102 Funny Dad Tweets To Tickle Your Funny Bone

Hopefully it was a long song. Revenge is good.

Singing ... November Rain.

Imagine it was Bohemian Rhapsody.

"Hello, Boss? You won't believe this, but..."

Haha incompetent parenting is so funny when done by a man

Looks like kid got a freebie!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

How was your volcano then?

My husband is our kids teacher, it's a long story, and I am still basically writing their homework.

And the wine! Don't forget the wine!

and ... who hasn't had a nap and making really smelly food.

AND, that it also describes a certain kind of person. That could REALLY mess up the kids...!

Buuuuurrrrn

I laughed too hard at this

I mean she is right

I mean, I don't have any kids, but my little brothers week is very similar

Mom said I could

My standing rule was that anyone who gave my kids musical instruments were the same people at whose houses the instrument would be played at. Youngest is now 15, and so far, zero musical instruments.

My elementary school never did recorders; my parents had no idea how much worse things could've been when I was a kid 😂

As I am writing this, a 4 year old just found the recorder I hid from him and started blowing it. Send help now.

Okay, from now on I will refer all the questions to you, teach

You're not wrong though

I still have to move cups away from the edge of the table and my son is 18 ...

I did this yesterday and my son is 26.

Same when you're parenting cats - except you have to move EVERYTHING away from the edge of the table. Better still, don't put things on the table.

Kudos to your boss

Brilliant - I'm going to set up 4 Zoom meetings for next week.

W boss

Congratulations! It's a four-month-old with jello on it!

I don't have kids and I've been doing that since I was a teen. I like some realism in my drama :)

that and when you see a naked woman to tv ... those are not her real boobs.

Ah, you nearly missed the most important bit

Good show! We did a lot of this kind of cause and effect experiments when my son was much younger.

Good job!

22 years ago, on the birth of our first son, the midwife said to my wife, "Don't be squeezing his (me) hand so tight. - You'll hurt him." I have cursed that midwife since then. Equating a sore hand to giving birth has caused me pain for 22 years. I couldn't believe it when she said it. Even my wife stopped srceaming, then turned to give me a look I will never forget.

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My children and wife wake up each day and immedieately go to the window to look for an Amazon van. When it arrives, I immediately check my bank account online. I think I'll cancel my internet broadband subscription.

Haha 😆

Half hour later you start missing them

What they want to say, "yeah genius, but what words b!tch" vs what they actually say "what words, honey"

It's called "Karma for Parents (aka Dummies)"

Oh to have jaws that big. Bringing up my children would have been a breeze. I'd be close to biting sometimes though.

Now that's a skill they don't teach at school

My 13 YO had figured out that the further behind the gets in his assignments (which have due dates but are accepted late), the better the bribes get... FML

Men / boys beware. Girls - They are born with life long skills.

My dad could never get me to watch footy on tv. One time he did convince me to come to a game (the whole family went) but I spent the whole time reading so he realised it was a waste of money!

This is why I don't want colleagues with sick kids at my desk. Keep your germs buddy, I can talk to you while you stand in the door.

Kids feel much better, but believe their demands will make you better.