, old enough to know". Explained of course at my level of ability to understand. If my brain/thinking has reached a level of asking, then my brain/thinking is old enough to understand an answer. Although, the first simple explanation having started with my questions at the age of 6, the next morning (Sunday) and we were getting ready for church, apparently I marched into my parents room while my mom was getting dressed, put my hands on my hips and blurted out "Why didn't Mary have to have a 'squirm'?" Yes mom. Please do explain the immaculate conception! Old enough to ask, old enough to know.
Also, teach your sons as well because if you don't teach them what is and is NOT appropriate behavior, someone else will, and it might just be a pedophile. Make sure your kids understand what is an inappropriate conversation topic with older teens and adults and especially what is inappropriate touching, showing, or suggestions of such. What they don't know can hurt them. Make sure they understand that it is ALWAYS okay to come to you if they have any questions or concerns. Lastly, make sure they know that unless they hear it from YOU, nothing is okay just because another adult said it was and that includes relatives.
You don't need to "teach" them as such. If you just honestly answer their questions in a factual fashion then they'll learn and, furthermore, they will learn at the pace that is appropriate for them.
literall 5 year olds talk about sex or swear all day like its a big deal to know some words
If they are mature enough to ask, parents should be mature enough to answer
My daughter came home with a question and learned all the biological facts and functions. That education continued with social and emotional understanding of sex and relationships, physical safety, STIs, protection, etc. until she was about 16/17 years old by which time she didn't need any more info from me. Ended up that other parents sent their kids to me because they were too "embarrassed" to talk to their kids. Unbelievable. Yeah, so I gave practical and accurate and comprehensive sex ed to many, many kids.
I am unsure about this. As to when and how. A colleague at work told us this “cute” story when she educated their 6 or so year old and how they were talking about what they had to put where if they wanted a baby, basically on the playground. And that kinda isn’t how I would like to do it. But the again I don’t yet know when is the right time to which extend. But we all should agree that proper education is important. Preferably before the first period as example. Know someone who thought she was gonna die now as she didn’t know what was happening. And this is a memory for life...
You can talk to kids about this at almost all ages as soon as they understand spoken language. There are age appropriate books available at any library or online shop. A 3 year old is happy with the answer "from the mummy's belly" to the question "where do babies come from?" A six year old can have an age appropriate explanation of body parts "fitting together" like puzzle pieces. That's how it was explained to me at age 6 in school.
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I wish more people would do this!In the society that we leave on we cant be tabu about topics like this.I teach my kids from a Very young age about,I was abuse from very close family members & strangers from an early age,I can only remember some stuff but not all & I think at times it's better not to,I do remember my mother talking to me about it but never once I remembered saying "if a cousin or uncle or grandpa"until it was too late. & I had buried it by then.Its very important we do start very early & make them feel comfortable talking about it.
They'll hear it from you, or someone else.. God knows what they have to listen to- be the first one to talk to your kids about this!!
If you can’t bear to talk to your kids about sex, perhaps you are not ready for the sex to make the Kids in the first place
Also doing it far too late when the school has already taught it and everyone else knows about it is just awful. Don't make your teenagers sit down and tell them about how mummy and daddy (you) made them. That's just cruel. Do it just before school does and be informative and not vague about it. Sugar coated information is not information. Best way is to explain it when they're still young enough that their response is "ew, gross", obviously you can then tell them it's natural and not gross, but much better than waiting and telling them waaaay too late when they already found out from other kids and experimented because it sounded cool.
Haha, my childhood friend (two years older than me) just reminded me how I was THAT SCHOOLYARD KID who told where babies come from, and how uncomfortable it was when she asked her parents if I was telling the truth. For some reason my mom was very straightforward with this topic. I remember how she warned me about rapists when I was like 5 or 6 years old, nothing TOO explicit I think because for some reason I believed it meant that someone attacks you in a shower with a whip. But anyways, I never was very good or even average at school but at least I excelled at sex ed *facepalm*
Tip from me: You're kid will not go to you to ask about this kind of stuff if ur gonna interrogate them about why they're asking. It's fine to ask but make sure it's a no stress/no judgement situation or else they probably won't go to you.
What surprises me, is that at 61, I had much better sex education/health education (in the US) than my children had made available to them. We started about 4th grade, with the teachers giving us the science part of the reproduction system, and how everything works with both males and females. At that age, we didn't really ask too many questions, because we just didn't quite "get" it. But they kept giving us classes every year, and as we got older, we got more information about the actual sex part of it, along with the repercussions of unprotected sex, etc. It was never a morality lesson, simply health. My mother loved it, because she didn't have to explain it to us, she said.
Totally. We've been really open with our kids since they were little. If they had questions about body parts, we just answered them! As they got older and asked about sex, I just sat them down and explained in a way they could understand and that dialogue has carried on into their young adulthood. My kids are girls so I always wanted them to be fully educated about their bodies, so that they make informed choices as adults. I also didn't want them being terrified of their periods either. I was utterly surprised to know that some of their high school fiends had no idea what was happening to them when they started their periods - and that's just about 8 years ago! I also didn't have much choice in a lot of this because they would freely barge into the bathroom when I was in there and inevitably wanted to know what was going on if they saw I had my period.
My parents weren't afraid to have that discussion with me because they knew that it was important.
This is beyond scary. I work with Middle School kids in the south ( I say that because of the cut off times for starting school we have 8th graders who are about to be 15) and they'll casually bring up people they have crushes on or something and then you realize they don't even know the basic pre-sex stuff. I'm terrified these kids will meets someone who is aware and convinces them or tricks them into doing something. I mean that's always happened in history but it seems like now these kids don't even have a fighting chance to avoid these issues.
This one I’m so glad I got, I was educated by 3-4 on how’s and what’s, and then again at 10-11 with the detailed stuff. I have an extremely low bed room count compared to friends with no or way too late sex talks. Even things as small as vaginal health, not wearing wet swimmers, don’t use Vaseline as lube etc so much vagina abuse just from not educating your daughters.
The schools in Mn. have been teaching this subject for decades. In my youth, one x in 5th grade and done. (1968) By 1980, there was more instruction given. By the time my children got to 8th grade, even more, details were taught. My folks (1945 or so) got nothing.... my mom was unaware til the 1st time of her cycle. Dad? you would have thought raised on a dairy farm he would have been more knowledgeable. My mom had to explain that cows and humans have things in common.
Age-appropriate biology and sex education. 100% in favor of AGE APPROPRIATE education.
When we brought a sex-ed type class to the Unitarian Church, I was amazed how many people mentioned they did not want to teach the topic to their kids. My lesson was a basic video in grade school with my mother. She gave me all the supplies and some pamphlets then said "If you have any questions just ask". I so wish we'd had more information. That's why I was happy to bring back sex-ed at the church. It was a great class called Our Whole Lives.
This is not a new "trend". It is actually less of a trend than it used to be. Even schools in certain parts of the country teaching abstinence-only is just going back to how all schools everywhere taught it when I was young, if they mentioned it at all. There are tons of resources to help parents with these issues now. My parents had to wing it. Most of my friends' parents didn't even try. Because sex was such a taboo topic in the media, I didn't even know enough to have any questions about it until I was at least 12. That is probably unheard of today.
it's not something forbidden. it's not something they should do until they're older, but you still want to educate them well beforehand
Schoolslessons in biology do that right
I so agree with this I started to talk to my girls about consent and sex ( age appropriate) as soon as they were able to understand ( using age appropriate books) we talk about periods and when they ask a question I answer as honestly as I can. And now that there intheir teens they talk to me honestly and know I won't judge them and will always tell them the truth ( although sometimes blushing lol) it's important for kids to understand how intimate relationships wo
Work and how they shouldn't Too many girls I know where pressured into situations they didn't want to be in because they didn't understand .
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Or misinformation! My mom, who was a prude even in 1950's standards, always taught me I would never enjoy sex until I was married. Like the wedding ring is an aphrodisiac or something.
Oh, and masturbation? Good girls don't even think of that!!
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One of my classmates thought she could get pregnant by hugging a boy she wasnt related to untill we were told avout it in class... we were high school JUNIORS
Difficult as it is, it's vital today. It's not school yard chatter anymore it's full on access to porn. No talk about consent, what's right, what's wrong, what respect is and even what bodies Look like normally not those with labiaplasty work. I got a very poor sex ed because my school did the very basics at 11 and the more detailed around 14-15. I moved schools and the second school had already covered it. As a result I only had the most ignorant understanding. My parents told me a little when I was 8, lucky as I started my periods at 9. I'm Asexual so luckily wasn't bothered but only found out about That in my mid 40s. Parents, schools they both have a duty and sadly as young as possible in this Internet every where world 😔
Actually, my parents never taught me about sex. I found out when I was 10 or 11 at school
I heard my school mates talking about it so asked my mum, she handed me a magazine with scant info on periods. I was very grateful for school sex education!!
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Regan's and the GOP Christian Moral Majority abstinence only sex education was the backbone of me being the father of 3 by age 16. Pre-interlink days, sex ed was hard to come by back in those days. We teach children the dangers and consequences of drugs, and only teach abstinence only and body shame normal healthy body development and functions. We need to educate our kids.
I'm nursing my baby at the moment and my 6 year old keeps calling me "booby boob pants" what should I do? Hahaha
The facts. Encourage him to use proper names for things as well. Too often kids get teased or bullied by schoolmates for using 'babyish' euphemisms. It becomes a habit and they come out with it and get laughed at and mocked. Seen it happen.
Load More Replies... If you're uncomfortable discussing topics that you think are uncomfortable, you're not fit to be a parent.
I'm uncomfortable due to my upbringing, yet push myself to do the talks. And look really confident and comfortable in the process 😅
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Avoiding topics you feel uncomfortable with (sex, drugs, violence, relating to people who are different than you) have always had great results. Just do what’s comfortable for you and the kid will be just fine 🙄
Well, since you asked, in the Netherlands, where age appropriate sex es starts in Kindergarten, the teenage pregnancy rate is 3 girls per 1000. The US and our system of no education or abstinence only, 18 put of 1000. Numbers don't lie.
Load More Replies...According to Parent Circle, a new parenting trend that emerged during the pandemic has to do with dads. Turns out they too had an opportunity to rethink work-life balance, made better use of the situation and established a new approach to parenting. The extra family time was not just rewarding but also an eye-opener for the men regarding the responsibility of childcare and household work. Prior to the pandemic, mothers were taking on the biggest share of those responsibilities.
A study run by the scholars of the University of Utah, Ball State University and the University of Texas showed that the number of couples who split childcare duties rose to 56% during the pandemic in the US. The percentage was only 45% before the pandemic hit.
All of the "wine mom" merch, down to shirts for children that say horrible things like: "I'm the reason Mommy drinks"
Like, dress it up as much as you want, but "alchololism" isn't cute, as much as you want to convince yourself of it. Let alone, clothing for your CHILD who didn't ask to be born, to be treated like their existence is a burden to you. I've seen stuff like this in the kids section, from infancy to middle school sizes.
That's a trauma trifecta right there.
It is sad and concerning how much normalized is being an alcoholic. Its very obvious in TV and movies; everytime the main character (or a friend) has a rough patch the only solution is to get wasted. I am sorry but having a bottle of wiskey in your working desk or drinking every day is not cool is an adiction that should not be encouraged.
When I was a teenager my parents took away the door to my room.
It's normal for teenagers to pull away from their parents, I guess this wasn't acceptable to her and she wanted to keep an eye on me at all times.
I still have severe issues relating back to this one action. This is after years of therapy and no contact.
To anyone considering this as some form of "punishment", Let me stop you right there. Nothing will get your child to disown you faster than not giving them privacy.
I think she got the idea from Dr.phil Useless c*nts, the both of them.
privacy is not a privilege it is a necessity that everyone deserves
That thing where they pretend they got their kids a ps5 for example, the kids are freaking out with excitement, but then its just a ps5 box filled with books or something.
Why don't you just show children how to love books instead? Books are not a punishment or should be part of a prank
No wonder so many parenting tactics and trends are so controversial. Not only do parents argue among themselves over who’s right in adopting the best method to raise their kids, childfree people are often equally opinionated. But whatever parenting method mom and dads would choose, we like to think they all know what’s best for their kids. But is it really true?
Well, to find out, we spoke with Susan Petang, a certified life coach who runs The Quiet Zone Coaching. Susan is helping those who struggle with stress find relief, manage their fears, and build self-confidence so they can wake up happy in the morning. “As our children grow, they slowly start to separate from us,” she told us. “From the 'Terrible Twos' to the pains of adolescence, the purpose of the journey is to teach our kids how to be independent, happy, and healthy adults who give something to the world around them.”
I don’t know how much of a trend it was but on TikTok, there was a trend of parents throwing away their kid's art in front of them and the parents would like laugh while the kid was sobbing.
That’s f**ked up! Of course, you can’t keep every artwork your kid makes but you throw it away when they aren’t home or asleep. My mom used to wait until I was asleep and throw it away in the outside can
The kids I babysit their parents ask me to take their art they do with me so it doesn’t pile up but I tell them I’m keeping it because it’s so good
There’s no reason to make your kid feel like they aren’t a good artist or just feel like their parents don’t care for some TikTok views
Making children hug people they are not comfortable with.
Thanks COVID for this... No more hugs or kissing hello or goodbye for everyone
Letting the kid make all the choices. I believe kids should have reasonable choices, like what their snack is and the character that's on their bedspread, but you can't let your 3 year old decide when you're allowed to leave your house. The world doesn't work that way.
Susan explained that if you're making all the decisions for your children, they're not learning how to make decisions for themselves. “You're not going to be around forever to advise and guide them; they have to learn to do it alone.”
“Let your kids have some control over things in their lives that are appropriate to their age. For example, even a 7-year-old can decide what they want to wear (as long as it's weather-appropriate and clean). The idea is to let them learn how the world works, how to interact with others, and how to make wise decisions,” Susan said and added that they'll never accomplish that if you make all their decisions for them.
'My son/daughter is my best friend.'
No, they aren't. They have their own friends and have the agency to choose them for themselves. Over the course of a lifetime, they will have several 'best friends' but they will only have one father and mother.
Your job is to be a parent. You can't do that properly if you are trying to be a friend.
Creating social media channels for your children where they proceed to upload videos and photos of their kids. Perfect place for pedophiles.
Parents who punish their kids for speaking up or otherwise explaining something, saying that they're "talking back". I honestly don't get why most parents refuse to admit they're not always right sometimes. Besides, what if their kid one day comes up to them and says another adult is touching them inappropriately?
Susan argues that when people feel their lives are out of control (even teens), they will get super stressed out trying to find something they CAN control. So she invited parents to stop and ask themselves, “is that what you want for your kids?”
Oh man, I’m a nanny and work in daycare. I can talk so much about this.
One is late potty training. Waiting to potty train a child is more and more common. Which I generally agree with. Wait until they’re 2.5-3 and knock it out. Some take longer, some are probably ready earlier. Better than rushing it and causing issues.
What this has turned into. Not potty training. I nanny a 4 year old that is still in pull ups. She is more than capable of using the potty.
Our 4 year old classroom just installed a diaper genie because so many 4 year olds are starting preschool in diapers.
My best friend who is a Kindergarten teacher had 2 kids start kindergarten in diapers. Luckily they’re potty trained now.
My son wasn't toilet trained until almost 5 and that wasn't due to lack of trying. My friends daughter was still wearing pull ups to bed at the age of 8 and again that wasn't through lack of trying. Some kids have developmental issues that make things a bit harder or takes them longer to learn.
The “bulldozer” parent - ie the parent who removes all obstacles/challenges from a child’s life so they don’t learn about perseverance, problem solving, failure (sometimes you can try hard and still not get the reward) and learning from mistakes - unless the goal is to develop a highly anxious person - then, being a bulldozer parent is great.
Abusing the talents of your child just to boost your self image in society
Lot lot of parents do this. And think of how the child feels sometimes they don't want to do that sport but.....their parents make them. And it got to make them unhappy
The social media trend that keeps upping the expectations for birthday parties and any celebration connected to a kid.
When I was a kid, birthdays consisted of a handmade invitation made by me, a cake from the grocery store, food that my Mom cooked and then inviting some friends and family over for games.
Today's expectation is that every monthversary and half-birthday consist of a huge arch of balloons that will end up in the trash, a customized three-tier fondant cake, gift wrapping that color-coordinates with the themed party favors and of course, a very intentional outfit for the numerous photo ops that will take up most of the day. Anything for the 'gram, right?
Don't even get me started on gender reveal announcements.
I was on a mums group and one of the mums was asking about what people did for their child's first birthday or christmas and some of the suggestions was insane. Like a 1 year old doesn't need a bouncy castle, farm animals etc. A 1 year old doesn't understand. For both my kids first birthdays AND christmases, they received necessities like clothing for the following year, shoes, bedding, 1 or 2 age appropriate toys and a couple of books. And definitely no birthday party. Just some family for coffee and cake with a store bought $5 chocolate mud cake. In saying all that, each to their own. If they want to waste their money then that is their choice.
Allowing kids to constantly mess with pets, even when the pet is giving warnings that they'll attack soon.
Parents, this is a pretty solid way to start teaching kids about consent from the get go.
And at wildlife parks, and aquariums, I’m constantly drilling parents about things like - your 5 yr ok’d just threw a live starfish from the touch pool - maybe teach your little s**t how to handle a delicate animal and maybe both bond over learning about the starfish. Don’t just sit on your damn phone and let your C. Goblins run anarchy in the touch pools. They aren’t stuffed animals they are living beings
Not setting clear boundaries. You are the adult, not the kid. Children benefit sooo much more from clear rules and consequences.
Setting boundaries isn't normally the problem. Keeping the boundaries (by both parents) is.
Not believing the teacher ever. “My kid never lies to me”.
Seriously. Parents absolutely should be their kid’s biggest supporter. But support sometimes means holding the kid responsible when they don’t do the right thing.
A kid is a kid, and kids will tell lies. Not to be malicious, but because their brain sometimes just goes 'which outcome will get me in the least amount of trouble?'.
Fake “Gentle Parenting”
You hear and see so many parents letting their children do whatever they want, no matter how destructive, rude or hurtful their behaviours are. Parents find themselves beholden to the whims of their childrens’ emotions in the name of gentle parenting, instead of true gentle parenting where (so I hear) boundaries are set alongside validating emotions.
THIS!! Life is full of boundaries, of no's, of not always getting what we want. Children MUST learn this
Pretending that not parenting is parenting.
'I wont tell my child to stop kicking your leg repeatedly because i don't want to crush his spirit!'
Not saying no to your child. They have to learn to deal with a no sometimes, and having a chat about why it is no and whether it could be a yes another time is also an important part of them learning to deal with no.
Life is often filled with failures, that is what makes success all the sweeter. I don't understand the "everyone is a winner" thing. All that does is make it more difficult to overcome disappointment later in life, such as not getting a job after an interview. I just don't get it.
Talking down to kids and making them feel stupid. Sure maybe at 5 they aren't the most intellectual people, but 9/10 year old are smarter then people give them credit for. Don't talk to then like they are stupid because they are not. The only thing that does is lower their self esteem and makes them feel small.
Saying “what goes on in this house, stays in this house.” I know hundreds of victims of abuse, go through years of pain because of this phrase.
I mean, that’s part of how abuse works. Abusers aren’t going to say “feel free to tell everyone that I’m beating the s**t out of you”, you know?
Making your child terrified to fail. I remember constantly being told if I ever even got a “C” or below— on even something as minor as a pop quiz— I would be “flipping burgers for a living.” I was so unmotivated to even try by the time high school came, because it had been drilled into me that I was destined to be a loser.
Nonstop supervision. Hovering over them at every turn. Whatever happened to tossing them in a play area in another room and letting them create, explore, and get the occasional bumps?
My mom prevented me from having friends because of this. I was a kid when cellphones were just starting to be an item everyone had and my household hadn't picked up the trend yet. My mom tried to keep me inside as much as possible otherwise, with every move I made outside, I was expected to run home and tell her where I was going in the neighborhood. This wasn't realistic and no kid wanted to waste time constantly running/biking to my house with me to tell her I'd be at X, then Y, then Z. We're not talking about being extremely far away from home; just within the confines of the neighborhood. Kids were starting to ditch me so I decided to not tell her once. My mom had been secretly checking up on me all this time and called the police when I wasn't where I said I'd be. That was basically the end of my friendships as a kid unless they wanted to play indoors at my house.
always letting kids win/do what they want, its unfair on older siblings because i get given chores and my little sister gets to sit about doing nothing and getting whatever she wants completely free
Making your kids spend time with family even though they get treated bad. Like inlaws who would rather spend time with their other grandkids and not yours.
I don't care who is anyone treats my kids bad is gonna get mouth full unless they are getting on to them for a good reason.
I guess the overall trend of prioritizing academics/extracurriculars and college admissions over everything else. Give your kids some chores and let them hang out with their friends outside of structured sports and musical activities!
The thing every parents including mine said. "Finish your plate" or "Finish your plate or you won't get any dessert".
It gave you an unnecessary goal to shove food you don't want down your throat and made that into a lifelong habit. Fortunately I've always been into sports but many aren't, so now obesity is everywhere.
I knew it was a bad habit and I wouldn't stay fit for my entire life if I kept eating until I get a stomachache every single meal so I worked hard for years to finaly get rid of this habit in my early 20s when I moved into my apartment.
I will never do this to my kids.
Generally a behaviour that started in the generations before when food was sparse and snacks not available. My parents held to this and my Dad will clear off his plate and anyone else's for that matter. He really struglles with his weight. I had an ED growing up so I let my kids decide when they're full. Also giving them age approproate portion sizes to begin with helps.
Denying your kid any negative experiences or emotions.
They are a normal part of being a person, teach them to handle negative emotions now before you send them out into a world they are not prepared to handle.
my mom always said that I could talk to her about any feelings I had, but when I did she would tell me that i'm lying and trying to get more attention. because of this I was afraid to admit if I was ever in pain or feeling depressed/suicidal. my mom never seemed to understand that that is why I never trusted her.
Helicopter parenting, kids need freedom to explore the world, get dirty, engage in free play. I am not advocating putting the child outside o a Saturday morning and telling them to come home when the street lights come on, but an age acceptable level of freedom.
hahaha, that's how i grew up- get out or help clean the house. come back for lunch and then out the house again until dinner. rainy/snowy days were excepted though.
Pushing them too hard in sports, academics, etc. Like pushing til they need therapy or get injured, no free time, no downtime. FFS, they only get to be young & without excessive responsibilities once.
I am not a huge believer in homework coz I believe kids need to have their own downtime but also time to spend with family and doing their responsibilities around the house. They go to school for about 6 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Give the kids time to be kids for crying out loud. The only homework I can support is reading and for the younger kids, sight words.
telling kids that studying is the only thing that they do in choldhood and that everything else is just useless stuff
Note: this post originally had 51 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
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Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
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I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
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Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
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lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
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Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg 
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
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My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
Load More Replies...
How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
Two I'd like to add. First, giving your kids cell phones and screens all the time so they don't get bored. Boredom is the source of inspiration. Second, I've seen a bunch of videos, from South Asia I think, where Mommy puts a bowl of food in front Stuffed Toy as Child watches. Stuffed Toy refuses to eat, so Mommy literally beats the stuffings out of it. Then Mommy puts a bowl of food in front of Child, Child obediently eats food, Mommy smiles triumphantly at camera. I think that's sick.
Yes, raising a human properly is extremely hard, that's why it takes a lot to be a good parent. Dedication, commitment, responsibility so that they'll turn out alright and you don't end up ruining their lives and others. That's why, not having kids is the opposite of selfish. Hear that, Pope??
Well... the opposite of selfish would be not having kids AND helping your friends/siblings raise their kids. Not on a daily basis, but if you help a parent raise a kid so that kid isn't screwed up... you will have made the world a better place, AND there is someone out there that cares what happens to you when you are old and feeble.
Load More Replies... Don't punish your child for not telling you about something sooner. DO reward them for telling you soon (by decreasing any punishment for what they did, not getting mad at them). Approach it with a "thanks for telling me! Lets see how we can fix this!". If you punish them for telling you late you can actually make them not tell you. Especially with teens (who are very driven by emotion). If they do something bad they may not immediately have the emotional ability to tell you, and when they finally become ready they may not due to expecting the "why didn't you tell me sooner" response. Their brains are too controlled by emotion for them to easily overcome this block and it will only get worse as time goes on. If they know confession will lead to a response of "okay lets work to fix this" and not focusing on what they did bad/punishment/shame they are SO MUCH more likely to come to you for help and will do it much sooner. It removes and lessens the anxiety associated with confession.
This is based off of my study of psychology with a focus on child development, and my own personal experiences. All I ever wanted when I did something really stupid was for my parents to focus on moving forward, not dwelling on the dumb thing I did. The expected *sigh* "i just wish you had told us sooner" paralyzed me from telling them. The "sooner" is just such a vague concept. Like, I'm telling you now! You'd say the same thing if I had told you yesterday! Just help me fix what I did!
Load More Replies... I am big enough to admit that I am guilty of some of these. I am way too overprotective and I know it. I am working on it and trying hard to let them be independent little humans but I had no relationship whatsoever with my mum, no guidance, security, positivity or cuddles. She was very cold with me and I think I'm just trying to do it differently to her but I know I can be too much sometimes I really am trying though
If you want some advice from me I have some things that might help :). 1. Make sure your kids know they can give you feedback/express their concerns and know you will listen. Gonna be mostly useful when they get older (definitely a little silly when they're younger) You don't always have to do what they want but having a respectful conversation with them about it and taking them will probably be invaluable (i'm not a parent and haven't tried this but from my own experience with my parents I think it would have been very helpful to have this structure in place). 2. I've studied child development for 4 years and definitely would recommend it to anyone. Fantastic way to understand yourself and others. 3. Giving your kids reasons for limitations and stuff is great. Not only will they respect you and your rules more, but it will help them to make their own good decisions later on.
Load More Replies... Teaching kids not to question authority. "Because I said so", "Because I'm older/smarter/in charge" aren't good arguments. A child needs to understand why you tell them to do/not to do something. It's also dangerous cause somebody can take advantage of a child because they trust adults too much and blindly follow orders no questions asked.
You have to teach children to be discerning with that. If an adult tells you not to go into the water because it's dangerous, fine to ask why, but don't argue with them. Kids have to learn when it's appropriate to question.
Load More Replies... lying kids about existence of Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Sinterklaas, Pere Noel, Baby Jesus, Kristkind, Befana, Krampus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy... etc.
I also think we should only lie about the existence of the other things. Nelson Mandela, holocaust, racism,... Those are the lies that makes their childhood peaceful
Load More Replies... Worst parenting trend I can think of is to ignore your crying baby. Please soothe your crying babies as best you can, or they'll grow up believing that the world is a constantly scary place and that nobody can ever calm them down. I speak from experience.
This. Babies learn trust through the care they receive.
Load More Replies... None of these actually seem like "trends" to me. Most of this stuff has been around in one way or another since I was a kid. We just hear people talk about it more, because of the internet.
Bad parenting appears to fall into two distinct categories: over-parenting, so being controlling or disciplinarian or scheduling your child's ever moment and experience, and non-parenting, just letting your child do whatever, whenever because you are too lazy to do your job as a parent.
Yup! In fact the technical terms for these can be found in Diana Baumrind's parenting styles theory. In her theory there are 4 parenting styles (permissive, authoritative, authoritarian, and uninvolved/neglectful). Authoritative is noted as the superior parenting style. baumrind-p...c29cbf.jpg
I'm a pretty strict mom. However all my kids come to me all the time to talk to me, are open with me when they f**k up (always try to lie 1st, but they know I know and it doesn't work in their favor to lie, I already know...so I just stare till they go, f**k she knows) ask for advise, ask me to come play with them (ball, dress up, cards, dice, table games). We are not rich so they know if I say easy on the snacks, doesn't mean we are going to run out of food but my budget is tight and I need that money for gas or milk not chips and soda. My oldest is learning to drive and is now paying his cell phone bill and car insurance part from his job to learn how to pay bills. I walk him through it. I pray they grow up okay. Every day.
The best part about parenting is that you spend 18-22 years running an elaborate and delicate experiment but you don't know if your methods worked until it's too late to do anything about it. I don't think my parents spent much time thinking about how to parent, that just did whatever they felt in the moment. I hope that giving it a bit more thought will pay off.
Is this as in the "no uterus, no opinion" discussion? If you don't have kids you shouldnt have An opinion on this post?
Hm I didn’t think so. If you have an abortion, it doesn’t impact random people in society. But if you raise a child poorly, not only will the child be messed up but they will be an ongoing pain to the rest of society. You didn’t have to have a child to be affected by other peoples misguided parenting
Load More Replies... My parents also use the finish your plate rule but from an early age we could decide how much food was even put on the plate so we learned not to waste food and take multiple smaller portions instead of one big portion that wasnt finished
more things i'd like to add, piercings on babies ears and circumcision
Having a wrong definition of love. Sparing the children consequences of their own actions and boundaries is not love. I love you but you need to learn from your own mistakes and keeping common sense rules to become a decent person in the future, even though your struggle also may cause me pain as a parent.
does not helping a kid deal with stress because "aLL tHeY NeeD tO dO iS tHInK poSITivE thOugHTs" count?
it's kind of like this. i've been telling my mom that school has been stressing me out for a while now, and the sheer amount of homework in some days just want me to break down in tears. my mom then said "just don't think of school as stressing. think like 'ohh school is a place to learn and improve and homework is just for improving' and not like 'ughh school is so stressful i hate it' your mindset blah blah blah"
Load More Replies... How about those people "I can't x and y, I'm a parent." "I can't sit on ym phone and do emails, I'm a parent, just call me." "I can't do this and that I have to pick up my kids" " _____ I'm a parent." I met some one recently who unfortunately I have to be jn frequent contact with, "they had time for it , they Don't have kids. I have 2 children!"
