Many of us Pandas know who our real friends are… or at least we think we do! The folks we think are our closest allies and who deserve lots of space compartment in our hearts and minds might not think the same way about us. In fact, we might wholeheartedly believe that we're in our friends’ inner circle when, in fact, we’re on the far outskirts of their social circle.
The moment you realize that your friends don’t actually like you as a person hurts. Badly. However, the moment the scales lift from your eyes can give you the clarity to help you move forward. Redditor u/noweverythingisair asked the crowd over on r/AskReddit to share the moments when their illusions about being firm friends with someone were completely and utterly shattered.
Scroll down for a heavy dose of blunt honesty, soul-searching, and raw emotions, dear Pandas. When you’re done reading these powerful confessions, tell us all about the best and worst, real and fake friendships that you’ve had in the comments.
Bored Panda reached out to Suzanne Degges-White, a Licensed Counselor, Professor, and Chair at the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University, who was kind enough to answer our questions about the differences between authentic and superficial friendships, why we shouldn't be telling our secrets to just anybody, and how to make friends after we finish school and university. Read on for our full interview with Suzanne.
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Got pretty sick and was in the hospital for a week. Not one of my friends in a small group (of supposedly close friends) reached out to see if I was getting better. They never visited, didn't even so much as get a text from them. We hung out almost daily for the past two years and they knew I was in the hospital.
When I finally got better I decided it was time to get some new friends.
In times of need you'll quickly discover how many real friends you have. It will always be very much fewer and often other people than you thought.
"Friendships are built on trust and mutual respect, so if you don't feel in your gut that this is what a person is offering to you in the relationship, they aren't a true friend. Also, friends recognize that the 'giving and taking' in friendships needs to be balanced over time," Suzanne explained to us that true friends understand how reciprocity works. Someone who's always asking for favors like loans, rides, or a place to crash, but is never available when you need help might not be a true friend.
"Friends who talk about us behind our back, aren't there for us when our lives are crashing and we need someone to talk to, or aren't there for us when we want to celebrate our successes—those friendships don't reflect authentic deep friendship. When a friend takes advantage of us or lets us down repeatedly, then it is time to re-think whether this is a relationship that is worth the risk."
Another indication that someone's a false friend is that they ask you to do things that they wouldn't do for you. The relationship between you might not be as deep as you think. However, the best way to distinguish between real friends and fair-weather pals is to check to see whether they're there for you as the circumstances of your life change.
"Real friends are those people who are going to be there for you whether life is going beautifully for you or life has tanked and you feel like you're in over your head. Friendships are about emotional and instrumental support—it's a totally mutual, voluntary, reciprocal relationship. Therefore, we can all decide what we want to put into a friendship," Suzanne, from Northern Illinois University, explained to Bored Panda.
Had a tangential friend group. They were fine people and I was new to the city. Bought a boat and all of a sudden we’re BEST FRIENDS. The immediate rise to central friend made me step back and go “yah no.” So when I took notice of when I wasn’t invited to normal day to day stuff in the group like concerts and dinners versus when the Thursday flurry of texts came in about the weekend on the boat. I distanced myself.
Back in highschool, I thought I was best friends with a girl on my sports team for 3-4 years. Through thick and thin I've been there for her. I supported her through devere depression, bullying, abusive home life, multiple suicide attempts, giving her my clothes when her dad periodically burned hers, bringing her food from my house, spliting my bus tokens so she didnt have to walk home from practice late evenings(you have to qualify for them), letting her wash her clothes and bathe at my house so she didn't get ridiculed, stuck up for her during a time she nearly got expelled wrongfully, and just being a good friend to her in anyway I could.
Long story short, senior year, between classes when I asked her where did she want my mom to take her out to eat for her birthday this year (my mom was doing this the past few years), she told me she was going to out with 'A' and 'B' this year because "I only want to hang out with friends, but I'll see you on Monday."
I didn't even know what to say and stared blankly at her, then went to class then practice. I felt hurt and was so salty that McDonald's could've used me for their french fries for a long time after that. I haven't spoken to her since.
That's just awful. What a horrible thing to experience. Not excusing that girl at all, but it's clear she was being abused at home. It may be that she felt so embarrassed that someone had witnessed how badly she was treated that she just couldn't cope any more and had to put some distance between you, or even assert some power, and she did it this way. Again, not an excuse, but our social skills are so badly developed as children. It's miserable all round.
According to the licensed counselor, it might be nice to have some superficial friends at the organizations you belong to, to meet up for drinks, have fun, go out together, or do whatever else you might want to do. However, we shouldn't invest more into these relationships than we can expect to get in return.
"Authentic friendships are built on mutual respect and reciprocity and affection—there's an emotional commitment there that doesn't exist in superficial friendships. Don't tell your secrets or your vulnerabilities to a superficial friend, because you can't be sure how they might use this information. With authentic friendships, we can be completely ourselves and know that we will still be loved," Suzanne warned that we shouldn't be opening up our hearts to everybody within earshot.
"One of the biggest differences between friend types is the amount of emotional energy they are investing into the relationship and the depth of their appreciation for your presence in their lives."
I became friends with a group of women my own age, mid 20s, through a mutual friend we all shared and I thought we were getting along really well. We would meet up at least once a week and do dinner and movies at one of our homes, I was invited to weddings, hosted baby showers, we all belonged to the same social media group and chatted constantly. Then gradually I started noticing I was no longer being invited to things. I would show up at an event and be totally out of the loop as far as major life changes were concerned and no one would bother telling me anything or filling me in. I then found out through that mutual friend that the group had gotten tired of me and instead of saying anything they had created a new social media group without me and were just waiting for me to take the hint and leave them alone. So I did. I stopped trying to stay connected and just let the four years of friendship die.
I saw them all at that mutual friends wedding recently and tried to have a casual conversation, catch up and everything, but not a single one of them even looked at me or said a word to me. I felt really stupid and confused as I stood in a group with them but was completely ignored. I eventually wandered off.
Wow! I think this person is better off without the toxic friends. What they did was shitty and I hope Karma kicks them in the ass one day!
They all told me they had canceled their plans to go to a lake over the weekend, I found out they actually went, and had replaced me with someone else through their snap stories
wow, that’s just straight up sh**ty, i wanna see their excuse on that one..
My "best friend" moved out of state for college. She came back to visit but told me she was too busy for anything but family. A month later, a mutual friend asked why I wasn't at the party she threw. Every single other person in our friend group was invited. Still not sure why I wasn't.
Oh well, she farted a lot anyways.
I don't know why, but reminds me of when my car got totalled. I had asked a friend to pick me up. I also asked that she not offer sympathy because I was pretty freaked out and didn't think I could keep it together. So she shows up and says, "Oh, well, it was dirty anyway." It was perfect! I laughed so hard and immediately felt better.
Some of you Pandas know for a fact that it can get harder and harder to find friends once you leave school and university, which are very social settings.
"In our jobs, we don't have nearly as much variety in the people who are there and the time we have to spontaneously strike up new friendships is much more limited. Fortunately, as we leave school, we also are entering a new stage of life where our goals begin to solidify and we begin seeking companionship and friendship with folks who are swimming in the same stream that we are," Suzanne told Bored Panda that people ought to look beyond just the workplace to find potential pals. Though the office can be a great place to find friends as well.
Went to a sleepover when I was about 12-13 y/o. It was for my best friends birthday. They said “let’s sit in a circle and list our favorite things about each other!” sounded wholesome, so I sat in the circle. When my turn came around, everyone in the circle had nothing positive to say about me. “buttwiped, you’re actually really annoying and we don’t like you”.... my best friend looked sad for me but didn’t say anything... damn kids are mean
The day I was informed that my presence wasn’t necessary for the annual Christmas party. After I had spent what little money I had made that year into presents for the friends that I thought were supportive of me.
I still have the presents.
I recently got a message from an old school friend. Apologising for the bullying i received from them and the rest of my circle. I didn't realise i was being bullied. 20 yrs later and i only now find out that the people i though i was closest to at school didn't actually like me. That hurt.
My dad found out, years after he had retired, that he had been 'blackballed' by a very officious set of colleagues at work. He worked with nature, wildlife and conservation. He was so engrossed in the work, he had never noticed. He thought it was funny. It was.
"The workplace is one setting where we can begin to form new friendships—and these may be cross-generational friendships which enrich our lives in important ways. As we get involved in volunteer activities in the community or special interest groups or classes at the gym, we can use these spaces to connect to potential new friends—you already know that we have something in common with these folks, since you're showing up at the same place with the same aim, so friendships can naturally develop with folks with whom you have an affinity," the expert pointed out that shared interests can lead to strong bonds.
"Taking classes related to your job can also give you opportunities to mix with others in your field. While some friendships from our early 20s may fade as we begin our professional journey, some friendships may endure or grow stronger. We need to recognize that friendships that thrive are those that flex and change over time as humans are dynamic and we don't stay the same as we grow older."
It can take a single moment to shatter the illusion that you matter to someone. It’s like a bolt from the blue that changes everything. You might not get an invitation to a social event. Your roommate might suddenly tell you to pack your things and move out.
Or someone might be very blunt and tell you that you don’t actually matter all that much to them. It’s harsh, it hurts, and it can make your emotions go topsy-turvy. However, this shouldn’t mean that you should stop being kind and caring altogether. Being social is a huge part of who we are as people and is vital when it comes to our happiness and health.
When I invite them all to my birthday and nobody arrived. Turns out, they got together elsewhere that same day and just decided as a group not to show up.
Started getting excluded as I was single, no kids, didn't own a house and liked to travel.
My friends wives didn't feel I fit. So made sure I wasn't invited to anything. Apparently I was a bad influence. Friends of 15 years being so easily influenced.
Found a new group of friends now. Old ones reached out to me not long ago. Told them to f**k off.
Best friend ended our friendship when her kid turned two because I didn't have kids [I was trying] and therefore we had nothing to talk about.
I spent my free time over a fall and winter helping a friend restore a fishing boat (25’ish Mako). Sanding old rough fiberglass (this is agonizing work by the way, you have to have all of your skin covered, goggles, respirator, gloves or the fibers inbed in your skin.) Putting down new fiberglass. Sanding that smooth. Priming, painting, gel coating. Lacing a new canvas onto the T-top. Guess who didn’t get invited on the first trip. Yup. We don’t speak anymore.
Vanessa King, the Head of Psychology at ‘Action for Happiness,’ previously explained to Bored Panda that a large part of our happiness as human beings stems from helping others without expecting anything in return.
We evolved as a social species and we’re meant to live in groups. And lending a helping hand, working together, and acting altruistically are all things that act as social glue. Kindness is essential in keeping families, social groups, society, and civilization all functioning and whole.
"If you think about it, human beings are social species, we evolved to live in groups so working together and doing things to help each other is the social glue that keeps us together,” Vanessa explained to us during an earlier interview.
I was sitting at the lunch table with them and they were talking. It then dawned on me that they never talked to me during lunch or reached out to me during break. I was basically following them around like a stupid lost puppy all the time while they couldn’t care less.
I remember one Monday in high school I sat down in the cafeteria with my friends and we start talking about how our weekend was.
Friend #1 mentions a Will Ferrell movie he saw. I ask if it was funny and he tells me one of the scenes he really liked.
Friend #2 chimes in to say "Remember the scene where...?" and recounts another hilarious moment. They both laugh in agreement.
"Oh, you saw the movie, too?" I ask and friend #2 confirms.
Then friend #3 says: "And remember when friend #4 threw up from food poisoning!" and everyone laughs -- including friend #4, who had no shame.
That's when I realized: they all went together and I was never invited. Unfortunately, I developed quite a bit of shame.
I didn't get the little going away party at work. It's a silly thing, but it was a close, friendly workplace and when people would quit they'd set up cheap little themed decorations from the office printer and add some other funny stuff about the person that was leaving. I brought a cake and it was fine and I know my coworkers didn't dislike me, but I guess everyone sort of forgot about me because I'm not the most expressive person. I was sad I never got my themed decorations. I worked there for two years.
Never understood those going away parties. It's an awkward event where people celebrate that one of them has managed to escape their hellhole. Under all the jokes and snarky remarks you can read the jealousy of the people who wish they could do the same.
The expert stressed that we are hardwired for cooperation. Children as young as 2 years old have been seen sharing which just goes to show how much kindness is a part of who we are as humans.
"Participating in group activities and community events makes us happier too. When we do things for others, it activates the reward center in the brain, so when we give a gift, it feels the same as receiving a gift," Vanessa said.
Some of the small ways in which you can practice being altruistic involve giving money to charity, donating to food banks, or volunteering your time over the holidays. You can also help out your elderly neighbors by leaving them a food package or a friendly note. There are countless ways in which you can spread joy… and plant the seeds of future friendships.
“Maybe at first, you start out doing things to help others only to get attention and praise, but you will find that doing things for others helps you feel good when you see people’s responses. Once you see the difference you can make in the world and to your own happiness, altruism can grow naturally," Vanessa said that, eventually, most people learn that kindness is rewarding in and of itself.
When they took all the proceeds from the project we had worked on together, and to which I had contributed a great deal of labor, then went to Disney World for a week. Without me.
In college I had a group of friends (4 guys and 4 girls, including myself). I realized I was out of the loop when for Christmas all the girls gifted each other a friendship bracelet and I was the only one without one. It was also kind of humiliating since this was during a Christmas party with just the group while we were opening presents in a circle, so the guys noticed as well.
At that moment, I realized that even though it hurt, all the pieces started to fit about the girls’ attitudes and interactions with me and I decided I didn’t need people like that in my life. Although it was hurtful, I was more surprised that they could act so petty and childish for being juniors and seniors in college. I just wish I noticed all the red flags earlier since I did consider them as good friends, but at least now I know.
Been at my job almost a year. Noticed on snapchat everyone was together for some drinks, managers, staff who started decades ago, staff who started weeks ago...
Everyone.
Except one other person. I texted her out of curiosity about it and she responded with "yeah, they asked me but i couldn't go".
I tried to laugh it off but man did that hurt.
I always thought i had a good rapport with my coworkers but i wonder now am i just being tolerated by them.
There may also be a case of wallflower. I've been at my job for 13 years. I turned 40 during the pandemic. I got... an email with an animated gif from a former team member. Five months later the outgoing and bubbly (loud) woman in accounts who has been in the job for five years also turned 40 and a collection was done for her through PayPal. I know I'm liked (not just tolerated), but because I don't make a fuss few people even realised it was my birthday. The woman in accounts had been mentioning her birthday since just after mine.
There is a practical side to being altruistic, too, however. By being nice, we become more liked and the odds are greater that someone will help us out when we need support. And yet, we still shouldn’t expect these things when acting kind. It’s best to have few expectations and not to expect any sort of reward for being a decent human being.
"There’s an important point too here for people on the receiving end of kindness. If they can, it’s, of course, great to say thank you and add the positive impact it has for you, e.g., 'Thank you, It’s great to know that someone cares.' That can really boost the glow for the giver and encourage them to give more," she told us a simple ‘thank you’ can help encourage positive behavior in others.
"It may also be helpful for the person to think about why they are seeking attention and reward from an external source, a key part of being happy is feeling comfortable with who you are and accepting life the way it is. I’d suggest that the person take time to build up their self-care to become happier and more resilient. Perhaps start with a personal gratitude practice to appreciate what they already have in life, writing down three things each day that we are grateful for can boost happiness.
When email was starting to become a thing, my classmates and I were having lunch and a bunch of them were excitedly exchanging emails. When I asked one of them to give me hers, she said: “Why do you need it? We see each other everyday.” She gave it to everyone else.
S**t hurt.
When my friends said they don't go to the movies just to go there without me. I saw them because I went with my older sister instead
Ahhh, should have confronted them and then right there eliminated all of them off your phone and social media accounts.
I suggested a group vacation to the beach. Split a rental for a week... lots of fun. They booked it and didn’t invite me. Burned a little.
Sounds like they owe you some money back for your share of the vacation that they ruined for you.
I don't think they actually had her contribute any money towards the trip.
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My goddaughter's biological dad tried to pull this crap. Tolerated my presence after having me pay for everyone's holiday to the UK, the car rental, the deposit, et al... but wanted me to f**k off and do my own thing instead of spending time with my friend, his gf. Never paid me back (it was supposed to be a loan), so took him to court and won, but he defaulted and I never saw a dime. Didn't treat the mother or their child much better tbh, even failing to turn up at the airport after she bankrolled an entire holiday to the US including flights and a week's stay at disney world for the three of them. Thankfully she dumped his ass and found someone amazing who loves cosplay as much as she and her daughter do, and later married him. They cosplay as a family now and I could not be happier for them.
Burned a lot! Can you imagine how poorly they would have treated you if you had gone with them? Join a vacation club and meet new people and go to better events.
may they be in the sun so long their hair catches on fire like mine.
I found messages of them talking s**t about me. Everything I said, did, tried to do was just a damn joke. Wasn’t even looking for the messages, had to borrow a computer they were synced onto. That hurt. We supposedly talked it out which turned into them detailing about how it was all my fault and I forced them to act that way, no apology, nothing. Can’t cut them out as they’re my spouses sibling but yeah. Still haven’t gotten over it.
Should have talked to the spouse. If the spouse knew about it, it is time for a divorce.
My friend group had a group chat called “The Crew” which was made in between sophomore and junior year of high school. It was used somewhat regularly for a while, up until the middle of senior year, I noticed that it straight up wasn’t being used anymore. While I was around some of them one day, I noticed them having “The Crew” notifications pop up on their phone and finally I asked my best friend (like one of the 3 people in that group I’m still friends with today) if they made a new group chat and he said yeah. It was basically the old one minus me and plus like 10 more people. It sucked but whatever, f**k em
Why would he still be friends with people who also ditched him and obviously didn't think it was important enough to let him know what was going on. Who needs backstabbers as friends?
In the late 90s/early 2000s I made friends with a group of people through an anime message board and we’d regularly hang out at various conventions. Some people in the group were in the crew/committees for the various cons so it felt like the group to be in for a budding weeaboo. I thought I was inner circle in this group until one day while we were having dinner together after a con they all started talking about some party they were going to and just basically walked off without me. I kinda thought I was supposed to tag along since they’d been discussing it with me right there, even though they all obviously knew about it beforehand and I didn’t, until one guy turned to me and was like “sorry kermi this is a private thing”.
A private event that just happens to exclude one person out of the group, who’s been part of this group just as long as everyone else? I kinda ditched the community after that, stopped going to cons altogether.
You get the news last of what happened with the group members and you don't get an invitation from them, they only invite you when you invite yourself through them. Meaning that when they discuss the plans and you happen to be there so they must invite you. But i was always like that. This above was just a summary of what i experienced. Ive never had that kind of friend group that actually cared about me, so i never had an "oh s**t" moment.
Are you an introvert? I'm not, really, but I recognise some are. C'mon extroverts, at least invite and encourage the shy ones. And, don't pressure them.
Two of my friends ditched me at high school ski club by skiing fast ahead of me intentionally. I ignorantly raced up to rejoin them, only later to realize that they intended to ditch me. I didn't know why it was awkward until later.
It happenedw to me as well. We were maybe 14/15 yo. My sisters and “mutual” friends ditched me by biking fast ahead of me. I just wanted to join them and have fun so I went faster and faster until I reached them. This awkward biking situation lasted maybe 15 minutes. I eventually heard my sister saying to the rest ‘ok, enough, she will be following us all the time”. It sucks. I am sorry for you.
Hadn't heard from them in over a week, then learned they were all on a cruise. I had no idea they planned, booked and went on this cruise so it became clear how much I had been kept out of the loop.
When one of them accidentally sent a message to me saying how annoying I was and urged to talk about it in their own group chat I wasn't aware of and oh the sender used a codename for me
They always told me in this 'I really pity you' tone to go away every now and again when they were talking, because we weren't close enough to let me hear it. They also got really uncomfortable when I tried telling them about my feelings or tried venting about stuff to them, but they expected me the always listen to them. Always told me a reason they couldn't go to events I invited them to. Kept on casually mentioning all the times they had a great time during something they were doing together; and that it 'didn't matter that I wasn't there, we had fun anyways!' Looking back, I just thought the phrasing was pretty weird, but now I really feel my blood boil whenever I think about it.
They all went to an amusement park out of town on a weekend without telling me.
When I found out they said it was because they didn’t want me to be all mopy and depressed all weekend.
I had a best friend for almost a full decade. Every single day of my life for years, she was right there with me. I loved her kids, and was even good friends with her husband.
She had some problems with her health and I was the only one that was there for her in the hospital emergency room every time she went. Her father and brother ended up ditching her and hubby couldn't join because they had multiple kids and no babysitter.
Meanwhile
She ghosted me for 2 weeks after my grandfather died. She told me to go away and I was annoying her and wouldn't give me a reason why.
Why did she do it, you ask?
She was mad that her brother's roommates had baiked on him and decided to take it out on everyone. Including me.
She later apologized, but the damage was done.
She would then spend the next three years after forgiving her calling me a bad friend, saying I wasn't being supportive, I was too negative, and was just never happy no matter how many hoops I tried to jump through for her; no matter how much I apologized and tried so desperately to change. She admitted to me during this time that she deliberately looked for reasons to be upset with me.
It came to a head when she came over for the night one night and spent most of the night talking to my sister instead of me and left the next morning before I could say goodbye and just sent me a text. She didn't want to be alone with me because I was trying to talk out our issues like an adult despite being younger than her by 5 years.
It's been 4 months now, so everything is still fresh, but it's getting better.
We all make a big deal out of each others birthdays and tend to have a big night out or a crazy dinner outing. We obviously split the bill and the birthday boy gets a free meal.
They all completely forgot my birthday to the point I didn't even get a text message. Turns out I just made the bill cheaper for the rest.
I remember growing up poor in a weathy small town. My clothes were never new, and one year my mother got a bunch of clothing and a winter coat given to her for me. When I went to school, an older girl made sure everyone knew that I was wearing her hand-me-downs. Even to the point of trying to take the coat away from me. I went home in tears and my mother was angry AT ME because she worked for the family and was afraid she could lose her job. I was never really accepted into the by most of the kids at school, but I did manage to find a few friends here and there, mostly ostracized children like myself. I learned contempt for wealthy people who believe themselves better than others merely because of their wealth or lack thereof. I cannot stand cliques, because guess what, I don't want anything to do with a bunch of self involved snobs. I am doing just fine without the judgey hypocrites that I grew up with.
I also work in houses, and you can tell a lot about the family by the way the children behave towards you. Your mother shouldn't have sent you to school wearing that little c...t clothes, accepting them is fine, but maybe not wearing around her, also your mother could have brought it up with the mother of the c...t, but then she was scared of losing the gig. Sorry you had to go through that
They told me about the parties they throw every summer, and on the day of my birthday, which they know, they held one and didn't invite me.
This experience is similar but not totally the same as the prompt:
I had two very close work friends. We had connected by all going to Dragoncon in Atlanta, Georgia the year before. One of those friends found another group of friends at work and split his time between our group and his. Last year my father had a stroke (he survived). I was going to have lunch with my two work friends that evening, but I texted them in the group chat the situation and I couldn’t make it. One friend immediately called me and offered help and tried to console me. The other friend (the one with the other friend group) never responded to the text. To this day a year later we still see each other at work and he never has asked about my father. I dropped him not long after that, he was acting strange aloof, and never hung out before that incident. I also found out later from someone who used to be in his other friend group he’d been talking s**t about me for some time.
Ohh... that's just sad. When my grandmother passed away, a few months ago , only 2 of my friends consoled me. One asked where I was and when I told him he was All like"I'm sorry. But can you get over it? " This was insulting for two reasons. 1: who would even ask that?! And 2: me and my grandmother were best friends, she was my rock.
After about two years of hanging around the same group almost everyday and being the only one with a car I knew after I broke down that they were only using me for rides. My tire blew and no one would answer me. After no one made sure I was okay and they stopped talking to me. Oh well
I am on the autism spectrum and have trouble reading social cues, so I have unintentionally stumbled into this more than once.
I sympathize totally, my life has be a never ending conga line of missed cues and social misunderstandings. It can be hell can't it? You can't even explain it to , i don't know the proper term, " normal " people , what it is like for us. I gave up 20 yrs ago, it's so much easier being alone , just me and my cat , at least he "gets" me. Fk normaloids , what do they know!
I found out that they were all truly hanging out without me from one of their husbands who told my husband. Turns out they were hanging out with the woman who had been hitting on my husband (this was kind of a couples group from church of all places) and not including me because they knew I didn’t “like” her.
Hitting on other women's husbands seems to be typical for churches.
I realized I initiated every conversation with her (and by extension her crew) unless she needed to use me for something. Always guilted me into driving them to get weed, driving them to get booze, driving them to their d**k appointments and picking them up after because "it's hot, I'm sensitive to heat" or "it's dark now". Rarely offered gas money and would always get pissed if I had something else going on and had to say no.
Last time we spoke I had to cancel on driving them to a concert because I was sick as hell and in urgent care and she told me she hated me and never wanted to see me again. No one in the group reached out to me after and I fully realized none of them really cared about me to begin with, only used me because they don't have licenses. I guess hindsight really is 20/20.
When the girl who I thought was my closest friend sent me a text message at 10pm out of the blue telling me to move out because she thought I didn't fit in and made her + her friends uncomfortable. Best part? We were in a foreign country, so without her + the group, I was completely alone.
I later found out that the girl had a terrible reputation in her hometown + a bunch of people hated her so it actually wasn't me.
I moved out of state and no one came to say goodbye.
Similar thing happened to me when I was 10. There was a going away party because another family in our circle was also moving, but after the move, I tried emailing a person I thought was a friend, but he never responded. I later found out he facetimed the girl from the other family everyday. You are not alone.
My friend circle was really good. We would all stick together and had each others back. One jealous guy in our group turned a couple of guys against each other because of a mediocre issue. People found out, discussed amongst themselves that we needed to let him go.
However, my friends didn't let me know about this whole issue for like a month. And since I didn't know, I kept talking to that jerk. I later found out that they had an altogether different whatsapp group and everyone was in it except me. I did some serious self analysis and found I was not at an fault what so ever.
Then later on I found out that kept me away since I had some academic issues. They thought I was dumb and hence were singling me out. I even requested them to add me to the group but they ignored. I later got into depression and had some serious mental health issues. No one talked with me, as if I never existed.
I've moved way to ahead in my life. I'm now fortunate to have really good friends who care about me, and I care about them as well. (knocking on wood). I am thankful to God for having them in my life.
Also, thank you very much to the whole reddit community. So many positive people here! God bless you all!
i was in class with my "friends" and the teacher said there are two open seats on the other side of the class and my "friends" said let's go and left me
Thought everyone on my soccer team were good friends. Then I found out about the groupchat that I wasn't part of. Next, one of my teammates didn't know who I was when I joined her livestream. I eventually took 3 months off because of a "knee" problem, and when I showed back up, nobody cared, nobody asked why I was gone, nothing. Just a few "oh, hey. You're back." I guess it doesn't help that I played keeper, kinda the outcast position. Luckily, I quit soccer, so no more of that.
In high school near the end of senior year. I was crying because I thought I was gonna fail, and when I went to my friend at lunch, I was told by the one I thought I was closest to, "If you're gonna keep crying, could you do it somewhere else? You're killing our fun vibe here."
Never asked me what was wrong. Nothing. Only two people stood up for me.
If those 2 were nice when the others were being mean then they are exactly the sort of people I would want to be friends with.
It was when I noticed that I was putting more effort into the friendship only to be blown off most of the time. It was always the same excuse of having to work, but I don't think that they remembered I had them on snapchat so I could see the bonfires they were having. The times they'd go to beaches or amusement parks. I know I definitely had my issues and can be occasionally toxic/petty but I try not to be and to better myself. I guess when it absolutely hit me was on a day we were supposed to hang out and they never even had the decency to message me that they couldn't make it.
They said they forgot their phones in the group chat later that night and while I was skeptical I let it go. And then a few days later when I'm hanging out with one of them, she's giggling about how they got together and one of them had weed in their bag and they had a barbecue, etc. TO MY F**KING FACE. I wouldn't have been upset as much if they hadn't of done this on the same day we were supposed to hang out and they ditched me. I still remember how pissed off I was and leaving her house after she said that. Ironically they said in the group chat that "I didn't do anything that upset them to make them not want to hang out" but it sure as hell didn't feel that way.
It's been over 2 years since I've spoken to them and they still give me dirty looks when they see me in our neighborhood lmao. I remember not going out for a few months after we stopped being friends because I didn't want to run into them but now I just ignore it because tbh I don't have time or patience for drama.
Go up to a different member of the group and tell them how the other one dropped them in it and then go get some popcorn
My husband has longtime friends and they all work for the same company and are often out of town. The wives/girlfriends have gotten to know each other and for a while had regular girls nights ... the woman who planned them worked at the same place as I do, and would ask what I was up to each weekend as we did stuff at work. Girls nights were always planned after I had confirmed that I would be out of town taking care of my grandmother. I don’t know if it was truly on purpose or not, but it felt like it was.
We were in different classes so everyday at lunch time, I would wait for them outside their classroom. They were all in the same class together. Not one time did they acknowledge me. As soon as the bell rang, they'd just leave from the other door and walk straight down the stairs. I used to approach them until I realized they didn't care at all. Didn't even get a single glance.
Hope it didn't take too long before OP understood that they weren't wanted or needed by these people.
I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and one of my 'friends' started dating him within a couple of weeks. Everyone knew and not one of them told me. I talked with the group about some really personal stuff relating to our breakup, not realising that his new girlfriend was sitting there taking it all in. I have no idea why nobody told me but I was so hurt when I found out (his sister posted a photo of her and her brother's new girlfriend on Facebook on Xmas Day - that was literally the first I knew of it).
When I tried to ask a couple of them why they didn't tell me the whole thing got misconstrued as I was angry that they were dating, rather than the fact I was hurt that not one of my 'friends' told me what was going on. That was a very swift end to the friendship with the whole group.
Freshman year of college, I hung out with a group of kids - girls and guys - in my dorm building (my floor was all girls, the next was all guys, the building had 3 or 4 floors that alternated).
Not five minutes after I left someone's dorm room, I saw one of them had posted on facebook about an inside joke I'd just laughed at, tagging... every single person there except me.
i think it was when i went to a different school then all of them. we’re all in a group together on discord, all 10-15 of us. they rarely talked to me and invited me to stuff. and when they would make plans, i was never invited or was told i couldn’t go? the two eldest people in the group said they would come sit with me on my lunch,(they graduated a year or so ago) but never did. they would also talk about the person that i have a restraining order on and wouldn’t listen when i said it made me uncomfortable. they also didn’t seem to care about me when i was morning death and upset about my ACT score and would also change the subject when i was talking about my issues. when others had problems, everyone else would listen and talk to them. they pretty much pretended that i wasn’t real because i went to a different school. and now they all seem to care about me now that i’m going back to that school?
I hate this.
Alright, so I think this has been me throughout most of my life. This is soley based on a trend that I noticed a few years back. I'm the initiator of every conversation I've had with my past friends. Were I not to message them, I'd never speak to them again. And that's exactly what started to happen. Friends I've had for years gone because I never started up another conversation. Looking back I'd be in the middle of a story and then get interrupted only to have the group go off on that tangent while I sat by quietly listening. That has developed into me speaking in a very quick manner most the time which means my thoughts get jumbled and now i dont make any sense. Only when I'm typing am I pretty well managed.
I've managed to make some relatively new friends in the military where we all check up on each other. I know that out of everyone I met, 3 would actually still talk with me, 2 initiators, the 3rd is really socially awkward to start something but a better friend none the less. I'm grateful for the few in my life that care but I'm always weary of them leaving...
People I’ve only known for a few months said Happy Birthday. The people I’ve known for 10+ years haven’t. This is the second year they’ve done this.
I'm an awful bestie, forget her BDay every year, but do cool stuff and buy/make random cool gifts every other month or so. She's accepted I'm awful at remembering that stuff and I love her all the more for it. So we're gonna do a Very Merry UnBirthday this year!
The night we were all hanging out at the house I lived in at the time with my "best friend", and they were talking about a night out they were planning.
I piped in, (being the only one in the "group" who didn't have kids, btw), and said "I have that night off! Sounds like fun!"
My "best friend" looked at me and said, "We figured you'd be willing to babysit..."
Broke to with the girlfriend because she was treating me like s**t.
They all took her side.
Crazy part is, they didn't know her before me and she is only friends with them because she can sway them. F**ked me up good.
Translated: "I lost gullible friends to a manipulative woman." I understand why he got fücked up about it. He learned that his friends were morons.
I got DVT in my right leg at 19 and had to be in the hospital for a bit to bust the clots. I had blood clots in my leg for about 2 weeks before I ever got it treated (I didn’t know I had them and it’s unlikely for 19 year old to have them). I later learned I had a congenital heart affect and that’s why I got them so young. Only a couple out of the large group of people I talked to and associated with even talked to me and asked if I was okay. I’ve been riding it sole ever since which has been mainly due to the traumatic depression I got from it. On a bright note though, I at least know who’s actually there for me and have gotten closer to those people
A lot of people don't know what to say when someone is ill (or bereaved), get embarrassed and don't say anything.
Had my second child. Granted, the second children I know aren't typically as big of a HUZZAH! as the first, especially when she was another girl, but still. This was 2 months after the sudden death of my dad from a massive heart attack. Only 1 of my group, of what I thought were my close circle of friends, actually came by to see me and my baby or let alone call.
By the way my own sister is included in that group. (Truth I know she was having just as hard of a time coping as I was. But this was the one thing that could have helped us bond again and start to heal the gaping hole in our lives.)
Two months of maternity leave gave me a lot of time to think about and reevaluate every single friendship I had.
Horrible way to find out your worth to people you thought loved you at least as much as you loved them.
I'm with you Sister! Finding out You are the support system, not the other way around. Took me a while to realize I'd been supporting myself and all these people the whole time. You're way stronger than you think, my friend.
Unfortunately this has happened to me multiple times: junior high, high school, college, after college. It used to make think it was me until I realized that I was just doing the best I could. But the one that still hurts most happened during my divorce (I was nuclear level miserable having been left by this jerk). I was shunned from the dance group (I started) when my husband slept with a good friend of the group. This woman hosted my bachelorette party! But after I got understandably upset, the whole friend group sided with her bc ‘technically she didn’t do anything wrong’. I was thrown out of the dance group after 6 years and only speak to one other person from that time in my life. That scar will never heal bc that was the one group I thought I really fit into. That performance group was my friend world for almost a decade. And now every friend story I have from my 30s involves them or my ex-husband. Five years later it still hurts. I’ve only got a few friends now but that’s what’s best for me.
When they start making plans with "the group" while youre standing right there and you just know youre not invited.
They asked me to take the picture. Not be in it.
Last day of school before spring break. The day ends and I go home. I check on social media and I see that all of my friends went to someone's house to practice for band. I'm in band (we literally met through band) so I was kinda offended, but just brushed it off.
The second time is when a group of them decided to hang out at a park that isn't even a minutes walk from my place without me. They never brought it up. They've come over before so they knew I lived there.
Turns out they were mad at a joke I made about a month prior, and instead of being mature and telling me, they made a groupchat without me and started doing things without me until I left them alone.
I used to hang out with a group of people about once a week, because my best friend was the center of the group and introduced me to them. I thought we were all really close, but when that one friend left for school last year I stopped getting invited to hang out with them, even though they were all still in town. After a bit, I even realized I had been kicked out of our group chat. When my friend came back for the summer, she invited me to hang out with all of them again, but then texted back a few minutes later as I was getting ready to leave saying that "plans had changed". Haven't spoken to any of them for more than a few minutes since.
when i cut off contact and nobody at all even cared lol. i was essentially depressed and suicidal. they wouldn't have known i was suicidal or whatnot but they didnt even bat an eye when i just did that out of the blue. had it not been for the fear of death and my cat i probably wouldn't be here right now.
Very similar story, instead of eating a bullet, I moved across the country. Nobody who's supposed to care (family...) even knows. If my life was a book, it'd be called, "Color Me Gone".
When you hear more and more stories about what they've done together, and you find yourself saying, out loud, something along the lines of, that must have been fun. First few times, you don't think much of it. Eventually it clicks. Maybe get a pity invite somewhere down the line, and while excited, you still feel like you're the oddball there, because you're wondering, where did this come from? Ends up being like an obligation sort of thing, because these other people have known you for a while, and then you're done. Probably didn't help that you might have tried too hard in some spots, on that one excursion, but you feel like there's all that pressure.
High school ended. I got one email, and then they stopped. Even the ones who stayed in the area completely stopped sending me texts or email. And no one responded to mine.
These were guys I spent every lunch and often after school for up to four years with.
Yaaaay.
It's not uncommon for people to cut ties with friends after they've finished school, switched jobs, moved to another town or started a relationship. Never ending, eternal friendships are very rare.
When they all were planning a trip to the mall and I asked if I could come, my mom would have driven me so a ride wasnt the issue, and they said they only wanted three people going.
Also when they chose to speak in a language I didn't understand for a whole lunch period just so I didn't know what they were talking about. They did it a few times and I just started bringing a book to lunch.
In college one tried to recruit me into his fraternity so we were hitting bars on weekends. After a few nights out, he gets more than a little drunk and says "you aren't nearly as bad as they said. You're actually fun to hang out with."
Oh? I say... go on.
Seems my entire senior year they held "secret meetings" on how to avoid me. You know that hormonal teenage angsty phase most go through where you think people are talking about you?
Yeah... it was true in my case.
Ironically, the rest of my class actually held me in pretty high regard.
Seems I only talk about bad memories on here these days but here we go again! 3rd grade. I was really poor. Me, my mom, and my stepdad lived in motels or cars. I never had clean clothes or food. My hair was down to the floor and I was always reading a library book. I rarely made friends because I was always changing schools every few weeks to months. On the first day of school I made a friend, Misty. No one liked her because she’d peed her pants on orientation day. She was really nice though and we got along. A few weeks later I met Theresa, a girl from art class. Theresa started acting shifty and weird one day so I asked what was up. This girl proceeds to tell me the principal has been molesting her. I was shocked and wanted to tell an adult but she swore me to secrecy. I began spending more time with her than Misty because of this. At the same time a group of popular rich girls started bullying all 3 of us. Tying my hair to a desk, putting tacks in our chairs, stealing our books, starting rumors, even ruining our art projects. Misty stopped hanging out with me and didn’t give me a reason but Theresa stayed so we kept getting closer. Then one day it finally came to a head. Theresa told the art teacher I kicked her under the table. The mean girls backed her up. I tried to go to the teacher after class but it was too late. They got there first. They told the teachers and principal that I was having sex with my cousin (we weren’t having sex and he wasn’t my cousin, just a family friends kid that I waved at sometimes), that I was telling people the principal was molesting me, and that I was bullying them. They called my mom. I was expelled and for it not to go on my record I had to go to mandatory therapy for a year. The worst part was when I was leaving I saw Misty and ran over to say goodbye and she yelled that I was a s**t and needed to stay away. In the end, Theresa traded my friendship to be a popular girl and ruined my life in the process. She showed up years later as a friend of a friend and I pushed her off a balcony. Nobody believed her either. 4.0 grade average kid who’s never been violent attacking a kid she didn’t even know? What was she gonna do? Own up to what she’d done? Not a chance. I learned an important skill early and I have her to thank for that. I can walk away from anyone at anytime. Even family. I cut ties like I get paid for it and I never regret it.
I broke up with another person in the group (ish amicably) he started dating another friend and i was never invited to anything after that. So they only hung with me bc i was dating him.
Your lover's friends rarely become your close friends and as soon as you break up, they don't consider you part of their group anymore. Happens all the time, doesn't say anything about you or them as a person.
When I would show up to public places, like my apartment pool or nearby bars and see my "friends". They would be hardly excited and feign interest in what j was up to at the time. Oh and they'd act like I was invited but showed up late. Not the case and it hurt
Does it count if, you want to go meet up with your friend, but he is with his roommates friends and warns you (and them) that we may not get along. Only to get there, meet them, get along great and have a great night and then his roommates friends saying to you that they didn't like your friend very much? That was a fun night actually..
For me it was my first year of high school. I was on my school's JV basketball team, and during a half day of school all the girls decided they were going to go out to lunch together. I was one of the only 2 girls on the team not invited. I was already feeling pretty lonely that year, but that was the icing on top of the f**king cake. I went home and broke down, and to make matters worse I had to face everyone later on at practice. It stung like hell. Mind you, I had known a majority of these girls for several years and had gotten along with them quite well, so I was quite confused on why I wouldn't have been invited. The next day I asked someone why no one invited me, and I get slapped with the "oh, I thought we did?" Clearly my presence mattered so much.... Several years later I unwillingly embrace my loner status.
High school is a tough time. We want so badly to fit in and realize we don't. Instead of accepting a loaner status, perhaps try to be a "floater," where you are friendly with everybody but not close to anyone.
The group of people I often hung out with decided to have a sleepover/ movie night. I was not invited because they forgot to tell me. Next day at school they told me it was actually for the better because they all got drunk and I was known for never drinking.
That was about 8-9 years ago and I never felt like part of a friend group since then.
Worked somewhere for almost 10 years. Different coworkers would get noticed and get cards/gift cards for new homes, marriages, baby’s, loss of loved ones, etc. My husband and I got married- nothing. My husband and I bought our first house- nothing. I got my associates degree after i was encouraged by said work place to further my education- nothing. My grandma whom I was very close with passed unexpectedly- nothing. I finally decided I had enough of this place and got another job. When I quit- no going away party like others had, nothing. I got a card in the mail two months later. I stay in touch with 3 girls who I worked with- but everyone else really hurt me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.
Bullied in Jr, I never knew why. "My friends"? All bailed. I honestly don't know why. That's the worst. I thought they were my friends, I thought I was a good friend & then I realized how much they just didn't care. That really hurt. I know I had a rough childhood & I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around....kids can be so cruel. When I had breast cancer, one of them reached out to me, invited me to her home. I live on the East coast, she lived in Texas. I hate flying, but I thought she cared, nope wanted me to know about her life. Never even asked about me. Her husband clearly wasn't happy I was there....weird trip, still confused by it.
As an adult it was difficult to trust anyone. Fast forward, 20 yrs of therapy/ recovery, finally I have real friends, an awesome husband/life partner & I know I'm a good friend/person. True friends make life beautiful. I am so happy. May you find good friends & happiness ......they do exist!
I am so happy that it all worked out! That “friend” of yours was a narcissist
thought I had a great group of friends, mostly from work. We had lunches together, did weekend cookouts together, dinner parties, kids birthday parties, etc.
Then I switched jobs, and my friend circle went from about 15-20 to about 3. Everything stopped. The invites to lunch, the cookouts, the birthday parties, etc all stopped.
Tried reaching out and got a few non-committal, generic responses. Realized that most of them weren't friends, just work acquaintances.
This happened to me after I retired. I thought we were friends, but they are just people I used to work with. It's tough to make new friends as an adult.
Was a part of a group chat between friends and family, only four of us in total. We were all really close for a number of years. One day I get a girlfriend who two of my friends liked the look of for a little while. They went to school with her and I met her for the first time when I turned 23. A year after dating my gf (still going strong 3 years later) I start to notice I'm not included in a lot of activities the other three get up to. I'm not invited to the cinema, meals out, staying round each others house, going out for drinks etc...
Tbh I didn't take much notice to begin with as I didn't know they were still going out doing things together as I'd only find out by other friends/family as they'd ask, "did you go out with X last night"? Those sorts of things. I just assumed they would think I'd say no because I've settled down and moved out with my gf.
I remember one weekend my family member said he was having a takeaway and asked if I wanted to come, I thought to myself, yeah brilliant as I'm actually being invited out. I then ask if my gf can come too and he simply replied, "Sorry, there aren't enough seats". I felt so s**t. Not enough seats?? I just took it as I've been kicked out the group... I still to this day believe they don't talk to me as often simply because of my gf and I being together. She is a brilliant person and she is nothing but nice to everyone, I just guess they are jealous of the fact she saw me for the first time and a week later we are starting to see one another.
After 5-6 years of health problem and as I got better and actually made some real friends.
Realised that most of the people I considered friends I could count on at most 2 hands the number of times they had contacted me in that time span.
when my mother died.... and all my longterm " friends" just sort of avoided the subject
when my husband took his own life his ex-wife went to everyone that would listen doing everything she could to convince everyone it was my fault that I'd pushed him to it. she even contacted the papers for his obit and called herself his wife in them, I wasn't mentioned. then she used the child they'd had as blackmail saying if I was allowed at the funeral, his parents wouldn't see their granddaughter again. guess who's side they took, here's a hint...not mine. to this day people still blame me it's been five years. but before he died I was the only one desperately trying to help him. the one time he was hospitalized all his mother did was show up and scream at him. his ex-wife acted like she cared so he told her everything that he was dealing with and she used it against him till the day he died. she'd say that his daughter was so much better off if he weren't around and how awful he was and how nobody loved him. but I'm the bad guy...
We had been drifting apart for a few months after a 10yr friendship which hurt because I had supported her through her Mum dying when she was 16, her sisters fought all the time, one of them gave her a black eye one time and I had supported her through so much. I was severely depressed, suicidal even and she was nowhere, I somehow got engaged during this dark time. She loved weddings so I thought this might help bring us back together so I told her. Her response? "I've got to go as my boyfriend wants sex!!!" There had been another of selfish moments from her before this like she rang me specifically to tell me that she had opened my christmas gift she had bought and ate it because she wanted chocolate and couldn't be bothered to go to the shop 10 minutes away. She also forgot several meet ups, birthdays and had been bad mouthing me because I was unemployed due to my depression so I just gave up.
The day my so called best friend (I talked to her every day for 9 months) told me I was toxic, and with no other explanations or examples, never talked to me again. It stung for a while. Still does. I thought we were pretty close
My friends don't support me. I always thought that they liked me, loved me even, but I was never invited to anything with them. At one point, my friend admitted that I was really annoying and clingy. I had anxiety and thought that I would lose them. That led to me acting clingy and then...I did. And the entire friend group sided with her. I was so hurt. Now I only have one good friend I can fully trust.
Almost every friendship I've had in my life has been like the stories above. I grew up with undiagnosed autism, and was desperate for any friends, even if they treated me like utter sh*t. They knew that and took advantage of it. They would tell me to do things, and I would do it. I couldn't say no. I was the little court jester. They laughed at me behind my back and in front of my face, because they knew I wouldn't get it (again, the autism).
I was always left out. Always ignored. Always excluded. I grew up thinking that friendship was about exchange, you give and give and they take and take and take until you have nothing left to give. I still have trouble setting boundaries. I'm working on it, but God, is it hard to unlearn.
My current high school friend group is the same way. They only really tolerate me because we do theatre together. And my online friends, I'm always the one talking them out of serious issues, they put their lives in my hands. And when I ask for something simple, like an acknowledgement that I'm struggling, I'm ignored. It hurts.
I'm always alone. I know they don't treat me the way I deserve. But being alone is worse than being bullied. I guess that's just the way it is.
No, being alone isn't worse than being bullied. I was recently diagnosed with autism (at 27) and I went through exactly the same struggles as you. Then I went on my own merry way and discovered it was waaay better. Don't misunderstand : it's hard to be alone, but then it leaves place for new healthy people to come in your life.
I am actually someone who ghosted a friend. Before you judge, let me explain.
She was an emotional vampire. All of our interactions left me feeling drained of energy and mentally exhausted.
I came to the realization over a year or two that everything was about her and her needs. She talked non-stop about her physical and mental issues, guy trouble, and family drama. It seemed something was always going wrong with everyone around her, and she was the common denominator, but never gained the self awareness to figure it out.
Then I realized that she was using me as an excuse to go out with guys while cheating on her S.O. She would get these men to fall for her, accept expensive gifts and then break contact with them when they wanted to take the relationship to the next level. She broke the heart of one man who had had a series of tragedies in his life and didn't need yet another heartbreak. She had the audacity to be angry with him for being sad.
The final straw was a few days after my dad died. She invited me to a christmas party at her workplace, proceeded to sneak alcohol even though there was a one drink limit, and got completely hammered.
I sat through the party trying not to cry and feeling abandoned. When it was time to go a couple of guys had to carry her to my truck. When I got her home she refused to get out and her boyfriend had to pull her out while I pried her fingers off of the seat, door, and door frame.
I HATE babysitting drunks and she knew that because of my dad being an alcoholic and my difficult childhood. (Dad stopped drinking around the time I hit my 30s.)
So, rather than giving her a verbal beatdown, I stopped visiting, stopped accepting her invitations to go out, and took days to answer her texts.
I did not have the emotional capacity to deal with her anymore.
I could have handled it better, I know, but in my grief over losing my dad I just didn't have it in me to deal with her anymore.
A friendship should feel uplifting and pretty equal in give and take. Ours had become so one sided I had come to dread spending time with her.
A year or so after my dad died, I randomly bumped into her at the gricery store. She demanded to know why I had ghosted her so right there in the store I told her everything I said here.
She said, "I ruined everything didn't I?"
I told her yes and we parted ways.
I still miss her sometimes, the friendship we had at the beginning, but then I remember all of these things plus her jealousy and drunken cheating and rages, and I feel glad that I don't have that stress in my life anymore. My sanity and well-being are worth more than a friendship.
I wish her well though and hope she can find happiness without all of the drama.
TLDR/ I ghosted a friend for being too needy and manipulative when I was struggling with grief after my dad died.
Wasn't doing too hot (mental health, seasonal depression, all that jazz). My best friend of 12 years had been hanging out with her partner a lot (this wouldn't be an issue if she hadn't canceled plans with me to hang out with him, and that kind of stuff). And usually, this wouldn't bother me, but I missed her. So he was over at his house for the third day in a row, and me being the type of person who makes jokes to deal with stress, made a completely not insulting or problematic joke. She sent me an entire paragraph, that was something along the lines of "You're a terrible person. I don't like hanging out with you. You're selfish and make everything about you. You don't make me feel good about myself" etc, etc. And I thought this was funny because I've always been there for her. I was there when she got her heartbroken, went into a mental hospital, all of that. As I said, it's been 12 years.
Safe to say that we're not friends anymore, and that was a waste of 12 years.
Best friends with a girl from another state(border state so trips were frequent to visit each other and about 4 hours away from each other). We met when we were about 14 and 15 at a horse show (competition where you ride your horse in front of judges). We attended each others high school graduations, made the trips every single year for each others bdays and were each others maid of honor in our weddings. I didn't particularly care for her husband but he made her happy and was always nice when we were in a group. (Basically had nothing in common with me and my husband but my friend adored him.) After 5 or 6 years of marriage, they end up divorced. She was devastated and found out he had been cheating on her with someone at work. My husband and I made the trip to her home to console her and help her figure out her next step. Everything seemed normal and we continued our friendship mostly over the phone and Facebook messages because adulting and jobs are hard! This continued for a couple of years with short trips in between messages and seeing each other at horse shows. Well, I was scrolling Instagram one day when I saw a pic of her and a guy in formal wear on a cliff in Ireland. I was thinking she had a friend she was visiting as we both are avid travelers and adventurers and thought to myself that she was finally healing and getting back to normal. Nope. She had been seeing this guy for about a year, never told me at ANY of our brief visits. The photo was of them right after getting MARRIED!!! I was hurt but thought she just wanted an intimate ceremony after having the big first wedding. I congratulated her and all seemed well. A year passes and again I am scrolling Insta and see a photo of a sonogram on her page. She was pregnant and hadn't bothered to call, message, write, anything. I stewed on it for a while and messaged her. I basically poured out my feelings of how hurt I felt after being there for EVERYTHING for each other she didn't bother telling me about a wedding and a baby. She basically told me that she didn't want anyone to know about either because she is kind of a private person. HELLO INSTA posts for EVERYONE to see!!! Didn't make sense to me so I just told her to have a nice life! My husband told me that he thinks because the new husband is very well off and so is her family, she dumped me after everything we had been through because I am not in her wealthy clique!! It makes sense now that I think about it. My husband and I have great jobs and aren't wealthy by any means but we are able to do the things we want and have a nice home. We still follow each other on Facebook but haven't spoken or messaged one another in 2 years. I still get sad but it is what it is.
I would completely cut ties and delete her on socials too. It's just gonna eat at you.
I worked with someone and we became quite close to the extent that I thought we were BFFs. She eventually became the head of the department and was always complaining that she was overworked (she was), so I offered to help her by doing some of her work. The day she left (she got a promotion post at another institution) there was a huge farewell party for her. During her speech, she went around the room saying how she felt about everyone there. I thought I would be first to be mentioned after our two bosses. Or at least third or fourth... My spirit fell each time she looked around the room and didn't mention me. I think I was the second-last person she mentioned. That hurt after I'd been doing half her work for five years!
Another friend of mine in the same department was friends with this woman's husband as they worked closely together. We went out for lunch with them once after they had both eventually left, and never. saw. them. again. Never even HEARD from them again. After more than ten years of working closely with them. I realized that they were the kind of friends who were friends with you when you were in their orbit. As soon as you weren't, it was like you didn't exist.
A colleague of mine was also suckered by this woman. She convinced him to abandon the job at our institution to come and work for her, saying she had a long-term plan for him to move up in their institution. Then she got another promotion post and left, leaving him in a vulnerable position. He was re-hired by our department, and naturally has nothing good to say about her. I don't blame him.
Some just use other. Once their Need is over they have moved on to search for new suckers
Her brother rapped me and she let it happen 😕
My BEST friend since ninth grade completely turned her back on me when I went through a very difficult divorce when after a marriage before marrying for almost 20 years.
Apparently my soon to be ex had called everyone in my phone contacts and told them that I was a horrible person. She wouldn’t even listen to my side of the story, just preceded to tell me what a horrible Christian wife I was, and ended our friendship right there and then. WOW! So much for loving and supporting a fellow Christian. Really missed our supportive and loving friendship. All of our kids really missed their best friends that they had that grown up with for their entire lives. So sad for everyone involved.
So sorry to hear that. Not everyone is like that, keep on lovin the Lord
I worked for 14 years in the same place and decided to leave. We had a close relationship in our team, for example we went on weekend trips together or some parties on friday night, stuff like this, You get the point.
In my last week there was an "christmas apero" which i could not attend, because i had to be with a service technician on one of our important machines. I saw the people on the apero from my window, because it was in a room across the big production hall. Several people knew i was stuck with the service technician. When he left, i went to the apero at last second. Nearly everyone was gone and one of the organizing workers asked me "why didn't you come sooner? It was meant for you, did nobody tell you?"
I was in there alone, eating what was left while they cleaned (it was in a meeting room with a schedule) and found the present they always give while everybody claps between the used plates. I took it and went back to work. They could have said "go to the apero, i'll handle the technician" or something, but no...
I met this girl at a festival my school was hosting. We were having fun and just enjoying each other’s company. At the end of the festival, we decided to become friends because we wanted to. Weeks later we are friends and just really hitting it off (to my perception). That’s when s*** starts to o hit the fan. She started to become distant and in my head I’m thinking it’s probably not a big deal. Weeks later, a mutual of mine tells me that the girl told her that she didn’t want to be friends anymore because I was annoying and clingy. My mutual also stated that she was going to tell me that she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. What made me heated was the fact that I had to hear this from a MUTUAL instead of her confronting me and ending our friendship to my face. She ended up leaving the school and I ended up having detachment issues. I now can’t keep a friend because of my anxiety thinking that I’m annoying them and being clingy so I just end up distancing myself from them before I hear any bs from them or a mutual.
Had a friend I was best friends with since 8th grade. Been with her through her having her kids and me having my son. Also through 3 husbands on my part. One day she just wouldn’t answer my phone calls any more and stopped spending time with me. I called and called. I thought her kids and my son were friends too but when she stopped answering my calls they stopped answering his. Still don’t know what I did to this day to warrant that.
I’ve had that with people. You’re just suddenly shut off and no explanation.
I lost my best friend to marriage and moving to a different state.
We had been friends since 6th grade up until our early 20's. Sleepovers, crazy antics, just super close, not romantically, just felt like my sister from a different mother.
She moved to a bigger city, I moved to a different state. We would talk about once a month, catch up. We would see each other, meet up two or three times a year. Have a blast, go bar hopping, see a show, hang out and do some crazy awesome stuff. Then she met her now husband. Everything changed. I am genuinely very happy for her, she found her other half. It just hurt, s**t I'm crying, I loved her, she was the one person I felt I could tell everything too, and not be judged, or ridiculed for it.
She also met new people when she moved, and I understand that she saw them more and whatnot. I just felt that we as friends didn't matter anymore. I did get invited to the wedding, and I really did try, I drove 4 hrs to attend. The directions were the worst I had ever seen, (this is before cellphones), I found a cop, in the city, where I thought was close to the venue, he looked at my directions, laughed, and said, somebody really wanted you to get lost. The venue was still 1/2 hr away, wedding was suppose to start in 5 min. I thanked the officer, found the highway and just headed home.
Have never heard from her again.
I knew her dad passed about five years later, I sent her mom a funny card, (we do wakes, in my family, we celebrate a life), saying only positive things, asking if she needed anything. Her mom wrote back, that it was a wonderful card, really help uplift her, gave her the laugh she needed. That she missed me, the asked me, why me and daughter don't talk anymore. I didn't know how to answer it. So I just wrote back that I was happy to help and ignored the other question.
I really do wonder some times, "What the fu@k happened?"
I had friends whom I met in college. We remained friends throughout college. Even after they left me and continued on for another couple years. But a few years down the line I stopped dating the boy I was with (also part of said group) I stop getting invited to things like movie nights or just general hangouts. Always found out about the hang later after the pictures had been posted on social media. When I “jokingly” said ‘where was my invite’ they replied back with ‘oh we assumed you’d be working’. One particular time i did happen to working that day but my shift finished at like 2pm so I still had a chance to come them after that.
Needless to say it got the point where I had enough of being left out and ignored that I have removed them as friends from social media.
So conclusion I was only invited to stuff cos I was dating that one guy
The day my coworkers held a baby shower off the property for my cubicle neighbor and didn’t tell me. I came back from a meeting and saw gift bags at her desk.
2 stories here:
1: When I was 8, still at that age where make believe games were a thing you do, I was in a group of 3 friends, and we would all play this dumb fairy game. This was third grade. Keep in mind that the others in the group were only friends because I introduced them to each other. Anyway, over the summer, the other two in our group hung out A LOT over the summer and became really close. I honestly didn't mind because I assumed it wouldn't change how they treated me. I was dead wrong. 4th grade comes and they started playing without me and would run away whenever I tried to join them. I tried to stand up for myself, and they told me, and I quote, "NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU [name]!!" First time I actually cried at school. At one point, they said they'd let me join them if I changed my hairstyle, or my clothes, or whatever, I honestly don't remember at this point. Thankfully, I found a new group of people who actually were nice, until one day they also decided they were sick of me. I once again found another friend, but she was WAY too clingy and would yell at me if I even looked at another person. Thankfully I did patch things up with one of the people who ditched me, and we are really good friends again. Moral of the story: I am not good in trios.
2: There were two siblings, let's call them Joey and Jade for privacy, and we were all really good friends, or so I thought. Our parents were close, so I didn't have a choice but to visit them. Now, Joey and Jade seemed nice, but they would gaslight me, exclude me, physically hurt me, and reduce me to tears quite often. Of course I also had fun with them, but all I can remember is when they did they did things like gaslight me into thinking I had already taken my turn so I would never get a chance to participate, or when they beat me up with a foam roller and called it spy training, or when they got everyone in the room (this was during a part so at least 20 people) to pile on top of me and crush me. They even managed to make me think it was all normal and all groups would do things like this. My least favorite moment was when I got a big cut, but Joey would refuse to give me a bandaid because "a table fell on him" thus my pain was invalid.
After I moved, I was able to escape all of the toxicity and finally find a group of 5 people who actually care about me.
Everyone but me went to a movie a together. It wasn't a movie i wanted to see so not a big deal but it kinda hurt.
A few months ago i got a false positive for Covid. And I trusted one of my friends of TWO YEARS enough for me to tell her. She still hasn't talked to me. I know i shouldn't have people like that in my life but i miss her a lot.
I was part of a friend group untill exaclty one year ago. The “leader” was friends with me ever since we were 5. I met the group when I was 8 and we hung out a lot. After COVID hit we resorted to chatting online untill the situation was a bit more under control. I got suicidal thoughts last year and made a few attempts on my life untill my friends found out. All of them believed it was for attention when it actually was not. Once I caught COVID around that time they didn’t even send a single message to me. I got blocked and found out that they were talking so many things behind my back. All those years of friendship apparently didn’t mean anything to them. They always came to me if they had problems but the moment I had one they all ditched me
I was best friends with this girl I had met just before starting Grade 6. Looking back there were a bunch of red flags I ignored or missed. We stayed close friends after she moved across the city. We had sleepovers nearly every weekend at each other's homes for a for a few years. We had ups and downs. Sometimes she would get irrationally upset with me over stupid things, like being too shy to approach guys I crushed on at the mall. Or reading my Archie Comics from front to back because that's how I liked to read them. Petty stuff like that.
After one sleepover she just stopped contacting me and her mom said she wasn't there every time I called her. After about a year or 2 we had moved to another area. This girl managed to find my new number and call me. She seemed so excited. I invited her over one day and after that she was MIA again.
A few years later, we had gotten in contact again she told me what happened. There was some issues in the family. I can understand that.
Then she stopped contacting me. I hadn't heard from her for over 15 years until she found me on Facebook. She invited me over to catch up and there would be some more of her friends over.
I don't know what I expected but I definitely didn't expect to be attending an It Works! recruitment meeting. At the end of it all it was apparent that, although it seemed she didn't mind me being there, when she walked me to the bus stop ( or dumped me there without making sure I got on the bus ok. It was a long wait.) she seemed annoyed and irritated with my presence.
I tried inviting her over, ignoring her MLM venture, but she said she wanted to "spend time with my family. You live too far, too." Oooo-kaaayy, Not like I don' t have a kid of my own. It would have been a 20 min drive, if that. Like, I took 2 buses to go to her place.
Anyways. She never contacted me, again. I hate to think that me not being interested in being part of her MLM team had anything to do with it.
Bullied in Jr, I never knew why. "My friends"? All bailed. I honestly don't know why. That's the worst. I thought they were my friends, I thought I was a good friend & then I realized how much they just didn't care. That really hurt. I know I had a rough childhood & I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around....kids can be so cruel. When I had breast cancer, one of them reached out to me, invited me to her home. I live on the East coast, she lived in Texas. I hate flying, but I thought she cared, nope wanted me to know about her life. Never even asked about me. Her husband clearly wasn't happy I was there....weird trip, still confused by it.
As an adult it was difficult to trust anyone. Fast forward, 20 yrs of therapy/ recovery, finally I have real friends, an awesome husband/life partner & I know I'm a good friend/person. True friends make life beautiful. I am so happy. May you find good friends & happiness ......they do exist!
This just makes me cringe. So many sh*tty people..
So, story time.
Growing up I had three close friends in my neighborhood, we did everything together, even found a secret manhole to a room from the WWII era. Eventually, as we all went to different schools (public and private) the group got smaller and I was only friends with one person. As we got older the age gap was pretty obvious, but we still hung out, went hiking, tennis matches ect... When I graduated and moved to college we lost touch for a while, like say 5 years. But a very random trip back (one where I also got in touch with the family that raised me and I hadn't spoken to in 7 years) we hung, got drinks and caught up. Turns out all those lessons and matches in tennis had paid off, he had switched to public school and ended up taking the Tennis team to State and winning! I was stoked for him, excited the school finally had at least a few good years of a tennis team. We stayed in touch, mostly through email and text after that, until about 2 years later when I was getting married. I called him up an asked if he'd be the best man, and he was excited about it, told him when, made sure that was cool, sent the invite...never replied. He stopped answering emails and texts, calls went to voicemail. I finally reached him -- the day of the wedding, (yeah I know, but I was young and stupid) and he tells me he "thought the day was several months in the future and couldn't make it". I wasn't in my home state, so I knew only a few people, none of which would have made a good best man. Brides father ended up taking his spot last minute... bride was furious. Never spoke with that guy again..
I was the one picked on for the year in 6th grade, for no reason I know of except girls are nasty creatures.
I put up with it all year, and when 7th grade arrived, I became really good friends with some girls from another school (our schools merged at that grade).
I remember my old "friends" being so mad that I'd dared to give them up for new people and I just laughed and laughed. Made tons of new friends (some I still have!) and those petty girls all ended up not making any new friends. No invites, no parties, only their miserable little group.
Still makes me smile.
When I was in junior high, I was part of a group of friends from the neighborhood. Bunch of siblings, etc. in the group. We all hung out together every day. Well, one of the boys was having a party, told all of us. My mom bought me a new outfit, I was excited. The night of the party, I knocked on the door, the boy's girl friend opened it, said "Oh, you weren't invited" and slammed the door in my face. No one in the group, including my brother, ever said a word about it, though they were all there. That was 50 years ago and it still hurts to think about.
I had a "best friend" for almost 20 years. We met at work, almost same age. Trust me, back then I'd jump into fire for that twat. Few years ago we decided to make a business together. You can't always be poor, right? Online store with clothing, inspired by hers sisters in law idea (SIL was selling kids clothes, we were supposed to sell women stuff). I already had my own deal on my head, she was unemployed. Well it seems that my BFF was a lying, untrustworthy and lazy AF beatch. After many times me asking her to do sth, I said "fine, do it yourself if you so smart and have all that time". Two years pass and I'm still paying the debt I made because of it. I hate that h*e to guts.
Was friends with a group of girls from early high school until late 20s. Even ended up dating one for 5 years. As we grew up we still spoke but we're slowly drifting apart. We'd still catch up regularly precovid. One Christmas the one I was dating was offered money by her homophobic parents, and I guess she accepted. I ended up having a mental health episode and ended up in hospital after a suicide attempt. I haven't heard from none of them ever since. I've tried reaching out since my mental health has improved and none of them have replied. 17 years of friendship for nothing. 'ars' really lived up to their names
In grade school I had a group of friends I thought I was really close with until a few years later after I had already drifted away from that group when one of the people I had stayed friends with told me that the most popular friend in the group had told everyone else not to hang out with me.
When on a three person Gc would openly talk in code of inside jokes. I was super confused at first on what the hell they were talking abt, but then they just said oh…only me and Aubrey will know. The little f*****s
Had a group of friends in high school, and another group at church. Decided to invite my school friends to church youth activities, and for a while there, we had so much fun. Then I realized that the group was doing things without me... except one. She hung out with me constantly. She stayed friends with the others, but she always chose me over them. I thought she was the one true friend.
When she got married (we were in college), I couldn't be there. Long story short, she had only given a few weeks' notice (she wasn't preggo or anything, they just decided they didn't want to wait) and I had accepted a job out of town at a summer camp for the summer. I didn't have enough time to ask off. I hated it. I was so upset. She said it was fine, and we remained friends despite being in different areas for college.
So when I got married, I asked her to be my MOH and she accepted. We were having fun and planning things. Then out of the blue, she told me she couldn't do it, and couldn't even come to the wedding, because it hurt too much because her married didn't last. I was heartbroken. But I feel like some of our other old friends had something to do with it because they weren't invited (nor was I invited to theirs, but that's how they were). I just unfriended them all on social media and went about my life.
That one friend has been thru 2 divorces now... and I'm still with my husband after 12 yrs (plus over 6 yrs dating) and we're still going strong. Guess I'm not really the one that's hard to share life with.
When in college, my best friend got engaged with her boyfriend. After talking about dinner together she told me her fiancé said when I when I got a boyfriend she could invite us both over, meaning I couldn't be invited over being just me.
I quit speaking to her and didn't see her for for almost 45 years. She got in touch with me through Facebook and we began a Facebook relationship but as of yet nothing closer. She did marry her fiancé and then divorced him.
I feel like it was less the fiance and more her giving you a pre-emptory un-invitation until you got a boyfriend so you wouldn't realize she was an a*****e in the moment.
This has happened a couple times to me. My first experience with fake friends was between middle school and high school. The entire group I’d become close to in middle school completely stopped talking to me in high school. I even had a class with some of them, and they ignored me the whole four years. The second time is pretty current. Some of my coworkers go to law school with me, and they don’t really interact with me on the walk to or from work/class, even leaving me behind a few times on the walk back. These coworkers and I seemed kind of close, at least more than others since we also go to school together, but I guess not.
Thought I had two friends in junior high to high school. They didn’t really run in the same circle. Once I found out they both got in touch because of me it was me out of the loop. They would hang out without me. Send pizzas to my house. My mom found out about that one night when she got gone an two delivery guys were getting out of their cars. She got the phone number they called from an sent them to the one girls house as she followed in her car and made the one girls parents pay for it all. Her parents gave my mom the pizzas which had some f****d up toppings and both girls were banned from seeing each other over it. They still hung out til both of them got busted for shop lifting. I stay wary of new people and have learned if someone wants to be my friend they put an effort in as much as I do. We drifted apart after high school. They both were drop outs. I graduated. Both got married to losers. I waited an married a nice guy. Just tell your kids to be nice to people even if not close friends. You might need them someday. And if not friends watch how they treat others too.
Had a casual friend from Girl Scouts, her mom was the leader and we got along well. When my best friend moved and went to another school, the other friend became like a new bestie. We ate lunch together, played at recess, etc. One day I asked what she wanted to do at recess, and she told me she didn't like me, just hung out with me "to be nice." That hurt.
Years down the line, we reconnected bc she was dating a guy my husband and I were hanging out with regularly. I was a (makeup company) rep, and invited her to a meeting for a facial and to give her opinion of the business. She seemed to enjoy it, said she had a favorite product she'd like to buy next time she had extra cash. I tried to reach out after couple weeks, see how she was doing, if she was still interested, or if she wanted to hang out again. She responded with an aggressive text saying she TOLD me she didn't want any of that crap, and only went to be nice. Guess she never grew up or learned how to say "no thanks" which is all I would have liked. I responded that next time she shouldn't bother being "nice," just politely decline. Even her boyfriend at the time talked to me later and apologized for her, he had asked if she had actually said she wasn't interested and she admitted to him she hadn't. Usually I hope for the best for others, but I kinda hope she got/gets burned like that one day.
Bullied in Jr, I never knew why. "My friends"? All bailed. I honestly don't know why. That's the worst. I thought they were my friends, I thought I was a good friend & then I realized how much they just didn't care. That really hurt. I know I had a rough childhood & I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around....kids can be so cruel. When I had breast cancer, one of them reached out to me, invited me to her home. I live on the East coast, she lived in Texas. I hate flying, but I thought she cared, nope wanted me to know about her life. Never even asked about me. Her husband clearly wasn't happy I was there....weird trip, still confused by it.
As an adult it was difficult to trust anyone. Fast forward, 20 yrs of therapy/ recovery, finally I have real friends, an awesome husband/life partner & I know I'm a good friend/person. True friends make life beautiful. I am so happy. May you find good friends & happiness ......they do exist!
One time my friend Mel moved to San Francisco and asked for help because she knew I could borrow a truck. . It was a two-hour drive each way. She had actually enlisted both me and our friend Chris to help, with each of our cars loaded with her furniture and boxes. When it was time to leave, she jumped into Chris' car and I realized I'd be driving to SF with a truck full of her stuff.
Now, granted, she HAD to choose one vehicle to ride in, but it wasn't mine!
I used to be friends with a girl up the street. we used to have lots of fun, except for a few times when I misinterpreted the situation. she and her brother did not get along at all, they yelled at each other. she wasn't that good with expressing her emotions, anger was her default emotion. I finally left after she hit me for touching her (I must admit to wondering if I touched her somewhere I shouldn't, I don't know), thankfully she had a stress ball in her hand otherwise I would have hurt more than loosing someone I thought I was close with.
Bullied in Jr, I never knew why. "My friends"? All bailed. I honestly don't know why. That's the worst. I thought they were my friends, I thought I was a good friend & then I realized how much they just didn't care. That really hurt. I know I had a rough childhood & I probably wasn't the easiest person to be around....kids can be so cruel. When I had breast cancer, one of them reached out to me, invited me to her home. I live on the East coast, she lived in Texas. I hate flying, but I thought she cared, nope wanted me to know about her life. Never even asked about me. Her husband clearly wasn't happy I was there....weird trip, still confused by it.
As an adult it was difficult to trust anyone. Fast forward, 20 yrs of therapy/ recovery, finally I have real friends, an awesome husband/life partner & I know I'm a good friend/person. True friends make life beautiful. I am so happy. May you find good friends & happiness ......they do exist!
I had to stop reading the posts. I'm sorry this happened to everyone of them, I really am. I hope you'll find nice people from now on... Big hugs...
The whole post was ripped off from 2019 Reddit posts. So you're wasting your time.
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Wow people are assholes! I just don't understand the point of being this toxic to others. In the past, if I have a problem with someone, I would sit down with them and talk it out. Most of the time it was just a misunderstanding on my part. I would apologize and everything would be fine. No hate, no toxicity, and no judgement.
I agree which is why I think there is more to a lot of these tales than the people involved are admitting. There are two sides to every story and we're only getting one side.
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My "bestfriend" since i was 18 (I am now 39) now is a person that i used to know. Thru the years whenever we went out , i mostly paid for our drinks, gave him money to have a good times in the casinos, etc without asking for it back, Whenever he needed money i was the first one to give him even if it was only $20 for gas. Was there when he and his kids mother went to war, seen her throw forks at him, and ridicule him. I always was the voice of reasoning and a counselor and more importantly a brother to him and his younger brothers. He never had a place to stay, always renting rooms all over town, never had a steady life (to each its own). So he would always come over to my apartment to drink and smoke just to keep his mind off of things. I recently lost my apartment due to a financial struggle. The day i was moving out, i asked him if he can help me move. He texted me back that he will be there later on in the afternoon and that was the last text i ever got from him.
Till this day i have no idea why...I lost a lot of friends and at the worst time of my life i lost what i thought was my family. I have really no friends and i feel like i was a positive person for the most part with anyone that i encountered. I'm going thru depression and i have no one to talk to or to confide in. It hurts me every day as i think about it. Good thing i have my 2 kittens that keep me going due to i have to provide the best life i can for them..
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The band I was in back in the early 1980’s. We had practice at the home of one member then decided to go to a bar 25 miles away. We take two cars and the other three guys hop in one car and I drive in my car by myself. Band mates. Not friends. Got it.
I had a small group of friends and when I got sick they all seemed pretty good and understanding. Well, my illness became chronic and I found out it would be long term. Fast forward and I'm near the end of my life. I have not heard from any of them in over 5 years. The last one that ever spoke to me ( in fewer words) said : My condition is just too much to handle for her and that she didn't know that this is what she would be getting into when she became friends with me. I mean if it was a 1-2 year friendship w/e but all of those "friends" we grew up together..30+ years of our lives together. How do people do that? If they tried to contact me to apologize or dare show any feelings when I'm dead...screw them.
Finally a good reason to be a friendless loser, none of this s**t can happen if I'm already alone
This is why I don’t go out unless I really, really need to.
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People can be so cruel. I never understood how anyone could just consciously leave people out like that. I don’t think people realize the lasting damage they can do to other people. I’m so sorry these things happened.
Work environment. Was needed to cover the office in another town. Thought we all got on very well. Then came across an exercise book in which all the other office staff had written down things they said I was doing wrong, pasting copies of typing errors I’d made, times when they believed I was undertaking jobs that were not from that office/doing my own things, times when they said I’d answered the phone in the “wrong” way, etc. The book had been started as soon as I got there and after about 6 months it was over halfway full. I brought this to the office manager’s attention but she said to just ignore them as she knew of the books existence because the other staff had had a meeting with her about my under-performance. They also put me through a disciplinary process - they said that I had been looking up a disabled colleagues also disabled sisters details on our databases. From the placing and the angle of the console it was impossible for them to see. And I had NOT even done anything
That is disgusting and enraging! If they can do it so perfect why didn't they directly tell you!? I want to smack that manager with the book.
Load More Replies... I had a group of friends in college that we did everything together. After college I drove 13hrs to go to Mardi Gras with them. I went to one of their houses then we all rode in one car to another's apartment that was close by. During it I got left, my phone was dead so I couldn't call them. After hours of looking in the area I asked a cop for directions, I know the address I just didn't know where I was. I found his apartment complex but I needed a code to get in. Luckily I found a bar still open and the bartender had a charger. So after I get enough charge I call them and they not only left me in a city I didn't live in, they left the apartment without me. So I didn't even have a ride back to my car. I deleted their numbers on my Uber back to my car. Haven't heard from them since
I had a bunch of friends before I moved across the country. Most of my old friends didn't contact me, and when I went back to my old town to visit, only three of them made any effort to meet me. I cut off the rest of my friends, but it really hurt
People are flaky and disappointing but reading a lot of these I felt like I was only getting half a story. There is usually two sides to every story and I'm sure a lot of these people (not all) will have been dropped for good reasons. People are often very unaware or just in denial about their own behaviour.
I wish I was lying but every word of mine is true. And, trust me, it got worse.
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It always helps to stop and think, if your current friends care, if anything like this has happened before, you can learn from those experiences.
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First day of the third year in high school. Encouraged to go sit by A. Sat down next to her but she asked me to move because she didn’t like me. I refused and we became friends. She used me so much though and I didn’t realise because I was grateful that she was friends with me. Nice to learn since leaving school she’s been convicted of fraud at least twice and concealing the burial of a still born child.
Now, I'm not in favor of making people feel like trash. HOWEVER, this all obviously sounds so awful, and the first instinct is to feel bad for all the authors of these stories, but tbh, sometimes those people really are the assholes, or the toxic person of the group, or something else that makes people stay away from them. Again, there's no need to be rude and in my case I prefer to be upfront and let them know what I'm not liking about them, or why I'll stop talking to them, etc. but some other people don't know how to deal with this, hence the "maybe if we just ignore them, they'll go away". All I'm saying is that many of these stories could very well be written by people with negative treats that are just unaware of them, or not willing to accept them, so of course they're not wrong, but the other dozen of people that unanimously decided to stop talking to them are... I'd need to hear the other people's version before feeling bad about anyone
How very very sad :-( I have always found that 'groups' tend to side-line me. I do not know why -- but it does hurt. Luckily I do have a few very good friends.
I had a best friend for over 20 years (12 yrs old - early 30's). I lived about 45 mins from her after college and she only once came to visit me. For 10 years I had to go to her if I wanted to hang out (neither of us had kids or spouses). Then she met a guy who lived in my city. And every Friday night for 2 years she came up here to watch him bowl w his friends (she didn't bowl, just watched him) without telling me. When I found out and confronted her, she said didn't tell me bc she knew I'd want to come along sometimes to hang out and she didn't want me to meet any of his friends, in case there was a chance of me and one of them getting involved (I was single for most of those 2 years). And she didn't want me dating one of her bf's friends, bc then she wouldn't be the only girlfriend at the bowling alley every week.
I had something similar happen recently. Moved all the way from California to be with and help out a friend in New York. Jumped through all of her hoops and did everything she asked only for her and her kid to bad mouth me and my child when she thought I wasn't listening. After almost a year of the abuse and bulling I finally had enough and we got into before I moved out.
My best friend of 20 years was often too busy to hang out with me when I need a friend and break away from taking care of my terminally ill father. She knew my biggest fear was losing him. At Christmas she dropped off a card for me but left her car running (on her way to a party). She was part of my family. In a lot of photos with my family. I'd been her soundboard and shoulder to cry when she had horrible break ups and lost her dog. I was at my breaking point and just needed to know she was there for me. She didn't have the time. Too busy. I didn't hear from her for months. Until she showed up at my father's funeral. I admit, I was overcome with emotion and hugged her while I sobbed. But then the anger came raging through. How dare she show up now. I wrote a letter to her to express how heartbroken and alone I felt. Her response? She didn't want to be around someone going through that because it reminded her one day her parents would die, yet she was there for a girl who lost her mom.
Yeah... had a 'best' friend' for well over a decade... supported her through... I don't know... EVERYTHING... one of her parents got dangerously angry about her 'coming out'... and I remember hauling ass to help her move before we both thought we were going to get killed... Let her keep all her stuff for her wedding at my place... just.. years of backing her up... Then... she decided to take some courses, get a degree... and suddenly she had 'new friends' - all of a sudden, she 'didn't remember' ANY of the times we'd gone to one of our regular eating hangouts... and humiliating me in front of her 'new friends' was this massive laugh riot... - and me telling her I was hurt? She went full, complete DARVO. Realized she'd only been choosing to talk to me recently whenever things were crappy with her spouse. But now it was all good... so whatever, she discarded me. 1 year later she contacts me... and is puzzled and offended as to why I was disinterested in talking to her...
Highschool. Was hanging out occasionally with a group of friends. We got close with one of the guys (I'm female) and were chatting a lot. At some point I called him to see how he is doing etc. He answered like he didn't know the number. Awkward to say the least. When I asked him about it he said "I only keep numbers of people who are worth my time" I hung up to hide my tears...
Over a period of 18 months (almost exactly every 6 months) first my father died, then my mother... and finally my husband (and father of our 2 sons, 9 and 3 at that time) left me for his girlfriend. As a couple, we had quite a large group of friends... or so I thought. Turns out they were all HIS friends, because they didn't get in touch with me, after he moved out. I was alone with my sons and had little money, because I could no longer work full time. Before all that, my mother had taken care of my children while I was working. My sons were traumatized by all the tragedies of the last 18 months. It was probably too exhausting to be friends with me, as I was pretty depressed most of the time.
It even happens to us old guys...I called him and left a message for his 50th birthday. Then called another friend to see if they wanted to get together tomorrow (Friday) or Saturday. I could tell he was distracted and asked where he was and want was he doing...he was at the 50th birthday party of our friend of 30+ years. I was intentionally not invited.
And that’s why I don’t have friends. My so-called friends only remember me when they need something. Even my own family only looks at me like a walking bank. I had “best friends” in high school and college but now I realized we were only friends bc they needed my help with schoolwork. Best part was when they asked for donations for our 10th anniversary reunion. Gave them some money and they conveniently forgot to tell me where and when the party will be.
104 of anything is way too much for a BP article but especially smth that has really long stories throughout
Yeah, but if you've gone through something similar, it helps you realize you aren't alone.
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I thought I was in a good group of girls. I mean sometimes they "joked" about me and I would go along with it. But then I was young and dumb. I asked them to set me up with someone for a blind date. They came back with "Oh we found the PERFECT guy for you!" I found out through a mutual friend that they were going to set me up with a severely disturbed individual. Known to go off the rails quite a bit. They told him I was really interested in him and all that jazz. So much for that!
The majority of people complaining on this one seem to very young and haven't yet learned the complexities of adult friendship. Most of the time the kids you grew up with are not going to be your adult friends, they were school friends. I have 2 solid friends, and both of those I met in my late teens, just before adulthood. You grow, you change most times you out grow your friend circles, sometimes more than once or twice.
I have two friends who I know I cannot ever rely on to do anything but take. I have learned to accept that this is them, and drew a boundary line. We keep in contact, but at a distance.
I had a college roommate who I tried hard to befriend. We seemed to bond a little. Hung out a lot. Later he tells me all he wants are friends because he doesn’t have any. He finds these friends and I don’t know why but I went with thin to meet some of them at a restaurant. I think I needed a ride and he was my only option. I started getting intense stomach pain. Like I needed to go to the er bad. I tell him this. He tells me to wait in the car because he’s having fun. Biggest jerk I ever met.
Happened to my husband with his siblings. They cut us off all invitations without telling us why. Ten years later they say we always complained about Christmas gifts. Well, we did. We didn't find it fair to buy other people's children gifts when we didn't buy some for our own. We wanted them to stop buying us gifts and do their own gift sharing privately. The kept repeating it was for the children, but my children didn't celebrate Christmas so who was it for, really? After that explanation, we went to 2-3 invites. We haven't seen them in almost 10 years. Why bother?
I had to stop reading the posts. I'm sorry this happened to everyone of them, I really am. I hope you'll find nice people from now on... Big hugs...
The whole post was ripped off from 2019 Reddit posts. So you're wasting your time.
Load More Replies... Wow people are assholes! I just don't understand the point of being this toxic to others. In the past, if I have a problem with someone, I would sit down with them and talk it out. Most of the time it was just a misunderstanding on my part. I would apologize and everything would be fine. No hate, no toxicity, and no judgement.
I agree which is why I think there is more to a lot of these tales than the people involved are admitting. There are two sides to every story and we're only getting one side.
Load More Replies... My "bestfriend" since i was 18 (I am now 39) now is a person that i used to know. Thru the years whenever we went out , i mostly paid for our drinks, gave him money to have a good times in the casinos, etc without asking for it back, Whenever he needed money i was the first one to give him even if it was only $20 for gas. Was there when he and his kids mother went to war, seen her throw forks at him, and ridicule him. I always was the voice of reasoning and a counselor and more importantly a brother to him and his younger brothers. He never had a place to stay, always renting rooms all over town, never had a steady life (to each its own). So he would always come over to my apartment to drink and smoke just to keep his mind off of things. I recently lost my apartment due to a financial struggle. The day i was moving out, i asked him if he can help me move. He texted me back that he will be there later on in the afternoon and that was the last text i ever got from him.
Till this day i have no idea why...I lost a lot of friends and at the worst time of my life i lost what i thought was my family. I have really no friends and i feel like i was a positive person for the most part with anyone that i encountered. I'm going thru depression and i have no one to talk to or to confide in. It hurts me every day as i think about it. Good thing i have my 2 kittens that keep me going due to i have to provide the best life i can for them..
Load More Replies... The band I was in back in the early 1980’s. We had practice at the home of one member then decided to go to a bar 25 miles away. We take two cars and the other three guys hop in one car and I drive in my car by myself. Band mates. Not friends. Got it.
I had a small group of friends and when I got sick they all seemed pretty good and understanding. Well, my illness became chronic and I found out it would be long term. Fast forward and I'm near the end of my life. I have not heard from any of them in over 5 years. The last one that ever spoke to me ( in fewer words) said : My condition is just too much to handle for her and that she didn't know that this is what she would be getting into when she became friends with me. I mean if it was a 1-2 year friendship w/e but all of those "friends" we grew up together..30+ years of our lives together. How do people do that? If they tried to contact me to apologize or dare show any feelings when I'm dead...screw them.
Finally a good reason to be a friendless loser, none of this s**t can happen if I'm already alone
This is why I don’t go out unless I really, really need to.
Load More Replies... People can be so cruel. I never understood how anyone could just consciously leave people out like that. I don’t think people realize the lasting damage they can do to other people. I’m so sorry these things happened.
Work environment. Was needed to cover the office in another town. Thought we all got on very well. Then came across an exercise book in which all the other office staff had written down things they said I was doing wrong, pasting copies of typing errors I’d made, times when they believed I was undertaking jobs that were not from that office/doing my own things, times when they said I’d answered the phone in the “wrong” way, etc. The book had been started as soon as I got there and after about 6 months it was over halfway full. I brought this to the office manager’s attention but she said to just ignore them as she knew of the books existence because the other staff had had a meeting with her about my under-performance. They also put me through a disciplinary process - they said that I had been looking up a disabled colleagues also disabled sisters details on our databases. From the placing and the angle of the console it was impossible for them to see. And I had NOT even done anything
That is disgusting and enraging! If they can do it so perfect why didn't they directly tell you!? I want to smack that manager with the book.
Load More Replies... I had a group of friends in college that we did everything together. After college I drove 13hrs to go to Mardi Gras with them. I went to one of their houses then we all rode in one car to another's apartment that was close by. During it I got left, my phone was dead so I couldn't call them. After hours of looking in the area I asked a cop for directions, I know the address I just didn't know where I was. I found his apartment complex but I needed a code to get in. Luckily I found a bar still open and the bartender had a charger. So after I get enough charge I call them and they not only left me in a city I didn't live in, they left the apartment without me. So I didn't even have a ride back to my car. I deleted their numbers on my Uber back to my car. Haven't heard from them since
I had a bunch of friends before I moved across the country. Most of my old friends didn't contact me, and when I went back to my old town to visit, only three of them made any effort to meet me. I cut off the rest of my friends, but it really hurt
People are flaky and disappointing but reading a lot of these I felt like I was only getting half a story. There is usually two sides to every story and I'm sure a lot of these people (not all) will have been dropped for good reasons. People are often very unaware or just in denial about their own behaviour.
I wish I was lying but every word of mine is true. And, trust me, it got worse.
Load More Replies... It always helps to stop and think, if your current friends care, if anything like this has happened before, you can learn from those experiences.
Load More Replies... First day of the third year in high school. Encouraged to go sit by A. Sat down next to her but she asked me to move because she didn’t like me. I refused and we became friends. She used me so much though and I didn’t realise because I was grateful that she was friends with me. Nice to learn since leaving school she’s been convicted of fraud at least twice and concealing the burial of a still born child.
Now, I'm not in favor of making people feel like trash. HOWEVER, this all obviously sounds so awful, and the first instinct is to feel bad for all the authors of these stories, but tbh, sometimes those people really are the assholes, or the toxic person of the group, or something else that makes people stay away from them. Again, there's no need to be rude and in my case I prefer to be upfront and let them know what I'm not liking about them, or why I'll stop talking to them, etc. but some other people don't know how to deal with this, hence the "maybe if we just ignore them, they'll go away". All I'm saying is that many of these stories could very well be written by people with negative treats that are just unaware of them, or not willing to accept them, so of course they're not wrong, but the other dozen of people that unanimously decided to stop talking to them are... I'd need to hear the other people's version before feeling bad about anyone
How very very sad :-( I have always found that 'groups' tend to side-line me. I do not know why -- but it does hurt. Luckily I do have a few very good friends.
I had a best friend for over 20 years (12 yrs old - early 30's). I lived about 45 mins from her after college and she only once came to visit me. For 10 years I had to go to her if I wanted to hang out (neither of us had kids or spouses). Then she met a guy who lived in my city. And every Friday night for 2 years she came up here to watch him bowl w his friends (she didn't bowl, just watched him) without telling me. When I found out and confronted her, she said didn't tell me bc she knew I'd want to come along sometimes to hang out and she didn't want me to meet any of his friends, in case there was a chance of me and one of them getting involved (I was single for most of those 2 years). And she didn't want me dating one of her bf's friends, bc then she wouldn't be the only girlfriend at the bowling alley every week.
I had something similar happen recently. Moved all the way from California to be with and help out a friend in New York. Jumped through all of her hoops and did everything she asked only for her and her kid to bad mouth me and my child when she thought I wasn't listening. After almost a year of the abuse and bulling I finally had enough and we got into before I moved out.
My best friend of 20 years was often too busy to hang out with me when I need a friend and break away from taking care of my terminally ill father. She knew my biggest fear was losing him. At Christmas she dropped off a card for me but left her car running (on her way to a party). She was part of my family. In a lot of photos with my family. I'd been her soundboard and shoulder to cry when she had horrible break ups and lost her dog. I was at my breaking point and just needed to know she was there for me. She didn't have the time. Too busy. I didn't hear from her for months. Until she showed up at my father's funeral. I admit, I was overcome with emotion and hugged her while I sobbed. But then the anger came raging through. How dare she show up now. I wrote a letter to her to express how heartbroken and alone I felt. Her response? She didn't want to be around someone going through that because it reminded her one day her parents would die, yet she was there for a girl who lost her mom.
Yeah... had a 'best' friend' for well over a decade... supported her through... I don't know... EVERYTHING... one of her parents got dangerously angry about her 'coming out'... and I remember hauling ass to help her move before we both thought we were going to get killed... Let her keep all her stuff for her wedding at my place... just.. years of backing her up... Then... she decided to take some courses, get a degree... and suddenly she had 'new friends' - all of a sudden, she 'didn't remember' ANY of the times we'd gone to one of our regular eating hangouts... and humiliating me in front of her 'new friends' was this massive laugh riot... - and me telling her I was hurt? She went full, complete DARVO. Realized she'd only been choosing to talk to me recently whenever things were crappy with her spouse. But now it was all good... so whatever, she discarded me. 1 year later she contacts me... and is puzzled and offended as to why I was disinterested in talking to her...
Highschool. Was hanging out occasionally with a group of friends. We got close with one of the guys (I'm female) and were chatting a lot. At some point I called him to see how he is doing etc. He answered like he didn't know the number. Awkward to say the least. When I asked him about it he said "I only keep numbers of people who are worth my time" I hung up to hide my tears...
Over a period of 18 months (almost exactly every 6 months) first my father died, then my mother... and finally my husband (and father of our 2 sons, 9 and 3 at that time) left me for his girlfriend. As a couple, we had quite a large group of friends... or so I thought. Turns out they were all HIS friends, because they didn't get in touch with me, after he moved out. I was alone with my sons and had little money, because I could no longer work full time. Before all that, my mother had taken care of my children while I was working. My sons were traumatized by all the tragedies of the last 18 months. It was probably too exhausting to be friends with me, as I was pretty depressed most of the time.
It even happens to us old guys...I called him and left a message for his 50th birthday. Then called another friend to see if they wanted to get together tomorrow (Friday) or Saturday. I could tell he was distracted and asked where he was and want was he doing...he was at the 50th birthday party of our friend of 30+ years. I was intentionally not invited.
And that’s why I don’t have friends. My so-called friends only remember me when they need something. Even my own family only looks at me like a walking bank. I had “best friends” in high school and college but now I realized we were only friends bc they needed my help with schoolwork. Best part was when they asked for donations for our 10th anniversary reunion. Gave them some money and they conveniently forgot to tell me where and when the party will be.
104 of anything is way too much for a BP article but especially smth that has really long stories throughout
Yeah, but if you've gone through something similar, it helps you realize you aren't alone.
Load More Replies... I thought I was in a good group of girls. I mean sometimes they "joked" about me and I would go along with it. But then I was young and dumb. I asked them to set me up with someone for a blind date. They came back with "Oh we found the PERFECT guy for you!" I found out through a mutual friend that they were going to set me up with a severely disturbed individual. Known to go off the rails quite a bit. They told him I was really interested in him and all that jazz. So much for that!
The majority of people complaining on this one seem to very young and haven't yet learned the complexities of adult friendship. Most of the time the kids you grew up with are not going to be your adult friends, they were school friends. I have 2 solid friends, and both of those I met in my late teens, just before adulthood. You grow, you change most times you out grow your friend circles, sometimes more than once or twice.
I have two friends who I know I cannot ever rely on to do anything but take. I have learned to accept that this is them, and drew a boundary line. We keep in contact, but at a distance.
I had a college roommate who I tried hard to befriend. We seemed to bond a little. Hung out a lot. Later he tells me all he wants are friends because he doesn’t have any. He finds these friends and I don’t know why but I went with thin to meet some of them at a restaurant. I think I needed a ride and he was my only option. I started getting intense stomach pain. Like I needed to go to the er bad. I tell him this. He tells me to wait in the car because he’s having fun. Biggest jerk I ever met.
Happened to my husband with his siblings. They cut us off all invitations without telling us why. Ten years later they say we always complained about Christmas gifts. Well, we did. We didn't find it fair to buy other people's children gifts when we didn't buy some for our own. We wanted them to stop buying us gifts and do their own gift sharing privately. The kept repeating it was for the children, but my children didn't celebrate Christmas so who was it for, really? After that explanation, we went to 2-3 invites. We haven't seen them in almost 10 years. Why bother?
