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#1
Why are there pyramids in Egypt?
They were too heavy to steal and put in a British museum.
The Radio Demon 3 years ago
"Oi mate why can't we take the right old bugger out of here" "Because it's too heavy" "P!SS OFF MATE I DO WOT I WANT"
somegirlwho 3 years ago
Well of course the British would want to take them. Egypt is in Africa, so Egyptians are obviously incapable of taking care of their art/artifacts/etc all by their primitive selves. I mean just look at how they erode and deteriorate a little more year after year sitting all out their alone in the sun day after day. The British are actually doing God's work by trying to take them. Egyptians should be trying to make them lighter to facilitate their preservation by the Brits. Egyptians are so ungrateful.
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Headless Roach 3 years ago
You're ok Buren? Haven't seen you since this post a week ago.
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RELATED:
#2
Isn't it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
Federico Guerrero-Isaza 3 years ago
We've already gotten a taste of what it's like to be in a historical event. I think were good.
#3
I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Rebels, actually. You're only the traitors when you lose.
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Pandaroo 3 years ago
Australia here: no offence, but I am happy that we aren't in the empire with them
Pat Bond 3 years ago
Empire? That was gone after WW2. You are very much in the commonwealth, as King Charles III is the constitutional monarch of Australia, executive power is exercised by the Govenor-General as the Kings representative. The Govenor General is appointed by the King on the advice of the Australian Prime Minister.
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#4
It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
#5
Why does history keep repeating itself?
Because we weren’t listening the first time.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
“ Those who cannot remember the past ( history) are destined to repeat it. “ George Santayana, 1905.” Sadly, I can think of a few times that has happened at the cost of many lives!
#6
Swedish astronomer Andres Celcius died in 1744 at the age of 43. Though his rival, Fahrenheit, was convinced he was 103.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
I give your joke 98.6F and a 38C on the temp. scale. Cute, but not feverishly funny!🥵🌡️
#7
How do you get Americans to join a World War? Tell them it's nearly finished.
Nicole Weymann 3 years ago
Well, the Germans didn't invite them, the French were mostly done, and for the Russians "help" and "USA" are two entirely different and incompatible concepts 😏
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#8
Last night on Dancing with the Tsars, Peter and Catherine were great, but Ivan was terrible.
Katja Katze 3 years ago
Dmitri faked the whole performance! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_Dmitry_I
#9
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles' elbow.
Hestia Moon 3 years ago
*me with a literal illness called achillis heel and a Greek mythology nerd* w o w
#10
On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call. Moments later, he learned his auto warranty had expired.
#11
Russian history in 5 words: "And then things got worse."
#12
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars.
#13
Isaac Newton died a virgin. That means I have one up on history's greatest scientific genius.
Because I'm not dead.
ArodTheHorrible 3 years ago
Balancing the downvote. Someone must be grumpy today LOL
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#14
A Roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says, “Five beers, please!”
#15
And the Lord said unto John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
#16
My nerdy friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes. We now call him Dr. Awkward.
#17
My grandpa destroyed 12 German planes during WW2. He was, without a doubt, the worst mechanic in the history of Luftwaffe.
#18
What do you call a Medieval spy? Sir Veillance.
#19
A history degree is useless. Because there's no future in it.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Yes there is! Remember, those who don’t know history might repeat it! See previous comment.
#20
The floor is lava! Said everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.
Any 3 years ago
That only prooves they were pretty good at the game. *wink wink*
Load More Replies... #21
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But two Wrights did make an airplane!
Frank Hayes 1 year ago
the wrights had previously visited Lyman Gilmore, hoping he could assist with their rudder issues. Gilmore HAD an airplane and was using it to make deliveries as far as 200 miles away. He wasn't interested in patenting his ideas so they did. 'first in flight' baloney! A man in France made the first fully functioning airplane YEARS before Lyman Gilmore built his.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Did you know that President Theodore Roosevelt was the first prez. to fly? Flew with a Wright Bros. Test pilot, Arch Hoxsey on October 11,1910!✈️ No, the plane was not the original Air Force One!! Do you know which 1st lady was first to fly? Not telling’! Look it up like I did!
#22
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
The same middle name!
#23
What did Richard III say when a planning proposal was submitted for building a parking lot? “Over my dead body”
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
You really must know the story of Richard III to fully appreciate this joke! Also, the man was not a “hunchback” as Mr. Shakespeare would have us believe. He had “ Scoliosis” which is lateral or sideways curvature of the spine!🩻How do I know this? I am a nurse and I studied King Richard’s history which is maybe the most interesting of the British monarchs!👑Really!!!
#24
Between the Stone Age and the Bronze Age, there was The Copper Age... Back then, people really knew how to conduct themselves...
#25
A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on warfare. The librarian replies, “You’ll only lose it.”
gerard julien 3 years ago (edited)
"If you repeat a lie often enough, people will believe it, and you will even come to believe it yourself. If you tell a lie long enough, it becomes the truth." Joseph GOEBBELS. Pathetic joke made by pathetic people.
Thomas Bentley 3 years ago
I cant say i like goebbels the goblin, but at he was right about that,
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Donkey boi 3 years ago
I don't get it!?!?!?! Is this one of those opposite things? Like how we call my mate Paul (Who's massive) Little Paul? The French have the most successful military record in history.
Pandaroo 3 years ago
Not really. There is sweden, which was not invaded or conquered in I think 150 years. Also, I'm in australia, so I really cant talk, as we lost two wars to EMUS
Load More Replies... John Barber 3 years ago
Now THAT is funny. It's funny because it's true. Today's comedians could learn from this.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
I am curious. In what way is this true. If I look at French military history from any era between say 400 BC to the modern era, I do not see a country that loses often. France has been involved in more world conflicts than any country in history, and within those conflicts France has come out on top more often that not. Going back to the Frankish conquest of Gaul in the 3rd century BC. The expansion of Francia and establishment of the Holy Roman Empire under Clovis I and Charlemagne. France was the most powerful nation on earth at the end of the medieval period, having conquered most of mainland Europe and the foundation of the Carolingian Dynasty. The crusades were largely composed of French soldiers, which is why the "Lingua Franca" established under Christian Jerusalem was Old French. During the Renaissance and Enlightenment we see more French expansionism. Especially under Kings like Luise XIV and Napoleon. Then you have French colonial expansion, which was only matched by Brits.
Load More Replies... #27
It's amazing that the ancient Greek sculptors made statues without arms. I mean, how did they hold the tools?
#28
In a democracy, it's your vote that counts... ...and in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
#31
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Who reigned the longest? Victoria or Queen ElizabethII? I know! Look it up!
#32
What is Abraham Lincolns least favorite phone box? John Wilkes Booth.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Never, ever, should be jokes about a famous tragedy! I am studying the Civil War. I have found nothing funny in my readings!👎☹️
#33
How do you get rich in Ancient Greece? Well, step one, become an oracle. Step two: Prophet.
#34
To the many that have been ritually sacrificed by Aztec kings... My heart goes out to you.
#35
Haegel, Nietzsche and Aristotle walk into a bar... Why?
#36
No one should have been surprised by the rise of the USSR after World War II. I mean, there were red flags everywhere.
#38
What kind of tea did the American colonists want?
Liberty.
#39
Why didn't Isaac Newton dodge the apple? He didn't understand the gravity of the situation.
#42
What do French recruits learn in basic training? How to surrender in 17 different languages.
#44
I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person, all this time I thought he was a theoretical physicist.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Cute! Did the scientist, Dr. Harvey, ever return the brain to his family, after he studied it?
#46
Why did Columbus cross the ocean? To get to the other tide.
Hestia Moon 3 years ago
“To get to the culture he would diminish and kill 90% of” would be a better punchline
#47
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hissssstory.
#48
What did the terminator say when he accidentally got sent back in time to the renaissance? I'll be Bach.
RafCo (he/him) 3 years ago
Then he would be nearly 150 years early, as Bach lived from the late 17th to mid 18th centuries. And the Renaissance really covers 14th to the 16th centuries. Maybe go back to the Enlightenment. Also, what happened to his Bach? It got baroque.
Natalia Larkin 2 years ago
I thought it was 12-16th centurary? Well, you are correct either way!!
Load More Replies... #49
A major yet unspoken difference between medieval times and now is... These days, if someone owns a sword, it's a pretty safe bet you can kick their bum.
#50
What is the name of a severely injured historical figure? Napoleon Bone-Apart!
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Again, no jokes! On autopsy they found he had stomach cancer which produced bleeding ulcers! Also, they treated him ( and thousands of other patients) with a substance known as “Calomel”. Know what it was? Mercury! This medication was used extensively during the Civil War, either liquid or pills. It was given as treatment for just about anything that ailed you! Prez. Lincoln took it for awhile for depression. It made him mean! His friends made him stop taking it. I read that a few ignorant docs. Used it til mid-20th century. You have heard of “Quack Medicine”. This was it! History Lesson 101
#52
What did King George think of the American colonies? He thought they were revolting.
#53
What was Camelot famous for? It’s knight life.
#54
If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
His family and Friends.
#55
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa? A rockstar!
#59
Why were the early days of history called the Dark Ages? Because there were so many knights.
#60
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity? Shocked.
#61
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark? Floodlights!
#62
Why aren't you doing well in history? Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!
#66
I started studying art history. I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing.
#67
Which Pharoah played the trumpet? Tooting-khamun!
#71
What did the Greeks say after Constantinople was taken by the Turks? What a load of Istanbull.
#72
After World War 2, France seriously considered changing its name. Unfortunately, Iran was already taken.
John Barber 3 years ago
For sale: 50,000 WW2 French Army rifles. Never fired, only dropped once. Best offer.
#73
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By Norse code!
#79
My ex-girlfriend is standing at the opposite end of the museum from me!
I want to go say hi but there's just so much history between us.
#83
How did Louis XIV feel after completing the Palace of Versailles? Baroque.
#85
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the schoolbus like everyone else!
#90
A joke that only 1300's kids would get. The Bubonic plague.
#94
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat? Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
#95
Do you guys like Civil War jokes? Because General-Lee I don't find them funny.
#99
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
Norma Jean Morrissey 2 years ago
Just plain stupid! There are many, many things to poke fun or laugh about. Wars and human tragedy, and great personal efforts that results are not amongst them!
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