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A lot has changed since Elon Musk acquired Twitter, ripped its soul out, and rebranded it as X. But one thing remained the same, and that is the out-of-this-world funny content that people share on the platform. No matter what’s happening in the world, you can count on folks on X to see humor in everything and make us laugh.We all probably could use a little pick-me-up right now, so we gathered many tastefully hilarious tweets from the ‘Texts From Last Night’ Instagram account for your entertainment. To find them, all you have to do is scroll down!
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#9
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 months ago
Forget getting a guy or girl, I want that risotto recipe... XP XD
#10
Dave Brown 2 months ago
But you were delayed WITH Karen, so really $200 was the least the airline could do for you. You earned it.
#11
#19
No Man 2 months ago
In just about every other developed country, the gov just sends you a bill or a refund as needed. You only need to file a return if you have special circumstance. If you're just a "wage slave", the government (even in the US) already knows everything they need to know. For the vast majority of working folks, there's no need to file a return. All those bits of paper you get; 1099s, W-2s etc, are just copies of information that has already been provided to the IRS.
#25
#31
Billo66 2 months ago
We have canned black bread, bacon, cheeseburgers. ..I'm sorry. "tins of..." :) yes they are quire disgusting.
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Rosie 2 months ago
They're not really cans, just cardboard tubes (slightly thicker than for toilet rolls?). They have a cut that goes all the way around lengthwise & the label holds it all together (mostly). Once you peel the label off, you twist the "can" & it pops open at the cut. A bit more twisting & you can get the contents out. Once in a while a cheapie brand won't make strong enough labels & the dough would pop out in your fridge. Usually the worst problem is to keep twisting the tube after it pops w/o mushing the contents. In the US, we get tubes for biscuits (scones), pizza dough, croissants, etc.
KazzaHazza 2 months ago
Wasn’t there a story going round that a woman had one of these in her shopping in a hot car and it popped and splattered on her head and she thought she’d been shot?
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Gingersnap In Iowa 2 months ago
I'm hungry for a biscuit! I had one with my supper but a certain dog named Melvin took it.
#33
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago
LOUDER for the rich mfers in the back. Money, like time, is a made up social construct. Unfortunately it's one that currently determines our ability to survive, but made up nonetheless. If banks can get billion dollar bail outs, so can the people.
#38
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago (edited)
Now I feel like an alcoholic because I didn't realize there are people who didn't know this was a drink. So y'all didn't show up to every party in your 20s carrying a full bottle of Malibu that you'd inevitably empty by end of the night??
#41
Blue Bunny of Happiness 2 months ago
Ahhh….so .I actually need to not look like s**t on occasion then. Got it.
#44
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago
Take a break, but only when it's convenient for everyone else, and not too long of a break. Like, 3 minutes maximum.
#48
LillieMean 2 months ago
This is how I dress for the seasons. Spring: Pastel shades, like the first delicate flowers of spring. A promise of light, warmth and spiritual growth. Summer: Psychedelic color combinations. Keys to style, forest rave and strange bohemian hippie clothes. Sun and an endlessly bright summer night. Autumn: Lush autumn colors that celebrate the harvest while saying bon voyage to the migratory birds. You reflect on the thinness of the thread of life. Winter: Whatever. No one can see what's under the coat. At least not a bra, that's for sure.
#49
Yrral Spavit 2 months ago (edited)
Couldn't make it to the gym for my workout this morning. That makes five years and counting :p
#51
Trophy Husband 2 months ago
That's actually a scientific fact, your brain edits out unimportant information and routine driving is high on that list. When you're on a commute you will often not remember it.
#56
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago
Turning 40 means finally figuring it out and not drinking like I used to
#59
Mike Rodrick 2 months ago
At least they won't judge you & you don't have to pay them $300 an hour.
#60
#63
The Majestic Opossum 2 months ago
Gross. I'll never understand how some people still think marriage is a marker of success.
#67
#70
Doug Moyer 2 months ago
The wife and I went to a nice little bar/cafe near us for dinner last night. Afterwards, we played Mexican train dominos and chatted. Didn't look at the phone for like two hours. Didn't even get the DTs...
#75
Agfox 2 months ago
I was at a Toastmasters Club meeting & a guy who'd been given "Fatalities in Small Boats" as the topic of his talk said "Fertilities" the first time around. He was unhappy for a long time afterwards, not helped by seeing some members & guests struggle unsuccessfully not to react
#78
#80
#84
Phantom Phoenix 2 months ago
How does 1989 simultaneously feel like 20 years ago and 100 years ago?
#87
Dorothea Lehmann 2 months ago (edited)
Can one just see other people's venmo transactions? Sounds awful.
#90
murmelinpaiva 2 months ago
I was working at a hospital on night shift when they brought in a guy who was drunk on the job at a steel mill and lost both his hands in a pressing machine.
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Serena Myers 2 months ago
Can anyone explain the notification that there is 1 comment, and when you check, there aren't any? Is this a similar thing to BP writers being allowed 30 upvotes automatically, and they can borrow another 30 from someone else who's on their day off? This should register as 2 comments now.
sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
anyone want to try my hey pandas? https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=9360715
sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
if you don't try it I will send this guy to your house images-2-6...2f3b3.jpeg 
Serena Myers 2 months ago
Can anyone explain the notification that there is 1 comment, and when you check, there aren't any? Is this a similar thing to BP writers being allowed 30 upvotes automatically, and they can borrow another 30 from someone else who's on their day off? This should register as 2 comments now.
sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
anyone want to try my hey pandas? https://www.boredpanda.com/?p=9360715
sawyerdakraken 2 months ago
if you don't try it I will send this guy to your house images-2-6...2f3b3.jpeg
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