You get into an argument with someone, the two of you are going at each other back and forth, and they get you so riled up that you suddenly can't think of a good comeback. Until you're taking a shower two years later.
There's actually a French term for this called l'esprit de l'escalier. It describes the feeling you get when you come up with the perfect reply after the fact.
We've all been there. It's devastating.
So let's take a moment and pay our respects to the people who can, in fact, deliver the goods on the spot. Taken from the appropriately titled subreddit r/MurderedByWords, here are some of the best ways to end a disagreement.
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Australians Are Easily Offended
Because God Told Me To
Witty comebacks can not be planned. They are made in the moment. In a heated argument, timing is everything and that means your answer must be as fast as the words that surprised you. But somewhat counterintuitively, the key to coming up with a winning retort is to hone your listening skills.
According to Abigail Paul, the artistic director at the Theatre Language Studio (TLS) in Frankfurt, people think faster than others speak, giving the listener "extra time" to compose an answer, even while they give the appearance of still listening to what the other person is saying.
Consider this: how many times have you been on a conference call and already had an idea to share, an answer to a question or a solution to a problem before the person on the line has even finished his sentence? The same listening skills and thought processes apply when a conversation turns sour and you need to defend yourself.
What Makes Fetal Heartbeat So Special?
And the baby they saved could have become a serial killer. So that argument is completely pointless.
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Can we not forget that the biggest part of the "I want to control your body" herd are the same people as the "I don't want to wear a mouthcover, you have no rights over my body" herd
The same despicable herd that also wants to be sure everyone has a f*****g gun.
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And then... there's the opposite end of the spectrum. They could have been Hitler, or Stalin, or Mao, or Trump... or perhaps even the person who wrote this dumb tweet.
The woman who has to drop out of med school because her body autonomy was removed would have treated many cancer patients and saved them.
Or a woman that died during childbirth that was told the pregnancy was high risk, yet forced to keep her pregnancy despite knowing her pregnancy was life threatening.
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By the first writer's logic, one should keep having children, just in case one might cure cancer. Do they really think one of the Duggars will become a medical researcher? The argument doesn't take into account that talent must be discovered and nurtured, too. What are the chances that children in poverty or in foster homes will be given the encouragement and the financial means to attend medical school? Will the writer be there to help them?
I highly doubt it. Given the number of children in foster care awaiting adoption, pro-lifers prove themselves to be, in truth, only pro-birth. "Pro-lifers" and their mouth-piece bought-and-paid-for politicians don't seem to give a rat's a*s about kids once they take their first breath. Loook at their voting and funding records with regard to children's issues. Gods forbid you should hurt the unborn "babies", the actual living ones can rot.
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And as punishment for women having sex, too. SO pro-life of them, using children to punish women!
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Fetuses DON'T have an heartbeat. They are only a clump of cells with electrical activity. No heartbeat!
At the end of the 8th week after fertilization (10 weeks of pregnancy), the embryo is considered a fetus.
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The baby could also be Hitler so there's that. If there are good possibilities then there are bad ones
No one should have to waste their time on ventures they didn't want to do in the first place
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…or the 14 year old teenage mother who dropped out of high school because she had to raise an unplanned child.
Forced-Birthers don't care about actually born humans. Witness no paid maternity leave and the worst maternity-related death rates in the developed world. I could go on, but I'm sure everyone can do the same googling.
At this point, they're just incels. They're furious that we had sex, but not with them, so we deserve to be shamed and punished. Abort Conservative men!
Load More Replies... If anyone knows who George Carlin is he once had a thing about abortion and he said(not exactly just around): the Republican Party is all about the fetus but after you are born it's f**k you. Right until you are eighteen and old enough for service then you are just the guy they have been looking for. They want live babies to raise into dead soldiers.
The baby that is aborted may have cured cancer, but that is if it is provided with proper food, shelter, education and encouragement. If it's not going to get that from the person who is carrying the child, what's the point. So many conservatives encourage these women to have the babies....but where are they after the baby is born? You're so concerned while it's in the womb..but once it's born, you could care less if that child is properly cared for. Unless you are willing to adopt all of these children that you are forcing these women to have, then stfu and mind your own business.
Not all heart beats are equal. According to white republicans, if you're not one of them, your heartbeat is not as important.
Any one of those children who have been murdered while just being at school could have cured cancer too.
To these kinds of people, if you're not a straight conservative white person who's into racism, bigotry, Fox News and hypocrisy while clutching a beer, a bible and a gun, you don't rate.
This is what I tell fetus-obsessed idiots like this: because I had an abortion, I got therapy, went back to school, got my BA, and ended up in an Ivy League grad program, then, eventually, an Oxbridge school for my PhD. I'm now a leading scholar in my field, happily married, travel all over, and am healthy and happy. None of that would have happened if I'd had a kid then. Really, who cares about a fetus? LOOK WHO I GREW UP TO BE.
The woman who had to give up her schooling/job/food/peace of mind to carry and give birth to a baby because she was denied an abortion could have cured cancer.
The baby you abort could also have been the next Hitler and you just saved millions of lives. This argument is the dumbest thing I've heard.
“'The unborn" are a convenient group of people to advocate for.…They are, in short, the perfect people to love if you want to claim you love Jesus but actually dislike people who breathe. Prisoners? Immigrants? The sick? The poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups that are specifically mentioned in the Bible? They all get thrown under the bus for the unborn” -Dave Barnhart
I don't understand why it is okay to "unplug" patients on life support who have a heartbeat, but not okay to unplug a fetus
Jesus it’s amazing the person who replied knew about all these things OP had done. Get off the internet and call the fukking police!
The woman who died because she didn’t get an abortion when she needed it could have cured cancer. The woman who never went to university because she had to work to support the child she didn’t want could have cured cancer. The child in foster care who got no support and ended up in prison could have cured cancer. Etc. etc.
The replier has a very good point. However, to be fare it is an over-generization. There are many many organizations that are pro-life and also champion the foster child, the orphan, the single parent, and the immigrant. (less so LGBQ specific unfortunately but I know of 1 in my small denomination so there are some out there) However, Christian organizations need to step up our game on all of these for there is such a huge need.
We sure do greatly differ and often narrowly define “sanctify for human life” and it’s almost always contingent on how much of an inconvenience it is.
Right? So how many of you are willing to adopt the kids a woman wanted to abort?
It is sad, a lot of these "fetuses are people" people do not care about them after they are born, they adopt that wonderful mindset of it's your problem now not mine
All life is important and miraculous. If more people realized this, there would likely be a drop in crime against others and more church attendance. The 10 Commandments apply to everyone, not just a select few. Failure to follow God is a certain disaster. Don't kill yourself, go to church.
I wouldn't assume every pro lifer is anti gay. I don't agree with pro life. But I also don't agree with making assumptions. The world isn't black and white
This argument (reply) is illogical, though. Just because someone is against abortion doesn't mean that they have done anything to harm another human being with a heartbeat. Generally speaking, those pro-life people are pro-life for all.
The woman who was forced to carry her rapist's child and never recovered physically or psychologically could have cured cancer.
What about all the kids I decided not to conceive by taking contraceptives? What did I deprive the world of with all of them?
Exactly to whoever the replying person here is - every single one of these lives - born and unborn matter
The little girl with big dreams who nobody helped when she was forced to marry underage. The trans kid who felt forced to stop living because they wouldn't let them express their true self. The teenage girl nobody believed when she said she was being stalked, and ended up being murdered. The poor young adult who wanted to study Medicine but couldn't because they had no money to enter college. All of them also could've done so much, but idiots like OP didn't allow them to.
That child may have cured cancer, but big pharma won't let it happen.
They could also be Hitler. Or a banker. Or a doctor. Or they could work at Wendy's for their whole lives. What the hell is this fantasy argument???
Or the woman had to drop out of college and therefor never could do the research for the cure
That is some dumb reasoning there, as "the fetus you abort could have been the next Hitler" is equally valid
Not likely because you would have refused to pay for their healthcare, food, housing and education.
The baby you abort could also have been the next Hitler, and you saved millions of lives. This argument is so dumb.
FFS the baby that didn't get conceived because you were both two knackered that night could have cured cancer. Think of all the babies that would have grown up loved and valued that never even got conceived. That argument is p.i.s.s. poor and annoys me just for that.
Only God knows when life happens, every life taken has consequences so choose love instead
Not everyone believes in God, and if you read the bible, God has little to do with love and everything to do with killin' babies. Keep your looney beliefs to yourself.
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Or how about this one, "The baby you aborted would have grown up to rape and murder 25 people, but at least it was aborted". It's so funny how anti-choicers always come up with the scenario that every aborted fetus would have become a "great person", even though the potential to be born evil is just as strong as the ones who are born good.
Looks like some people didn't like me speaking the truth. 🙄
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That wasn't Obama, that was Cheeto Voldemort's idea.
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No human is "illegal". Why does it matter if that fetus is possibly American if you are allegedly "pro-life"? Does that make any pregnant woman's fetus in the world American if she is visiting the country since life allegedly begins at conception? Do you see how asinine this anti abortion argument is?
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Yeah Homie
If two kids are playing and one has a stick( knowing sticks have the ability to be dangerous), don't you take the stick. If you give them both sticks, something bad will happen. Same with guns
A 16 Year Old Takes Her Shot And Politely Dispatches Her Belittling Elders
Preach sister. That's the sanest thing I've heard all day. Good for you
The question is how to refocus that extra time you have while you're listening.
"Most of us don't listen to the whole message, we are just waiting to make our own points. There is no magic bullet to getting better at listening besides practice," Paul, who teaches improvisation theatre techniques, told the BBC.
One strategy to perfect your listening skills is through a simple game of one-word volleyball, where two people build a story by rapidly taking turns to add a word to what the other said immediately before. The game forces you to listen actively and respond spontaneously.
First Knees, Then Ankles
Oh No! Abort, Ab- Oh Wait
Nope, Not Benny Boy
Rumoured to be a doctor? Wow how to demean someone in one passive aggressive sentence. What an a*s.
Fatality, Fatality
I'm a man, and I've loved fruity drinks since 1997. Since when has fruit been a problem?
"The goal is that we let go of our own ego and our own ideas because a huge part of listening is that you really have to be willing to be changed by what's being said," Paul explained.
In the case of snide remarks, if you know your colleague has a tendency to make them, train your brain to listen to his or her words carefully and be prepared to quickly defuse the situation. "You take away the control factor," she said.
Yes, Well, You See, I'm Never Wrong
In that case we can take care of those pro lifers* loads water gun of grape juice* since none of them are civil
So Simple
No, No. He's Got A Point
Dumbass. Couldn't Think Of Anything Wittier
If a colleague tells you, "Oh that’s real smart," Paul says she might try responding with this: "Thanks. I don't always receive praise for my intelligence."
Or "That’s the best you can do?" But you can also try: "I'm afraid so. Where do we go from here?"
Don't Be That Guy
Greatest Country In The World!
In parts of Africa we have harmattan. In the US you have " thousand are killed by a reckless government who is more like a corporation than a government" season. I'll take chapped lips over bullets in geometry any day
I Know, It's Absolutely Bonkers
Preacher Speaking God's Word
Ugh, I'm honestly so tired of these nutters coming in here and shoving their religion in our faces.
Another idea is to try and forget your pride and raise the status of the other person. "Status" used in this sense comes from the rules of improvisation theatre, where you have to make your stage partner look good.
Let's say a manager or colleague takes a swipe at you repeatedly. Paul suggests the "status move," which is best conveyed in tone of voice.
They Always Forget About That Part
More humans to work multi jobs for less than minimum wage and live in misery without healthcare paid for. Maybe bring back child labour and really stop the rot of human rights. Next on the list stop women having property rights. In for a penny etc.
Armadillos Are Funny Looking Animals
You don't have to be part of the people to want rights for them, you selfish clodhopper
They Should Know How To Survive Without One Person
Guilting people into staying at work? Tsk tsk, I expected better, capitalism
Louder With Dumbass
"You could respond to 'Would you suggest something better?' with 'Well, I see you've got some great ideas already, but I think we could perhaps make the whole thing work even better,'" said Paul.
"Of course, with the wrong tone, they would all come out nasty. It's not really about the text, so much as it is the tone."
Peta Being Peta
She Works At Mcdonalds
The Hunger Games was meant to inspire us...so let's let it. The elites must pay...us for our efforts
Economics Are Hard
Minimum wage won't cause inflation. Capitalist greed causes inflation. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk
I Think He Just Did
There’s something to be said for killing someone with kindness and often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate, and most importantly, positive.
According to Belina Raffy, a business improvisation consultant who once worked with a condescending manager, when banter turns toxic, it kills all ideas in the office. Even worse, it leaves a negative drag on other people's energy and tears teams apart.
She Literally Wrote A Whole Song About It
Everyone should be allowed to wear whatever they want whenever they want but the world is judgemental and so they criticise people just because of their clothing. People reading this, know that your body is your choice and you can wear whatever you want anytime. Feel free to express yourself, but please never judge people just because of their clothing.
Wendy's Being Wholesome Is Rather Unexpected
That's Because Australia Isn't Real
The Bible is actually dated back to the HUMAN THAT WROTE IT. Moron, I tell thee!!
Her Go To Work A**
Maybe you should stop taking photos of this poor woman doing her job. What a pervert.
When a negative comment is made in a work setting — where, hopefully, everyone wants to see projects succeed and keep their jobs — those comments usually come from a place of insecurity.
For example, a colleague may be unsure how to approach a particular task — he may believe that throwing the attention back to somebody else with a negative retort will remove the focus from his (real or perceived) ineptitude.
Weird Al Yankovic Destroys Kid Rock’s New Music Video
Got Hit With The "Come See Me After Class"
Science teachers need awards for how many of these morons they can educate
Completely And Totally Unnecessary
People who only consider their own survival from illness are both selfish and stupid. The point of vaccination is never for one specific individual to die or survive but to make sure a greater number total survives (and then there's all the people who won't have to live with whatever other issues the diseases might leave behind, like infertility, blindness, chronic fatigue and so on).
Millennials Are Ruining Population Stability
Positive comments are generally a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and negative interactions quickly cease. If a colleague says, "this project is going nowhere fast," you could say, "at least it's going and I intend to steer it in the right direction."
In fact, according to Raffy, positive witty comments build trust among colleagues, bosses, and subordinates, and they can turn a formerly harsh environment into an accepting one, where everyone’s opinion matters.
How Do Pronouns Work
Correlation ≠ Causation
No Statute Of Limitations On Murder
I'm just waiting for these pro lifers to have a loved one with a incompetent womb and no way to survive a pregnancy and see how they handle it
Don't Tag The Person You're Lying About
Nothing burns more than the person you talked about actually confirming its not true
Negative comments, however, do the opposite. "They increase tension, make a person feel excluded or inferior, and as though they are not in the 'in group' which is in the know," she pointed out.
Raffy recommends trying to reveal the "ridiculousness of the situation," without making the antagonist into the villain. It's much better to turn them into the "victim" of the absurd circumstances instead.
Well Yeah, The Whole Thing Was Crap To Begin With
As someone who got in trouble in 7th grade after a boy followed her into the bathroom because I was "annoying" him with my bubble necklace (he kicked me, in the girls' bathroom, but he was a good boy and that couldn't have been his fault) I find it very depressing that this is still where we are. And incidentally, I think any trans ladies I've shared a bathroom with would've helped me kick his a*s.
Languages Are Fun!
Math, Not Even Once
The Single Most British Murder I've Ever Seen
"The best retorts speakthe truth — when a person calls something that the other people didn't see," Paul said. "That's generally what makes us laugh."
And usually, that's the end goal of a witty comeback — to get people to laugh. A shared laugh is a great way to reduce tension. Of course, the "rules" for online banter are a bit different and you generally have more time to work with, but most of these principles still apply.
“Owning The Libs”
Who do you think want your shiny, eco friendly, no need for oil or oil companies car
Seriously? Ireland?!
Win-Win Situation
How pathetic. Just stop putting the rest of us in danger with your antivax b******t, ok??
Meet My Friend, Terry
Lemon Squeezy!
It is a common thing for wealthy people to believe poor people "just don't want to work". If you're the sort of person who might feel bad that you have eight cars and four houses while some people are struggling to feed their children, this helps you feel better about it without actually having to acknowledge that you got lucky and other people didn't.
God Has Nothing To Do With It
You Do You
Facts Aren't As Important As Your Narrative
Even if she was Egyptian, she still wouldn't be black, she would be tan. Americans need to understand that not all Africans are black and not all black people are African Americans.
Bro Hit Him With The Receipt
Note: this post originally had 70 images. It’s been shortened to the top 50 images based on user votes.
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
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As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
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I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
Well, if he was smarter he could reach "absolute nightmare" status, but since he is an idiot I suppose he is more like one of those crappy dreams you just want to get out of your head.
Load More Replies... As I read the posts I started with a headache. Further on and it evolved into a migrain. Then a brain tumor. At the end, I'm pretty sure I had a stroke. How do some people function!
I got so angry I couldn't keep reading any more of these... our world is possibly f****d
We ABSOLUTELY need to change some things so people have to be smarter to survive.
Because in some parts of the world, politics are destroying people's lives.
Load More Replies... I love freedom of speech for darker reasons. Identifying those with less gray matter than a bone dry skull in the desert is one of them.
That moron "pastor" misinterpreted every single one of the Bible passages it listed. What else can one expect, though, from someone who clearly practices self-righteousness along with its holier-than-thou attitude!?!
I just don't understand why people are fighting against things not realizing it could benefit "their side' too... You don't want more rights for group B? Ok fine, but that means group A gets less rights too. This is very much a "Jonny can cut the cake but Timmy gets to choose" So be fair to others, and understand whatever you do may come back to bite you
