“Invisible Lat Syndrome”: 35 Red Flags That Men See In Other Men, As Shared In This Thread
Being kind, treating others with dignity, and respecting others’ boundaries—this sounds like common sense to many people. It’s how any civil and self-confident individual ought to behave. Unfortunately, common sense is in short supply at times… as is basic politeness.
One internet user asked the men of the r/AskReddit online community to open up and share the obvious red flags that they’ve noticed in other men. The question started an in-depth discussion about toxic masculinity, and we’ve collected some of the most egregious examples of it. Scroll down for a crash course on how to never treat other human beings.
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Being a modern day Republican in the US. If he votes in favor of diminishing human rights, how do you think your relationship will go? Does he truly respect women if he is Ok with the removal of bodily autonomy? Will he respect your future kids if they are homosexual or transgender? I get that people change, but I would never set a girlfriend of mine up with someone I know to be republican.
I really dislike men who start lusting and talking about a woman's a*s, breasts, etc. to me, trying to get me to agree. (And they'd assume that I would, since I'm a guy as well.)
Some people just can't keep those thoughts to themselves.
Edit: I really appreciate how I am not alone on this. Sometimes it feels like I am, since those perverts are often the loudest.
this one is top for me. in one of my workplaces it's extremely bad and most guys there act like animals. it's like they get paid to flirt and be perverted. I do my best to be respectful and lead by example, but often I find myself straight up telling them off because it's just too much. It's especially bad when they try to get me to assist and be their wingman. Like, dude, I'm a father of a 16yo daughter, I'm the opposite of your wingman. I will eat you alive, kid. F**k right off with that s**t.
The redditors revealed some of the most hurtful aspects of toxic masculinity they spied in other men, whether they were their friends or casual acquaintances. It’s the kind of behavior that is very obviously a red flag and would make practically anyone think hard about whether that’s the kind of company they’d like to keep.
Some of the most awful examples included guys who would constantly criticize their family, men who’d make fun of others (but couldn’t stand being the butt of jokes), uncontrollable flirts, and anyone not in control of their temper. Other red flags that caught people’s attention included guys who would never apologize, were arrogant, and trampled over other folks’ privacy and boundaries.
"Women don't like good guys like me"
Good guys don't have to self assure themselves that they are good guys.
Random guys I meet through work showing me nudes a girl has sent them.
Like seriously, those aren’t meant to be shared.
Men who can joke about others but can’t take it.
(Can be applied to women too)
Especially when the jokes they make are just plain mean. My uncle is a prime example. He will mock anyone and everyone over just about anything, but don't you dare make even the slightest joke about him
At its core, toxic masculinity is the dark side of manliness and negatively impacts other people. According to WebMD, guys who embrace toxic masculinity are often homophobic, sexually aggressive toward women, violent, and promiscuous.
Moreover, proponents of toxic masculinity have a deep need for control and ‘dominate’ everyone around them, including their romantic partners. A 2017 report ‘The Man Box’ found that 46% of men ‘deserved’ to know where their partners were at all times.
If you hear a little voice inside you that says "I can change this man", he is not the man for you.
Bartender here...
- They don't respond well to the word "no"
- They argue for no other reason than to maintain their ego
- They use staring as a flirting technique
- They talk over you in conversation
- They get wildly uncomfortable when their partner is casually talking to somebody else in a public place
- They order Fireball, Hennessy, Patron, or a Long Island
- "What's the strongest you got bro?"
- Flashing money
Toxic men also often refuse to help out with the housework because they think it’s unmanly. Instead, they view household chores as something that only women ought to do. Around a fifth of American men believe they shouldn’t have to help out at home at all, according to ‘The Man Box’ report. The same report noted that just over a fifth of men thought that they should “use violence to get respect.”
Some guys also frown upon men who show their emotions because they consider that to be a sign of weakness. However, this is a very dangerous perspective because it makes men less likely to ask for help if they’re struggling with mental or physical health issues.
Meanwhile, a man who is perfectly comfortable in his own skin and an example of healthy masculinity is someone who embraces his emotions, isn’t afraid of his own feminine aspects, and self-reflects on his actions. He’s also respectful of other people’s boundaries and doesn’t mind other people challenging his opinions.
Thinking their entitled to a GF just because they’re a male
Thinking they are entitled to GF who looks like supermodel, just because they're male.
I look at how a man treats 'unattractive' women and other men, especially in places like restaurants.
It's all well and good if he's polite and nice towards a waitress who's attractive but try pay closer attention to how he treats those he doesn't see in that same way and see if you can spot a stark difference!
Thank goodness this is something at least one other guy notices and is not cool with. I admit I get more than a little annoyed at 'friends' who have watched and shrugged off when I (or another 'plain' person... or person they can't 'gain' from) are mistreated to inhuman levels ... it's like they're agreeing "If you're not attractive, why does it matter if they're rude to you?" - I've given them the "What the actual heck? Thanks for having my back, buddy... let me give the knife back to you." and they just "huh? What... I didn't see anything".
Believe me, I'm a nice guy.
Actions speak louder than words. Some sayings stick around for a reason.
Talking about how many women they've shagged without being asked.
Describing a woman like a piece of meat rather than just saying "she's nice/hot" i.e "look at the tits on that" or "love to tap that a*s"
Always wanting to get shitfaced when out rather than just have a few drinks.
Getting into fights.
Constantly s**t talking their wife or girlfriend. Always saying how horrible they are and such a b***h. Then I finally meet them at a get together or something and they are always nice. The guy will act completely different around her also, “yes dear” type of s**t. Then back at work the next day s**t talking her. Grow the f**k up
The ole' ball n' chain c**p. Dude, if it's that bad then get a divorce and shut up. Or just shut up.
Going out with younger women with a large age gap. It suggests to me that they like control and manipulation and compliance.
Can't agree with this. I know a couple of couples where the man is 15 - 20 years older and they are probably the happiest couples I know.
Routinely acting like a pouty manbaby.
We all have bad days, but I’d steer clear of the guys who very frequently have sour tempers and are very quick to anger. That’s the type of guy who will hit you, punch holes in the wall, drink and drive after every fight, etc
Never apologizing
Always blames someone/something else. Yup, we all know someone like that!
I had a friend who I confronted for cheating on his wife. He said it's a part of his culture and his people do it all the time. He's no longer my friend.
Calling women "bitches", and not in the sense of "she's being a b***h" but in the general sense as if "b***h" is a synonym for "woman".
Suddenly flying off the handle at a minor inconvenience. It's one thing to stub your toe at the end of a bad day and give the table a whack. It's another if every moment of stress or misfortune triggers rage.
Using phrases like "do you know who I am?"
Constantly talking about themselves and how desirable they are (to women, recruiters, hiring managers, etc)
*Only* being nice to certain groups of people (women, leaders, minorities, white people, etc)
Quotes Joe Rogan/ Andrew Tate etc. regulary.
Quotes andy at ALL! I don't know Rogan, but whoever quotes Tate should only have the sense to do so disparagingly!
Trying to flirt with friend's girlfriend.
Or text their ex gf when they break up. I simply texted a list to my last ex, like dudes u may not wanna trust. I did my part, he could believe me or not 🤷♀️
Proclaiming they are an alpha male and treat women like objects instead of people.
If you have to proclaim you are an 'Alpha male', you aren't.
Any man who talks about things like "the natural order" or "the natural hierarchy" is probably an a*****e. Nature is an unruly bush, not a "hierarchy". People who speak of "the natural order" are usually promoting something much darker than that, and they use the concept of "the natural order" as their excuse.
usually "natural order" is about men being "much better" than women or men having control over women.
When they blame all their problems on women.
Trying to break your hand with the handshake when they meet you.
I prefer a firm handshake, but when they're squeezing so hard you can feel your bones and tendons move and your hand hurts afterward, that's just ridiculous. It's just machismo b******t to exert dominance by way of physical pain.
Last guy that did it to me (it was at work) I just straight called him out right there. "Oh, so youre one of those hard handshake guys? Why do you do that?" As I shake the pain out of my hand. Was a very awkward professional relationship afterward but he never f****d with me.
When you handshake and he forcefully twists his hand on top and yours on bottom.
I instantly don't trust him
Trying to prove he's an 'Alpha Male'. Same here, instant red flag.
Throwing their friends under the bus when women are around. Really struggled to deal with guys I thought were my friends doing this when I was younger. It’s like a switch goes off in them when attractive women are around and all bets are off.
Also not making an effort to be friends or even just nice be to people that don’t have anything to offer them. There are plenty of guys at my job that only talk to guys their age or attractive women, like if they can’t hangout or date them they’re not worth interacting with.
The three F’s will earn an F from me if all they talk about is fighting, fornicating, and frustrations.
I want nothing from their friendships.
Have a life, you’re a lot more interesting if you do things. Because if you do things, you have things to talk about, to relate with, and experiences to share.
Again… have a life, be able to tell a story.
Just being an a*****e at the gym. How bout you don’t stand 4 inches away from me talking with your friends?
Clenched jaw and crossed arms. If you're showing me intimidation signals I'm going to ignore you until you go away.
Tried to find a less common one.
For people looking for a long term partner:
Beware when someone complains about everything and is seemingly the victim in every situation.
This is the type of person that will very quickly blame you if anything goes wrong, and is likely s******g on you to other people already. Secondly, it means you will be perpetually drained by the negativity over the long haul.
Refer to the previous post on being able to "change him". Women will often feel bad for such men, "the poor one just needs a good woman like me, then he'll be fine"...
Talking negatively about their spouse and kids.
Guys with loud exhaust and rev their car for now reason. GTFO with that lol
Every time I hear someone doing that, I hope they chuck a rod out the side of their block.
"I'm sorry you took that the wrong way."
Generally true for both men and women, but how you treat people, especially those that can offer you nothing.
If you’re rude to people for no justified reason, that’s not someone I want to be friends with.
Trash talking behind someone's back.
talk trash next to someone. i love discussing waste management /j
Huge jacked up truck with a bootlicker flag on the back
It's funny how the "rugged individualists" with their Gadsen flags, who won't do what anyone tells them to, are always the ones to grovel at the feet of authority and authoritarians alike.
Misogyny
I had a teacher at school that was called Miss Andree... She was really nice.
1. Mansplaining: when you tell them what you do or have studied or are interested in or country you live in and they start explaining things about them to you.
2. When they don't have friends.
3. When they don't have female friends.
Oh yeah... the mansplaining... I used to talk to this one guy.... until I realized that no matter HOW many times I'd told him things like: "Yeah, that was my major... I know the basics of how that works." or.... "I'm the one who told you about that in the first place..." or any number of things that would definitely indicate that I do not live under a rock (seriously... dude, yes... I DID hear about that huge news story that was in all the headlines for months on end ...) - it's like the moment I'm not actively talking to them... the brain RESETS to "They know nothing. I will be magnanimous and explain it all in little words, like the generous man I am".
Fragile masculinity. A “Men don’t cry” type of person. I could go on. Even type an paragraph on this but I won’t
I bawled my eyes out in an internet cafe full of people when news of Eddie Guerrero's death broke. After that, I was sobbing uncontrollably in front of friends when news of Hana Kimura's death broke in 2020. Never had any regrets, won't ever have any. Hell, even if they don't know me but are near and dear to me, don't be surprised seeing a waterfall develop from my eyes.
Pushing small boundaries that aren’t a 'big deal.' Then, once called out on it, backpedaling, apologizing for it, and then DOING IT AGAIN.
Talking bad about their significant other and kids. Thin blue line apparel of any type. Using the word “females”.
Someone once called the thin blue line flag the cowards' swastika, and it just made so much sense.
Any form of bullying behavior. It's not good for friendships, and God have mercy on the women that decide to date these pieces of s**t.
When they blame women for their shortcomings, screams insecure fragile man ego. Aka caring what women do with their lives, how they dress, their sex lives etc.
Openly hates homeless people. A former colleague was a real POS and this was the one thing that settled it when others made excuses for his behaviour.
Grown men acting as if fistfights are still acceptable.
If you've failed so hard at life that you have nothing to lose (injuries, job loss, jail time, etc) then the rest of the world should be avoiding you like the plague.
Excessive bragging, one-upping, or putting down other men. A confident, successful man will always build other men up, not break them down.
Littering.
That goes for anyone: Man, Woman, Teens, older children. I'll excuse toddlers and babies since they probably haven't been taught. Toddlers who have been taught not to litter are little cops to those who litter.
Invisible lat syndrome.
Had to look this one up! Invisible lat syndrome (ILS), also referred to as imaginary lat syndrome, is the idea that your pump was so big, and that your lats are so wide, that you can't return your arms to your side like normal. This typically happens after a someone lifts massive weights and has that inflated feeling in their muscles.
Anyone who brings up the "lions not lamb" narrative
There was a guy wearing a "lions not sheep" shirt at a concert. I went up to him and said, 'man you must be the only one with this shirt, right?' He didn't get the joke
The " I'm not racist, I've had/would have sex with *insert minority slur* " guy
Never accept physical affection from their guy friends when it isn’t a gay joke.
Talking about his previous sexual experiences.
From what I understand, this works both ways. But still not acceptable in my book
A bit subtler but it's an inability to talk about their positions in any depth. Like a lot of guys know that their opinions turn off women, but instead of changing them or asking why, they just spout off some rehearsed line. If he can't explain why he's pro-choice in any meaningful depth? Likely a red flag.
Ummm? Did OP make a typo? Why on earth would you want an explanation from someone who's *pro-choice*? Edit: to be clear I'm very much pro choice, as I think every decent human being should be... just confused about the wording.
My old manager loved to ask guys what their body count was. He was like 30
Mullet
LOL. Yeah, not all men. One of my brothers didn't get rid of his for a long time. Even my SIL got tired of it! He's a wonderful brother, a very good son, loving husband, and doting father and grandfather. But he's also 61, so....maybe this doesn't apply to him!
Piggybacking off another comment, but when a guy friend starts to describe a woman based on her body (like breasts, butt, etc.) And you check them on it, and they continue anyway while expecting some kind of acknowledgement from you.
Inability to even playfully be mocked. In a weird twist of fate, some of the most serious people out there are the easiest to laugh at. How they don't realize the levity involved in talking s**t is incredible.
These types are often first to swing, too, which is a disgusting attribute IMO.
My friends and I are constantly lightheartedly teasing each other. If it gets too intense, we communicate. Otherwise, I'll make fun of them and they'll make fun of me and it's all chill. A lot of it is just us pretending to be Andrew Tate stans or stereotypical far rightists/stereitypical gay people and imo its actually hilarious
I wouldn't necessarily consider this a red flag, but women should be cautious around men who receive a lot of attention from women. The more attention someone gets the more likely they are to be narcissistic.
Though one that's a clear red flag is if he's just never single
A guy in a long-term committed relationship is "never single", but that's no red flag.
How a man talks to his SO in public. If he'll ridicule them in public and see no problem with it/boast...I want nothing to do with him.
Raises their voice whenever they think they are losing an argument.
Has to drink all the time.
Ask too many questions about a woman’s past.
Being unable to laugh at jokes about themselves, especially about being gay. That just screams insecurity, if he tries to prove to everyone that he is in fact not gay, thats either gay as f**k or he has the confidence of a jellyfish. No adult man should be seriously offended if its clear that its a joke.
Do you realise that even using "gay as f**k" in that context is already being disparaging and insulting? As is the idea that you'd 'joke' about someone being gay in such a way as to challenge them. No Adult Man should really give a toss is anyone is or is not gay, least of all be upset by the idea that someone is 'accusing' them of it.
Treating people like their leaders in any context.
I don't usually smack people for their spelling, but I think the poster meant "they're" not "their". It changes the meaning entirely.
any man that is performing masculinity, guys that say you can't wear/do/say/be this b/c it's not 'manly'. shows a lack of knowledge of what a man can be and is a big flag for insecure thought.
Neediness. It’s truly ugly in a man
a big one for me that I see a lot of now that my kids are teenagers and involved in a lot of sports: that one dad who takes sports too seriously. when your kid comes off the baseball field and instead of going straight to the dugout to be with his coach and team, he walks around the the back of the fence to chat with dad between every inning, it's a problem. When your kid looks at you for feedback after every mistake they make, it's a problem. Not only is it super annoying to the rest of us trying to be healthy parents, but it's a really stupid way to parent. 100% going to backfire on you dude.
My dad tells the story of his coworker who started screaming "We're not out here for the fun of it!"... at the recreational softball game.
Load More Replies... People who were in the military and make sure everyone knows they were in the military
I've been accused of that because of certain speech mannerisms. Speech mannerisms are difficult to change though.
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You can make your own threads on BP. You know that, right?
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Being a misandrist does not in any way help anyone. It's not the way to fight misogyny. We want equal respect then we respect equally
Load More Replies... a big one for me that I see a lot of now that my kids are teenagers and involved in a lot of sports: that one dad who takes sports too seriously. when your kid comes off the baseball field and instead of going straight to the dugout to be with his coach and team, he walks around the the back of the fence to chat with dad between every inning, it's a problem. When your kid looks at you for feedback after every mistake they make, it's a problem. Not only is it super annoying to the rest of us trying to be healthy parents, but it's a really stupid way to parent. 100% going to backfire on you dude.
My dad tells the story of his coworker who started screaming "We're not out here for the fun of it!"... at the recreational softball game.
Load More Replies... People who were in the military and make sure everyone knows they were in the military
I've been accused of that because of certain speech mannerisms. Speech mannerisms are difficult to change though.
Load More Replies... You can make your own threads on BP. You know that, right?
Load More Replies... Being a misandrist does not in any way help anyone. It's not the way to fight misogyny. We want equal respect then we respect equally
Load More Replies...
