Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
Even if you don’t study languages and don’t particularly like reading literature, you cannot escape the main tool we use to communicate every day. And we all enjoy a good play on words or a smart metaphor. So you don’t need an education in linguistics to be interested in that field.
What is also often enjoyable is learning how people use different languages, what words are the same and for what concepts they have or don’t have words. Even in the same language there are variations. An interesting case is the English language as it is spoken in different parts of the world and has become lingua franca, so it inevitably will have changes.
Twitter user Rob Delaney wanted to explore the differences in the English language. Being American, he asked his followers to present him with the best insults British people use and that made a very entertaining thread.
Image credits: Rob Delaney
Image credits: Ralf Steinberger
More info: Twitter
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
DUN DUN 4 years ago
I read ur comment, laughed and then saw ur name. Now my dad's confused why I'm rolling on the ground wheezing.
Load More Replies...
helen gray 4 years ago
I like that one. In addition to bungalow you might also hear, in the UK, that someone is one tile short of a roof, a sandwich short of a picnic, or as much use as a chocolate fireguard (or chocolate teapot).
Load More Replies... 
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
We used to say “a magnificent skyscraper with an unoccupied penthouse”.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Years and years ago there was a love interest of Joan Collins who got called 'Bungalow Bill' by the media because anything interesting about him must be downstairs
Pat Keenor 4 years ago
I'm from rural Devon in Britain and if we did something stupid as kids, my mother would call us a "biddlehead" pronounced "biddle-aid", usually accompanied by a sharp tap on the head. Apparently, it's a Westcountry term for the miller’s thumb fish, a small fish with a large head. I've never, ever heard the insult outside of my family!
Rob Delaney is an American comedian who helped to write the script for the TV show Catastrophe (2015) and starred in it. He is also known for appearing in such films as Deadpool 2 (2018) and Hobbs & Shaw (2019).
However, the platform that brought him to the spotlight was Twitter, where he started posting in 2009, and by 2016 he had over 1.2 million followers. He is considered to be the one of the first comedians who cracked his jokes on social media.
RELATED:
#2
Brian Bennett 4 years ago
That's like calling someone a pizza cutter - all edge and no point! Dome I think is better!
Load More Replies...
#3
DennyS (denzoren) 4 years ago
What did they do to deserve such a crushing insult? Must have been bad. lol
Muff_Fluff 4 years ago
“You chick-fil-a small fry!” Hurts because you have expectations that never get met, no matter how low they are.
Now he has a following of 1.5 million people and still continues to entertain his audience. Recently, he wanted to be entertained himself and asked “What are some good British insults these days?”
He mentioned that he knows of “roaster”, “flannel”, or “weapon” that always makes him chuckle. And now he knows a lot more as 3k people joined the conversation to illuminate Rob about the awesome ways the Brits have to insult someone.
#4
Mary Peace 4 years ago
"I eat my peas with honey, I've done it all my life,/ it makes the peas taste funny but it keeps them on the knife.....or the fork."
#5
DUN DUN 4 years ago
"You absolute coconut!" screamed Chef Gordon Ramsey politely
Load More Replies...
MyOpinionHasBeenServed 4 years ago
My boyfriend's sister's boyfriend calls her a plum. Didn't know that was really insulting. Kinda gives new light on how their relationship is really.
Babsevs 4 years ago
It's a gentle good natured, mild insult...nothing to be worried about for their relationship ;)
Load More Replies...
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
But plums are delicious...how can this possibly be an insult?
Load More Replies...
Al Cook 4 years ago
Helmet should be higher. It would certainly be the rudest of all these options.
#6
Robert T 4 years ago (edited)
Whahey. Surprised it's so far down. Plonker is one of the best insults ever, not least because of its use in Only Fools and Horses. "Rodney, you plonker!"
Boudica 4 years ago
Yes! But I didn't realise until very recently that it's slang for a man's todger 😉
Load More Replies...
It is weird to think that both Americans and British people speak the same language, but it sounds so different and the lexicons are diverse as well. On the other hand, it is the people who adapt the language to be a convenient tool to communicate, so it is only natural that in different places, even the same language will have variations.
#7
Ruth Riegler 4 years ago
Coupon in Scotland means face - i.e. "He's got a coupon like a bulldog chewing a wasp"
Robert T 4 years ago (edited)
Well it's either that or the local red light district is running some kind of promo. ;-)
Load More Replies... #8
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
It was so prevalent that it eventually was just shortened to Cadet, at least in California.
Load More Replies... 
Angela Fitzpatrick 4 years ago
I'm from Northern Ireland and my most used insults are "t****r" and "dickhead" . Eejit is rarely used on its own it's usually "buck eejit" but it's not really an insult, it's usually said with a degree of fondness. If you want to hear genuine Northern Ireland insults watch Line of Duty or Derry Girls. .
Barbara Vandewalle 4 years ago
I am fairly certain 'space cadet' is more accurate than insulting.
#9
Daniel (ShadowDrakken) 4 years ago
O_o just making sure, but realize “long pork” is slang for human meat, right?
Load More Replies... 
The biggest difference between American and British English is probably the pronunciation. The vocabulary is mostly the same but some nouns, verbs and phrasal verbs are used differently. There are also minor differences in grammar, for example, the use of present perfect or how they express possession with the verbs have and have got.
#10
#12
Troux 4 years ago
Handcuffs wouldn't work on a goat because they have narrow legs and hooves. Someone who is handcuffed to a goat is too stupid to see their way out of that.
Load More Replies...
Randolph Croft 4 years ago
"how stupid and unlawful do you have to be in order to be hand-cuffed to a goat?" - basically a tremendous loser.
And apparently, there are loads of insults that only the British use. The ones that were mentioned in the thread are quite funny and clever. They are often based on comparison, like ‘dry lunch’ or ‘muppet.’
Twitter user Arietta made a good point by explaining how you can make up your own insult: “The best ones are the random nouns that aren’t technically insults but are made into one by putting the word 'absolute' in front of it. Saw a comment calling someone an 'absolute f*****g pelican' the other day and I’m still not over it.”
#13
RoseTheMad 4 years ago
You absolute bloody *insert any word of your choice* is basically the most basic and effective formula for a good british insult. ;) eg: "You absolute bloody lettuce"
Load More Replies...
#14
NsG 4 years ago
My mum considered that a mild swear when I was growing up, so she'd substitute it with "pilchard"
Yoinks! 4 years ago
The only time I've actually heard it spoken is when Eric Idle used it in the Python sketch about the butcher who's alternately polite/rude. But the way he said it--"What is it now, you great pillock?"--it instantly became a favorite insult of mine. That I've never actually used.
Prabha Sammy 4 years ago
In Mauritius we say "ploc". I think that is a derivative of "pillock" since we were once a British colony?
Do you find differences between variants of English interesting? Which variant do you prefer to use? Also, do you know of any British insults that were not mentioned in this list? Let us know in the comments below!
#15
Got Myself 4 Dwarves 4 years ago
It's yer da sells Avon - needs to be enunciated correctly for full effect
helloyou 4 years ago
agreed! Your Dad isn’t really amusing but yer da gets up to all sorts!
Load More Replies...
#16
Dallis-Jane Murphy 4 years ago
Maybe from being a 'spanner in the works', dunno though. & douche-canoe is always a good one.
David Williams 4 years ago
Also a derogatory term for the poor souls that were known as thalidomide babies, "spanner" is not a nice one.
#17
Candia Lee 4 years ago
I was clueless re "footy stickers". Why is that an insult? Isn't team support a huge thing everywhere?
Karen Marshall 4 years ago
I don't know why, but this one is my absolute favorite and I'm still giggling out loud while I type this.
DanieLegz 4 years ago
Collectible football/soccer stickers that you stick in sticker albums
Load More Replies... #18
Lara Harris 3 years ago
Glipe is used in Northern Ireland. Spanner is not pan Irish whatever tf that means.
#19
Phill Healey 4 years ago
Bin Lid is rhyming slang for pThlid. A Thlid was a pretty nasty insult as it pertains to children severely deformed / disabled as a result of the mother taking the drug Thalidomide. It was meant as a treatment for morning sickness but ended up causing birth defects.
Jackie Nettleton 4 years ago
A common one for my family is to say you’re as much use as a chocolate fire guard
Mary Peace 4 years ago
One of my school teachers told a child his mouth was like a dustbin. Why? He said it was very large and full of rubbish. This stuck in my mind because it seemed harsh to me.
Mondo Cane 4 years ago
Paul McCartney sang "I acted like a dustbin lid" and the critics were not happy
#20
Billie Sue Patrick 6 months ago
I've read this as a response to someone getting very wound up online. Yeah, I interpreted it to mean to go outside and chill out. It's hard to stay mad when you're walking barefoot in cool, green grass.
Dark Pearl 4 years ago
Touch Grass definition from Urban Dictionary: used to describe people who may have been acting/talking in a sexual way ; telling them to get outside more ben was acting so horny. he needs to go outside and touch grass
Kayln d'Haene 4 years ago
Comes from the psychiatric advise to get outside. Clears the head, keeps people from becoming tunneled into online BS.
#22
Vanta Black 4 years ago
In GTA: San Andreas, Danny Dyer's character tells Shaun Ryder's to "F**k off, string.", and I still don't know what it means.
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
Looking at your icon is making me hungry...I think it might be time for brekkies
GlitterQueen541 4 years ago
wait...is he a Length because he has no depth??? (I'll see myself out)
Carole Hamilton 4 years ago
I like comments like 'the lights are on, but there's no-one home. Or he's a sandwich short of a picnic.
#23
Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Though, didn’t making a fist, bending your arm, and pushing it forward rapidly used to mean sex?
Wondering Alice 4 years ago
Not really an insult. I use punching this way to say your new partner is great.
Andy Hinds 4 years ago
People say that about me when they see pictures of my girlfriend. I think that says more about them that it does me.
#24
Al Cook 4 years ago
C**t is definitely a friendly term here in Australia. Tradies are particularly keen to greet their mates with a hearty "oi c**t"!
Wondering Alice 4 years ago
On the one hand, I have never heard this used in Wales, on the other - if I did I would take it as friendly
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 4 years ago
Gotta be careful with some of these words when you travel. The “C” word is an insult in the US, and could get your ass kicked all the way into next week.
helen gray 4 years ago
It is in England but the other UK countries seem to be going for it!
Load More Replies... Yoinks! 4 years ago (edited)
I found out recently that "f***y" has a VERY different meaning in the UK than in the US. EDIT: ...So much so that it's censored!! Replace the stars with "ann" and you got it.
helen gray 4 years ago
Yet despite that it is also a girls name - not too popular, I must admit.
Load More Replies...
v 4 years ago
The American Human condition is such that Americans believe themselves to be so far above the Human condition that they, and they alone, can dictate to EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON ON THE PLANET how they should or should not interact with others. We truly are our own little island and I envy, so much, those countries which have long ago gone through what America is now going through. Right now I'd rate us as a dumpster fire. What happens when it rightly and truly becomes a s**t show?
#25
Robert T 4 years ago
Yes, but wet celery means something else, particularly when combined with a flying helmet and an egg whisk. ;-)
#26
CultOfBambi 4 years ago
Me too! Not even sure why it would be insulting but it definitely is.
Load More Replies... #27
Rai Grant 4 years ago
Donkey was the insult shouted at footy players who just hoofed the ball up the pitch with no skill or finesse lol, takes me back seeing that one!
Dorothy Parker 4 years ago
And what Gordon Ramsey calls some of the chefs on his tv shows, with utter contempt in his voice.
Load More Replies... Jess Thompson 4 years ago (edited)
Gordon Ramsay has a lot of these, there’s some hilarious compilations of his funniest most creative insults on YouTube 😆
#28
#29
Peter Trudell Jr 4 years ago
I"m sure it's just calling someone thicky-mcthick thickerson.
Load More Replies...
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
My late grandmother made quilts for all seven of her grandchildren—I could never use quilt in a pejorative way.
Peter Trudell Jr 4 years ago
'dishcloth' I presume is a fancier term for 'rag', and by association, one that a lady is sometimes 'on'.
Load More Replies...
#30
Candia Lee 4 years ago
A (mental) tidbit, not a big bagful? I think of that useless empty bag, too.
#31
Hugh Willie Mungous 4 years ago
In Ireland . . . . . dry boke (i.e. a dry vomit) is a classic methinks.
#32
Paul Betteridge 4 years ago
A "Doss" was a prostitute so a doss house was a Brothel therefore a "dosser was some one that used the services of a prossie
Tee Witt 4 years ago
Not sure where you come from but not "up north" of England.
Load More Replies... #33
Groundcontroltomajortom 4 years ago
I use numpty! A great lost insult that one, never hear anyone use it anymore.
Hulkfreeze 4 years ago
Sorry, just had to say that I love your username! Fellow Bowie fan here. :)
Load More Replies...
John Smith 4 years ago (edited)
I think that is a reference to the dime bar advert https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmgBsjL4WTQ
#34
Dorothy Parker 4 years ago (edited)
As used by John Lennon in a book title. Except he used Spaniard.
#35
Amy S 4 years ago
Don't know why you've been downvoted. In the context of British insults you're absolutely correct.
Load More Replies... Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago (edited)
I can remember my grandmother calling her butt her fa*ny back when I was a little girl
#36
buttonpusher 4 years ago
A kid once shouted at me "Yer ma's a frog and she ates shite". Ok makes no sense but made me laugh.
#37
#38
David Woollands 4 years ago
Dogs dinner definitely - just a mess - ie - ‘you’ve made a right dogs dinner of that!’ Also maybe something that ‘looks like it’s been dragged through a hedge!!’
Hilary Mol 4 years ago
And yet "you're the dog's bollocks" is a high compliment. Is there a cat version of this?
Tee Witt 4 years ago
Dog's Dinner, sounds to have several meanings. Not used now but "Dressed up like a dog dinner" I thought meant posh?
Kay blue 4 years ago
Dog's dinner is used for someone who looks a right mess, dogs b*llo*ks means someone is dressed well, or something is really good.
Load More Replies...
Josiane Roy 4 years ago
I've always seen it as meaning always the same. It smells, it's unappealing, and it never varies.
Freya Gamble 4 years ago
I've always thought this was used to refer to something someone has made or done badly, rather than the person, as in, "he made a dog's dinner of that project"
#39
John Smith 4 years ago
The insult is that the only activity is the bacteria.
Load More Replies...
#40
Jeremy Sitorus 4 years ago
All the more reason for the British to use it as the opposite
Load More Replies... buttonpusher 4 years ago
Knew a bloke with the nickname Cabbage and I always thought it was hilarious. He was a bit of a cabbage tbh. If he ran out of brylcreem he'd use butter or else he wouldn't leave the house. Dude used to cycle a BMX to work completely off his face on weed. How he didn't get killed I'll never know. That was an interesting year.
#41
Vanta Black 4 years ago
Greenock is a town in Scotland, so a local would be a "Greenockian".
Load More Replies... #42
Wondering Alice 4 years ago
I always assumed it was connected to soggy biscuit. That would make it a huge insult
Load More Replies...
#43
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
As a kid my mum used to tell me to 'stop standing there like a lemon' . . . and generally the word lemon was used to refer to someone being useless
Dark Pearl 4 years ago
Lemons help when you've got a cold. So what your mum is saying is essentially, 'Stop standing there like a super-effective cold remedy!'
Load More Replies... #44
Wondering Alice 4 years ago
I never lived in Scotland, but I'm struggling to understand how this is not a compliment too.
Load More Replies... #45
NsG 4 years ago
Big girls blouse was the version I heard. A lot more floaty to accommodate the more ample endowments.
Al Cook 4 years ago
Usually used for when a man is not acting tough enough though. Meathead would probably be more appropriate if they are acting too tough.
Load More Replies...
#46
#47
#48
#49
Hilary Mol 4 years ago
I've never heard a phrase that better describes summer in Michigan. This is priceless!
#50
#51
#52
Mary Rose Kent 4 years ago
Frank Zappa named one of his daughters Moon Unit...probably my favorite unorthodox name ever. Moon Unit Zappa!
#53
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Geoff Norcott used 'melt' on the latest episode of HIGNFY, made me laugh. Sort of referring to Keir Starmer
Wendy Heath 4 years ago
Someone I know always refers to her husband as a f****ing tool, she really doesn't like him.
#54
Wondering Alice 4 years ago
Err.. what is pranny? I have never heard of this, where is it common?
Load More Replies... #55
Add New Image
What do you think ?
NsG 4 years ago
The absolute pinnacle of British insults has to be the (probably about to be censored by BP) "c0ckwomble"
Ronnie Beaton 4 years ago
A popular insult from my own Scottish youth was "Yer maw's got baws an' yer dad's jealous!"
Goth mouse (they/them) 4 years ago
These are hilarious 😂 in my family its ‘oi cloth ears’ because we’re all a bit deaf 🤣
NsG 4 years ago
The absolute pinnacle of British insults has to be the (probably about to be censored by BP) "c0ckwomble"
Ronnie Beaton 4 years ago
A popular insult from my own Scottish youth was "Yer maw's got baws an' yer dad's jealous!"
Goth mouse (they/them) 4 years ago
These are hilarious 😂 in my family its ‘oi cloth ears’ because we’re all a bit deaf 🤣
You May Like 50 Of The Funniest Signs Ever Spotted In The Wild (New Pics) 50 Funny Christmas Gifts For A Peal Of Merry Laughter 120 Funny Tweets About Dieting To Burn Extra Calories Laughing
Mantas Kačerauskas
Linas Simonaitis
Aivaras Kaziukonis
Related on Bored Panda
