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Parenthood is often overly romanticized, leading first-time moms to create an ideal in their heads of what kind of parent they should be. However, the reality of having children is far from a fairytale portrayed on social media. Most of the time, it is messy, highly tiring, and not cute at all.

By no means am I trying to say that children are not worth it all. They are. Just that parenting might look a bit different in real life. One mom decided to normalize being a weird human being with needs and created a Facebook page called Mommy's Weird, which shares comical fragments found on the internet of everyday life as a parent. So if you are in need of a break from parenting and looking for some relatable content, scroll down for your daily dose of fun.

Bored Panda reached out to the creator of Mommy's Weird, Kyla Cornish, who was kind enough to answer some of our questions. To learn more, read the full interview below.

More info: Facebook | Instagram | mommysweird.com

#1

Mommys-Weird-Jokes

MommysWeird , mariana057 Report

Igor914624
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed. We put ziplock closures on cat food, but not on the bag in the cereal box. WHY?

Sans Serif
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And, chips/crisps, Doritos, Cheetos, crackers, etc. - it's insane!

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Kelly F
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why are men's socks in resealable bags? Do they need to be kept airtight for freshness?

Gabby M
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh that's actually a good idea. I'm sure cereal companies have thought of it before but don't because preserving cereal means it would last longer, and people might not buy as much cereal.

Oh!
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The off-brand cereals that come in a bag with no box are resealable.

Sue
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I always wondered after the Tylenol debacle why most products changed packaging except bread, sugar & flour (off the top of my head).

Michaelann Dahlman
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The cheap Malt-o-Meal bags of knock-off cereal have these.

KimB
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lmao I've been saying this for years! : D but if it the cereal stays fresh we buy less so you know capitalism....

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    #2

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , santiagomayer_ Report

    Zephyr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hunger games: mediocre bird

    Mrs Irish Mom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This would be the best thing on tv 🤣

    RandomHumanBean
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think they should add an average person to everything so it really shows how amazing the athletes are.

    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also have a section of the official Olympics where the athletes have to do randomly assigned sports. Imagine if we could have seen Usain Bolt playing a round of golf after winning his sprint.

    Benita Valdez
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I saw on Reddit a clip of something like the Average Games in Australia and I definitely could win gold in some of them; it was hilarious

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There should be an Olympic Games for toddlers, that would be entertaining.

    OWEN CASH
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Agreed. Would love to see Danny DeVito selected for the pole vault competition.

    Bathsheba
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It would also teach us a lot more about population health and equality, rather than which country has the most money to pour into a very few hyper-talented people.

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    #3

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , kenzhadley Report

    Take me to dinner first
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do this every day and I wish I could change but I'm just too lazy to care enough

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Doing it: 20 minutes. Doing it later: 0 minutes. See, I'm actually saving time! /j

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Have my upvote because someone doesn't get sarcastic feathered dinosaurs

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    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It went five months without being done, obviously it could have gone five more and been fine.

    Potato Au Gratin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been telling myself I'm going to organize my closet for 8 months :'(

    Octopus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *me doing the dishes and cooking and scooping cat litter so i can put of doing laundry* This is fine!

    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I aspire to be like you 😂

    Noname
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I did this today - I finally took all the old vinyl records, dvds I'm not interested in rewatching, and several boxes of manga, BD and other books out of the basement and brought them to a store that buys these items. It took me about 30 minutes (including putting them in my car and driving to the store), and they paid me €42! (excellent positive renforcement !)

    Lame Llama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like every tax season to me.

    Denise B.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Kenzie, you look like you should be in movies!

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    Kyla started with a blog before making a Facebook page and other social media accounts where she shares hilarious, relatable parenting content. When we asked her to tell us about herself, she wrote: “I started a blog in 2012 called Mommy's Weird. I work at a library and a bookstore. I am married to an introvert who doesn't know what to do with me, we have two kids that are 15 and 12- who are now more mean funny than cute funny. We live in Cranbrook, British Columbia Canada.”

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    Kyla was experiencing all sorts of parenting joys and challenges when she decided to create a blog that now resonates with parents all over the world. She shared with us how it all started: “I was on maternity leave with a very busy 3-year-old, and I had a 7-month-old. I was lonely, tired, and needed something for myself. I’d been a radio announcer for years and was craving a creative outlet. I had 2 smart friends within a week tell me I should blog. I had no clue what I was getting into.”

    #4

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , roastmalone_ Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What about being tired when you wake up, at 2pm and when you go to bed? And every time in between

    Michelle Quiej
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Falling asleep on the couch so you get up to go to bed, but as soon as you lay down you're wide awake

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When we figure out why this happens and how to fix it, It will be the single greatest scientific discovery ever. Imagine a world where everyone actually gets enough sleep. I think it would lead to peace on Earth. Why is nobody looking into this more?

    Chia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am with you. Insomnia is controlling my life right now. I am so jealous, I mean really, literally jealous, of sleeping people.

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    Babsevs
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As someone with chronic illnesses....in concur....2pm is the witching hour

    Rivers of Belief
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    2pm is my " all.of a sudden tired time at work" on the weekends 2pm is just another hour

    SynthaCybe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a real thing, its called the Circadian Dip, happens around 2-3pm for most people, its part of the Human condition. https://supermemo.guru/wiki/Circadian_dip

    Getyourownhobby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Read at 00.30 when I know I have to get up an hour earlier than usual tomorrow.

    Kaye Nicole (Nikki)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No matter what, any factors you could imagine, I am exhausted from 4-7pm every single day. Meds, caffeine intake, hydration, wake up time, food.. every day, 4pm.

    DiscoqueenJ
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's 2:49 pm and I'm feeling this post.

    jasper
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg. This is too real for me.

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    #5

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , smerobin Report

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Life hack: buy two sets of sheets.

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    4 sets. Two lighter fabrics for warm months and two thicker fabrics for cold moths. Clean set goes on the bed before you even start the washer for the dirty ones.

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    Kaye Nicole (Nikki)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Especially if you forgot to put the dryer on

    JM
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thanks for the reminder. Gotta put the clothes in the dryer!

    Michelle Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have slept in a bed with nobody, and I can assure you that will be no lasting detrimental effects

    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happens to me a lot. If I can't be bothered to do something when I have time, I think "F you, future self" 😂😂😂

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dread bedding day for laundry for this very reason lol

    Lynn Morello
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I strip the bedding, I put the sheets into the washing machine, then immediately get clean sheets and pillow cases and re-male the bed. Screw this waiting until bed time

    Erica Cochrane
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    something about this that bothers me (and my parents do it too!) is why not just put the new bedding on right away? i mean, fair enough, if you only have one set of sheets and have to wash them, fine. but if you have other sheets...why not just do it right then? i'm lazy AF and this is what i do...

    KimB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't know who needs to hear this but if you're reading this thread and you're trying to remember when you changed your sheets last it's time.

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    #6

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm just adding numbers now. Passwort-1, Password-2 etc

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Phrases: thisIsStupid, letMeIn, or curse words from another culture. Be careful eitth the last one as it is really embarrasing when your computer dies while travelling and you have to tell IT " its wanker".

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    Jill Bussey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What really annoys me is when I think of a suitably secure password and the machine says "no, it has to include a capital letter, a numeral, a lower case letter and a typographical device."

    similarly
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read an article from a security expert who said that the current system of capitals, numbers, symbols etc. were actually EASIER to hack than a phrase. Phrases tend to be longer, but easier to remember. For me, I have a system by which each password is unique, but easy to remember. It's just a sort of code in my head, a way of parsing information.

    Ken Beattie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is true. I've also read that you're better off just writing your passwords down in a physical notebook you keep in a locked drawer at home. For the people who think that's not safe, it means someone literally has to break into your house, break into the desk, locate the notebook and find the list of passwords to get them. Compare that to having passwords saved as a text file on your PC where a mistake can leave them vulnerable to anyone in the world.

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    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've started doing [Site the password is for][Nickname with numbers instead of vowels][exclamation]. So I end up with something like AmazonM0nd4y! and NetflixM0nd4y!. Ensures I don't lose all accounts if I get hacked and they're easy to remember xD

    OWEN CASH
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've been using the same password since 1997.

    A. Starhawk Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    mine are becoming more and more obscene as time goes on.....

    Brenda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pick a word, add a special character like *, then add 001. Need to change it? 002, then 003,etc

    Jk
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    !mSickOfMakingPassw0rds

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    As with any person who creates popular content online, Kyla has touched her followers through her posts in one way or another. We asked her what kind of impact does she hope to have on her fans. Kyla shared: “At first, it was truly only for self-deprecating laughter. As time has gone on, I realize that it is for the mental health of women.”I am sure you are already aware that women are very susceptible to various mental health problems after giving birth. Having children completely changes your life in ways you could never imagine before. So it is healthy to find new ways to enjoy yourself, even if it is finding a community you can relate to.

    We asked Kyla to share her opinion on what role humor plays in coping with the challenges of motherhood. She shared: “Parenting days are filled with moments that you either laugh or you cry. And most days, I do both.”

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    #7

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , cydbeer Report

    Mila Preradović
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I somehow managed not to toss the box before reading the instructions. Then I put 200 mL of water instead of 20. I will never forget the "what a twatbasket" look on my 9yo's face. (Added some flour, baked the turds, made hubby eat them so they don't waste away. :D)

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I made BlancMange for my grandparents on a wood stove. It didn't do what I thought it would do, so I added more stuff. When it finally got to the stage I thought should be, they ate it. It was horrible and I was so embarrassed but it was a sign of love that they didn't complain and managed to eat it anyway.

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    MarBar
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have words for this: A. D. H. D. That is, I resemble this remark!! 😀

    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just like ADD but with better resolution! LOL! Me to a T!

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that with microwave instructions, too...

    Michaelann Dahlman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It took me years to learn to leave the box on the counter until after it's in the oven with the timer set.

    tabithapaquette98
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Never throw away the box! Not until they are done

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    #8

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , JohnSmillie42 Report

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    F**k youth is wasted on the young.

    Kris
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can relate. Not because im almost 3 but pms. Plus I dont like sundays, because its almost monday

    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You cannot escape. I will always be there to ruin your weekend mood.

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Too be honest I'm also either blind with rage or struck by immeasurable sadness after having to get up

    Francine Govan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    At least rage gives you some sort of energy - immeasurable sadness, on the other hand, just sucks the life out of you. 🤷🏼‍♀️

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    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a 3 year old niece. This is 100% true! It sometimes gets embarrassing in public because she likes to throw things when she's mad. Which is almost all the time. :) Being a toddler is rough. LOL!

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The ending disappointed me so much

    lonely miso
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mmm i want this today. besides the being 3 years old bit

    Lea
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't stop laughing at this 🤣

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    #9

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , daddygofish Report

    Kobe (she)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    next level will be : to wallpaper a wall together.

    Denise B.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Highest Tensile Strength = "I Totally Agree, Dear."

    Monday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "You are so right hon, that's even better than the last one" - meanwhile my brain is playing "spider pig, spider pig" on repeat.

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    AffenpinscherMom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Our 17 year marriage may end this weekend since we are getting a dumpster delivered with the intent to "clean out" the basement.

    Richard Graham
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a very white shade of white called "Mike Pense Skiing in Utah".

    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Before you get married, get yourself and your significant other to take a stroll through IKEA. If you're still together afterwards, go for it!

    Scott Rackley
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jigsaw: "Would you like to play a game?"

    Something
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You actually have to choose the shade at home using paint samples, or else you can't see what it will look like in your lighting.

    My O My
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Maybe, but the paint sample is 2x3cm...... Edit: In case some panda needs to have a laugh: the colour my bedroom is painted in is called "slipper gray"

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    Kyla’s content has an impact that is hard to describe, however, the feedback she shared with us explains the importance of having someone you can relate to. “Mommy's Weird is 95% humor. A few years ago, I hit the bottom. Hard. Our kids were struggling and I quickly realized that I had to come first in our family instead of 4th. If I kept putting everyone first, our family was going to fall apart. I never think that anyone is reading what I share, but I was at children's story time with my 6-year-old son and a very tired-looking woman with a messy bun was sitting in front of me with a fussing baby in her arms and a toddler that wouldn't stop trying to climb into her lap. She turned to me and said, "Are you, Kyla? I love Mommy's Weird." Here she was thanking me while she was struggling, it made me feel like what I was doing might actually be helping someone,” shared Kyla.

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    #10

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    nanny28innc
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Hell, I STILL quote the "30 days has September" and the "i before e" sayings...lol

    StitchIsCuteAndFluffy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to do i before e, except after c. I kept misspelling receive (online but so I could see that I misspelled it) and finally forced myself to remember

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    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let's see now. I before E except,,. never mind. I'll just use spellcheck.

    UncleRussian
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't worry I had learn how to spell business by remembering "bus in a$$, except a$$ is pronounced like Danny DeVito would say it"

    Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dollar messes with my. Only spelled it correctly because auto correct. But if I write the word I forget if it is dollar, doller, or dollor.

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    Lame Llama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Boredpanda taught me to spell with asterisks.

    Whiskey Tango Delicious
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Woman, man? Is, them, they, was, were, Fortune cookie? All off us do thus.

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    #11

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , thatsnotmustard Report

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm so proud of my nephew - he cycled 40 km (7 times around in Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh) to raise money for people in Ukraine and he did it in under 4 hours, including a break to stop to look for one of his front teeth after it fell out! :D

    bruce wayne's girlfriend
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    how has he done more things in a day than i have done this whole year T-T

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This makes it sound like everybody has a severe case of scurvy

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Teaching first graders is wild. Children, please, don't hand others a bloody, wet tooth.

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you teach littlies, I bet you've been handed worse as well! Primary teachers have such a powerful influence but need to have strong stomachs! :D

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    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They only do it for the money.

    Chia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’m pretty sure you are just referring to the tooth fairy situation and not the raising money for people in Ukraine situation , so here’s an upvote to cancel out the downvote. :)

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    SynthaCybe
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This could just as easily describe a Meth rehab clinic...

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    #12

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is a prime example of Murphy's Law

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I dont know who is downvoting all your comments.

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    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How I don't meet women vs how I've met every woman in the universe.

    KimB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I don't people unless I'm fully prepared for such an intrusion!

    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This happens to me every time I answer the door to the post man. It's become a running joke between us now!

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why I always look the same. shorts, simple top, flip flops.

    Sally Close
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    BAHAHAHAHA that is every woman!!!!

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    And lastly, Kyla shared: “When I first started the page was for me, that has shifted dramatically. Being a mom is lonely, suffocating, and tiring, and not for one second have I ever thought of it as rewarding, now that may change, but for now, I keep the Facebook page going ONLY for those that are knee-deep in this motherhood gig and need a smile.”

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    #13

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Maikku
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ringtone is "pink fluffy unicorn dancing on rainbow" It makes me happy and calm, so I can deal with whatever s**t comign my way when answering the phone 😅

    Nurichwersonst
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have the Benny Hill themesong... but its on silent most of the time, too. 🤭

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    Doug the Special one
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ringtone is crazy rog. It makes me smile and makes everyone else mad. So win win.

    Tiny Dancer
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most of my calls are from my adult autistic Muppet-loving son. So, of course, his ringtone is "Mahna Mahna". I see lots of smiles around me when it rings in public! The original, posted by me, from SESAME STREET, 1969: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5W60VwDkas and the best known version from THE MUPPET SHOW, 1977: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTXyXuqfBLA

    A girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to have the opening guitar riff from Alice Cooper's Hello, Hooray but it was very startling so I switched to Reel Ten from Repo Man. I know it's my phone when it rings. I'm vigilant about mute at weddings, funerals.

    Ken Beattie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I tried using a couple guitar riffs for mine but found I was ignoring the call and just thinking "Wooo! I know that song". Changed it to the Super Chicken Charge sound (old cartoon).

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    Thomas Ewing
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ring tone is the "Stars and Stripes Forever" march. Makes sure I'm awake.

    KimB
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I once stole my moms phone and put Stewie from family guy saying mom mommy momma : D took her two days to figure out how to change it. Hilarious (she was not amused at the time now she laughs when she tells the story)

    MushroomHead22
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    my ringtone is from Impractical Jokers "whose phone is ringing? mine. mine. whose phone is ringing? mine. mine" gets me everytime.

    Lightning_Thief
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My ringtone is Chrissy Wake Up, because A) i love that song, and B) if it rings then it would scare people because it's so loud and that would almost make up for having to talk to people

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    #14

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , mommajessiec Report

    David Wambold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait until you get the third who is willing to push then out of the plane.

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Methinks my grandson would be the one to push his Dad and Uncle whilst cackling.

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    Two_rolling_black_eyes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My brother and I were both. The deal was I'll use your stupid device but you have to try mine next time. We both jumped off the roof with "parachutes" made from old sheets. Our very best was an office chair luge. My brother duct taped cardboard boxes to two broken (backs snapped off) office chairs we found in a dumpster. Thing worked like a charm. We lived near a park with hill that had a somewhat curvy sidewalk and we'd ride it down the hill. If you crashed, it was grass.

    OWEN CASH
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I was the designer. My brother was the crash test dummy.

    EmBree
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Congratulations! Their teen years will be a riot and their adulthood full of adventure.

    WFH Forever
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The other one is apparently mine. He discovered that he enjoyed playing goalie in hockey at age 7 because he likes pucks being shot at him and has been a daredevil ever since.

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    #15

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , Maxthepapi Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They are doing it on purpose so they can invade your home

    (Anti)Social Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have to ask - what did you do to have every comment i see on this post downvoted? I haven’t checked bp for some days and i missed the drama 😅

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    LooseSeal's $10 Banana
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Say "I'm on my way." Then, if it's somebody you don't want to see, just say, " Sorry, I meant I'm on my way out."

    Lame Llama
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me being home doesn't mean I'm available.

    Octopus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Robber 1: Are they home? Robber 2: IDK but we have their number, let's ask. *texts* Me: Ummmm why? Robber 1: Are you at the party downtown? You should get going. Me: Oh no I'm at home with the flu Robber 2: Aww sorry! *adds in undertone to friend* No luck. Better run. Me: *unknowingly saves my house from being robbed because I didn't want to socialize* I'm bored

    🩶🩷Marvin HoG🩷🩶
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just leave it on read. Eventually they get frustrated that I haven't answered and tell me why. If it's babysitting then I'm out. If it's going out to do something fun then I'm out. If you're going to bring me a "because you're a huge introvert" care basket I'm most definitely in.

    Kobe (she)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me : Not, really, why ? They :.... Me: Oh, but I'll be home in 5 minutes / Oh, sorry to hear, just left to( whatever)

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First of all: where am I supposed to be?

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always just say "why, whats up?" before answering that question.

    pamela nichols
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just say no I am not at home and wait for the confusion.

    BG White
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I always respond with "Depends, what do you want?"

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    #16

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , thedadvocate01 Report

    And the like
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Indeed. I'm in the party demographic and I'm positive I want to be in bed by 10.

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    Nicky
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    After she hit 35, Tina Fey said her date told her he'd pick her up at 10, and she replied, "At night?"

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Nothing makes you feel older than hearing you college party music playef in a store. Oh, and i saw a Downy ( laundry softner) commercial with the backdyreet boys.

    Wilf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The scary thing is nowadays that could just as easily be a load of 21 year old college kids having a 2000s themed retro party....

    Queen Jackson.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They’re still doing the freaknik revival hbcu parties?

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My money's on them ending it by 8:30 when they all pass out on the floor

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    #17

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , 3sunzzz Report

    Kobe (she)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Not even three loads of dirty laundry and two bags of garbage in addition? Lucky you.

    A girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thaaat's where all my forks are!

    Chia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My son and I had a serious talk about the disappearing forks recently. A serious talk. About disappearing forks.

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    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The phone belongs to the cat, So do two of the chapsticks.

    Rostit .
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    dont look under the mattress. This is for your own protection.

    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There's probably another kid in there somewhere as well...

    Kraneia The Dancing Dryad
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm more concerned about the burner phone than finding a cat.. why would your teen need that?

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    #18

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , jazz_inmypants Report

    Mrs Irish Mom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I could get lost on a roundabout

    WFH Forever
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I frequently do. There is one with an inner and outer circle and if you are in the wrong one you can't get off where you want to go ....

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    Casey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can't even follow directions on a GPS. "Right turn in 400 m". I have no idea how far that is. I need more precise directions like "right turn at the second driveway after the lights."

    Octopus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom LITERALLY cannot figure out how to drive ANYWHERE. Grocery store across the street? Oops this old abandoned parking lot in Kansas doesn't look like any grocery store she knows.

    StitchIsCuteAndFluffy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think somebody’s been following me around with a camera. You have no idea how much this is me.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Give me an address I will literally plot a course in the phone book that will get me to your house better than your f'd up directions.

    pamela nichols
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have no sense of direction and will get on bus going anywhere,USA.

    Cathryn Cade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yep. All depends if you are a NWES person, or a 'turn left at the Taco Time' person.

    Suby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They just say that because they don't know how to be more specific and want to leave the rest to you.

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    #19

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , TiredActor Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    *strikes pose* *inhales deeply* *puts recorder to beak*

    Randi (she/they/he)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pressure! Pushing down on me, pushing down on you, no man ask for

    freakingbee is going offline
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    under pressure! that burns a building down, splits a family in two, puts people on streets

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    Suby
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'd do better with Radio Gaga.

    Mrs. EW
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did karaoke with my sil. She chose under pressure and didn’t know the song well. I ended having to be Bowie and Mercury simultaneously, lol

    OWEN CASH
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    🎶 Ice, Ice, Baby...🎶

    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Sorry, there's no Ice Ice Baby lyric in that song, interviews over."

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which version? Ice ice baby or under pressure under pressure bc theres legit 2 versions

    Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually got asked this question on an interview. I said, "I mean, I might have better luck with Bohemian Rhapsody or We Will Rock You." Then I was asked in the work environment. I do pretty well with that and I did get the job. Though, that was retail. -10/10 do not recommend

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    #20

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , Social_Mime Report

    Take me to dinner first
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never thought I was cool, but hearing my voice makes me regret everytime I spoke

    Snoop Catt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like I to apologise to everyone I've ever spoken to

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Who is that imbecile talking? Oh... *cringe*

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some reason people cannot tell my mom and I apart over the phone. Even her sister thinks it's my mom when I answer. In person we sound nothing alike. It's the weirdest damn thing!

    similarly
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Interestingly, the recording of your voice is how you sound to everybody else. When we hear ourselves, the sound isn't actually traveling from our mouth, around the head, to the ear. It's traveling directly from the vocal cords, through the bones of our head, to the eardrum. This means our voice is louder to us than to everybody else, while at the same time, the tones are more muffled and softened. We hear everybody else's voice across the vast voids of the spaces between us. Face it: that recording is how you sound to everybody else.

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! And that weird disconnect between how we think we sound when we speak vs. how we are heard when we speak is what makes our voice recordings so jarring and bothersome to our own ears. It's not that our voices are particularly bad, we just don't recognize them. It'd be like watching your favorite cartoon and having the main character be voice by a different actor halfway through the episode.

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    not human
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I feel like recordings sound different to our actual voices though or is that just me

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wanna be a singer, trust me the first recording is always the worst

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I sound like either a little kid or a full adult. No I’m between

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    #21

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , cydbeer Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's the definition of a good friend ^^

    Philly Bobcat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just leave "get well soon" cards on the mantle and guests will think you've been too sick to clean! Boom! Done!

    Francine Govan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    HEY!! Who's been riffling through my most inner thoughts???

    Natalia Allen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amazing how I can straighten my house in a flash when someone is coming at short notice but if no one's coming it takes me the whole week to get it done...

    Mike Fitzpatrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Phew! Got that sucker presentable in under an hour, just don't peek in the oven.

    #22

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    SheHulk
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have unpacked boxes from when we moved 12 years ago. Have no idea what's in them.

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait 8 more years, then you will have your very own time capsule.

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have an attic. It's full. I also have a basement. It's also full.

    Nicole Weymann
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You need a garage. (And a place to park your car, if you have one.)

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    Whiskey Tango Delicious
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why moms? This is our Christmas tradition. Gander toward the DVD player, you will find our 6yo's ornament. The couch? Garland is the year around rage

    Lynn Morello
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sadly, I haven't put up any Christmas decorations for 8years now.

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You don't know what's in them, haven't missed it yet. Take them to a charity like Goodwill and just drop them off. Box unsealed of course. I know it will be hard to do but do it anyway.

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    #23

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , not_thenanny Report

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The day my daughter became more technologically literate than I was, was a dark day. I used to work on IT help desk, that was the embarrassing bit.

    A. Starhawk Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have done so also.....and my grandkids are outstripping me. My nine year old granddaughter just casually made me a powerpoint while sitting beside me watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets....

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    Maria Maria
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember once when my son was about five or six. He opened Amazon prime on the tv. I knew he wanted a Lego Ninjago movie. Our account needed a password to buy stuff. I saw how my son clicked on "buy." My curiosity on whether he would pull it off was stronger than not wanting to waste money on something he would watch just once. I watched carefully as my little boy reached the password request. Without even hesitating, he entered the correct password. He guessed it. I was so impressed (and yet concerned) that l just sat and watched as he paid for the movie. This same little guy is now 11. Although he's gifted and extremely intelligent, he still does not know how to tie his shoelaces (despite my having tried to teach him countless times). He doesn't care and insists l buy him sneakers without laces.

    Ken Beattie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He didn't guess the password, he's heard or seen you (or someone else) use it. It's a problem when people tend to use the same password for everything.

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    lonely miso
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've always been the tech whiz. In 20 years I'm probably gonna be asked to repair everyone's printers and PCs. My dad had the same thing happen to him.

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honey, I've had no idea what's been happening for the last 20 years. I treat everything like I do my car. I get in, turn the key, it goes, it stops, and I get where I'm going. That's all.

    Maria Maria
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    #24

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    LuckyL
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Here dads on father's day: "Let's go, ride a bike and drink all day - no, of course without the women and kids".

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Are you in Germany, too?! ;-) This Father's Day, I went hiking in the Albanian mountains with my friend, leaving the kids with Daddy, and my friend's husband went round to help out. It was fabulous for everyone - they got to barbecue and muck about and I got to just get myself dressed in the morning and not give a hoot where I left my hot cup of coffee.

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    ThatCapybara
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me it’s the EXACT opposite

    Tenay Douglas
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    From what I've seen it's usually the dads who want to be alone and the moms who want family time

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You want that which you don't regularly have or do 🤷🏻‍♀️

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Soooo glad mine are grown. Mother's Day consists of the Spencer hogging the bed, the boomerang cooking brunch and making my favourite dirty chai and the big child phoning from the other side of town because he's "Dadding/Husbanding" at home. Bliss.

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    WFH Forever
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    With my kids, Mother's Day was spent with me because I am their mother. Father's Day was spent with me because my now EX-husband wanted to go fishing/camping/whatever by himself.

    Kaye Nicole (Nikki)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mother’s Day: dad tells us to do the dishes for mom and make her breakfast Father’s Day: mom says “so dad wants to play Monopoly and go for a family bike ride”

    Michelle Quiej
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dads on Father's Day: I'm leaving the house for a day of playing golf! Dad's on Mother's Day: let's plan a family gathering where mom does all the work. Every. Year

    Mrs. EW
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I never met a dad like that. My hubs is like, golf! Sleep! Sports! Dinner! Sleep!

    DiscoqueenJ
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In our household it's the opposite. I want to do things with the kids and their dad never wanted to do anything but be alone.

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    #25

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    David Wambold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad would wait while we picked out all the black jelly beans. Saved him some work.

    Sara W
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Did he like the black ones? I Iove them! Love going to the candy store where I can just get a bag of the black ones.

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shame on you, Easter Bunny! *quickly devours a Rolo*

    Bored Birgit
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Now I want to eat Rolo. At 2am. With no Rolo in the house.

    tabithapaquette98
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What child, or adult doesn't like rolos? I've never heard of such a thing.

    #26

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , UnfilteredMama Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In Uno and Monopoly all family ties are severed until the game is over

    David Wambold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They will never learn if you let them win.

    Two_rolling_black_eyes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandpa regularly (several times a week) hosted card games. When I was 8-9, he finally let me play a round of cutthroat (spades) but warned me it was an adult game and they would play accordingly. 50 something year old men crushed me and made fun of me on top of it. I didn't cry so from that time on, I was allowed to play until it was time to start telling stories the kid shouldn't hear.

    Mrs Irish Mom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Game of cards called Snap, i wont just let my child win, her daddy lets her win and she actually likes playing with me better

    WFH Forever
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We just play Risk. I got kids who always roll 4,5, or 6 and I am the queen of 1s and 2s.

    Comedy Clumbers
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am extended family, out to mild acquaintances, banned from RISK. Cowards.

    StitchIsCuteAndFluffy
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I used to play chess with my dad a lot. (Still do sometimes). But when I was a little kid he never went easy on me or let me win. Now, I’m a better player than him.

    Ronnie Cutshall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My kids learn long time ago not to ask me to play sports. I make them earn the points.

    Sara W
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My child flipped Party Monopoly. That day I knew we would never play any true version on Monopoly.

    Michelle Quiej
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Any boardgame in our house is serious business

    Marcellus II
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    RISK is the worst. The stratagems, the alliances and betrayals, the false promises, the real anger...

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    #27

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Mo Poppins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As the person who’d rather be at home, I’d hope that people wouldn’t take it personally—it’s good for people to know what your preferences are, especially if it’s someone you actually consider a friend. If your self-esteem is so fragile that you can’t handle someone not wanting to be in your company longer, then work on yourself so you don’t care, either way.

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    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My plans are improving my mental health and overall wellbeing by spending quality time with my feline companions in known and safe surroundings

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    1000% yes to this. I don't know why someone's got a snot on with you this evening but I'm starting to think I need a cellar.

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    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had a really nosy co-worker. I mean, she just didn't get hints to mind her own f*cking business. So one Friday afternoon she says a bunch of "us" are meeting up at X for drinks, wanna come. And I was like "I already have plans, sorry." But Nosy Parker starts asking what I'm doing? "I have other plans". Yeah, but what. I snapped. "Anything other than hanging out with you!". She stopped talking to me. Score!

    J
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me 100%. My social battery is so flat, I have to be on charge all the time!

    A. Starhawk Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    yes. I have plans for in intimate night with my bed and fuzzy blanket.

    #28

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    PaigeKellerman , PaigeKellerman Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I also brush my teeth while the conditioner soaks, that's what I call efficient!

    Brainmas
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ask him why it takes so long to poop.

    Whiskey Tango Delicious
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ignore the humming sounds, mommy needs me time.

    Wednesday
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My long showers are 10 minutes. Long story. But my dear husband takes 1.5-2 hour baths nearly every morning. I still get alone time...

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I can do a shower in less than 5 minutes. When you get older you don't have to shave your legs that often. Works for me.

    Rivers of Belief
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its a long and lonely path of wetness and wisdom

    Iblowsheep_V3.2
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    then do conditioner first, and turn the water off while it soaks

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    #29

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Funny how that works, but it's the truth

    Whiskey Tango Delicious
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Girl, you need more upvotes. Why is this not higher?

    Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've read this thrice and I still don't get it. Can someone please explain it to me?

    RoseAnne Hutchence
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's amazing what our parents learn from the time we're 3 to the time we're 33.

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandpa, he was the coolest and the most fun. Taught me a lot.

    Rivers of Belief
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So so true. I can see it clearly now with children

    The Fabulous Killjoy
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

    #30

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Take me to dinner first
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ohhhhhhhh now I understand the "kids in the car" sticker, it's an apology, not a warning

    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also me. And the punchline to every joke was always "poop".

    Natalia Allen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Could be worse, my nephew is only just starting to talk, his favourite new word is crash which he repeats over and over mummy crash, mummy crash while she is driving him anywhere lol.

    Maria Maria
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My kids while l drive: "Mom, guess what? POOP POOP POOP!"

    Sweet Taurus
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Taking kid to school, pull out onto the highway do about 4 donuts land in the middle of the highway. Put the truck in first gear and take off into my lane. My 8 yr old looks over at me and says mom, that was so cool. Instead of her being scared she was impressed. Definitely my offspring.

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    #31

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Ronnie Cutshall
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I soft kick mine back. The look was priceless.

    Samsquatch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Its all fun and games till he grows up and kills someone

    Sara W
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like Roger from American Dad.

    Mo Poppins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Narcissist…and not in the making—they’re born that way. If the parents aren’t, then it’s in the family genes.

    Lynn Morello
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would be dragging his a*s out of bed and telling him he is sleeping outside with the strays if he is going to talk to me like that, It sure stops them threatening you and you have no issues getting them back to bed and to sleep with a better attitude.

    #32

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's not nice to use photos of me without my permission

    LynnSynn
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me walking out the door in the morning: " I wanna go home".

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guys you never saw this side of me it was never here I swear

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    #33

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Men always aim too high, bless them. Good on you for having more realistic dreams! :D

    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And had he written out his real list with your friends names you wouldn't be talking for weeks. This way you only lose a BIL, never have to make a coffee run, and he picks up the kids from school.

    Jason Doakes
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's not how the game works...

    OWEN CASH
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If I was her boyfriend, I would be worried right now.

    Colin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My wife mentioned Shemar Moore. I mentioned the fit looking Asian cashier at the grocers and then slept on the couch for the night.

    General Anaesthesia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Because he doesn't care that it will never happen and she's keeping options open?

    Julie Snelling
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Guess who is going to complete their list first

    Nicole Weymann
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know what is meant - but you could read it as OP playing match-up between her boyfriend and the barista's bother.

    Chia
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I read this a full five minutes ago and I am still snort laughing at it.

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    #34

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Boomer: What? Me: Word.

    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The Quagmire school of english.

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    #35

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , petergyang Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    100% can confirm. It's called the grandparent cheat

    Heather Resatz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You are so fortunate if this is actually a good scenario for you .. feel very blessed!

    Gia SDP
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a grandparent with a granddaughter who lives with me half the time, I deeply feel this. Raising her is much more exhausting than raising my own two kids...and I was a single mother who worked full time AND went to night school. Grandkids are a blessing but my oh my are they tiring!

    Lauren S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is how I feel asking my mom to watch my 6 year old that I swear I do not caffeinate. She loves him to no end and he wears her out so completely.

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    Rick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am the grandparent and I approve of this message.

    not your average weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My poor mom’s parents live 14 hours away 😅

    SCP Panda [REDACTED]
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I actually live so close to my grandmother that I can bike out at 5:30, stop at the gas station to get a drink, and still be there before 5:45.

    Angela C
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Growing up the furthest we ever lived from any of my grandparents was a ten minute drive

    Geoffrey Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ..so long as you don't mind them being amped on sucrose

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    #36

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's probably for the best we don't remember being a baby

    A. Starhawk Hunt
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mother has verified several memories from when I was in my crib or high chair.

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    A girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandson. I get confused if I wake up on the wrong side of the bed. I can't fathom what it must be like to wake up in the backseat of a car when the last thing i remembered was watching Lion King sitting on grandmas lap.

    David Wambold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    WalMart. Target closes at 10pm. This is 3am

    Shelby Moonheart
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember going to a Trailblazers game when I was 5 years old and waking up at home the next day.

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My kid: going to sleep at an airport in Nevada, waking up in Grandmas car in Colorado...

    Cynthia Carter
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember a few times being out with my folks and waking up in my bed the next morning in my pajamas. Wish I still slept like that.

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    #37

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , mommymemejeans Report

    Take me to dinner first
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Okay but can we talk about how kids dishes sound way cooler than adult's?

    Élizaan Jansen van Rensburg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So very true. I would take an adult portion of the kids menu items.

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    SheHulk
    Community Member
    Premium
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Having a tall teenage boy at home - fill the fridge- come back an hour later, it´s all gone. Repeat.

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My chick is still very cost efficient by only wanting breast milk.

    Cathryn Cade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ha. Wait till they're teens and 6 inches taller than you and 5 inches wider in the shoulder...they. never. stop. eating.

    Ronnie Cutshall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wait till go to bk and drop a 100 for four people.

    Betsy Ray
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And they invite a friend. The friend eats almost nothing and doesn't even get a doggy bag.

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    #38

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    LuckyL
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    not even a month into the third year --- and already everything changed.

    Jo March's Red Fox
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Toddlers are adorable chubby little demons on crack

    DiscoqueenJ
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    More like terrific twos and terrible threes!

    Kobe (she)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In dutch : ik ben twee en zeg nee. Ik ben drie en ik doe het nog steeds nie(t) . Meaning: I am two and say no. I am three and I am still no(t) doing it.

    CelticElff
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh you sweet summer child. Give it 10 years. I'll wait.

    Upstaged75
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Threenagers. If you though 2 was bad, you might want to go buy more alcohol.

    pamela nichols
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought I was safe after 2 and to think I went through it 2 more times. I deserve medals for being mom.

    similarly
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom used to say my brother went through "terrible twos" until his was 8.

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    #39

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    David Wambold
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Stuff and things and nonspecific meals I don't make.

    Tiffany Munday
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone else to figure out “what’s for dinner”

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    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Crunch time at work. Decide to do fast food after 12 hours at work. I just couldnt make another decision. The guy behind the counter said: I will make it easy for you beef or chicken ? Big meal or small ? Then he choose something for me. I tipped well.

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    CelticElff
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A CLEAN F**KING HOUSE THAT STAYS THAT WAY

    Lauren S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I literally asked not to have to pick where we went to lunch for Mother’s Day.

    Lisa Zehr
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband: I'll make dinner tonight. What do you want? Me: Are you kidding? Figuring out what to make is the hard part. Cooking it is easy. If you're offering, you have to do both.

    Mrs. EW
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mil was the worst with me and my sil. All we wanted was to sleep in and hope for breakfast in bed, but no, we had to come as a party of 20 without a reservation for prime time breakfast at a glorified diner.

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    #40

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Tracy Wallick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    These bags under my eyes are *designer*

    Zane Lumagrowl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bags under my eyes so big they gotta check em before I board the plane

    lonely miso
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine is called the "I hate middle school" brand by Insomniac Eyeshadow.

    Auntriarch
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I asked him if I had bags under my eyes or dark shadows. He said both.

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    #41

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , HenpeckedHal Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Why can't grown-up things be fun? ☹️

    Owen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You want to know a secret? You can totally buy Legos as a grown up. The trick is to have no shame.

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    Momma Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My daughter just turned 3 and got Lego friends as a present from a friend. Her dad loved playing with it 😂

    Mrs. EW
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Or tell you’re 7 year old that you’ll help them build the millennium falcon, just so you can do it yourself; while only allowing them to put together the characters that came with it 😁

    Bored Trash Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jokes on you, I still play with legos with my son. We (I) just built the infinity gauntlet not to long ago.

    pamela nichols
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I make my children and grandchildren play a game, what team can put. it together the fastest

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ikea is more fun. At least you won't break your foot stepping in the store.

    Captain Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then again when it's time to build all the baby furniture!!

    Kaye Nicole (Nikki)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    False, my sister in law is obsessed with both.

    bears. beets. battlestar galactica.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    stupidity is knowing how to do something correctly because you learned. if people haven't learned this fact, then they're not stupid and you just look like an a**e for being such a twatwaffle about it.

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    #42

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bring honor to the house, daughter. Ok, I was thinking of Mulan

    Scott
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You can't forget to bring honour to the cow!

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    HistoryLover(she/her)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t leave my stuff lying around for you to pick up and I stay out of your way so you can clean up after everyone else. What do you mean I don’t help out?

    Laura Deckers
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Glory on your House! QaPla'!

    April Pickett
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a good one. She's brilliant.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    only counts if she is willing to commit seppuku if she shames the family name.

    xxTillyxx
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah, the Gum-Chewersons. So proud

    Zoey Rayne
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair, high school is hard, if not brutal.

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    #43

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    On the plus side, if you were a wild teenager, your teenager will be unable to hide as much from you.

    Mila Preradović
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is exactly what my hubby and I (two old punks) are counting on :D but I don't know how to handle "I didn't play Minecraft at all today, it was updating THE WHOLE TIME!" :/

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    Carla Campbell
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad liked to say "You'll have one just like you". Then he'd laugh and laugh. He was right. Not funny.

    D20 Games
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've never really understood this saying. I mean, I understand the statement, I don't understand the insult. My kids are turning into little me's. Good. I know how to handle me. It's everyone else I'm "f**k all" about.

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    crowspectre (he/they)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've used the 'would you seriously have not done that' excuse once and it made my mother uncomfortable

    Captain Panda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am SO screwed when my 4 month old is a teen!!

    Ronnie Cutshall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let see tie a bed to back if truck going down the field. Riding on side of truck. Racing in nights within lights on. These are the good ones. Oh yeah I had nightmares.

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    #44

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    sarcasticmommy4 , sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Then he proceeds to buy the fifth bottle of car wash, because that Brand surely works better than the other four

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You got my upvote because I don't have to worry about that, I only have the Spencer to consider and he won't wash the car.

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    Whiskey Tango Delicious
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Honey! Stop posting on BP! Our retirement is already on hold!

    Tee Rat
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Which is followed by, "how much did it cost?"

    #45

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Shark Lady
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me: I'm not a taxi, why don't you get the bus. My daughter: that's ok my friend can pick me up on his motorbike Me: so where is it you want me to take you.

    Nayla Kanaan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that but by politely offering to drive as so as I offer to do the hour long highway drive at 4 am I get more transportation offers (note I did have a good reason for the timing mainly that the airplane left at 8:30)

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    Jill Bussey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As a child my son had no concept of journey time. "Can you take me to ...?" Yes, what time do you need to be there? "Now."

    #46

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

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    #47

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When does it start? Asking for a friend

    PandaGoPanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    About when they’re due to start intensive revision for their graduation exams. That 9a.m. session goes out of the window.

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    Em
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First time I've seen the term "littles" used in a non-kink context. I was deeply confused for a moment.

    DBear
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Was awakened by my then 4-year-old son one morning at 5 am by him jumping up and down on my bed while excitedly yelling "Daddy, daddy, daddy! The sun is up! The sun is up!"

    Nayla Kanaan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    11 am jeez I’ve slept til 1 pm on certain weekends

    Gg
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The term "littles" makes me retch.

    Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ha ha ha!! I'm constantly asking my son if he's alive.

    🧶𝔹𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙 𝕂𝕟𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣🪡
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People thought we were nuts when we allowed our baby/toddler to stay up with us til like midnight...until we would tell them that we all woke up together, sometime around 9-9:30 am. I was never gonna be ok with that 5 or 6 am wake-up time!

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    #48

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    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he thinks it's fun... you leave all the fun to him I say

    Michelle Smith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can I have sex as a reward? Followed by takeout in the movie and then more sex

    Mo Poppins
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You always want ONE person in the household who loves organizing. It keeps life in order, and you’d otherwise have to pay someone to do it, or else live in a chaotic pigsty.

    #49

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , mom_needsalife Report

    I Am, In Fact, That Weirdo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair my mom wakes my sister up TEN MINUTES before we have to leave, and while she wakes up I stress a ton because I’ve been ready for 32 minutes.

    Ephemeral Mochi
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Uggghhh my mom has to wake my brother (who is SEVENTEEN) up EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. I swear I'm thinking we should just let him be late from now on, it's such a hassle.

    Jared Robinson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This made my blood boil. Guess who's getting up at 3 am tomorrow buddy.

    Spencer's slave
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Well I guess he's on Shank's pony from now on.

    🩶🩷Marvin HoG🩷🩶
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When my teen said that I went "I tried five goddam times, wake yourself up from now on and plan extra time for walking cuz I'm not driving you anymore either."

    Rachel Arteiro
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #50

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    Amelia Jade
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I love it. I like straight up, unsweetened, iced green tea. Lived in Japan for a decade and was hooked on Ito En. Drank the green and the dark green. Was so excited when we moved to the states and saw they sold it here too. The dark is hard to find. But regular green is at Costco. It's our main reason for being costco members.

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    Barb Jo
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Youre drinking the wrong one then, you need to dring the green tea made with Jameson and Peach Schnapps

    Em
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    Edit: replied in the wrong place.

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    #53

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    MommysWeird Report

    Aisling Raye
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have a pair of open toed, strappy heels that have tennis shoe tread on the soles and a padded lining inside. They are the closest thing to an orthopedic heel I have ever stumbled upon, and I will wear them until they literally fall to pieces. They've survived (and helped my feet survive!) all night dancing in my twenties, and many boozy wedding receptions in my 30s, and they are still going strong. Those shoes are, hands down, one of the best purchases I have made in my life.

    #54

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Gia SDP
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My nearly 30-year old son STILL does this. It never ends, I'm afraid.

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    #55

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Zenozenobee
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My kids had to put their plate in the Dish washer. They know exactly how this boy feels.

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Give that poor boy a break! /j obviously

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    #56

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm that kid and I don't know if I like it. Ok, I do, plans are overrated anyway

    Em
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Me as a child. My baseline state was grounded -- not because I was in trouble, I just wasn't allowed to go out, have people over, or really do much of anything. Made me very hard to discipline -- what more can you really take from me?

    #57

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    See, procrastination can save lives! Ehm, I mean useful receipts, same thing really

    #58

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My chick starts hitting, pinching and pulling on everything and everyone when overtired. Must be a universal toddler thing

    April Caron
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I lucked out with child #1, because he’d just put himself to bed. “I’m tired. I’m going to sleep now.” Of course, he’d be awake before the sun… so, it was a trade off.

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    #59

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

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    A girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lookit grandma, lookit!

    JojoC
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just pictured a little kid saying that while struggling to pull/push their entire toy bin out the toy room to wherever gramma is lol

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    #60

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    Nurichwersonst
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Googled my symptoms, too... its either the plague, bark beetles or the cylinder head gasket. Oh and its all deadly. Bye! Love you all! 😶‍🌫️

    #61

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    SCP Panda [REDACTED]
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just buy chickens. Boom, free eggs. Well, minus the price of chickens, Feeding them, taking care of them, having a place to keep them...

    Mama Penguin
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Make sure they're organic and free range. She'll regret breaking up with you.

    #62

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    LuckyL
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I do that at the store and then I'm mad at me at home.

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    #63

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Sue User
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Plot twist: all the eggs have been found.

    A girl
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We use plastic eggs. My brother brought real hard boiled eggs for his kids one year. About 6 months of playing what's that smell, I found a new life form in a Ziploc bag in a "party goods" cabinet.

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    #64

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird , sarcasticmommy4 Report

    Mila Preradović
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And the battery on the vacuum cleaner dies. :D

    Vic
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In that case, better run and hide, before you are sacrificed to the rage monster.

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    Em
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    A mom who lives in filth, has company over precisely once a year, knows all year that they are coming, and only decides to do something about the state of the place 3 days before they arrive. We didn't sleep the last week of December in my house.

    BananaMonkey(she/they)
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Anyone else remember washing the steps with wet paper towels and baby wipes every time?

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Only to be relieved when the company cancels at the last minute

    #65

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Aileen Grist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought a plant in the bathroom had bugs until I looked closer and realised it was toothpaste - no kids at home - just my husband with his toothpaste

    Lauren S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I finally figured out how to get my kid to put toothpaste on the brush properly!! The magic trick I was missing was to teach him to touch the toothpaste to the brush and to swipe/swoop/scrape?? it off. Amazingly less toothpaste on the counter. This took me 3 years to figure out.

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    #67

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    cerinamroth
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You might just be developing your British side. I hear it's a thing.

    Wilf
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes, it is in common usage but we use programme rather than the Americanised program. Unless it's computing, in which case we use program.

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    Julie Snelling
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Do people not say program any more then?

    Back in St. Olaf
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #68

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When they stop being all nice and cuddly

    Lauren S
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Mine is always cuddly thankfully. I don’t look forward to the days he starts thinking this is “uncool”.

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    #69

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

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    Mrs Irish Mom
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Show offs, i usually back into other cars

    Mike Fitzpatrick
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's also contagious. I have always backed in and within a week of moving here everyone one on my side of the street does the same. I'm just too lazy to make sure one of the 4 school busses that stop out front isn't behind me when I need to leave.

    #70

    Mommys-Weird-Jokes

    MommysWeird Report

    Feathered Dinosaur
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What exactly is a woosah? *not a native dino*

    Nuno Leal
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    Google "martin lawrence woosah" (Bad Boys reference)

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