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Ladies, let's be real with one another. Whether you're walking down the street, dancing at a bar, or browsing online, creepy people somehow always feel the need to bring their unwanted sexual innuendos into your day. Ignoring the creeps and walking away is one option. Burning them so bad with the best comebacks that they run off crying to tell their mom is another.
With this list, we're giving you an entire arsenal of firepower to whip out the next time that guy you went on one date with suddenly asks for a sexting session. Or that guy you've been 'sort of' texting gets a little sexual predator-y vibe with his emojis. Or that guy you literally just said 'hi' to wants to know what you would do if you were with him right now. These losers aren't very original, are they?
Scroll down to see the comebacks of the century, and don't forget to vote for the ones that you'll be mentally noting for future use if an unexpected sexting message reaches you.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
You Get What You Ask For
Donna O 8 years ago
I think it was the "with" that changed the connotation of it haha. F*****g someone, and f*****g WITH someone are two totally different things :)
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Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
This is the absolute best thing to do to those idiots who keep asking for sex and you don't want to sleep with them
RELATED:
#2
Why Would I Do That
What_the_actual_sloth? 2 years ago
he probably was too until that comeback 😆
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Steven Rundle 8 years ago
Live image of our boy after receiving that text: PK-59b9517f078ee.jpg 
#3
Have A Good Day
Adriana E. Henricy 8 years ago
that stupid answer after being rejected "well u are ugly!!!" then why the fck did you liked the profile you sad excuse for a human?
Aislynn Rose 8 years ago
Sounds like no girls have anything to do with him with a pathetic pickup line like that.
Marysia Jawłowska 8 years ago
Oh how I love when a guy tells he wouldn't want anything to do with such unattractive woman literally split second after he was hitting on her.
Aislynn Rose 8 years ago
Sounds like most girls don't have anything to do with him if he's using that pathetic pickup line.
#4
Where Do You Want It?
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
Next a*****e that sends me a message about where they want their d*ck buried, I'll also send them this
#5
Thanks, But No
Lydia Curio 8 years ago
guys really need to learn not to go so fast with the sex talk. Be NORMAL, be a human being, not just a walking c**k who wants to get laid as soon as possible.
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
Nun, your name backwards says Nagol.. you need to change your name. Something like Richard, then I can really call you a D**K.
#6
Plot Interpretations
#7
Here Are Your Nudes
Erin Hill 8 years ago
I would much rather receive this picture than some of the...other ones I have gotten before.
The Cube Cat 8 years ago
Why did you receive nudes? Did you ask people for them, or do people just send them out when you match with them? Either one is disturbing P.s. Don't put a sarcastic tone on the latter option, I'm really just asking
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Elmer Fudd 8 years ago
I have to wonder who wrote these "retorts. Some of thm are pretty good.
#8
Complain
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
What else does your mouth do? I'm assuming since you asked that right off, you want sex. So, here you go... happy f*****g to you, mastubate all you want, but well not be meeting...ever.
Alexis minnix 3 years ago
“What else can your mouth do” Tell you how much of a shithead you are.
#9
Hi, Trumpet
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
One time, a guy kept asking me if I was horny and I just pretended I didn't know what it meant. He spent 20 minutes trying to explain it to me then he gave up and blocked me.
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
You have strong lips?? Well, I don't play any instruments, I don't read music, so you can completely forget me ever blowing your horn!
Elmer Fudd 8 years ago
I wonder who wrote all of these "retorts." Some of thm are prettty good.
#10
Practical Comeback
Annette Ostermeier 8 years ago
Should have told him that you just bit off the d**k of the last guy who did that...! ;)
#11
Literally
Also Ansinfer 8 years ago
She is just a kid! Good on her for turning it around with humor. But sad that young girls have to face this kind of pressure.
#12
Lame Pickup Lines
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Well, from a guy that just said he never been with a Asian just like he could have say he never eat a pavlova, guess we couldn't expect less racist come back
Load More Replies... Lilly griffith 8 years ago
Soooo... He says 'ur asia wanna f**k' then 'nevermind ur Asian' what a rascist d**k
#13
Don't Flatter Yourself
borklaser 8 years ago
why was this downvoted? I think my youngest daughter was 26" at her 6 month checkup, for those that need perspective.
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Kim Lorton 8 years ago
I guess you never paid attention in sex Ed class, you just focused on the cucumber in class...sad....
#14
Just Found It
#15
The Moon
lazy panda 8 years ago
Hell, this has been the first question I've been asked!
Load More Replies... Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
The only thing that crashed harder than this guy was the stock market
#16
Funny Comebacks
Pemberton 8 years ago
Is this his screenshot rather than hers? And does the pizza emoji mean, "my mouth is watering so let's go to a pizza place"?
Totally a Dragon 7 years ago
Yeah, I makes it look like he uploaded it. Maybe he realized A: he was being a d**k, and B: this is a good list for that
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Emma Perkins 8 years ago
Well if she shoots him I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be worried about his money...
Load More Replies... #17
Revealing Enough?
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
I used to chat with a guy who also loved exchanging pics, somehow. Once he asked me to show some parts of myself. He asked for "anything" so I sent a pic of my hand. He spent days talking about how perfect my hand is. What a weirdo.
Amazon QT 5 years ago
Oh I’ve got a good photo to use for just this instance... the bottom of my 60 year old Dad that had Gout and didn’t go to the Dr. about for over 6 months- he ended up loosing all of his toes on his right foot 2 months later! That aught to stop the fishing for nudes from creepy guys... 😉
Meowing ton 4 years ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKYOUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHFUKAHAHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHHHhahHhahHahahhahaahhaah...ha
Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos 8 years ago
Once I put up for sale some pairs of shoes and sandals. A creepy asked me to shoot a vid of me walking in them! I said "no, they are too tight on my feet, can't walk in them" (they belonged to my mom and this was actually the truth), so he just answered "nevermind, just do the video and I'll buy them from you anyway!" O__o'
Jespren Ray 8 years ago
At one of my old jobs we had this fellow who would repeatedly call and ask any female he got (cellular call center) what kind of shoes and socks they were wearing.
#18
Did You Fall From Heaven?
Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos 8 years ago
My, he didn't even try to put any effort in that.. What an idiot. Just buy a sex doll since you are that bad with people.. And I love her answer :)
#19
Just No
Satoshi Ketsuban 8 years ago
then if he hid it, he'd be disrespecting me.
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#20
Bamboozled
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
I fell for it too, but I'm far from a man....
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Beatz Girl (Erica) 8 years ago
Kind of risky. If someone sees that photo and doesn't know what's behind it, the girl might get in trouble
#21
Fav Position
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago
I don't know, I'd like CFO (Chief Financial Officer)
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#22
I Told You It's Dark
Thegreatcountryofverden 7 years ago
If you stand up in your chair you can actually see a head.
Rã Field 8 years ago
This is great; I had something similar & drew a child like drawing(stick figure) with white on a black backing & the reaction i got was total shock... the 'dude' proceeded to apologize & say he doesn't want to associate with children; i said i was a known brilliant scetch artist,& i aint a child thankyou, i just turned 14 how dare you... again i got two more apologies before he vanished:)
#23
Ok Cool
Master Markus 8 years ago
Yeah, I really feel like being "okay with dating plus-sized women" would go without saying if she is a large woman you're attempting to date. No need to pat yourself on the back for it.
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
It the kind of jerk that think he make a favor to women he hit on....
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Friedlander Rosenzweig 8 years ago
I actually had a guy say to me once on a date from the Chicago Reader want ads:"If I overlook you being heavy and the fact that you live at home (at 30 with my Mother), will you overlook the fact that I'm short and a funeral director?" WTF? I didn't know it was a trade off? That was a short, albeit creepy date.
just a nerd 3 years ago
No one deserves to be talked to like that... I am sorry you had to deal with that prick
Load More Replies... Allana Rose 8 years ago
Reading all these posts makes me so thankful I am out of the dating pool!
#24
Do You Know What It Is?
Cian McGrath 8 years ago
Wow, his d**k must be ultra thin, like a needle.
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Robert La Rock 8 years ago
OMFG .. that guy is just too f*****g stupid to live!! Quick, call the exterminators before he procreates!! 😂
Tanja Caloi 8 years ago
don't worry, doesn't sound like he'd find the right hole anyway lmao "I'll make one" I'm deaddd
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#25
Why Are We In The Kitchen
Valerie Gobaira 8 years ago
i have NEVER laughed this hard or long at any post. omfg i am crying!
Donna O 8 years ago
Yeah it was, I remember reading it within the last couple of weeks.
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Lyra Myers 4 years ago
Hmmm... Is this guy SURE he isn't in IKEA? Did he have to assemble the furniture with ery complicated, bad instructions?
#26
Sea Of D*cks
King Old Man Bob 8 years ago
You lied to me, didn't work on my cat and now I have to pet her
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Lilly griffith 8 years ago
Who starts a conversation with hi baby I love you and want to have sex
#27
Burn
#28
Funny Comebacks
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
Should've said something along the lines of "Let me get the fireworks"! XD
Emma Holt 8 years ago
i love the fact that he was just like cool with it. part of me thinks that maybe he thought it was her 'daddy'
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
He probably thought she was going to ask her dad if she could "go out to see a friend"
Load More Replies... #29
A Good Looking Couple
Allana Rose 8 years ago
HAHAHA! Girls can do the best burns. I don't know why, but they are just so mean!
lazy panda 8 years ago
But it's totally fine for guys to attack how women look when we turn them down, right? Idiot.
Load More Replies... #30
A Proper Answer
Vlad Horobet 8 years ago
This is the opposite of the word Sex from a form where smart a*s people write "twice a day"...
#31
Amnesia
Amazon QT 5 years ago
“Bang” oh what have I done? I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to kill you. I’ve go to get rid of the body... *picks up shovel, big garbage bag & some rope*
Load More Replies... Amazon QT 5 years ago (edited)
*Michael Jackson (in his red Thriller jacket) enters the room, sits down next to you and starts eating your popcorn*
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#32
Pythagoras's Theorem
CelSlade 8 years ago
I love this! I much prefer the ones where the girls beat them down with intelligence rather than playing dumb.
Meowing ton 4 years ago
How the f*k dese f****n hoes cum up wit dis shat/www.dickcember .cum lol
#33
You've Deflated My Ego
Copper Vyxen 8 years ago
I may be weird, but I totally think it would be hilarious if, after all this, they kept talking and really liked each other and got married. That would be one story for the ages!
Roisin Carey 8 years ago
I can hear the hissing and the cold flop to the floor noise and it is satisfying.
#34
I Bet
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
Your comment is so much funnier than the photo!
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Wanda Queen 8 years ago
I wanted to get laid....and I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids?
#35
Getting My Sleep
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
The gears on the disposal go grind,grind,grind... and then down the drain Sorry I de sexed you....
#36
Duck!
#37
Savage Comebacks
Lara B. 8 years ago
What on earth do people on tinder think, that this is a good line to start a conversation?
Reland McClure 8 years ago
I thought tinder was a hook up/ f#*k site.....if so I'm not understanding the violent reply.......hmmmmm.......not going there!
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
What happened to a sense of humors and polite conversation? Did tinder just turn in to a pick a dickie up? For shame! They need to be rerouted to each other and talk to themselves but not know it !
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
if he ain't careful he's gonna get that I can't breathe feeling one day
#38
Nope, Thanks
Thegreatcountryofverden 8 years ago
Theyr'e dongers, small pictures that resemble faces.
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Nicki Lang 8 years ago
The amount of kaomoji that are dedicated to d**k-cutting is both astonishing and wonderful.
#39
Important Things
#40
Stick To Your Mum
#41
Taking Souls
Friedlander Rosenzweig 8 years ago
T.j. Is quite the charmer, huh! Who would hook up with this moron?
porcupine 8 years ago
So when it says "you matched" and then shows what he said, does that mean that was his opening line? Sorry, old lady here.
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
You match, and then either one can message the other
Load More Replies... #42
Savage Comeback
#43
You're*
porcupine 8 years ago
lol I'm going to try this one on my husband later "how's you, big tits?"
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
Gorgoeus? Isn't that the name of a monster from greek mythology? lmaaaoo
Kim Lorton 8 years ago
Do you live nearby? Or can I just drop you off at the nearest sty, so you can grunt with your friends...
#44
Proper Grammar
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
OH MY GOSH!!! AT LEAST CAPITALISE THE FIRST LETTER OF THE SENTENCE!!! AND WHAT THE HELL IS YOURE?? IT'S YOUR!!!!
Elvira Rossi 8 years ago
Yes... I mean, I'm Italian, English is not my mother tongue but even I know the difference between your, you're, and yours... *facepalm*
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#45
Lacks Dolphins
Pemberton 8 years ago
I started having a headache after seeing "go diner at a restaurant"...
Load More Replies... Juno French 4 years ago
Why is this happening while he's driving? Seems like an accident waiting to happen.
Emily zzstu Dancy 3 years ago
I speak Spanish, only a little bit though, as I'm still learning, I'm nowhere near fluent but id PAINS me to see people misusing accents like this.
#46
Nice Observation
#47
Enough Said
Thegreatcountryofverden 8 years ago
*sees picture* HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH *Dies*
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
This is the kind of things I send on a daily basis, even to my friends.
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
I think JonTron sums up my reaction pretty well: https://youtu.be/zoMiYklHvjk
Caroline Murphy 8 years ago
I'm seeing IT later.. Not sure what I'm going to have nightmares about. Pennywise? Or this......
#48
Favorite Jokes
#49
Mated To Zaltxabar
Lily Dennard 6 years ago
to all the nerds out there- one day we shall rule society as our ancestors foretold in their prophecies!
gellert grindlewald 3 years ago
l am bad at being bad, but if you need a sidekick who knows where and how to bury a body.........
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#50
How Many Bones?
Pemberton 8 years ago
I thought he wanted to create a bone or bones inside her by making her pregnant.
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Šimon Špaček 8 years ago
It reminds me of M*A*S*H. When Potter removed a bone saying "He will be better without this one" "Why?" "It wasn't his..." (I'm sorry if I'm not accurate about the words, it is long time I saw it)
Roisin Carey 8 years ago
If your going to say something repulsive at least get the facts right!
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
where the hell does he put the other 60 clearly they are effecting his IQ severely
#51
Funny Women Comebacks
#52
Thoughts On Cannibalism
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
I probably would've answered, "Why? Do you have a vore fetish or something?"
#53
Funny Women Comebacks
#54
Funny Women Comebacks
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
15 years old? I wonder how much money he has while still being illegal for sex.
Errorsaurus 8 years ago
I would take up the offer just to spend all his money and make him do my chores, not doing a single romantic/sexual thing. What, you thought I actually wanted you? Tough luck, buddy boy. I'm just lazy.
Elizabeth Molloy 8 years ago
PLEASE someone take him up on the offer and just lock him in their closet.
#55
Funny Women Comebacks
Arielle PW 8 years ago
I'd have to ask why he's wearing my clothes now.. I just washed them, jerk.
#56
Funny Women Comebacks
Nini 8 years ago
I'd rather be 390 000 000 kilometers away from whoever wants me to sit on their face 😑😑😑
Pemberton 8 years ago
I don't understand why some guys are so obsessed with "sit on my face". What if a woman farts on them?
marleyj.rutherford12@gmail.com 4 years ago
Lol I LOVE 'what if a woman farts on them'
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#57
Funny Women Comebacks
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
Well, it is possible to shower with clothes on. Just really uncomfortable.
Samantha Robinson 8 years ago
I would have stated I was a never-nude and described in detail the feel and color of my denim shorts.
#58
Funny Women Comebacks
#59
Funny Women Comebacks
Justin Shurie 8 years ago
Never put ice on a burn, instead use lukewarm/cool water.
Load More Replies... Thegreatcountryofverden 8 years ago
Mentions the roast, in a roast. WE NEED SOME ALOE VERA OVER HERE!
#60
Funny Women Comebacks
Sherri Mantooth Bagwell 8 years ago
Proving one night of sex can haunt you for the next 18yrs!
Marie-Louise Chenois 8 years ago
Rather say 30 with the studies, getting the 1st work etc...
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#61
Funny Women Comebacks
Neeraj Jha 8 years ago
I imagined that last comment in Simon Cowell's voice and his rolling eyes expression
#62
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Talk of pizza made me think we can forget about the friend-zone because we now have the cal-zone.
Lianita Tugotone 8 years ago
Am I the only one that played that last "haha" in my head in Nelson's voice?
#63
Funny Women Comebacks
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
WHAT???? THAT iS JUsT SOoO DUMB!!! WHYY!??!!? CAn'T YOU AT LEAST START A CONVERSaTiON WITH A GREETING!?!? OR IS THAT THE NEW FoRM OF GREETING THESE DAYS!?!?
Copper Vyxen 8 years ago
Hi! How are you? I hope you're fine and that the rest of your day is as fabulously amazing as you are ^,^
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Kelley Baltierra 2 years ago
Hell, just give me all your money, go away and I'll buy myself stuff
#64
Funny Women Comebacks
#65
Funny Women Comebacks
Jessie Zhang 3 years ago
Apply ice to burned wound for the rest of your life... you are permanently scarred for life.
#66
Funny Women Comebacks
Master Markus 8 years ago
Unfortunately no, it wouldn't lower his testosterone levels and make him less of a d**k, but he would HAVE less of a d**k!
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
"Tryna hit this raw"? So proposing sex without a condom is a compliment? I'm kinda old but if this is how the younger people are flirting these days it's no wonder everyone seems to be single.
#67
Funny Women Comebacks
Feminist Percussionist 3 years ago
Archaeologists don’t work with dinosaur bones. Paleontologists do. He deserved that burn.
Mária Dusová 8 years ago
Well, when talking about dinosaur bones you need an paleontologist not archaeologist. Just sayin´.
#68
Funny Women Comebacks
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
OMFG I got asked a similar question a few years back. This guy inboxed me on Facebook, and was like "I'm going to send you a d**k pic. Can you please act suprised and tell me how big it is". OMFG NO!
#69
Funny Women Comebacks
#70
Funny Women Comebacks
Joshua Varela-Broska 4 years ago
000000000000000000000000hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
I was dating a guy who kept asking for a**l. I finally told him that I would let him put his d**k in my butt if he would let me put a dildo in HIS butt. He said, "Ok. Let's do it!" And he pulled a large dildo from the lamp table drawer. Well, Damn! That backfired!
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
I need to start using this. Apparently some guys think because of my Greek heritage, that I enjoy it from behind. No, no, NO THANK YOU!
#71
Funny Women Comebacks
Thegreatcountryofverden 8 years ago
Explanation for Zombies/Egg cells/Jellyfish: I posted this comment because it's a joke of the word "Gauge" because it is related to train tracks, and because she ment to say "Gouge".
Load More Replies... Chocolate Quente e Biscoitos 8 years ago
It's incredible how these guys think it's totally ok to say b******t to other people and then seem to be so offended when they get an answer like that
Kelley Baltierra 2 years ago
Give me the $300 first. Then I'll see if I feel like chatting. But that's all we'd be doing, twiddling piddles costs $1000
#72
Funny Women Comebacks
Lily Dennard 6 years ago
he needs a medic! does anybody have any medical experience in here?!?!
#73
Funny Women Comebacks
#74
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
I just love when people throw out feeble insults that burn themselves too.
Fickle_Pickle 2 years ago
Like this guy that was trying to hit on me at work even tho I’m very much married. He was insulted when I turned him down, he resorted to throwing insults at me. Called me an a*****e and miserable lol but he’s the one that lives in his dad’s basement after getting kicked out of his friend’s house, and his gf of nine years left him and took their two daughters with her. Some days he won’t come to work bc he has no gas money. Yep I’m the one that’s miserable huh 😂😂😂
Load More Replies... #75
Funny Women Comebacks
Lisa Atchley 8 years ago
Actually, this is the first one that made me burst out laughing...glad I made it to the way, way back of this post.
Grazina Strolia 8 years ago
Me too! I actually did a spit-take with my coffee!!!
Load More Replies... The Cube Cat 8 years ago
It's a random situation that most people know and that can be simulated with one line, so it's ideal for throwing the jerk off balance.
Load More Replies... Susan Gardner 8 years ago
Probably a commercial on TV she was currently watching lmao. Well played
#76
Funny Women Comebacks
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Hey, he waited until his second line! Some do not seems that chivalrous
#77
Funny Women Comebacks
#78
Funny Women Comebacks
Christian Sunde 8 years ago
not sure how this is sexting. wildest desire could be anything from bungee jumping to travel the world, or swim with dolphins, and much more.
#79
Funny Women Comebacks
Lily Dennard 6 years ago
if anyone ever texted me this i would not have the same courage as this girl so i applaud you
#80
Funny Women Comebacks
Lara B. 8 years ago
First i was really annoyed that someone blackened the most interesting part and i couldn't figure out, what she was telling him. Then I realised I a kinda slow today and of course it is a spoiler...
Marie-Louise Chenois 8 years ago
Same...Would have been even worse with GoT....
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Lyra Myers 4 years ago
Spoiling a TV show is the worst thing anyone has every done to you? What a spoiled little life you must have lived.
#81
Funny Women Comebacks
Erin Zelnio 8 years ago
Kudos to the guy for bowing out gracefully, instead of having a temper tantrum for being called on his nonsense.
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
I think making a D&D joke would've been funnier: "I am a Level 5 Paladin equipped with a +2 Greatsword and Platemail Armor."
Celestial Lynx 8 years ago
Wow. The determination in this guy to make this into a fantasy role play o-o they can try so hard sometimes
#82
Funny Women Comebacks
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
Very clever how the third line was 'are you a girl?' An advanced level of logical thinking.
Totally a Dragon 7 years ago
Comment of the... uhh... post? Day? Anyway, best comment on this thread? Chain? Post? Best comment on this page.
Load More Replies... Errorsaurus 8 years ago
I love that when he doesn't immediately get a response he decides to ask if the person if really a girl. There's just no good outcome for that.
Anna Thouvenin 8 years ago
For all the people who have never seen it, I suggest that you go to see the video of Duck Sauce - Big bad wolf. This is exactly how this would go.
#83
Funny Women Comebacks
#84
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Why does getting turned down in a very non-insulting way nearly ALWAYS end with "You're a b***h"?
Kirchner Deventer 8 years ago
Because these types of guys tend to think it hurts a woman when they call her that, without understanding that most women have probably been called that multiple times before.
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#85
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Psh, that gives him too much credit. Let's go with a small caliber pistol.
#86
Funny Women Comebacks
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
Do these people expect to get anywhere with such forward and unintelligent remarks?
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
nope but apparently there brain seems to think if they keep trying the result will be different the next time around and it isn't...Isn't that the definition of Insanity?
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#87
Funny Women Comebacks
#88
Funny Women Comebacks
Long Joan Silver 8 years ago
S**t, I just said a similar thing, prior to reading your comment!
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Marie-Louise Chenois 8 years ago
My cat looks exactly like her's! So cute (tough mine would never agree on bath...)
#89
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Guys always bust out with lyrics or movie quotes so I like seeing a girl turning the tables.
#90
Funny Women Comebacks
Master Markus 8 years ago
Which part? Missionaries are people who go places to spread their religion.
Load More Replies... #91
Funny Women Comebacks
Emma Perkins 8 years ago
Overly masculine men are afraid that thinking a trans girl makes them gay -_-
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Zenozenobee 8 years ago
I don't get it... If you're not confortable with trans, why bother initiate the conversation? Why talk to someone you don't know just to be insulting? why not simply go to the next profile?
#92
Funny Women Comebacks
Tanya Kysel'ova 8 years ago
this is soo irritating to hear of wet staff in between the talk of long working day when u r heck soo tired and let it know to a person. really. he tried to be nice but at once like "I am nice! Pay me off! Get wet for me!". If he were cleverer, he would understand that she didn't like him from the beginning, for a woman never replies like that to a person she likes. In this case we see why)
#93
Funny Women Comebacks
#94
Funny Women Comebacks
Kirchner Deventer 8 years ago
Nah this is actually just mean on her behalf. Maybe just block the person if you don't want to chat with them?
Tanya Kysel'ova 8 years ago
blocking is kind of offensive and she just let him know by her silence that she is not interested
Load More Replies... Marie-Louise Chenois 8 years ago
That guy is using a picture of him with a little kid to try....Is he hopping that girls will find it "so cuuuute he has a little boy!" ?
#95
Funny Women Comebacks
Elizabeth Molloy 8 years ago
I don't know, but parents REALLY should be teaching their boys how to talk to women.
Load More Replies... #96
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
I always wondered where the logic of slang such as "horny" originated from. It just seems to have no connection or relevance.
Juno French 4 years ago
I happen to know this. The Egyptian god of masculine fertility had horns. His name was Amon, like the condoms.
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Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago (edited)
Sometimes I wish I had horns on my head. I'm weird that way. (I mean like horns that bulls have on their heads. Otherwise that'd be disgusting.)
#97
Funny Women Comebacks
Maya 8 years ago
most palettes are that expensive. Makeup isn't cheap, just because she spent the average price for a good eyeshadow set doesn't make her high-maintenance.
Load More Replies... #98
Funny Women Comebacks
M O'Connell 8 years ago
His 'guy-in-a-tank-top" profile picture pretty much guaranteed that he would be a douchebag.
Dave Chapman 3 years ago
As a Male & a Gentleman...I'm totally embarrassed by such idiotic, immature a******s sharing the same chromosomes as me...and that pretty much goes for every small minded boy in these texts.
Frozengeckolover 6 years ago
But he did give her a compliment! He said she wasn't as ugly as she sounded. Is that not a compliment? How odd! 🤔
Elizabeth Molloy 8 years ago
A compliment? "You're not as ugly as I thought you were going to be" is NOT a compliment!
#99
Funny Women Comebacks
Adriana E. Henricy 8 years ago
that question makes so little sense. Like, is there a guide for it? LEVEL 1: kissing, LEVEL 2: missionary, etc etc???
Zenozenobee 8 years ago
Yep, sex is a rpg. You unlock achievement every time you try something new....And stupid men think that because you did something another guy it give them some kind of right to reach the same point, skipping the tuto or even the fact that you can simply deny them the chance to play.
Load More Replies... Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
I'm more interested in the very first line of this. What the heck are labor doodles?
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
I assume he's talking about labra-doodles or whatever the lab/poodle mix is called but labor doodles is just gives weird mental images.
Load More Replies... #100
Funny Women Comebacks
#101
Funny Women Comebacks
#102
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
While his requirement isn't unreasonable, being clean can't be the only reason to love to be her boyfriend. And what has he even said about himself and what he brings to the table? It's not often I hear someone say "riddled with". I love it.
#103
Funny Women Comebacks
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
this was the most colorful conversation yet too bad they love abusing vegetables so much
Markus McCloud 8 years ago
Does anyone else think "Disobedient Avocado" sounds like a username?
Melanie Weeks 8 years ago
Veggie?? Oh, lord. Avocados are Fruits, you twit.
Load More Replies... #104
Funny Women Comebacks
#105
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
She should have gone with a land mammal to be further from his bad joke. Unless she did that on porpoise.
#106
Funny Women Comebacks
Master Markus 8 years ago
"D**k is alright but have you tried filling your mouth with the words of the Lord?"
#107
Funny Women Comebacks
#109
Funny Women Comebacks
#110
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
The saddest part of this for me is that it looks like he already has a girlfriend in his picture.
#111
Funny Women Comebacks
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago
What is wrong with him? Pokémon is really fun!
Load More Replies... Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
"Licking your pussy personally"? No thanks, my cat can give himself his own tongue baths.
Marysia Jawłowska 8 years ago
TBH I consider this to be a cultural conversation concluded with a mutual understanding.
#113
Funny Women Comebacks
DramaNerd 3 years ago
A lot of men on dating apps with fish pics are also a-holes
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#114
Funny Women Comebacks
#115
Funny Women Comebacks
#116
Funny Women Comebacks
#117
Funny Women Comebacks
M O'Connell 8 years ago
If you had the Chipotle first, it would certainly make things more interesting, lol.
Laura Sherman 8 years ago
I'll give you an upvote, but also like say ewwww in response XD
Load More Replies... #118
Funny Women Comebacks
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
Damn, whyyyyyy. That's just sooo stupid. Talking like that and if she doesn't respond the way you want her to, you say something insulting.
CelSlade 8 years ago
I don't know why - it's a d******d thing. I tend to go for that particular class of man and every time I inevitably dump them they say 'well I never found you attractive anyway!' Even though they sang quite another tune while pursuing me!
Load More Replies... Laura Sherman 8 years ago
Rude! All guys should know the quickest way to a woman's heart is with Mozzarella sticks!
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
and the dumbass award goes to the guy who didn't get the lass some damn mozzarella sticks
faith_willie@icloud.com 4 years ago
His d**k probably isn’t the size of a mozzarella stick, he probably has no d**k 😂
#119
Funny Women Comebacks
#120
Funny Women Comebacks
Joseph Bills 7 years ago
Oh come one, this one was actually kinda clever, not overtly creepy, and self-aware at how terrible most pick up lines are.
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Holy heck what do we have to do to talk to actual humans these days? Stinking automated brainless c**p. :P
#121
Funny Women Comebacks
#123
Funny Women Comebacks
#124
Funny Women Comebacks
#125
Funny Women Comebacks
Santino Aznar 8 years ago
Why do people talk like this? It doesn't sound cool, isn't correct, and isn't even hot. Why? Baby is not a word to end all sentences with!
Marie-Louise Chenois 8 years ago
He started with "sexy", "baby" came later, probably he use it only when he feels the conversation gets more intimate...
Load More Replies... M O'Connell 8 years ago
The guy is a moron. If he had more than a dozen or so functioning brain cells, he would do some googling, learn some things, and message back something she might actually be impressed with... "Sign me up, I have some pretty good Demon Incense if you need any" might have gotten you somewhere.
It's Caturday 2.0 8 years ago
That was great! Can you just run my Tinder for me please!? Seriously
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#126
Funny Women Comebacks
#127
Funny Women Comebacks
Copper Vyxen 8 years ago
She obviously didn't want to talk about the D ;)
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#128
Funny Women Comebacks
#130
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
What lies do they teach you boys when they separate the boys from the girls to go have their different health classes? Most of us of the female persuasion don't care that much about size. It's the skills that pay the bills.
Chris J. Ford 8 years ago
They actually don't teach us much at all. I'd say that's why there are so many of these idiots.
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#132
Funny Women Comebacks
Errorsaurus 8 years ago
I think he was asking for nudes off the bat and then decided that she might be more comfortable if she had some (albeit minimal) clothes on. Still dumb, though.
Load More Replies... #133
Funny Women Comebacks
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago (edited)
The poor dog. As a dog who is simultaneously dead and alive, I feel empathy for this dog who is half naked. [Translated from Arf. To report a mistranslation, go to translate.translate/report/arf
#134
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
The word cleavage made me think that the word cleave is a contronym that means to separate and to put together. Yeah, just going off on weird tangents like some of these smart girls.
#135
Funny Women Comebacks
Lianita Tugotone 8 years ago
Hey don't judge the guy, it is not his fault. His parents are obviously siblings.
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
Pizza a*s made me think of pizza face and I imagined an acne riddled tush.
absolutely not 8 years ago
I love it, they aren't self aware enough to realise they're being blown off, instead, they just assume the lady is dumb.
#136
Funny Women Comebacks
Amélie Hunter-Ward 3 years ago
what are you talking about? everyone knows that wouldn't work, printers just don't function!
#137
Funny Women Comebacks
#138
Funny Women Comebacks
#139
Funny Women Comebacks
#140
Funny Women Comebacks
Mark Dickinson 8 years ago
My sister once had a creep like this on her Tinder. She asked for him to send her a pic. He did. She replied "Here's a picture of a Boob" and sent his picture back to him.
#141
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
As long as she's not eating Doritos in bed. All that powder and crumbs would be a nightmare. Other than that, her priorities are spot on.
#142
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
But what if they were equally epic like pictures of kittens playing table tennis????
#143
Funny Women Comebacks
#144
Funny Women Comebacks
#145
Funny Women Comebacks
Neil Murtagh 8 years ago
could have sent a picture of Kryton from Red Dwarf kryton-59b...60f389.jpg 
#146
Funny Women Comebacks
#147
Funny Women Comebacks
#148
Funny Women Comebacks
Claire Cover 7 years ago
Have him buy you a bra then dump him cause bras are flipping expensive!
#149
Funny Women Comebacks
#150
Funny Women Comebacks
Willie D'Kay 8 years ago
I was going to say a working woman IS super sexy but then I thought, why is she making personal texts on company time?
Laura Burgett 3 years ago
Some of us are trustworthy enough to have jobs in which we can come and go as we please, use our phones, check facebook, even watch netflix, as long as we get our work done.
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What do you think ?
Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
It always shocks me at how socially inept anyone can be. Have these people no insight into the working of human interaction?
Rich McCormick 8 years ago
Gay men, like myself, have had to endure all that s**t too... men are just about sex and food and farting allot of the times.... so shallow. I loved all of these come backs and TRUST when I say if there were cell phones and apps back when I was young I would have been just as ruthless! lmao
Olli Westphal 8 years ago
I'm really curious if there actually are women out there who genuinely respond to these individuals with said nudes or request.
Ben Smith 8 years ago
There definitely are...but they might not always be the type of woman you'd want to take home to mom. Then again, the guys sending those requests probably aren't either.
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Allie Orona 8 years ago
Because it's prominent in my life, I'm so damn sick of how people treat other people like sexual objects, with only the intention of sex. I am not a sex object. We are not sexual objects. We are all human being with complex minds and hearts and souls and sex alone is not going to fulfill that complexity.
Jonathan Eatsalot 8 years ago
Wow, the internet brings adults together.............and then turns them back into children
Eric Sandberg 8 years ago
Yes. I've had a couple of exes ask for some while dating. I can't say I've ever had one requested before hooking up, though.
Load More Replies... Tiny Dynamine 8 years ago
It always shocks me at how socially inept anyone can be. Have these people no insight into the working of human interaction?
Rich McCormick 8 years ago
Gay men, like myself, have had to endure all that s**t too... men are just about sex and food and farting allot of the times.... so shallow. I loved all of these come backs and TRUST when I say if there were cell phones and apps back when I was young I would have been just as ruthless! lmao
Olli Westphal 8 years ago
I'm really curious if there actually are women out there who genuinely respond to these individuals with said nudes or request.
Ben Smith 8 years ago
There definitely are...but they might not always be the type of woman you'd want to take home to mom. Then again, the guys sending those requests probably aren't either.
Load More Replies... Allie Orona 8 years ago
Because it's prominent in my life, I'm so damn sick of how people treat other people like sexual objects, with only the intention of sex. I am not a sex object. We are not sexual objects. We are all human being with complex minds and hearts and souls and sex alone is not going to fulfill that complexity.
Jonathan Eatsalot 8 years ago
Wow, the internet brings adults together.............and then turns them back into children
Eric Sandberg 8 years ago
Yes. I've had a couple of exes ask for some while dating. I can't say I've ever had one requested before hooking up, though.
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