50 Tweets That Won Comedy Gold This October

I was working from a scissor lift. We had the whole area coned off around us. People were still stepping over the barriers and walking underneath us... The voice in my head was going "drop the pliers...."

There probably are origin stories of the first thousand labels. Then the lawyers caught on, so now it's probably just that they brainstorm how many ways an idiot might misuse a thing and just put a warning on for all those things as a preventative measure.

In my hometown, there is now a sign along the lines of, 'No driving on [X] Avenue if you are a fire truck over seven tons' and that has a STORY behind it man

Remove all warnings... if you're stupid enough to do something that kills you as a result, then the average IQ of the planet just went up a fraction.

"This is Ted. Ted had a gerbil and then things went terribly wrong. That's why gerbils are now labeled 'for external use only'"

...and pictures would be helpful

I’m a teen and I definitely want someone to tell me exactly what to do cause I feel like I’m missing some stuff lol

Me as a 15-year-old: "I know everything!" Me as an adult: "I don't know anything! I need an adult. I need an adultier adult!"

I hate calling the tech help desk at work and I'm sure they hate getting calls from people like me. I can use a computer fine as long as the computer is working. So work program freezes and keeps crashing so On with tech support one day and they were asking for something clearly a number or code or something but I had no clue. So I told him to explain how to find what he was looking for like I was 4. Sometimes we just need 4 year old level help lol

Pretend I'm three years old .

and if you are in a group stay to the side of faster moving traffic

I am that mom too. I am always telling my kids not to be in the way and make sure they keep moving if there are a lot of people! It's call manners!

people have no 'situational awareness' anymore, just blunder through life and force everyone to get out or YOUR way

Ug! Cities with masses of humanity on the streets and in bars and restaurants. Population density is why COVID decimated New York before the vaccine was developed. Probably why rural people did not believe COVID was so bad was because many lived so spread out. They primarily caught it in church.

Yeah... my 17yo just asked me how to save a document, because she didnt know the floppy sign...

That power button is very difficult to master…

yes, yes we are

My son who lives across the country sends me emails with docs attached so I can print them and snail mail them to wherever they are supposed to go because he doesn't want to "hassle with a printer". Granted, printers are usually s%#t.

Welcome to Gen-X, you must be new here.

What an awesome guy!

Bro I'm now just imagining someone in full Miku cosplay and the TSA agent pretending to be Yoda with the Miku glow sticks, unexpected Vocaloid x Star Wars crossover

The year was 1979. I was in preschool. No goats came to my preschool. I wasn't at all sad about that until now

GOATTTTTT 🐐🐐🐐🐐🐐❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

That seems really cool, fun, gross all in one. Mostly cool and fun 🤩

Junior goat yoga.

Where is this? I want a goat!

Theres just a door in the second photo , key must be well hidden

Better idea: make a key hider that looks like doggy doo. No one will want to pick that up to look for a hidden key.

ohhhh! It took me a bit, but I now now that they were supposed to put it outside but instead they putt it inside!

just add a 'beware of dog' sign on the door

The apartment one needs to be a carpet tile, that matches badly.

I will be sitting in an old folks home one day and be listening to the RuneScape soundtrack with my buddies and the caretakers will be like "Ah they're listening to the music of their time again"

Plot twist, they're the pricipal of the school.