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37 Reasons Why These Decade-Long Marriages Came To An End—And Some Might Break Your Heart
As someone who believes in “then they lived happily ever after”, it breaks my heart when love just dies and marriages just end. Don’t get me wrong, I am not anti-divorce or anything, but as a hopeless romantic at heart, I wouldn’t let go of the one, would you?
In reality, however, it does happen because people have to leave when things become unbearable. When Reddit user sakiliya asked, “Divorcees who were married over a decade: what ended your marriage?”, people freely shared their stories. From heartbreaking to frustrating, we have compiled the best ones for you. Just scroll down to check them out!
More info: Reddit
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#1
I got tired of seeing our money being spent at the racetrack, treating his friends to drinks at the bar- and he was extremely verbally a*****e to me when he drank-, and his mistress, we had a real trifecta of reasons. 14 years married, I got the house, and the mortgage.
He married the mistress, that marriage lasted two years, and then wanted to " come home and he promised he'd do better. " By then I was sooo happy he was gone I thought it was pretty funny. He didn't appreciate being laughed at. .
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#2
I'm divorcing my wife because she didn’t know how I like my coffee.
I like my coffee the same way I like my women.
Without other people’s d**k in it.
Mrs Irish Mom 5 months ago
Heard this so many times and its so funny every single time I hear or read it 😂🤣
#3
First 8 years were great. Then she got weird. What she herself had called an amazing marriage suddenly wasn’t great. She rewrote history. Blamed me. I got us in counseling. Spent vast sums of money, made all the changes she wanted. It was a year of hell. Then the counseling worked. Things got better. Then one day 11 years in she gave me a big hug, said she loved me, and said she needed to run to the grocery store. A few minutes later the door bell rang and I was served papers.
Long story short her lawyer turned the divorce nasty. She demanded insanely intrusive discovery. Once she refused to retract it, I demanded the same of her. That discovery process uncovered 4 separate affairs that began at the 8 year mark.
When the settlement was finally agreed upon she changed her mind and wanted to stay married. Refused to sign the papers. I was a hard no on that and kept the pressure on.
So six figures in legal fees and seven figures in asset split later, here I am.
Janelle Collard 5 months ago
Dang, buddy - that's some seriously f**ked up s**t. Hope things are better for you now. (Yes, I KNOW OP will never see this comment. Keep yer hair on.)
As I scrolled through the list, I noticed that infidelity was probably one of the most popular reasons for divorce. In fact, the US ranks among the top 5 countries with the highest rates of cheating, with 16% of married individuals admitting to cheating. That’s a really sad statistic, isn’t it?
Back when I was too naive, I used to think that infidelity only happens in unhappy relationships, but research shows that even people in happy relationships cheat. Sometimes it’s tied to low self-esteem or even a kind of addiction to attention or feeling wanted.
Other times, it’s more about someone’s personality, their views on relationships, or the kind of culture they grew up in, especially if being unfaithful is seen as “not a big deal” in their circle. It has also been revealed that men often cheat in more physical ways, while women are more likely to get emotionally involved with someone else.
#4
We had children. It triggered his latent avoidant tendencies and he avoided me for half a decade before I was finally able to drag the truth out of him--he never wanted to be married, never wanted to be a father. He stayed out of obligation and duty but he was miserable and he took it out on me. Never the kids, *just* me.
You can feel sympathy for someone while also being betrayed on such a fundamental level that you never want to see him again. Sometimes I miss the man I married... but he never really existed, he was a mask for a guy who really ended up being a jerk.
#5
My husband started a relationship during my treatment for my brain tumor with someone from our pharmacy, started hitting me out of anger, left me and my daughters for said person, married her a week after our divorce finalized. New wife sued me for emotional distress because she was upset he was convicted of domestic battery and sued my 12 year old autistic child for emotional distress because she was “mean” to her.
Can’t make it up; lots of therapy and horrible sense of humor to survive it.
KatSaidWhat 5 months ago
WTF is wrong with that woman?!?! I hope she got laughed out of court.
#6
Our daughter was diagnosed with a terminal illness.
I discovered my partner was trying to start a new replacement family on the side.
reuben kift 5 months ago
Okay, I've heard a lot of these stories and, while I do not advocate violence, I can acknowledge that some people need a beating and these m o t h e r f*****k e r s fit the bill.
A few people also mentioned alcohol use disorder (colloquially known as just alcoholism), and I think it's important to talk about it. In 2019, around 2.6 million people's passing away was related to alcohol consumption. What's more, an estimated 400 million people, or 7% of the world’s population aged 15 years and older, lived with alcohol use disorders.
Alcohol might seem fun or like a quick escape at first, but over time, it can seriously mess with your life. Studies show that it can wreck your health, drain your energy, hurt your relationships, make work a struggle, and even land you in legal or money trouble. Worst part? It can leave you feeling really low and not like yourself anymore.
But the good news is that people bounce back all the time. With some support and the right steps, you can turn things around because it’s never too late to start fresh.
#7
For some reasons my husband felt like hitting me anytime we had an argument, was the better way of resolving our issues, one day he hit me and I got a miscarriage, so I sued him and left the marriage.
#8
After 12 years and 3 kids, I caught her having an affair.
Her response;
"Why can't you just be happy that I found someone I like?".
#9
After twenty one years of marriage - twenty five as a couple, she became an alcoholic. Childhood traumas she wouldn't deal with made her become drink-dependant for the last three years of the marriage & pushed me to breaking point. Mainly because she refused to admit there was a problem. We divorced, which she did everything she could to drag out and make acrimonious. My children (now grown) came & lived with with me. She died of liver & multiple organ failure within four years of the divorce. While highly stressed at the time, the whole thing makes me sad now.
Another issue that these divorcees faced during their marriage was physical violence. Shocking data shows that in the United States, nearly every 1 in 2 women and more than 2 in 5 men reported experiencing intimate partner violence at some point in their lifetime. As harrowing as it sounds, what can we expect from a world that is buzzing with war even at this moment?
It has been observed that this type of violence doesn’t just leave bruises; it messes with victims’ hearts, their heads, and their whole lives. It can make them feel scared, stuck, and totally drained. It can also ruin their confidence, their mental health, their job, and even their relationships with friends, family, and kids.
Unfortunately, not everyone can find a way out of this vicious cycle, and my heart really goes out to them.
#10
I was married for almost 13 years and we got divorced cuz we just fell out of love and it was time to move on. We were basically just roommates.
reuben kift 5 months ago
It's a lot better to brake things off if you're no longer in love than to drag it out. Doing such a thing could lead to resentment or even hatred.
#11
My wife's and my marriage was pretty good. Not perfect but divorce didn't cross my mind. She got involved online with a guy she knew from her childhood. She got emotionally entangled and couldn't give it up. 29 years married and it ended in a matter of months. She's been married to him now for 2 years. I'm now engaged and will be getting married next year.
#12
We stopped being teammates and started feeling like opponents.
People also shared other reasons, like falling out of love, going through tough health issues, money problems, struggles with mental health, or even challenges that come with raising kids. And honestly? That’s all valid. Relationships are beautiful, but they can also be really hard. And sometimes, even with all the love in the world, things just stop working.
What really matters is knowing your limits. If something starts weighing you down or making you feel like you’re losing yourself, it’s okay to take a step back. Choosing peace over pressure is not a bad thing; in fact, it’s brave.
I’m honestly so glad we’re living in a time where people aren’t judged the way they used to be for walking away from a relationship that isn’t working. Divorce isn’t a failure, it’s just another way of choosing yourself.
#13
We were married for 12 years, just had our first baby after buying our dream home. She was in a wheel chair due to childbirth complications, and I was caring for her full time and taking care of the baby.
After 6 weeks of paternal leave, I went back to work. She met some loser in an online video game and they spent all day, everyday talking. We were locked down during COVID and she never met him in real life.
I found out what was going on when the [explicit] videos she was filming of herself in our house to send to him synced to tablet we shared in the living room.
We were in divorce proceedings before our baby was 1 years old.
#14
I didn’t like the woman he started seeing.
#15
She left me (M) for another woman. I don't have the parts to compete with that. But, I found out that liking women is another thing we had in common!
Well, dear readers, that's it from our end of the rope as we hand things over to you now. We would definitely love to hear your stories if you have any. Also, if any of these stories from the list resonated with you, feel free to share your opinions with us. Our comments section is eagerly waiting for your thoughts!
#16
I had planned to never get divorced! But surprise! I found out six months after the fact that he took all our savings and bought a farm. He told me I wasn’t welcome there and he might move a girlfriend in with him someday. So divorce it was.
#17
There were many things but the one thing that really sticks out was he wasn’t working and I worked the second shift. I would be getting ready to go to work and he was going back to bed to take a nap. And make an a*****e comment like “nice cellulite” 🖕🏻.
Janelle Collard 5 months ago (edited)
🤬 This is why hedge trimmers are useful in the bedroom... 😁
#18
He had always been a*****e, but because he didn’t hit me and he loved me, I figured it was worth it. Then one day he said he wanted to hit me and he was going to hurt our dogs someday. I left for my dogs’ sake so really, they saved my life.
SunshineDoom 5 months ago
I’ll never forget the day my “boyfriend” told me he wanted to smack me across the face if I didn’t stfu, or the time he told me he saw why my ex boyfriend used to hit me- because of my mouth.
#19
Her bipolar finally got the better of us.
I supported her through the many episodes, s*****e attempts and overspending, even the first cheating. It was still "us vs. the disease".
But when she stabbed herself in the stomach in front of our 9y.o. son, (d**g induced psychotic break during another affair with an alcoholic , it’s a long story…) I knew I had to pull the plug…
On the bright side she hit rock bottom after that and rebounded with some help from me and her family . She is marginally better now, even if I suspect she’s off her meds again and things won’t end well.
LongFang 5 months ago
My wife did not take Bi-Polar ("my fault she is like that") meds as she feared a*******n. After 10 yrs of Hell i realised she's also narcissist... She cheated... Twice... Cue divorce. During it she tried to destroy me. Now we whatsapp in a civil manner for the sake of our Daughter. Once i suggested as she was late to pick up Daughter i would by her a coffee... She hinted if i could help her financially for the 2 kids she had with that other guy... She stormed off as almost died laughing.
#20
20 years. She upgraded to husband 3.0 after years of out of control spending. I put my foot down, she hit the road. Fortunately the next guy married her less than two years later, getting me out of many remaining years of "income equalization" I should really send him Christmas cards.
#21
After 20 years being called pitiful(and the accompanying sneer) for wanting s*x with the woman I still found the most beautiful in the world. this after 5+ years of no sexual anything. a mans attitude changes when he's called pitiful by the woman he worships.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
Similar happened to me, just reversed genders. I put on some weight (I am 5'5" and was normally around 140lbs, but gained around 20 lbs and weighed around 160lbs.) My boyfriend told me that my body disgusted him and that he was no longer attracted to me. We didn't have séx for 6 or 7 years. He also only wanted ànal séx (I did not, it hurt me even with lube and preparation, but I did it for years because I wanted him to be happy) and wanted me to "change the noises I made" during séx to be cuter and higher-pitched. I left him (for a little while) and it turns out that other men still found me séxually attractive even at the disgusting weight of 160lbs XD I ended up stupidly getting back with my ex for several more years, but we still didn't have séx or any kind of intimacy. When he started talking (AGAIN) about me "needing" to exercise - according to HIS exercise plan - to "lose weight and get fit", I was finally done.
#22
25 years… stayed through alcoholism and his major d**g a*******n and a few rehab stays… and the SOB pays me back by cheating with someone in our friend group and getting addicted to p**n. I was trauma bonded but finally broke free. During the divorce he wrecked on a scooter and had a TBI and our kids and his dad decided to pull the plug. I didn’t want to make that decision. God works in mysterious ways.
#23
“It’s not working anymore, we are just too different”.
While this is very true, it wasn’t anything new. We were married for 16 years, together for over 20 and had known each other for 31 years by then. She had known me for 15 years when we got married.
Oh, it also turned out she was having an affair for at least a year and a half when we signed the papers.
So I have a slight hunch that the real reasoning was that she simply found someone better.
#24
After 16 years, my first wife decided she was a lesbian. Of course, she didn’t tell me. I didn’t know until I walked in on her cheating with her best friend. I was coming in on a red eye flight, but wasn’t feeling well, so I went home instead of to the office.
Just so you know- there is life after divorce. I see people say “ we had ups and down like everyone” and that was true in my first marriage. In my second marriage - it’s only been ups. Even when we disagree, there’s never anger - just adults discussing differences of opinion.
#25
I got sober and realized that we didn't like each other, he didn't respect me & was verbally and emotionally a*****e towards me and I didn't want to be unhappy for the rest of my "new" life.
#26
He was nicer to other people, constantly blamed me for his issues, didn't take any accountability and I was over it. I didn't want to live the remainder of life that way.
#27
Infidelity after many years of a dead bedroom.
She was the reason we had a dead bedroom - consistently rejecting me every time I tried to initiate - for YEARS. When she finally decided she needed a d**k, she went out and jumped on another guy's instead of mine.
#29
He decided his relationship with alcohol was more important than his relationship with me, and he thought it’d be fun to solicit female attention via Facebook and dating apps.
So I left him to it.
#30
Letting all the small things get swept under the rug instead of working through them. Ignoring major red flags because of love. We were totally different people after 10 years of growth.
#31
My parents were married for 25 years when my mom was in a fairly serious car accident, started taking classes at the local college for the first time and then was diagnosed with breast cancer - all within 6 months. the youngest sibling was 16 and the rest of us were out of the house. my dad decided he wanted to be a kid again and cheated on my mom with his friend's wife.
they didn't actually divorce until 15 years later (so they were legally married for 40 years), but they were separated, living apart, and dating other people. They kept trying to get back together every couple of years, but one wanted fewer responsibilities, and the other wanted to be taken care of.
edit to add: it was really difficult for my siblings and I to reconcile the man we looked up to so much was the same man who broke our family. the relationship between us and our dad has never recovered.
#32
The lack of division of labor. I did the labor, she divided the couch between her and the dog.
#34
No dates no vacations no solo time together no compliments no romance. I just slowly over time lost the energy to try to fight for us, I can’t live the rest of my life without ever being taken dancing….
Jude Corrigan 4 months ago (edited)
I am currently living that. He expects me to do the housework, laundry, listen to his interests and hobbies. But if I speak to him about anything he rolls his eyes. If I am on the phone to a family member, he has to get my attention by showing me a video on his phone. Yes, he can share this video but he prefers to get my attention. He has made sure I don't have friends. He always says, 'Tell me if you need help with the housework'. Some days he will help, other days he will moan about it. When he helps he likes me to thank him for helping. This is the home we both live in. If I say anything or complain, he says that I am 'being ridiculous '.
#35
I honestly dont know. Everything was great. Then all the sudden, my wife changed 180°.
I dont know what i did, but she told me “i cheated on you while we were married, so i could feel better about cheating on you in Highschool”.
#36
I grew. He didn't. Our original relationship dynamic didn't work anymore.
Bartlet for world domination 5 months ago (edited)
Reminds me of a woman I used to know, whose husband took a teaching job instead of running his own IT business to have secure income while she went back to school for four years. After which she claimed she grew and he didn't and then she took off with the children.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I finally realized and accepted that I was dating the male version of my mother - a narcissistic ábuser whose attitude can be summed up with "everything will be done my way." He used to lecture me for hours (literally from 8pm to 3am) because I couldn't "remember" the exact location he wanted me to turn the stove knób to (it had to be the same every time.) I used to say to myself, "well, at least he doesn't hit me or beat me like my mom did." He flushed my cat and dog's ashes down the toilet because he thought I cared more about them than him. I was with him for 24 years, lived with him for 3, and I wasn't allowed to attend therapy while I was living with him. He said all my mental problems would be fixed with meditation and journaling. And don't even get me started on the Wall of Shame that I had to sleep beneath. The final straw was that he was more worried about the grass in the backyard than our dogs getting exercise (he made me crate my Malinois almost all day.)
DrBronxx 5 months ago
Some of these are clearly people who thankfully escaped a*****e relationships, which is absolutely amazing, but others kind of feel potentially too one-sided. The current last one is "I grew, he didn't". That is so unbelievably vague, and open to too much interpretation. Most people see themselves as the good guy in their lives, but vague statements like that seem purposefully vague to the cynic in me.
Peeka_Mimi 5 months ago
My a*****e narcissistic ex asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I asked if we could just run errands together with him not being an @$$hole. Welp, he wouldn't even do that. That was the last straw but due to trauma bond, I stayed through a lot like cheating, lying, stealing, not working, abuse mostly coercive control and horseshit in general; but my birthday was the last straw. I've been single since I kicked him out 7 years ago and I am the happiest I've ever been.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 5 months ago
I finally realized and accepted that I was dating the male version of my mother - a narcissistic ábuser whose attitude can be summed up with "everything will be done my way." He used to lecture me for hours (literally from 8pm to 3am) because I couldn't "remember" the exact location he wanted me to turn the stove knób to (it had to be the same every time.) I used to say to myself, "well, at least he doesn't hit me or beat me like my mom did." He flushed my cat and dog's ashes down the toilet because he thought I cared more about them than him. I was with him for 24 years, lived with him for 3, and I wasn't allowed to attend therapy while I was living with him. He said all my mental problems would be fixed with meditation and journaling. And don't even get me started on the Wall of Shame that I had to sleep beneath. The final straw was that he was more worried about the grass in the backyard than our dogs getting exercise (he made me crate my Malinois almost all day.)
DrBronxx 5 months ago
Some of these are clearly people who thankfully escaped a*****e relationships, which is absolutely amazing, but others kind of feel potentially too one-sided. The current last one is "I grew, he didn't". That is so unbelievably vague, and open to too much interpretation. Most people see themselves as the good guy in their lives, but vague statements like that seem purposefully vague to the cynic in me.
Peeka_Mimi 5 months ago
My a*****e narcissistic ex asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I asked if we could just run errands together with him not being an @$$hole. Welp, he wouldn't even do that. That was the last straw but due to trauma bond, I stayed through a lot like cheating, lying, stealing, not working, abuse mostly coercive control and horseshit in general; but my birthday was the last straw. I've been single since I kicked him out 7 years ago and I am the happiest I've ever been.
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