Pizza Delivery Girl Recalls 32 Of The Most Memorable Customers She Had Served And You Simply Can’t Make This Stuff Up
Everyone loves the pizza delivery person! I mean, they turn up right there on your doorstep with a steaming circle of cheesy deliciousness, saving you any effort aside from getting up from the couch, all that's left to do is enjoy. What's not to like?
This benevolent bearer of good vibes often gets a unique insight into the everyday lives of ordinary people - we tend to order pizzas when we are relaxed, happy and having a good time. Tumblr user Tybaar realized that her job yielded an absolute goldmine of great stories, and decided to share them with the internet. We are so glad she did!
From stoned teens to lesbians tipping with giant sacks of pistachios, you just never know what kind of hungry soul is going to answer that door. Scroll down to check out this pizza delivery woman's weird and wonderful experiences for yourself, and let us know what you think in the comments!
Image credits: rick (not the actual photo)
Image credits: tybaar This post may include affiliate links.
"A hotel room full of badass middle-aged women all dressed as Professor McGonagall from the Harry Potter films, who were also completely wasted on Jello shots. They kept encouraging me to stay and party with them."
"An adorable older lesbian couple who were mortified that they didn’t have any extra money for a tip, so they gave me a big sack of pistachios instead. It took me three weeks to finish the bag."
"An incredibly stoned teenager trying and failing to look sober. When I complimented his Adventure Time wallet (which was super cute) and asked where he got it, he immediately looked terrified, sat down on the floor and muttered: “I… I don’t know….”
"A group of EMT’s hanging out in the back of an ambulance at a recently extinguished (but still smoldering) house fire."
"At least three Batmans so far, but only one who did the voice."
"A furious lady who yelled at me for a solid five minutes (I kept track) all about how long it took for her delivery to get to her. She then tipped me an extra ten bucks on a six dollar order. I dunno."
"Multiple prank deliveries (joke’s on you motherf***er, I get paid for the gas AND I eat the pizzas you ordered.)"
"A group of 20-something guys who challenged me to sing the original Pokemon theme song, which I did. And perfectly, I may add."
"An elderly Spanish woman who meekly presented me with a (rather classy) pearl-handled .32 snub-nosed revolver and asked if I knew how to load it (I do) and also, if I could load it for her (I didn’t)."
"An on-duty cop who flagged me down by intercepting me on the road before I got to the police station and pulling me over to get his pizza."
"A man with a thick Alabama accent who admonished me for standing in front of his mailbox while I waited for him to answer the door. He then explained how this was a federal offense because I was “obstructing the mail system” and demanded my social security number so he could “report me to the proper authorities."
"A guy who slipped a twenty directly into my shirt because I apparently was the “spitting image” of his deceased daughter."
"A surly Korean mom with an amazing shoulder tattoo of a baby giving birth to a full-grown woman."
"A woman who slipped me a business card (in lieu of tip) for a laser tattoo removal clinic, explaining “In case you want to bring your mutilated skin back to how God intended it to be.”
"A man who lived in one of those mini-mansions inside a gated community, who sported a seemingly massive collection of what appeared to be solid glass spheres of varying size and color. I only got a quick glance in his house but there had to be hundreds of them in display racks, tables, shelves - everywhere."
"A 20-something dude who answered the door with an unsheathed katana dangling through a belt loop on his jeans."
"A very drunk dude who gave me his iPhone and had me take a bunch of Myspace-esque pictures of the both of us. He did the duck lips thing in every shot."
"A chick at a house party who answered the door and immediately turned to vomit into her mailbox."
"A woman who admonished me for driving a Mazda, and wrote “get a real car” in the tip portion of my credit receipt."
"A kid no older than 14 who desperately tried to convince me to play WoW on the free custom server he was playing on. (But it has double XP!)"
"A group of young teenage girls (like 14-16) who begged me to buy a case of Bud Light (ew why) and bring it back to them."
"Multiple instances of people asking if I would sell them pot. (Bi**h get your own dealer sheesh)."
"A woman who angrily demanded to see my ID because she refused to believe my claims that I’m female. She proceeded to snatch my driver’s license out of my hand, run back into her house and show it to her children while pointing back at me."
"A bearded man who answered the door and periodically spat blood into a crusted Harley-Davidson coffee mug while counting out his cash."
"A dudebro wearing a bath robe and socks + sandals (indoors) who straight up wordlessly yanked the pizzas out of my hands without paying and shut the door. Multiple knockings were of no avail."
"A drill instructor looking-guy who filled out his entire credit card receipt, specifically wrote “0.00” in the tip portion, then proceeded to write out a check for seventy-eight cents and handed it to me. It said “pizza tip” in the “For” section."
"An elderly man who wrote “F**K OFF” as his signature on a credit receipt."
"A thirty-something guy who begged to get his order for free because he “works so hard”. He visibly teared up and sniffled when I told him I couldn’t do anything."
"A guy who spent the entire time I was there digging a (impressively large) booger out of his nose. He proceeded to smear it on, thankfully, HIS copy of the receipt."
"An elderly guy who deadpan asked me if I knew anyone who could score him hollowpoint bullets."
"A completely iced-out musclebound gangster kid who was blaring Regina Spektor so loud and with so much bass I actually couldn’t hear anything he was saying."
Keep those stories coming! Those are entertaining and really sad all at the same time.
I did pizza delivery ages ago for a janky place that did not pay petrol - only got the delivery price and tips, so if people did not tip, I lost money. Stoners tip really well. Sometimes they tip so well you gently hand them back the tip and suggest they break it. Once saw a dude who was the spitting image of Lurch from the Addams Family. About seven feet tall, hollow cheeks, chalk skin, with an air of melancholic doom. He also tipped well, come to think of it, but I sort of expect the Addams Family would? I had a guy who ordered pizza set his dog on me when I knocked on the door. It was a giant damn dog. He then screamed in rage as I headed off because I threw the pizza at his dog and his dog ruined it.
Adventures Of The Pizza Girl sounds like a good comic book! In fact, this story was the woman that inspired me to write a short horror story about a pizza delivery girl. Like the brilliant writer I am, I ended up procrastinating that project.
It’s the procrastination that proves you’re a true brilliant writer!
Load More Replies...
I have one as well. I only filled in for the delivery person. One evening I left the store in a middle of a snowstorm (we actually closed 5 minutes after I got back). The delivery car was horrible and it was a heck of a job to drive it up the small hill to get to the house for delivery. Would not have been an issue if I could have used my own car but then they would have had to pay me $0.75 for the delivery. I got there and the people told me that they would have gone to pick up the pizza but it was too dangerous to drive and they proceeded to pay me in nickels, dimes and quarters. No tip.
I was once a pizza delivery driver (the worst one ever). I had to deliver to a smarmy strip club once (which happened to be 3 blocks from my house). I should have refused. I actually tried to refuse, but they said I had to go. I had my hair completely up in a hat and the company jacket way to big and most people mistook me for a 16yo boy (but I was a 19yo woman). The guy who paid was surly. And when I turned around to leave, I see that the walls and door are all covered in the same wood panelling. I could not tell where the door was. I wanted to leave so badly, and so of course, leaving was much harder than usually is the case for a room. I'm still pissed about that.
This post reminds me of that Patrick Dempsey movie from the 80s where he’s a pizza delivery guy who unwittingly becomes a gigolo for older women because they order the code of “extra anchovies.” Pizza delivery people should get hazard pay for the fruit cakes they have to deal with.
Ive always, ALWAYS said some one should write I book that is a collection of pizza delivery stories. We've seen some crazy s**t.
Keep those stories coming! Those are entertaining and really sad all at the same time.
I did pizza delivery ages ago for a janky place that did not pay petrol - only got the delivery price and tips, so if people did not tip, I lost money. Stoners tip really well. Sometimes they tip so well you gently hand them back the tip and suggest they break it. Once saw a dude who was the spitting image of Lurch from the Addams Family. About seven feet tall, hollow cheeks, chalk skin, with an air of melancholic doom. He also tipped well, come to think of it, but I sort of expect the Addams Family would? I had a guy who ordered pizza set his dog on me when I knocked on the door. It was a giant damn dog. He then screamed in rage as I headed off because I threw the pizza at his dog and his dog ruined it.
Adventures Of The Pizza Girl sounds like a good comic book! In fact, this story was the woman that inspired me to write a short horror story about a pizza delivery girl. Like the brilliant writer I am, I ended up procrastinating that project.
It’s the procrastination that proves you’re a true brilliant writer!
Load More Replies... I have one as well. I only filled in for the delivery person. One evening I left the store in a middle of a snowstorm (we actually closed 5 minutes after I got back). The delivery car was horrible and it was a heck of a job to drive it up the small hill to get to the house for delivery. Would not have been an issue if I could have used my own car but then they would have had to pay me $0.75 for the delivery. I got there and the people told me that they would have gone to pick up the pizza but it was too dangerous to drive and they proceeded to pay me in nickels, dimes and quarters. No tip.
I was once a pizza delivery driver (the worst one ever). I had to deliver to a smarmy strip club once (which happened to be 3 blocks from my house). I should have refused. I actually tried to refuse, but they said I had to go. I had my hair completely up in a hat and the company jacket way to big and most people mistook me for a 16yo boy (but I was a 19yo woman). The guy who paid was surly. And when I turned around to leave, I see that the walls and door are all covered in the same wood panelling. I could not tell where the door was. I wanted to leave so badly, and so of course, leaving was much harder than usually is the case for a room. I'm still pissed about that.
This post reminds me of that Patrick Dempsey movie from the 80s where he’s a pizza delivery guy who unwittingly becomes a gigolo for older women because they order the code of “extra anchovies.” Pizza delivery people should get hazard pay for the fruit cakes they have to deal with.
Ive always, ALWAYS said some one should write I book that is a collection of pizza delivery stories. We've seen some crazy s**t.
