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For the modern person, always in need of constant stimulation and validation, the good old private diary is no longer enough. Every questionable, chaotic, and unhinged personal thought can be quickly pushed onto the unsuspecting public, regardless of how they feel about it.

So here is a collection of posts from X (formerly tweets from Twitter) that showcase all the funniest personal thoughts people perhaps should have kept to themselves. Get comfortable before you scroll through and be sure to upvote your favorites. And if you are feeling inspired, share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. 

#1

God Has Protected Me

God Has Protected Me

zzill6 Report

I'M A SHOUTY MAN (they/she/he)
Community Member
2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen brother! It's like a meme I've seen a few times. God will give us all we need, but don't expect it to come to you like a special object in a video game, hovering above the table with a ring of light around it. When-the-H...50aac1.jpg When-the-Holy-Spirit-has-given-you-everything-651d26d50aac1.jpg

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    #2

    Put Em Outside By The Dumpsters

    Put Em Outside By The Dumpsters

    kevinc2c1 Report

    #3

    Why Stop There?

    Why Stop There?

    DaFunkJunkie Report

    L.V
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But women are too dumb to make such important decisions! /s

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    #4

    Fake Number

    Fake Number

    DaFunkJunkie Report

    François Bouzigues
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be honest, the first one is a good advice. And knowing someone is giving you a wrong number instead of guessing should lead you to : a)abandon further interaction with said person b)investigate what you did to make her feel that way and try to be a better / more interesting / less creepy person.

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    #5

    Some People Change

    Some People Change

    MattVekakis Report

    Jeremy James
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My Southern Baptist MIL has gone from pretending that I don't exist, (even to my face,) to occasionally asking about me and referring to me as, "that guy you live with." It's honestly a step in the right direction and it only took 20 years.

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    #6

    The Retirement Age

    The Retirement Age

    ModeratorForLeaks Report

    #7

    Dead Malls

    Dead Malls

    ExpertAccident Report

    ThatCapybara
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve ALWAYS thought this! Make this happen 100%, it can work with other abandoned buildings too

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    #8

    Heavy Machinery

    Heavy Machinery

    ThriftySenator Report

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    #9

    "It Just Wont Work" It Actually Does

    "It Just Wont Work" It Actually Does

    Maxonsdad Report

    Solidhog
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair, the UK is holding on by it's fingertips at the moment and it's really only the doctors and fantastic nurses in the hospitals holding it together at the moment.

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    #10

    This Dad Has One Great Son

    This Dad Has One Great Son

    ModeratorForLeaks Report

    Dana Trahan
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So heartwarming and heartbreaking. Kids can be so cruel

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    #11

    Wow. Medical Debt Causes Divorce For Married Couple Of 52 Years

    Wow. Medical Debt Causes Divorce For Married Couple Of 52 Years

    TruthToPower77 Report

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good on them for playing the system though

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    #12

    Basics Of Billionaires …

    Basics Of Billionaires …

    itsJeffTiedrich Report

    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Shhhhh,,,,,, Let the billionaires blast themselves into space. While they're gone, it's a great chance to unionize.

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    #13

    Management

    Management

    mattwallaert Report

    rullyman
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You should be giving everyone on the team a raise equivalent to the managers salary divided amongst them

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    #14

    There Is No Such A Thing As Teacher Shortage

    There Is No Such A Thing As Teacher Shortage

    Active-Ad-233 Report

    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Plus, getting shots at the bar is a lot better than at the school.

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    #15

    No Narcs

    No Narcs

    TheDrewRap Report

    Dekker451
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Disturbing costumers"? So they were disturbing people whose job it is to maintain and dress actors in the wardrobe of a movie, TV show or play?

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    #16

    I Wholeheartedly Approve

    I Wholeheartedly Approve

    jessevondoom Report

    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! Especially if he leads the way and takes his bestest, mostest friends with him. We'll give him.... uh... a special trophy or NFT of a trophy or something to memorialize his special leadership.

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    #17

    Why Are It Guys Such D**ks?

    Why Are It Guys Such D**ks?

    Bigringcycling Report

    Dekker451
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So much this. Usually, when someone says the IT guy is "being a d**k" what that really means is they're asking basic questions to cover all the bases because they've been thru that kind of sh1t before, but the person being asked decided to take it as an insult to their intelligence.

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    #18

    Burn It All Down….m4a Now

    Burn It All Down….m4a Now

    orchid_breeder Report

    Edward Finger Hands
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I had an emergency surgery this year. I pay almost $500 a month for my insurance. It still cost me nearly $10,000. With insurance!! Without insurance, the surgery was almost 125k. Absolutely outrageous.

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    #19

    People Are Morons

    People Are Morons

    adamhillscomedy Report

    Trophy Husband
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Imagine being one of the a******s who didn't take the Polio vaccine because they were anti-vax and that's why Polio is running rampant today... oh wait, that's not what happened, people lined up in droves, some camping overnight in the hopes of getting the vaccine. And today Polio is nearly unheard of...

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    #20

    Parenting Boys

    Parenting Boys

    dddullahan Report

    #22

    I’d Like To See It

    I’d Like To See It

    MessyGuy01 Report

    Francis
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    you will not always have a calculator in your pocket... ah well..

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    #23

    This Tweet Is So Accurate

    This Tweet Is So Accurate

    Tarshorri Report

    Bob Brooce
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wonder who he voted for in the last presidential election

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    #24

    Do Taxes Have To Be This Complicated?

    Do Taxes Have To Be This Complicated?

    dilettantedebrah Report

    Kristy Marion
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don’t get the US system. Is it not taken out weekly for salaried employees? Are there not tax brackets?

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    #25

    Makes Sense

    Makes Sense

    Aztery Report

    #26

    It Never Ends

    It Never Ends

    tee_babz Report

    ConstantlyJon
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    love it when my name is used in normal conversation

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    See Also on Bored Panda
    #27

    Let’s Tell The Whole Truth

    Let’s Tell The Whole Truth

    reddit.com Report

    Libstak
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Apparently our major supermarkets staff are having a strike this coming weekend and Friday. Record inflation after record profits and no pay raises for the workers expected along with their customers to survive paying even more for groceries after a record profits year. Good for the workers, strike away, I'm joining them by only buying at local markets and small family owned grocers for the duration and maybe if the big supermarkets do the right thing, maybe, I'll come back for the sake of my fellow working class battlers.

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    #28

    Lol 🤣

    Lol 🤣

    stevanzetti Report

    Dekker451
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #30

    But I'll Still Tell Him

    But I'll Still Tell Him

    ModeratorForLeaks Report

    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    God bless Tyler. He's doing his best and probably texting his girlfriend the whole time, too.

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    #31

    Beware

    Beware

    Bossloper Report

    Marno C.
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Remember the old days when kings would ride off into battle, leading the charge of their lords and noblemen? Lets try that again but include corporate executives since they are sort of the modern aristocracy now. Pay per view it, even.

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    #32

    Literally No One

    Literally No One

    ajfoucault Report

    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I remember people saying they felt like the Jewish people during WWII and if this isn't the peak of being privilidged then I don't know what is (i.e. when you have it so good that oblidgated to uphold medical advice makes you feel oppressed like a people being eradicated during a world war).

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    #33

    Works Like A Charm

    Works Like A Charm

    SampleSwimming8576 Report

    #34

    One Of The Evils Of Capitalism Involves Punishing People For Helping Others Or Showing Charity

    One Of The Evils Of Capitalism Involves Punishing People For Helping Others Or Showing Charity

    reddit.com Report

    Bruce Horton
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I call BS o this, but perfect panda food.

    Glitterati
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can anyone confirm that this is actually a real ‘crime’? Sounds totally ridiculous but stranger things have happened.

    Julian Delphiki
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is not capitalism that is government over reach, in true capitalism you can sell whatever you want for however much you want, even if that means giving free water to an elderly neighbor

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The water company is not the government. It's a capitalistic organization that uses the police to oppress people. That's how capitalism works and always has. You say it doesn't have to work that way. Precisely. It doesn't.

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    Trophy Husband
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is that illegal? The second house is paying for that water!

    Desiree Meredith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You're forgetting the service fee and taxes not collected on a separate household. I conserve water so much that the service fee on my water bill is sometimes more than the usage itself.

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    Natalie H
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    SOMEBODY snitched. The somebody was an A*****E.

    Michael Largey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Possibly. The water company's computer could easily be set to monitor increased usage in homes neighboring a shut-off.

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    Elio
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I just can't believe the cops took time away from their busy schedule of looking for kidnap victims in Afroman's CD collection and money to do this! I am shocked, really.

    Keisha
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would have been arrested because in no way would they have turned my water off for being a decent human being.

    Catharina Geerts
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I really don't understand why basically charity is illegal. Who makes such laws, it's crazy

    Shane Hussel
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The only reason your water was turned off is she didn't pay the bill.

    Celtic Pirate Queen
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I don't understand this at all. The water is going to be paid for anyway, so whose business is it how the homeowner chooses to use it?

    Nicola Mawson
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's a Constitutional right to have water in South Africa. They can't turn if off. Guess what the government is threatening to do? I've got the popcorn ready

    Janet Sparrow
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yeah who told on you? This doesn't sound right.

    Norman Beattie
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Where did you live when this happened ?

    Jason Alter
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    How is this a capitalism problem when it’s the government doing it?

    Desiree Meredith
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Water in my (American) city is provided by a French corporation.

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    Timbob
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There’s an American message there !

    Steve Hall
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'll bet there was a home owners association involved.

    Crybabyartist
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For some reason I thought it was illegal to refuse someone water. Computer says no...

    Gustav Gallifrey
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a while, i worked for the water provider in my country's largest city. We would THREATEN to cut off water supply, and would indeed cut it off to commercial premises if necessary, but would NEVER actually cut it off to residences because of the health risks, and because, you know, that would have been a really b*stard thing to do.

    Neener Neener
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Total horse biscuits. And you’re a fool if you believe this malarkey.

    Plinkplink Fizz
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You forgot to mention which third world dictatorship you come from?

    der sebbl
    Community Member
    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #35

    Things Have Changed

    Things Have Changed

    JacobAShell Report

    The Scout
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oh, yes, the middle class life... A German politician in the not so distant past described himself as "middle class" while owning a private plane and making 1.5 millon a year. So it comes down to a matter of definition.

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    #36

    Oooooffff

    Oooooffff

    MountainSage58 Report

    Dekker451
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is the same guy who thinks he knows enough about programming to micromanage the people who are trying to develop self-driving technology for him.

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    #37

    Ancient Greece Wasn't Gay

    Ancient Greece Wasn't Gay

    Appointment-Funny Report

    Tams21
    Community Member
    2 years ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is what happens when you're so uneducated, you don't realise how uneducated you are ☹️

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