Yeah, we know a hospital isn't the most fun place to be in. The hallways are entrenched with that formaldehyde and cleaning product odor that's most likely to make you either sneeze or shiver from unpleasant memories. The silence here isn't as comfortable as that in a library but rather somewhat ominous and foreboding. And the nurses scuttling around in their soft-soled shoes, rushing to god knows where gives it a sense of dire urgency even though you might be there just for a measly blood test. And the doctors! Don't even get me started on them - they're the embodiment of an omnipresent power only carried by them and bad omens. However, there's one easy way to lighten up the atmosphere (yes, even at a hospital) and strip away the bad omens, I mean doctors, of their dark powers. I think you already know the answer, for it is, indeed, laughter. And what's a better combo than a good joke about the exact place you are in? Probably nothing, and if you're looking for comedic relief while waiting to drop off a stool sample, here's our list of the best hospital jokes ever! 

Not only does the hospital entity get laughed at in these written skits, but there are plenty of doctor jokes, nurse jokes, and even patient jokes on our roster, too. And why not - laughing at a hospital in its entirety is excellent but quite unspecific, and we do aim at covering all the bases for possible laughs, as niche as they might be. So, are you ready to laugh your hospital gown off? Well then, scroll on down below and meet the contestants to become the best hospital joke ever. Who'll decide their fate? Well, you, of course, by giving these silly jokes your vote! 

#1

As a Canadian. Every time I hear a bad joke about being Canadian... I go right to the Hospital and get my feelings checked for free.

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Izzy_
Community Member
1 month ago

Buuuuuurn! Lol nice one!

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#2

Kanye West was hospitalized... Our thoughts and prayers go out to the hospital staff at this difficult time.

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Ruby
Community Member
1 month ago

Our thoughts and prayers indeed lol

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#3

An American tourist in Australia got hit by a car. He woke up in a hospital with a doctor standing over him. He asked the doctor, "Did I come here to die?" The doctor replied, "Nah, mate, you came here yesterday."

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Laroo
Community Member
1 month ago

Ba dum tshh

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#4

Oh, sure. My friend donates a kidney to the City Hospital, and he's treated like some hero. I donate five kidneys to the hospital and I get arrested.

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Pipe Kasuko
Community Member
1 month ago

Exactly how does one come about with ownership of 5 kidney's? Serial killer, with a conscience! XD

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#5

I’m in the hospital. Everyone should know… The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name.

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Robert T
Community Member
1 month ago

*snort laugh*

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#6

I was at the hospital and I walked into a surgeon’s office.

“Can I help you?” He asked.

“I keep thinking that I’m a moth.” I replied.

“You probably want a Psychiatrist for that.”

“Yeah, I know.”

He looked confused. “Then why are you here?”

“The light was on.”

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J Hunter
Community Member
1 month ago

For the most convoluted version please see Norm Mcdonald’s “Moth goes into a podiatrist’s office”

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#7

My son called me today, telling me he was in the hospital... I told him to stop letting me know. He’s been a doctor for 12 years.

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Furmama0501
Community Member
1 month ago

Getting started early with his dad jokes.

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#8

Oh my goodness. First my wife is in hospital, and now my daughter! Then again... I guess that's just how childbirth works.

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Kathryn Burnett
Community Member
1 month ago

This is a straight up dad joke.

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#9

Doctor: "Your wife is in hospital!"

Me: "How is she?"

Doctor: "I'm afraid she's critical."

Me: "Oh, you get used to that."

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Josh Stevenson
Community Member
1 month ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Hahahaha....JK... sexist joke that hasn't aged well

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#10

A man was admitted to hospital after swallowing 6 plastic horses. His condition has been described as stable.

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Red Hair Blue Soul
Community Member
1 month ago

So a horse walks into a man...

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#11

Person: "Sorry to bother you, but what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?"

Stranger: "Oh, just go stand in the middle of the road."

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Elijah
Community Member
1 month ago

Lol

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#12

Overheard this at the hospital:

Phlebotomist: "I’m here to draw some blood."

Patient: "But I just received blood yesterday."

Phlebotomist: "You didn’t think you’d get to keep it, did you?"

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Leah Reid
Community Member
1 month ago

This one was cute and should higher on the list.

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#13

Where’s the worst place to hide in a hospital?

The ICU.

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Auntriarch
Community Member
1 month ago

Aaarrrghhhh! Dad

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#14

A priest, rabbi, and minister all had to go to the hospital. Turns out, they got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much.

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Grace and Lucy
Community Member
1 month ago

Could add lawyers to the group.

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#15

What’s it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?

A midwife crisis.

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The Panarchist (They/He)
Community Member
1 month ago

Not the dad jokes- No more- Please-

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#16

What’s the most common type of surgery preformed at the Lego hospital?

Plastic surgery.

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Laroo
Community Member
1 month ago

If the surgery fails they rest in pieces.

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#17

Who is the nicest guy in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy.

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James
Community Member
1 month ago

Who’s the coolest guy in the hospital when the ultrasound guy isn’t there? The hip replacement guy.

#18

My wife gave birth in our car on the way to the hospital. I named him Carson.

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Snowfoxrox
Community Member
1 month ago

The second born was in a Van, Vanessa...

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#19

Because of a clerical error at the hospital we named both of our twin boys William. They billed us twice.

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FreshGanesh
Community Member
1 month ago

This should be higher

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#20

Proofreading an instruction manual for a hospital ventilator, I did a double take when I came across this questionable troubleshooting tip: "If the problem persists, replace patient immediately."

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KENOBI
Community Member
1 month ago

Whattttt???

#21

An unconscious pizza maker was admitted to the hospital. They called him John Dough.

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eff the haters
Community Member
1 month ago

I feel like there's a joke to be made about John doughn't

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#22

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

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Jason Marin
Community Member
1 month ago

When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord. He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the butt. Never slap Chuck Norris.

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#23

All I wanted to do was donate organs, but the hospital were being awkward about it. They kept asking me where I got them and threatened to call the police.

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Ruby
Community Member
1 month ago

Lol

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#24

As soon as the hospital made me put on one of those little gowns… I knew the end was in sight.

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Auntriarch
Community Member
1 month ago

Bummer

#25

What is the price on a human life?

The hospital bill.

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Laroo
Community Member
1 month ago

Not here *smugly basks in the fact we get free health care*

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#26

Three patients with bipolar disorder are talking in a mental hospital. The first, who's in a manic episode, starts talking about his quest to find God. The second, who's severely depressed, says they don't believe in God. The third, who's in a mixed episode, says, "That's ok, I don't believe in myself either."

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Disgruntled Panda
Community Member
1 month ago

Not quite in the right order but the joke is fun

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#27

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, “I know, I amputated your arms.”

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Marea Lewis
Community Member
1 month ago

I don’t really get this one.

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#28

The actor refused to get his broken leg treated at the hospital… Claiming he was already a cast member.

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Jamaria Perdomo
Community Member
1 month ago

I bet they told him to break a leg

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#29

I got hospitalized for my SpongeBob addiction. They put me in the Squid ward.

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Scott Crowell
Community Member
1 month ago

No it's Patrick!

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#30

Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital… Twice.

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Ladonna Boyd
Community Member
1 month ago

But weather someone thinks the best of someone you can't tell someone they r wrong. Everyone as much as u may hate it has a right to say what they think

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