40 Times People Got Threatened In Such Weird And Chaotic Way, It Was Actually Impressive (New Pics)

The Rare Threats subreddit has been around since January 26, 2019, and it has already amassed an impressive 60k members, likely through its expert use of intimidation. This isn’t the first time we’ve featured the Rare Threats subreddit at Bored Panda, though. And lucky for us, the last time we covered the group, about four months ago, my colleague Jonas was able to get in touch with one of the sub’s moderators, Left4pillz.

Left4pillz was kind enough to provide some insight into how the group formed and what it has been like running it. Apparently, the post that started it all was a man’s bizarre threat to continue taping fish onto out-of-order ATMs until they were fixed. You can find that full post right here. That inspired the mods to create Rare Threats, and the group has only been growing ever since. 

We also previously asked moderator Left4pillz about the challenges of managing the Rare Threats community, and they shared that the biggest difficulty is simply having enough time for the subreddit. "Between my job as a cycle courier, and the hobby of porting and recreating older video game maps for Pavlov VR, I don't really have much time to spend moderating here,” they told Bored Panda. “Thankfully, the report system makes it easy enough to see the posts that break the rules more easily without having to spend tons of time looking at every post.”

Left4pillz also shared what they personally believe makes for the best rare threats. They noted that creativity and brevity are always key, urging threat artists to avoid “[going] on for paragraphs.” Incorporating humor is also a plus, they added!

"Generally the best posts are threats/warnings that are found naturally, rather than ones made specifically for the sub,” Left4pillz previously told Bored Panda. “And in my opinion, the real best of the best ones are found in real life as they're typically much rarer, like these two," the mod said, referring to these hilariously threatening signs right here and here. And while it may be hard to spot rare threats such as these in real life, it seems to become easier and easier to find them online nowadays, considering that they can be found on any social media site and even other places online. And I have to admit, I’m extremely thankful for the unlimited content the sub has now. Although, I might be a bit frightened if I heard any of these threats directed at me…

As with anything in life, threats are more fun when executed with a bit of creativity and eloquence. Gone are the days of ending a threat with an ominous, “Or else…” We have evolved, and now we know that it might be even more effective to threaten to make someone’s skin vanish or to utilize very realistic fears like choking on a tortilla chip or getting shampoo in your eye. But while the Rare Threats subreddit may be only 4 years old, the act of using rare threats actually goes much further back. We can credit some of the best rare threats to the man who was a brilliant writer of comedies, tragedies and insults: Shakespeare.   

Shakespeare might be better known for his insults, such as, “Away, you starvelling, you elf-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, bull’s-pizzle, you stock-fish!” But he was also a master of the rare threat. For example, “By this hand, I will supplant some of your teeth.” And, “I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel. I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o’er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways.” They may be mouthfulls, but they’re certainly effective. Some of my other personal favorites are, “Your hearts I’ll stamp out with my horse’s heels and make a quagmire of your mingled brains.” And, “I will beat thee into handsomeness.” And finally, “I’ll spurn thine eyes like balls before me! I’ll unhair thy head! Thou shalt be whipped with wire and stewed in brine, smarting in lingering pickle!”

One famous character of Shakespeare’s who was a master of the rare threat was Prospero in The Tempest. One threat he gives Ariel, a spirit servant of Prospero’s, is, “If thou more murmur’st, I will rend an oak and peg thee in his knotty entrails till thou hast howled away twelve winters.” Prospero also threatens Caliban, his slave, with, “If thou neglect’st or dost unwillingly what I command, I’ll rack thee with old cramps, fill all thy bones with aches, make thee roar that beasts shall tremble at thy din.” 

And finally, Prospero threatens Ferdinand, his soon-to-be son-in-law that if he sleeps with his daughter before the wedding, “No sweet aspersion shall the heavens let fall to make this contract grow, but barren hate, sour-eyed disdain, and discord shall bestrew the union of your bed with weeds so loathly that you shall hate it both.”

Obviously, on paper, threatening others is not really a great skill to have. But when it’s done in a comedic way by someone who does not actually have any harmful intent, threats can be enjoyed like clever jokes or even poetry. And if you’re interested in crafting some of your own rare threats, it might be best to think about niche fears that your target has. If your roommates keep stealing your food, perhaps you can put a label on your products threatening to put anything they steal in their beds or write, “If you eat this without asking me, I will tell the cute barista that you like that you got arrested for stealing donuts from the grocery store.” Something along those lines, feel free to get creative. 

While rare threats can be found anywhere, there are some brilliant ones that have been featured in films. In They Live, John Nada utters the famous line, “Put on those glasses or start eating that trash can.” In Anchorman, Ron Burgundy states the threat, “I’m going to punch you in the ovary. That’s what I’m going to do. Straight shot. Right to the baby maker.” And in Gangs of New York, Daniel Day Lewis, as Bill “The Butcher” Cutting, threatens, “You see this knife? I’m going to teach you to speak English with this f****** knife!”