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For the modern person, always in need of constant stimulation and validation, the good old private diary is no longer enough. Every questionable, chaotic, and unhinged personal thought can be quickly pushed onto the unsuspecting public, regardless of how they feel about it.

So here is a collection of posts from X (formerly tweets from Twitter) that showcase all the funniest personal thoughts people perhaps should have kept to themselves. Get comfortable before you scroll through and be sure to upvote your favorites. And if you are feeling inspired, share your own thoughts and experiences in the comments section below. 

#1

God Has Protected Me

God Has Protected Me

zzill6 Report

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I'M A SHOUTY MAN (they/she/he)
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen brother! It's like a meme I've seen a few times. God will give us all we need, but don't expect it to come to you like a special object in a video game, hovering above the table with a ring of light around it. When-the-H...50aac1.jpg When-the-Holy-Spirit-has-given-you-everything-651d26d50aac1.jpg

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#3

Why Stop There?

Why Stop There?

DaFunkJunkie Report

#4

Fake Number

Fake Number

DaFunkJunkie Report

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François Bouzigues
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be honest, the first one is a good advice. And knowing someone is giving you a wrong number instead of guessing should lead you to : a)abandon further interaction with said person b)investigate what you did to make her feel that way and try to be a better / more interesting / less creepy person.

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#7

Dead Malls

Dead Malls

ExpertAccident Report

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ThatCapybara
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve ALWAYS thought this! Make this happen 100%, it can work with other abandoned buildings too

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#9

"It Just Wont Work" It Actually Does

"It Just Wont Work" It Actually Does

Maxonsdad Report

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Solidhog
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

To be fair, the UK is holding on by it's fingertips at the moment and it's really only the doctors and fantastic nurses in the hospitals holding it together at the moment.

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#10

This Dad Has One Great Son

This Dad Has One Great Son

ModeratorForLeaks Report

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#11

Wow. Medical Debt Causes Divorce For Married Couple Of 52 Years

Wow. Medical Debt Causes Divorce For Married Couple Of 52 Years

TruthToPower77 Report

#12

Basics Of Billionaires …

Basics Of Billionaires …

itsJeffTiedrich Report

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Marno C.
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Shhhhh,,,,,, Let the billionaires blast themselves into space. While they're gone, it's a great chance to unionize.

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#13

Management

Management

mattwallaert Report

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rullyman
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should be giving everyone on the team a raise equivalent to the managers salary divided amongst them

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#14

There Is No Such A Thing As Teacher Shortage

There Is No Such A Thing As Teacher Shortage

Active-Ad-233 Report

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Marno C.
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Plus, getting shots at the bar is a lot better than at the school.

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#15

No Narcs

No Narcs

TheDrewRap Report

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Dekker451
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Disturbing costumers"? So they were disturbing people whose job it is to maintain and dress actors in the wardrobe of a movie, TV show or play?

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#16

I Wholeheartedly Approve

I Wholeheartedly Approve

jessevondoom Report

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Marno C.
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! Especially if he leads the way and takes his bestest, mostest friends with him. We'll give him.... uh... a special trophy or NFT of a trophy or something to memorialize his special leadership.

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#17

Why Are It Guys Such D**ks?

Why Are It Guys Such D**ks?

Bigringcycling Report

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Dekker451
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So much this. Usually, when someone says the IT guy is "being a d**k" what that really means is they're asking basic questions to cover all the bases because they've been thru that kind of sh1t before, but the person being asked decided to take it as an insult to their intelligence.

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#18

Burn It All Down….m4a Now

Burn It All Down….m4a Now

orchid_breeder Report

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Edward Finger Hands
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had an emergency surgery this year. I pay almost $500 a month for my insurance. It still cost me nearly $10,000. With insurance!! Without insurance, the surgery was almost 125k. Absolutely outrageous.

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#19

People Are Morons

People Are Morons

adamhillscomedy Report

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Phoebe
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well you know they’d low-key be arrested but oh well maybe they was makin a cuppa

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#22

I’d Like To See It

I’d Like To See It

MessyGuy01 Report

#23

This Tweet Is So Accurate

This Tweet Is So Accurate

Tarshorri Report

#24

Do Taxes Have To Be This Complicated?

Do Taxes Have To Be This Complicated?

dilettantedebrah Report

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Kristy Marion
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don’t get the US system. Is it not taken out weekly for salaried employees? Are there not tax brackets?

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#27

Let’s Tell The Whole Truth

Let’s Tell The Whole Truth

reddit.com Report

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Libstak
Community Member
7 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Apparently our major supermarkets staff are having a strike this coming weekend and Friday. Record inflation after record profits and no pay raises for the workers expected along with their customers to survive paying even more for groceries after a record profits year. Good for the workers, strike away, I'm joining them by only buying at local markets and small family owned grocers for the duration and maybe if the big supermarkets do the right thing, maybe, I'll come back for the sake of my fellow working class battlers.

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#28

Lol 🤣

Lol 🤣

stevanzetti Report

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Dekker451
Community Member
7 months ago

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#30

But I'll Still Tell Him

But I'll Still Tell Him

ModeratorForLeaks Report

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Marno C.
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

God bless Tyler. He's doing his best and probably texting his girlfriend the whole time, too.

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#31

Beware

Beware

Bossloper Report

#32

Literally No One

Literally No One

ajfoucault Report

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Susie Elle
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I remember people saying they felt like the Jewish people during WWII and if this isn't the peak of being privilidged then I don't know what is (i.e. when you have it so good that oblidgated to uphold medical advice makes you feel oppressed like a people being eradicated during a world war).

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#34

One Of The Evils Of Capitalism Involves Punishing People For Helping Others Or Showing Charity

One Of The Evils Of Capitalism Involves Punishing People For Helping Others Or Showing Charity

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Glitterati
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can anyone confirm that this is actually a real ‘crime’? Sounds totally ridiculous but stranger things have happened.

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Julian Delphiki
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is not capitalism that is government over reach, in true capitalism you can sell whatever you want for however much you want, even if that means giving free water to an elderly neighbor

michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The water company is not the government. It's a capitalistic organization that uses the police to oppress people. That's how capitalism works and always has. You say it doesn't have to work that way. Precisely. It doesn't.

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Trophy Husband
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How is that illegal? The second house is paying for that water!

desiree_meredith avatar
Desiree Meredith
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're forgetting the service fee and taxes not collected on a separate household. I conserve water so much that the service fee on my water bill is sometimes more than the usage itself.

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michaellargey avatar
Michael Largey
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Possibly. The water company's computer could easily be set to monitor increased usage in homes neighboring a shut-off.

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katar13 avatar
Elio
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I just can't believe the cops took time away from their busy schedule of looking for kidnap victims in Afroman's CD collection and money to do this! I am shocked, really.

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Keisha
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have been arrested because in no way would they have turned my water off for being a decent human being.

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Catharina Geerts
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I really don't understand why basically charity is illegal. Who makes such laws, it's crazy

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Shane Hussel
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The only reason your water was turned off is she didn't pay the bill.

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Celtic Pirate Queen
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand this at all. The water is going to be paid for anyway, so whose business is it how the homeowner chooses to use it?

nicola_mawson avatar
Nicola Mawson
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's a Constitutional right to have water in South Africa. They can't turn if off. Guess what the government is threatening to do? I've got the popcorn ready

hipk avatar
Crybabyartist
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For some reason I thought it was illegal to refuse someone water. Computer says no...

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Gustav Gallifrey
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For a while, i worked for the water provider in my country's largest city. We would THREATEN to cut off water supply, and would indeed cut it off to commercial premises if necessary, but would NEVER actually cut it off to residences because of the health risks, and because, you know, that would have been a really b*stard thing to do.

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Neener Neener
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Total horse biscuits. And you’re a fool if you believe this malarkey.

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John Harrison
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not sure about this one. Are there places where the water is a service paid for by taxes? How else could it be illegal?

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Plinkplink Fizz
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You forgot to mention which third world dictatorship you come from?

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der sebbl
Community Member
7 months ago

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#35

Things Have Changed

Things Have Changed

JacobAShell Report

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The Scout
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, yes, the middle class life... A German politician in the not so distant past described himself as "middle class" while owning a private plane and making 1.5 millon a year. So it comes down to a matter of definition.

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#36

Oooooffff

Oooooffff

MountainSage58 Report

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Dekker451
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the same guy who thinks he knows enough about programming to micromanage the people who are trying to develop self-driving technology for him.

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#37

Ancient Greece Wasn't Gay

Ancient Greece Wasn't Gay

Appointment-Funny Report

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Tams21
Community Member
7 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is what happens when you're so uneducated, you don't realise how uneducated you are ☹️

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