When Elizabeth Aura McClintock, Ph.D., who, among many other areas, researches mating selection, gender, and sexuality, conducted a nationally representative survey of about 15,000 young women and men (average age 22), she found that to 82 percent of men (and 84 percent of women), being married someday is "very" or "somewhat" important.
Additionally, young women and men differ little in reported relationship commitment. "Gender differences do exist among young adults in the...data, but they do not indicate an insurmountable rift between women's and men's desired romantic trajectories," the sociologist explained.
However, that doesn't mean that guys have it all figured out. They still experience doubts. So when one Reddit post asked fellas to share their biggest insecurity as boyfriends and husbands, many agreed to show vulnerability and obliged.
This post may include affiliate links.
that i will never find a woman as awesome as the one I just buried...
I miss my best friend...
The fact that I’m about to be a stay at home dad and her parents keep bothering me about what I’m gonna do. She’ll makes significantly more than I ever could and there’s literally no point in me working anymore. I just don’t like being judged.
Older generation have very fixed ideas about gender roles. Ignore them. Stay at home dad: I did this. It's fine. Your kids will probably favour you later in life as a result . That's what happened to me.
Kudos to you! The time you spent with your children is immeasurable.
Load More Replies...
It’s really sad, because if he was the one that worked all the time, he’d most likely be judged for “making” his wife do all the child rearing. Judgmental people will always find reasons to be judgmental. I
Had the same issue. Was a SaH dad for 3 years. Enjoy the time with your kid, you'll be fine. The haters can fúck off.
While it can be financially tough, having one parent staying at home is worth it. My wife was a stay at home mum and our son would not be where he is without her spending all that time with him. She taught him the alphabet, to count, to read... the list goes on. Not forgetting all the playing together. It put him at a level ready for school. More so after he was diagnosed as autistic. Then it really did make the difference.
There is nothing wrong with a man or a women being the stay at home parent just as long as someone that you trust and cares about your kids are watching them.
I'm a stay at home dad to a 13[f] and a 5[m] my wife makes more than I would and a decent pension. The time you get to spend with your kids is amazing, it's a pity that every family can't have the option of one parent being able to be at home.
Tell them you're working from home, because you technically are between watching your child and probably doing chores and cooking. Just because you're at home doesn't mean you sit around doing nothing, I know because right now I'm SAH and I love daddy-son time and I enjoy cooking dinner.
People need to mind their own damn business. A loving, stay-at-home parent is invaluable, and typically does years and years of unpaid, unnoticed labor for the sole purpose of raising a decent, productive human being, as well as creating comfort and stability for the entire family. People judge you if you're a stay-at-home parent, and they judge you if you use day care.
my dad was the breadwinner so he worked throughout my entire childhood. I wish he had stayed at home more often - Poster is doing everything right.
There are so many resources that can help you bring up happy, productive little assets to society. Staying home with my 2 boys was the best thing I could have done. It is so rewarding to be the person who guides them. Please be proud of your efforts. I won't lie, it's awfully tedious at times, but more than worth the sacrifice. I helped out with other kids whose parents worked themselves crosseyed and one of the best days of my life was spent with 5 young boys. Best wishes
I feel this. My wife makes nearly three times as much as I do and we're working on me staying home with our aging parents to take care of them and keep up with the housework and handling all of the kid stuff. Everyone has an opinion on it--but we've gotta do what's right for US, not them.
Reminds me when i left the military and was applying for IT contract jobs and both my in-laws were saying pretty much every hour...... 'well ring them again....... get onto them... make them reemember your name by ringing all the timee'...... no matter how many times I'd say 'it doesn't work like that in this.... pestering will not make me out to be hireable' my old father in law was a finance director...... his missus can only be defined as the wife of an old finance director....cause it's not like she ever even had a career of her own but christ she had opinions aplenty;. Long story short.... my 1st contract on my own was like double my old father in-laws wage and they stopped trying to advise me on how to earn it and moved pretty quickly into telling me how I should spend it.
Forget what the in-laws say. Judging you only shows their own character. Do what's best for you and your family.
Nothing wrong with this if you can afford it, my wife stays home but I would have too.
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home Dad. Some families just work better that way. Power to yours xx
They keep bothering you about what you’re going to do? The same thing they seem to think only moms should do. Be a stay at home “parent”. That’s what. After all, you and your wife are the “parents”.
Don't give anyone power over you. You are doing an honorable job and you should revel in it. I have no doubt you will be an awesome dad/teacher/role model to your children. Only small minded people judge bold individual actions. I'd be proud if you were MY son-in-law or my son.
There are studies about the monetary value of stay at home parents and everything they do. Depending on wages where someone is, being maid, child carer, cook etc is worth $100,000 +. Remind them of that and see if they get off their attitude?
It’s no one’s business but you and your wife/partner. You’ve obviously come to this decision together so don’t worry about the naysayers.
Same with me being SAHM in my country. It's not verry common here for the mother to stay at home. Usually people have 1 or 2 kids and the daycare is free since last year (it was really cheap before that), so mothers are working. But I want to raise and educate my kids myself and all family members are shocked. But the most important thing is that my husband supports this decision 100%.
Do what's best for your family and your situation! If your kids are happy and you and your wife are on the same page, everything else is background noise.
Remember that the prior gens ideas of how to raise kids and be a stay at home were one sided and fuked up. Don't let them guide you or you and your family will pay. Talk to your partner about the boundaries you two wish to set and insist that it stays about you two and your ideals. And tell her parents that you've decided to put your family first and if they have issue with their outdated misogynistic ideas of what "put my family first" should mean to a man, science and modern knowledge are proving just how jacked that is for both men, and women. And the nasty effect it has on children.
You're a wonderful Father and supportive Husband so nevermind what other's say. They will judge you with or without your consent so enjoy this precious privilege that you have with your little one and take it one step at a time...
In this day it’s an absolute luxury for a kid to have a parent who can be at home during their formative years, forget what anyone outside your situation has to say, you’ll never regret a second you spend watching your kids grow up x
What do they mean what are you gonna do? You're gonna be a stay at home dad! That's one of the most important jobs there is.
I have the same feelings as a woman. My mom and his mom both stayed home with the kids. We are both from middle class families. Now, my high school sweetheart is worth millions and neither us have to work but we do and still get the same questions/judgments. You do you and raise those kids the way it works best for you and ignore the rest.
That I cannot fix every problem they have and that I am not always the problem when they’re upset. I have to let them be upset and understand it’s not always me and it’s okay to just listen to them.
That I am not good enough, in any sense of the word, and that my partner is "just settling" because I'm stable.
Can't help but feel sometimes they're just waiting for something better to come alone, ya know?
The person she tells you not to worry about. Trust me, we know. We can see the change in subtle behaviour and the feeling of 'losing' her.
Yep, your instincts are probably right. And there's nothing you can do about it. Just confront her directly. I did this. I said "I see you seem happier around so-and-so. If you want to be with him and he'll make you happy I will step out the way. But don't waste my time keeping me around if you are done with me." It hurts like f**k and there's really nothing you can do about it. Assaulting him or whatever will not stop it, it will just make it obvious that you are the AH and that he's the poor victim. All you can do is try be the best version of you possible. Listen to her empathically. Focus on your career when you are not around. Pursue your hobbies that don't involve leaving her alone for hours (ie drop fishing and hiking if she doesn't enjoy those). If he still hovers around and she still seems keen on him, call it quits and give yourself a year or two to get over it.
I play with my daughter all the time but at the end of the day, she always prefers mummy.
that's ok I have a similar issue with my kids. Each kid will select a parent they prefer for subtle reasons.
That im too ugly for someone as bright as her. The times i overheard ppl saying we're an unmatching pair is uncountable
if SHE chooses to be with you, then that is waht counts. I've found that women are not that interested in how a man looks but more what his qualities are like other than that.
Not knowing why the f they would ever love me. So there must be a other reason and it can't be money.
I am nothing but a collection of insecurities
That it isn’t real. Just someone having fun with a guy who’s gullible enough to let himself think he found somebody who actually cares for him
that's sad but think about it this way. You are with someone. If she doesn't value you and drops you at some stage, you already know the ropes and managed to find someone. You'll find a new someone again. Don't stress about it. Is there something specific that makes you feel like she doesn't care? It's possible also that she's a narcissist. Does she ever ask you about your mental states/happiness levels?
Giving them the feeling of not being there for them enough.
I tend to be very quiet and introverted. I've been told several times that I'm too much in my head and that they have the feeling I'm not "actually there". But I try to work on it and be more open about my feelings and stuff
This is very important. This destroyed my marriage. Please go get tested for ASD. Try empty your thoughts and try engage her in conversation. If this is too difficult, then at least try do it when you are around her, and spend the rest of your time at the office so you feel less pressure to do this.
That I'm not worthy of her. She's the total package and I'm just... me. What makes it really crazy is that we have been together for almost 34 years and I still feel this way. In no way, shape, or form has she shown me that this might be true. She's literally the perfect partner.
Time to take a breath buddy...and maybe a nice trip to celebrate year 35!
Being able to afford my family the life the deserve, because they deserve it
Your wife can contribue to that as well. Why do men still think their only value is in providing abd they need to be the sole provider?
My biggest insecurity is breaking down the walls and letting someone in. I've only ever managed to fully do that once, and that girl basically just told me her problems will always trump mine, and I should just stop bringing them up to her because she doesn't care. (Pretty much word for word what she said)
I married her because she is the only woman I have been with that actually makes all my insecurities go away.
That one day, out of seemingly nowhere, they’ll no longer care for me. And when it happens, it hurts
I think everyone is afraid of this to some point or they think about it. It something anyone would about when you need help or are having health issues and such.
Well I quit my job to pursue my dream of owning my own business but it's going to take a long time to get there so right now, I'm just a stay at home dad.
I thought it'd feel awesome being at home and being with my daughter while my wife works. It is awesome being with my daughter each day but man I feel kinda crappy now being a stay at home dad, like I'm not doing my part as a husband and father.
For me it's feeling like i'm a drag on my partners life. I have several health issues that leave me in extreme pain near constantly, constantly sleep deprived and without any energy or motivation to do anything besides lay in bed and watch tv or listen to music while cuddling with my girlfriend. Meanwhile my girlfriend is a perfectly healthy, energetic and full of life young adult who wants new experiences and doesn't want to spend a minute more than she needs to resting. I try my best to keep up and if i can't do a certain activity she wants to try, i actively encourage her to do whatever it is she is wanting to do (i.e go to an amusement park, go on a road trip, go carting, activities like that) with her friends, but at the end of the day the unavoidable truth is i am a damper on her life and i don't see why someone like that is willing to be in a relationship with someone like me.
She must really love you for who you are and not what she can do with you...
That I'll be made fun of if I'm vulnerable. It's happened before, and it's hard to really trust like that again. You wonder "will this be held against me?" wether it's teasing or in a fight. or if she'll tell her friends.
This really sucks, and sadly sounds like a product of toxic masculinity/femininity. Men should not be afraid to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings, nor should women use private information as a weapon or gossip. When will society stop reinforcing these stereotypes?
Why me? Why not somone else? What do i have that you would like?
You know, you can always just ask her. She may love talking about it. Of course, you will then have to tell her why you chose her, so be prepared.
Not being enough for her. I know I work my butt of at work, emotionally supportive, and giving goals and lead way to what’s next in life. However, there’s always that voice that says you need to be more, it’s not enough, try harder. So, I push the living hell outta myself.
she probably doesn't want that from you. She probably wants you to be present. So at night instead of sitting on news, games or social media, just sit next to her and be there.
My wife had cancer and now is in remission. I never felt more useless than when we were at the hospital and they told us and I just couldn’t do anything to fix it. I had to hope that someone else could help save my wife’s life. I couldn’t just beat the cancer up or yell at it or tell it to leave her alone, I felt f*****g useless.
The lack of money that I make.
We've had this issue for the past few years. Yes, it is tough, and he is working his hardest to help pay for things. But I make a point to find activities that are free or super cheap for us to do together, because a relationship isn't all about money. I don't need to jetset to be with my mate.
That i’m still a piece of ✨*Garbage*✨
We all garbage but just garbage in the places that don't seem to matter to her. One person's trash is another person's treasure.
- Not being as good a provider as I know I could be. What am I working *for,* anyway?
- Empathy. She tells me her troubles and my only thought is: How can I fix them? She doesn't want me to fix them, she just wants me to listen and care.
This is the lesson so many need to learn. Active listening and empathy.
She’s such a better parent than I am. Between my temper and my size, both of my girls have this “don’t p**s off dad” mentality. It’s effective in the heat of the moment, but I watch her interacting with them and I feel completely inadequate as a parent.
Edit: As there seems to be a commonality in the comments here, I’ll note that I have been seeking professional help for both the PTSD and the anger management issues at the core of this. I want to be a better parent for my children, and it’s clear that I need professional help to get there.
I was afraid of my father growing up and it affected our relationship even now. I think the trick is to counter the behavior with good times with them, too. Play with them as much as you can. When you're in a good mood, be that with them. And, I can't stress it enough (especially for daughters), make them feel like they are pretty to you. Like they are important to you. My father was angry all the time and I thought I was always doing something wrong. A kid doesn't understand psychological issues an adult may have. My dad rarely countered that with fun times/positivity. And I always felt ugly to him. As I hit puberty I gained a tiny bit of weight and he made fun of me or made me feel like I needed to compare myself to other girls. I developed a huge complex because of it. He always says he's proud of me, but he's talking about work. But I'm a disappointment because I''m overweight and not married. I know being pretty isn't everything, but feeling ugly from your dad, it's horrible.
The amount of attention she receives. In my head, I can't compete with any of the guys who openly go after her. And I genuinely think she would not give me the time of day if she didn't have a child I am great with.
Does she openly and happily and joyfully receive those attentions from other men? Or does she rebuff them? That's the most important question. If she doesn't rebuff them, tell her it makes you uncomfortable and ask her to try think of how you feel. If she scorns that request, leave her.
The potential your wife might leave you is especially concerning.
She will leave you if (a) you are absent (check-out of the relationship psychologically, or do not meaningfully engage psychologically and verbally when you are around her) (b) you are abusive (c) you both do not have a job and you blame her for it (d) you do not pull your weight in other ways e.g. leave messes around the place (e) you cheat (f) you become or are a druggie or alkie. I think those are the main issues that women leave men over.
Why pick me when you have 50 other opportunities at a moment's notice lol
Not being good enough. I’ve felt this way all my life to the point where it’s my normal. This is because of the way my family and friends treated me in the past. So, it was a bit of a shock when my girlfriend treated me the complete opposite way by loving me and telling me that I’m more than enough for her. The feeling of inadequacy comes up from time to time and i still have not fully dealt with it. I am really lucky though to have her as my girl.
For what it's worth, this happens to women, too. Any time a guy has ever hit on me in the past I think he's joking or that it's not real or it's a joke. It's from years of insecurity and treatment at home. It's been a struggle my whole life to think that when people are nice to me it's not just because they want something. My only advice is to try and think better of yourself. Once you work on that, accepting love and positive attention becomes easier. But it will probably be something you struggle with regularly. Try and keep in mind this person is with you because they love you and no one would be with you that long if they weren't happy.
Dying young and having another man raise my children and f**k my wife. It's all the encouragement I need to live healthy.
Totally. But remember she's not your property, she's a human with her own will and decisions and her body belongs to her. If she offers it to someone else, that's her decision and she is not in fact your property or your sex slave. The legitimate concern you have is WHO she chooses and what kind of stepdad he will be to your kids. If that concerns you, then work really hard on keeping her. The most important thing is to be present. Be around her. Be interested in what she says, how she feels, and what she's doing. Don't drift off into space thinking about your next fishing trip.
I know it is unlikely but dying at the wrong time. Like driving the family somewhere or she is at work (she works odd hours) and it is just me and the kids. I had this walking nightmare for years of me getting like a stroke while driving down the highway and sliding out of control with everyone screaming or me just keeling over at home while my kids sit with my corpse for 6 hours.
As for why maybe it is because I like problem solving stuff for them and one day that is going to go away.
my entire lack of libido
I would make sure there isn't a medical condition first. I feel like media and even some hyper-sexed guys have given men a stigma about how they must always want to have sex or something must be wrong with them. But that isn't how it always is. If you aren't, you aren't. And you may simply need to find someone you're compatible sexually with. But I would make sure you aren't missing out on a wonderful part of your life because something is medically/psychologically wrong. A total lack of wanting sex in any way, even occasionally or masturbating, could be a sign of low hormone levels, thyroid issues, etc that you simply have gotten used to so you aren't aware anything is wrong.
Note: this post originally had 95 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
BP taking a break from bashing men in the posts feels like a breath of fresh air for a change.
For many many years my depression has told me that my family would be better off if I wasn’t here. That it is the noble and correct course to end it all. (Note: I am getting help but the thought does remain)
The world only has one you in it. And that means you are irreplaceable
Load More Replies...
I love this, I love this, I love this!! Men are just as emotional and insecure as women. We're not perfect; we're not uber confident; shock horror - we do have self esteem, feelings and anxieties, all of which are vulnerable as those of women. This really shouldn't be a revelation but for some parties it clearly is. Men are also PEOPLE.
Sometimes we need some encouragement hope the list reminds everyone that
God damn people, little hard on yourselves. if like was easy ,everyone would do it
BP taking a break from bashing men in the posts feels like a breath of fresh air for a change.
For many many years my depression has told me that my family would be better off if I wasn’t here. That it is the noble and correct course to end it all. (Note: I am getting help but the thought does remain)
The world only has one you in it. And that means you are irreplaceable
Load More Replies... I love this, I love this, I love this!! Men are just as emotional and insecure as women. We're not perfect; we're not uber confident; shock horror - we do have self esteem, feelings and anxieties, all of which are vulnerable as those of women. This really shouldn't be a revelation but for some parties it clearly is. Men are also PEOPLE.
Sometimes we need some encouragement hope the list reminds everyone that
God damn people, little hard on yourselves. if like was easy ,everyone would do it
