If you didn’t know just yet, God is on Twitter. The Almighty has over 6.1 million devout fans eagerly awaiting His latest posts while He Himself follows only one account—Justin Bieber’s. The parody account is full of hilarious jokes and witty comments that will hopefully make you laugh and raise your spirits.
We’ve collected some of the best tweets posted by God for you to enjoy, so scroll down, have a read, and upvote your fave ones. Let us know what you think about the Almighty’s posts in the comment section below.
And in case you were wondering why your prayers might not be working this month, God has stated that He is “taking time off” to write His newest testament while on a ‘workation’ on the planet Bethselamin from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
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Sorry, but you also allowed that murderers became president of Russia and China. Just saying....
Don’t worry, though, the creator of the parody account has stated that God will be back “angrier, wittier, and more ineffective than ever” once September starts. Just in time for the new school year! “In My absence, no one is in charge,” God added.
The man behind The Tweet of God account is David Javerbaum from Los Angeles. He explained why the account he manages follows Bieber by saying, “From what God told me, he only follows close family members. That’s all I could get out of him.”
David is always in character, even when talking to the press. He maintains the appearance that he works for God and that he’s His social media manager. David started the account in 2010 while working on a book called ‘The Last Testament: A Memoir by God.’ One year later, he published the book and, ironically, people thought it was copying off the Twitter account.
Eventually, David was approached to turn his Twitter account into a Broadway play. Which resulted in The Act of God which went on for two summers all over the world.
In case you want to reach David and talk to God, don’t hold your breath. “God replies to tweets exactly as often as he replies to prayers from other people,” he said.
God’s rival Satan also had a similar parody Twitter account. However, due to a change in Twitter’s content policy, the Prince of Darkness got banned. Though the two accounts are quite similar, they weren’t created by the same person. And in the fight for our everlasting souls on social media, God came out victorious in the end.
However, The Tweet of God account has been through some ups and downs. Five years ago, God’s account got hacked which made David quit Twitter for a year and a half. The account also got banned twice. However, the account’s still going strong. Mainly because of how much potential for satire there is in the world.
“The only time there would be no material for satire will be in a perfect world. And I don’t see that coming any time soon. I do think that if it were a perfect world, my [in]ability to make fun of it would be a small price to pay,” David told The Hindu.
I'm sure hardcore bible fanatics have an answer for this. It might not be a smart answer but an answer.
Yes, and their children had two boys, and one killed the other...so....there are some serious plot holes in this narrative.
The bible says they had three sons. Cain. Abel. Seth.
Load More Replies...Let's see... Adam and Eve had Cain and Able. Then Cain took a wife - was she a goat? Who gave birth to his wife?
We didn’t evolve from apes, as such. I was taught that we have ancestors in common.
And then that same incest formula was spread to every creature on earth in the fairy tale of Noah's Ark.
I was raised Christian and came to my own beliefs as I got older and more educated. The correct truth is that Adam and Eve were simply created first. They were not the only humans created, just first before the others. Also “made from his image” is not to be taken literal. It can simply mean what he imagined us to look like. Likely if God is real, he isn’t human and maybe not even a he.
Nope. Bible says Adam and Eve cane first and had 2 sons. Thus the only way humans populated the earth is from generations of sibling f*****g. And again after the flood when it was just Noah and co.
Load More Replies...I say we came from apes but I also say God was real but I don't think he created life cause we came from apes (but that is my opinion)
And they'll spray Round Up and insecticides to make the salad better.
Nah. We won't live to see it so we'll leave to the younger generations to solve that problem but we are also going to sabotage every effort they are making now to turn the tide. Like allowing oil companies to drill in the Arctic Wildlife Refuge.
That's ok. According to your followers you are one unforgiving, heartless, unloving jerk anyway, so we didn't expect you to actually intervene in some way. Like striking a few fools with lightning.
NRA logic: Guns don't kill people. But people with guns kill people. So to protect yourself from people with guns, buy a gun. ( BTW Hey, congressmen, you still haven't pushed the stand your ground laws in all states. That's not what we paid you for...)
Or as I heard/read it somewhere else years ago: "Artificial intelligence stand no chance against natural stupidity".
China is supposedly cracking down on the wildlife markets. Hopefully some real change will finally come.
Marriage is a bond between two loving persons. There god, I fixed it for you.
They're no more in its a**s than the clitoris is in a woman's a**s. You would think that God could at least remember where he put them.
Note: this post originally had 116 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies...I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
@Soggy Crumpet Mother Teresa and Gandhi were not the saintly figures you think they were. And I haven't checked, because I'm a lazy SOB, but there's a good chance there are Twitter accounts in a similar vein to God's based on them, just not as popular. As to why God is okay, it's because he's not verified.
Few seem to know about this little thing called THE 7 DEADLY Sins as this post /opinions abundantly shows......Probably not popular enough these days.
No, it's just a crock of s**t. No such thing as a sin. Sin is a fictional, man-made concept. Grow up.
Load More Replies...Wow, you mean God loves everyone and wants them to live healthy and happy, so God is "brain-dead liberal voter"? Sign me up for more God!
Load More Replies...I am happy that "God" is supporting gays and not encouraging homophobia
Where’d all the dumbfuck conservatives come from? Did the Trump rally let out early?
"Mother" Theresa was a stupid c**t in love with poverty who hoarded millions of dollars but spent zero in making the lives of the poor better. She denied heat, analgesics and basic care expenses to those suffering in her shelters. She was a miserable woman. Are you being deliberately ignorant?
She denied morphine to dying cancer patients because "suffering brings us closer to god". So of course catholics made her a saint.
Load More Replies...I don't have Twitter but I love reading God's tweets. They are amazing
@Soggy Crumpet Mother Teresa and Gandhi were not the saintly figures you think they were. And I haven't checked, because I'm a lazy SOB, but there's a good chance there are Twitter accounts in a similar vein to God's based on them, just not as popular. As to why God is okay, it's because he's not verified.
Few seem to know about this little thing called THE 7 DEADLY Sins as this post /opinions abundantly shows......Probably not popular enough these days.
No, it's just a crock of s**t. No such thing as a sin. Sin is a fictional, man-made concept. Grow up.
Load More Replies...Wow, you mean God loves everyone and wants them to live healthy and happy, so God is "brain-dead liberal voter"? Sign me up for more God!
Load More Replies...