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Being a mother requires a lot of patience. Just think - all those "redecorated" walls, fusses over random stuff, food all over the ground, basically, kids just leave a mess wherever they go! But hey, it's not so bad when you have a good sense of humor. And it's even better when you bring your sense of humor to Twitter! Well, it's better for us, at least.
Below, Bored Panda has put together a list of the funniest tweets moms have ever written. Take a look and don't forget to vote for your favorites!
Want some more? Check out the funniest fatherhood tweets.
(h/t)
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Valary Grubbs 8 years ago
Been ready to throttle a mom, over this! ESP. when it's that special piece, that you've been saving for last, or another family member!
RELATED:
#2
Crystal Martinez 9 years ago
My 2yo sternly told me "GO AWAY" .... I don't know if I was hurt or pissed....but I really wanted to drop kick her.... after ALL I DO FOR HER ....Lolol!
#4
over opinionated 9 years ago
I remember doing that after my nightmares growing up I wanted mom but felt bad for waking her so I just stood there and waited for her to notice me
Lily Li 9 years ago
Picture this: my Asian daughter, long black hair, floor lamp in my room, 4am, standing beside my bed quietly whispering "mommy, mommy.." I almost had a heart attack.
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
Oooh I'm Asian too! That's basically what I do too and I'm 11 lol
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SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I would do that to my dad, I would crawl out of my crib and yell DADDY! And he would almost poo his pants
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
My at the time four year old daughter made me wet the bed the first time she did this.
Sigrún Geirsdóttir 9 years ago
My daughter did that regularly last winter. I remember once I almost screamed because when I woke I was facing away from the door, turned towards it and there she stood silently, by my shoulder, looking down at me. I'm still recovering...
#5
Stacy White 9 years ago
Omg!! Funniest card ever!! Would love a pic of dad's face when he got it!😳😱🤔😃👏
#6
Melody Lanzatella 9 years ago
Yeees, i am having difficulty controlling, THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!
#7
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
My grandpa split a candy bar for me and my sis. I wasn't satisfied... I told him to weigh them. lol
Elena Rogers 9 years ago
My parents always gave it to us and one kid split it and the other one got first pick of which bit they wanted. Always worked.
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Marty Sunderland 9 years ago
My mom's solution: one child cuts it in half, the other child gets first pick.
Laurie Cole 9 years ago
Tired of trying to make candy bars perfectly even for my brother and I, my mother angrily took a big bite out each half (eating most of them), then asked if they were even enough. We never fought over size again! lol
Melody Lanzatella 9 years ago
Yeah, take that all in...take it ALL in! Then go pick up more birth control pills.
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Okay, Hans, I like you, but you seem to have a stick up your....Are you okay? These ARE supposed to be funny.
#8
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#11
Alicia Sander 9 years ago
That's a kneel, stand, kneel, sit, kneel, stand....for you.
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Hans 9 years ago
So they should put these "sit and exercise" sheets from airplanes into the gospel book?
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#12
Renee Borgaila 9 years ago
Ive always just had cake and ice cream and whatever else was laying around with my younger cousins if I have them for the night. They go home after a few days already tired of having junk food all day.
Stacy White 9 years ago
Lmao.... fruit casserole !!!!!😱😂😂😂😂😂love it!!! I'll have to remember that one!
Debra Starr Moon 8 years ago
We used to HAVE to call foods by different names to get the kids to eat them. For example, they wouldn't eat meatloaf but they would eat "steak cake". No stew, but "roast beef soup" was fine.
#13
over opinionated 9 years ago
Voice two seems inevitable so just skip voice one and save 15 minutes
Margaret Sue 2 years ago
Hahahahaha! That is so funny! #Relatable! I wish my kids were smarter! They're so Stupid!! Should've got an abortion!!! #PROCHOICE
#14
Kjorn 9 years ago
for me during a visit in a zoo. i bring my boy in the bathroom with me and he said very loudly when i did my business in the urinal. ""Wow your penis is big'' don't know how react: Proud or embarrased
Cherylanne Saywell 9 years ago
Lol brilliant.... Was literally laughing out loud
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Susie Stock 9 years ago
I recall my son's voice being pretty loud in the dressing room when he asked "why do your boobies look so big?"
Bjørn Torbo 9 years ago
3yo daughter in emergency room, waiting for consultation with Doctor due to accidentally pulled elbow: "where's the penis, where's the penis, where's the penis, where's the penis, wheeerees theee peeeeniiiiiis!!! I honestly have no idea where she'd even picked up that word let alone figured out a way to employ it in a sentence. I was like "this is it, I'm coming home childless or possibly going straight to jail". To my monumental surprise, doctor quickly fixed the elbow and we got home without any adjustments to our legal guardian status. It still gives me pause whenever I recall it, though. *pause*
Melody Lanzatella 9 years ago
There are just TOO many things that kids say that are "the loudest sound in the world".
Jenn Martin 9 years ago
My was taking care of my son. At the time he was 3yrs old. Mt mom had to use the washroom and my son being so young she brought him in with her. My mom doesn't sit on the seat and my son bent down and said loudly " Grandma you are peeing out of your bum"
Thuy Hong Vuong 9 years ago
When I was 5, I once told a boy friend of my sister that she is pooping, because he asked me where's your sister?
Shawna Sisung 9 years ago
My daughter likes to yell how bad the bathroom smells when someone is pooping. Public or at home.
Karen Merritt 9 years ago
Nope an 8yo "helping" you find a new hitching ball for the truck yelling across pep boys "was it the shaft that was too short or the ball that was too small?" comes in close for loud
#15
over opinionated 9 years ago
If you don't let your kid near some kind of dirt they'll never develop an immune system and they'll always be sick
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Immune system has to have something to do, or it will attack the body. Allergies, some cancers, auto immune disorders. Basic biology
#16
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#18
Michelle Miller 9 years ago
When my kid caught me eating cake before dinner, I told her " the best part of being an adult is eating dessert first." Fast forward to kid at 19..." All things considered Mom... I'd rather be stuck eating dinner first."
over opinionated 9 years ago
Being an adult is awesome. They'll get there brownie breakfast one day
zahar al kashat 2 years ago
once i went to cook my delicious chocolate filled brownies, and they devoured it, i put lots of love into it 😁👍❣️❣️❣️❣️🥰🥰🥰
Margaret Sue 2 years ago
That is so trueee!!! My kids stay home all the time because they're lazy bums! The filthy grots wont let me devour my brownies in piece the fat pigs!
#19
zahar al kashat 2 years ago
wow i would have grabbed him by his ear and said "hey mate, you wanna hang out?" and i will torture him untill he remembers me even in his dreams
Margaret Sue 2 years ago
#Relatable, so true! My kids pray for my demise everyday but im still standing! The little buggers can hope i Die because i dont feed them but im a strong independant woman anyway!
#20
Yurdagül Koca 9 years ago
I just did the same thing because of your comment 😄
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Lindsey Blair Louderback 9 years ago
Lol y son did the same thing I was in the store one time and he yelled "mom look at all the bitches"
Jim Phoenix 9 years ago
Lol this funny my bro did that and mom stared at him for a bit and asked if my big sis was cursing around him
Gabrielle Charbonneau 9 years ago
My oldest used to do this too. When ever i picked her up from her dad's her would have her say goodbye to the fish. "Bye bitches!" and then she'd sassy walk out. Ha
#21
Linn Tara Lenby 9 years ago
I remember after our first one (a hundred years ago!) me and my husband could finally go out for a nice dinner, just him and me, after 8 months of a baby with colic. Waiter looked weird at me when I said, I'd forgotten how a wam meal tastes like...
Mihaela Cosinschi 9 years ago
I don't get it... Like combining the 2 porridges as ma and pa or something...?
over opinionated 9 years ago
No she means as a mother she spent so much time to prepare the father's first (hence it got) and then her son's (the 2nd made so it's warm) leaving her last and hers cold
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Long Joan Silver 9 years ago
I never thought about it in that way. It makes perfect sense to me now!
#22
zahar al kashat 2 years ago
quick teen mom tipp, get your kids addicted and they will stay of your sweets, trust me it works!!
Margaret Sue 2 years ago
Hahaha sames! I hide all the food i eat because im very insecure and must stay small and petite for my husband! Otherwise he will beat me like there is no tomorrow! JK
#23
L Beil-Drake 9 years ago
Lol. My little monkey fell off the bed and broke his leg....needless to say, lesson learned.
#24
Debra Starr Moon 8 years ago
I don't know why, but my kids would be happy doing their own thing until I go into the bathroom. Then all three needed me desperately and it couldn't wait.
Hans 9 years ago
Hm...this was not blaming, just a little bit cynical. You have not won until you not anticipated the next step...
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#26
Dawn Moskalyk 9 years ago
Glad im not the only one, stall tacts than guilt trips because we "don't want to hear it" even though asking earlier in day lol
#27
Maria Stoyanova 9 years ago
Obviously they didn't have to think about that in the times that story was created. And by the way, the original story is even more gruesome
#28
over opinionated 9 years ago
Like I said building an immune system is a good thing he's not sick
Dessira Buchholz 9 years ago
Or he's secretly a cat. My cat licks the tub all the time. Especially after my husband or I take a bath.
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#30
Holly Sharma 9 years ago
My daughter and her friend were having an argument told them to apologise mine does but her friend says says " I tried to say sorry but instead I accidentally said lots of really nasty things I guess my brain just doesn't want me to say sorry"
#31
#32
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
My mom told me the alligators from gater tails go to a Alligator Farm...I found out where they rlly go tho...Still mad at mom, I'm 11 btw :(
#33
Jennelle Cocco 9 years ago
Sounds just like something my 4 year old boy would fall apart over. He seriously wants the universe to operate under different laws of nature. I thought kids liked to discover their world, not criticize it.
Hans 9 years ago
Not criticize, invent! If we as adult would at least sometimes like that, we would probably have more often good ideas...
Load More Replies... SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I wanted to have Rapunzal hair so I could wipe my butt with it when I was 2 or 3..... I was VERY lazy.....
Hannah Bunker 9 years ago
Sorry.. Force of habit, it's Rapunzel not Rapunzal.
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#35
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I don't think it's possible for a child to be born with full caked on makeup.......and never be seen without it. Lol
over opinionated 9 years ago
I don't have kids (yet) and I've never seen frozen... but its child crack I swear
#36
Kanishka Rajawansha 9 years ago
Damn.. He is not supposed to reveal that. People™ are not ready to know the truth yet.
#37
over opinionated 9 years ago
Cheese sauce is magic. It'll make even Brussel sprouts instantly delicious
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
True dat, I'm 11 and a picky eater, still don't get why it's artaCHOKE tho, sounds very unappetizing......
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#39
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I'd cry when I had to flush the toilet cuz I wanted to keep my poop,I'd sob "goodbye poop, I'll miss you!" I had some attachment problems...
Marla Cundiff 9 years ago
Almost all children go through this phase. Completely normal and healthy. :)
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#40
Crystal Martinez 9 years ago
I'd write "Nothing to advise on....it's too late. Welcome to being tired the rest of your life"
#42
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
Me with my two new kittens! I want at least one of them to attach to me..... Our dog is with dad and other cat with mom
#45
Hans 9 years ago
I object...against any sugary you have some chances left when vacuuming. Glitter is for eternity.
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#46
Kylee Collins 7 years ago
That is me!!! I just started high school and I just sat on my bed for an hour crying.
#47
Hans 9 years ago
Try to explain to someone who is 18 this year what a floppy is. Or a tape casette...
Keira Way 9 years ago
I'm 14 and I know what both of those things are.. I actually used to have cassette tapes.
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Zombie Gurl 9 years ago
I would start having old phones while keeping my iPhone a secret. If they did find it. That's an hour before I could log in my password in.
#48
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#52
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
You do realize none of these are actual complaints? Funny anecdotes to refresh us after contemplating 3rd world problems
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#54
Leoninus Fate 8 years ago
someone else made this joke but instead of there kid it was there best friend
#55
#56
Leah Crosby 9 years ago
Mine is six and he still figures it out. I have to lock the door. It is almost like having a cat. He will put his hands under the bottom of the door. Seriously?! I just want to pee in peace!
#57
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
My dad says "do as I say, not as I do" lol, he contradicts his own rules 24/7
#58
Kylee Collins 7 years ago
Yesss I used to watch that with my brother allll the time...I miss it....I really miss kipper the dog
#59
Dessira Buchholz 9 years ago
Hey, this kid did a better job than most dog groomers I've worked with.
Master Markus 9 years ago
I do not believe that a kid did that. There is no mess around the dog's fur. I don't know anyone who can paint nails that cleanly!
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
Can I book a appointment??? I'm 11 and when I paint nails it looks like a cat barfed on them.....
#60
Harlan Bleiler 9 years ago
My favorite part is seeing if I can be the first one to pick up my kid and leave the parking lot
#61
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
I wanted to go swimming but it was raining when I was 5 and I was like "why? Where going to get wet anyway."
#63
#65
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Hans, with all my (faux) love, SHUT UP. You're harsh interrogation our our humor break, man!!!
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#67
Jeanne Deaux 9 years ago
Hey it's better than me. When mom asked "Do you need to go to the bathroom?" before going out I always answered "No, I'm fine". Then we would get in the car and a few minutes (if not just a minute) later I would "Mooooom, I need to pee asap!!! Quick stop the car!!!!"
#70
SapphireDolphin10 9 years ago
When I was 3 I could name them all & their facts and stuff,Thx Dino Dan & Dinosaur Train but I couldnt remember to put my dishes in the sink
#71
Leah Crosby 9 years ago
Mimosa, glass of wine, beer, shot of tequila...does it really matter???
#72
Leah Crosby 9 years ago
Then there are those ''helpful' people that you do not know who are more than willing to walk up to you on the street and tell you that you are doing it all wrong!
#74
Kimilla Grindlay 9 years ago
I think she means to imply that they are slightly backwards in the way they've completed the chore.
Donna Brown 9 years ago
I'm married to my cousin. Relax, I was adopted by his aunt and uncle as a toddler and he's 9 years older.
DLB 9 years ago
Didn't you grow up together? Close in proximity? I have adopted cousins whom I was best friends with as a kid. Perhaps you met your older cousin at a later date?
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DLB 9 years ago
She's implying that the dishwasher was loaded all discombobulated....everything askew...no rhyme or reason. When first cousins get married it's often said there's a high risk of mental retardation because of essentially being inbred. I don't know if that it's true or not about the mental defects of cousins marrying, I just know I grew up hearing that and learning that in school. I'm sure the Tweet was meant to say that because the dishwasher was loaded so poorly, that perhaps she married her cousin.
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over opinionated 9 years ago
you have the energy to walk on your hands across the kitchen? Impressive!
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#83
Hayley Lightcap 9 years ago
Oh pulease all that means is that they eat candy they found in the grass
#84
Dessira Buchholz 9 years ago
My mom did that once. Except I was eating change that the cashier gave me. I was 4. I was rushed to the emergency room.
Jeanne Deaux 9 years ago
I hate one of my mother's plant once. I used to take it's tiny leaf to play "cook a soup" with it and I don't know, maybe a moment of crazyness, one day I hate it.
Jeanne Deaux 9 years ago
Damn, I ate it, not hate it, even though after that episode I really hated the plant, and love the toilet seat...
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#87
Terri Motheroffour 9 years ago
My adult daughter says her son's backpack "just threw up on the floor.". And that's where he leaves it.
#90
Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Used to tantrums. Now I'm just jealous I can't throw one without being taken away.
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Dorien Adriaenssens 9 years ago
I feel bad for my mother now... I used to be that kid that occasionally needed to know where this or that artwork me or my sister made was. I would not stop until I had an answer, or until I found back said artwork and placed it back in sight where I thought it belonged;
Dorien Adriaenssens 9 years ago
With some of the s**t I pulled off, I'm sometimes surprised my mother survived parenting and stayed sain.
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#96
Kylee Collins 7 years ago
Ok this is what you so...you take the leaf blower and shove it is all the way up their a*s and then your good...Go get a bottle of wine and relax
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Flora Polvado 9 years ago
Actually, there about people trying to deal with their "first world" problems with humor. How horrible of us
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#126
Master Markus 9 years ago
Kids will watch WAY worse than that, so I wouldn't be too particular when they're young.
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What do you think ?
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
I ALWAYS enjoy a good chuckle with the morning java. Thanks Bored Panda!
Catryna Jensen-Radsliff White 9 years ago
I remember years ago, my son made a bunch of rum balls. I love rum balls...........................................The next day while he was at work, I couldn't control myself and ate them all! OMG! He was so furious when he got home.....he had been looking forward, all day, to having some.................I have guilt to this day about that. (Knowing what I had done, I bought more rum before he got home; he made more.......but still, the guilt)(sigh)
Yvonne Bernal 9 years ago
I ALWAYS enjoy a good chuckle with the morning java. Thanks Bored Panda!
Catryna Jensen-Radsliff White 9 years ago
I remember years ago, my son made a bunch of rum balls. I love rum balls...........................................The next day while he was at work, I couldn't control myself and ate them all! OMG! He was so furious when he got home.....he had been looking forward, all day, to having some.................I have guilt to this day about that. (Knowing what I had done, I bought more rum before he got home; he made more.......but still, the guilt)(sigh)
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