40 Tweets From April That Are Too Funny Not To Share

Legit.

OP is an inspiration to all of us

Let's go back to toilet roll

Yeah, it explains than.

This is probably the highest point of their life.

Apparently if is in Austin, Texas. Happens all the time

*sigh* don't we all

This is what I will think of from now on when I hear 'oncologist'

For me it's more like when I was lightly sedated for surgery because I can hear what's going on but can't quite make sense of or remember it and I'm half asleep all the time!

or this

Dutch is like Middle English (or technically, I may even mean Early Modern English) that got spelling-normalized in the opposite direction. (And yes, I know, it probably makes more sense to flip that sentence.)

Walton-on-Thames Cabbage Goggins.

Where's the 'undecided' option?

... but the steady influx of meteoric dust *does* in fact add to the planet's mass.

Just looked up what this is and WOW the guy has some serious critical thinking skills, that's impressive

They still do. Only now it has nothing to do with photography.

Haven't they blown that place up at least twice?

Mile High Club, of course.

So why not? Is there a place you can keep it cold?

A mocktail should be at least half the price of a cocktail, but that idea would just make cocktails more expensive not mocktails cheaper, if I know anything about marketing.

Recent trauma: Filling out this questionnaire.

Is Colatte the next big thing?! (Answer: No.)

Aluminum is the only thing that keeps my armpit demons at bay. When I read '0% aluminum' I just see 'lip balm but for your pits'

Bragging about how much money you give your ex for child support is a lot less impressive when you have hundreds of billions of dollars

I'd say, this was more a FCK-you-all move.

Tommy Vietor is just lucky his mom didn't say, "Die, son." (Because it's a Dyson vacuum. Yeah, I know, like the vacuum, the joke sucks.)

"Ex-Lax".

everybody plays the fool...sometiiiimes...

That’s why I keep the dog small and relatively helpless

If you add the impostrophe.

I get my anxiety up looking at the laptop on the left.

Maybe we should have always been. Instead of the dweeb celebs and influencers that are the hotshit now

I do a version called anti-stalking, learning a person's routine to avoid them.

banana flat bread

cartographer chicks are hot

I concur. Stupidity all around, publicised even.

Wait, are you saying everything at Dollar Tree was still $1 until now? All the $2 shops (regardless of company) in Australia have had things over $2 for my whole life! That's at least 35 years.

It's only a certain type of people that find other people's distress entertaining.

Maybe they should emigrate. There are countries where this is not necessary.

Orange economics... Orangomics.

Can anyone explain for Non-White Lotus fans?

They grow up so fast...

Snort-laugh!

Kiwis keep it on the downlow

jersey mike the situationship?

That WH message gives off major Voldemort vibes.

Purest Eeeeeevil!

there"s money in the banana stand

Be careful about where you eat lunch on April Fool's Day.

Ooh, I now know what to ask for for my birthday next moth! Do you think I could be freed from physical illness too?

So?

The stock market as eaten a lot of people's lunches.

Yeah, let's see his book report on Douglas Hofstadter's 'Gödel, Escher and Bach: An Eternal Golden Braid'.

I love this!

I can't even remotely relate!

The very best reason to have adblock.

I'm not sure if they're joking or not. If not, this deserves a facepalm because Elmo is like 3.

"They told me to follow my dreams. So I went back to sleep." -- Probably Arroyo or that Veterinary Clinic.

cause the olives?