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50 Of The Most Insane Revelations People Had In Therapy That They Felt Everyone Should Know About
Interview With Author
Therapy is an incredibly useful tool for people who need a little help sorting and working through their feelings and mental health. It offers guidance and can teach some of the most valuable life skills and lessons. And when a bit of advice changes your life, you just have to share it with others.
That’s exactly what these people did when therapist Emily Anderson, LLMSW, from Rise Wellness Collaborative, asked TikTok users their most insane revelations they had in therapy. Scroll down to find them below, and be sure to upvote those that made you realize some useful things.
While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with therapist Emily, who started this discussion in the first place and kindly agreed to tell us more about it.
Image credits: feelingswithemily
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Ppl who are upset when you set boundaries were benefiting from you having none
Alexia 6 months ago
Oh, yes. "You have changed and I don't like it" - of course you don't, since you cannot use me anymore.
Sparkle 6 months ago
Yeah I recently tried to set boundaries with my sister and I'm a b***h. No you're mad I finally called you on your bs and walked away.
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#2
So much more than I thought stems from trauma. Even my values, for example, aren’t my own. They’re trauma responses. Like valuing stability, always making sure others feel seen/heard, always trying to not be bothersome, etc
Black Cat 6 months ago
I have so often wondered what I'd be like without the trauma, would I even be me?
Reemerger 6 months ago
I learned that this is also what can make unlearning trauma responses difficult. They feel a part of you, your personality. Just imagine the you without them. How much happier or lighter you could be.
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#3
Being an empath means as a child you were put in a position to manage and be hyperaware of other emotions and that was never your job.
Joy 6 months ago
When you're so adept at walking on eggshells and broken glass that you learn how to fly
Still Going 6 months ago
Thank you. Beautifully said, though reality is much darker.
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Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
All talents/skills cost something to acquire. In the grand scheme of things this wasn't too costly.
Evelien Stijger Martens 6 months ago
I am an empath, but not for that reason. I just am, i spend my childhood in my owne head not realy bothering myself nuch with others. But i guess nobody liked that and they bulkied me. I became an exoath because i know how it feels when you realy get hurt, a lot.
Therapist Emily Anderson, LLMSW, from Rise Wellness Collaborative, tells Bored Panda that what inspired her to ask such a question online was a mix of curiosity and admiration.
"As a therapist, I get to witness so many powerful moments in the room, the kind that stop people in their tracks and shift the way they see themselves or their lives. I thought, what would happen if we opened that question up to the internet? And the responses were incredible," she shares.
#4
Just because you have forgiven someone does not mean you owe them your time or a relationship. Forgiveness is for you, not anyone else.
Ge Po 6 months ago
Forgiving means, no longer craving retribution. It doesn't mean you forget what they did, it doesn't mean you have to like or trust them now, it doesn't mean it no longer hurts what they did. You just decide that it's not worth the energy and/or trouble trying to get them to pay or suffer (more) for what they have done. Rebuilding a relationship requires trust. Trust after betrayal can only come when it is clear that the perpetrator regrets what he/she did and tries to make up for it/apologize/change their way.
BrunoVI 6 months ago
That's not a perfect definition of forgiveness, but it's a very helpful one for a LOT of situations.
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KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
This. Forgiving was for me, not you. It means we now have boundaries.
Alex Kennedy 6 months ago
Eh, I think if that’s the case, then it’s not forgiveness, it’s something else. And, to be clear, you don’t owe anyone your forgiveness!
Debby Keir 6 months ago
You can forgive, but still not want to be around someone who could do that thing that needs forgiving in the first place.
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goldenwood_cottage 6 months ago
I have forgiven my two brothers for the shenanigans and BS they caused surrounding our mom's last few months of life, and her passing - my sister is constantly campaigning for me to visit and reestablish relationships with them. I have to gently remind her, for she is the family peace maker, that I don't mean them any harm, I just don't wish to share another second of my time with them. Ten years on, she is beginning to understand.
Dove Bradshaw 6 months ago
It took me over 50 years to learn this, 5 years after my mother passed. Letting go is hard. :'(
Jayjay 6 months ago
Could you start a new topic on this subject? What is forgiveness? Do you do it for yourself? that is great! You do not carry the pain anymore? Do you do it for someone else? Then how do you deal with their behaviour if they do not accept it? This is really an important issue I would like to see people talk about.
#5
My therapist likes to point out when my mother has joined the conversation.
Judy Reynolds 6 months ago
Took me a minute to realize your mother is living rent-free in your head. Good thing to know1!
Weltschmerz 6 months ago
Thanks for this! I was thinking she was having family therapy!!!!
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Alexia 6 months ago (edited)
My therapist: "There's a lot of garbage cluttering your mind". Me: "Thanks, it's inherited from my parents"
Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
Of course my family pushes my buttons. They installed them.
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#6
The more you think negatively the more your brain makes that your primary pathway. You’re conditioning yourself to think negatively. You have to PRACTICE positive thinking to form a new pathway.
Jayjay 6 months ago
Not just thinking negatively of yourself but especially of the loved ones around you. I often meet people who do not solve painful relations with their loved ones because they think the other person does painful things to you on purpose and not (as too often happens) from their own pain. Trying to break the negativity really starts in yourself and be surprised how many will follow :).
Courtney Christelle 6 months ago
My therapist recommended a book called ‘Rewiring Your Anxious Brain’. Can’t remember the authors but very informative.
Anderson says that many clients come to revelations during their sessions, mostly related to a deep sense of shame.
"Shame for not enjoying parenthood the way they thought they should, for disliking their job, for not wanting a relationship with a family member, or for struggling in ways they believe they "should" be able to handle," she says.
"As we start to gently unpack those experiences and reduce the secrecy that surrounds shame, clients begin to feel more free to make value-driven choices that feel true to them. There is no "right" way to feel. Emotions are signals, and when we meet them with curiosity instead of judgment, we learn so much about ourselves, our story, and the past that shaped us."
#7
You didn’t ask to be in this world. You are not obligated to have a relationship with your parents and don’t owe them anything if they didn’t do their job as a parent to make you feel loved.
Alexia 6 months ago
"But they sacrificed so much for you!..." "But they are your parents, they raised you and gave you food and shelter!" "Blood is thicker than water" etc. - yeah, sure. That's why I've been in therapy for several years, struggling with depression and anxiety, and swore to never marry or have a child - because of how "well" they did their job as parents.
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the waters of the womb. In other words, your real family is the people who love and are loved like family and not automatically whoever sired or birthed you. I hope things get better for you.
Load More Replies... Jayjay 6 months ago
Everyone arrives in this world in a "nature/nurture" DNA situation. When your parents never learned about how to treat others? they cannot teach you. Everyone has an assignment to overcome their past and how to avoid the pitfalls of your parents. You don't do that by denying them their existence. You do it by trying to find out how they grew up with their pitfalls. Then, you can forgive them for their failures and remind yourself not to repeat them.
Earonn - 6 months ago
So, the parents had no obligation to overcome their own s**t or at the very least be aware of it and either keep it to themselves or at the very, very least, mentioning it and apologising for it without the child having to ask for it?
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KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
You are also allowed to try a conversation about your childhood traumas and it will go one of two ways - outright denial and gaslighting (mom) or a clearer understanding of why you were perceived to be the black sheep (dad) oh - and how taking the blame for your older brother is not such a smart move as that too will get you blacklisted. It's been an epiphany for myself and my dad our newer relationship in older years.
#8
My therapist told me one time that I don’t always have to be the bigger person.
Paulina 6 months ago
I love this one! Yeah, we're taught to be polite, avoid conflict and try to mend things. But it doesn't mean that we always HAVE TO. Not only it's not my sole responsibility to fix a broken relationship, but also I can be an aßhole right back at someone who's AH to me. No one counts that, there is no tally that says whether you're a good person or bad. At times, it might feel better to bite back, than to "be a bigger person" and stay polite. And that's OK.
🇺🇦 🇵🇸 TribbleThinking 6 months ago
It's often used as a method to gaslight people into ignoring the fact that someone has wronged them. Have you read the "Relationships" section of this site?
Load More Replies... #9
My therapist told me that I should consider that people may want to be around me just because they actually like me and not because of what I could do for them.
Helena 6 months ago
People are around me strictly for what I can do for them. The false flattery before the request, dead give away.
Jayjay 6 months ago
Then... just walk away! Take the flattery and deny the request :).
Load More Replies... She has come to some revelations during therapy, too, which she kindly agreed to share with us.
"One of the biggest for me was realizing how much of my life had been shaped by doing 'the responsible thing.' I chose a science degree in undergrad, not because I loved it, but because the job market felt stable. I got married young, had a child young, and eventually found myself feeling unfulfilled by choices that were practical but not truly aligned with what I wanted," Anderson shares.
"It was through therapy that I finally said out loud what I think I had always known deep down: I wanted to become a therapist. But that meant going back to school with a baby at home, and it felt incredibly daunting. With support, I was able to start making brave choices instead of just safe ones. Now I’m a therapist, and sometimes I honestly can’t believe I get to live this life I once only dreamed about."
#10
You can just leave the room/house/place when someone is yelling at you and won’t stop.
Rosecat 6 months ago
I asked my father if he could do me a favor, instead of saying no like a normal person, he started yelling. It was so empowering for me to just be able to end the call right then and there. Another instance, he'd promised to give my husband a ride to work. We were arguing over the phone for something unrelated, I told him that I wanted to end the call, he was like "No, you need to stay there and listen to me!" So I said "Actually I don't", and just ended the call. The fact that I didn't wanna just accept his yelling and disrespect, made him so mad that he told me to tell my husband to find a different ride.
Paulina 6 months ago
This is surprisingly rare knowledge, judging from how many people describe endless fights & the need to get to "conclusion" with someone in conflict. It's perpetuated by those ridiculous internet rules like "don't go to bed angry", "there's always a compromise you can reach", etc. NOPE. Not everything deserves to get fixed, and you can always opt out of the situation.
Beak Hookage 6 months ago
I really wish my neighbour would figure this one out because I'm SO sick of listening to the screaming and yelling all g*****n day and often in the middle of the night as well.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
I'd be tempted to call in a domestic incident so the cops become aware of this before it escalates in the only way it will.
Load More Replies... #11
If you struggle eating because you don't have energy to make a sandwich, you can just.. Eat the sandwich ingredients. Like a handful of lunch meat. A slice of cheese. You don't have to put it together.
Caitlin Youngquist 6 months ago
Honestly, even if someone gives me a sandwich I take it apart and eat it this way.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
Ham or cheese or ham AND cheese slices make decent bread substitutes.
#12
That I need to stop trying to make logic out of things that never came from a place of logic to begin with.
Bi.Felicia 6 months ago
Some of these are really hitting home with me. I need to try and implement this myself.
SchadenFreudian Psychology 6 months ago
You don’t need to figure out everything. You don’t have to understand everything. Everything does not have to make sense all the time. The sooner you really believe this and live it, the less stressed out you will be.
Anderson believes that the revelations she and others have had in therapy probably couldn't have been reached on their own.
"Therapy gave me a space I had found nowhere else. Being able to sit with someone trained to understand and support the complexities of my life allowed me to access insight I don’t think I could have unlocked on my own," she says.
#13
How about that chronic people pleasing is actually a form of manipulation.
Britt
People pleasing is just trying to control the emotions of others so you don't have to feel uncomfortable.
Michelle C 6 months ago
That’s partially true. The other thing I’ve noticed is that some people focus on people pleasing in order to protect themselves from rejection and abuse like they experienced when they were children, perhaps without even realizing it.
Nina 6 months ago
That's what they mean with the "manipulation" bit, pleasing others to not have them direct negative emotions towards you. Manipulation has a negative connotation, but if you look at it without pre-conceived notions, it is influencing someone to make them do or not do something.
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Kim Kermes 6 months ago
Feels a little blamey to me, given the connotation of the word. In some sense, every interaction is manipulative. I see it more as a desperate effort to protection against poor treatment after a history of such.
Rebecca Shave 6 months ago
This isn’t true, people pleasing is a trauma response ! This narrative is really dangerous and can damage people further
Smudger Smibson 6 months ago
It can also be a response to threat (real and perceived ) where we feel fear and have the survival responses of fight, flight, freeze, fawn (tend and befriend), and flop to help us deal with the threat. People pleasing is found especially in a*****e relationships or where a person has had a particularly difficult childhood and so 'please to placate' others so they themselves aren't hurt.
Paul Kiernan 6 months ago
So that's what I've been doing, and here's me thinking it was something else all along
#14
Anytime you feel angry, it’s probably another emotion. Anger puts you in control and feels safe, but you’re likely sad, anxious, neglected, etc. anger just feels better.
Child of the Stars 6 months ago
I've realized that basically all of my surface emotions stem from 3 basic ones: fear, grief, or contentment.
angelmomoffour62 6 months ago
Anger makes me feel miserable. I have to change how I feel otherwise I will have a bad day...
Evelien Stijger Martens 6 months ago
It doesn't feel better, its the only emotion i lknow how to reach. I oftel tell that im scared, but nobody beleaves that
person (i think) 6 months ago
Ha ha ha, I had to be told kind of the opposite. I don’t think I’m angry at much, just some other emotion, and my therapist had to get me consider that it could actually be anger underlying some of the things. (Which was true)
Fluffy Cat Sleeps 6 months ago
I wasn't allowed to be angry my entire childhood. If I feel actual anger now, it's anger and it's legit.
#15
'Rest is productive' - with chronic illness it sounds so simple. But my therapist was pointing out that my trauma taught me that to receive any form of care/love I had to do something to earn it.
BrunoVI 6 months ago (edited)
It's actually bizarre when you realize just how many theological disputes in Christianity, including the ones that ended up with millions of dead people, boil down to what even the combatants would readily admit and even preach were their own struggles to learn this lesson well. Case in point: Luther: "I need to know God loves me without earning it!" Catholics: "But we still need to know how to accept our sinfulness without ditching responsibility for acting like a******s!"
Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
I've accomplished a lot. But I don't HAVE to accomplish anything to earn my continued existence.
#16
I'm procrastinating not because I'm lazy but a perfectionist and don't take action because I could fail.
Helena 6 months ago
I procrastinate because first my brain has to marinate whatever it is and arrange the jenga pieces before I can start. Once I've thoroughly thought it through it doesn't take long to finish whatever it is.
amy lee 6 months ago
That's excellent Helena, that's exactly what you're supposed to do. Take time to plan before taking action. Not all action is equal! Working smart is the best way to work!
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Freddy M. (He/Him) 6 months ago
Saying someone is lazy is like saying someone died of old age, it's very unspecific and there's always an underlying cause. Added into that is the negative connotations that it carries which makes it not a productive word to use, it's only use is to make someone feel bad, not to point out what's wrong and help correct it
Joy 6 months ago
Perfectionists can't fail because everything they do is perfectly aligned even mistakes because they contribute to learning and getting better. So what's being described here isn't perfectionism but fear and fear is far from perfect. So kick fear to the kerb and take a chance to do something, anything, and observe yourself each step of the way how perfectly YOU take action as only you can. Do that and you'll realise the only 'fail' is not doing and that you're perfectly perfect as you are.
"That said, I deeply believe that healing doesn’t only happen in therapy. We both hurt and heal in relationships, and places of community, whether through friendship, support groups, or even spaces like TikTok, can also be incredibly powerful. Sometimes the right words or a shared experience at the right time can open something in us. Therapy simply offers a consistent and intentional space to do that work with someone who can walk alongside you," Anderson concludes.
#17
She did NOT hold my hand when telling me I have severe CPTSD and having to cook my own meals and take care of myself at 8 years old was not normal and was in fact ✨ neglect ✨
ROSESARERED 6 months ago
I was making meals for my family at 8...it's hard being forced to grow up too early, and harder to not try and control things because that was the lesson learnt.
Helena 6 months ago
Well c**p. I've been taking care of myself and my sister since kindergarten. Mom tried, but mostly she was a single mom who worked many crappy jobs at once so we could have a babysitter that slept while watching us. So I watched my sister, cleaned the kitchen, found something for us to eat. Bandaged boo boos. Later administered medicine.
#18
Self-sabotage is a form of control.
Jayjay 6 months ago
or borderline, a disorder that is probably not even psychiatric, just like ADHD, autism, even schizofrenia, are not psychiatric disorders but neurological. Just wait a few years on when they finally can prove the neurology of supposed behavioural and developmental disorders.
Load More Replies... Evelien Stijger Martens 6 months ago
I thinh K oeople that do that don't know how to deal with things if they actualy went good.
keyboardtek 6 months ago
Having chronic health issues can create a psychological problem where one uses a health issue to get sympathy and attention.
Gunný Petersen 6 months ago
My dear husband is a master in self sabotage and it's never ending trying to help him. His mother is 100% to blame.
#19
I don't need my parents to get better for me to get better, and their issues aren't mine to solve.
knegret3 6 months ago
Creating boundaries with your parents can be one of the most difficult things we as adults can undertake, but it's so incredibly important to do it anyway. But by doing so, we can start learning what it feels like to be an autonomous adult and not stand in the shadow of the people who should have been there for us but weren't.
Gunný Petersen 6 months ago
I'm 45 and it was just last year that I put boundaries because of my father's alcoholism. It was when he was trying to get my daughter involved in his problems. That's when we went NC for awhile. I can't help someone that doesn't want help. And neither can my loving daughter. She loves her grandpa very much but she will not have to see the things I have seen. Just no!
Load More Replies... #20
When my therapist told me that neglect wasn’t just parents not being around…and that I was clearly neglected as a child.
Little Bit 6 months ago
True. Your parents can be there in person 24/7 but can still neglect you emotionally and invalidate your feelings and opinions.
StretcherBearer 6 months ago (edited)
Growing up this was the bare minimum. Your parents were around and they didn't beat your kids or your spouse senseless (as far as anyone knew) was congruent to stable, good home life. And if abuse happened it was a private matter not to get involved in. So much silent hell.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
My mother's own father asking my father to come and get us out of his daughter's house because of neglect and alcoholism. Boarding school made the next couple of years much more stable.
#21
"Is the situation a 'fire' or a 'picture of a fire'." Cus anxiety will tell you THEY'RE THE SAME DAMN THING.
knegret3 6 months ago
There's that old saying that if you want to feel shame, think about the past. If you want to feel fear, think about the future, because that's all anxiety really is... it's us thinking about the future and creating an imagined scenario that may or may not happen. It's not the think itself that causes the anxiety but our thoughts about it. Our brain can sometimes be our enemy. 😵
Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Or thinking about the present and developing scenarios in your head you believe are going on at that moment. That's the first one that put me in the psych ward.
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Child of the Stars 6 months ago
I've learned that while it's true that "feelings are not facts," they do tell me how I feel about a situation. Then I can bring my feelings to a manageable level, which makes the facts of the situation much more manageable themselves.
Ge Po 6 months ago
Anxiety is the fear that trouble may come. Problem is, that expecting trouble will cause such a rush of hormones raging through your head and block so much of the brains capacity, that the chance this may be true will increase considerably. Which gives the anxiety a warped legitimacy, which will make it harder to resist next time around.
#22
Observe don't absorb.
#23
It’s ok to take the shortcut. Meal planning is too much today? Eat out. Don’t want to spend $$$. Taco Bell tastes good when no one is watching.
Deborah B 6 months ago
Have a food-is-too-hard go-to so you don't have to think. Carrot sticks and hummus is fine. You are allowed to just grab a sleeve of crackers and the peanut butter jar and dip crackers in PB. A piece of buttered toast with a slice of ham is good. Not everyone has the mental energy to do meal prep.
Child of the Stars 6 months ago
During a severe depressive episode a while back, I googled "healthy depression foods" and it was all stuff like that. My appetite plummets during an episode, and those foods helped me to keep my weight healthy until I was better.
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Multa Nocte 6 months ago
However, we are not saying that at the end of the evening that you will always be free of repercussions.
Another Panda 6 months ago
Heheheheh. I (and others around me) are familiar with those percussions.
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BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
This one is tricky as a single parent. I cannot allow a depressive episode to effect my children's wellbeing. I still have to make dinner, and pack their lunches for school, and make sure they shower, brush their teeth, chaperone their field trips, etc. We put one foot in front of the other because we must. Because the consequences of not doing so are so much worse.
Linley Lou 6 months ago
I have a hard time being motivated to eat decent food, cereal for dinner...yep
jonesnori 6 months ago
Cereal can be a healthy part of your diet. It depends on the cereal and what you add to it.
Load More Replies... Ge Po 6 months ago
Two or three (at least 50%) wholegrain sandwiches with preferable at least something green or red (cucumber, tomato/paprika) will do as a meal, on occasion. So does a ready-made-salad with ready-to-eat chicken slices and mayonnaise, from the grocery store. You can call it Caesar Salad if you like. Cheaper and just as fast as take-out.
#24
The way others treat you or view you rarely ever has to do with you. It’s typically a reflection of their own hatred for themselves, life, their conditionings, trauma. Be free. Be you. 🖤👐🏼
Multa Nocte 6 months ago
I would watch this one and not take it to heart. Sometimes you ARE the a*****e and you need to look at the situation. The last thing a toxic person needs to hear is that all the problems in the world are due to someone else.
sturmwesen 6 months ago
yeah...if you tell that to my brother he will just tell you all about the evil step mom, a*****e boss, job stealing/not working migrants, b***h sister (me), evil state, etc. all we do is make his life hell by expecting punctuality, common decency and average adulting
Load More Replies... Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
Projection. Actually, learn all the defenses and just the personality disorders and you can figure anyone out.
#25
Sometimes the feeling that you need to control everything is controlling you.
#26
The reason you have a hard time respecting men is because you’ve never had a man respect you.
HelyerT 6 months ago
I had zero respect for men. I’d treat them like they treat women, sleep with them , never call, etc. I had therapy. Met an amazing man. Was hard to actually be respectful than to be act respectful. I hate my father. I was punishing men for what he did. I’m very conscious now after therapy that they have feelings that are valid and to be treated kindly. Thank god for therapy. I messaged the ones I could find to apologise. I never got a reply. It’s ok. I hope they’re happy where they are.
Ge Po 6 months ago
Not sure why you got a down vote? I am glad you found a way to work through what was done to you and be able to see how other people with the same characteristics (men in your case) can be totally different. My respect for trying to make amends, when you felt you were the one who did someone wrong. Hope you are doing well.
Load More Replies... GalPalAl 6 months ago
I love my father and have a healthy relationship with him. I seems to always find men who remind me of my mother and have never had a successful romantic relationship with men. I find that mos of them are not interested in a relationship or would rather sow their oats. So I gave up.
#27
“They kept trying to put you in a box that you were never meant to fit in.” On how I always felt like I was “too much.”
Seabreeze 6 months ago
I feel like this with my personality. I spent 8 years straight out of high school in a very professional job. Because of this, I masked my personality SO much. "Professional jobs are no place for jokes, or actual personality."(No joke, what I was taught in that position) Now that Im out, and in a completely different field, I feel like I can be myself, loud, energetic, cracking jokes, just having a good time in general, but constantly go home and second guess how I acted. like "Was this too much, did I laugh too loud, should I have apologized for being me?" Its hard to find the balance.
Nichole Harris 6 months ago
Then your family is a bunch of idiots and you can stay with me whenever
Load More Replies... #28
That sometimes if you meet someone and your mental health is worse around them it’s because you actually feel safe with them. (If they ain’t toxic obvi)
#29
Emotional regulation. Not everything needs a major reaction even though you are in Fight or flight mode.
Mel in Georgia 6 months ago
Fight, flight, freeze and fawn (try to appease the one causing the fear).
Load More Replies... Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
Aim for a middle response. Your normal response may be to go 0 mph or 100 mph. Choose 55. Now use that tool for everything.
Load More Replies... #30
That it is actually selfish to not let people who want to help, help you.
Bi.Felicia 6 months ago
Well that depends on who wants to 'help' me and if that 'help' comes with any strings attached.
Annabelle 6 months ago
This. I was deeply manipulated by someone who used this very type of line on me. Makes me sick thinking how well they knew it worked.
Load More Replies... Paul Kiernan 6 months ago
This is saving me a fortune on therapy, another few of these and I'll be " cured "
Little Bit 6 months ago
I've been let down so many times by people who have offered to help and then immediately run for the hills that I just got used to doing everything for myself. I think I'm too set in my ways now to change. At least I've only got myself to blame when things go wrong.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
What if they can't though? There are times when even the best intentions are not going to help in a specific trauma situation that you are wildly unprepared for and have no experience of.
#31
Had been carrying a lot of guilt for years, and all she said was “it wasn’t in your control, you were a kid” with a very concerned facial expression…the guilt immediately went away.
Earonn - 6 months ago
I watched that movie with friends and in that scene...suddenly I realised that a part of me always blamed childhood me for the neglect from my mother. And that IT WAS NOT MY FAULT. I ran out of the room, crying. My friends first thought I just had ran for the loo, but when it took too long, they came for me. That was the second great thing about that evening: they came for me, they worried, they cared. I didn't had to ask them to come. I owe that movie, big time!
Load More Replies... #32
Sometimes you confuse intuition with intrusive thoughts.
#33
Overworking is a trauma response.
Bonnie Blue Bird 6 months ago
Yes, because many were taught from narcissists that love and acceptance were transactionary. If I do things for you then you will love me in return if I do not do something love is taken away. Love shouldn't have a price tag.
#34
You’re laughing about it now, but there is a version of you that is crying.
Ellinor 6 months ago
Haha, well I've evolved because I do both at the same time ! Depression is an art.
Paul Kiernan 6 months ago
You are so right 🙏 and we don't even get an awards show every year
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adi cosmin 6 months ago
There was the FRIENDS episode where Phoebe dates a shrink who tells Chandler: "I'd hate to be there when the laughter stops." As a clown who will mock everything in their way, that phrase has been haunting me for about 20 years.
#35
The anxiety you feel when someone’s angry at you is their energy and not your own and you don’t have to claim it.
#36
I said “I’m afraid I’ll die alone” and he said “you might.” 😂
Child of the Stars 6 months ago
It's a legitimate response. Coming to accept that not everything will come out like I want it to was a HUGE step for me.
Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
And it frees you to begin to take rational steps that make it less likely to come to pass. In this case, make friends, join a church . . . .
Load More Replies... BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
I'd much rather die alone, and in my sleep. If I'm going out with a whole bunch of other people, something has seriously gone wrong.
#37
That I kept failing at things because it was subconscious self sabotage because it wasn’t actually what I wanted to be doing with my life.
#38
“Should” is, quite often, an agent of shame.
BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
There's another side to this coin though. I have learned that when people say "I can't" what they really mean is "I won't". Similarly, I have learned to stop saying "I can't" when what I really mean is "I won't". That last bit is a really liberating experience. I can't fly by flapping my arms, sure. But I won't help you right now, because I am busy with this other thing. If you say "I can't", well it can be argued that you can. If you say "I won't", there is no more argument, a boundary has been set.
#39
Anger is hurt’s bodyguard.
#40
Resentment is what you feel when someone crossed a boundary you never communicated with them.
Debby Keir 6 months ago (edited)
Some boundaries are universal and should not need stating. A child can't say my boundaries are no hitting or SA, but they too will feel resentful and scared.
BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
No, I feel resentment when somebody crosses a boundary that I very explicitly communicated. Otherwise, the only person I can be mad at is myself, for not communicating my boundaries.
#41
When you're trying to discern what’s real or true for you: “Anxiety screams, intuition whispers.”
#42
When overthinking a choice/decision just pick one and when you start doubting just say "I've made my choice and accept the consequences. All choices have consequences; I've decided with the least harmful ones to me."
Kelly H. Wilder 6 months ago
I expected the flip a coin strategy from TBBT. Flip a coin, if you are disappointed with the result, you were subconsciously hoping for the other option. (Thank you, Sheldon!)
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#43
All of my anxiety stems from fear of getting in trouble or being called out, so childhood stuff, and it was pretty easy to let go of once I realized.
knegret3 6 months ago
Getting in trouble in our house meant that my mom would rip us apart verbally, and she wasn't done until we were filled with shame for some real or imagined slight. This is something I've been working on because it's so ingrained in my body.
Little Bit 6 months ago
I didn't even need to do anything wrong to get into trouble. If my mother was having a bad day she would just take it out on me and scream and shout until she reduced me to tears, and then she'd have another go at me for crying. I grew up walking on eggshells around her. Some days I hardly dared to breathe. Even now, decades later, I'm terrified of messing up or doing something wrong.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Mostly true of me but so far 100% impossible to let go of. 56 years of conditioning is tough to overcome.
#44
Radical Acceptance changed my life.
emily_marie91
Remove your emotions/past ruminating/future anxiety about something that happened to you, and accept it as a fact and don't analyse why/how etc.
Sanne:
I'm a therapist and a client made a keychain for me with radical acceptance because she hated it at first but helped her the most. I love it!! (Both Radical acceptance and the keychain)
BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
Yeah, that's poorly stated at best. Rather than remove your emotions, you should accept your emotions. That this is how this situation felt, and then move past that. Not all situations will need to feel the same way. Not even similar situations need to feel the same way. Every act and consequence is something that you have control over how you feel about it, even if you don't have control over the situation. The point isn't so much to remove yourself from the situation, but to accept that the thing happened. There is nothing that you can do about it now, and you are still okay. But to understand that the situation which caused pain need not repeat itself.
Load More Replies... #45
Anger stems from fear. Now when I get angry I ask myself what about the situation scares me and it helps me better sort out of my feelings.
Little Bit 6 months ago
Anger stems from fear. I guess that explains why my ex-husband was always angry and I was s**t scared of him.
BeesEelsAndPups 6 months ago
This likely won't be very consoling, but for what it's worth, he is a scared little baby. He's terrified of his own insecurities, and he lashes out with anger because it's the only way he can feel control. I'm VERY glad you took control and got out of that marriage. I hope he drowns in his insecurities without hurting anyone else.
Load More Replies...
#46
Anxiety is grief. If I can say what am I sad about it pops the balloon of anxiety.
Joy 6 months ago
It's why crying is cathartic. A release. Plus acknowledging difficult emotions can prevent them from settling into our nervous systems like slow dripping concrete.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago (edited)
Can I say that dedicating a preplanned weekend of utter grief, despair, rage and ugly crying was a hell of a cathartic thing for me a few months ago. I lost 5 last year and it hurt in varying degrees from blase to really angry (sober fall from 2nd floor) and 3 others that hit so hard I could barely breathe some nights crying. So I allowed myself to be all those extreme emotions in a safe place with HMs keeping in check every once in a while. It still hurts but I'm less angry and more able to deal with the moment but allow time for tears later. New pillows soon...
Load More Replies... Child of the Stars 6 months ago
And grief doesn't stem only from the physical death of a loved one. Humans grieve over any kind of change: a move, changing jobs, even changing something as seemingly small as getting a different haircut or replacing that old sofa. Change on any level is hard, and it's okay to grieve the end of something.
#47
Anxious attachment isn’t about your partner but your parents.
Ren Karlej 6 months ago
This Be The Verse, a poem by Philip Larkin. They f**k you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had and add some extra, just for you. But they were f****d up in their turn by fools in old-style hats and coats, who half the time were soppy-stern and half at one another’s throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, and don’t have any kids yourself.
Load More Replies...
Ann Kapoxeet 6 months ago
But my kids will be perfect because I fixed all the problems of my parents! Bhaahaa! I can't believe I used to actually think that.
#48
I'm a human BEING. Not a human DOING.
Pink kitty 6 months ago
I think this from "The Simpsons". The episode where everyone ends up doing what they feel like and the ferris wheel breaks and rolls away because the guy who should have prevented that, didn't feel like doing his job
#49
What I thought was me coping well with my cptsd was actually intellectualizing and I talk a lot but not every about myself. I was an illusion and not a person to a lot of people, even me.
#50
“No reflecting after 9pm.”
Bi.Felicia 6 months ago
If I knew how to shut my adhd brain off, especially after 9pm, I probably wouldn't need as much therapy.
Another Panda 6 months ago
This. A lot of the really great thoughts here (especially about anxiety, self-sabotage) have very different (or huge additional) factors at play when you are neurodivergent.
Load More Replies... 
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
Sure, you tell my insomnia brain that when I am trying to not be awake or watch something that will keep pandora's box quiet for the night...
#51
Don’t believe everything you think.
#52
Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling.
#53
99% of our problems really do come from our parents and how we were raised.
Theora Fifty-five Johnson 6 months ago
A big part of that is genetics; and a lot of how they raised you is how they were raised.
#54
Everyone has sick thoughts, weird thoughts, disturbing thoughts and random thoughts. The human brain thinks tens of thousands of thoughts a day.
#55
When you feel shame about certain things, who is the one talking to you when you hear the shame in your head? I can bet it's not you who just created the shame around this thing.
#57
My mom's a narcissistic a**ser and I’ve been wasting my time for 34 of trying to impress her.
#58
My therapist said he was going to stop treatment until I moved out of the house with my ex because you cannot heal until you have peace in your home (he didn’t actually but it made me move out).
#59
My dad still sees me as the age of when my parents got divorced. He’s stuck in that trauma so he sees me as the same 13year old. I’m 26.
#60
Mine told me when you have that “I want to go home” feeling when you’re already home, it’s usually your subconscious wanting the comfort you had during infancy. Being swaddled, held, etc.
#61
Just recently I was upset that someone treated me badly and I said it sucked bc they knew those things would hurt me. The therapist goes, "They haven't thought about the way you feel in six months."
#62
‘What do you like to do?’ Drew a blank ‘okay, well what do you feel skilled at?’ Anything I could think of, I only engaged in for someone else's benefit.
#63
Choose ur thoughts like shoes. Cuz thoughts create emotions - emotions never come out of nowhere. You have the power to choose.
#64
There is no such thing as “NEGATIVE emotions”. ALL emotions are useful, because they help you realise how stuff influences you. You have the RIGHT to be angry, as long as you use this as information to deal with problems, instead of letting the anger control your actions.
#65
Perfectionists tend to judge others based on actions, but themselves based on intent. Giving themselves a pass because they ‘meant well’.
#66
That the only way to break generational trauma cycles is by refusing to live with secrets- the day I refused to do anything in life that I would be ashamed of the world knowing, I began to heal.
#68
That all of my self destructive behaviour is really anger at others I'm not allowing myself to feel.
#69
You can't rationalise OCD thoughts- hence why CBT won't work. The more you try to think through them, the more you feed the beast.
#70
That all the guilt I carry with me is misplaced, not mine to carry and not my shame to feel. Still working through that.
#71
I don’t have to tell everyone every mistake I make, most of them I can keep to myself.
#73
My therapist always reassured me that I'm doing enough and that i can live my life at my own pace. I don't have to be at the same point in life as my friends just because we‘re the same age. It's my life. I can do whatever I want.
#74
The reason why my mom overly smothers me despite not doing it to my other siblings isn't bc she thinks I'm incapable. It's bc she had postpartum depression and feels guilty.
#75
Having trust issues more than anything means you don’t trust yourself but you’re comfortable with disappointing yourself over others.
#76
That people have to actually sit with their feelings. Apologies are great but that doesn't mean they won't still be feeling angry for a bit.
#77
I have to constantly be achieving something in order to feel like my life is worth living or I’m stuck in limbo clueless. First gen immigrant daughter btw if anyone cares for the reason iykyk.
#79
My therapist called me deceptive. Not to be confused with manipulative. But, deceptive. I’ve never stopped thinking about it. Read me for filth.
#80
"You attract the emotionally unavailable because you too are, in many ways, emotionally unavailable". Those were fighting words.
#82
My therapist said “who’s the most judgmental person you know?” I said “my mother.” And she said frustratedly “NO!!! YOU!!” 😂😂😂
#83
That I label people as “forever” in my head so I act in a way that will make that outcome happen while neglecting my needs and not letting the relationship go it’s natural course.
#84
You have no inner monologue so without that distraction you access memories and thoughts faster so you get irrationally angry at how slow you think everyone else is moving, but they're not.
CD Mills 6 months ago
It's next to impossible for me to comprehend that some people have no inner voice/monologue. How do they not go crazy?
Zaach 6 months ago
I was stunned to find out that some people have daydreams so real that things happen while she not there!!!?
Load More Replies... #85
That I am unable to make decisions on my own without getting the opinions of others first. Not sure it’s insane but I didn’t realize I was doing it til it was mentioned…😳
#87
“The things we don’t like about others, are the qualities we don’t like about ourselves.” This BLEW my mind.
#88
I thought most of my issues came from my sister having cancer as a kid. Turns out, if she hadn’t been sick, I would still feel this way, cause my parents were emotionally unavailable my whole life…
#89
ED is basically the patriarchy trying to keep women small.
Michael Largey 6 months ago
I was thinking ED stood for "Erectile Dysfunction" until I got to the end of the sentence.
Load More Replies... #90
We are never the victim, we always play a part in our own suffering.
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What do you think ?
Skywitness 6 months ago
My neighbor's daughter had therapy in her 20s. It revealed that her dad had m**ested her when she was 14 and stopped at 16. The mother confronted the POS father and he tried to blame the daughter. Divorce and pending incarceration for the dad. All 4 kids hate their father so much one has changed his name. I wish nothing but hardship for the offender.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
I'm glad mom stepped in. How horrible for all of them.
Load More Replies... Rebecca Shave 6 months ago
Urgh! It makes me worry about my profession when I read stuff like this. Half of what’s been written makes the therapist feel better that they’re ‘helping’ and isn’t about the client at all…
Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
I don't agree. Work with a client on one idea per session and you've got a year of therapy with each client. Add guided imagery every 7-10 sessions. Your wait lists will always be filled. Flesh it out and publish a self help guide. With flash cards. Join the august company of John Bradshaw and Brene Brown. Get really wealthy.
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 6 months ago
So here is one I think is usefull if you are overthinking, second guessing or panicing: she told me to have a conversation with myself where I am my best friend additionally to my self... in the sense that I vent to myself and answer myself as if it wasn't me venting but my best friend. example: me1: I googled and I am sure it's a deadly desease. me2: you can't do anything right now, so go to sleep and if you are still freaking out in 3 days make an appointment at your doctor. we got this and you are not alone
Mel in Georgia 6 months ago
That's really good! Be your own understanding best friend!
Load More Replies... Paulina 6 months ago
My favorite is about conflict: ✨You don't have to play their game.✨ At the time it was about my parents getting angry with one of my decisions. Per usual, they were trying to guilt me into changing it, expected me to explain my logic to them & apologize for the fact they were upset. And my therapist said that I don't have to do any of that. It's deceptively simple 😅 What it means it's that my parents established a set of rules on how our conversation will work, and I was mindlessly following them - feeling guilty, trying to make them understand my choices, continuing to talk to them & try to resolve the issue. As a result I was feeling worse with every phone call. And that's because they set the rules that were never going to end up with me "winning"/feeling good - they were made specifically for them to get what they want. BUT! I never actually agreed to those rules! Once I saw the rules and realized the game was rigged, it also dawned on me that I don't have to play that game.
Paulina 6 months ago (edited)
So next time, I didn't waste my breath to explain myself to them or spent time trying to reason with them. I just said what my decision was and that it's not up for discussion. And I exited the game 🤷♀️ When they tried to guilt trip me some more (like: "your mother is crying because of you" or "you're a bad daughter because you're not respecting your parents"), I again refused to play their game by their rules, by saying that I don't appreciate them talking to me this way. Nothing about the initial decision that brought up the conflict, because I wasn't going to give them a chance to discuss its merits again. And I exited. They were furious, but I stood my ground. They threatened me with refusing financial aid (luckily I didn't need it), pouting, silent treatment... And I just didn't engage. Now I'm successfully using the "you don't have to play their game" with my parents and with every other situation, when I notice someone tries to manipulate me or simply uses arguments/tactics that set unequal balance in the conflict. I feel like now I have thicker skin and much, much more stable boundaries. Which in turn makes me get hurt less.
Load More Replies...
geezeronthehill 6 months ago
Never been in therapy. Something I could never afford. Looks like I'll go to my grave broken.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
One thing I learned was "weeds will break through concrete" and yes, when the weeds broke through my concrete mind bricks, they came hard. So instead of dealing at the time, I had to relive those experiences and it took months for me to deal with that all over again. Came close to losing my s**t and even checked myself into a psych ward for a night - not recommended unless you want an eye opening experience of how you might actually be a bit better than you think. I recommend therapy but just know that you are going to have to go through the trauma again and this will affect you for a while.
zerofoxgiven 6 months ago (edited)
Not therapy, but... I'm 29 and I realized that I say sorry for everything only like a year ago when a friend pointed it out. It's a reflex because my mother was always angry at me for just... existing. I sneeze and I say sorry because my mother always gave me an angry side-eye everytime I sneezed or coughed. I can't laugh without immediately saying sorry. Even nowadays when me and my dad are watching TV and laughing at something funny, my mom bursts in and goes "why are you laughing???". I have to say sorry everytime I breathe heavily (which is pretty often since I had severe asthma my whole life) bc my mother would always point out that it's annoyingly loud.
zerofoxgiven 6 months ago (edited)
Saying sorry all the time kinda became a reflex for me and my sister. And I only realized it last year, when I was playing online with a few friends, I absent mindedly started humming a song and when I realised, I stopped immediately and said sorry. A new friend of only a few months asked "why do you always say sorry for having fun?" To which an old friend of 10+ years replied "that's 'cause her mom made her this way." And I was like 🤯 Apparently all my close friends who know my mom realized this, but this was the first time someone pointed it out loudly. I still have this sorry-reflex but now I become conscious about it right after saying it.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Therapy's great. You get to yell at someone for an hour a week about the doofuses who annoy you and get advice in response. It's like the paid tier of BP!
Skywitness 6 months ago
My neighbor's daughter had therapy in her 20s. It revealed that her dad had m**ested her when she was 14 and stopped at 16. The mother confronted the POS father and he tried to blame the daughter. Divorce and pending incarceration for the dad. All 4 kids hate their father so much one has changed his name. I wish nothing but hardship for the offender.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
I'm glad mom stepped in. How horrible for all of them.
Load More Replies... Rebecca Shave 6 months ago
Urgh! It makes me worry about my profession when I read stuff like this. Half of what’s been written makes the therapist feel better that they’re ‘helping’ and isn’t about the client at all…
Tommy DePaul 6 months ago
I don't agree. Work with a client on one idea per session and you've got a year of therapy with each client. Add guided imagery every 7-10 sessions. Your wait lists will always be filled. Flesh it out and publish a self help guide. With flash cards. Join the august company of John Bradshaw and Brene Brown. Get really wealthy.
Load More Replies... sturmwesen 6 months ago
So here is one I think is usefull if you are overthinking, second guessing or panicing: she told me to have a conversation with myself where I am my best friend additionally to my self... in the sense that I vent to myself and answer myself as if it wasn't me venting but my best friend. example: me1: I googled and I am sure it's a deadly desease. me2: you can't do anything right now, so go to sleep and if you are still freaking out in 3 days make an appointment at your doctor. we got this and you are not alone
Mel in Georgia 6 months ago
That's really good! Be your own understanding best friend!
Load More Replies... Paulina 6 months ago
My favorite is about conflict: ✨You don't have to play their game.✨ At the time it was about my parents getting angry with one of my decisions. Per usual, they were trying to guilt me into changing it, expected me to explain my logic to them & apologize for the fact they were upset. And my therapist said that I don't have to do any of that. It's deceptively simple 😅 What it means it's that my parents established a set of rules on how our conversation will work, and I was mindlessly following them - feeling guilty, trying to make them understand my choices, continuing to talk to them & try to resolve the issue. As a result I was feeling worse with every phone call. And that's because they set the rules that were never going to end up with me "winning"/feeling good - they were made specifically for them to get what they want. BUT! I never actually agreed to those rules! Once I saw the rules and realized the game was rigged, it also dawned on me that I don't have to play that game.
Paulina 6 months ago (edited)
So next time, I didn't waste my breath to explain myself to them or spent time trying to reason with them. I just said what my decision was and that it's not up for discussion. And I exited the game 🤷♀️ When they tried to guilt trip me some more (like: "your mother is crying because of you" or "you're a bad daughter because you're not respecting your parents"), I again refused to play their game by their rules, by saying that I don't appreciate them talking to me this way. Nothing about the initial decision that brought up the conflict, because I wasn't going to give them a chance to discuss its merits again. And I exited. They were furious, but I stood my ground. They threatened me with refusing financial aid (luckily I didn't need it), pouting, silent treatment... And I just didn't engage. Now I'm successfully using the "you don't have to play their game" with my parents and with every other situation, when I notice someone tries to manipulate me or simply uses arguments/tactics that set unequal balance in the conflict. I feel like now I have thicker skin and much, much more stable boundaries. Which in turn makes me get hurt less.
Load More Replies... geezeronthehill 6 months ago
Never been in therapy. Something I could never afford. Looks like I'll go to my grave broken.
KatSaidWhat 6 months ago
One thing I learned was "weeds will break through concrete" and yes, when the weeds broke through my concrete mind bricks, they came hard. So instead of dealing at the time, I had to relive those experiences and it took months for me to deal with that all over again. Came close to losing my s**t and even checked myself into a psych ward for a night - not recommended unless you want an eye opening experience of how you might actually be a bit better than you think. I recommend therapy but just know that you are going to have to go through the trauma again and this will affect you for a while.
zerofoxgiven 6 months ago (edited)
Not therapy, but... I'm 29 and I realized that I say sorry for everything only like a year ago when a friend pointed it out. It's a reflex because my mother was always angry at me for just... existing. I sneeze and I say sorry because my mother always gave me an angry side-eye everytime I sneezed or coughed. I can't laugh without immediately saying sorry. Even nowadays when me and my dad are watching TV and laughing at something funny, my mom bursts in and goes "why are you laughing???". I have to say sorry everytime I breathe heavily (which is pretty often since I had severe asthma my whole life) bc my mother would always point out that it's annoyingly loud.
zerofoxgiven 6 months ago (edited)
Saying sorry all the time kinda became a reflex for me and my sister. And I only realized it last year, when I was playing online with a few friends, I absent mindedly started humming a song and when I realised, I stopped immediately and said sorry. A new friend of only a few months asked "why do you always say sorry for having fun?" To which an old friend of 10+ years replied "that's 'cause her mom made her this way." And I was like 🤯 Apparently all my close friends who know my mom realized this, but this was the first time someone pointed it out loudly. I still have this sorry-reflex but now I become conscious about it right after saying it.
Load More Replies... Robert Beveridge 6 months ago
Therapy's great. You get to yell at someone for an hour a week about the doofuses who annoy you and get advice in response. It's like the paid tier of BP!
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