First dates are notoriously tricky. Especially if you have only spent time with the person in a friend group capacity or haven't met them in real life at all.
No wonder why coffee shops are such popular destinations — there's a good chance the two of you will be unable to hit it off and you'll need a quick and easy exit.
So we at Bored Panda decided to take a look at what turns people off the most and found two Reddit threads (one started by the user HomeTattoo and another by Kiwicarebear) that has folks sharing their first-date dealbreakers.
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Went on a date with a guy yesterday who was a christian (I'm an atheist, but that's fine) and went on an unprompted monologue about how homosexuality is not God's will (not fine). I am a man, we were both men, it was a gay date. It was very confusing.
I wore heels on a blind date. The guy looked me up and down, then said "You know it's rude to wear heels on a blind date right?" I said "I'm sorry I didn't premeditate the fragility of your ego." He back-peddled and begged me to stay for the meal. I had half a drink and had to walk out. When someone shows you their true colours, why waste anyone's time after that?
If they expect sex.
Fun story, I went on the WORST date a while ago. Guy seemed nice enough when we first met, but during the first date, I realized he was a total sleaze and maybe crazy? He asked me out of the blue if I was on birth control. When I said yes, he said, "sweet, that means I don't have to wear a condom."
I was so taken aback. Who says stuff like that? At that point, I knew I'd never touch him - not when a ten and a half foot pole - but I felt weirdly compelled to explain to him how stupid that was. I asked what he'd do if he knocked me up. "Oh, it's no big deal. You'll just get it taken care of, that's all." He didn't understand that abortions aren't cheap, easy to get, or fun. When I expressed that, he rolled his eyes and said condoms *weren't fair to him* and that *having to wear a condom is a deal-breaker.*
I left that restaurant so fast I must've made his head spin. He tried to backtrack, said "maybe I can make an exception for you!" I declined and told him I wasn't interested. Then he tried to call me up nine months later to hang out. Because "no girl in all of DC wants to go on a date and it's so frustrating." Uh... maybe because you're gross and awful, dude? Also, this guy was 30. I'd expect this b******t from a teenager. Not a 30-year-old.
If they don’t like animals. I’ve always had dogs (have two right now) and went on a date once where he said he hated animals. I left shortly after.
Well, one guy showed up to the wrong lunch location and made ME drive to meet him (I was working, he was not) - strike 1. I arrive and he gets out of his car wearing sweats (he made me wait over 2 hours while he got ready - strike 9). Is 7 inches shorter than he said he was (which isn’t a problem unless you LIE about it - strike 13). And then... he was missing some critical burger eating teeth (that’s not even a strike - at this point I was in for the entertainment value this would add). Then he got into a loud, long anti government rant that only paused when I realized my car was being broken into. I run outside and defend my car expecting my date to be gallantly by my side. He was not - he just sat in the booth content to let me fight off someone rummaging through my car. Strikes 1000-39276651.
Oh. And he cried twice.
And watching him eat a burger wasn’t even close to being as entertaining as I wanted it to be.
When they’re nice to you but not to the waiter.
Because one day, you’ll be in the waiter’s position.
Being nice to me and not others just tells me they’re not nice and they want something from me. It’s likely they’re manipulative and definitely transactional. Ironically, not towards the people with which they’re having overt transactions.
From personal experience, casually dropping that the Earth is only a few thousand years old and rock stars get famous by making a deal with Satan. The worst part is the moment when you have to stop laughing because you realize it wasn't a silly joke.
Lying. If someone is significantly different from anything they have led me to believe prior to the first date I’m immediately not interested. I don’t really care that much about their weight, height, political leanings, religion, etc, but lie to me first thing and we’ve got nothing else to talk about.
If it’s a one way conversation, me asking them questions and taking interest in their life and them asking none or minimal questions about me.
Being constantly on their phone.
I had such a date. The guy barely looked at me, he was so absorbed by his phone, his messages, his social media. He even posted about the restaurant we were at. And then somebody called him and they talked for like, 20 minutes (nothing urgent, just trifles). At some point I got up and told him I'd go to the bathroom, and he just waived his hand at me: "yeah, no problem". Got my purse, went to the bartender, paid my coffee and left in a taxi. Texted him from the taxi :))) He was genuinely surprised: "Why did you leave? Are you upset?"
When she tries to spritz me with Holy Water since I was never baptized.
If in the midst of conversation you have to brag about how much your parents make or how they gave your brother an Audi, I’m done.
I’m not saying coming from a rich family is bad, but if you feel a need to bring it up on the first date, I’m going to assume you have nothing better to bring to the table.
Wealth as personality. Sadly, it meets so many people’s approval as a fundamental characteristic.
Talking non-stop about wanting a "traditional" family where mom doesn't work. Like sure, but that's not me so move on.
Or bringing up being an alpha male. Just no.
Had someone on a dating app using 20 year old pics, lying about her age to an extreme extent, she said she was 25, i was 19 and she asked if i minded dating older women. I didnt mind at all but she showed up and the first thing i thought of was "wow she takes really good pics" but I decided since i was already there might as well make the best of it.
I found out she was 49 and had a son older than me, because he ended up working at the bowling alley we went to, I thought she seemed a little uncomfortable when we arrived to the bowling alley but shrugged it off to her being nervous about an internet date. Until i went to go get some food and her son who WORKED AT THAT BOWLING ALLEY pulled me to the side to ask what I was doing with his mom, he told me she was 49 and married, and then the best part, he was 6 months older than me.
Dating in my teens and early 20's I was naive and insecure. So loved it when a guy said I was so much better than his last girlfriend who was a b***h. Dating again in my 50's (being wiser and secure with myself) my response to the ex-b***h story is, "What the hell did you do to her???"
Bad hygiene. Ended up nicknaming him halitosis boy.. Had a guy turn up to a date once like he hadn't showered in months. He smelled so bad I had to lean back in my chair to get away from the smell. So gross. He was the worst but lots of guys make no effort to look or dress nice on a date too. Always makes me think... This is as good as it gets so that's a nope!
There are definitely some professions that give lingering smells that are extremely hard or impossible to wash off, which makes it hard for those individuals to date outside of their profession, but other than that, there isn't a good excuse, imo. I'm those cases, is still say to wash, but it doesn't always work and that should be information the person provides ahead of time.
Being married.
Bringing your friend to the date because you were nervous.
Bragging about your knife collection at home.
Never knew these things would come up in the first dates I’ve been on, but here we are.
When he brings up his idealistic woman physically and I match none of those. For example, “All girls should have straight hair”.
Being racist and sexist without realizing it and then kinda shaming you for what you are.
I didn't call her back.
I went on a date with a woman I'd been talking with for a couple of weeks. We lived in different towns, decided to meet up in a pub in her town.
I lasted less than a pint. All she did was run men down, say how useless we are, all after one thing, etc.
She seemed genuinely surprised when I stood up and said goodbye and walked out.
Back before I met my bf, I went on a tinder date with a guy who was new to where I lived at the time. During conversation I mentioned offhand that there were certain places you didn’t want to walk after dark because a lot of people got mugged in those areas. This guy started mansplaning to me how it would be fine to walk there after dark, you just need to be confident, he’s a world traveler, nobody has ever bothered him etc. I was like, no dude trust me it isn’t safe, but he just kept talking over me. He seemed to view it as a challenge. He was arrogant in general but this was what made me make an excuse and leave the date early. Like ok dude, if you’re so tough then feel free to go get mugged
When he tells you he's married, but wants something "on the side".
Being inconsiderate...went on a date recently where the guy speed walked to the cafe exit and let the door close behind him as I was just getting to the door myself. I purposely slowed down to see his reaction and there wasn't even a backwards glance or motion to re-open the door or check I was okay (to account for why I wasn't immediately behind him).
I hold the door for people all the time so I don't see this as a gender thing.
Also not apologising when you made a mistake in an effort to seem infallible or self assured or whatever.
TLDR: Lack of consideration and lack of humility.
I had a guy choke me during a bit of making out on the first date. I said I wasn't into that in public, definitely not with someone I'd just met and not while a bit buzzed. He proceeded to try/actually choke me during two follow up kisses (I was a bit drunk, if I was sober I would have ended it sooner) and then sulked and said it was just a joke when I said I was paying my half of the bill and going home alone.
So... Major deal breaker, don't choke someone you don't know.
She brings her 3 kids that she failed to tell me about.
Being late. I’m not talking a few minutes late, I’m talking a half hour late or anything later than that.
No sense of humor or one that doesn't mesh well with mine.
Had one date like this and im always laughing and joking, thought he was just nervous on 1st date so i went on 2nd date and he was giving out because i was laughing too much at the comedy club we were at 🤦♀️
He only had a couple of lawn chairs as furniture in his living room because he’d just moved to this apartment. Later he explained that he didn’t have furniture because he had actually just got out of the State Penn.
Before I noped out of there, he explained he’d just talked to his mama about me, and knew I’d be a “real special, understanding lady.”
Turns out I’m not!
I dont understand why people are so hard on ex-cons - although talking to mama about you before the first date and having expectations would be weird for anyone
I had one date and the guy spent the whole time insulting me. Didn’t like my long nails, thought I looked to high maintenance, wanted someone “more country”, didn’t think I’d be any fun.
This was during one drink, he asked me if I’d like another, I said sure why not. He looked shocked and said “I’ve never got past the first drink on a first date before”.
Never saw him again.
Lol I had almost the same date. I got the impression he was looking for a petite woman not 145 pounds and 5'6. Then he said I watch my weight and ordered a salad, I'm like F this guy, I ordered a bacon cheeseburger FF and a beer. I told the waitress to bring two checks, he paid for mine and seemed pissed off about it. I hate to say it but I laughed all the way home
Really dirty finger nails. Like there's no chance I'm ever going to want you to touch me with that amount of visible bacteria on display.
When they try to dominate the conversation and make everything about themselves while cutting you off.
Well, enough talk about me, let's talk about you. What do you like the most about me?
Someone once leaned over and took a sip of my drink through the straw without asking.
…like what? I’ve known you for 20 minutes!
If we don't hit it off as friends. I haven't been in the dating world for a long time and everyone's a bit nervous on a first date. But if we couldn't just talk about movies and video games and goofy s**t together, just have a relaxing time chatting without everything feeling like a weird competition or pageant, I knew it wasn't gonna work.
Also, people who get *way* too pissed off over disagreements in media taste. If casual disagreements -- not core values disagreements, just *casual* disagreements about gameplay preferences or special effects quality or how good the writing in a novel is -- make the other person red-faced angry, I'm moving in the other direction.
When the guy offers to pay for something and then loses his s**t when I want to pay myself. If he can't even respect me trying to be nice then nope.
If they ask me about my salary. Too soon, and not relevant.
I’ve a practically pathological fear of people asking me about money. Growing up as a white, towhead European/American in rural hill stations & off-the-path villages in southern India in the 1970’s, I was naive & often taken advantage of by other kids, older kids, even adults. Many friendships ended with me as a little kid broken-hearted, because they only hung out with me for what I had or could offer/buy. At my paternal ancestral home, my family was known so that compounded it. By college, not hai my to work or have loans made me a target & I had to be vigilant. Many short term relationships & friendships ended because of a false perception that I was wealthy. Relatively speaking, I’m not. Never have been. I have a real hang up when my personal value is determined by my financial worth and the paranoia has carried over to adulthood. Clearly I can afford the date. That doesn’t mean I can afford to pay your rent.
Anyone who mentions star signs non ironically... even for a moment.
My mom went on a date like a week ago and he wouldn’t stop talking about how “Hillary should be locked up”. I guess he brought it up several times even after she said to stop. That was her dealbreaker, and he didn’t like or understand it.
I would think it would be extremely difficult dating someone with opposite political beliefs.
When they ask about your relationship with Jesus....
Fr like, I don't ask what your relationship with santa or tooth fairy is, either!
Is anyone else put off if they're too, I dunno, clean? I don't mean dirt, I mean like, their performance. I want a person to occasionally say something stupid, or ramble nervously, trip over their words, drop something, spill a drink, misinterpret a facial cue/hand gesture. If someone doesn't make a few mistakes I start to wonder what the hell their game is.
Good one. People who are all persona. Their game can be that they're an alcoholic and are doing their best to hide it.
Being dumb. Just can't spend time with that. Had to stop seeing a girl after a few because she simply wasn't intelligent. Real nice girl, too. Too bad.
Gross table manners, smacking their lips, chewing with their mouth open, etc.
I once never saw a guy again because every time he took a bite he moaned a bit because the food was so good. It was...disconcerting. I don't think he knew he was doing it.
I'm an American living in a third world country.
So a big deal breaker for me is a girl saying how much she hates the country and wants to live in America. I'm not your meal ticket.
I feel like I need to say this before someone makes the joke - NO THE USA IS NOT A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. It undoubtedly has way too many problems, but the quality of life and facilities available to the majority of its residents are way beyond that of a third world country.
When they start confessing their love to you.
General hatefulness.
I don't want to date someone who is hateful at the world. Why would I think he wouldn't turn that emotion on me?
Not appearing as shown on tinder. I've had several dates where either creative photography or just ancient pics of oneself were used. I mean once I see you in person, you can't hide that your 50lbs heavier than advertised.
Trauma dumping.
Had one where I was trauma dumping (had had a seriously rough time since daughter died) and she out-traumaed me (finding a dead man on her doorstep etc.)
If she greets me at their door wearing a furry outfit. I'm not against people being furries, I just don't want to go down that path, yet if ever.
I feel this one is kinda BS-y. You KNOW someone is a furry before you meet them. Most furries don’t hide being a furry and will have photos on their bios of them in their partial suits, or fullsuits, or even just the kemonomimi (ears and a tail). I spent a while in the fandom and most furries don’t hide being a furry so much that you’d have no idea before you met them IRL. Plus, none of them would wear a suit on a first date with a non-furry.
Expecting the me (the guy) to pay for her. I mean I will but if you are expecting me as if it is my job then f**k you.
Had a friend that dated guys and if they paid for food and all the drinks she would go on a 2nd date but if they said, do you wanna get 1 round in on 2nd date she was out, she wouldnt even buy 1 round
Bad breath.
I find that strong perfume is worse. Makes my throat and nose swell up. Have to get out of there before I die of suffocation.
Never letting me have the chance to talk. Like, give the other person some time to breathe or something.
Way too much eye contact. Now don't get me wrong, eye contact is great. It shows you are engaging and at least seem interested in what the other person has to say. I went on a date where the guy just straight up stared at me the entire time. It made me so uncomfortable especially since I knew he was literally watching everything I was doing. He never turned away even though I felt myself trying to look away from him constantly. It was just too much. At the same time, it just made him feel more creepy the longer I was with him.
some people have problem keeping eye contact and they are usually put down for it, so they try really hard to keep it, ending up being called 'creepy'.
If they turn into a girls gone wild chick after a couple drinks. Thank you but no thank you ma’am.
Start every sentence with "my mom always says" Go on and on about his mother and how nice she is. If he does that, she's NOT NICE AT ALL.
* Exes - especially if there seem to be too many of them
* Bragging or moaning about sex life
* Any evidence of a condescending attitude or a tone which suggests I'm being made fun of. This is not the same as flirting or simple teasing
* Any kind of detectable annoyance or irritation with what I'm saying
I once ghosted after a first date due to a combination of the above.
These to me are the equivalent of a "serious" fault on a British driving test. You have failed immediately and there is no going back, but you complete the rest of the test as a formality and don't find out until the end.
Had a first date where they told me the wrong coffee shop to meet up in. The right one was across town, and he didn't drive so I had to wait for him to get there.
Decided to take a walk in the park, halfway across town. I had to drive. Not a big deal having the lady drive, but this wasn't a walkable area that my date lived in. It's, at best, a "big town" kind of "rural city"
Then he kissed me. Not just once, not just quick, but like forcibly make-out. I ended up with an excuse to leave. Then he'd text me, asking me to come over and drink (I was under the legal drinking age) and I knew there was no way in hell I'd do that after the whole make-out thing. So I told him to get lost and he called me names. Stand up guy /s
ETA: He also lied about his height, and was a good half a foot shorter than me. I have a complex about feeling like a giant, and I told him about that but he stuck with the lie that he was right around 6'...
Yew gross, what is with men forcing themselves on women. Dude keep it in your pants. I might be desperate at times but I'd like to keep my self respect why can't he do the same. And don't ask me to jump through hoops for you, have some respect
I’m awful but a bad laugh will throw me in the wrong direction.
When, in the first 5 minutes, someone has to revert to ‘so hows the weather’.
If during the first date (or at any point, actually), l have to sit through a 90 minutes talk about the ex, l'm shown where the ex does yoga (and how *I* should do yoga), and where her family's business is. Or if l'm sent unsolicited photos of...the ex. I have a strong problem with exes. I wonder why 🙄
This whole dating thing sounds terribly complicated. I met my husband almost 35 years ago when we were both playing waterpolo (for different teams). Do people still meet other people in the gym, at work or anywhere else other than a dating app?
I would like to know as well. I'm single. I have a dating app but I don't really want it, but how else am I going to meet new people? Basically, I want to meet new people first, not think about them as potential partners straight away.
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If during the first date (or at any point, actually), l have to sit through a 90 minutes talk about the ex, l'm shown where the ex does yoga (and how *I* should do yoga), and where her family's business is. Or if l'm sent unsolicited photos of...the ex. I have a strong problem with exes. I wonder why 🙄
This whole dating thing sounds terribly complicated. I met my husband almost 35 years ago when we were both playing waterpolo (for different teams). Do people still meet other people in the gym, at work or anywhere else other than a dating app?
I would like to know as well. I'm single. I have a dating app but I don't really want it, but how else am I going to meet new people? Basically, I want to meet new people first, not think about them as potential partners straight away.
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