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It’s Time For The Best Parenting Tweets Of The Month, And Here Are The Best Ones This January (50 Pics)
Parenting is full of constant surprises. Some of them appear when you find qualities you didn’t know were in you. One example might be the unexpected inner peace in a moment of total chaos around the house. It might also be the Hulk-like strength when your kid is in danger or the ninja-like reflexes when they are asleep. In some cases, it is the sudden ability to write material good enough for a parenthood-themed comedy show.
Here at Bored Panda, we appreciate the creative input moms and dads provide for the online community. Therefore, we have created a list of some of their best humorous statements that perfectly portray life as a parent.
If you’re done scrolling through these Tweets from January, make sure to check out our December edition for more.
This post may include affiliate links.
One of the most beautiful things about parenthood is witnessing the different stages of kids’ development. Despite their unique character, most of them have one thing in common—parents often say they grow up too fast.
Since they can not stop the Earth from turning, parents find alternative ways of freezing the moment. Some make baby scrapbooks, others grab their cameras. A few might even start journaling with great detail to describe every significant milestone of their baby’s life.
Luckily for us, there are parents who choose Twitter as their notebook and share their gems of family life with the rest of the world. As a matter of fact, 23% of moms and dads online use Twitter to state what’s on their minds.
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#2
Mike Crow 2 years ago
There was something I read that having three parents would be the best thing due to the fact you can have two of them working full time and have the third as a stay at home parent.
Sathe Wesker 2 years ago
I basically did have three parents. Mom and dad separated when I was five, mom met step-dad, he moved in. When I was 12 real dad also moved back in to live in the basement. I was raised by all of them and they did all work but different hours/shifts so I always had one around. Was unique, that’s for sure, but in harmony
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Thrawn Mitth'raw'nuru 2 years ago
Honestly as a polyamerous person I condone all such behavior
Marcellus II 2 years ago
Eh, 3 is usually 2-against-1 imbalance as at least one feels threatened, superfluous.
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Mark Hewis 2 years ago
Fully on board with idea parenting a group effort. Friends, family essential.
kath morgan 2 years ago
At my local leisure centre they were large foam blocks in various shapes (with a wipe clean vinyl cover). You could build things, throw yourself at them, prop them up and make a slide.
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#3
Dan Padgett 2 years ago
I lost so many hoodies to short lived relationships. I mourn my Spiderman one the most :)
Ches Yamada 2 years ago
I never understood this. If you broke up with someone, why would you still want their clothing? The reason I would want a boyfriend's clothing is the love for said boyfriend. Why keep it then?
Delilah Oster 2 years ago
Sometimes you miss them and their clothes usually smell like them. I just realized how creepy that sounded. But yeah that's why
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Trophy Husband 2 years ago
My eldest is always borrowing things from her bf. There's was a hoodie, and he wanted it back, so he had to trade her for another. Then there was a stuffed animal that he loves, then a watch. I'm not saying she gave and of it back, she just keeps getting more of his stuff. And I try to talk her out of it because her room is bad enough without more junk, plus we have dogs and I know sooner or later she's going to leave something in the wrong place.
TeaAndWhimsy 2 years ago
This tweet is a badly written fake - the original was at least spelt correctly and a few years ago!
Marc Booker 2 years ago
I got my high school ring back, but I had foolishly given her the first track and field medal that I ever won - that’s lost to the ages.
Parents can be sure they will never run out of content for their hilarious tweets. Mostly because there is never a dull moment with kids. They can turn something as mundane as grocery shopping into a performance when they decide to throw a temper tantrum on aisle two.
That is not their only forte when it comes to the day-to-day, though. Children also excel at rating the food that’s been served to them. And they make their evaluation clear, whether it’s a frown, a nod of approval, or dinner flying across the kitchen table.
#4
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
Yes, but you only showed 90% of it, the love and cuteness is missing. Without it, she probably knocked you out for acting like that!
#5
Nadine Debard 2 years ago
The exam isn't the worst (you sleep). Who is able to drink 4 liters of this liquid abomination in 2 hours without gagging? It felt like drinking poison. With tons of salt.
g90814 2 years ago
Exactly this. The Prep is the worst part. The exam itself is easy and you just take a short nap. Done. Although I woke up before the end of my last one, it wasn't all that bad, just odd feeling them pull the equipment out!
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Donna Clanclan 2 years ago
One of the weirdest changes at the hospital is the nurses cheering. I had surgery. Can't leave until you have a bowel movement. Ok, 3 days later and I'm still there. The nurses came in and started this clapping cheer to encourage me to have a BM. Later that day I had one and they all came back in to cheer. Weirdest experience at the hospital ever. So...no, I don't need everything celebrated.
OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
Yes, you should. Congratulations on your bottom examination, princess!! You did great 👍
Reenzy Bennington 2 years ago
That's when you run a hot bath, light some candles, eat chocolate and drink some wine in the tub while watching your favorite movie.
Alexandra Hall 2 years ago
It’s TRUE! I made my colonoscopy appt 4 months in advance & at this point, I’m just looking forward to having it done with.
Some kids are more talkative than others, but most of them go through the phase of the million questions nevertheless. It usually starts with the good old why? as asking this is one of the regular steps of a toddler’s development.
As they get older, the topics of questions can go in whichever direction. At times, there is no rhyme or reason for the things your offspring wants to know, but you better be ready with some answers. Otherwise, the interrogation might never end.
#6
#7
Mickysixxx 2 years ago
Hahaha I tell my students "none of you are smart enough to be master criminals so probably best you just listen in class". I work in a school for at risk teens
I'm.Just.A.Girl 2 years ago
Thank you for taking on that career! That's wonderful!
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Katy McMouse 2 years ago
My dog does this, but obviously, he doesn't speak english, so he just turns his head away.
Skye Ragsdale 2 years ago
When my brother was a little guy, if he did something naughty he would then run into the room, cover his eyes, and announce "me mischief!" 🤣
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
We had to bury one of our dogs and the kids wanted to help. After the first kid started the hole the other two joined in. Within 5 seconds they were fighting and throwing dirt at each other. It was at this point that I realized my family could never commit a crime together. My kids fighting would give us away before I even got the shovels out of the garage....
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
My kid tells on himself. He'll be in his bedroom and all of a sudden i hear "Hi mommy; I'm not doing anything!"
#8
Clouds in my coffee 2 years ago
My condolences! Its a tough life but it only makes us stronger
Unless they’re sleeping blissfully, children seem to always be on the go. That makes unexpected moments of silence—one of the parents’ main causes for concern. Such pauses often mean that kids have done something they shouldn’t have, or they’re about to. Especially when they join forces with other children, as they often create their grand plans on the wavelengths of a whisper.
#9
A Bobcat From Philly 2 years ago
You could also have a kitchen, covered in Rice Krispies and sugar, and have a parent yelling “Stop, No, & Don't” about 300 times while the kid is bawling it's a*s off.
#10
Susan Bosse 2 years ago
I try very hard not to make weird/shocked/outraged facial expressions when my son talks to me while inside screaming. It's so hard but so worth it. He feels very safe talking to me. Sometimes maybe a little TOOOOO safe. But safe, nonetheless.
TurquoiseTzarina 2 years ago
Never "too safe". So glad your son trusts you that deeply. You're blessed.
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Alexandra Hall 2 years ago
Oh my gawd I think you just saved my life. I am forever in your debt.
Melissa McGuire 2 years ago
If your kids are total wiener heads at home but you always get compliments about from other parents and teachers, guess what? YOU are their safe space. Well done.
#11
Marie Claire Lafreniere 2 years ago
If a kid thinks drugs are cool after your explanation, you’re the cause of it
Kris92 2 years ago
Yup. "It's anti-medicine. It can make you sick, crazy in the head or kill you...need more details kiddo?"
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Craig Reynolds 2 years ago
You can always count on a government agency to send the wrong message.
Marvin HoG 2 years ago
Your own fault for making them sound cool. I told my kid to stay away from mommy's medical gummies because they're only ok for grown ups and they'll make him puke for weeks and his teeth will fall out and he'll probably die. That kid ain't going anywhere near my stash even if it wasn't locked up.
Another power that kids have is manipulating their parents. It might be something as little as delaying bedtime, but they know all the right strings to pull to make it work. That provides even more material for these parents to share, as children’s methods of persuasion are usually very creative. Or absolutely hilarious.
#12
RajunCajun 2 years ago
last night my girlfriend caught me cupping a fart and giving it to the dog. She almost peed her self.
Fabian Bernard 2 years ago
When my daughters got angry at each other, they make peace traité by farting simultaneously ( at least that what they explained to me when the argument went silent)
Molly Mitchell 2 years ago
totally not me when i was younger, oh look a bird! * dashes away to freedom*
Caroline Fraser 2 years ago
I’d never held a baby until I gave birth to my own. Life was suddenly VERY scary!
#13
Mickysixxx 2 years ago (edited)
Haha my daughter turned 6yrs old for an entire year she was asked by her uncle's "how old are you?" She'd say "six" then "Your sick? What's wrong?" When she turned 7yrs "you want some devon?" 8yrs "I know we're mates" haha drives her nuts but what are uncles for?
ShellsBells 2 years ago
Went to boot camp with a girl named Joy. Before going, her hair was blonde and pink. She decided to dye it midnight black. As the days progressed, her hair stopped looking black and it turned navy blue. Great color for the Navy, it matched our sweat shirt/pants (called Smurfs), but she got stopped by everyone, most popular comment was, "Do you know your hair is blue?" Our RDC (drill instructor) had to buy her a box of black dye because it was causing so much trouble.
#14
kitteh floof lover 2 years ago
my babies were born in the 70,s and i used cloth diapers. they make great dust rags after they outgrow the diapers. they're in their mid 40's now, and i have one left.
SayaCat 2 years ago
my mom was born in 73, (same month donovans essence to essence came out actually) she wore cloth diapers, and still has 1 of the pins. she gave it to me, and I have it clipped to my bag strap. those things are pretty neat looking.
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RagDollLali 2 years ago
I have sensitive skin and honestly the sensitive baby wipes are the best makeup remover pads I have ever used in my life. They will take off Gene Simmons level mascara without a fight and won't cause a face outbreak.
Na Schi 2 years ago
100% agree with you. They are the best make-up remover ever. Waterproof mascara? Whoosh, there it goes 😁
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Qia Munther 2 years ago
Baby wipes are the best for cleaning. My daughter is 17. Still use them
These Tweets cover nearly every aspect of parenting reality. The reality that lots of people imagined differently before having children. They might have said they won’t be doing things in a certain way, but once you become a parent, you just do what you got to do. Even if it means ice cream for dinner or an additional 15 minutes of TV in times of crisis.
#15
Fxnglhl 2 years ago
head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back, head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back and eyes and hands and feet and neck, head, shoulders legs and back, legs and back!
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
back and back back, back and back, back and back; back and back back, back and back, back and back; back and back and back and back; back and back back, back and back, back and back.
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
I sing the adult version...Glasses, purse, keys and shoes. Keys and shoes.
Dawnieangel76 2 years ago
I get arthritis pains in just 1 single toe; the second toe on my left food. I have no idea how or why, but it's enough to make me not able to put all my weight down on it.
#16
Shyla Bouche 2 years ago
I expect Bouche stole the kid's other sock, but the rest of the wardrobe is somecat else's fault.
#17
Robin_amazingfullness 2 years ago
I didn't even realize it was in the mirror until the end 😂
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I may or may not have envisioned a baby hitting another baby until he said mirror. I'm not proud.
A Very Bored Panda 2 years ago
Tell her to play rock paper scissors with this baby in the mirror. (Teach her how to play rock paper scissors first)
When it comes to parenting practices, there is no one perfect method. Moms and dads find ways that work best for them, whether they’re similar to how they were raised or completely different. A recent study found that nearly as many parents choose the former as the latter. 43% of people say they raise kids the way they were cared for, while 44% take a different route.
#18
Angela B 2 years ago
My superpower as a Nurse is drinking my tea (or coffee)luke warm. Without pouring it down the sick when it is stone cold and there is no way I am reheating it in the microwave that is waaaaaaay down the hall in the break room.
Luna 2 years ago
I have been scarred from too many hot liquids so that is the temperature i usually drink it at.
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#19
secretly a kitten wallflower 2 2 years ago
Pretty sure that you're talking about my dad
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Christina Born 2 years ago
And don't forget to thank him for his help else he'll be feeling hurt! 🙄
#20
ᶜʰᵃᵒᵗⁱᶜ ˡᵉᵍᵃˡ 2 years ago (edited)
don't let him see you break the spaghetti. actually, don't break it at all. Who does that? edit: if it's a small pot just let the bottom cook and it will slide in 😭
Olivier Caissy 2 years ago
People who have small pots? Like my single parent mom who only cooked for two?
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Children never cease to amaze their parents, no matter their age. From surprising (at times, nearly philosophical) questions coming from a toddler, to witty remarks of a teenager. As they grow, memory is filled with so many examples, it might become difficult to store them all. That’s why noting them down might come in handy, whether it ends up on Twitter, or not.
#21
Lunakadi 2 years ago
When my daughter went to her first parents’ night out at her daycare my husband and I had planned on getting fancy and going out to eat. We dropped her off and went home to get dressed. I don’t think we even made it to the closet. We ended up watching movies on the couch WITHOUT HAVING TO PAUSE except when we wanted another adult beverage. It was the best date night ever!
Jessica Cifelli 2 years ago
I don't even have kids but I have a nightstand drawer that doubles as a snack cupboard. It's so no one eats the snacks I buy
Robin Maddox 2 years ago
Here’s the pantry door open: What’s that? What you got? What r u getting? Im hungry. Every. Single. Time
#22
Fool of a Took 2 years ago
This is how lessons are learned. Sometimes the lesson is not to trust your brother.
#23
Antonia 2 years ago
My toddler was chatting all day long. When put to bed he said: Wait! I have to tell you something
Twitter and other social media platforms are not only a source of amusing material but a tool for expressing support as well. 74% of parents state that they receive it from their fellows online, which makes creating posts all the more enjoyable. 81% claim to respond to uplifting news they see on their feed, providing encouragement to those who share.
#25
Dark Side of the Loom 2 years ago (edited)
Cinderella's shoes were not made of glass, the mistake comes from a confusion between the French "vair" and "verre" (same sound). "vair" meaning squirrel fur, and "verre", glass...
Ophelia Vandergurgleduffen 2 years ago
Glass slippers give you blisters. One waltz and you’re screwed.
Jennifer Clayton 2 years ago
Nobody ever wonders what torture devices glass shoes would have been. Hard as stone, no stretch or flex...it's a high heel clog that may shatter and destroy your feet.
Trophy Husband 2 years ago
I wonder how she ran in it for as long as she did... And if the rest of the outfit turned back, she did the shoes stay?
#26
Well-Dressed Wolf 2 years ago
Yes! I’m 40 and that is what my mom always called it when I was a kid! “I’ve got some sleep in my eye…”
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Pieter LeGrande 2 years ago
Brought by the "Sandman" - a relative of the tooth fairy.
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If you want your stories to go far and wide, Twitter is undoubtedly a great platform for that. It currently has nearly 354 million users, and the number is expected to rise to over 600 million by 2025. With an audience this big, tweeting is one of the easiest ways to reach parents all over the world.
#27
Icecream Sarang 2 years ago
I cleaned the kitchen the other day, and my husband came in and told me what a mess it (still) was. So, I put exlax in his chocolate milk.
Molly Mitchell 2 years ago
there is a posibliety that he could have died but, that was very good on the revenge side
#28
Betta Fish 2 years ago
T H E Y W I L L B E F O U N D. T H E Y W I L L N E V E R BE H I D D E N E N O U G H
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Persephone 2 years ago
Yeah... my Rottweiler was told he'd never pass science by a 4 year old after responding to her flashcards everytime with a lick... he looked very downtrodden, so I feel!!!
#29
Parenting can be stressful and rewarding, and everything in between, and these tweets are here to prove it. Parents can assure that life with children is never boring from the very first second they enter this world.
#30
Thomas Bentley 2 years ago
My friend, Mansa Musa looks at the pile of gold your kids think you have in the bank, and thinks it would be ridiculous to have that much money.
Poeha 2 years ago (edited)
I could just pull an unlimited amount of money out of the wall, my son thought.
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FakeOptimist 2 years ago
Can confirm. Out of observation of friends/siblings, thankfully, being an uncle can be tiring enough for me.
Paula Pattison 2 years ago
I swore never to clean my kid's face with spit and never to say "I don't care who started it I'm finishing it". I am 2 for two. OK I only have one kid so the second one was not such a big deal but nonetheless I am counting it
#32
Kristen Guerrise 2 years ago
My son calls underwear the same thing!! Leg Prisons! He’s commando all the time.
#33
#34
Mars 2 years ago
If it makes folks feel... gratified? the preschool teachers also catch all the plagues the kiddos bring in. Source: me
RagDollLali 2 years ago
My kid's Pre-K teacher has shown up visibly sick three times so far this year, and every time I ended up having to take my daughter to the urgent care when she got home from school the next day . This past time with a 104.5 ° (f) fever that no one seemed to notice all day. Shouldn't send sick kids OR sick teachers to school 😕
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Wendy Kubas 2 years ago
That's every school, pre school, daycare, after school program, in the entire world, lol...its called CHILDHOOD. It's NOT cheap OR germ free! Lol
Erica Knapp 2 years ago
Thanks for the info.... from a mom in Texas looking for other places to live lol
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Huddo's sister 2 years ago
If it's anything like preschool/kindetrgarten in Australia, the short hours in sessional kindergarten are due to the amount of government funding. In my state, 3 year old kinder has only just begun to get funding for 15 hours a week, which brings it up to the same amount 4 year olds get. Also, long days are often too much for that age group. We would have 3 hour sessions for 3 year olds where I worked, and by the end of the second hour they were ready for a rest. Social interactions and learning (even though it comes through play) are full on things for young children and it is hard for them to sustain it for long periods, before they get ratty.
thatlesbiantacocat 2 years ago
Oh, no no no. Here the children are Heverston's, not McGyver's.
Betta Fish 2 years ago
Pal that's not ridicule. Things like that happen. This is coming from experience.
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#36
Katy McMouse 2 years ago
Oh, but you're right. (not kidding). My country is a four alarm dumpster fire and category 5 tornado warning, all wrapped up in one.
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GoGoPDX 2 years ago
That is cute! My son , who is 7, out of no where decided he needs to wear deodorant because he is "growing little sprouts of hair" (he isn't) I got him some all natural deodorant, and he promptly wrote his name in it. Then he decided he needs to wear cologne. I don't know where this idea came from as he's dad only wears it on special occasions. The funny thing is he calls it *declone*. I am seriously trying to explain that he isn't old enough to wear something that he cannot even correctly name and it is not going well. He is now writing his name on his new declone.
#37
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago (edited)
I'm 27 and I still have this conversation with my mom! Love you mom but also I have a space heater in my office so I think I can avoid frostbitten ankles lol
Just saying 2 years ago
I'm the proud parent of a teenager who actually bought himself self heating gloves this week. So proud.
Justin Thyme 2 years ago
Now that I'm a grandpa, I've learned the secret-- let them. Then they come back in, all ashiver, and you simply hand them their coat. No conversation needed
Icecream Sarang 2 years ago
It was -4 this morning going into work, and my 3yo kept telling me, “No jacket!!!” Ok, normally I’d agree with you, but if I send you to school without a jacket, they’ll send me to jail, and rightly so. Please put the coat on!
Upstaged75 2 years ago (edited)
When I was in middle school (7th - 8th grade) it was totally uncool (ha ha) to wear a coat in the winter. I swear we must have all been brain damaged! Every winter morning my friend and I would jump around to keep from freezing to death while waiting for the school bus. I'm not sure why we thought that was a better option than simply putting on a coat???
Dawnieangel76 2 years ago
My niece is 18, and I still have this conversation with her all winter. And I'm usually RIGHT!
Manic Mama 2 years ago
I have the opposite - my kids are currently wanting to wear jumpers & blazers to school, and I'm dripping in sweat. I can't even LOOK at them without feeling hotter. (Australia) (summer here sucks)
#38
Betta Fish 2 years ago
When I was 3 I released the parking brake and ended up in our across the street neighbor's driveway. I could drive! (Only if there is another driveway perfectly parallel to ours but still)
Rodney McKay 2 years ago
My younger brother did that with the driver's door open. The door was mostly torn off when it collided with a tree while rolling backwards down the driveway.
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Telepathetic 2 years ago
They'll just Spoil them Rotten and send them back for YOU to deal with' ("But Grandma Lets us.....)
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
Amen! But...my parents moved about 5 minutes away from us to "help with the kids." The first six months were spent by me taking care of dad after his knee surgery and mom after she fell and broke her wrist. Good times!
SlightlyTarnished 2 years ago
No, No, No. My kids were profoundly shocked when they discovered we had no interested in more than a couple times a month wrangling of their progeny, and 4hr max per visit, and yes sometimes overnight during holidays.. Love them all dearly, though there are limits. We did our duty and put our lives on hold for 20+yrs of little social life, living with destroyed furniture, economizing, sleepless nights, and all that comes with parenting. Now is our time!
Lindsay Harless 2 years ago
This is true… when they don’t like what I make for dinner, they will either make their own c**p or waltz up to gmas to take care of their needs lol
Vera Modrić 2 years ago
Mine are the flour above us. 2 app house, rent and moargage FREE. No way I wolud go for kind No 3 if not for this. Also granma is retired, so FREE child care if needed.
#40
Marvelous Rex 2 years ago
My sister and I were both in college when she was setting up my dad's first email account. She was like, we should put his display name as something funny since you really don't notice it when you log in, but it will show up on outgoing emails. He went 6 months before he realized his display name was "Weiner Toucher". The best part was, we knew he had sent some emails to my aunt so we told her the story and she goes "OH, that's what those were! I thought it was some kind of porn, so I deleted them." LOL
SlightlyTarnished 2 years ago
Never let your kid near your devices if you have autofill passwords..........
Temporary Dork 2 years ago
It's not hacking if they clicked Login on whatever your password manager said.
#41
Lindsay Harless 2 years ago
We want to know everything… even if it kills us inside that y’all are growing up too fast. That’s my take as a mom of 3 boys though 😉
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Donna Clanclan 2 years ago
I love how they start a serious conversation right before they leave the car to go inside their parents house. Like....we had you for 30 hours! We've been dragging every little bit of info your willing to share out of you for over a day now...NOW you decide to share. FFS!
#42
Nicola Roberts 2 years ago
My two cats think parkour is the answer to everything. Why sit down and eat from your bowl if leaping several feet to allow just the back paws touch the top few inches of the TV, rebound off the wall and land on top of your sister first has the same outcome, more or less?
CaptainDinosaur 2 years ago
My eight year old has autism and occasionally needs to 'stim' while watching TV. Imagine a kind of flappy arm electric slide. Then it's right back to the couch like nothing happened. He's a trip.
Donna Gettings Apperson 2 years ago
You opened my eyes! My kids are 45 and 38, and though parkour was not a thing when they were on the floor watching television, this is exactly what they did!
#43
Michelle C 2 years ago (edited)
My dad’s whole family is Eastern European-American and mom’s family is Western European-American. Let me just say that I envy my mother’s side of the family, as I got the proneness for dark circles under my eyes from his side of the family. Ayyyyye….,
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Benita Valdez 2 years ago
So what you're saying is right now I'm model material?
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Little Wonder 2 years ago
Once I was about 6 and able to get myself to school, I don't think Mum was up before school once lol
Holly Stevens 2 years ago
That's ridiculous, kids hear you roll over in bed and are like MUM I'M ITCHY CAN YOU GET THAT CREAM
What does this button do? 2 years ago
I married this parent! I get my coffee and peace on the other end and go to bed an hour after everybody else. It's a simple system, but it works for us. Although, in fairness, it evolved because I fall asleep as my head is making contact with the pillow, she takes half an hour, four gymastics moves and a pillow fight with an imaginery monster to drop off, so if we went at the same time, I'd be snoring and she'd be pressing down on the pillow... thus it's really self defense that I go to bed later. :D
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago (edited)
I wake up and chant to myself, "I will not yell today. I will not yell today." 5 minutes later, "HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO GET YOUR THINGS TOGETHER THE NIGHT BEFORE?!" I'm a terrible mother. 😔
Kayla Schmitz 2 years ago
I try to wake my kid, make my coffee, try to wake him again, enjoy the coffee, then I'm energized for wake up call 3 to be taken serious LOL
Angella Naasko 2 years ago
My alarm goes off 45 mins before my kids so i can drink coffee alone. lol
Manic Mama 2 years ago
Oh no, it's a real thing. I get up at 4.45, and get the kids up at 7. It's awesome.
#45
Well-Dressed Wolf 2 years ago
Lilith was Adam’s first wife. No mythology places her as Satan’s wife.
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peithecelt 2 years ago
Duh, it's Chloe.. (No I have not been watching all the episodes of Lucifer, why do you ask? *Whistles innocently*)
Steve Ramaekers 2 years ago
Satan is a fallen angel. He doesn’t have a wife. He isn’t and never was human.
#46
Betta Fish 2 years ago
Looks for the remote in their hands after walking downstairs and not even picking up the remote. "It's lost we all gonna die"
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
I loved a comment made by someone on here years ago. He said if he couldn't find something and asked his mom for help she would say, "If I find before you do I'll beat you with it." He assured us his mom had a great sense of humor and was only "joking."
#47
#48
Michelle Brandt 2 years ago
I like when my kids sing when we're shopping, then I know where they are.
Jodi Rinker 2 years ago
singing while shopping is so NOT an issue! it's running, screaming, knocking things off shelves, etc
AniaSD 2 years ago (edited)
The point is she's just too exhausted and asks for a little sympathy
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Marvelous Rex 2 years ago
Ugh been there. One time, both parents forgot I stayed after school for football practice and I had no access to a phone (no pay phone, coaches had already locked up and left.) I waited around for 3 hours, until finally one of the lunch ladies who knew my parents and didn't live far from me, gave me a ride home. My sister always said how happy she and my brothers were when I got my license, because they didn't have to be embarrassed by being the last ones to leave or having to get a ride from a coach because no one picked them up. I knew how much it sucked, so I always got there on time.
Lady of the Mountains 2 years ago
That's good, my sister never picked me up on time, it literally sucked cuz she honestly did not care. We never really knew if she would actually show up at all. Your siblings are lucky to have you
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 2 years ago
Collect call from "Mom please pick me up at the mall". Do you accept the charges? :) Good old payphones!
Esme Love and Squalor 2 years ago
Totally. My mom was regularly an hour plus late to pick me up from school. Leading to me riding city bus home by myself in 5th grade. She wasn’t a bad mom, it was just the early 90s
RagDollLali 2 years ago
Anyone else remember calling collect and then when it would ask you to state your name quickly yelling out " I'm ready to be picked up, this is where I am..." then hanging up before it could actually charge anyone?
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Rather than a mobile, my mum gave me a phone card when I started high school, so I could call her on the pay phone if needed. I don't think I ever used it though.
#50
Mickysixxx 2 years ago (edited)
Comedy gold right there! I had an elderly teacher in the school i work in try to explain to the class why its NOT funny to draw penis' on everything lol I did step in for the kids and say "well, there is graffiti in many ancient cultures where they drew them people have found them funny for a long time". Im not encouraging this but the kid in me giggles, She sees the funny side now lol
Esme Love and Squalor 2 years ago
Whoops you beat me to it. There’s also the grand Tetons
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Indosidius 2 years ago
Those space scientists guys, I think they're call asssstroligists, decided to change the name to prevent such jokes. It's now called urectum.
Upstaged75 2 years ago
Not gonna lie, I still giggle at those words and I'm pushing 50. :) I guess we never really grow up.
ShellsBells 2 years ago
I saw a t-shirt in Bahrain for sale. It said Djiboutilicious. I wish I would have purchased it 😔.
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FakeOptimist 2 years ago
My niece just turned 16, it's clothes, hairbrushes, etc..
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Neuridivergent 2 years ago
Wait until she fits your clothes. My 10 year old unabashedly claimed one of my sweatshirts as hers. My only saving grace is that she is tall and skinny and i am fat so most of my stuff won't fit her. And we ever meet in the middle she will be too tall for my clothes.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My mum was short and skinny, as were my sister and I, so when we were teenagers onwards, we all wore each others clothes. Then when we were in our mid 20s, we all put on weight, so were still similar sizes, but now mum has lost weight so none of her clothes fit my sister and I, so if that's not a good reason for us to lose weight, I don't know what is!
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Neuridivergent 2 years ago
My daughter was whining about the music on the radio, multiple stations. I don't have many choices so i told her if she kept complaining i would make her listen to Metallica. She had no idea what was, but has never done it since.
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3 Trash Pandas in a Trenchcoat 2 years ago
We have family breakfast on Saturdays, then again, my brother and I are past the Chaotic Little Kid stage
Indosidius 2 years ago
We sit down for breakfast, lunch and supper. Sometimes 7 and 9 lies down... we never eat standing up.
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Nurichwersonst 2 years ago
Maybe he has thrown something in the trash that he don't wants you to know and now he brings the trash down himself immediately so you won't find it... 🤫🤷♀️ (sorry if my grammar is bad - it's not my native language 😅)
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
We had the bins as one of our weekly chores on our roster and for some reason my sister always wanted to do them. Now I think about it, she may have had lolly wrappers she didn't want mum to see.
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Got Myself 4 Pandas 2 years ago
I was just getting over the last disease they brought home that I suffered through over Xmas, then they go back and I've been sick about 90% of January - it's been delightful
Well-Dressed Wolf 2 years ago
My sister is doing the grown-up version of this right now! She and her friend go on vacation at least once a month and she always brings back a new illness that my mom and I both promptly catch.
Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Oh man my sisters friends kids brought home every dàmn illnes that went around and it would infect waves. First were the two youngest, then mom would get sick then it would be her teenager and husband at the same time or husband first then teenager. They just couldn't all be sick at the same dàmn time
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Andrei Marentette 2 years ago
No the worst feeling is to practice something 24/7, go into the test room, and come out feeling good, and the it hits you
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Little Wonder 2 years ago
My laser tech says she often has people fall asleep during laser hair removal. I said "But it HURTS" and she shrugged and said people are tired which fair.
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What does this button do? 2 years ago
We have an easy system - the teenager is tasked with folding them when the laundry is done. My wife takes the folded towels and rolls them. I stay out of the way and do what I'm told (which doesn't involve towels). It's simple, but it works!
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Neuridivergent 2 years ago
Since twerking started in African tribal dancing, you can tell her she is guilty of cultural appropriation. That should stop her.
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fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
Ok, but now I'm actually curious. And if you did like fish after returning to your body, would it wear off after a while or would you like fish forever?
Anne Jones 2 years ago
We need to debate this as I will not sleep until I know the answer!
Load More Replies... What does this button do? 2 years ago
More to the point - why did nobody tell me that going back to your own body was an option???
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Jesse 2 years ago
My mother, with her third: "this one has boy clothes, I don't care about the age"
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago (edited)
I have 3 kids. They are referred to as "Girl" "Boy" or the "Baby."
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Benita Valdez 2 years ago
Ok I read that as delicious and was like well what kind of tree was it? Is it delicious?
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Benita Valdez 2 years ago (edited)
Pachycephalasaurus and Dracorex. Got it covered for my nephew. I love the headbutters
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Jason 2 years ago
My son loves broccoli but hates bread and potatoes. If I can figure out how this happened I can probably write a best-selling advice book
Well-Dressed Wolf 2 years ago
I think it’s random mutation. I loved broccoli and cauliflower and lima beans. I’m 40 and my mother will still tell people about her “freak of a daughter” who loved lima beans as a child XD
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Huddo's sister 2 years ago
My stepdad often gets told he looks like a hippie or a rocker, which he is happy with, but when he says it's because he's cool we just look away lol
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OnAFreakingRollercoaster 2 years ago
Consider yourself lucky you got a warning. My kids go from sweet to a**holes in about 3 seconds
What does this button do? 2 years ago
You get three seconds? We've got a video titled "mealtime hell" which involves screaming, crying and laughing so close together you'd swear they were simultaneous. :D
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#94
Lily bloom 2 years ago
When my oldest was 2, she used yogurt as lotion. All over her legs. So sticky. So very very sticky.
Zane Lumagrowl 2 years ago
When I was a kid, I decided to play "salon" with my younger brother and used yogurt as "shampoo"... got a pretty stern lecture about wasting food that day
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KDav 2 years ago
My mom had to buy me a second set of my favorite outfit because I refused to wear anything else. Light teal sweatshirt and darker teal sweatpants. One of the sweatshirts had a tiny iron-on animal right over the heart, but I can't remember if it was a bear (which would have made sense since that's my favorite animal) or a raccoon. It's been a really long time.
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Sad Quokka 2 years ago
Mmmmm, pasta... Random fact - I eat 17 X more pasta than the average person. Upvote for pasta 🤣
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Michelle Brandt 2 years ago
I"m constantly asking my kids "are you sure?" because I had this same situation last Thursday.
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Benita Valdez 2 years ago
My nephew absolutely hated to sleep. He would fight with every fiber of his being to stay awake. Like kid, your jumper and Bubbleguppies will still be here as will all your other toys; I swear you're not missing out on anything. He's gotten better and finally has a decent sleep schedule; he turns 5 in March
RMA 2 years ago
Mine turned 32 yesterday and still has no sleep schedule…
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Thomas Bentley 2 years ago
The dead listen to you. They are not sentient, so cannot ask the question "WHY?".
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FloralDangerNoodle 2 years ago
Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo Baby Shark, doo-doo, doo-doo Baby Shark...
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Jason 2 years ago
My son every single time. Me: you need to do x tomorrow. Son: is today tomorrow?
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Little Wonder 2 years ago
I used to work in a library and I remember a Mum coming in all shocked and she said "These are on time, they were all in the book bag where they're supposed to be". We assured her it probably wouldn't happen again.
fair_weather_rose 2 years ago
Me, a teenager with several overdue library books in various places around my room: uhh... did you look under the bed?
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
The boot of the car that was stolen. Seriously, we got the car back weeks later (it was written off though) and open the boot and my sister says "I found my library book".
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Christy Long 2 years ago
How the heck would anyone under the age of 50 understand the reference ?
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James016 2 years ago
The other night as my son was saying goodnight to mummy, he went to give her a kiss on the cheek. I saw him climb on to her, put his face on her cheek and......."m'lem". Yesterday we went out for lunch locally, took him to the toilet as he said he didn't need to go, pees continuously for about 40 seconds and then asks quite loudly: "Do I show off my penis in the bathroom?" And finally, last night, he comes down about 9.30 and just stands in front of us. We ask why he has come down, he thinks for a moment, grabs a toy trains and says that he needs it. He's walking off to back up, stops and says: "Oh wait, I nearly forgot you" and tries to pull me off the sofa.
James016 2 years ago
The other night as my son was saying goodnight to mummy, he went to give her a kiss on the cheek. I saw him climb on to her, put his face on her cheek and......."m'lem". Yesterday we went out for lunch locally, took him to the toilet as he said he didn't need to go, pees continuously for about 40 seconds and then asks quite loudly: "Do I show off my penis in the bathroom?" And finally, last night, he comes down about 9.30 and just stands in front of us. We ask why he has come down, he thinks for a moment, grabs a toy trains and says that he needs it. He's walking off to back up, stops and says: "Oh wait, I nearly forgot you" and tries to pull me off the sofa.
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