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We know how much you like good humor, dear Pandas, so we’ve cooked up a treat for you today. Once again, we’re featuring the El Arroyo restaurant’s legendary funny signs. It was a tough task picking out the best signs from the newest crop because they’re all so deliciously hilarious, but we’ve definitely got the crème de la crème for you to enjoy.
The El Arroyo restaurant is based in Austin, Texas, and has been serving up comedy alongside mouth-watering Tex-Mex dishes since 1975. Remember to upvote your favorite pics as you scroll down. And go ahead and read Bored Panda’s interview with British comedy writer and author Ariane Sherine who told us about the pros of having a limited space or time frame to work with, like when putting together a witty one-liner on a marquee sign.
When you’re done digesting this list, you might find that you’re still hungry for some more El Arroyo humor. You’ll find Bored Panda’s most recent articles about the restaurant’s signs right here, here, and here for dessert. And of course, if you’ve got any sign ideas that you’d love to submit to El Arroyo, you can do that right over here.
More info: ElArroyo.com | Instagram | Facebook | Twitter
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Oliver Ruddell 3 years ago
The people who think that Ukraine is full of Nazis really don't realize that president Zelenskyy is legitimately Jewish 🤦
Sinkvenice 3 years ago
Putin always knew a hashtag AND thoughts and prayers would eventually be the end of him, the war's over! Let's give ourselves a huge pat on the back, we've done it lads :-D
Bacony Cakes 3 years ago
Studies show your member will expand up to five times as long as it previously was if you stop invading Ukraine. For Putin, this would mean that he would have a normal-sized one.
RELATED:
#2
Space Whale 3 years ago (edited)
I hate most people EDIT: Except for bored pandas , u guys are nice
IlovemydogShilo 3 years ago
The more I live, the more I can understand why the Grinch wanted to live alone in a cave with his dog.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
No, actually, he hated Christmas. He hated being reminded of happiness. In fairness, I wonder about the backstory relationship between the Grinch and the whos: had he rejected invites? How did he come to live alone? Are there other grinches? If so, was he outcast by them? How much contact is there normally between grinches and whos?
Mary Peace 3 years ago
Please Mr Marsh, when do our essays have to be handed in?
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McGovernor 3 years ago
"You cant trust people, people voted for the nazis and listen to coldplay"
#3
Space Whale 3 years ago (edited)
Like who needs 9 twelve packs of toilet paper EDIT:It's Karen. Karen needs that much toilet paper
Mazer 3 years ago
HA, a couple o months after the pandemic started as well as the run on toilet paper 😜 Our local Costco had signs all over saying they can not take back the any of the giant packages of toilet paper some purchased. BONUS: you have ammo if you want to throw TP on your annoying neighbors home next Halloween
Poultry Geist 3 years ago
I just used my husbands clothes he loves to leave on the bathroom floor ! (#1 only )…
Chris Jones 3 years ago
That sounds like it is getting a bit too frustrating for you. Maybe at least leave them there... when he has to walk over piles of clothes he might get the hint.
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GoddessOdd 3 years ago
I will never forgive the TP hoarders, and the hand sanitizer hoarders, and all the other hoarders who made an already difficult situation worse.
Susanne B 3 years ago
They are hard to forgive, but you should do so. They were afraid and should be pitied.
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Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Asked supermarket employee where the nuts were, he told me in the toilet paper aisle!
Enea 3 years ago
In Europe, we now have the same thing over flour and sunseed oil. People never learn...
Kim Lorton 3 years ago
I still don’t like, that toilet paper makers, even Costco, made their rolls shorter, with less toilet paper on the roll! Happened to have a package pre pandemic I found, then noticed that it was larger than what they are currently selling! Scott tissue also, all of them! Provide less product for more money! That is price gouging to me. And completely unfair. We need it, so they decide to hold consumers hostage for it. Make smaller rolls and shorter rolls, and let’s charge more for it! We’ll get rich faster! Screw that. If the economy stabilizes, I am going to reconsider what I need and where I get it.
Comedy writer Ariane, from the United Kingdom, told Bored Panda that the shorter the joke, the better it tends to be. In other words, the fact that El Arroyo’s sign has very limited space for just a few words can actually be a huge advantage. Especially as people’s attention spans keep getting shorter and shorter.
“There's a saying: 'Brevity is the soul of wit'. Often, keeping things short and snappy is the key to making them funny,” the comedy expert explained to us. "Even more so these days, as people have short attention spans and there's so much content competing for their attention.”
#4
jon gilbertson 3 years ago
phases of guys getting older: 1. disposable razor once a week. 2. twice a week, three times if you have a date. 3. ugh, I'm getting an electric. 4. i need an electric with nose hair trimmer. 5. ahh who gives a crap, ill play Santa this year.
GoddessOdd 3 years ago
It's funny that no matter how old I get, I never quite reach "OLD"... old age is always at least a couple years away.
d bradley 3 years ago
i'm in the grocery store minding my own business until i realize i'm the old guy that talks to everybody like they really wanna hear me
GoddessOdd 3 years ago
OMG... I seldom leave the house since Covid, but I went to Whole Foods and found myself chatting to the poor 18 year old cashier as if he gave an eff about why I was there! Old person vibe hit me like a brick!
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Jessica Cifelli 3 years ago
Being a kid thinking 30 was old and now I actually am 31 and yeah mentally I'm not old but physically I feel very old
Paula McNeely 3 years ago
Just you wait sweetheart. You've got decades to go
Load More Replies... PaulDownTheHall 3 years ago
And some of those geezers are crafty. They hide in your bathroom mirror.
#5
David Brown 3 years ago
She was such a sweet amazing woman. She lived her life on her terms and made a hell of a go at it. We lost a national treasure when we lost her. I'm gonna go for a cry now.
Dale-Harriet Rogovich 3 years ago
No, but "thoughtful and endearing" counts.
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#6
Space Whale 3 years ago (edited)
For me it's my big toe. Fun fact : I only cried for an hour last time I stubbed my toe
Laugh or not 3 years ago
I broke a toe once on a door. My scream woke my dad up.
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Bella Jones 3 years ago
Yep. My right little toe once checked the position of a rock. The rock was happy where it was.
Brandi VanSteenwyk 3 years ago
The second function is to remind you -- often in the dark (little toe NEVER sleeps when there are tasks at hand) -- that you forgot to put away this or that inexplicably-heavy item. Third function: Keeping Emergency Rooms -- and the humorous situations that partake of them -- open and active 24/7.
Sundew the Lesbian Dragon 3 years ago (edited)
Humans should have evolved without pinkie toes at this point. They serve no purpose except for almost being ripped off by X piece of furniture
Mary Peace 3 years ago
If we had one fewer toe on each foot, the 4th toe would be the pinkie.
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Michael Sanders 3 years ago
Classic.. I used to live in Austin and would check everyday to see if there was a new sign
Spiffsmom 3 years ago
Dark hotel room and a refrigerator 1900 miles from home.
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Julia Mckinney 3 years ago
I dislocated my little toe stepping over my husband's feet once. He had shoes on, I was barefoot. To this day, our running joke is that he complains I kicked him.
However, just because a joke is short doesn’t automatically mean that it’s going to get the audience roaring with laughter. The comedian has to strike a balance between brevity and being informative.
“It's great to be concise, but when making a short joke or one-liner, ensure you've included all the information necessary. There's no point in making your quip short if it doesn't contain enough info for the joke to work!” the comedy writer told Bored Panda.
#7
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
They say X marks the spot, but with enough hard work and bleach you won't even leave a stain
#8
Robyn Bowns 3 years ago
Crazy enough some how you kids manage to find footage from then and meme it, but back in the day if you missed it you were out of luck while everyone else was hyped about what they saw.
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Legoinsinööri 3 years ago
I was at summer camp when I could've seen Return of The Jedi for the first time. It took years for me to see it after that. :(
ToyWyvern 3 years ago
There were one-shot specials that really only aired once, from important shows like Roots, to animated specials like The Devil and Daniel Mouse. If you missed it, You Missed It. These days, viva Youtube!
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Mary Peace 3 years ago
Re-run of number 10 about being old. I remember my friend's little 3yo in tears, because she could watch a VIDEO over and over, but the programme that just finished, had gone forever.
Deanna Crichley 3 years ago
Like when the President came in in Prime Time! He was on ALL 3 channels!
#9
Kenistyn Watson 3 years ago
This is 100% me... I can't sleep at night, but then in the morning, all I want to do is sleep.
madbakes 3 years ago
The only thing that gets me to bed at a reasonable time is knowing that if I don't follow my dogs' sleep schedules, I will sleep very, very little.
Load More Replies... GoddessOdd 3 years ago
someone said, to build character, do two things every day that you don't want to do... I've chosen going to bed and getting up as my two.
“Also, it's all the more important to make sure you don't stumble over your words when delivering the quip, as there are fewer of them,” she added that there’s another element to keep track of when you take your jokes from text and turn them into speech.
In Ariane’s view, whether we prefer short-form comedy like El Arroyo’s or long-form jokes is all down to individual taste.
“Some comics love telling long rambling stories, and others tell snappy one-liners. I personally like one-liners but I find that watching a comic come out with 20 minutes of them can get a bit wearing. Each to their own!”
#10
Jennifer Millner 3 years ago
The things we didn't appreciate until it was too late.
Load More Replies... cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
Whenever I do that, everyone panics. I suppose, just dropping to the floor for a nap in a shopping centre is not really a good idea
Auntriarch 3 years ago
Also don't do it at work, you can't be sure who will get it into their heads to try resuscitation on you, don't ask me how I know
Load More Replies... Trisha Howson 3 years ago
I know right kids have no idea they have so much energy and here I am Jesus I wish I could be like y'all and have someone beg me to take a nap lol
Elyce 3 years ago
I 100% took naps for granted as a kid. Now all I want is a nap but I can’t because I’m always busy with school and basketball and babysitting and a bunch of other stuff. And my sleep schedule is messed up anyways.
Caspian Walver 3 years ago
I miss the days when I could poop in the toilet and people would praise me for it, it’s the little things guys
David Brown 3 years ago
I'm an adult that takes naps without the need for any kind of acknowledgement whatsoever. It's absolutely amazing.
KombatBunni 3 years ago
Naps as a kid were punishment, naps as an adult are almost a requirement..
#11
Happy Daihatsu 🇺🇦 3 years ago
mine is random shows for kids (yes I am too old for them, no I will not stop watching them)
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Leslie Burleson 3 years ago
Or studying how to survive a murder ? That's what I'm telling the cops . Um .... I mean , what I WOULD tell them , if I was a murderer , which I'm not ! I'm totally not .
#12
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
Cheese is a taste of heaven, why shan’t we be able to enjoy the flavour of heaven?
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Who Panda 420 3 years ago (edited)
I heard a reporter on the news one time and say that cheese is the crack of the dairy world LOL I laughed so hard!
Dagnirath 3 years ago
I read that cheese literally affects the same areas of the brain as hard drugs, so they're not wrong.
Load More Replies... Mary Peace 3 years ago
I don't like butter and I could live without cheese. (I like Babybel cheeses) But when I've emptied the margarine tub, I could fill it with the fake people, and put the lid on. Would that work?
David Brown 3 years ago
Don't judge me for loving fake cheese. Cheese whiz is one of the greatest things ever to grace this planet.
Some time ago, Lisa McLendon, the William Allen White Professor of Journalism and Mass Communications at the University of Kansas explained to Bored Panda what the most important things are when making any sign.
"Clarity and brevity are essential. You only have a second or two to get your message across, so you want people to understand quickly with zero confusion," the professor told Bored Panda that signs have to be to-the-point and without any unnecessary details that could distract from their message.
#13
snarkiest hot head 3 years ago
my passwords before: pUpP13s 4ev@h & r@ainbow%uni(0rn$ my passwords now: 123abc
Natalia A 3 years ago
'The new password cannot be the same as your old password'. Rage inducing words.
GoddessOdd 3 years ago
Especially frustrating when you need a new password because it didn't recognize that password... but now suddenly, it's the same?
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Blackstone 3 years ago
When they tell me I can't reuse a password, I make my password me cussing them out. It's cathartic at least. Example: F***YouBPYouSuckA$$ (not any of my real passwords)
Panda Cat 3 years ago (edited)
I remember our web page designer putting a similar new password to our website when he had to make some security changes. Now that was something I could have never come up with in a million years, I bet no one could except a web designer 🤣. I really liked it. Unfortunately none of us could really remember it and all of us struggled to type it so we had to change it to something far less... well... strong!
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Valley Girl 3 years ago
This is the point where all my passwords become long cussing rants with a 666! at the end
#14
BigMamaDave X 3 years ago
Saw one that said, "You've read my shirt. That's enough social interaction between us."
Load More Replies... David Brown 3 years ago
That's how I like it. Friendly conversation can be absolutely exhausting.
Luther von Wolfen 3 years ago
I explained to a coworker that I was not talking to her because if the Golden Rule. It didn't make her happy.
#15
Ellis Tamura 3 years ago
It sucks. You run in a circle for 30 minutes. Then MAYBE you'll get an otter pop or something.
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Mimi La Souris 3 years ago (edited)
there would be no sports doctor if sport was good for health ! such as oncologists for cancer, urologists for urinary and neurologists for married persons :D
May 3 years ago
True - all the people I know who do/did sports habitually, have chronic pain from some sports-related injury. I remain uninjured and pain free.
Load More Replies... Caspian Walver 3 years ago
I literally feel like I’m dying whenever I run #asthma, and one times for our school fun run we made it a color run so people would chuck colored powder at us, and I just fell on the ground and stayed there 😭
Whitey Black 3 years ago (edited)
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass. -- David Lee Roth
Steve Fischer 3 years ago
If you lived in a house with four kids and an indifferent spouse, running away is your only option even if you have to come back
Thomas Ewing 3 years ago
But folks coming out of church are so happy? I gotta find out what's going on...
"Don’t carve an error in stone. It’s embarrassing and expensive to fix. Proofreading before you produce, whether it’s stone or not, is absolutely necessary," she noted that proofreading is cheaper and easier than fixing costly mistakes down the line.
#16
Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
White shirt,”you are merely tasting the food, i was born in it, molded by it”
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Nicole Weymann 3 years ago
Hawai'i shirts really are perfect dining wear (food stain camouflage)
Persephone 3 years ago
Hahaha!!! 😆 love it! Have horses, and they ALWAYS find the person in a white shirt to sneeze on! Maybe white shirts just feel very "tissue"...
Eva Bryson 3 years ago
Every time I have on a white T-shirt and eat spaghetti, one wears the other.
Auntriarch 3 years ago
But at least they keep the food away from your lap
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#17
Leslie Crittenden 3 years ago
This is very old, it turned up in senior quotes in my yearbook in 1975
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Tiny Dancer 3 years ago
Attributed to many people, but this quote started life in the 1930s via reporter Walter Winchell: "Your New York Correspondent, who wishes to remind celebrities that it is swell to be important — but more important to be swell!" From here (I love me a good quote attribution): https://quoteinvestigator.com/2017/04/12/nice/
"Choose your font with readability in mind. It should be clear and readable at a distance; you don’t want to make people puzzle through a swirly script," the professor added that the font can make or break any sign.
#19
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
And spilling it all over the keyboard, makes nothing work!
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AnnaBanana 3 years ago
Yes, I suffer from bad Drink and Shop Syndrome too...
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SamanthaStillNotBoredPanda. 3 years ago
Oh god , those are the days I regret massively. Thank goodness I kicked it .
Bobbie Meyers 3 years ago
Yep, sent stupid text, bought things I shouldn't have. When drinking, hide the phone.
#20
Polar_bear_lover 3 years ago
Of COURSE sticks and stones can't break your bones! That is the flashlights job!!!
Load More Replies... Allen Lavine 3 years ago
Nowadays they will call it child abuse but I've been called stupid dumb crazy ignorant just because I move the light a half a centimeter that showed me how to have tough skin
Lola 3 years ago
That was never ok. That hurt you in many ways you don’t even realize.
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GoddessOdd 3 years ago
My dad used to give me something "very important"...like a screwdriver or something that he managed to convince me was mission critical, to hold while I watched him work. When he was finished, he'd pretend to use the important tool so I would feel like a successful helper. One of the things he did really well.
snarkiest hot head 3 years ago
"no, hold it closer idiot! you're pointing it at my eye! stop moving around, it's shaking the beam! i might as well hold it with my nose hairs!"
Mark Erwin 3 years ago
OMG Stop! I read it again and I hated my self afterwards HAHAHAHAHA
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June’s Very Own 3 years ago
Whew. I’m going to relieve my trauma just to explain this to you fellow panda. Basically when you are younger and your dad is doing a job, you are asked to hold the flashlight for him. If you move even an inch it is followed by yells and curses it was so traumatising.
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Michael Fuhry 3 years ago
Lol, I'm feeling this one. That time he asked me to help him when he had to take apart the dryer to replace the driveshaft bushing...keeping the bushing in place, as he pushed the shaft (still attached to the very unwieldy drum) into both the bushing and its respective housing mount...woof..."carpaltunnelsandwitchdiseasevectorteaspoonchannellocksleftfrontfenderoverdrafttornado!!!" Apparently, only number two son was available for this important task.
#21
Jennifer Millner 3 years ago
I don't either, but I still have to go there for a state ID.
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Steve Fischer 3 years ago
The DMV wouldn't accept my birth certificate from the hospital where I was born even though it was notorized and had both my hand and foot prints immortalized in ink
Maryanna Baldridge 3 years ago
You can give them proof of address 3 times over but it is never the "right" proof of address. I mean, who would be sending me my mortgage statement at that address if I didn't live there? It is literally the bill for the address they just sent the letter to with my name on it that matches my driver's license!!!!!!! Nope, come back tomorrow with a different type of evidence.
Brie Sansotta 3 years ago
I was just there yesterday (US version). I gave him 4 IDs with address. He wanted another one! Sheesh!
Marilyn Kelly 3 years ago
It took 2 trips, my birth certificate, my marriage license, 3 months of bank statements, my passport and a number of forms to get my Real ID in Illinois. I’m surprised they didn’t fingerprint me and do a background check!
Vicki Perizzolo 3 years ago
the DMV in Redlands CA is awesome - in and out in less than 20 minutes!
Whawhawhatsis 3 years ago
It once took me from 8:00 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. to *almost* get my new driver's license when I changed states. And I only had to make three trips home for more paperwork!
Earlier, Bored Panda had spoken to Laura Schulte, the social media manager at El Arroyo. She was kind enough to tell us all about the iconic marquee sign that has become a local landmark.
The sign was put out on the street over a quarter of a century ago by the original owner of the restaurant. The goal was to promote the specials and to write funny quotes.
#22
Gin. No tonic 3 years ago
He was a lawyer before becoming a comedian. But turns out, it pays to have an actor as a president (he can really hit the emotional spot with all his speeches).
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
I don't think he's acting. It's about his country. It's about It's citizens and everything that's being destroyed by a manic. That doesn't require any acting.
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Panda-riffic 3 years ago
Oh, duh on my part! I thought they were talking about Chris Rock. ;-)
Cynthia Marrs 3 years ago
He's very popular in everyplace that gets to hear him. Too bad Russia won't let their people hear him, too.
#23
Leslie Parker 3 years ago
Just wake me when the conspiracy theory’s stop. Ok. Just don’t wake me.
MAKtheknife 3 years ago
If only I could be a bear; sleep through winter, have your babies without knowing it and eat as much as you want before going to bed.
Mary Peace 3 years ago
Do you want to be put in a box with some straw on top and put in the attic?
#24
IlovemydogShilo 3 years ago
If you dress like a cowboy then you are 1 fifth of the Village People.
Mary Peace 3 years ago
If you dress like a tree . . . are you branch dressing? I'll leaf it there.
Travis Hoff 3 years ago
Oh yes, thank you! I live in Wyoming were too many people dress like cowboys (for their office jobs). Can't wait to say something like, "nice ranch dressing, Steve"!
Whitey Black 3 years ago
There's nothing as sad as an Indian wearing a cowboy hat. -- George Carlin
justanormalpuggetnugget 3 years ago
why did i imagine a person wearing a costume of a legit ranch dressing tho
According to Laura, El Arroyo gets several sign idea submissions each day from people all over the globe. She told us that the staff picks the best by seeing “what makes us laugh and is most applicable to current events.”
#25
elysse stands with the ukraine 3 years ago
14 tabs are open, 5 are frozen and I have no clue where the musics playing from.
snarkiest hot head 3 years ago
and then "never gonna give you up" keeps playing somewhere... and you have to accept cookies. (the cookies aren't so bad, actually).
#26
leia's emotional cupcake 3 years ago
yes! I literally plan everything out. #overthinker
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JustAFan 3 years ago
Upvoting for your username. Are you my long lost twin?
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#27
Raven DeathShade 3 years ago
And after a while, vampires come out to play slip 'n slide. (I apologize for this joke.)
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Perhaps unsurprisingly, the most popular signs are those that most people can relate to. “We've seen a lot of success with our signs about past elections, and current events such as commentary on the pandemic,” the social media manager told Bored Panda.
#29
Vicky Z 3 years ago
Last time i went to a party we danced to the new hit "macarena"
Load More Replies... GoddessOdd 3 years ago
Part of getting old... we used to drop acid... now we drop antacid, and sneak out of parties to go home.
Tiffany Robertson 3 years ago
Literally the only good thing about having MS, nobody has the guts to question my absence
#30
TheEndIsNigh 3 years ago
Omg! So much this! I never realized it, but sometimes my dog will just stroll on by with this "deep in thought" look on his face like he's about to grab the car keys, make a quick stop at Starbucks, and then head into work for a morning meeting 🤣
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
How about when cats look at you like you just interrupted something very important and very private? Absurdly affectionate kitty nonetheless looks at me like, "WTH are YOU doing here?" a few times a day. And just as often, "Oh s--t! He's seen us! Run!"
Mary Peace 3 years ago
Absolutely. Or else they want you when you're busy, and nothing is more important than WHATEVER THEY WANT.
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Tonya Wallace 3 years ago
My niece's toy poodle. Her Mom calls her Miss Business(woman) everytime she walks by.
Rachel W B 3 years ago
My kitty does this. Tail straight up in the air,purposeful walk and an attitude. She's just on a mission to find the perfect nap place !
Rachel W B 3 years ago
SO true,,,like I have a zoom meeting at 2,so be a good human and fetch cataccino and a little tuna. Dont interrupt human, and I expect a fully cleaned litter tray cause I need it after the meeting with my minions
Jette Wang Wahnon 3 years ago
My two doors up neighbor´s dog goes downtown for lunch EVERY day...he has friends in the restaurant trade....and to see him dragging himself up the stairs after his meal/s on his little short legs is priceless !!
Which of these signs did you love the most, Pandas? Have you ever been to El Arroyo in person? What funny one-liner would you love for the restaurant to feature on its marquee sign? Share your thoughts with all the other Pandas in the comment section.
#31
Paul C. 3 years ago
Travelling to a Sunday morning footy match in a convoy of four or five cars. We stopped at some traffic lights and from the car in front four blokes suddenly jumped out, leaving one guy, sitting on his own. His shoulders were heaving up and down as he laughed long and hard. The four then jumped back in and proceeded to give him the slap he so richly deserved.
Wilma Sliwiak 3 years ago
I’ve been in a car like that. Not a new fragrance anymore
Load More Replies... Trey Shipp 3 years ago
I did this once. They laughed and said it smelled like the bathroom after taco bell.
MPS 3 years ago
No, putting air con on makes it so that it goes around the car, how amazing is that!
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#32
Robyn Bowns 3 years ago
Ikr!! Mother nature needs to stop with the pranks already 😜
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Beaver boi🦫🇺🇦 3 years ago
as a new englander i know the feeling of waking up in april/may to see a foot of snow
Derek Bird 3 years ago
It was our gift to you that seems to have forgotten part of itself here as well.
Claudia Steele 3 years ago
I've got 4 inches of "partly clouded" on my driveway. Thanks, Al Roker (and lose those stupid 🙄 looking eyeglasses)
John Gahris 3 years ago
Sorry. It's been acting up on us up here too. Not much we can do about it.
#33
Brandi VanSteenwyk 3 years ago
And my 23 year-old son.... Am I to believe he is a psychopath? Awww Man!!
#34
Expector 3 years ago
I try this once and then my boss called my mom, almost lost my job to be honest
KimB 3 years ago
This actually happened for me! I was still in high school and had a part time job at an eye doctors office no school due to the weather so Mom said I couldn't go to work. Called my boss and told him he made the mistake of asking to talk to her...she set him straight lol mom-1 doctor-0 : D
Miss Frankfurter 3 years ago
On day I was supposed to go into work for an evening shift. I get whopper migraines, so my mom had to call in for me. The charge nurse suggested I take a couple of Tylenol and come in. I won't say what my mom suggested she do.
Becky's Display Name 3 years ago
I try to get my boyfriend to call me into work but he won't cuz he knows my boss is a d*ck. Yes, he is also my boss.
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Get your mom to call in sick for you - see what happens - moving in with mom!
Who Panda 420 3 years ago
I had to call in sick for my Bestie when he went to the emergency room but they knew he was responsible and just wished him their best
Anna roberts 3 years ago
Worked in an Elem. school, where I fell and broke both my ankles, already had a hip replacement so for the three surgeries on the ankles, they have to load you with antibiotics. About 5 weeks later, back to work, I wake up one morning and my lower jaw is huge. Turns out I had a tooth going bad under my bridge, but since they had been dumping antibiotics and pain meds in me, I didn't know it, and ended up with a tooth infection and back in the hospital (an infection in a lower tooth that gets into your blood stream can kill you in 24-48 hrs. BTW) and when I finally got it all taken care of, went back to work and realized I had forgot the note from the hospital. Principal said it was no problem, no one could make up the things that happen to me LOL
Load More Replies... Sinkvenice 3 years ago
I used to work with a girl who at the time was in her early 20s and lived in a flat share. When she wanted to call in sick, she'd get her mum, who lived in a different town, to call us for her. Unbelievable.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
It's important to obey your parents. Just make sure they are on board with your plan
#35
Andy Hinds 3 years ago
That'd be enough for a beer lover like me to become teetotal out of principle. To me, Kanye West is in the top 5 biggest pricks on the planet.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
He's such a little b*tch. I will never get over the whole Taylor Swift thing. Even (then) President Obama called him a jack*ss.
Tracy Phillips 3 years ago
Hold my beer is an expression joked about being said before an unthinking person does something dangerous or stupid.
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Amaranthim Talon 3 years ago
Sadly, one day this won't be funny anymore because no one will catch the reference. Meantime though- Good one!
#36
Brian Bennett 3 years ago
Stick with the backup plan - you will get more volunteers!
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#37
Crazy Chicken Person 3 years ago
I highly approve of your profile picture 👌
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Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Problemo= problem, if that is what you were asking.
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#38
June’s Very Own 3 years ago
Yes, communication is key, but who told you I wanted to communicate?
Triv 3 years ago
Communication is key, but the door locks from the other side. And I'm not going to hold up my end of the bargain!
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Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
Even if there was a door, why waste such a beautiful key?
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#39
Random Person 3 years ago (edited)
Unrelated, but a girl has a qr code on her locker that leads to Never Gonna Give You Up. Yes I tested.
#40
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago (edited)
Why is it in musicals does the villain have the best voice? Deep and sexy.
Egg 3 years ago
Maybe this says something about me as a person but I generally tend to take the villains side of things in movies. Especially star wars.
#41
Brandi VanSteenwyk 3 years ago
Proof that the FUNNEST ideas are also the BADDEST. Perhaps that is why in slang terms, those words mean almost the same thing.
#42
Persephone 3 years ago
They should make a super hero whose only Achilles heel is being bored... oh wait, that's ADHD...
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Geeki Nikki 3 years ago (edited)
Thanks for sharing my thoughts sign person! Good to know I'm not alone.
#45
Micah 3 years ago
Until reading your comment and verifying it, I thought the same.
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Catherine Binder 3 years ago
Dove is a brand of chocolate. There is a brand of soap that goes by the name Dove.
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#46
Brandi VanSteenwyk 3 years ago
Amen!! Any post-pubescent individual living in a seasonal environment can attest.
#47
Kimi Tomminello 3 years ago
Are you one of those people that throw an 'r' into the word 'wash'? Lol
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#48
Vasana Phong 3 years ago
Moved to a small county in the Lehigh valley, they have their Halloween on the last Friday of October……sorry kids nobody told me
Karen Lyon 3 years ago
Yes please! Valentine's Day too (everyone wins there, right?) It would be nice if Easter Monday was a school holiday to boot. As a long-time teacher of little kids, those candy holidays are a killer.
Daniel Marsh 3 years ago
Hey, Catholic Church: I'm looking at you. You moved so many other feast days to Sunday... Why not All Saints' Day? (Fun fact: All Saints' Day used to be March 1, then May 15. But no, it wasn't moved to line up with Samhein; Rome had pretty much lost contact with the Irish and Scottish when the date was moved.)
#49
Dorothy Parker 3 years ago
I have a friend who'd respond to sad or upsetting posts with "LOL" I thought that was bizarre. She thought it meant "Lots of love." Oy.
T. D. Bostick 3 years ago
We're sorry, but your dog has passed away, LOL. Well, that didn't work...
Mr Zipperface 3 years ago
Not to be disrespectful but I don't respect you lol.
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ohjojo (you/your's) 3 years ago
How about orange juice flavored toothpaste or coffee flavored toothpaste?
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Trisha Howson 3 years ago
My two kids I want the pickel when I get hamburger I give them my pickeld everytime they look for the pickles on there hamburger child #3 aways gives her pickeld to them to
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Brandi VanSteenwyk 3 years ago
Amazingly, I have met many people who question my need to have the window cracked and the fan running EVERY night, despite living in Utah, the land of every season. It's posts like these that prove that THEY, not I are crazy!!
Partsqueen 3 years ago
How does one sleep without a fan? The only attempt I make at doing so is if the electric goes out.
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Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
I just want to find that special someone—who won’t press charges🙂
#65
cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
I've always been told to be the bigger person. Now my doctor is telling me to lose weight
#66
Micah Chips 🇺🇦 3 years ago
literally just got back from taco bell, wHaT mORe dO yOU WanT fROm mE-
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#67
StarWars Freak19 3 years ago
I like how they didn’t have enough ‘S’s so they had to make more.
#68
Mazer 3 years ago
Some of my friends have invisible disabilities, to empower them and anyone else with me, before we go anywhere…I have a rule, it’s non negotiable. No needless suffering, if you don’t feel good and want to leave, even if we have only just arrived. We all leave, no guilt trips, no blame, no judgements. I don’t want my friends to suffer because I want to have a good time while they suck it up and are miserable.
Lily Langtry 3 years ago
This is such a lovely plan and you sound like an awesome friend!
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#69
Trisha Howson 3 years ago
If I didn't know any better I'd say there good enough they sting just as bad
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Micah Chips 🇺🇦 3 years ago
ah, i see i have a rival >:) *sleep-deprived death glare*
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Trisha Howson 3 years ago
Yep so true. My kids just to the ages to know this 😓😅 one of said so that really means no and she 5 and my 8 yr old just slient.
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Khavrinen 3 years ago
"You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! ..."
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Mr Zipperface 3 years ago
This is making me think of Calvin and Hobbes when Calvin has a big plate of gloop for dinner, as he sits contemplating the horror, the gloop rises up and sings "Feelings".
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Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
Well to be fair, it’s a Mexican restaurant, so they like to stick with the theme.
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Chinmayee Kalghatgi 3 years ago
Parallel me would either look down on me or look up to me and either way i wouldn’t like it
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WilvanderHeijden 3 years ago
Good, because I bought my phone for my convenience, not for yours.
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D20 Games 3 years ago
I LOVE dad jokes and puns. The stupider the better.
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Joe Reaves 3 years ago
That's clearly because you don't have enough margaritas when you take a bath.
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Micah Chips 🇺🇦 3 years ago
john, please wake up...it's been 30 years...you fell into this coma when Paul hit you with that burrito back in fourth grade...
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Atchaco-Leigh 3 years ago
A meta is a being with dark matter originating abilities or naturally occuring abilities above human capability.
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cybermerlin2000 3 years ago
The sensational act of switching from vertical to horizontal in one litre of tequila
Robyn Bowns 3 years ago
A mythical season our ancestors here in the north talk about in fairy tales.
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Vanessa Richardson 3 years ago
I think it’s because Pete Davidson dates a LOT of people.
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Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Sign on local restaurant here says "Now hiring but only if you will actually show up".
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Visco_Squirrels 3 years ago
“When you walk into another room and you forget what you came there to do”
Nothanks L. Walk 3 years ago
Reading these (the whole series, not just the cropped list) has made me laugh more than I can remember having done on any morning since trump. THANK YOU. I forgot what laughter felt like.
Jack Rabbit 3 years ago
This is a Great Big FAT Advertisement posing as an amusing distraction by Sleepy Bear here.
Lovin' Life 3 years ago
Sign on local restaurant here says "Now hiring but only if you will actually show up".
Load More Replies... Visco_Squirrels 3 years ago
“When you walk into another room and you forget what you came there to do”
Nothanks L. Walk 3 years ago
Reading these (the whole series, not just the cropped list) has made me laugh more than I can remember having done on any morning since trump. THANK YOU. I forgot what laughter felt like.
Jack Rabbit 3 years ago
This is a Great Big FAT Advertisement posing as an amusing distraction by Sleepy Bear here.
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