Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Ah, the UK. Home of sharp banter, queuing like it’s a competitive sport, apologizing to lampposts, questionable food choices, and a music scene that’s given the world some absolute legends. We love you for all of it.
And let’s not forget that world-class sense of humor. To celebrate it, we’ve rounded up some of the funniest posts from the Instagram page Official British Memes—a goldmine of Brits doing what they do best: being sarcastic, dry, and downright hilarious.
So, stick the kettle on and scroll down for a proper laugh. And while you’re at it, don’t miss our chat with Kristen Howell-Brear, a social media content creator and American in the UK, who shares what it’s really like to face British sarcasm and quick wit firsthand.
More info: Instagram
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Inservio Smurf 4 months ago
If I was the child's mother I'd bloody FRAME this, it is SO wonderful!
RELATED:
#2
Yash Kumar 4 months ago
How is this funny sense of humor instead i love it how loving they are
Samantha H 4 months ago
That is very touching and most people never get to experience true love like that.
#3
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
I had an anthropology professor who liked to tell a story about his sabbatical in Amsterdam. He's sitting there with his host smoking a joint and the TV detector van rolls by. His host shuts the TV off and says he hopes they don't knock. I hear this story and I'm just picturing a stoner trying to flush the TV down the drain but not giving a d**n about the 1/8 ounce bag on the coffee table.
Leesa DeAndrea 3 months ago
My dad used to steal cable service. He had a friend who'd give him a heads up when the cable company was checking the poles and I remember watching Dad climbing the pole to disconnect the wire before the truck got to our neighborhood. This was back in the 1960s and where we lived if you didn't have cable you didn't have tv because the signal was blocked by the mountains (I think).
Load More Replies...
Pferdchen 4 months ago
I'm flabbergasted that I didn't know about TV licenses (until today). Do households with multiple TVs have to license each one? Are there waivers for low income families?
Natalia 4 months ago
One licence per household, not sure about waivers though
Load More Replies... 2bwhctmvgn 4 months ago
Why would the guy from the TV license tell your Auntie that she doesn't have a TV?
Schmebulock 4 months ago
Why do you have to pay to use a TV and is this just for basic channels or do you get more?
FlamingZombies 4 months ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Television_licensing_in_the_United_Kingdom
Load More Replies... 
Jnausicaa 4 months ago
It's a license for your telly. Like your pet bee license.
Load More Replies...
#4
The Starsong Princess 4 months ago
My grandmother left me $1000 and I bought a sideboard for the living room. I still have it twenty years later. I wanted something to keep.
Michael Hewitt 4 months ago
I was stood waiting for a train on York Station in the main lobby area and people kept coming over to me to ask questions about trains, which platform, and all sorts of other questions. I decided to stand somewhere else and when I looked back I realised I'd mean standing next to an information desk.
#5
#6
Spidercat 4 months ago (edited)
3.2 countries to be exact. Although His Majesty's loyal and noble subjects the Scots and Welsh try to dispute. Please don't mention the .2 however...
Load More Replies...
Paul C. 4 months ago
Scrolling slowly, slowly, slowly down, to find the UK, only to get to the bottom and find you missed England near the top!
Earonn - 4 months ago
Suddenly I see another perk of living in Scotland :D
Load More Replies... Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago (edited)
I see this meme all the time - it's almost always UK. I've *never* encountered "England" unless the drop down is specifically asking for UK region, and it's **never, ever** B for Britain.
Kira Okah 4 months ago
I have twice come across online order forms that separate England, Northern Ireland, Scotand, and Wales under country options without having UK or GB as an option. It was odd to select Wales, it is very rare.
Load More Replies...
Lesley Relph 4 months ago
Or if you're using a French website that lists countries in French alphabetical order then converts it to English. UK is Royaume-Uni.
FreeTheUnicorn 4 months ago
That's really nothing compared to the rage of having to be part of B G and U.
Earonn - 4 months ago
Not to mention the s**t E drags us into.... or the good things they drag us out of, like the EU. Nice username, btw!
Load More Replies...
Squirrel Chaser 4 months ago
That's nothing to compared to the carpal tunnel I get when scrolling down, down, down to my birth year...
N.C. O'Brien 4 months ago
I thought that was bad enough until I had to scroll back every month of every year until thankfully November 1978 finally arrived. Can’t remember the site but never again.
Load More Replies...
#7
nottheactualphoto 4 months ago
Ruth went out for a ride / In the convertible with me. / I hit a bump at 65 / And drove on Ruthlessly
Mary Peace 4 months ago
I had a little chuckle at this but didn't laugh out loud, I think because I have a close friend called Ruth.
trixiefly11 4 months ago
He probably only ever asked "how is Ruth" in the hopes he would say they broke up so he could spring that line.
#8
Multa Nocte 4 months ago
Jesus fucking Christ, BP - at least be consistent with your dumb ass censoring.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Depends on how much Bored Panda I've done... I mean, there's some bollox on here sometimes isn't there
Load More Replies...
#9
Jan Rosier 4 months ago
all wrong. one and two both friet, being different sizes. three = chips
Melfunction 4 months ago
I'm in the UK, in a restaurant and I ask for chips with the meal. They bring a bag of crisps as they thought I was too stupid, as an American, to know how y'all call your versions of fried potatoes. So I said to our server, 'I asked for chips. These are crisps.' I recieved full English apologies.
#10
sbj 4 months ago
I've been mistaken for staff in stores on numerous occasions, never understood why because if you see my face the last thing you would think is that I looked like I was willing to help
General Anaesthesia 4 months ago
Judging by the number of job-hating posts on BP, that's exactly the face I'd expect on an employee.
Load More Replies...
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 4 months ago
If you ever want to sneak into a big event or outdoor concert, wear a pair of overalls and bring a hand truck. "What I'm here to change the kegs and restock.
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 months ago
That's the equivalent of wearing a red tee and khaki's in Target, FYI ~
Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 4 months ago
I was in uniform, and stopped in before shift for a take away. The manager said; "Finally, I need you to get this guy out of here." I looked at him and said flatly, "Why, is he on fire?" It took another few seconds to realize what I meant, and exactly who I was and where I worked. As I was paying, he then had to gall to say, "Well just so you know, only police get a discount." I had neither asked, nor expected. But I did say after paying, "Have a nice day. Don't call us, we'll call you."
Gracie Mae 4 months ago
I've been mistaken for staff and NOT been dressed like them; i don't get it
#11
WalterWhiteSavannah 4 months ago
Wtf I would k**l to have a landlord like that. The best one i had was living on the other side of the country and just totally ignored his tenants and needs entirely. The rest have been actively trash people.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
My best landlord lived about 2 hours away and I knew him from church and he kept the rent low. He was quick to fix any maintenance too, because it had been his primary home until he got a job in a small coastal town. Then he had a heart attack after about 11 months. His ex-wife (and friend) had told us they would keep us as tenants, but after a couple of months she realised they (her & her wo daughters) could get more by selling. Glad to be in my own house now, far from landlords, as the rest (or their agents) have also been trash.
Load More Replies... Marsha Hultberg 4 months ago
WOW... we should all be so kind and appreciative. Unheard of in my neck of the woods. (SF Bay Area, CA)
#12
Boris Long-Johnson 4 months ago
This is not a fair representation. https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2020/jul/26/st-bernard-dog-rescued-after-collapsing-on-scafell-pike “ when Cumbria police contacted us about a St Bernard dog, who had collapsed whilst descending from the summit of Scafell Pike and therefore [was] unable to carry on, our members didn’t need to think twice about mobilising and deploying to help retrieve Daisy off England’s highest.”
StretcherBearer 4 months ago
A litter for the little lady. A palanquin for a princess pupper.😁
Dogcat vet (retired) 4 months ago
Too bad she doesn't have a little beer keg to show her appreciation to her rescuers
Marlene Ricker 4 months ago
I think Daisy is my spirit animal! I just love that it took 14 people to carry her down Daisy for the win!!!!
#13
Nosirrow 4 months ago
As always, first make sure the teachers are not insane. All my Maths teachers were crazy and didn't want us to learn anything. Maths teachers are the worst.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Our maths teachers were perfectly sane and nice people. The chemistry teachers on the other hand were all sadistic lunatics
Load More Replies...
Earonn - 4 months ago
Forget about maths - I pity all the school children who have to learn the names of the countless prime ministers we've had from 2015 to 2025 alone. Fvcking Tories. Not that the current one was much better, the effin Zionist puppet.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
Aussie kids have the same trouble I'm sure. The mid 2000s were especially crazy.
Load More Replies... #14
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I tell myself this most days, but it doesn't help
Load More Replies... Cpt. Christan "Panda Bombero" 4 months ago (edited)
I already did my "acting like an adult" time. Now that I did my time, put in my papers, and got my pension... I am going to sit at home, drink coffee or tea, pet my cats, and watch anime whenever I want!
Nosirrow 4 months ago
5-10 min into the first session with a psychiatrist I said, ' As a daughter of my parents-' and the crazy psychiatrist interrupted me to say, ' You're not a child anymore! Time to grow up!' What a freaking idiot, omg. She also was angry with me for not immediately talking about my parents' divorce. As if I was hiding my horrible deed.
#15
Mary Peace 4 months ago
Reason we don't all do this is the insurance. Delivery driver isn't insured for passengers so would be in trouble if found out.
#16
#17
Tom Brincefield 4 months ago
In the American South, they say it to your face and it starts off "Well Bless your heart..."
keyboardtek 4 months ago
One of the local music shops in NC is run by right wing Christian extremists. That religion that professes love and all you hear out of these people's mouths are criticizing and complaints about everyone.
Load More Replies...
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
The UK one generally isn't sarcastic though. I have a friend who is a thoroughly lovely person but an absolute loose cannon to whom logic is a complete stranger, and I've often said this about her, mostly in wonderment.
Load More Replies...
#18
B 4 months ago
Kinda like when I first arrived in Britain. Someone said to me, 'Y'alright?' and I replied, 'I'm fine thanks. How about you?' They looked at me like I'd crawled out of cheese. Apparently the answer is exactly the same as the question: 'Y'alright.'
JoRo 4 months ago
That's odd as your response was spot on. It's usually: P1. Alright? P2. Not bad, you? P1. Yep, good ta. Then nod or smile - walk in opposite directions. Mortifying when you then find your heading the same way!
Load More Replies...
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Exactly, could've been avoided by saying "where's it going"
Load More Replies... #19
Colleen Glim 4 months ago
I still wear scrunchies and I’m 55. They have the advantage of being easy to remove. I don’t pull out half my hair and they come in fun colours
Load More Replies... #20
WalterWhiteSavannah 4 months ago (edited)
I still remember way back when some idiot cut me off and easily side swiped me, I cut right to avoid getting hit and my old f250s giant mirror took out the tail light on a brand new dodge. I stuck around (nervous as all hell aa a 19 year old) till the owner came out and explained what happened. Guy was so chill about it and told me to just take off and he'd report it as a hit and run. Still grateful to that guy. Old me probly woulda let the idiot who cause it aide swipe me. Your 240z wouldn't do well slamming into an 84 3/4 ton ford.
Rick Murray 4 months ago
My mother was backed into by a woman trying to navigate a car park whilst eating a sandwich. 🤦🏻♀️ Woman gets out, looking ready to faint. Mom doesn't even look at the car, it's a Volvo back in the days when they were chunky tanks, tells the woman to worry about her own car given that it looked like the hatchback wasn't ever again going to close correctly. When we got home, the front bumper was *slightly* dented.
Bremusa4u 4 months ago
I was rear-ended while waiting for the train to pass by. I was driving my f-150 and the lady hit me with an batter gmc. When I got out to check the damage, my truck didn't have a scratch but her car's bumper was on the road. I took a look at her scared face and told her to pick up the bumper, put it in the back seat, and go on her way.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
I once backed into a young couple's car (I was avoiding a car which changed it's mind about the parking space and suddenly reversed to go in a nearer one 😡). There didn't appear to be any damage but they wouldn't even take my details in case something became apparent later.
Joanne Hudson 4 months ago
We were stopped at a light right at a railroad crossing, high traffic time, cops had someone pulled off right next to us. Guy behind me was rubbernecking as were most people and he gently rolled into my rear bumper. We got out to look and I told him if he could pick out which scratch he'd put on it, we could do business. Light changed, we went back to our cars, crossed tracks and went on with our lives.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago (edited)
I have 'f**k me' on my car bonnet because I can't justify the cost of fixing it after kids (I hope) keyed my car outside my house. I was a probationary driver at the time and my insurance was already charging me more for that as well as living in an 'unsafe' suburb.
#21
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Mums can be weird. As an aunt, I would be so proud that my niblings had thought to name a tortoise Voldetort. I was happy enough to take my nephew's dog Smeagol to the vet (Boston terrier, I'm sure you can see the reasoning).
Bill Swallow 4 months ago
Another good name for a Boston Terrier would be 'Cabover Pete', if you're familiar with semi trucks.
Load More Replies... 
BrownEyedGrrl 4 months ago
I just read this to my adult daughter (while laughing). She said "Why can't we have people like that in our lives?"
Mary Peace 4 months ago
She should be proud of voldetort and his name. When I ring the vet to make an appointment to take the cat in, I have to give the cat's name, so they have the records ready. If I said a different name they'd tell me he wasn't registered there.
#22
Uncle Panda 4 months ago (edited)
As I moved on to my seat, I told the woman I was chatting with in the aisle, "Hope you have a safe flight!" I was several rows back when I heard "HA! You too!"
Brain-In-A-Vat 4 months ago
Not such a stupid question. When I was a kid, and we used to go to Majorca on holiday, people would be travelling to different resorts, often at opposite ends of the island, but everyone had to fly to the only airport on the island, so in this case 'where you off to, then' could mean 'which resort are you travelling to ?'
#23
#24
WubiDubi 4 months ago
At 70 you need zero fúcks, your peers are dying, have Alzeimers or are stuck at home Anyone younger than you can shút up.
tee-lena 4 months ago
Mom is 70 and we're about to color it purple or pink before she loses it all. Everytime I've done mine she gets her own done. Except green.she wouldn't do green
Load More Replies...
Deborah B 4 months ago
Depends whether the wedding is full of people who would secretly like to be brave enough to have blue hair, or full of a******s.
Lene 4 months ago
When my late grandma was in her late 80s she informed me that if she'd been 50-60 years younger, she'd have loved to have a mohawk. Instead she dyed her hair purple.
Hassel Davidhoff 3 months ago
I've always love mohawks, had many over the years. However, it has been a long while and in the intervening years I've landed in a role at work where I can't really do it anymore The DAY when I finally retire I will return to that style, d**n the years.
Load More Replies... Binny Tutera 4 months ago
FFS, my daughter would take me out to find a dress for the wedding that matched my hair!!!
April Pickett 4 months ago
Is her Mum happy with the color? If she is, shut your face and let her alone.
#25
Dariusz M. D. 4 months ago
Let's be honest here. Neither Victorians nor Romans drove 10-tone vehicles. 10 thousand times a day.
Shelley DuVal 4 months ago
And it's just as perfect as when some ancient Roman laid it so long ago, so unlike the bitumen road covering it.
Inservio Smurf 4 months ago
Can we just stop for a moment and appreciate just HOW good the old roads were? I mean this is blowing my mind APART!
#26
Reemerger 4 months ago
First noticed this when trying to hop on a train back from Edinburgh to the B&B on the outskirts. The train had just arrived at the platform and the ticket guy was calmly explaining to me why I could not board this train with the return ticket I had bought when coming in. I could pay for an additional ticket so that I could board the train during peak time. All the while the train in the background is filling up and getting ready to go. Got on at the last second. I admire the ticket guy's calm. Couldn't be bothered if he made me miss the train. That's zen for ya...
Ronnie Beaton 4 months ago
And why does a single fare cost around 75% of a return? Surely, if you're only going half the distance, your fare should only cost half as much?
#27
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
The back story was about fuel shortages due to a lack of tanker drivers. Obviously the media highlighted the possibility of shortages, then the British public did the rest, a spate of panic buying and the shortage became a reality. Phil McCann turning up at a Stockport petrol station was perfect for the story.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
I'm pretty certain that the New Scientist reporter sent to interview James Lovelock last year was chosen because her first name was Gaia.
#28
RM 4 months ago (edited)
My dad was a technology teacher for many years for woodwork and metalwork and he and the other teachers used to do these jokes on the students. Send them to the technicians room to ask for tartan paint, left handed spanners, imperial/metric screwdrivers. My favourite was sending them to ask for "a long stand"... Technician was in on it, "ok, just wait right there"
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
My grandad did that when teaching woodwork, but just told me about it, rather than trying it on me.
Load More Replies... 
Deborah B 4 months ago
I would have told the kid it was a trick, and to get him back, he should go home and tell his Dad "they gave me a tin each of white and red, and a roll of masking tape, because the paint's all self-striping now, because of trading standards. It only cost £exorbitant because it's all clearance stuff and non-returnable."
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
I worked with a Chemistry teacher who could produce striped paint, if you let him prepare the surface and create the paint. Chemistry teachers have hidden powers ...
Nicola Hocking 4 months ago
when i wa a student nurse, a whuile back lol, one oft students was swent for diabetic ice cubes. She went to 4 wards asking before a nurse felt sorry for her and told her what was going on. she didnt find it very funny
#29
Min 4 months ago
This is not specific to any country. Wherever you are, there's always one going around.
Load More Replies... 
#30
#31
#32
Charlie the Cat 4 months ago
Anna & Elsa now living their best lives in the school playground 🐌
Andrew Keir 4 months ago
This c*****d me up, hope it didn't do the same to Anna& Elsie
Load More Replies...
Nikki Flynn 4 months ago
My 3yo grandson had a pet snail called Sammy. He kept putting it on the middle of the garden path and the wandering off. I stood on Sammy and I don't know how long I can keep up the lie that he's on holiday.
Kenny Kulbiski 4 months ago
Come on, they're snails. How hard can they be to catch? A flat out snail sprint is what, a foot an hour?
Deborah B 4 months ago
I'm assuming these were random garden snails that the little kid adopted, and not some sort of fancy petshop snails? I mean, people do actually have pet exotic snails, like giant african land snails, etc.
Nikole 4 months ago
I’ve looked into it before, and the giant snails are illegal in the U.S. (where I am). :(
Load More Replies... 
#33
Pandemonium 4 months ago
That probably also explains why your football supporters have such creative chants song loud and proud. We yanks can barely manage the "So good, so good, so good" line of Sweet Caroline
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
To be fair to Yanks, your pathetic football chants is because they try to encourage a family-friendly atmosphere at games, and you can be ejected for being vulgar.
Load More Replies... Mary Peace 4 months ago
I sang at primary school and secondary school (age 12 onwards) but never did the festival thing. I'm very nervous in groups of more than 50 so there's no way I'm going to a festival!
#34
NapQueen 4 months ago
My Granny used to make the BEST fry ups! Her fried bread was like none other :)
Pandemonium 4 months ago
I bet now you wish you were raised by Alex Mason's grandmother
Load More Replies... WalterWhiteSavannah 4 months ago
We had a sweet old lady with dementia at my work who was rabid for oreos. Never saw her aggressive or even angry till one day I gave her a few oreos and she came back 5 mins later threatening "to raise hell!" If I didn't give her more. Gave her more and she came back again yelling and demanding more and when I said I couldn't give her more she began pummeling the wall with her walker and having a full meltdown.
Nosirrow 4 months ago
I envy everyone who has normal grandparents. To both of my grandmothers I was unimportant. Zero interest, zero affection, nothing. Yeah, both of them survived WW 2 but I had my needs and they should've known that.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
That's very sad. My cousins' parents were, shall we say, suboptimal, but our grandmother stepped up to the mark so they didn't suffer as much damage as they might have.
Load More Replies... 
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
When my grandma found out my brother was coeliac, she would buy anything (within her budget) labelled gluten free to give him, usually chocolates. He didn't have the heart to tell her he didn't really like sweets.
#35
Boredandsomea 4 months ago
or to little information, I would like to know because I sometimes sit on the same seat as Steve.
Load More Replies... Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
Probably from it snapping shut every time Caitlin changes lane. Cute dog though.
Robert Millar 4 months ago
My friend Steve used to describe that situation as "half a crown sixpence".
Load More Replies...
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 4 months ago
Yeh, that text is going to put a stop to any further inquiries. Godspeed, Steve.
WubiDubi 4 months ago
Steve should have slapped his hand down and shouted stop to whoever was doing that to him. His wife Peggy?.
#36
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
You can laugh, I made sausage plait one night, my mother said ooh what's that, I said sausage wellington
Dirk Daring 4 months ago
You could take one letter out of the last word of the caption and it would still be true.
#37
Khavrinen 4 months ago
Plenty of people get annoyed over your/you're, but I find quite/quiet almost as irritating.
UKGrandad 4 months ago
Using 'seen' instead of 'saw' gets my eye twitching.
Load More Replies...
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 months ago
My Dad saw my ex at the golf course and literally walked a green or two over and just punched him in the head. Like, knocked him TF out, punched him. I've never felt so loved.
#38
#39
sbj 4 months ago
Jenny, that looks absolutely delicious and everything on that plate has been served in the right proportions. Also, nice touch to see a gravy boat being used
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Yes, the correct level of sausagidity. Not sure about the broccoli, I mean it's basically fluffy parsley in the context of sausage and mash.
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 4 months ago
Almost faultless, but the carrots are taking up space that would be better filled with sausages.
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
To refer back to a previous post, that is the absolute dog's bollox.
Samantha H 4 months ago
A Sausage work of art indeed, quite splendid, but could anyone eat all of them? I struggle to eat two. :)
moggiemoo 1 month ago
You're obviously not British. This is but a hearty snack. Particularly after 6 hours in the pub.
Load More Replies... Tom Brincefield 4 months ago
Aren't you folks always going on about the size of American food portions? It looks great, but I doubt I could get it all down.
Panda McPandaface 4 months ago
Taking things a little too seriously there mate.
Load More Replies...
#40
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
Exactly. We have four children (all now in their 20s) and all of them have been in charge of their own laundry since they were teens. Even if all they know how to do is put a 40 degree wash on, at least they're capable of looking after themselves. They can also all iron and cook. If I could just get them to close drawers when they've finished with them, they'd be all set.
Load More Replies...
Helen Rohrlach 4 months ago
My parents went on holiday for 6weeks when I was 17, left my elder brother (21) in charge. None of us starved and the house didn't burn down however learning to use the washing machine was interesting. Don't wash floor rugs as the machine will jump around the room and smell like burning rubber.
murmelinpaiva 4 months ago
My kids (all grown up now) had been doing their own laundry ever since they were tall enough to reach the buttons on the machine.
Rick Murray 4 months ago
JFC Adam, chuck clothes in, dribble some of that stuff on top (about a third of what it recommends), close both lids securely, select the hour long program (your mom is wrong, stinky things need more than 15m wash) and if you don't have one then go for synthetics 40°. Add extra rinse if the soap stuff bothers you. Press the start button. Play Minecraft for an hour. Open washing machine, remove everything, hang it up to dry. Leave it there overnight. Simple.
Celtic Pirate Queen 4 months ago
Wow, really? I taught my son how to do laundry when he was eight. I also taught him how to dust, vacuum and wash dishes. You UK Moms are soft.
#41
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
I love that grandparents never account for inflation. £2 when you're a baby, £2 when you're 5, £2 when you're 15, £2 wedding present...
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
My grandad always did, gave us about $50 for mowing his lawn, even when he halved the size by planting natives that didn't need mowing. He also paid for all our driving lessons and other gifts because 'you can't take it with you'. My uncle was a bit upset about it, because he was always stingy as a dad. When my grandad died, he didn't want any to go to us grandkids (he had no kids of his own) so my mum just took it out of her half of the money.
Load More Replies... #42
#43
Tim Fawcett 4 months ago
Especially if Dave gets a creme between from Dr bob
Load More Replies...
Paul C. 4 months ago
Then on a Wednesday you find this weeks middle Isle special offer is an engine for a Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor and a garden weed puller!
Verena 4 months ago (edited)
You still have the Wednesday specials? That thrill of the +/- 5 special items every week is long gone here. Decades ago they shifted them to Tuesday and Thursday, and since 10 years (?) non-food items are standard and can be ordered online, too. And they have scanners ... I remember the race of them typing the prices out of their head and you putting the stuff in your cart, and they always beat you - unless you strategically placed non-standard items in between. That bought you an extra half of a second.
Load More Replies...
les 4 months ago
i just think saying i showered with dave until i was covered in a smelly goo would be dirty
Chewie Baron 4 months ago
I’ve showered with a few Daves. Can’t remember if we ended up covered in smelly goo though.
Load More Replies... Khavrinen 4 months ago
Dr. Bob -- star of Veterinarian's Hospital: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf9S0pYf0VM
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
Sesame Street wasn't it? My best friend's father was a surgeon, his first name was Robert, we used to call him Dr Bob, with the accent obviously.
Load More Replies... Julie Payne 4 months ago
must be a thing in the UK. I shop at Aldi regularly and have never seen these I am in the USA, in Gainesville GA.
Blackmoon The Dragon 3 months ago
I dont see any of these in Aldi... but then again we have American Aldi :) i would love to see these in our aldi
#44
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
The instructor has dual controls and can apply the brake any time he wants.
#45
Auntriarch 4 months ago
"my head has fallen off" so it needs an apostrophe and fallen
Load More Replies... Kathy Brooke 4 months ago
Surely Daddy Tesco and Baby Tesco (the one in between is Mummy Tesco). Admit it, now you're singing it.
Inservio Smurf 4 months ago
Is nobody going to ask how many heads Aaron has and why it's more than ONE?!
#46
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Tuesday is Diamond Discount day at the Co-op, 10% off for the over 60s! Guess where I'm off to just now...
#47
Nikki Flynn 4 months ago
As someone who travelled from Leeds to Swindon every school holiday I feel this poor train.
#48
Paul C. 4 months ago
Back in 1974 I had my first lesson on a Monday and the instructor said, it's taking a few months to get a test date, apply straight away. Posted it first class, that day, reply arrived back on the Wednesday for my test on the Thursday. He took me out for an hour before the test at 11, passed and had my licence by 12. Before people are rude, no I didn't have a man walking in front of me with a flag!
Kathy Brooke 4 months ago
I had an instructor use me as free counselling twice a week while he gave up smoking.
Inservio Smurf 4 months ago (edited)
My mother never did pass, but she took the test 74 times and was granted her license out of desperation. When she came to collect the license there was a condolence card addressed to my father. Been a running gag in the family ever since :D
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I only talked to my instructor about driving. I didn't need more than that from the relationship. The paid instructor that is, who I only had about 10 lessons with. Mostly my mum was my supervising instructor, and I wish she would have shut up and focussed on the road. Actually she did once- my first time driving on the freeway my mum fell asleep! I didn't do too badly, but I was anxious most of the time.
#49
QijianSanek 4 months ago
For non British people/people who didn't watch the one singular episode of torchwood when a character says that, 'Chinese' is just short for Chinese restaurant.
Uncle Panda 4 months ago
I did this too. I had regular late night flights into a city and had my favorite Indian and Thai restaurants on speed dial. A straight run from the airport let me pick up just before they closed for the night.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
At least they didn't applaud the landing, like the bloody Yanks do.
Tom Brincefield 4 months ago
I've been on a couple of flights where the entire plane applauded from relief that the flight had finally ended safely. Alitalia & Air India did not give our flights a real sense of confidence in safe landings.
Load More Replies...
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
Poster might be from Britain, visiting Dublin
Load More Replies... #50
Reemerger 4 months ago
For once in my life I got lucky and timed the pick-up of my old sofa and the delivery of my new sofa perfectly. What a day... I should have a tapestry of it made, with knights and bowman and all for no reason.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
And a giant ladybird on a leaf in the corner. I'm going to be planning this in my head all morning now.
Load More Replies... #51
Teutonic Disaster 4 months ago
Which would probably also attract some kind of poisonous/venomous animal, 'cause 'straya.
Load More Replies...
Riaan van der Walt 4 months ago
Chocolate in the fridge for me, except if it is winter then it is fine to keep out.
Spidercat 4 months ago
Nope. Respect your opinion but it is definitely wrong. Chocolate goes In. The. Fridge. EOS.
Ryan-James O'Driscoll 4 months ago
No it doesn't. It will bloom in the fridge. You can choose to put it in there, but that doesn't make you right. However. Definitively. You. Say. It. EOS.
Load More Replies... 2bwhctmvgn 4 months ago
Sure, but they were talking about chocolate, not "chocolatey".
Load More Replies... #52
#53
moggiemoo 1 month ago
You ought to have heard what she called the little b***h when the airpod was found.
Load More Replies... #54
les 4 months ago
in the uk kitchen water is from the mains supply but the bathroom is usually from a tank in the attic. they are different. this is why public bathrooms say not drinking water
Kira Okah 4 months ago
If they have 30+ year old heating systems. Recently got ours replaced, not a single modern option made use of a separate hot water tank.
Load More Replies... 
Theresa Marshall 4 months ago
They taste different because they are different, the cold water from upstairs could have been sitting in a large tank for months it's a water pressure thing.
Foxglove🇮🇪 4 months ago
Because the bathroom water is from the tank in the loft, the kitchen water is from the mains!
Verena 4 months ago
TIL that there are cold water tanks placed in lofts. In all countries I have lived, cold water comes from the mains, hot water via a heating appliance, which heats water from the mains. No watertanks involved. Sometimes the water had not drinking quality in general, then water bottles needed to be bought for cooking and drinking.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I would use the bathroom tap, if the bottle fit under it, I don't care.
michael reid 4 months ago
As anyone who's plumbed a house will know, it's all the same water, all in the same pipes.
#55
G A 4 months ago
Never had an advent calendar but always have a selection box and a Terry's Chocolate Orange.
Lene 4 months ago
I was sooo excited when I found a store in Denmark that sell Terry's Chocolate Oranges. Lol. So I went and bought 5 of them, ate them in a few evenings and found that eating too many will upset my stumach. Will still eat them.... but with moderation. They are wonderful 😊
Load More Replies... Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
Advent calendars are £5+ a pop. There are cheaper ways to eat chocolate!
The Goo King 4 months ago
Not as much fun, though. They are like those dog bowls to stop greedy dogs eating so fast they choke, but for chocolates.
Load More Replies... #56
Ace 4 months ago (edited)
Whoever wrote the sign has worse maths skills that the staff, can't even recognise a plural from a singular
Load More Replies...
#57
#58
#59
#60
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 4 months ago
Rachel, if you're listening, trust me and cancel on those friends!!!!
OneHappyPuppy 4 months ago
This is something my, now late, grandma would do. Rachel, and every Rachel out there, appreciate family while they're still here
#62
Auntriarch 4 months ago (edited)
I had the "cherry" flavoured teramycin. 65 years later I still can't bear anything cherry flavoured. On the other hand I'm alive, so there's that.
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I had banana, cherry and coconut flavoured ones, when I had tonsilitis multiple times
#66
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding you have now ended up on a Bored Panda thread about ridiculous names people give their children.
#67
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
Greggs started in Gosforth, Newcastle-upon-Tyne. That’s why they’ve got so many in the city centre, it’s not a huge city but there’s plenty of folk there and a Greggs is staple lunchtime snack. Sausage and bean slice and a Belgian bun for me 😀
B 4 months ago
Last 3 times I bought from Greggs they didn't have what I wanted, then when I bought something else it was cold. Goodbye, Greggs.
Kira Okah 4 months ago
You know that the warm stuff can all be made to order right, so long as it's not ordering breakfast past breakfast?
Load More Replies... #68
#69
Stymied Egan 4 months ago
Okay, but how much money were they making? My son likes to remind me that I could fill my VW for five dollars. That is true, but I only made a dollar an hour before taxes.
2bwhctmvgn 4 months ago
Apparently average UK wage was £72, so less than a third, but not far off.
Load More Replies... #70
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
BP doing an excellent job censoring the work "nocunt". Turns out all you need to do to bypass the censor is forget a space.
Boredandsomea 4 months ago
nocunt is a proper noun in the book of regular queens English as told by commoners and rich folk alike.... maybe look it up in the book house for lending
Load More Replies... #71
Spidercat 4 months ago
Londoner here and frankly this is nonsense. Watford marks the border between North and South 🤣
John O'Donnell 4 months ago
I think you will find it’s the Harrow Road. Technically Wembley Stadium is oop north.
Load More Replies... Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
Anything north of Bristol is the The North, or as we southerners call it, "The badlands". It's grim up north.
Kira Okah 4 months ago
I am originally from South London (right on the Kent/London border). The North line is along Cheshire - Yorkshire southern borders.
Mike Price 4 months ago
I was born in a house in a tiny village no-one's ever heard of in disputed territory near Crewe, virtually on the border between Cheshire and Staffordshire and thus between The North and The Midlands. With the result that I've been thoroughly confused all my life. I'm 80!
Load More Replies... #72
#73
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Not exactly spot-on, there's no "r" sound at the end of "fajita", but there is at the end of "fheater"
Load More Replies... #74
#75
Boris Long-Johnson 4 months ago
Iraqs a bit tame - how about a dice with death and try getting through USA immigration?
#76
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Tbh that's a good way to phrase wealth inequality, if there's £80 trillion in the world and there's 8 billion people in the world then everyone could get £10k
#77
#78
M O'Connell 4 months ago
You're probably putting them on top of the packaged salad that they're stocked next to.
#79
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
We ordered a Jif lemon juice ready for Shrove Tuesday, mmmmm pancakes, Tesco sent a replacement Cif lemon bathroom cleaner, close but honestly it didn’t go well with sugar.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Mr Auntriarch would consider it a win. Given sufficient custard.
Load More Replies...
#81
Samantha H 4 months ago
Although it is a little cool it is better to be honest, much better than ghosting.
#85
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Poppy is a golden retriever, that's why they had to cut mum off, Poppy might have heard and been upset.
Load More Replies... #86
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
And then you’ll Google British plug and discover that when wired correctly it’s safer than any other plug. The live and neutral can’t be connected until the earth pin at the top has opened two slots in the wall up and even when the plug isn’t fully connected you can’t touch the live pin. The wiring inside is such that if you yank the wires out from the bottom the first to disconnect is the live, then the neutral and then the earth. It got an integral fuse. These are just the basics, it’s a work of genius, those 240v are super safe.Well, genius right up to the point that you stand on one in the dark and it pierces your foot, then it’s a ‘WHO LEFT THAT FECKING PLUG OUT ON THE FLOOR??’.
Strahd Ivarius 4 months ago
You'll note the "when wired correctly"... a mistake that can't happen with the EU plugs, of course, they were designed by Germans and are therefore efficient. And don't get me started on the US abominations!
Load More Replies... Wyrdwoman 4 months ago
Also used in Ireland, Cyprus, Malta, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, UAE, Bahrain, Kenya, Nigeria, and Ghana
OneHappyPuppy 4 months ago
I'll add Qatar to the list, but I'm not sure if its true nowadays
Load More Replies... James016 4 months ago
The cable comes out the bottom which is a better design that coming out the back. Rather oddly there are some reaction videos from Americans reacting to this plug design.
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
Probably because American electrics are terrifying.
Load More Replies... Gary 4 months ago
The best thing about british plugs is they actually stay in the wall, which is way more than can be said about American ones. When over there once I had to prop the apple charger up on books for it to stay in, great design!
2bwhctmvgn 4 months ago
I'm pretty sure British sockets can wear out, too.
Load More Replies... #87
sturmwesen 4 months ago (edited)
rookie mistake... you need to cancel first and then sky will give you the real deal...
Geoffrey Scott 4 months ago
Boy, you'dve thought we were Dish Networks' only customer. We asked for a reduction or we'd cancel. Followed through with the threat and 'cut the cord' They called us for weeks after trying to win us back.
Load More Replies... #88
#89
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
I live near Manchester, had a session in the city centre and had to get an early train home due to being ‘tired and emotional’. It’s about twenty minutes to my home town, woke up as the train jolted to a stop at Birmingham New Street, about an hour extra down the line, My brother has me beaten though, he woke up in Liverpool, under a seat and the train was sat in the sidings and shut down for the night. He was tucked up out of view.
les 4 months ago
my mum doesn't need to be asleep to get to the wrong place. she tried to get a train from newcastle to edinburgh and somehow ended up in cornwall and only knew something was wrong cos my cousin wasn't waiting for her and there was no castle
Load More Replies... Spidercat 4 months ago
Castle Carey once when I was aiming for Reading...that was a great nap however 🙄
James016 4 months ago
Somewhat related; someone I knew was going home to Hendon Central on the Northern Line, he was telling me he got off as normal but something was off and he was disorientated. He figured out that he had got off the train on the other platform. What happened was that he fell asleep, The train went to Edgware, waited there for however long it needed to then went back. Luckily for him he woke up at Hendon
Deborah B 4 months ago
When I was in Oxford, one of my flatmates got ducktaped into a sleeping bag, and his mates put him on train, he ended up at London Paddington and got given a fine for not having a valid ticket, because they'd only got him a ticket to Didcot.
#90
#91
Dragons Exist 4 months ago
Just because we (Americans) have disgusting food doesn't mean that your food is good
#93
Kira Okah 4 months ago
I've had them served with chip shop curry sauce, Chinese-style curry sauce, and with various Indian curries (northern and southern). Different flavour profiles but all very tasty in their own way, I do recommend.
Load More Replies... OneHappyPuppy 4 months ago
Well, I'm gonna have to try them all before making a decision right?
Fat Harry (Oi / You) 4 months ago
Either on the left. Cheesy chips is meh, and I don't like mushy peas.
Auntriarch 4 months ago
You're a bit stuffed if you don't like mushy chips though.
Load More Replies...
#94
Kathy Brooke 4 months ago
You haven't lived till you've been to Hull for a Patty Butty. A mashed potato cake rammed into a white bread roll. Now that's scran.
#95
#97
Michael Largey 4 months ago
I'm told that since I retired 8 o'clock still happens twice a day, but I think that's some kind of fake news.
#98
#99
#100
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Ah, you know when mum introduces every possible bloke with "he's a nice lad"...
crashthegreenhat 4 months ago (edited)
I dunno, only guy I know named Ashley only has one hand and a problem with being hunted by Deadites
#102
Gavin Johnson 4 months ago
Daily dose of British humour? Not with the date format like that. No British 13 year old is using MM-DD-YY, EVER.
Ace 4 months ago
Also I've never known a Brit misuse the term "couple" like that. It's a couple _of_ things. This was clearly written by an American.
Load More Replies... #103
RedMarbles 4 months ago
I think they're just sharing British expressions that they like.
Load More Replies...
#105
Verena 4 months ago
With a good car and smart* use of the German Autobahn it is the same as travelling from Amsterdam to Copenhagen, with (at least until the tunnel opens) the benefit of a coffee break on the ferry. However, other destinations are easier and faster and more comfortable to reach by high speed train. *smart as in driving fast, without terrorizing others.
#106
Add New Image
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Well that was a nice change, I hope non UK Pandas got the occasional chuckle from it as well
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I follow Very British Problems (even though I'm not British) on facebook and it's a lot of this humour
Auntriarch 4 months ago
Well that was a nice change, I hope non UK Pandas got the occasional chuckle from it as well
Huddo's sister 4 months ago
I follow Very British Problems (even though I'm not British) on facebook and it's a lot of this humour
You May Like 50 of the Best Memes of All Time That Are Icons of Internet Culture "Don't Test Me, I'm Already Broken": 30 Hilarious Memes From This Online Group For Programmers 50 Funny Posts That Show Humanity Shares One Collective Brain Cell
Ilona Baliūnaitė
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Greta Jaruševičiūtė
Related on Bored Panda
